Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler Trailer

Transcript

Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler Trailer · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. I'm
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: doing a limited podcast for the tour of Life Will
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Be the Death of Me. And I'm doing a conversation
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: instead of stand up because I thought that the material
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: within the book matched a different kind of conversation. And
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to all these different people on
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: my BFF, Mary McCormick. If I didn't have assistance, managers,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: cleaning ladies, or any staff at all, how long do
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: you think I would survive? Not long? Not long. You
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: can't do a podcast for that assistant. It's called Well
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and Grace. Please welcome Sean Heyes, Oh, I have I
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: look like a lesbian? Just I won't say it. I
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: won't know. When you go low, I go high. I
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: would be a great lesbian. What do you mean? Would
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I would? I can't, but I would. I'm I've done
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: it until it was my turn and then I quit.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: So please welcome Frankie Shaw. I don't know like the
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: meditation to sit with yourself for five to twenty minutes
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: when you wake up, I feel like it changes your life.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: It does, it changes your mood. I don't I'm not
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: like I had a real short fuse. You know, if
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I go to an airport my my doctor, I go,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I need to work on my patients. I lack patients.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: And he goes, well, what I need an example? And
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like, and I explained to him that when I
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: go to airports, I go, I can't deal with like,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: you know, a Hudson News type of place. I go.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: The slowness of the transaction between the person and me
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: getting a book isn't worth it. I can't do it.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: So what I do is I will pick out a book,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: wave it to the security camera, and then put twenty
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: bucks on the counter, however much it is, and walk out.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: You still do that? Yes, please welcome Connie Brayton and
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I um, I'd like to thank Dan for that. Dan's
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: my psychiatrist. I have really irrational feelings for Dan, sexual
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: feelings sexual. I really want Dan badly, like you want
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Robert Mueller. I want Dann. Yeah, I get it, I
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: get it. It's comparable. A dentist can be borderline good
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: looking and all of a sudden you're like, you know,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: just because he has some control over you. You know,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: if you ever like anybody anytime I've been put under
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: by an antithesiologist, You're just like, oh my god, Like
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: you're immediately attracted to them, just because they're like they
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: have your life in your hands, you know, in their hands.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Megan Steals trap. What would you prescribe for her?
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: For Sarah Scoby Sanders, oh all boatload a pot. She
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: needs to get soaked up, I mean, and then she
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: needs to go in a corner and blast herself for
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: an hour and a half. That's my dream for her.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Please welcome. Jake Tapper. Speaking of family, I would be
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: remiss if I didn't mention the dogs, because I'm sure
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of fans of your dog. Give us,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: give us the update, give us the dogo update if
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you would. Well, I have a dog's named Bert and Bernice.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: They're on the cover of the book. Bert is OBEs
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: fat one. He's on the right, and that's his little
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: sister Bernice. I went to a chow chow rescue. I
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: like the black tongue situation. She goes their names are
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Bert and Bernie, and I literally was like, I mean,
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: I almost climax. I was like, oh my god, what
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: those their names already like that's exactly what I would
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: to name then, Like this isn't being it's a podcast.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Life would be the death of me as a production
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: of I Heeart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows. I mean, no one
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: takes me seriously as a Bernie's are you listening to this?
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: She doesn't even know I'm her mother.