Latest / 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids. / Teaching Kids Skills Needed to Live a Godly Life

Transcript

Teaching Kids Skills Needed to Live a Godly Life · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to another episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: Today I have a special guest, Rachel Norman.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: She's a mom of five kids born in five years, and she understands what it's like for lots of small problems to take over, leaving moms stressed to the max.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: But she has simple routines for everyone and life skill preparation for kids.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: So with that, your home can be a peaceful haven, not a source of stress stress that makes you want to escape.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: So Rachel has a BA and MS.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: She's a routine queen, certified sleep consultant, language of listening, parent coach.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: And she will help us today in giving us tips on skills needed to live a godly life.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, Rachel, for being with us.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to be here.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: I love this topic.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about it anyway.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad we can talk together.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's great.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to encourage everyone to go to the notes because Rachel's website will be there.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: And she also has a book which is called If Mama Ain't Happy.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: I love that title.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: And she has a new devotional coming out next week.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: So be sure to check it out on her website for lots of helps and and all the all the advice she can give you.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, when we talk about that, the the even if mama ain't happy, and we can think it's kind of like a threat, like if I'm not happy, nobody's happy, but it's more so like moms really can be the barometer of the home, you know, and really if if mom is not coping, it's just kind of a sign of probably not all going right.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I I guess I like to defend it a little.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying forget everybody else, you just gotta be happy.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like if you're really not doing well, they probably aren't either.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's more kind of what it means.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I I think uh when we're talking about this topic of the skills needed to live a godly life, I mean, it's just so important.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And when I think about it, we're actually having a situation at home now where we're having, as you do with kids, having to navigate like well, I do things a little differently than other people and other people's kids, you know, and it's like I but from not from a judgmental place of what they're doing, but like it, it, it require where we're at with our kid, my kids are currently age seven to 12.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's like we really and to encourage them to make these choices we want to make, godly choices that align with the Bible, you really have to equip them.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: And by that I mean we have to talk to them.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's a lot of truth telling that has to happen about the world and the way the world works.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it's like whenever we're talking about, okay, for screens, for example, that's something that's going on now.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, what are some ways that, what is some ungodly influences of screens?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta, instead of just protecting, we've got to actually kind of lay out.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: I guess when I think of equipping, I'd be interested to hear what you think too.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think of like, I like to lay out for my kids this is one path that a lot of people take.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: This is another path that our flesh literally just walks us down, you know.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Here is a high road path.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it is not the easy one.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: It is uphill sometimes.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like it actually requires some, and I honestly think, I actually think it requires life skills to live out your values, okay?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know people and you might know them too, where it's like, you know, they have the godly values, but that their life is like kind of not really reflecting it, and they're miserable because it isn't.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's actually skills in there.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: What do you do when this thing happens and you know you shouldn't do it?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: What do you do?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: What do you do when this comes up?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, I'm I'm just rambling.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, go on.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's great.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: I love your idea about teaching kids, you know, there's different ways and there's different approaches, but they have to know the godly approach and they have to know it's not the easy one.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: I guess yay, kids want easy.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: They do, they do, and it's actually people get and I think I've found this with my kids because I'm just one of those that says, look, things gonna be hard, we'll figure out it's gonna be okay, or even if they're crying, it's like this hurts.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna hurt for about five minutes and then it's gonna be okay.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually like knowing something is gonna be hard is comforting when it's true.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Kids honestly sense the truth, and it is comforting.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's much better just be like, oh, it's just like they're gonna be good kids.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you didn't even tell them the pitfall.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's like a big hole that I know there's always been holes.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: I guess we shouldn't say, oh, that's it's harder now than it ever was, but I guess I kind of think it is.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's a whole new element of dangers that just didn't exist 20 years ago, right?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you have to tell them there's a big sinkhole in the road, they gotta know it so they don't fall in it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's equipping, and it's not even you can do it without being like a fearmonger and cynical.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: You totally can, right?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like this is gonna come get you, and that's gonna come get you.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Not like that, but you still speaking the truth and preparing them when this happens and you come to the precipice of the sinkhole, you're gonna see all your friends just falling in.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Here's how to not fall in, that type of thing, you know.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's really great advice.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's just so important now.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you would agree.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I I just look around and I think almost a sense that I don't know that we were prepared for the challenges.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't know that we were all, you know, yes, we can't always be prepared for everything, but but um there's just a lot going on with our kids.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot going on with our young kids, and we can't change the world, so to speak.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it's more about just where where are our kids at?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Where are they, what's going on, where do we see they need more skills, and even with something like lying.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so this has come up with some moms I work with recently, and we would all agree.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, we know the Bible says God does not like lying tongues, right?
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: Does he he doesn't like it?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and we know we don't want to raise kids who just regularly lie, but actually there are skills involved to tell the truth.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're scared, when you don't want to get in trouble, when you want to be, you know, all of our flesh wants to just protect ourselves, right?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so it's almost like we can, even when our kids are behaving in ways we don't like, we can keep that boundary, of course, and not let them do things that we don't like, but also give them skills to help them.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is what you do when you feel that feeling, and it's like, oh no, I'm gonna lie, I gotta protect myself, but you know lying is not good.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Here is what you can do instead.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: You can take a deep breath.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I will be over here saying it just it's okay, just tell me, you know, we'll work through it together, whatever.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's like give them tools to be able to, or or you know, ways they can say and come up to you, you're going to be upset.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: I already feel bad for what I did.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the truth.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: You does that make sense?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's like we actually sometimes don't know how to be godly.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't know if that makes sense.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Some it's hard sometimes, and we don't actually in practice, we need skills to know how to do it, especially little kids.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that's that's really true.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: And um, on your website, you said you had a lot of articles.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: Do they deal with these skills?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them do, yep.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of life skill articles that you you'll see on there.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, even if you just, I just want to encourage moms that they're not rocket science either.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: You just, if you just think about it, like you say with the lying, you know, you're like, okay, one of my kids lies a lot.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: And our go-to is like horrible, sinful child, like your life's gonna be bad if you keep being up a liar, you know.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: And obviously we know it's not good for that.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: But you can zoom out in the mom and be like, okay, he's a line.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's some reason why he's lying.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's somehow working for him, even though it doesn't work.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: What are some skills?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: What are some things I can help him do so he doesn't default to lying?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: And they're probably not rocket science.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, your kid, I think you'll have ideas, you know.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's it's more so that mindset of thinking if they keep doing this thing that's not good, I need to teach them another way to to to get what they want in a way that's okay, you know.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: True.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I think too, you have to get at your child's motivation for doing that.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: Why are they lying?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: 100%, 100%.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: And and no, and realizing it's a normal motivation that makes sense because then you're not like this horrible child.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like, okay, yep, it makes sense you did that.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not really a behavior that's okay with me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: So let's figure out another way.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're on their side.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like you're getting on your kid's side against the quality or the behavior of lying, as opposed to being like your child is a liar and you're against them.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Then they're just going to be more tempted to lie because they don't want to make you mad and they hope they'll get away with it, you know?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's really good because being on their side, supporting them, loving them is like an example of what God does with us.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine if he just left us in our sin and said, You horrible, horrible thing.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, then it's like, what do I do?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: So are you homeschooling your five children?
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, we have before, but then years ago, when I got sick with cancer, and I was my mom saved the day with um finishing that homeschool.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: She was a retired teacher, and after that, it just made sense for all the things we prioritized to send them.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: So they go, we're out in the country, so they go to this small K-12 school um in the country.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, what you were saying about, I mean, my daughter's grown and married, but raising her, the culture was so different back then.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: So different and I was a teacher for many years.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so you you totally know.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I homeschooled my daughter for one year because she was having issues and we discovered she had ADHD.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: And she has a master's degree and is very successful.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: So that doesn't have that is so encouraging to me, Sandra.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because I one of my sons have has ADHD, and I realized recently that I had been holding this in my mind, I thought ADHD equals like self-destruction.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: And and I had had this thought, and so every behavior that he had that was a little challenging, I felt so um, it was like a spiral because I thought there's no way he can succeed.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I love I soak up these stories of of kids who had ADHD and just went out and used some of those skills to their advantage.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: It really encourages me.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, absolutely.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: They can learn skills, and I I joke with my daughter.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: I say, I mean, you know, it was hard to get her to pick up and organize when she was younger, but I mean her house is more organized than mine now.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, she's great, but uh yeah, I I'm planning to do a few episodes as a my my website has both practical um practical topics for parents, like parent meetings and helping your child with reading and the aspect of helping children develop a godly worldview.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: So plan to do a few sessions on maybe ADHD and and tips and things like that.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: But uh oh, that would be great.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, parents really need to be encouraged right now.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Moms are really there's a lot of parenting advice that and the advice, it's because of all these reels in the videos and the snippets, they can be like they can be short and they can give the idea.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying they're bad, but they can give the idea to mom that if mom was just nicer or used a sweeter voice that their kids would behave better.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then, or or it's so it means moms have a lot of shame, like, well, if my kid, like lying to the example, lied, I'm I'm horrible.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or like there's no sense of like kids just do these things and it's our job to be the bumpers, you know, like at the bowling alley, and we go around and help them.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: There's just so much shame related to parenting and so much fear.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's just moms are really, yeah, struggling.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe moms always have, but I know they really are right now.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, your your ideas and tips for building skills, uh, and I'm guessing you can start really young with those skills.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: Toddler.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, for sure, for sure.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: What are some that you would teach a toddler?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, even just in the way I I encourage moms to think about it with the toddlers, what moms often do is they think, okay, my child should learn these character qualities.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like they just think the child's gonna learn and do it all the time.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if they don't, they get mad.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So the way you think about it with a toddler is that you're just doing it with them, you're just modeling the good behavior with them.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like if they make a mess and you want them to clean up, you just do it with them.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you do it, they do it, you take their hand, they do it all together.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, so you're just with them doing the the behaviors that need to be done and not in like a you do it, I'll watch type of way.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because then you get into the power struggle, you know.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: So in those young ages, it's just almost modeling, or we say please when we ask for something, we say thank you.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then if a child forgets, which they're going to forget because their brain literally does not just, okay, I'll know I'll forever, I'll always say please.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just not how it works, you know?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And when they forget, it's not like you didn't say please.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like, oh, we say please.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's these type of things where you're just modeling the, you know, polite behavior or cleaning up or not screaming, oh, we don't scream inside.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Screaming's more of an outside thing.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if you I can see you want to scream right now, so we're gonna have to go outside or something like this.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like you're just not allowing the things you don't like, but not like you do with the younger ones or even the old, there's you really don't have to do this punishment, this negative, I'm gonna, you know, energy.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: When they're little, you just kind of have them do the things you want them to do and you know, bring them alongside you.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then there's a lot more cooperation, I guess.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: Those are great tips for parents.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I'm so glad that you joined us on five minute parenting.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I really encourage everyone to go to her website and check out all of her blogs and her upcoming book and her if mama ain't happy.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Rachel, for being with us.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: You too.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: You have a lovely day.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: You too.