Latest / Resilience and Relationships (R&R) / Is Alcoholism an Epidemic? Resilience & Relationships (R&R) - Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders

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Is Alcoholism an Epidemic? Resilience & Relationships (R&R) - Stephanie Olson and Rebecca Saunders · Resilience and Relationships (R&R)

• 0:16
  Stephanie Olson: Foreign Hello and welcome to R and R resilience in and relationships, real talk for real life. I'm Stephanie Olson, and I'm here with Rebecca Saunders, yes, yay.
• 0:28
  Stephanie Olson: And we are going to be talking addictions today.
• 0:32
  Unknown: So keeping it super light hearted.
• 0:34
  Stephanie Olson: Yeah, no, I think that's good. No, I think it's a very important topic I had, and I'll talk about my my personal addictions, which is plentiful, but I had somebody say to me once, I've never been addicted to anything, and I actually knew for a fact that they had been and it wasn't wasn't drugs, it wasn't alcohol, it wasn't something typical, and so in their mind, they didn't see it as an addiction.
• 1:12
  Unknown: That's interesting.
• 1:12
  Unknown: But, you know, I think that a lot of people would fall into that category, because I know that some of the big things that come to my mind we talk addiction, I'm thinking drugs, alcohol, you know, sometimes it's substance, but it doesn't just have
• 1:28
  Stephanie Olson: to be that it does not and so, like, personally, and I've shared this many times, I'm an open book, but I am a recovering alcoholic, and although I would say, I always say addict too, primarily because I did drugs. Alcohol was my drug of choice, and so that was where I really had my issues. But I was a daily drinker and a very functional alcoholic, and so I think a lot of people would have been surprised. People who knew, knew me well, were not at all surprised. But, you know, I think that alcohol is one of those addictions that is, I think it's an epidemic alcoholism, and I think we really don't realize how big it is, because we've got, you know, the mommy, yeah, sip times, or whatever they call them. You know, there's just a bigger, widely accepted and we talk about alcohol. We royal we all of the time, and how, oh yeah, I'm gonna be doing some daily drinking during covid. We heard about that all the time, and I think alcoholism absolutely skyrocketed during that point.
• 2:58
  Stephanie Olson: So yeah, what are your thoughts about that. It was just
• 3:01
  Unknown: on a Facebook group, like, a day or two ago, one of these parenting groups. And, you know, people ask for advice, and honestly, it's better for entertainment than anything else. Yeah, right. There was someone who had said, you know, I'm getting so overwhelmed with my kids, I've started having, you know, a couple drinks every night. It really helps. Am I doing something wrong? I'm starting to feel a little concerned. And it was kind of disheartening the amount of comments like, No, you deserve that wine. You don't whatever.
• 3:29
  Unknown: There was one person who commented and was saying, you know, if this is becoming a routine for you that's hard to break, then that's addiction.
• 3:36
  Unknown: This is a problem, and they were getting ripped apart in the comments. Don't make her feel bad. Don't judge her. And I said her advice. Well, yes, if you have to have this to get through your day, it's a
• 3:53
  Stephanie Olson: problem. Yeah, yeah, you know. So when, when I started drinking, I was very young, and I always drank differently than my friends. I thought, well, I looked I couldn't stop thinking about my next drunk. So the first time I got drunk, I was 16, and I blacked out that night. That was my very first drunk. And that's not normal. That's not typical drinking. And so I I continued to drink like that. And whereas my friends were like, Whatever, let's get together. Oh yeah, we can drink. I was like, okay, when's my next drunk? When am I going to drink again? It was just a different experience. And I always tell the story my grandparents drank every night at four o'clock PM. They had one Manhattan, and. And I, when I lived with them, I wanted that maraschino cherry in the Manhattan. Didn't want the ones in the fridge. I wanted the one in the Manhattan because it tasted so much better. So my philosophy is that I think there's two kinds of alcoholics.
• 5:19
  Stephanie Olson: There's the kind that are predisposed to it through genetics. And you see that a lot in family lines. And I found out that my biological father, who I don't know, died of alcoholism, and so it was very embedded into both sides of my family, even though I didn't know the other side. But I also think there are those habitual drunks. I should I call them. I call myself a drunk. So I'm not trying to be offensive, but those habitual alcoholics, just like you're talking about, where I don't have a genetic, predisposed pre dis predisposation, pre dis I'm not predisposed genetically, but I am exhausted, I'm busy, and at five o'clock, when I'm done working or being a mom or whatever, I have a drink, and Now I have two, and I need to have that every night just to feel calm, or whatever the case may be. And you become an alcoholic through habit. So that's my that's kind of what I see, those
• 6:35
  Unknown: two pieces. I can definitely see that. And I would think that this would extend past just alcoholism too.
• 6:42
  Unknown: Because, I mean, we see the same kind of thing with other substances or even just behaviors. Yeah, you know, I mean, like, a very different way to take this. But I mean, how many times are we checking our phone, right? Yeah. And can you leave the house without it, right? You leave the room without it,
• 7:01
  Stephanie Olson: right? And what happens when you do and I think that's the key thing. And this is all how I always defined alcoholism, in a sense, because people say, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a problem drinker, or whatever. But if you are thinking about your next drink, that's probably a red flag. But more than that, if you can have, if you don't know you have a drink, and you don't know if that's going to be one drink or 10 drinks, you just don't know that's yes, that's, that's a problem. And you can be a binge drinker for, you know, a weekend, and not have a drink for three months, and then a binge drinker on the weekend.
• 7:53
  Stephanie Olson: That doesn't make you any less of an alcoholic. And so I think we have this mindset of an alcoholic who sits under a bridge with a bag and no teeth.
• 8:06
  Stephanie Olson: But that's not necessarily the case. And I think, to your point, what you're talking about, it's the same thing with a phone. I have a hard time leaving the house without my phone, and I would probably say, Yes, I'm addicted to my phone.
• 8:26
  Stephanie Olson: So, you know, at what point do you term determine, yeah, that's an addiction.
• 8:33
  Unknown: That's a good question, because I would say that I'm I'm probably addicted to my phone too. Get really anxious if I leave without it, you know, if I can't find it, I start to get sometimes angry, of like, Oh, where did I put that? You know, yes, yeah. So, okay, do you think that kind of your internal thoughts and behaviors are the way to measure addiction? Or do you think that there's another way to measure that?
• 8:57
  Stephanie Olson: Well, I think there's a couple of ways to measure that, one is if it's interfering with your life and so certainly internal things if, if you're questioning, then there is probably an addiction.
• 9:13
  Stephanie Olson: I don't think you know i i have never questioned. Am I addicted to brushing my teeth? I don't know. I'm making that up, but you know, something I do every day, something I do three times a day, and yet I don't it's, it's not like, oh my gosh, when am I going to do that again? I have to do that right now. And I'm sure there's people addicted. To brushing their teeth. Who knows? But so I think you can look at that internally, if it's causing you angst, and it's you think, Gosh, I think I have a problem. But also if other people are noticing it, hey, I think you you're on your.
• 10:00
  Stephanie Olson: Phone all the time, or you're you drink all the time, or you eat unhealthy food. I mean, whatever it may be, other people notice it, and they're concerned for you. That's not being judgmental, that's having concern for somebody. And I think that's a fair thing, but I do think if it starts to interfere with your life now, you can't do certain things because of your addiction. You can't function at work, or there are things affecting your family, those are signs as well.
• 10:33
  Unknown: So what is your advice to someone who might find themselves, you know, they're questioning, I think I might be addicted to this. Other people are noticing. I'm starting to notice. What can they do?
• 10:47
  Stephanie Olson: Well, that's a great question. I think there's a lot of resources out there, and there's certainly resources when it comes to addictions, like alcohol, drugs, you know, even food, sugar, things like that, you can get online and and find, how do I combat sugar addiction, or, How can I combat whatever? And I think it's it's fair to go talk to somebody if you have questions about what that might look like. But I do think that making sure that you have somebody in your life who's trusted, who you can go to and say, What are your thoughts about this? This is where I'm seeing problems, and there's a lot of great support groups out there on all of those things.
• 11:37
  Stephanie Olson: And so getting involved and active in some of those things I think are really important, but I'm all about, you know, finding, you know, Google, some of those, those resources near you, where can I get help for alcohol addiction? Where can I get help for drug addiction? And there's even controversy surrounding that, like some people will say, you know, alcohol, alcoholism is not a disease. You can choose whether you drink or not. Same with any addiction, right? So you can choose whether you pick up a drug or not. You can choose whether you pick up a phone or not, and all of those, and whether we're talking about all those things like sex, porn, whatever, all of every addiction, and that that's true, there is a moment in time where you make a choice to say, I'm going to do this or I'm not going to do This, but it, I think it's what drives you that that compulsion is is part of the disease. And some people have said, instead of a disease, it's like you have an allergy to it. And so if you have an allergy to dairy, should probably stay away from dairy.
• 12:57
  Stephanie Olson: Same thing with any other addiction.
• 13:01
  Unknown: Okay? What if staying away is not an option? Because it makes me think of like there's something that you can cut out, right? So who's not to drink, but, yeah, food addiction. I have to eat to live. Yeah? How? How can you manage something that you can't cut out?
• 13:18
  Stephanie Olson: Yeah, that is really hard, and I've actually dealt with both alcoholism, disordered eating, so all of the things, and I think it I also was a two pack a day smoker. I drank three pots of coffee before 3pm moderation is not my middle name, I'm not a fan of moderation, but it is so much easier stopping something than it is cutting back on something or changing your lifestyle. And food is one of those things you can't cut out sugar, right? But food is one of those things that you can't cut out food, and so you have to learn to eat in a healthy way and to do the and it's that is hard, and that's where I'm all about therapy.
• 14:11
  Stephanie Olson: That's where I think therapy helps, because we can find a good therapist who specializes in each of those areas to help us navigate those waters, because that is it was 10 times easier, I will tell you to now.
• 14:29
  Stephanie Olson: It wasn't easy. It was hard to quit drinking. It was very hard to quit smoking, but the disordered eating piece is really challenging, because you cannot quit eating, which also disordered eating, right? So, yeah, that's other and he's also Right, right? Exactly,
• 14:54
  Unknown: man that that is a challenge. I think of just myself like soda. I There have been multiple points in my life I got my Pepsi. Here, yeah, multiple points in my life that I've cut it out, but I haven't really struggled trying to do moderation with this. It's interesting, like it's all or nothing. I have a hard time if it's in my house, yeah, I go to it. And I learned for me, the only way I don't have is it if I don't buy it at all. And so I can totally see where you're saying something that you have to continue doing right, eating, eating, that would be a lot harder, but it sounds like the common thread. What I've heard you say is finding people, finding support.
• 15:35
  Stephanie Olson: Yeah, I and it's the appropriate support.
• 15:38
  Stephanie Olson: Because you know, that just made me think of something when you said, soda is a addiction. I have never been I've never been a fan of soda, period. And so soda was never a problem for me.
• 15:58
  Stephanie Olson: I would drink soda, maybe to stop eating or something like that, but it was never like, Okay, I've got to have my soda.
• 16:05
  Stephanie Olson: But that doesn't mean that it's not a problem for other people.
• 16:09
  Stephanie Olson: And I think it's kind of like we've talked about trauma. What is traumatic for me is not necessarily traumatic for you, but trauma is trauma, is trauma.
• 16:16
  Stephanie Olson: And so what I might fall into addiction with may not be something you would at all. And I think we have to really honor those conversations with people.
• 16:32
  Stephanie Olson: And so like that woman who said, this is something that's happening to me, I'm struggling with it for people to respond with you deserve it. Don't worry about it and and is not helpful.
• 16:47
  Stephanie Olson: And my guess is that the majority of people who've said You deserve it have a problem themselves. I I would, because when we have a problem. We want others around us who have the same problem. Is this an issue?
• 17:03
  Stephanie Olson: Yeah, exactly. I used to justify my drinking all just by watching TV. Well, they're drinking wine on TV, so obviously it's not a problem. You can justify anything, right? But I think when somebody is reaching out for help, the last thing they need to hear is you're fine.
• 17:25
  Stephanie Olson: Don't worry about it. Quit being judgmental. Do what you want.
• 17:29
  Stephanie Olson: And if I wouldn't be reaching out exactly. And I think the whole you know, soda thing is a perfect example. It has never affected me. That does not mean that I shouldn't have compassion or understanding when it's somebody else. And I think that's a really good point, yeah, yeah.
• 17:53
  Unknown: And I think that I would argue that all of us are probably addicted to
• 17:58
  Stephanie Olson: something, uh huh. It's just, what is the thing I agree, you know, and what can you see it not do without, yeah,
• 18:07
  Unknown: yeah. Because I know there are tons of people in my life that like using the soda example, just because it's easy to be in my life, that would say that's not a problem at all. And maybe one or two that would say, your body's screaming for
• 18:18
  Stephanie Olson: water, right?
• 18:18
  Stephanie Olson: You need to drink water, right?
• 18:21
  Stephanie Olson: Right? But the
• 18:22
  Unknown: people who don't say to the problem, like, it's very easy to lean into that of like, oh, no, one thinks it's a problem. It's probably not a problem. It's fine, right? And then I think that it would be easy if you see yourself as someone who's never gone through addiction, never struggled with that in any capacity to then be judgmental and harsh with others, because that's them, not me. Yeah,
• 18:49
  Stephanie Olson: yeah. Well, it's interesting, because when I quit drinking, and I was around a lot of alcoholics, and when I quit drinking, those people, those people, I don't mean it like that, but the people who were, people in your life, in my life, who were drinking, and frankly, still are those people had a real problem with me quitting, and It's because it shines a mirror on them when, when you have an addiction, and you're hanging out with all the people who have the same addiction, and you say, I'm going to quit, they don't. They hear a couple things like crap, I'm losing my drinking buddy, or I'm losing my Pepsi buddy or whatever. But also, if they think they have a problem, then I must have a problem. And I think that's a hard thing to look at and say, Okay, I don't want to, I don't want to look at their problem and have think that they're they need to stop because. That just shines a mirror on me. That makes
• 20:03
  Unknown: a lot of sense. Yeah, and I see how relationships could get strained there, because you don't want to be close to someone who's pointing out something about you that you don't like, even if they're not directly talking about you.
• 20:15
  Unknown: That's uncomfortable. It
• 20:16
  Stephanie Olson: is well, and you know, the other thing I would say is that you know, AA says you have to change your playgrounds and playmates. So when you are in an addiction and your whole circle is filling, that you've got to find new people in your life, or new you know. And so I think that's really hard, too. When I got sober, I was very fortunate, because we wound up physically moving out of the city into a new city. So I had been sober for two years, and then we moved and so when we moved into my new house, I had never that that house. Had never known Mia's drinker, and so we had a dry house, and it was great. And and so, you know, I think those are things that help, but you have to also be mindful that the whole world is surrounding any sort of addiction, right?
• 21:27
  Stephanie Olson: Illicit drugs are easier to give up to some I mean, they're not easier to kick, I would say, but it's easier to move away from that, in a sense, depending on what the drugs are, because you can really get away from the people who are doing that alcohol is much harder because, and please don't hear me say it's easier to quit heroin than alcohol. I'm not saying that the drugs are very hard to kick, but I think it's kind of the dynamic of food versus alcohol, or food versus drugs. You you go anywhere and there's alcohol as opposed to, right, illicit drugs, right?
• 22:19
  Unknown: It's advertised to you, you go into a restaurant, they're immediately asking, Do you want some wine? Can I get you a drink? Yeah, very easy to say, Yes and No,
• 22:29
  Stephanie Olson: exactly, yeah.
• 22:29
  Stephanie Olson: So I have a funny story for you.
• 22:34
  Stephanie Olson: Not sure it's well, I think it's funny. So I was in New York with my oldest, and we were in Little Italy, and we went to this fabulous cafe. Well, it was like a it was a dessert and coffee Cafe, and you could either buy it was lovely, and you could either buy the dessert and leave, and there was like a area, or you could sit and have a drink and some dessert. Well, we decided to sit, and obviously we were there for dessert. And I had, I think Noelle did have a drink of age, and I said to the waiter, I just would like whatever cheesecake. I don't know what it was, I would just like this. And he flipped the menu over, because on the other side of the menu were all the cocktails. And he said, No, you want one of these? And I said, No, I don't. I'll just have dessert. That's where it should have stopped. But I oh my gosh.
• 23:43
  Stephanie Olson: He was like, Nope, you want one of these? We went back and forth three times at least, and I said, No, I don't want to drink.
• 23:54
  Stephanie Olson: I would just like dessert and a decaf coffee or water, whatever.
• 24:00
  Stephanie Olson: And he fought me on it, and aggressive, upselling it. Yeah, it really was. And finally I said, and I was very boisterous.
• 24:13
  Stephanie Olson: I did not keep quiet. But finally I said, I would like you to stop asking me if I would like drink. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I don't drink, so please stop asking me. And everyone turned around, and he was like, Oh, I'm sorry. And he walked away,
• 24:42
  Unknown: and Noel looked for the next person.
• 24:45
  Stephanie Olson: Well, just wait. Noelle looked at me, and she was like, You warned him. So I was like, okay, yes, I did. I did. Well, he came back and he said, I don't believe. Leave you, but I'm not going to ask you anymore. And I said, want you to prove that. Well, I did.
• 25:07
  Stephanie Olson: I said, come here. And I opened up my wallet, because I carry a chip with me all the time, and I have, usually, the last you know, the year that I'm currently on in my wallet. And I said, come here. And I said, Look at this. Do you know what this is? And he said, No. And I said, turn around. Look closer.
• 25:28
  Stephanie Olson: And he was like, Oh. I said, that says I'm sober. I think it was 21 years at the time since I'm sober. 21 years. I'm not lying. Don't ever do that to somebody again, ever. And he apologized profusely. Actually said something like, this is like, I'm in a movie. I don't know it was just bizarre, but there was a woman behind me who walked up to me and she said, I just wanted to thank you. I have two years sobriety today, and we are here to celebrate with dessert, and what you did just helped me. You know, stay sober for one more you tear up. Yeah, it was a very cool experience, but it just showed the amount of I mean, talk about weird peer pressure. That's not even peer pressure. That's like some stranger pressure.
• 26:32
  Unknown: I mean, imagine if you were freshly sober one week, 30 days
• 26:35
  Stephanie Olson: exactly. I it was, it was appalling. And so that's why I said, Don't ever do that to anybody ever again. And that's exactly it. It does not take much to justify and to fold. And I know with alcoholism, I think it's like 80% of people will relapse. And so it's not uncommon, and we have to really support people that are getting off of, you know, drugs, alcohol, the it's hard to do. It's hard to do, and it takes a tremendous amount of courage, a tremendous amount of support, and a tremendous amount of grit, really, and turning it over. It's a surrender, constant surrender. But I just think that that's people need to be mindful of those things, whether it is food, whatever addiction that we need to be honoring. Of people, if they say no, I know that's weird, but they mean, no, it's consent.
• 27:41
  Unknown: Yes. Man, I feel like something that's probably not recognized enough by someone who hasn't had a loved one struggle, or, you know, have struggled themselves, is it's not just I'm giving this thing up, it's I'm changing my entire life because this was such a problem. And, yeah, that needs to be respected
• 28:04
  Stephanie Olson: right now.
• 28:04
  Stephanie Olson: That's really true, because it is a complete life change and, and even, you know, even when we're talking about eating healthy foods, you know, same, same thing or whatever, you know, I I have had to really be mindful of my food intake. And it's not so much what I eat, but how I eat, and my relationship with food, and looking at food as good or bad, or, you know, things like that. I've had to change all of that mindset. But then, at the same time, as I get older, there are things that I I mean, back in the day, I used to, if I wanted to lose weight, I would stop eating for two days and lose like, you know, 10 pounds, like in my 20s, but that's not the case as you age.
• 29:01
  Stephanie Olson: And so there are all those things that you have to think about your
• 29:11
  Unknown: you were talking about some things that you know you've changed to make it easier for you. And I think that one of the other things that people can tend to do that really do this recovering person a disservice is poke holes at that. Well, that's so weird that you're doing that. What do you mean?
• 29:27
  Unknown: You don't want to go here or do this or pornography. Addiction is a good example. There's someone I know that had struggled with an addiction to pornography, and so he has put guardrails in place for himself.
• 29:37
  Unknown: Sure. You know, phone is locked down. Things are sent to a sponsor. You know, if you look at those websites, it triggers someone else's phone, yeah? Or that accountability piece that's a great thing, yeah, that's actively approaching the problem and trying to set up safeguards for yourself. Yeah? Ever he has faced a little bit of what was the word I'm looking. Ridicule, ridiculed, yeah, because you're a grown man and you have to be babysat, Mm, hmm. Well, it's not that. It's trying to be responsible, and I think that sometimes, whether it's pornography, addiction, alcoholism, whatever, that that can happen too. Yeah, you know, oh, it's so embarrassing that you have to do that? Well, I don't think it's embarrassing. I think it's a sign of strength that you're into that.
• 30:26
  Stephanie Olson: I think that's a great point. I agree. And I think too people who don't understand how I think you're right. I think everybody is addicted in some way, to something. And you know, if we were to be honest with ourselves, or look at that, it's hard and and some of it, you know, some of it may seem healthy, like I'm I'm addicted to exercise, or I'm addicted to whatever. But you know, some of it could seem very harmless, but addiction, true addiction, takes over your entire life. And so with pornography addiction, I know people who couldn't even function because of that addiction, or, of course, ruin families. And you know, same thing with drugs and alcohol and food. I mean, I don't know if you ever have seen, oh my gosh, I I went on a kind of a binge bad, no pun intended, of like, my 600 pound life or whatever, oh my gosh. It's a fascinating show, and I weirdly love it for some reason, like interesting and heartbreaking at the same time it is and then sometimes very redemptive. You know, sometimes it's like, really encouraging to watch, because these people change their entire lives. But these people, of course, are completely addicted to food. You know? What is a common theme woven in that, especially in that show, or in that yes, an enabler, there's always an enabler. And I think that's probably true with most addictions. There's somebody who does not want you, not even intentionally. It's not even like I don't want you to get sober or I don't want you to stop eating or get get healthy, or I don't even think, but if you do, then you're gonna leave me. Or if you do, you know it's all this other emotion, which is why learning codependency is also a conviction, right? Well, and I think
• 32:38
  Unknown: sometimes it comes from a place of like, I don't want to see you struggle. I don't want to see you be sad. And even if you need to go through a period of being sad to be healthy, I don't want you that
• 32:49
  Stephanie Olson: right, right?
• 32:49
  Stephanie Olson: Cuz it does suck getting getting free from that. With
• 32:55
  Unknown: a lot of those addictions too. There's physical symptoms, the withdrawal, oh yeah, go through, yeah, that's hard to
• 33:01
  Stephanie Olson: watch. Yeah, it absolutely is, because you are literally sick, right? I mean, it's, it's a sickness. I remember when I quit smoking, plus, like smoking, you're just, mean, you know, when you quit smoking, here, have a cigarette.
• 33:17
  Stephanie Olson: You are no fun to be around. But it is, yeah, any type of withdrawal is hor, you know, it's just hard on the body.
• 33:27
  Stephanie Olson: You're probably not that pleasant to be around. And so I think that. But I think in those shows, it's often, you know, the person is morbidly obese, and then the person who's enabling is also obese, just not morbidly obese. And so it's just a it's an interesting dynamic, which is, I think this the the same with just about with so many enablers, not all of them, but, you know, so many enablers. It's just interesting,
• 34:01
  Unknown: well, and I wonder sometimes, too, if there's almost, like this internal competitiveness of like, I struggle, but I need you to struggle more than me so I can feel okay about myself.
• 34:11
  Stephanie Olson: Ooh, yeah, no one would want to admit that.
• 34:16
  Stephanie Olson: No, that's a little selfish. But no, it's true. Yeah, because you say I'm not as bad as that person, right? I remember, so I, I used to sponsor people quite a bit in programs. I used to sponsor people and, um, and one, Gal told me that I don't know she was telling me something and about her and her story was like everybody else's story. You know, I think all of us feel like, oh my gosh, either I'm the worst there is, or I'm not as bad. Is that, but we, we are alone like we don't. Nobody understands. Nobody's been there. And so I said to her, you are not unique. And she just she, she kind of was shocked, and I and I said, you're like everybody else who's addicted to this, and it's no different. So don't consider yourself unique in this, because you're not. And I think sometimes that's a reality that needs to be slapped in our face as addicts, because we do feel very unique, and no one will understand. And I have to deal with this by myself and or I don't want to get help for this because, and it's, it's you are so not alone, and there's so much support out there. But yeah, we're there's always something,
• 35:51
  Unknown: yeah, I'm sure that was hard to hear, but important to hear.
• 35:56
  Stephanie Olson: Well, I don't know. She never got sober, so yeah, which is, which is yet sober, right, right, yeah, which is, it's sad. Some people just have a really hard time. And it's, it's, it's hard, and I'm just grateful. I have to, I have to say, so I got sober when I was, I was like 32 and I am so grateful that I'm not one of those women my age, like out in the bars and just getting drunk.
• 36:36
  Stephanie Olson: And I'm just so grateful. And I I've had a weird, maybe addiction, I don't know. No, it's not addiction. It's a guilty pleasure, because I could stop at any time. No, I'm just kidding. I have a guilty pleasure of watching body cameras of alcohol, of drug, drunk drivers, and it's fascinating to watch every single drunk driver on that thing is, like, I live right over there. I've only had one drink, or I've had no drinks every single one. But it's just a good reminder, like, thank you God, that I am sober because I do not want to experience that every day in my life. I
• 37:24
  Unknown: think that makes a lot of sense. Like, hey, that's where I could have been. So glad that's not me right now, yeah,
• 37:32
  Stephanie Olson: yeah. I I'm a I would, I would love to have. I think it would be really cool to hear just somebody have a conversation of somebody's testimony, or, you know, something that somebody did give up as as an addict, or whatever it may be, and just hear their story. Because I think it's important to hear other people's stories and how they recovered, and that redemption piece, I think those are the most important. That's how I always know, by the way, somebody is healthy to speak at their story, whether it be a survivor of something, whether it be somebody who's addicted, because their story is not about the gory details. Their story is that redemption piece, and I think that's the bottom line, and what it needs to be for people.
• 38:28
  Unknown: Yeah, that's what can really have the power to help.
• 38:31
  Stephanie Olson: Yes, exactly.
• 38:31
  Stephanie Olson: So yeah, I think that's a it's a good, good conversation, but I do think it's important to really be mindful, and it's self awareness, right? What are the things in my life that are holding me back, or, what are the things in my life that are not serving me, that I need to let go, and what are the things in my life that are literally keeping me from moving forward.
• 39:00
  Stephanie Olson: And I think when we can look at that and identify those things, if there's nothing awesome, but if there are things going to get the help that you need, finding those resources in your area, talking to someone who has been there, or somebody who is licensed in that area, and I think there is no shame in asking for help, Shame on people who make somebody feel bad for asking for help or telling them to continue in what they're asking for help for. But there is no shame, and there's so many people who can support in fact, I will tell you i I'm very open about my alcoholism, and I just recently announced that I was 23 years sober at a event I was at thank you, and somebody approached me and said that. Is that that is so amazing. And I had several people tell me, I've experienced that. I've gone through that. You know, you just don't know who is going through something like that or who needs help until you're just open sometime for a server who outs you because you because you don't want a cocktail. Oh my gosh, I don't do that. That, that guy, he should, I, I, I can't even, I mean, it's the weirdest story, because I can't imagine doing that to anybody, like, what an idiot. But at the same time, it was cool because it made a difference in someone's life, and thank goodness it wasn't her. He did that too. True. Seriously, come on,
• 40:51
  Unknown: next level.
• 40:54
  Stephanie Olson: Good it is, but now it's a good story.
• 41:00
  Unknown: Looks back on that every time he's putting
• 41:02
  Stephanie Olson: menus out. I hope he does. I hope he does.
• 41:06
  Stephanie Olson: But you know, even, even in my work, you know, I will, you know, I do a lot of networking.
• 41:11
  Stephanie Olson: I go to a lot of networking things, and I cannot tell you how many people are like, let's meet over cocktails or just go have a glass of wine or whatever, and I'm fine with that. I'm not gonna I would never embarrass somebody, but at the same time, that's how acceptable it is, and I think why it's such an epidemic. I appreciate
• 41:40
  Unknown: your openness with everything today, and I think this is really important for someone to hear. And I don't know kind of my takeaway from this, that I think is going to stick in my mind is, if someone really wants the best for you, then they're going to come alongside you and support you, even if they don't quite understand your
• 41:59
  Stephanie Olson: problem. Yeah, that's a good point. I agree, yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah. I love, I love talking about things like that, because it's close to my heart, and I know other people struggle with it, and just to give a place, and so I would offer, like, if that's something you are going through and you need someone to talk, to reach out, because I am more than welcome to I am more than welcome. I'm more than happy to have a conversation with somebody. And you can reach us at, it is in our notes, in the podcast or YouTube, but you can reach me at Stephanie at set me free project.net, and Rebecca at set me free project.net, and we'd be happy to talk about addictions or human trafficking or anything that's right, yes.
• 42:50
  Stephanie Olson: So thank you so much. This was a good conversation. Rebecca, thank you for thank you for suggesting it. And if there's something you want to hear, please let us know we would love to hear from you and we'll see you next time get some R and R.
• 43:05
  Stephanie Olson: Bye. You.