Latest / Drawn of History / Matt McCusker _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _504(M4A_128K)

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Matt McCusker _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _504(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

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Speaker 1: I have some new tour dates to announce. I will
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Speaker 1: be in Cork, Ireland on June 9th at Live at
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Speaker 1: the Marquee. Tickets for this show go on sale Tuesday,
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Speaker 1: May 21st at 2 p.m.
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Speaker 2: Local time. We also have tickets.
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Speaker 1: Remaining in New York, New York on May 31st, Belfast,
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Speaker 1: UK on June 6th, London June 16th, Idaho Falls on
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Speaker 1: Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas, Nevada. We will be
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Speaker 1: down there on July 5th and 6th for the 4th
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Speaker 1: of July weekend. Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
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Speaker 1: And thank you so much for your support. Today's guest
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Speaker 1: is a comedian. He's a podcaster. He's the co-host of
0:55
Speaker 1: Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. He has a special that
1:00
Speaker 1: just premiered last year called The Speed of Light. He's
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Speaker 1: touring now everywhere. I'm grateful to get to spend time
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Speaker 1: with him. Today's guest is Matt McCusker.
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Speaker 2: Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you
1:20
Speaker 2: my story Well, what have you been watching? Have you
1:43
Speaker 2: been watching NBA Finals or War in Gaza? More War
1:50
Speaker 2: in Gaza, honestly. Yeah, I haven't caught a lot of
1:52
Speaker 2: the finals. Yeah. I'm being bombarded with the footage of
1:57
Speaker 2: the war, opinions about it. People have a different take.
2:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, people have, I guess, a lot of different takes
2:02
Speaker 1: over there. I don't even know what inning it is in.
2:06
Speaker 2: I think it's in overtime. I think they've been going
2:08
Speaker 2: for a while.
2:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like it's kind of, yeah, you feel
2:13
Speaker 1: like a referee would step in.
2:18
Speaker 2: You think? And mitigate it because it feels like it's
2:20
Speaker 2: like a 10-run rule genocide over there. Yeah, that's like
2:26
Speaker 2: the popular opinion that they're being totally genocided. They throw
2:28
Speaker 2: out the kids and you're like, damn, that's terrible. But
2:31
Speaker 2: then you get people going, hey, why can't Israel defend itself?
2:34
Speaker 2: And you go, all right, that's a fair point too. Oh, yeah. No,
2:37
Speaker 2: that's definitely a fair point. Yeah, I have no idea, man.
2:39
Speaker 2: I think it's awful. And it's like I hear a
2:43
Speaker 2: lot of people talk about it with certainty and I'm like, Yeah, sure. Yeah.
2:46
Speaker 2: Anytime I watch a video about pro-Palestine, I'm like, okay,
2:49
Speaker 2: I see that. And then we had RFK on our
2:51
Speaker 2: podcast yesterday, and he was like, actually, Israel rules. And
2:54
Speaker 2: we're like, okay, those are good points, too. But it's
2:57
Speaker 2: very bad from what I understand. The footage I see
2:59
Speaker 2: is really bad, and, you know, I just– I hope
3:01
Speaker 2: they can figure it out, but it looks like they're
3:02
Speaker 2: going to have to– a lot more people are going
3:04
Speaker 2: to have to die, and then they're going to maybe
3:06
Speaker 2: figure it out. Because the U.S.
3:07
Speaker 1: Could shut it down, couldn't they? It seems like we could, yeah.
3:10
Speaker 1: It seems like we could jump in and shut it down,
3:13
Speaker 1: you know? But we fund Israel. I just don't like
3:16
Speaker 1: that Netanyahu. I don't trust that Netanyahu guy.
3:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a shady character. That guy seems like just
3:22
Speaker 2: a— Just, yeah, like a control pervert or something. Yeah,
3:26
Speaker 2: he seems like a, like for real, a bad guy.
3:28
Speaker 2: He seems like a real deal bad guy. Even if
3:29
Speaker 2: you just look at him like, oh, that's the bad guy.
3:32
Speaker 2: If you asked a four-year-old, right, like who's the bad
3:35
Speaker 2: guy here, they would immediately pick out that dude. Also,
3:39
Speaker 2: whenever someone's been the president for like 27 years, that's
3:42
Speaker 2: usually the case where it's like, all right, the U.S.
3:44
Speaker 2: should go to war with both of them. We should
3:46
Speaker 2: start bombing Israel and Palestine until they both stop.
3:51
Speaker 3: Maybe.
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Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm spitballing. I'm spitballing. I think I've
3:53
Speaker 2: always thought we should give Mississippi to Palestine. That's not bad.
3:58
Speaker 2: One of them's going to get Mississippi. Loser gets Mississippi. Or,
4:02
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying? Give Palestine a place here,
4:04
Speaker 2: you know? That'd be cool. I'd be down with that.
4:07
Speaker 2: Because then at least the people would have a place
4:08
Speaker 2: to be, you know, where they could... True. Like, not be...
4:12
Speaker 2: in competition, I guess, with their neighbors and live at peace,
4:16
Speaker 2: you know? But yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
4:18
Speaker 2: I don't know a ton about it. I just, I
4:20
Speaker 2: just feel like a certain way, you know?
4:22
Speaker 3: Yeah.
4:23
Speaker 2: Yeah. I'll watch Norman Finkelstein and I'm like, holy shit,
4:25
Speaker 2: this guy. And I'm like, he's Jewish. So he's got
4:28
Speaker 2: the inside track. And then I watch people talk about him.
4:30
Speaker 2: Like he's, he's a piece of shit. And it's like, dude,
4:32
Speaker 2: it's a, it's a bad thing. The student protests are
4:35
Speaker 2: crazy too. Then you have peace demonstrations that fight each
4:38
Speaker 2: other over the issue. And it's like, it's kind of LARPing.
4:42
Speaker 2: Like when the college kids start like moshing. It's the
4:44
Speaker 2: new renaissance fair kind of. I mean, I hate, you know,
4:47
Speaker 2: I don't mean, and I don't mean to like belittle
4:49
Speaker 2: like that, but then it's like, and then the craziest
4:52
Speaker 2: part was at Ole Miss, they started yelling USA. It's like. Really?
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Speaker 4: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Which side was yelling USA? Oh, the frat boys. The
5:01
Speaker 2: frat boys, yeah. Came in and they were American. They
5:03
Speaker 2: were just like, don't bring any of this shit around here.
5:05
Speaker 2: They're kind of playing risk in real life. They were American.
5:07
Speaker 2: They came in like, yeah, dude, fuck, don't touch the flag.
5:10
Speaker 2: America rules. Yeah. Yeah, I think when people start taking
5:13
Speaker 2: down the flag, I guess that makes total sense too,
5:15
Speaker 2: you know? Yeah, you know, you can fight about anything really,
5:18
Speaker 2: you know?
5:19
Speaker 5: Yeah.
5:19
Speaker 2: That's one thing. To go to like a news story
5:20
Speaker 2: and just be like, all right, I'm this team. I'm
5:22
Speaker 2: going to fight these guys. I think sometimes you think, oh,
5:25
Speaker 2: maybe we're past war, but maybe that's just a side
5:29
Speaker 2: effect of living in America and not realizing that a
5:31
Speaker 2: lot of people still live in like a lot of conflict,
5:34
Speaker 2: you know? Yeah, no, it does. It seems more and
5:36
Speaker 2: more ridiculous. It seems like, like, back in the day,
5:38
Speaker 2: it was normal, you know, at least back then. Like,
5:40
Speaker 2: slavery was a worldwide institution that everyone was like, yeah,
5:43
Speaker 2: this is just how it is. And I wonder if
5:45
Speaker 2: war is going to become that in, like, 50 years
5:48
Speaker 2: where it's like, dude, you guys are going to war.
5:49
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, that's shitty. It's like, we didn't know.
5:51
Speaker 2: Because it is, it's insane. But it's like if someone
5:53
Speaker 2: attacks you, you have to attack them back to stop
5:56
Speaker 2: them from attacking you. So it's one of those things
5:58
Speaker 2: that's hard. It's hard to stop. It'd be nice, but
6:01
Speaker 2: it does seem more and more ridiculous, especially when you have, like,
6:04
Speaker 2: the politicians who were like, we got to love everyone.
6:06
Speaker 2: We need to like include marginalized. And they're like, go
6:09
Speaker 2: bomb the fuck out of those guys. You're like, all right,
6:11
Speaker 2: that's for sure. That's a weird change of pace, but yeah. Yeah.
6:16
Speaker 2: That's it. Yeah.
6:17
Speaker 1: You start to realize like, oh, this, it's all a
6:19
Speaker 1: bunch of bullshit kind of like, it's all like, yeah,
6:25
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm trying.
6:25
Speaker 2: It's like, No, it's absurd. War is becoming absurd now
6:30
Speaker 2: because it's just kind of like– Well, you can see
6:32
Speaker 2: why it's happening. I feel like it used to be
6:34
Speaker 2: this mirage, like we're fighting for the country and stuff.
6:36
Speaker 2: And now it's like– well, now people are like, what
6:39
Speaker 2: do you mean? You don't even care about our country.
6:41
Speaker 2: Like our government is just letting millions of people in.
6:45
Speaker 2: Eric Adams just said that they should let illegal immigrants–
6:49
Speaker 2: this is the fucking most insane thing I've ever heard.
6:53
Speaker 2: He said they should let illegal immigrants in. Be lifeguards
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Speaker 2: at pools, which is a job that is apparently in
7:01
Speaker 2: high demand because we don't have enough people doing the job. That's,
7:09
Speaker 2: I mean, dude, I had a community pool in Philly
7:11
Speaker 2: that we would get shut down because there were no
7:13
Speaker 2: lifeguards and used to drive me crazy. Oh. So it's
7:15
Speaker 2: a real thing. There are, there is, weirdly, there's a
7:18
Speaker 2: lack of lifeguards in like, at least in Philadelphia, there were,
7:21
Speaker 2: it was hard, they're hard to come across. I mean,
7:23
Speaker 2: it's pretty funny, but he said, because they're excellent swimmers.
7:25
Speaker 6: That states those jobs that we are in high demand,
7:31
Speaker 6: we could expedite. How do we have a large body
7:36
Speaker 6: of people that are in our city and country that
7:40
Speaker 6: are excellent swimmers, and at the same time, we need lifeguards?
7:45
Speaker 6: And the only obstacle is that we don't give them
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Speaker 6: the right to become a lifeguard.
7:53
Speaker 2: So you're saying illegal aliens are great swimmers? That's kind
7:56
Speaker 2: of like a setup for a pretty easy joke about
8:00
Speaker 2: Mexican dudes.
8:01
Speaker 1: Well, not Mexican. They didn't– like there's not even– it's
8:05
Speaker 1: all desert. I mean I could see maybe Cubans. I
8:08
Speaker 1: could see.
8:10
Speaker 2: Puerto Ricans maybe, Nova Scotians or somebody that would have
8:13
Speaker 2: to swim here. But– Well, that's the joke. Isn't that
8:17
Speaker 2: the joke, though? Mexican dudes say they swam here across
8:19
Speaker 2: some river, but... I mean, I would say... I don't know.
8:22
Speaker 2: Did they? I think so. But what river could it be?
8:26
Speaker 2: I could be wrong. I could be... Oh, the Rio Grande? Yeah.
8:28
Speaker 2: I think that's like the final, like in the Oregon Trail,
8:31
Speaker 2: when you have to do that final river. Yeah, I
8:34
Speaker 2: think that's the final thing they got to do. Well,
8:37
Speaker 2: that's not true. That's like knee deep, but... Oh, wow. Yeah,
8:39
Speaker 2: maybe that is the final thing. There's some of them
8:41
Speaker 2: congratulating their friends. Yeah. Yeah, they got to put out
8:45
Speaker 2: like an inner city Baywatch as like lifeguard propaganda to
8:48
Speaker 2: get people stoked on lifeguarding again. Dude, yeah. Why don't
8:51
Speaker 2: we have a Mexican Baywatch? Big, breasty lifeguards. That's what
8:58
Speaker 2: I'm saying. That was when lifeguarding was cool. Now, like
9:01
Speaker 2: nobody wants to be a lifeguard because it's kind of like,
9:03
Speaker 2: you know, it's not as cool as it was.
9:04
Speaker 7: Yeah.
9:05
Speaker 2: Pam Anderson, they could have. Yeah, and just like a
9:07
Speaker 2: bunch of Band-Aids floating in the pool would be tight.
9:09
Speaker 2: It'd be really cool. Dude, I would go run across
9:15
Speaker 2: the border every day and just fucking start drowning, get
9:18
Speaker 2: some CPR. True, dude. They got to fire something up
9:22
Speaker 2: because it does suck when you want to go to
9:24
Speaker 2: a pool in your neighborhood and they're like, oh, we're closed.
9:25
Speaker 2: And you're like, why? And they're like, we don't have lifeguards.
9:27
Speaker 2: And you're like, dude, are you fucking serious? But how
9:29
Speaker 2: do you not have a lifeguard? Usually they would let
9:30
Speaker 2: a 15-year-old or 16-year-old kid who is taller than some
9:34
Speaker 2: of the other kids. And he took a CPR class. Yeah.
9:38
Speaker 8: Right.
9:39
Speaker 2: Or learned it online. They would let him be the lifeguard.
9:43
Speaker 2: How was that? When did that stop? I don't know.
9:46
Speaker 2: I think it still is kids. I think they just
9:47
Speaker 2: don't want to work, I guess. I don't know what
9:48
Speaker 2: it is. Cause it's an easy, it's a cake job, dude.
9:51
Speaker 2: You're just sitting there on the high chair. No, I've just, I've,
9:54
Speaker 2: I've watched them. I've been watching them for a long time,
9:57
Speaker 2: but it's like, it seems easy. You just chose in
9:59
Speaker 2: a pool. It's easy. The ocean is real.
10:02
Speaker 8: Yeah.
10:02
Speaker 2: Pool. It's like, dude, just keep an eye. Make sure
10:04
Speaker 2: nobody drowns. Oh, yeah, pool. That guy wasn't watching kids.
10:07
Speaker 2: A lot of times it seemed like he was just
10:08
Speaker 2: trying to smash, like, any chicks or moms or whatever. Like,
10:12
Speaker 2: there'd be four drowning kids, and he'd be over there
10:16
Speaker 2: fucking just doing chest compressions on a divorce. That's the
10:22
Speaker 2: perks of the job. That's crazy. Kids don't want to
10:23
Speaker 2: do that. It's probably, like, $ 15 an hour hooking up
10:27
Speaker 2: with moms. Sunshine.
10:29
Speaker 1: And it's the best your body is probably the healthiest
10:32
Speaker 1: you're going to be.
10:32
Speaker 3: Yeah.
10:33
Speaker 1: You still have– exosome you still have like um cord
10:38
Speaker 1: blood in your system.
10:40
Speaker 2: Or whatever yeah man you get the young yeah like
10:42
Speaker 2: the platelets and all that stuff yeah and you can
10:43
Speaker 2: also do that thing where everyone has like public pools
10:45
Speaker 2: you'll have everyone has to get out for some reason
10:47
Speaker 2: they'll be like on like every hour like everyone out
10:49
Speaker 2: of the pool yeah for no reason gets back in
10:51
Speaker 2: so you could like start letting a couple ladies like
10:53
Speaker 2: you guys stay you guys out yeah like a water
10:55
Speaker 2: bouncer kind of yeah hot chicks in first you know
11:00
Speaker 2: At that age, you were so prime. You could just
11:02
Speaker 2: point at your dick and it would ejaculate, you know? Yeah, man.
11:05
Speaker 2: When you were like 15. Yeah. You're doing like, they're like,
11:08
Speaker 2: at least the ones on the beach, they do like
11:09
Speaker 2: insane conditioning too.
11:10
Speaker 6: Yeah.
11:11
Speaker 2: So, yeah, man. You could be, you're jacked, you're ripped.
11:14
Speaker 2: I think kids just aren't jacked that much. They're not
11:16
Speaker 2: as jacked anymore, so they're probably ashamed of their bodies.
11:18
Speaker 4: Yeah.
11:19
Speaker 2: They're pale and kind of like, you know, not as
11:21
Speaker 2: ripped as they were before. You think so? Yeah. Kids
11:23
Speaker 2: are not ripped like they were. They all wear fucking
11:26
Speaker 2: shirts now. Every little kid at the beach wears a
11:28
Speaker 2: fucking sun protective shirt. It's like, let me see your pecs.
11:32
Speaker 2: I'm trying to see how they're built. I want to
11:36
Speaker 2: make sure we're not degenerating. Actually, I met a kid
11:38
Speaker 2: at the beach. There's a picture of a kid I
11:40
Speaker 2: met years ago, and we kept in touch over a letter.
11:44
Speaker 2: We've been pen pals for a few years. Yeah. What
11:47
Speaker 2: was he wearing? Oh, he wasn't wearing much. He was
11:49
Speaker 2: kind of a thicker kid. I think one of his
11:52
Speaker 2: parents had passed away. Oh, damn. If you find it,
11:54
Speaker 2: bring it. There we go. And that kid was like nine,
12:01
Speaker 2: one of those big kids. A big niner. That's good, though.
12:04
Speaker 2: That's his cocoon. He's about to totally morph. Who's the dude?
12:08
Speaker 2: That's me, buddy.
12:09
Speaker 1: What?
12:09
Speaker 8: Yeah.
12:10
Speaker 2: Bro, when was this? That's back when you could wear
12:13
Speaker 2: what you wanted before the government said everything. Dude, you
12:18
Speaker 2: look great, man. Thanks, dude. See, that's what I'm saying. Like,
12:20
Speaker 2: that kid should be more ripped than you just by
12:22
Speaker 2: laws of nature. I mean, again, I'm not shaming him, obviously.
12:25
Speaker 2: I was a fat young kid, too, so. Oh, that
12:27
Speaker 2: kid ripped into some cookies, dude. That dude was a
12:30
Speaker 2: fucking snack daddy. He was a little fucking snack serpent.
12:35
Speaker 2: Were you fat when you were younger?
12:37
Speaker 1: No, I was fat. I remember there was like one
12:39
Speaker 1: fall or something. Everybody in our town got fat or something.
12:41
Speaker 2: I think something bad happened. And then everybody got fat.
12:45
Speaker 2: And then, like, in the spring, everybody, like, kind of
12:47
Speaker 2: thinned out. Yeah. Seventh grade is, like, peak fat. Seventh
12:52
Speaker 2: grade for kids, you get, like, really fat. And then
12:53
Speaker 2: puberty kind of, like, shoots you up. Yeah. Did you
12:56
Speaker 2: go through a thicker time in your life?
12:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
12:59
Speaker 2: I was pretty chubby. I wanted to play football. And
13:00
Speaker 2: I stopped growing. So I was like, I'm just going
13:02
Speaker 2: to get huge. So I did, like, the gallon of
13:04
Speaker 2: milk a day thing. And, like, eighth grade going into ninth.
13:06
Speaker 2: And I just got fat as hell. I was like
13:08
Speaker 2: super fat. I just got fat and I got cut
13:10
Speaker 2: from the football team. Yeah, you're just drinking a gallon
13:13
Speaker 2: of milk a day, dude. You're a newborn. They used
13:18
Speaker 2: to say that. If you drink a gallon of milk
13:19
Speaker 2: a day, you just put on tons of mass. Now,
13:21
Speaker 2: you know the Cozy Shack rice puddings? Uh-uh. They're these
13:24
Speaker 2: big tubs of rice pudding. I would crush one of
13:26
Speaker 2: those every day. Bring up a couple rice puddings. Dude,
13:28
Speaker 2: Cozy Shack. That was my shit. I used to crush
13:30
Speaker 2: them in class. I got really big. I just wasn't
13:33
Speaker 2: tall enough. I played D-end, and then I stopped growing.
13:35
Speaker 2: I'm 5'10. Yeah, those things, man. God damn it, man.
13:38
Speaker 2: Were they good? Yeah, they're so good. You guys ever
13:41
Speaker 2: eat Cozy Shack? It's good, man. I used to crush
13:43
Speaker 2: a tub. It was like nine servings, and I would
13:47
Speaker 2: sit there in class and put it down. They called
13:48
Speaker 2: me Fat Matt. I had a serious fat period. Really?
13:50
Speaker 2: But I did own it. I really owned it. My
13:52
Speaker 2: screen name, my AOL screen name was Fat Matt.
13:55
Speaker 8: Oh.
13:55
Speaker 2: Then I got kicked off of AOL because I had
13:57
Speaker 2: written something- It was like a rap lyric about gun
14:00
Speaker 2: violence in a chat room. I was just like a
14:03
Speaker 2: Beastie Boys song. And then Columbine happened the next day.
14:06
Speaker 2: So someone reported my day before post as like GOAT
14:09
Speaker 2: and Columbine. I didn't do that. So I got kicked
14:11
Speaker 2: off AOL. I got reported. My parents kicked me off AOL.
14:14
Speaker 2: And then I came back. I got kicked off like
14:15
Speaker 2: a year. At least I think my parents restricted me
14:18
Speaker 2: for that long. God, really? My new screen name, Fat
14:20
Speaker 2: Matt Strikes Back. I came back. Yeah, I came back. Oh, yeah.
14:24
Speaker 2: Like the Jedi or whatever? Return of the Fat Eye? Yeah. See,
14:28
Speaker 2: I got kicked off of AOL, man. It sucked. That
14:30
Speaker 2: was the shit. After school, just putting up your chats.
14:32
Speaker 2: There's the girls in your class. You'd be like, yo,
14:34
Speaker 2: what's up? Did you do that? I never did that.
14:37
Speaker 2: You didn't do the AOL chat? The instant messenger? No,
14:39
Speaker 2: I don't know what I did. I usually just went
14:40
Speaker 2: home and felt bad about myself for a couple hours.
14:45
Speaker 2: But yeah, I would have probably rather do it online
14:47
Speaker 2: to other people. But then we started this podcast. That's
14:50
Speaker 2: how we do it now. Well, you could go back then.
14:52
Speaker 2: You would do an instant messenger when it was time
14:55
Speaker 2: for dinner. You put like an away message. You'd be like,
14:56
Speaker 2: you'd come up with something cool. Like, yo, I'm not
14:58
Speaker 2: here right now. I'll be back. Yeah, at the mall. Yeah,
15:01
Speaker 2: at the mall. Did you crush the mall too when
15:02
Speaker 2: you were younger? Have to go to work. Dude, we
15:04
Speaker 2: used to go camp outside of the mall because it
15:06
Speaker 2: was about maybe, the mall was probably 17 miles away.
15:09
Speaker 2: It was kind of near this pizza hut. Damn. We
15:12
Speaker 2: would go camp out there. So we'd go.
15:15
Speaker 1: On Saturday, bring a tent, camp out, and go back
15:18
Speaker 1: in Sunday morning and just do everything that they had
15:21
Speaker 1: in there. They had all types of shops for a while.
15:25
Speaker 1: They had a— what was that one that had all the
15:31
Speaker 1: stuff for kids kind of like or weird shit?
15:34
Speaker 2: It would have a lava lamp and then like a— Oh, Spencer's.
15:37
Speaker 2: Pride flag, yeah. Spencer's, yeah. Yeah. You can get, like,
15:41
Speaker 2: a dildo. They just sold, like, dildos and lava lamps and, like,
15:44
Speaker 2: attitude posters and shit.
15:46
Speaker 5: Yeah.
15:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. It was like, you can do it, you know,
15:48
Speaker 2: and then it'd be a dildo. And they're like, that
15:49
Speaker 2: doesn't even... What is this about? They had, like, gag gifts.
15:53
Speaker 2: You can get, like, the small pecker condom, which was, like,
15:55
Speaker 2: a teeny tiny condom and, like, hand it to someone.
15:56
Speaker 2: They'd be like, oh, dude, what the fuck? Yeah. Why'd
15:59
Speaker 2: you do this to me? It was the worst... Yeah,
16:01
Speaker 2: or you could get, like, a condom that had, like,
16:03
Speaker 2: pepper on it. Yeah. Just shit that was, like, you know...
16:09
Speaker 2: And you'd see somebody cutting one up into, like, a
16:10
Speaker 2: bowl of chili. Like, nobody knew how you used some
16:14
Speaker 2: of the products there, dude. Yeah, Spencer's was, like, blacklight
16:18
Speaker 2: alien posters, like, wildly sexual gifts. Yeah. Yeah, it was
16:24
Speaker 2: the— It did well, man. That store was around forever.
16:28
Speaker 2: They had— I believe they had some racial gifts, too. I
16:32
Speaker 2: would imagine. One time I saw a hat there— I remember
16:34
Speaker 2: this anyway— I saw I had it said the N
16:37
Speaker 2: word on the front, right? On the back, it said
16:40
Speaker 2: just joking across the back. And I'm like, first of all,
16:47
Speaker 2: and we're like trying them on or whatever. And I'm like,
16:50
Speaker 2: the odds of, first of all, if someone sees the front,
16:51
Speaker 2: they're going to get pissed, right? The last thing you
16:54
Speaker 2: want to do to that person is show them the back.
16:57
Speaker 2: Turn your back to them, dude. They're going to beat
17:00
Speaker 2: the shit out of you. Mid-punch, like, oh, shit, my bad.
17:02
Speaker 2: I know you're just fucking around. Dude, that's crazy. Yeah,
17:08
Speaker 2: what happened to Spencer's? Let's find that out because that
17:11
Speaker 2: is– I feel like they got bought by Hot Topic, maybe.
17:14
Speaker 2: I feel like that also sounds like just two gay
17:16
Speaker 2: dudes that fall. Like, hey, Spencer and Hot Topic are fucking,
17:19
Speaker 2: you know, flailing it out over there. I used to
17:23
Speaker 2: work in the mall. It's like a for real. It's
17:25
Speaker 2: like a it's like a subculture. If you're a mall employee,
17:28
Speaker 2: you talk to the other mall employees and you guys
17:29
Speaker 2: like trade discounts with each other. I worked at a
17:32
Speaker 2: candy stand in the mall for like three months. I
17:36
Speaker 2: had a bad thing I see. I want to know
17:37
Speaker 2: more about it. I want to know what happened to
17:39
Speaker 2: Spencer's real quick just so we have this information. Go ahead, please, please, please.
17:42
Speaker 2: Spencer's gifts was founded in 1947 in Easton, Pennsylvania by
17:45
Speaker 2: Max Spencer as a mail order catalog which sold an
17:49
Speaker 2: assortment of novelty merchandise. Wow. The company moved all mail
17:53
Speaker 2: order and fulfillment operations to Atlantic City, New Jersey in 1960.
17:55
Speaker 2: They still have 650 stores.
17:58
Speaker 9: Wow.
17:59
Speaker 7: Whoa.
18:00
Speaker 2: Seagram bought them. Oh, they acquired Halloween... Halloween.
18:04
Speaker 1: Spirit of Halloween, which was a seasonal retailer. That all
18:07
Speaker 1: makes sense.
18:08
Speaker 2: Spirit of Halloween is a nice hustle. You open up
18:10
Speaker 2: for like three months, make like probably $ 70, 000 and just
18:13
Speaker 2: shut them down. Yeah. I've been peeping those out for
18:16
Speaker 2: a while. Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting into something like that.
18:18
Speaker 2: That would be nice, man. They're cheap. They cost nothing.
18:21
Speaker 2: And you can use them year after year after. They
18:23
Speaker 2: don't spoil. Yeah, but then you have a garage full
18:25
Speaker 2: of Freddy masks all year and you can't park in
18:27
Speaker 2: your– you don't know where to park your car. You
18:29
Speaker 2: need a big storage space. It is fucked up to
18:30
Speaker 2: have that many Freddy masks. Yeah, dude. That many bloody
18:33
Speaker 2: plastic butcher knives? True. That would be kind of damning.
18:38
Speaker 2: The worst part is, dude, imagine you coming in. You're
18:40
Speaker 2: drunk a little bit, right? Or pilled up or whatever.
18:44
Speaker 2: People in your family are pilled up or your pilled
18:47
Speaker 2: up son drives into the driveway, right? He hits a
18:49
Speaker 2: couple of the boxes, dude. And one of the boxes
18:51
Speaker 2: is this ghost that's like– That might scare him straight.
18:56
Speaker 2: And the whole fucking box just starts making that sound, dude. Oh,
18:59
Speaker 2: my God. That'd be terrifying. We did the mash. Just
19:03
Speaker 2: motion activated. It's a chorus of skulls. Your car hits
19:05
Speaker 2: a box and it fucking just activated it, dude. And
19:08
Speaker 2: it's like 40 of those bats just singing the graveyard smash. Dude,
19:14
Speaker 2: if you can't, especially like a lot of warehouses, you know,
19:16
Speaker 2: businesses go out of, they go out of business and
19:18
Speaker 2: then it's like. If you're, like, renting warehouses, they're always
19:21
Speaker 2: full of, like, a shit of a failed business. So
19:22
Speaker 2: you could be, like, a dark warehouse by yourself and, like,
19:24
Speaker 2: what is this stuff? Yeah, and you just get motion
19:26
Speaker 2: activated on, like, 25 green-eyed cats. Businesses are fucking gay, dude,
19:31
Speaker 2: I think, honestly. Yeah, they suck, man. They do suck. Yeah,
19:34
Speaker 2: think about it, dude. They are. Yeah. Dude, I was totally,
19:40
Speaker 2: when I was younger, I was completely anti-business. I would
19:42
Speaker 2: work retail. Yeah. And I would steal, unfortunately, I would
19:45
Speaker 2: never do that now, but I used to steal badly from,
19:47
Speaker 2: if I liked the person, I wouldn't steal. If they
19:50
Speaker 2: were mean, I'd be like, all right, then we'll see
19:52
Speaker 2: about this. And I could figure every place has like
19:54
Speaker 2: a giant loophole on the cash register. Like if you,
19:57
Speaker 2: there'd be like a thing where it's like free baby cone.
19:59
Speaker 2: If like a baby comes up, give them a free cone.
20:01
Speaker 2: But if anything rang up to exactly like $ 20 or 25,
20:04
Speaker 2: where you didn't have to make change, you can just
20:06
Speaker 2: hit free baby cone. And then when you go to
20:08
Speaker 2: go to the register, just crumple it all up and
20:10
Speaker 2: like stuff it in your shoe. It was bad. It was, yeah,
20:12
Speaker 2: it was very bad. I feel bad about that. Have
20:15
Speaker 2: you ever gone and made peace with those people or
20:17
Speaker 2: seek them out? No, because they were my enemies. They
20:20
Speaker 2: were for real were my enemies. Oh, yeah. What kind
20:22
Speaker 2: of place was it? One ice cream shop, Brewster's. These
20:26
Speaker 2: are fucking good people. Well, the manager, they were great.
20:30
Speaker 2: They were fine. At the candy place, they were for
20:33
Speaker 2: real dickheads. They came, they only wanted high school girls
20:35
Speaker 2: working there. And then there was a manager who did
20:38
Speaker 2: a bunch of– the place was called like Scoop Nuts,
20:40
Speaker 2: which is kind of funny. But the– there was– this
20:44
Speaker 2: lady hired me. She had like put in sweat equity,
20:47
Speaker 2: all of this stuff. And she was saying like they
20:50
Speaker 2: were trying to like get rid of– you know, again,
20:51
Speaker 2: it's all allegedly. I don't want the Scoop Nuts franchise
20:55
Speaker 2: to attack me. But finally– It's all rumors. It's all rumors.
20:58
Speaker 2: But finally the owners came in and they were just
21:00
Speaker 2: being– like who hired you? Why are you here? I
21:02
Speaker 2: was like– Like I'm Matt. Yeah, dude, like I'm trying
21:05
Speaker 2: to make money. I'm trying to make a living like
21:06
Speaker 2: everybody else. I need gas money. And then from then on,
21:09
Speaker 2: when I thought the lady owned it, I was straight
21:11
Speaker 2: as an arrow. And those two dudes came and they
21:12
Speaker 2: were like, the lady was like, they're fucking me. You know,
21:14
Speaker 2: this sucks. This is bullshit. I'm so sorry. I was like,
21:17
Speaker 2: no problem. I knew my time was limited. So I
21:19
Speaker 2: cashed up big time. Yeah. How much did you take
21:22
Speaker 2: from anything or allegedly take from if you even did it?
21:24
Speaker 2: I mean, it would have been at the time it
21:26
Speaker 2: seemed crazy because I would leave with like 70 bucks
21:29
Speaker 2: a shift and be like, holy fuck. fuck that's a
21:31
Speaker 2: lot yeah i was crushing them i was i was
21:33
Speaker 2: getting after i was getting after because that register you
21:35
Speaker 2: just typed up you weighed it and typed the amount
21:37
Speaker 2: so i'd be like it was weighed a certain thing
21:39
Speaker 2: i was just taxing it who would order 70 bucks
21:42
Speaker 2: for the nuts yeah it wouldn't be it'd be like
21:43
Speaker 2: everything was five to ten bucks but then i could
21:45
Speaker 2: just be like 250 i could just type it in
21:47
Speaker 2: the register baby come baby come baby cut the fucking
21:50
Speaker 2: weight in half too i feel bad if i ever
21:51
Speaker 2: if they ever reached out i'd obviously just say it
21:53
Speaker 2: to them now you can talk right into that camera
21:55
Speaker 2: i i got it man i probably owe them like
21:56
Speaker 2: 500 bucks Which in high school was a lot.
21:59
Speaker 1: That's an insane amount of money. That's what I'm saying
22:01
Speaker 1: back then. Now that's like almost $ 20, 000, $ 30, 000. True. With inflation.
22:09
Speaker 1: I bought my first house off. You have a boat.
22:14
Speaker 2: It says nuts scoop on the back of it. That's
22:16
Speaker 2: the name of it. But, you know, they were probably
22:18
Speaker 2: fine guys. I was just getting information. You know, when
22:20
Speaker 2: you're 17, you don't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah.
22:23
Speaker 2: But you know if you should steal or not. Yeah,
22:26
Speaker 2: I was bad on that. That was my fault. For real,
22:28
Speaker 2: that was a weakness of mine. Theft was a weakness. Dude,
22:31
Speaker 2: I was, I love to steal. What was it about stealing, man?
22:35
Speaker 2: I would try to like, let me think of some
22:37
Speaker 2: things that I stole. Dude, I stole a buddy of
22:39
Speaker 2: mine's boxer shorts one time. He had some nice ones, right?
22:41
Speaker 2: They were from like Gap or something. Or like, I
22:46
Speaker 2: don't even know what they had. I think they had,
22:51
Speaker 2: or something. I think there was from Gap or maybe
22:53
Speaker 2: they was made out of silk.
22:55
Speaker 8: Oh.
22:56
Speaker 2: Oh God, it was nice. That fucking. Yeah.
22:58
Speaker 3: Yeah.
22:58
Speaker 2: I had a pair of them. They were nice. And silk,
23:00
Speaker 2: and yeah, it must have probably took 70,000 spiders to
23:04
Speaker 2: make these fucking boxes, right? Like it was stunning. Yeah.
23:07
Speaker 2: And I stole them and then wore them to his
23:09
Speaker 2: fucking house. And he's like, dude, those are my boxers.
23:12
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, these aren't. No way, dude.
23:17
Speaker 2: You're crazy. And then he was always like, I don't
23:19
Speaker 2: know if he was gay, but he was always trying
23:20
Speaker 2: to take them off of my body. True. That is
23:22
Speaker 2: fucked up. He was trying to do that. Yeah, so
23:24
Speaker 2: that's definitely— So you guys were just getting changed, and
23:26
Speaker 2: he was like, yo, those are mine. You're like, yo,
23:27
Speaker 2: stop looking at my dick, bro. This is crazy. Yeah,
23:29
Speaker 2: he was trying to take them off me. I'm like,
23:30
Speaker 2: even if I'm a thief, dude, that doesn't mean you
23:32
Speaker 2: should be gay. True. Two wrongs don't make a right. Yeah, dude.
23:36
Speaker 2: So it's just that kind of activity in the community
23:38
Speaker 2: was kind of changing the scope in our area. I
23:42
Speaker 2: had a dude who— I knew of a guy who his
23:45
Speaker 2: friend had stolen something similar. His friend had stolen his
23:48
Speaker 2: favorite T-shirt or something he really liked, and he's stolen it.
23:51
Speaker 2: And he was like, give it back to me. His
23:52
Speaker 2: friend wouldn't give it back. He's like, fuck you. They're
23:54
Speaker 2: like messing around. And this dude went into his house,
23:57
Speaker 2: and the kid had a hot sister, and he stole
23:59
Speaker 2: a pair of the sister's panties. And then went to
24:02
Speaker 2: the dude and was like, yo, I fucked this chick.
24:05
Speaker 2: Check it out. And hit him, hit the panties, and
24:06
Speaker 2: he went, awesome. And then he was his sister? I
24:09
Speaker 2: never told him. Yeah, he's like, oh. It's so diabolical.
24:13
Speaker 2: He told me. I was like, I mean, you definitely
24:15
Speaker 2: won that battle, but I was like, that's a heavy cost.
24:19
Speaker 2: That's a heavy cost to win the war. And that's
24:22
Speaker 2: the kind of shit that's happening in Gaza, dude. It
24:26
Speaker 2: needs to stop. Yeah, we need to send force right now.
24:30
Speaker 2: What the crazy thing is over there, it's like, I
24:34
Speaker 2: don't know enough about it. I need to have people
24:37
Speaker 2: on that know about it. Yeah, but the problem is
24:39
Speaker 2: usually they take one side. Right, maybe they have one
24:42
Speaker 2: of each. Then they just fight. Dude, this guy, do
24:44
Speaker 2: you know Destiny? He's on every podcast. Separate episodes. Yeah,
24:48
Speaker 2: it's him. Yeah, true. He's on separate episodes. But you
24:50
Speaker 2: get like, two really fast-talking guys, and they just, like,
24:54
Speaker 2: go on these, like, the Abraham Accords of 1974, you're
24:57
Speaker 2: just kind of like, I can't tell who's winning right now.
24:59
Speaker 4: It's tough.
25:00
Speaker 2: Separate episodes, I think, is what I need, because I
25:02
Speaker 2: want to know more about it. Okay, I thought you
25:04
Speaker 2: were saying he's on every one. Yeah, I want to
25:06
Speaker 2: have two guys, separate episodes. Yeah, that's because I want
25:09
Speaker 2: to know more about it. It just feels fucked up, like,
25:12
Speaker 2: in my heart. Like, if I ask my heart what's
25:14
Speaker 2: going on here, it's like, you got a free Palestine.
25:17
Speaker 2: I don't know how, though.
25:18
Speaker 1: It's like you have to, or I know that's just
25:19
Speaker 1: the term, but it's like, Yeah, I don't know because
25:23
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like they're bad guys.
25:25
Speaker 3: No.
25:26
Speaker 2: But then there's the October 7th, and that's horrible. Well,
25:30
Speaker 2: the problem is the Hamas distinction is tough because then
25:33
Speaker 2: the Hamas, they say, hides within the civilian population. But
25:35
Speaker 2: then the civilian population elected Hamas. But then if you
25:38
Speaker 2: look into why, it's like they got bombed terribly, so
25:41
Speaker 2: they're like, all right, well then, fuck you.
25:42
Speaker 8: Right.
25:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, it's one of those things. It's like, dude,
25:45
Speaker 2: and apparently there's other genocides going on, too. That's not
25:48
Speaker 2: the only one. Oh, really? Yeah, I think so. I
25:50
Speaker 2: think there's some other terrible wars going on. I could
25:52
Speaker 2: be wrong, but I think there's some other ones as well. Yeah.
25:54
Speaker 2: So there's a lot. There's a lot of them. I
25:56
Speaker 2: think they're always going on, too, which is terrible. Oh,
25:58
Speaker 2: there's one in Wyoming? Genocide warning in Manupur, India. Okay,
26:05
Speaker 2: Israel Hamas is up there. Genocide Watch, Turkey's obstruction of
26:08
Speaker 2: aid to Kurds. Genocide Alerts. This is currently from genocidealerts.com.
26:12
Speaker 2: That's a website? Who bought that? This is fucking unbelievable.
26:18
Speaker 2: What kind of world do we live in? Does this
26:20
Speaker 2: show up on your whoop bracelet or something? This is
26:24
Speaker 2: unbelievable that we have a website called Genocide Alerts now.
26:28
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So you wake up in the morning and
26:30
Speaker 2: you check. Genocide emergencies and warnings 2024. Current alerts. Israel, Hamas,
26:36
Speaker 2: and Gaza. Manipur, India. I'm looking for the PayPal link
26:43
Speaker 2: at the bottom. Yeah. That would be like $ 0.
26:46
Speaker 3: 05.
26:46
Speaker 2: We'll keep fighting these. Yeah, dude, there's more. Oh, that's 2022. Okay,
26:54
Speaker 2: so there's not too, too many. I wonder if we
26:58
Speaker 2: get accurate news about it, too, though. That's a thing.
27:01
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it's pretty tough, man. It's like coming
27:03
Speaker 2: out of usually some sort of dictatorship on one side
27:06
Speaker 2: or the other. Dude, I don't know what's going on.
27:08
Speaker 2: If you ask me about Texas politics, I'm like, I
27:10
Speaker 2: don't know. I have no clue.
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Speaker 1: the podcast matt mccusker your podcaster and a comedian yeah
29:41
Speaker 1: well you started out obviously working in ice cream you
29:44
Speaker 1: started out working in.
29:45
Speaker 2: Theft theft yeah yeah it was theft ice cream retail
29:49
Speaker 2: no i retailed you work at it Uh, it was
29:52
Speaker 2: really just Brewster's and the candy place. I did, my
29:55
Speaker 2: family did construction, so I did more construction growing up,
29:58
Speaker 2: but it was like, I got a couple of retail.
30:00
Speaker 2: I kind of did almost every, I worked in an
30:02
Speaker 2: office for a couple months, did retail, did construction, uh,
30:06
Speaker 2: pizza delivery, did pizza delivery. It was kind of cool.
30:08
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. Yeah. It was pretty chill. Pizza delivery was
30:11
Speaker 2: pretty crazy, dude. Yeah. I was delivering pizza in a
30:14
Speaker 2: bad neighborhood too. And that's like scary as fuck. I
30:16
Speaker 2: had multiple, I had multiple instances where I had to
30:19
Speaker 2: like same time a pie and With the cash. It
30:22
Speaker 2: was crazy. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was not good.
30:26
Speaker 2: I used to cook. I was the cook, too, so
30:27
Speaker 2: I would cook. I was there by myself. I would cook,
30:30
Speaker 2: and then I would lock the store and then go
30:31
Speaker 2: deliver a pizza and have to, like, think, all right,
30:34
Speaker 2: let me see that. It was crazy. It was unbelievable.
30:38
Speaker 2: You were basically a one-man business. Why were you working
30:40
Speaker 2: for somebody else? It was my cousin's shop. He started
30:45
Speaker 2: a pizza shop, dude, and I was like, yeah, I'll
30:46
Speaker 2: do it. And I had quit the office job. I
30:48
Speaker 2: was at a sales job and I quit that. I
30:50
Speaker 2: was like, dude, I can't do this anymore. Did you
30:52
Speaker 2: ever sell telemarketing?
30:53
Speaker 1: Did you ever sell like Tony little gazelle freestylers to
30:56
Speaker 1: people on like, my buddy used to do that. My
30:58
Speaker 1: buddy had to work for his dad one summer and
31:00
Speaker 1: his dad owned like a call center and he had
31:02
Speaker 1: his call and.
31:03
Speaker 2: Sell with this Tony. Oh, he was doing those.
31:05
Speaker 1: Dude, he had to sell Tony little gazelle freestylers, dude.
31:10
Speaker 1: And it's basically just like, it's almost like a, It's
31:13
Speaker 1: like a swing set for people who could be, and
31:16
Speaker 1: I don't like to say this word out loud, but retarded.
31:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:19
Speaker 1: It's a swing set. It's like a bipedal swing set
31:23
Speaker 1: for people that could be retarded. It's like for people
31:25
Speaker 1: that are afraid to ski, right? Basically, it's like this.
31:28
Speaker 1: So it's like wives. I remember those things. It's like
31:31
Speaker 1: so you can practice as a wife leaving your husband.
31:34
Speaker 1: It's like that's how you would go, right? It's like
31:36
Speaker 1: every wife that wanted to leave their husband, if they
31:38
Speaker 1: were afraid, they would just get on this for an hour.
31:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, he would just Pied Piper them away. Yeah, that
31:43
Speaker 2: thing's crazy.
31:43
Speaker 1: My buddy had to cold call people and try to
31:45
Speaker 1: sell it to them. So, dude, but also they had
31:48
Speaker 1: numbers that would go in that people would call in,
31:50
Speaker 1: and we would call in all the time, dude.
31:53
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. And he had to do like a
31:55
Speaker 2: 30-second preamble right when you called, dude. He would do it,
31:59
Speaker 2: and we'd be like, quit! Did you ever do a
32:03
Speaker 2: call center? No, man. I worked at– we had a
32:07
Speaker 2: pizza place, too. I worked at one called BJ's in–
32:12
Speaker 2: And then there was another one, Born Again Crustians. It
32:15
Speaker 2: was a pizza. Dude, that's nice. It was pretty cool.
32:18
Speaker 2: It was like this church had started a little Italian
32:21
Speaker 2: pie area. Dude, I sold Italian food door to door
32:24
Speaker 2: with a dude, right? There was this guy my mom
32:27
Speaker 2: went on a date with. And he was like, he
32:31
Speaker 2: wasn't even Italian. He just had a mustache. That's kind
32:35
Speaker 2: of the part of the South we were in. If
32:37
Speaker 2: somebody had a mustache, they were Italian. Yeah. We're like,
32:40
Speaker 2: what do you mean? He's fucking has a cleft. Yeah.
32:44
Speaker 2: So anyway, but I had to go door to door
32:47
Speaker 2: with him and I was just like his assistant or something.
32:49
Speaker 2: I would get like two bucks, but he would just
32:52
Speaker 2: sell like Italian, like frozen stuff to wives or whatever.
32:55
Speaker 2: And then dude, I swear sometimes I kind of remember this.
32:58
Speaker 2: He would just leave me alone for, and I know
33:00
Speaker 2: he was like talking to these wives, like just like
33:03
Speaker 2: dirty business. Um, But let's get into it. I sidetracked it.
33:09
Speaker 2: So Matt, so that's what you were working in. Yeah,
33:11
Speaker 2: I was doing, you know, I grew up mainly doing
33:14
Speaker 2: construction with odd jobs. And then I went to school
33:18
Speaker 2: for psychology. And then I tried to, well, I did.
33:21
Speaker 2: I dropped my psychology major and then switched to business.
33:24
Speaker 2: Just because my friends were in business. So I was like,
33:26
Speaker 2: I'm going to go chill with my friends. So I
33:27
Speaker 2: switched my whole major to be in class with my friends. Really?
33:31
Speaker 3: Yeah.
33:31
Speaker 2: It wasn't good. It wasn't a good idea. Looking back
33:34
Speaker 2: on it, I'm like, damn, I fucked up. Because psychology
33:36
Speaker 2: is like, you got to go to school for like
33:37
Speaker 2: seven more years. And I was like, fuck that. Like
33:40
Speaker 2: all my friends were in business. I'm like, I'm just
33:42
Speaker 2: going to do that. So I was like, I'm going
33:43
Speaker 2: to go to school for business. And I assumed if
33:45
Speaker 2: I went to school for business, I'd automatically make $ 100, 000
33:48
Speaker 2: a year. Just when I told myself, yeah, I'll make
33:50
Speaker 2: 100 G's for sure. And like 2008 came, the real
33:54
Speaker 2: estate market collapsed. But I, no, I started doing standup
33:57
Speaker 2: when I was like 23 in Philly. Okay. So I
34:00
Speaker 2: would do it. I, my, what I would do is
34:02
Speaker 2: I do stand up for like six months and I'd
34:03
Speaker 2: be like, fuck this and stop. Do it for like
34:06
Speaker 2: nine months. Fuck this and stop. And I just did
34:07
Speaker 2: that forever and ever and ever. So, and then me
34:11
Speaker 2: and Shane started the podcast and I had still been
34:13
Speaker 2: doing standup. Back then I was doing standup a lot.
34:15
Speaker 2: So I just got divorced. Oh, you did?
34:17
Speaker 3: Yeah.
34:17
Speaker 2: I made a really, when I was, when I was younger,
34:20
Speaker 2: I was like 26 or seven. I like got engaged
34:23
Speaker 2: when I was younger and I was like, no more
34:25
Speaker 2: of this bullshit or funny business. I want to put
34:26
Speaker 2: my best foot forward. and be a husband. And I
34:29
Speaker 2: just fucking failed, dude. Like I couldn't do it. I
34:33
Speaker 2: for real thought, I just thought that's what you do.
34:34
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, it's time to, you know, quit fucking around.
34:37
Speaker 2: I like try to get, I was like a personal
34:38
Speaker 2: trainer at LA Fitness. I was, like, selling weed. Like,
34:41
Speaker 2: it was bad. It was bad, dude. Damn, dude. It
34:45
Speaker 2: was bad.
34:45
Speaker 8: Wow.
34:46
Speaker 2: Well, you're entrepreneurial, it sounds like. True. Yeah. My family
34:49
Speaker 2: are all entrepreneurial. My dad owned his own business. Like,
34:52
Speaker 2: they all did their own thing. So I grew up
34:53
Speaker 2: with that was just kind of drilled into me. Like,
34:55
Speaker 2: you have to work for yourself. Wow. Yeah. Which is cool.
34:57
Speaker 2: That's kind of cool. Yeah. But they also, everyone works, like,
35:01
Speaker 2: working 60 hours a week was, like, the norm. My
35:03
Speaker 2: dad was always, like, 40 hours is part-time. He's like,
35:05
Speaker 2: if you do 40 hours a week, you're a part-timer.
35:07
Speaker 3: Yeah.
35:07
Speaker 2: I was like, hell, yeah. Somebody said Jesus only worked
35:09
Speaker 2: like 30 hours a week. Who said that? Huh? Who
35:13
Speaker 2: said that? It's like pretty, bring it up. I know
35:18
Speaker 2: a lot of people have said it. It's kind of bullshit.
35:19
Speaker 2: How many hours a week did Jesus work? Look it up.
35:23
Speaker 2: 30 kind of is the perfect. Dude, I could tell
35:25
Speaker 2: you a lot of shit, dude. I heard honestly Frederick
35:27
Speaker 2: Douglass like dudes, bro. What? Yeah. And nobody wants to
35:32
Speaker 2: say that shit. Frederick Douglass? Damn, really? Yeah. Are you
35:36
Speaker 2: breaking it? I don't want to out the dude, but...
35:41
Speaker 2: Free at last. It took me... I had to go through, like,
35:47
Speaker 2: my database of people. I thought at first you're talking
35:50
Speaker 2: about Michael Douglas. And then I went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:53
Speaker 2: Different guy, different guy. Damn, he was fucking... Totally different guy.
35:56
Speaker 2: Possibly fucking way different. He was possibly fucking dudes. That's crazy.
36:01
Speaker 2: I mean... It's not that crazy, though. No, it's not.
36:03
Speaker 1: Because think about it. If you're like, I'm going to
36:05
Speaker 1: do something different, I don't want to have slavery, right?
36:07
Speaker 1: I'm going to lead my people to a different direction.
36:11
Speaker 8: Yeah.
36:11
Speaker 2: And especially a lot of more men, I think. What
36:13
Speaker 2: percentage of slaves were males? That's a good point. I
36:15
Speaker 2: never thought about that. Also, he was an outside-the-box thinker.
36:19
Speaker 2: He was, you know. Right. So he was like, you
36:20
Speaker 2: know what else I might do? Literally. Okay. Whoa. It
36:23
Speaker 2: was 179. Damn, that's like China. Probably 100 females. It's
36:27
Speaker 2: like China. So that's definitely a good way to meet dudes, probably.
36:30
Speaker 3: Yeah.
36:31
Speaker 2: Sausage party. So, yeah, the Underground Railroad was a sausage party, dude.
36:37
Speaker 2: That's fucking bullshit. I don't think we can. That's fucking bullshit. No,
36:42
Speaker 2: that's fucking bullshit. Yeah, that is bullshit, dude, because, yeah,
36:46
Speaker 2: that's crazy. The fucking Underground Railroad was a sausage party. Oh,
36:51
Speaker 2: I bet dudes were hooking up, bro. Probably, yeah. Once
36:54
Speaker 2: they got, yeah. Especially going to, like, the East Coast,
36:57
Speaker 2: you get there. It was probably, like, liberal as hell
36:58
Speaker 2: back then. It's, like, liberal. It's probably not at all, but. Yeah,
37:02
Speaker 2: that's a. That's fucked up. I didn't know the ratio
37:04
Speaker 2: was so off. Me either. I assumed it was one
37:06
Speaker 2: to one. Me too. Yeah, you just kind of think that.
37:08
Speaker 2: Isn't that funny? Your brain just kind of thinks that,
37:11
Speaker 2: you know? Yeah, but like why? If you really think
37:13
Speaker 2: about that for like two more seconds, you're like, uh,
37:16
Speaker 2: what happened? Like there's a reason like China has suppressed
37:19
Speaker 2: female births. They're like, how did that work out? You know,
37:23
Speaker 2: there's no way they were being born at that rate
37:25
Speaker 2: of male to female. Right. They just chose to suppress it. Yeah,
37:29
Speaker 2: that's fucked up. Apparently in Rome, they used to just
37:31
Speaker 2: throw babies in the trash like nothing.
37:34
Speaker 8: Huh.
37:34
Speaker 2: Sparta, there was like a badge of honor. If your
37:36
Speaker 2: kid came out like a little bit defective, you were
37:38
Speaker 2: supposed to just like toss them in the trash and
37:40
Speaker 2: everyone would be like, nice. No way. Because they're like,
37:41
Speaker 2: that's how we'll keep it strong. Yeah. Well. Shout out
37:45
Speaker 2: to the Jews. The Jews were people back then who
37:47
Speaker 2: were like, that's wrong. And they didn't do it. They
37:49
Speaker 2: would tell people not to do it? Yeah. They're like,
37:51
Speaker 2: we don't throw kids out like that. Dude, this Jewish
37:53
Speaker 2: lady used to drop her kids off at the McDonald's
37:55
Speaker 2: in our town and fucking they would stay there all
37:57
Speaker 2: day long. Really?
37:58
Speaker 8: Yeah.
37:58
Speaker 2: Those kids were there every day. And I think one
38:01
Speaker 2: of them was mentally disabled or something. Oh, no.
38:03
Speaker 1: So people were always saying that, like, he dropped them
38:06
Speaker 1: off there and it wasn't cool, you know?
38:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not nice at all. But I think, yeah,
38:10
Speaker 2: even a couple of someone, I think more than one
38:12
Speaker 2: of them might have been mentally disabled. But also, most
38:15
Speaker 2: of our town was fucking mentally disabled, dude.
38:17
Speaker 1: Like, you don't realize when other people are, like, mentally
38:20
Speaker 1: disabled people stay in one area and fuck, you know?
38:23
Speaker 2: Yeah. So all that's going to happen over time of
38:27
Speaker 2: that area is just like a... um, quagmire of, uh,
38:35
Speaker 2: intellectual cul-de-sacking, you know? Yeah, dude. I, especially when you
38:38
Speaker 2: find out about like Asperger's I've come to the, well,
38:41
Speaker 2: I've actually, it was alert. It was like brought to
38:42
Speaker 2: my attention. I kind of believe my one cousin, I
38:44
Speaker 2: think my entire family has Asperger's like my entire, like
38:49
Speaker 2: a touch of it. Oh. And like, she explained this
38:52
Speaker 2: and I was like, damn dude, you're right. We all
38:54
Speaker 2: have Asperger's.
38:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.
38:56
Speaker 2: And I was like, you know, kind of, it's good
38:57
Speaker 2: to know. Not, you know, I'm not trying to jump
38:59
Speaker 2: on the bandwagon, but it's like, I'm talking about like
39:01
Speaker 2: just a tiny spider bite. Like a little, we definitely.
39:05
Speaker 2: Just enough. Just enough, dude. Just some fucking freckles on
39:08
Speaker 2: the cerebellum. Yeah. Because we go to family parties, it's
39:11
Speaker 2: just data dumps. It's just like you're sitting there like
39:13
Speaker 2: waiting to tell someone what you're into. And they're like, oh,
39:16
Speaker 2: this week I actually did like, I paved a patio.
39:18
Speaker 2: And they're like, oh, cool. Actually, my podcast. And we just,
39:20
Speaker 2: everyone just data dumps on each other. And everyone's like,
39:22
Speaker 2: all right, later. Goes home. Yeah. I feel that, dude.
39:25
Speaker 2: It's tight. It's kind of nice. Yeah, it's definitely times
39:28
Speaker 2: are changing. Things are blurring. I mean, we have illegal
39:33
Speaker 2: aliens are going to be the lifeguards at the swimming pool.
39:36
Speaker 2: That guy's crazy, dude. I almost fucking love the dude now, though.
39:40
Speaker 2: He's like, we have so many open lifeguard positions and, hmm,
39:45
Speaker 2: so many good swimmers that are illegal aliens. Dude, it's
39:49
Speaker 2: such a funny— Yeah, he didn't even have to go
39:51
Speaker 2: into that detail. He could have been like, yeah, we're
39:52
Speaker 2: going to open it up. Apparently, I read a book
39:54
Speaker 2: and they said we're going to have to start actually
39:56
Speaker 2: enticing immigrants. Once the baby boomers die, RIP, we're going
40:01
Speaker 2: to have a huge population dip. So our immigration policy
40:04
Speaker 2: in like 2040 will most likely be us begging immigrants
40:08
Speaker 2: to come or competing with other countries who have severe
40:11
Speaker 2: population dips. Like Europe, Canada, China is going to get crushed.
40:15
Speaker 2: We're going to be courting immigrants from like Africa and
40:17
Speaker 2: Latin America.
40:17
Speaker 8: Really?
40:18
Speaker 2: Please come here. Yeah, that's what the guy said. That
40:21
Speaker 2: blows my mind. Dude, the population dip is going to
40:22
Speaker 2: be crazy in like 40 years. They said there's going
40:24
Speaker 2: to be houses that are just going to drop because
40:26
Speaker 2: we have so many houses. Once baby boomers, there's so
40:29
Speaker 2: many more baby boomers than like the other generation. But
40:33
Speaker 2: what are you talking about? Because people have been saying
40:35
Speaker 2: that overpopulation is going to be an issue. That's the thing.
40:37
Speaker 2: It's not at all. It's not going to be whatsoever. Well,
40:40
Speaker 2: it's the first time I'm hearing of that. Yeah, it's
40:42
Speaker 2: kind of good news. I mean, it's kind of cool.
40:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also I'm just realizing that the last
40:46
Speaker 1: time I heard it was somebody just told me it.
40:48
Speaker 1: And then now you're just telling me this.
40:49
Speaker 2: So it's like. I'm telling you, overpopulation is a myth.
40:52
Speaker 2: We're not going to. Look it up. Is it over, which,
40:54
Speaker 2: what are we doing right now? Overpopulation or underpopulation? According
40:57
Speaker 2: to the U.S. Census Bureau, the civilian non-institutionalized population has
41:01
Speaker 2: grown in a way of 1.1% over the past 40 years. Yeah,
41:04
Speaker 2: that's baby boomers. Okay. And then they, once they die,
41:08
Speaker 2: the developing world is still having kids like that. But
41:11
Speaker 2: all of like Canada, Europe, Asia, like no one, any
41:15
Speaker 2: developed country has maybe one to two kids per household.
41:18
Speaker 2: And the baby boomers are having like five. So you
41:20
Speaker 2: just do that math and it's just like the population
41:22
Speaker 2: just spikes.
41:22
Speaker 1: The brothers are smashing though, dude. A lot of them
41:24
Speaker 1: are definitely having some fucking kids.
41:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. There's definitely, you know, but they're on average.
41:29
Speaker 2: But yeah, they're definitely, they're crushing it. And the Mexies
41:31
Speaker 2: are smashing, dude. Smashing up. And they should. Yeah. They should. Oh, definitely, dude.
41:37
Speaker 2: I don't know how they do it. Usually if I
41:38
Speaker 2: come home from a hard day's work, the last thing
41:39
Speaker 2: I want to do is fucking smash. Yeah, it's tough.
41:42
Speaker 2: I don't even want to jerk off sometimes. That's how
41:44
Speaker 2: sad I am. After a hard day at work. Yeah,
41:48
Speaker 2: it's like I won't even jerk myself off. It's like– Yeah.
41:52
Speaker 2: But I guess that's good probably. There's nothing sadder than
41:55
Speaker 2: somebody jerking off kind of. Yeah, it's really– it's weird,
41:57
Speaker 2: especially before work. Jerking off before work is just like–
42:00
Speaker 2: it's pretty tough. First of all, if you do that,
42:03
Speaker 2: your whoop bracelet should let the cops know. There's no reason.
42:11
Speaker 2: They track you like the COVID tracker. Everyone's phone dings
42:14
Speaker 2: like this guy just fapped. That would be terrible. There's
42:18
Speaker 2: no way we're far from that, though. Dude, once they
42:21
Speaker 2: get something in our body they can detect, like, because
42:23
Speaker 2: we don't do a lot. We're hungry. We jerk off.
42:25
Speaker 2: We have cancer, right? It's like we're not doing a
42:29
Speaker 2: lot of crazy shit, you know? They can figure. And
42:31
Speaker 2: with your phone data, I'm paranoid still because they say
42:35
Speaker 2: they're just looking. They're, like, tracking your facial expressions and
42:38
Speaker 2: what you're looking at at all times. Damn. It takes
42:40
Speaker 2: one rogue engineer to be like, bang, got him. And
42:43
Speaker 2: you're just, you on your camera, like, ooh, ooh, ooh.
42:47
Speaker 2: With what you're looking at just printed out, and they
42:49
Speaker 2: can be like, bam. Oh, they watch you watch porn,
42:51
Speaker 2: you mean? I mean, they could. Apparently, all of our
42:54
Speaker 2: data is being watched, but it's being watched in mass.
42:56
Speaker 2: But you would think, like, if I'm Zuck, I could
42:58
Speaker 2: definitely be like, okay, where is he at? And get, like,
43:00
Speaker 2: your IP address. If you give them your IP address,
43:03
Speaker 2: they can go on your computer from their computer. I'm
43:05
Speaker 2: going to change mine then. Yeah. I'm going to use
43:09
Speaker 2: a VPN, I guess, but. Yeah, but the VPNs, a
43:12
Speaker 2: lot of them are made by Facebook and those companies. Yeah,
43:15
Speaker 2: that makes sense. Of course they're going to make a VPN.
43:18
Speaker 2: Remember Signal and all those? Did you ever use those
43:20
Speaker 2: burner phone apps on your phone? Yeah, I still use them.
43:23
Speaker 2: So there was one in Europe that was the app
43:26
Speaker 2: to use if you're up to no good, and it
43:28
Speaker 2: was just set up by the government, and they caught
43:30
Speaker 2: people committing murders and ordering hit men and shit. It's like, yo,
43:34
Speaker 2: we got a safe line. I need you to kill
43:35
Speaker 2: a guy, and the government just collected all of it
43:37
Speaker 2: and just busted everybody. It makes no sense because people
43:40
Speaker 2: who sell drugs like hit me up on Signal and
43:42
Speaker 2: you're like, dude, they can get this. Like, no, it's encrypted.
43:46
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, I guess, man.
43:47
Speaker 1: The craziest thing that happened on Signal, I got on
43:49
Speaker 1: a Signal one time. Someone was like, you got to
43:50
Speaker 1: get on Signal. And I accidentally hit the thing where
43:52
Speaker 1: it's like, let all your contacts know you're on.
43:54
Speaker 5: Signal or whatever.
43:57
Speaker 2: So, dude, I got for like four days. People were like,
44:01
Speaker 2: what are you up to? Crazy shit, huh? It is
44:06
Speaker 2: funny to see who's turn. When you open Signal, you
44:08
Speaker 2: see who of your contacts are in Signal. You're like,
44:10
Speaker 2: all right, that's what's up. You just get to find
44:12
Speaker 2: out who's living kind of a seedy, a little, doing
44:14
Speaker 2: something seedy. Yeah, who's willing to, who's willing to risk
44:20
Speaker 2: it all. Yeah. You know? Yeah, there's like Signal, WeChat,
44:25
Speaker 2: but yeah, that's, And it's a funny thing. People just
44:27
Speaker 2: have total faith in like, hit me up on signal. Yeah.
44:30
Speaker 2: All right, man.
44:31
Speaker 1: But dude, imagine you're screaming for help in a pool
44:34
Speaker 1: and the guy who fucking is supposed to help you
44:36
Speaker 1: doesn't even speak English, dude. He thinks you're just doing
44:39
Speaker 1: a fucking TikTok dance or something.
44:42
Speaker 2: I mean, they'd probably be on it though. They would
44:44
Speaker 2: probably jump down. Yeah. I mean, dude, I, I'm all
44:48
Speaker 2: in favor of that because I've been burnt too many
44:49
Speaker 2: times by lack of lifeguards, but it's just, God damn it.
44:52
Speaker 2: That is such a, uh, it's such a strike politically.
44:55
Speaker 2: It's just such a strange cause. It's like, all right, bro,
44:57
Speaker 2: I feel you. We can get into lifeguarding. Yeah. But
45:01
Speaker 2: we haven't, where I live, there's no lifeguards. We have
45:03
Speaker 2: like neighborhood pools. No, really? No lifeguards. It's pretty tight. Yeah.
45:08
Speaker 1: Going to a pool by yourself. I, dude, I remember, yeah,
45:12
Speaker 1: being at a pool by myself once and I think
45:16
Speaker 1: I got nervous or whatever.
45:17
Speaker 2: So I went to masturbate. They had like a little
45:18
Speaker 2: pool house in there, you know? And, um, Some guy
45:23
Speaker 2: peeked in the bathroom when I was in there. What? Yeah.
45:27
Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, my God, dude, made
45:29
Speaker 2: me so nervous. And then I had to go back out.
45:33
Speaker 2: It was just me and him just swimming in the
45:35
Speaker 2: pool together for a while. Yeah. This dude had just
45:38
Speaker 2: blatantly seen me masturbating in. Oh, man. In Atlanta. I
45:42
Speaker 2: will say jerking off fresh out the pool kind of
45:45
Speaker 2: hits different. If you get out of a pool and
45:47
Speaker 2: you jerk off, it's slightly different. Something that has to
45:49
Speaker 2: do with like getting a lot of sunlight and then
45:51
Speaker 2: jerking off. I swear by this. Like leaving the beach
45:54
Speaker 2: at like lunchtime. To jerk off? That's insane. That is.
45:59
Speaker 2: I've done it. I'll be honest. It's crazy, dude. Skin's
46:02
Speaker 2: all warm. It's nice.
46:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess there is different cool times to do it, huh?
46:09
Speaker 2: To a full moon.
46:10
Speaker 1: People used to do it a lot when I was
46:11
Speaker 1: growing up full moon would be nice that would be
46:14
Speaker 1: definitely the day after that people would be just warped
46:16
Speaker 1: fucking just like gave it all they had so how
46:23
Speaker 1: did you meet Shane because you and Shane started Matt
46:24
Speaker 1: and Shane's Secret Podcast which is last year was the
46:28
Speaker 1: highest grossing podcast on Patreon yeah it's crazy it's insane
46:31
Speaker 1: it's unbelievable when you start them you check the data
46:33
Speaker 1: and you're like oh my god oh my god then
46:34
Speaker 1: at one point you stop checking and you see you're
46:36
Speaker 1: number one and you're like what the fuck it's just
46:38
Speaker 1: surreal But we met, so we were both doing stand-up.
46:41
Speaker 1: It was 2014 I had won Philly's Funniest. He comes 2015,
46:45
Speaker 1: so I'm like thinking I'm hot shit.
46:47
Speaker 2: A white guy, the Caitlin Clark of Philly, huh? Yeah.
46:50
Speaker 2: I love it. Well, he came in, and I think
46:51
Speaker 2: he won it 2015. So we met in 2014. I
46:55
Speaker 2: just won it. I'm like really feeling myself. So I'm
46:57
Speaker 2: at a show. It's funny because I'm like, dude, this
46:59
Speaker 2: is crazy. So then I go to a show. It
47:01
Speaker 2: was above an ice cream parlor. No way. Yeah, I'm
47:03
Speaker 2: lording out above the ice cream parlor. Leveling up literally. Yeah, yeah.
47:08
Speaker 2: It was funny, too, because I think the owner was crazy.
47:10
Speaker 2: It was a whole debacle. He had just moved from Harrisburg,
47:17
Speaker 2: and no one knew who he was. So he came
47:19
Speaker 2: from Harrisburg, and I'm watching him, and he was headlining.
47:22
Speaker 2: When would he come on a horseback or something? I mean,
47:24
Speaker 2: the story of Shane Gillis has to be. Well, it
47:26
Speaker 2: was crazy because, again, never seen him ever in my life.
47:29
Speaker 2: Watching him do stand-up in 2014, and I'm going, holy fuck,
47:33
Speaker 2: this dude is so funny. Back then, I remember specifically,
47:35
Speaker 2: he did a joke. I don't remember what it was exactly.
47:38
Speaker 2: It was a very sensitive topic. Lost the crowd. And
47:41
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I guess he's done. Dude, two
47:43
Speaker 2: minutes later, crowd's cracking up. You brought him back. And
47:45
Speaker 2: I was like, whoa. And then we started talking after that.
47:48
Speaker 2: Like that famous bird set in Philly. Dude, it was crazy.
47:53
Speaker 2: And then we started talking after the show. I was like, dude,
47:57
Speaker 2: that was awesome. And then he showed me a video
47:59
Speaker 2: of a guy getting eaten by a bear. And then
48:01
Speaker 2: I showed him a video of a guy jumping off
48:02
Speaker 2: a roof. And we just totally clicked up. So that
48:05
Speaker 2: was for real. That's how we met. And then we
48:08
Speaker 2: got a house together with a couple other comedians pretty
48:11
Speaker 2: shortly afterwards. See, and girls say guys are hard to
48:14
Speaker 2: figure out. I feel like it's like, meet me above
48:17
Speaker 2: an ice cream parlor. That's what I'm saying. Show me
48:19
Speaker 2: a video of something eating something else. I'll show you
48:23
Speaker 2: a video of an animal attacking something. Dude, and we're good.
48:26
Speaker 2: And let's start a family. Yeah, and I was like
48:28
Speaker 2: freshly divorced, air mattress. I think actually we met before
48:31
Speaker 2: I'd gotten totally divorced. Did you lose a lot of
48:33
Speaker 2: stuff in the divorce? I had nothing. Fuck yeah. Yeah,
48:36
Speaker 2: I always hear people like, oh, she took so much
48:38
Speaker 2: from me. And I'm like, bro, it was embarrassing. I
48:41
Speaker 2: wish I lost stuff in the divorce, dude. I had nothing.
48:43
Speaker 2: You're still sending her stuff every now and then. I should, man.
48:47
Speaker 2: For real, it's fucked up. But I just didn't have anything.
48:51
Speaker 2: Do you remember the day you left in the divorce? Dude,
48:53
Speaker 2: it's the saddest day. It's for real the saddest. She
48:55
Speaker 2: was a nice lady. She sounds beautiful. She was a
48:58
Speaker 2: very nice lady. I just couldn't do it, dude. It
49:01
Speaker 2: was one of those things where I was living a life...
49:03
Speaker 2: that it wasn't my life. It's the only way I
49:05
Speaker 2: can explain it. Like I wasn't, I was meant to
49:07
Speaker 2: do other stuff. I could feel it. And it was
49:09
Speaker 2: just like, I tried my best to get jobs. And
49:12
Speaker 2: I'm like, dude, I can go the straight and narrow.
49:14
Speaker 2: Let's get a regular job. That's all I want to do.
49:16
Speaker 2: My dad was like that. Like have work at a place,
49:18
Speaker 2: come home, have kids. I was all for that. I
49:21
Speaker 2: just couldn't, I was like warped. I couldn't do it.
49:23
Speaker 2: I tried. So you really tried. You made as much
49:25
Speaker 2: of an effort as you could. As I could. But
49:27
Speaker 2: I learned I was severely handicapped in terms of like relating.
49:31
Speaker 2: Like I didn't, you don't realize how bad it is
49:33
Speaker 2: until you live with a woman for, you know, a
49:35
Speaker 2: couple of years. Handicapped at what? I'm sorry. I stepped
49:37
Speaker 2: on you. Like emotional relation and trying to like, like
49:40
Speaker 2: see things from other people's perspectives. Like I, I was
49:42
Speaker 2: totally unequipped, but that the day I left frill was
49:45
Speaker 2: one of the saddest. It was like the saddest things ever.
49:47
Speaker 2: It was like, I was crying. Where were you? I
49:49
Speaker 2: was in Roxborough. So in Philadelphia, like just some area, Philly,
49:52
Speaker 2: it was cool. I liked the house. We had a dog.
49:53
Speaker 2: I like, yeah, we had a dog together. And who
49:55
Speaker 2: did the dog come in your car or stayed? It stayed.
49:58
Speaker 2: It was her dog. It was her dog first to
50:00
Speaker 2: be fair. But, uh, yeah, she was, she was really nice, man.
50:02
Speaker 2: It was just, I talk about taking the dog. No, man,
50:05
Speaker 2: I wasn't going to do that. That would have been
50:06
Speaker 2: heartless to be like. When you said bye, like was
50:08
Speaker 2: there a hug? What was that kind of like final
50:10
Speaker 2: kind of moment like? Just sad. It was just like goodbye,
50:14
Speaker 2: you know. Did she come out and walk you out
50:15
Speaker 2: or you said bye inside? She was kicking around. So
50:18
Speaker 2: it was kind of like there was a last glance
50:19
Speaker 2: and it was real. It was like it's etched into
50:21
Speaker 2: my memory as one of like the saddest days of
50:23
Speaker 2: my life. Because I had never really felt anything about
50:25
Speaker 2: stuff like that. Like my relationships before that were like
50:28
Speaker 2: I would just develop a girlfriend. Like we would just
50:30
Speaker 2: be like. hooking up and then I'd be like oh
50:33
Speaker 2: fuck I got a girlfriend and you know it was
50:34
Speaker 2: like very very disassociated I just go through the motions
50:37
Speaker 2: this I was like trying to put my best foot
50:39
Speaker 2: forward that was like the first time I really like
50:41
Speaker 2: I was like oh I get what people are talking
50:42
Speaker 2: about like with experiencing like serious heartbreak and all that
50:45
Speaker 2: stuff just burnt you down Yeah, it crushed me. For real,
50:48
Speaker 2: it fucking crushed me. Were you crying before you got
50:50
Speaker 2: in the car? I was crying on the way when
50:54
Speaker 2: I left. I wasn't crying before I got in the car,
50:56
Speaker 2: and then I was crying on the way. It's hard
50:57
Speaker 2: to get the key in the thing sometimes if you're
50:59
Speaker 2: really fucking crying. Yeah, dude, I was crying. And you
51:00
Speaker 2: get the first, get in reverse and all that shit.
51:02
Speaker 2: It was brutal. I'd wait until I'm in Ford before
51:03
Speaker 2: I cried. Yeah, and then I had to walk the
51:05
Speaker 2: dog every day because I was like, look, I'll come
51:06
Speaker 2: up and walk the dog while you're at work. I
51:08
Speaker 2: didn't want her to stress about anything. So I would
51:10
Speaker 2: go back in the house during work. No one would
51:12
Speaker 2: be there, and I'd walk the dog, and it was just...
51:15
Speaker 2: Just consumed with guilt and just horrible feelings. Just wandering
51:18
Speaker 2: through your old life like a fucking ghost. Yeah, for real.
51:21
Speaker 2: And I love the dog, too. And the dog, did
51:23
Speaker 2: the dog know, you think? I don't know. It was
51:26
Speaker 2: definitely pumped to see me. It was always kind of
51:28
Speaker 2: pumped to see me, but I don't know. I couldn't tell.
51:29
Speaker 2: Sounds like it was maybe an SAE or something. what's
51:33
Speaker 2: SA Sigma Alpha Epsilon it just sounds like the dog
51:35
Speaker 2: was in a frat or something like it didn't have
51:37
Speaker 2: any fucking just pumped to see you guys it was
51:40
Speaker 2: pumped I would take it for a nice walk oh
51:42
Speaker 2: yeah it's definitely a pike or something it was definitely
51:45
Speaker 2: a pike but yeah it was for real it was
51:47
Speaker 2: a big eye opener for me though man that's when
51:48
Speaker 2: I started being like okay like there's cause when you're
51:51
Speaker 2: younger you're just so in your own head where you're
51:53
Speaker 2: like I'm the only person with feelings that matter in
51:55
Speaker 2: this world then you like really encounter like the depths
51:57
Speaker 2: of somebody else's and you're like oh this is like
51:59
Speaker 2: serious to like just fuck around with people's lives So
52:02
Speaker 2: it was a big eye-opener for me. I did the
52:04
Speaker 2: air mattress on my brother's house for a while. That's heavy, dude.
52:07
Speaker 1: It reminds me, I was in love with a girl
52:10
Speaker 1: in high school, right, when I was a senior. And
52:13
Speaker 1: I was in Newark, and I remember I decided I
52:15
Speaker 1: was going to go away to school at the University
52:17
Speaker 1: of Arizona. And some people, where I'm from, had never
52:20
Speaker 1: even heard of Arizona, right? They didn't believe in it. People, like,
52:23
Speaker 1: I showed it on a map, and they just called
52:26
Speaker 1: me a map faggot. It was crazy, some of the
52:30
Speaker 1: stuff that was happening.
52:32
Speaker 2: And I remember just, like, she and I were, like, crying, like,
52:36
Speaker 2: in her living room or whatever. Yeah. Oh, her mom
52:40
Speaker 2: let me. This was crazy. Her mom let me stay
52:42
Speaker 2: over the last night I was there, right? Mm-hmm.
52:45
Speaker 1: But her mom's like, no funny business. You guys can
52:48
Speaker 1: sleep in the same room, like, in the family room, right?
52:51
Speaker 2: What's that about?
52:53
Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, but here's the crazy part. So, anyway,
52:56
Speaker 1: somebody started some funny business.
52:59
Speaker 2: And then... I'm walking to go get some water or
53:03
Speaker 2: something or get some piss out of my wiener or something.
53:05
Speaker 2: And her mom's sitting right there in a chair. What?
53:10
Speaker 7: Yeah.
53:12
Speaker 2: Fuck, man. I still feel horrible about that. And you
53:15
Speaker 2: could see that my wiener was still like wienering. Yeah,
53:18
Speaker 2: you were pumped up. Yeah. Oh, God. My wiener was like,
53:21
Speaker 2: it's a party, it's a party, it's a party. And
53:24
Speaker 2: I was young, you know? Did you say anything? No,
53:27
Speaker 2: but I still feel how she felt.
53:29
Speaker 4: Yeah.
53:29
Speaker 2: I can still feel it. But she loved me. She loved,
53:32
Speaker 2: the mom loved me. And so she... had, like, some
53:34
Speaker 2: respect for me. She knew that I really loved her daughter.
53:36
Speaker 2: That's warped, though, that she knew what you guys were,
53:39
Speaker 2: you know, she has to have some sense.
53:40
Speaker 1: But at least she was close enough there in the distance,
53:42
Speaker 1: almost like a bird mom, you know? Like, hey, I'm
53:45
Speaker 1: going to hang, I'm going to, you can stay in
53:47
Speaker 1: the nest, but I'm going to be right here on
53:48
Speaker 1: the branch.
53:49
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. Just in case anybody falls out and
53:51
Speaker 2: breaks a wing or something. True, yeah. She's going to
53:53
Speaker 2: rush in and be like, yo, slow down. Yeah, just
53:55
Speaker 2: in case somebody fucking, yeah. I had to put a
53:57
Speaker 2: worm in the wrong place, you know. But what happened
54:00
Speaker 2: was then the next day I told her to buy it.
54:03
Speaker 2: Like this gas station was this big sad thing. And
54:05
Speaker 2: we're both like bawling, crying, dude. Yeah, fuck. And then
54:08
Speaker 2: I drove off and my fucking car overheated like 600
54:11
Speaker 2: feet from the gas station, dude. And I had to
54:13
Speaker 2: fucking call her dad to come help me, dude. That
54:17
Speaker 2: fucking sucks. Because when your car overheats, you think if
54:20
Speaker 2: I drive faster, it starts to cool down your engine. Yeah. But, yeah,
54:23
Speaker 2: that shit sucks. That's embarrassing.
54:25
Speaker 8: Ugh.
54:26
Speaker 2: It was horrible, dude. I remember pouring cold water through
54:29
Speaker 2: the fucking air vents trying to get it in that way.
54:32
Speaker 2: I've tried to do that a bunch of times. It sucks, man.
54:34
Speaker 2: It just drips out. Just, yeah, that shit of just
54:36
Speaker 2: that heartbreak, dude. Yeah, I had a real low point
54:39
Speaker 2: the one day when I was... Shane was laughing about
54:42
Speaker 2: this when I was telling him, but I, like... I
54:44
Speaker 2: had a real low point driving home one day from
54:46
Speaker 2: walking the dog. I'm crying. I always cry every day.
54:48
Speaker 2: I'm crying on the way home, driving down Kelly Drive.
54:50
Speaker 2: And that's, like, in Philly, that's a big, like, outdoor
54:52
Speaker 2: green area. People jog up and down there. And some
54:53
Speaker 2: dude had really short shorts on. And I, like, stopped
54:56
Speaker 2: at a light, and he, like, looked in the car,
54:57
Speaker 2: and I looked at him and was like, f *
54:58
Speaker 2: * *. Yeah, I was crying. Oh, that's the Philadelphia
55:03
Speaker 2: National Anthem, dude. Call some other dude a f *
55:06
Speaker 2: * *. Well, he was, like, looking in the car,
55:09
Speaker 2: and I was like, f * * *. What are
55:11
Speaker 2: you looking at? I tried to slam his shorts, and
55:14
Speaker 2: I was just visibly bawling, and I was like, it's
55:16
Speaker 2: a low point. I remember just being like, what the
55:17
Speaker 2: fuck was that all about, dude? Dude, a straight dude crying,
55:19
Speaker 2: that's a hot dude to a gay dude, bro. True, true.
55:22
Speaker 2: He was probably just a dude wearing regular athletic gear.
55:24
Speaker 2: He might not have even been gay. Yeah, that's true.
55:26
Speaker 2: I like to think I didn't hate crime a guy
55:27
Speaker 2: while I was crying, but I think he was straight.
55:29
Speaker 2: The guy was straight as hell. The guy was so straight.
55:30
Speaker 2: He said short shorts. Dude, I remember one time. I
55:33
Speaker 2: was fucking crying. Yeah. Oh, obviously, he's in the wrong. Yeah.
55:39
Speaker 1: Dude, I remember one time I was driving and I'd
55:41
Speaker 1: been drinking, right? Because it was, I think it was
55:43
Speaker 1: daytime or whatever. And I'm cruising and the cop had
55:47
Speaker 1: pulled somebody else over on the side of the road.
55:49
Speaker 1: And he sees me literally just drinking out of a
55:52
Speaker 1: taco vodka bottle.
55:54
Speaker 2: No shirt, dude, right? Just ripping it in a 1984
55:58
Speaker 2: Ford Escort that had the passenger seat stolen out of it, right?
56:03
Speaker 2: So anyway, I'm cruising, dude. He points at me. He's like,
56:06
Speaker 2: pull over, dude. Yeah, right. He's like, he's dealing with
56:10
Speaker 2: that ticket, so I pull over. Oh, no. Right? And
56:12
Speaker 2: then I'm like, fuck this, dude. I'm out of here.
56:16
Speaker 2: And then I just pulled off, dude. You got away? Yeah,
56:18
Speaker 2: he never called me. That's funny. He was like, yes,
56:20
Speaker 2: come here. I'm going to give you a DUI when
56:22
Speaker 2: I'm done with this. Dude, a lot of guys get
56:23
Speaker 2: away from cops. I've heard of a couple people, but no,
56:25
Speaker 2: I just take off. And it's like, I'm surprised. I
56:28
Speaker 2: thought everyone gets caught who does that. But yeah, people
56:30
Speaker 2: get away. Yeah, a lot of cops want you to
56:32
Speaker 2: just get home safely, I think, in the end. Yeah.
56:35
Speaker 2: And sometimes they gauge on how to do it. It's
56:38
Speaker 2: so funny just to be like, fuck this, I'm out
56:40
Speaker 2: of here.
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Speaker 1: from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. So you
59:26
Speaker 1: and Shane start the podcast. You met in Philly. And Shane,
59:29
Speaker 1: you and Shane start the podcast in Philly?
59:31
Speaker 2: In Philly, yeah. In Philly. And then he, at one point,
59:34
Speaker 2: he went to New York. Because I got to this
59:36
Speaker 2: space where I was like, I like podcasting better than stand-up.
59:40
Speaker 2: Because I was just frustrated. We're in the same city
59:41
Speaker 2: all the time. I'm in Philadelphia doing the same shows
59:44
Speaker 2: all the time. And I'd either host or feature. I
59:47
Speaker 2: think back then I might have been featuring. I forget.
59:49
Speaker 2: But it was like the same thing. I'd meet a headliner.
59:50
Speaker 2: They'd be miserable. And I'm like, is this, is this
59:53
Speaker 2: my fate? Like, it's just like, you just, cause a
59:54
Speaker 2: lot of the headliners I met hosting were for real miserable.
59:57
Speaker 8: Yeah.
59:57
Speaker 2: Like very sad, very disgruntled. And I'd be like, whatever.
1:00:01
Speaker 2: So I got disillusioned with standup and I was like,
1:00:02
Speaker 2: I just want to do podcasting. And then at one
1:00:04
Speaker 2: point I was like, I want to pursue psychology. So
1:00:06
Speaker 2: when he went to New York. I went back and
1:00:09
Speaker 2: got my master's in social work because I did it again.
1:00:12
Speaker 2: I was like, dude. I think you dropped back in
1:00:13
Speaker 2: and really got it. Yeah. And it's just the way
1:00:16
Speaker 2: my mind works. I was like, I want to get
1:00:17
Speaker 2: back into psychology. What's the easiest way to do it?
1:00:19
Speaker 2: To do like talk therapy. And I looked it up
1:00:21
Speaker 2: in social work. If you get your master's and then
1:00:23
Speaker 2: work under somebody, you can get licensed and open your
1:00:25
Speaker 2: own practice. Wow. So I went to school for social
1:00:28
Speaker 2: work while Shane was kind of blowing up in New York.
1:00:30
Speaker 2: And we're still doing the podcast. We're still doing it.
1:00:32
Speaker 2: You're doing it what? By train or something every now
1:00:33
Speaker 2: and then? He would come to Philly back then. Yeah,
1:00:35
Speaker 2: it was crazy. It's hard. It's insane. And then eventually
1:00:38
Speaker 2: I started driving to New York. But for a while,
1:00:40
Speaker 2: he was coming to Philly every week. And I was
1:00:42
Speaker 2: just kind of like, okay, cool. I didn't make that
1:00:44
Speaker 2: drive like that. So when I started driving to New York,
1:00:46
Speaker 2: I was like, dude, you were doing this for two years?
1:00:48
Speaker 2: This is insane. He did it for a long time?
1:00:49
Speaker 2: Did it for like a year or two. No way. Yeah, man.
1:00:52
Speaker 2: He's the man.
1:00:52
Speaker 1: That is a hard thing. People don't understand that type
1:00:55
Speaker 1: of a commute. That's insane commute. I mean, how far
1:00:58
Speaker 1: is that commute?
1:01:00
Speaker 2: Two hours on a good day. And if it gets traffic,
1:01:03
Speaker 2: you're kind of like two hours, 30, three. Yeah, it sucks.
1:01:07
Speaker 2: It's a hellish, and it's through the worst parts of
1:01:10
Speaker 2: New Jersey, like heavy industrial. It stinks. Oh, yeah, dude.
1:01:14
Speaker 2: It's awful. It's for real an awful, awful drive. Fuck yeah. Yeah,
1:01:20
Speaker 2: it's two hours and 12. That's like normal. That traffic
1:01:23
Speaker 2: up there near like the bridges and shit. And then
1:01:26
Speaker 2: in New York, I'm sure you know, you just sit
1:01:27
Speaker 2: in fucking traffic. Yeah, you're just sitting there fucking furious
1:01:32
Speaker 2: looking at somebody else. And that guy's crying. And he
1:01:36
Speaker 2: calls you a f * * *. The audacity, dude.
1:01:39
Speaker 2: It's crazy. To call you a f * * *.
1:01:42
Speaker 2: It's unbelievable. He must have just laughed like, all right, man,
1:01:45
Speaker 2: whatever that guy's got going on. Well, everybody nowadays just
1:01:47
Speaker 2: calls everybody a f * * *. It's like, I
1:01:48
Speaker 2: feel like if you try to do CPR, somebody's dying, right?
1:01:51
Speaker 2: And they'll be like, f * * *. Get off me.
1:01:55
Speaker 2: They'd rather die. They'll use their last breath these days,
1:01:59
Speaker 2: especially in New Jersey, dude. Somebody will use their last
1:02:02
Speaker 2: breath to call somebody a f * * *.
1:02:03
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
1:02:04
Speaker 2: It was, I mean, it was, that was heavy, dude.
1:02:05
Speaker 2: F * * * was polite back then. That was
1:02:07
Speaker 2: like you have, you know, that was like the handkerchief
1:02:08
Speaker 2: around your neck being like, f * * *. You know,
1:02:10
Speaker 2: that's like, that's like kind of. Look at this beautiful
1:02:12
Speaker 2: f * * *, man. But no, man, he, I did,
1:02:16
Speaker 2: I went to school for social work and then it
1:02:18
Speaker 2: was funny because I'm doing it and I was kind of, again,
1:02:20
Speaker 2: like confronting the fact that like, oh, I can't really
1:02:22
Speaker 2: be a normal polite society because you go into like,
1:02:24
Speaker 2: you drop into like a regular school like job type place.
1:02:28
Speaker 2: And you feel like an alien, especially the longer you
1:02:30
Speaker 2: do stand up and other things. It's like, you just
1:02:32
Speaker 2: feel out of place. So I did it and I
1:02:33
Speaker 2: liked it. It was cool. It was a cool experience,
1:02:35
Speaker 2: but it was like very, uh, you know, like Jordan
1:02:38
Speaker 2: Peterson came out and was like, the schools are out
1:02:40
Speaker 2: of control. They're losing her. But dude, I also would
1:02:42
Speaker 2: watch a lot of Jordan Peterson at the time. And
1:02:44
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm kind of curious to see if
1:02:45
Speaker 2: that's real. So I, and then when I went back
1:02:47
Speaker 2: to school, I was like, dude, he was totally right.
1:02:48
Speaker 2: It was insane. Just how, like, woke they'd gotten? Oh, dude,
1:02:52
Speaker 2: it was crazy. Like, you'd be in class and a lady,
1:02:54
Speaker 2: for no reason, would just be like, well, we'd be
1:02:56
Speaker 2: talking about, like, social issues. And she'd be like, I
1:02:58
Speaker 2: would never call the cops on a black guy ever.
1:03:00
Speaker 2: And I'd be sitting there and I'm like, I couldn't
1:03:02
Speaker 2: help it. I'd be like, ever? What if he was
1:03:04
Speaker 2: beating up a woman? Like, why ever? It's crazy. So
1:03:06
Speaker 2: I would get in a lot of those kind of
1:03:07
Speaker 2: arguments in school. And then. And I'll even text the
1:03:10
Speaker 2: cops if I'm even meeting a black guy sometimes.
1:03:13
Speaker 3: What?
1:03:13
Speaker 2: I'll text the cops. True. Just so you know. Yeah. FYI,
1:03:18
Speaker 2: meeting a couple of brothers. Yeah, just chill. I'll keep
1:03:20
Speaker 2: you updated. Dude, it was crazy. I went there and
1:03:25
Speaker 2: it was just, you know, it was that kind of stuff.
1:03:26
Speaker 2: And I'm like, all right, keep your head down and chill.
1:03:28
Speaker 2: But I couldn't help it. I kept, like, arguing with
1:03:29
Speaker 2: people in class. It was kind of fun, honestly. And then, dude,
1:03:33
Speaker 2: they're like 24-year-olds being like, this is what I think.
1:03:36
Speaker 2: And you'd be like, that's what you fucking think. And
1:03:37
Speaker 2: you could just smash them. Yeah, that's what you fucking think.
1:03:40
Speaker 2: You don't know shit. Yeah, dude, you don't know shit
1:03:43
Speaker 2: about the world. You ever fucking broken your heart in
1:03:46
Speaker 2: somebody else's? But no, then I did that. And then
1:03:50
Speaker 2: Shane got the SNL thing right at the tail end
1:03:52
Speaker 2: of my schooling. And were you bummed about that or excited?
1:03:54
Speaker 2: I was pumped. I've always been stoked like that. But
1:03:58
Speaker 2: when he got the SNL, I was like, hell yeah.
1:04:01
Speaker 2: And he goes, buckle up. They're going through the podcast.
1:04:03
Speaker 2: And I was like, I didn't know what he was
1:04:05
Speaker 2: talking about. I'm like, yeah, whatever. It's not that bad.
1:04:07
Speaker 2: And then... They that whole thing blew up. So I
1:04:10
Speaker 2: was like in school, like because I would get mentioned
1:04:14
Speaker 2: in bylines of like podcasts with and nobody put it
1:04:16
Speaker 2: together until very towards the very end. A girl in
1:04:18
Speaker 2: my class had read the article and was like, that's you.
1:04:22
Speaker 2: And they try to kick me out of school. That
1:04:23
Speaker 2: guy hates Chinese people or whatever. And all the proof was,
1:04:26
Speaker 2: you know, I had been arguing against their, you know.
1:04:29
Speaker 2: In my idea, you know, it was kind of like
1:04:31
Speaker 2: unrealistic liberal value. So I'd been like, you guys don't
1:04:33
Speaker 2: know shit about anything. Fuck that. Fuck that. And I'd
1:04:35
Speaker 2: been arguing the flip side of their coin the entire time.
1:04:38
Speaker 2: So when they saw that, they're like, bingo. And they
1:04:40
Speaker 2: tried to kick me out. Smoking gun, dude. Yeah, they
1:04:43
Speaker 2: got me. But it was like, and then I had
1:04:46
Speaker 2: to stay. It was honestly one of my favorite experiences ever.
1:04:48
Speaker 2: I had to go before the board of the school.
1:04:49
Speaker 2: And I got to do one of those like trial by. Oh,
1:04:52
Speaker 2: that's cool, man. Just other adults. I've been looking forward
1:04:54
Speaker 2: to that. It's like you were a suit. No, I
1:04:56
Speaker 2: just wore my regular clothes, but it's like that court
1:04:59
Speaker 2: fantasy where you get to like do your, represent yourself
1:05:01
Speaker 2: in court. Open your briefcase, nothing in there. So I
1:05:04
Speaker 2: had to have that experience. Two waters in there. Two Fijis.
1:05:08
Speaker 2: So I got to do that. And then, no, and
1:05:10
Speaker 2: then it was just like, I finished, you know, COVID happened.
1:05:13
Speaker 2: So like everything kind of just chilled. We finished the
1:05:15
Speaker 2: last month or so online anyway. So it was like.
1:05:18
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:05:18
Speaker 2: That was cool. Did you believe in COVID or not
1:05:20
Speaker 2: at the time? No, I didn't. I didn't do, I didn't.
1:05:22
Speaker 2: My whole family didn't either. Like my mom was like. Like,
1:05:26
Speaker 2: let's hang outside that one time. And then after that,
1:05:28
Speaker 2: she was like, come inside. This is bold. None of
1:05:29
Speaker 2: my family got vaccinated. Like, none of my mom, my uncles,
1:05:32
Speaker 2: nobody got it. Except for, like, anyone who worked in
1:05:35
Speaker 2: the medical field.
1:05:36
Speaker 1: Dude, I had a buddy broke in with CVS and got, like,
1:05:38
Speaker 1: 30 inoculations.
1:05:39
Speaker 2: Dude, he was addicted to.
1:05:42
Speaker 2: Inoculations or whatever, dude. This motherfucker hasn't had a sniffle
1:05:47
Speaker 2: in like six years, dude. He's good. He's set. Oh,
1:05:50
Speaker 2: this guy.
1:05:50
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:05:50
Speaker 2: I was just sketched out by the whole thing. I
1:05:52
Speaker 2: was like, dude, it's new. I'm like, I'm already, I'm
1:05:54
Speaker 2: like a hypochondriac as it is. And I'm like, I'm
1:05:57
Speaker 2: way less scared of viruses and like medical intervention. I
1:05:59
Speaker 2: don't know. I didn't think it was real. Yeah.
1:06:02
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, oh, people are really dying. So
1:06:04
Speaker 1: there must be something real. but then also it seemed
1:06:06
Speaker 1: like that they messed up and killed a lot of
1:06:08
Speaker 1: people with respirators that would not have died.
1:06:10
Speaker 2: Yeah i remember hearing about that yeah i got did
1:06:12
Speaker 2: you get it i don't know if i got it
1:06:14
Speaker 2: or not i remember i couldn't smell for about 11
1:06:17
Speaker 2: months but i don't know but oh yeah and i
1:06:19
Speaker 2: had the antibodies when i went to rogan's one time
1:06:21
Speaker 2: i got tested i had the antibodies so i must
1:06:23
Speaker 2: have had it that's tight yeah you probably got it
1:06:26
Speaker 2: at some point but yeah i i got it i
1:06:27
Speaker 2: got rocked but it was only for like Two days.
1:06:30
Speaker 2: It was a bad fever. And then I coughed up
1:06:32
Speaker 2: like weird liquids for like a month. Then I was fine.
1:06:36
Speaker 2: So my wife was pregnant at the time. So I'm like,
1:06:38
Speaker 2: your wife was pregnant. She was pregnant. So then it
1:06:40
Speaker 2: was kind of a medical experiment. Like, should I get it?
1:06:42
Speaker 2: And like, I'm like, I don't know what the shit is.
1:06:43
Speaker 2: So we were all just like, dude, let's just chill.
1:06:45
Speaker 2: Take a chill. Let's get the fucking antibodies. And you have, um,
1:06:50
Speaker 2: I've mentioned what you have a darker wife. Yeah. Pretty much.
1:06:52
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:06:53
Speaker 2: Safe to say that. Safe to say. Yeah. Um, beautiful lady,
1:06:57
Speaker 2: very charming. Um, Bridget, is that her name? Uh, Brittany. Brittany. Yeah. Brittany,
1:07:05
Speaker 2: is that her name? Yeah. Um, yeah, was that, did
1:07:11
Speaker 2: that end in, like, just growing up in Philly lead
1:07:14
Speaker 2: you to that, you think? Dude, I don't know. It's
1:07:16
Speaker 2: like kind of a chocolatey bride, kind of? I've, since
1:07:18
Speaker 2: I was a little kid, it's almost, there's, my only
1:07:20
Speaker 2: theory is, because in grade school, I, like, dated a
1:07:23
Speaker 2: Mexican lady. I, and I've dated everybody. I've dated, you know, like,
1:07:26
Speaker 2: white ladies, everything. But that was definitely... You know, that
1:07:30
Speaker 2: was something I was drawn to were black women forever.
1:07:32
Speaker 2: But my only theory is my mom was like super Christian.
1:07:34
Speaker 2: She still is super Catholic. So she blocked like MTV, VH1,
1:07:39
Speaker 2: all the music channels. Except for PET because she didn't
1:07:41
Speaker 2: know it existed. So that was the only music channel
1:07:44
Speaker 2: I had grown up. So in my formative years, I
1:07:46
Speaker 2: just watched rap video after rap video. And I think
1:07:49
Speaker 2: it might have had some sort of effect. Yeah. Bitch
1:07:52
Speaker 2: better have my money.
1:07:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:07:55
Speaker 2: Wow, that's so interesting, dude. Yeah, dude. I remember I
1:08:00
Speaker 2: made love to a woman who was pretty much black. Right.
1:08:04
Speaker 2: And yeah, it was definitely, there was like more in
1:08:11
Speaker 2: the muscle or something. I don't know. Yeah, you felt
1:08:14
Speaker 2: you were impressed by the experience. What do you say?
1:08:16
Speaker 2: Pretty much. She said she was black. I believed her.
1:08:19
Speaker 4: True.
1:08:20
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:08:22
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not, yeah, I'm not fucking looking at
1:08:23
Speaker 2: paperwork or whatever. I'm not fucking proving it out. Yeah, no.
1:08:27
Speaker 2: My whoop bracelet was like, blech, you know, it pops
1:08:30
Speaker 2: up on there. Yeah, I just, you know what, for me,
1:08:33
Speaker 2: they definitely won out for me as well. They won
1:08:34
Speaker 2: my heart. Collectively, they won my heart.
1:08:36
Speaker 3: Really?
1:08:37
Speaker 2: Yeah. I just, I don't know what it was, man.
1:08:39
Speaker 2: It was just like. Yeah. You like what you like,
1:08:41
Speaker 2: you know? Oh yeah.
1:08:42
Speaker 1: I think I was afraid probably of black girls growing up.
1:08:44
Speaker 1: They had a lot of the black girls in our
1:08:46
Speaker 1: town and stuff would get knocked up by the black
1:08:48
Speaker 1: guys at a young age.
1:08:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
1:08:50
Speaker 1: So all of our black girls disappeared at around 13
1:08:53
Speaker 1: years old and got pregnant.
1:08:55
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then they come back and they're just different
1:08:59
Speaker 2: or they just. like, um, yeah, they have a child
1:09:02
Speaker 2: now or they have like baby milk on their shoulder
1:09:05
Speaker 2: or whatever. Um, And also I think they had to
1:09:09
Speaker 2: defend themselves against like dudes in their town or whatever
1:09:13
Speaker 2: that were like trying to, you know, get with them
1:09:15
Speaker 2: when they were young. Yeah. So I think they were
1:09:17
Speaker 2: more into the whole like communicating with guys nature. So
1:09:21
Speaker 2: I think like a lot of times they would like
1:09:25
Speaker 2: they were just more advanced. Like the black kids in
1:09:28
Speaker 2: our school were more sexually advanced. They just had sex
1:09:30
Speaker 2: earlier and stuff. So I think that was intimidating. The
1:09:33
Speaker 2: black girls were intimidating because they had more experience. Yeah,
1:09:37
Speaker 2: it's funny. Sometimes you talk to a black guy. He's like,
1:09:39
Speaker 2: I got hit when I was 10. You're like, what? Like,
1:09:41
Speaker 2: for real? Sorry, dude. It's okay. This place just went
1:09:47
Speaker 2: out of business. We're good. It's true. You do hear
1:09:51
Speaker 2: that a lot. You're not wrong. You're fine. It is crazy. Bro,
1:09:56
Speaker 2: if somebody put my wiener, okay, that God made for
1:10:00
Speaker 2: me that I kept in my pants for him, if
1:10:03
Speaker 2: somebody put that in their mouth when I was 10
1:10:05
Speaker 2: years old, dude, oh, my God, I would have freaking— Oh,
1:10:09
Speaker 2: I would have lit a fire in our yard and
1:10:10
Speaker 2: made smoke signals for God to come and help us.
1:10:14
Speaker 2: It's over. It's over. I would, I would, I don't
1:10:17
Speaker 2: know how it's crazy.
1:10:19
Speaker 1: I would have hit him with a wrench or something.
1:10:20
Speaker 1: I just, that would have scared me so much. So
1:10:24
Speaker 1: that's what, so, but yeah, so that was kind of crazy.
1:10:26
Speaker 2: Sorry, I don't know if I spit on you or not,
1:10:27
Speaker 2: but it was good. Um, yeah, that, yeah, that, that, that,
1:10:32
Speaker 2: that kind of stuff's pretty crazy. And then, No, I
1:10:36
Speaker 2: get the intimidation factor I do get, but I always–
1:10:40
Speaker 2: whenever I like will see people and I always just
1:10:42
Speaker 2: assume– I always see like softer sides of it. It's
1:10:44
Speaker 2: something I've had my whole life where I can see
1:10:46
Speaker 2: like kind of like– I don't know. I always can
1:10:48
Speaker 2: see people's softer nature because people present one way. Then
1:10:51
Speaker 2: you're like with them.
1:10:52
Speaker 5: Oh, yeah.
1:10:52
Speaker 2: It's like it's a totally different thing. Oh, I would
1:10:54
Speaker 2: marry a black lady I believe or semi-black or whatever.
1:10:57
Speaker 2: For sure. Off-black.
1:10:58
Speaker 1: I mean there's so many– I mean I've long been
1:11:00
Speaker 1: of the belief that– We're going to– it's a beige future, right?
1:11:05
Speaker 1: In four generations, everybody's going to be beige.
1:11:08
Speaker 2: Yeah. Everybody that's still alive or whatever. Exactly, yeah. We're
1:11:11
Speaker 2: all going to be beige bitcoins. True.
1:11:14
Speaker 1: You know, that will have no sense of faith or–
1:11:17
Speaker 1: hope anymore but that's where we'll be true at least
1:11:20
Speaker 1: we'll be able to text each other online true so
1:11:24
Speaker 1: I think we might be in for like a massive
1:11:26
Speaker 1: spiritual awakening though it's coming there's rumbling I can detect
1:11:30
Speaker 1: rumblings I like that.
1:11:31
Speaker 2: Attitude man there was one thing I was gonna say
1:11:33
Speaker 2: what were we just talking about being married having a
1:11:40
Speaker 2: black wife oh yeah I would date a black woman
1:11:46
Speaker 2: I would marry a black woman um, I would date
1:11:49
Speaker 2: a black woman, dude.
1:11:50
Speaker 1: I would probably maybe marry a black woman, you know? Like,
1:11:52
Speaker 1: I don't, I think when I was a kid, I
1:11:54
Speaker 1: thought that that wasn't a real possibility or anything.
1:11:56
Speaker 2: That makes sense.
1:11:57
Speaker 1: But as an adult, I see that, oh, that's a possibility. Like,
1:12:00
Speaker 1: I think also just from where I was from, they
1:12:02
Speaker 1: didn't have like a lot of interracial dating at the time,
1:12:04
Speaker 1: you know?
1:12:05
Speaker 2: It was, it was even like, you know, I lived
1:12:07
Speaker 2: in like the, I lived in the Philadelphia suburbs. So
1:12:09
Speaker 2: it was like very, very, very white where I was
1:12:11
Speaker 2: growing up. But like, even in college, uh, Some of
1:12:15
Speaker 2: my friends would come up to me and be like,
1:12:16
Speaker 2: that's crazy, dude. They couldn't wrap their head around it.
1:12:19
Speaker 2: And it wasn't a hateful thing. It was just a
1:12:21
Speaker 2: mind blower. They'd be like, bro, that's crazy.
1:12:24
Speaker 1: The funny thing to me, though, is black dudes are
1:12:25
Speaker 1: always like, hey, man, you scared to date a black chick?
1:12:28
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you aren't dating a black chick. Every
1:12:32
Speaker 1: fucking black dude isn't dating a black chick. But the
1:12:35
Speaker 1: first thing they say is, oh, you scared of some
1:12:37
Speaker 1: of that black chick?
1:12:38
Speaker 2: They get hyped on you. When they see you with
1:12:40
Speaker 2: a black chick, they'll get hyped. And then sometimes they'll
1:12:42
Speaker 2: be like, you're an easy target. I can kind of like...
1:12:45
Speaker 2: I'll fuck with you. Or they'll do like a hard
1:12:47
Speaker 2: checkout on your baby. You have to just go nuts.
1:12:50
Speaker 2: You got to get white boy crazy. Yeah. So if
1:12:52
Speaker 2: they do like a damn, you have to be like,
1:12:54
Speaker 2: who the fuck's your fucking partner? You have to spaz
1:12:56
Speaker 2: because you can't tolerate that. So I've gone white boy
1:12:58
Speaker 2: crazy a couple of times. Yeah, you're like, I'm over
1:13:00
Speaker 2: here doing your job, motherfucker. Okay. Well, dude, apparently black
1:13:04
Speaker 2: women and Asian men are the, like Asian women tend
1:13:07
Speaker 2: to date outside the race a lot. Black men date
1:13:09
Speaker 2: outside the race a lot. But black women and Asian
1:13:11
Speaker 2: men tend to not date outside the race a lot.
1:13:14
Speaker 2: So like the yin and yang twins or whatever? Like
1:13:16
Speaker 2: what are you saying? No, they're just– So black and
1:13:18
Speaker 2: Asian do not date. Well, black men will date outside
1:13:21
Speaker 2: the race where traditionally black women tend to not date
1:13:23
Speaker 2: outside the race. Oh, wow. So it's just that's– And
1:13:25
Speaker 2: Asian women date white guys a lot, but a lot
1:13:27
Speaker 2: of Asian men don't date outside of the race. So
1:13:29
Speaker 2: it kind of like fucks you up in the dating pool. Yeah.
1:13:32
Speaker 2: So– but yeah, I think black women are coming around though.
1:13:34
Speaker 2: But yeah, they were fiercely loyal. It's still– you get
1:13:37
Speaker 2: a little– people are– you know.
1:13:41
Speaker 4: It does.
1:13:42
Speaker 2: Some people don't like it, obviously. You know, you get
1:13:43
Speaker 2: people who are, like, big into, like, black love, where
1:13:45
Speaker 2: they're like, it's not the same. And I'm like, whatever, man.
1:13:47
Speaker 2: That's your thing. Yeah, but, yeah, it's not your fault. Exactly.
1:13:51
Speaker 2: I don't feel any kind of way about it, but
1:13:53
Speaker 2: it's just like, you know, celebrate that if you want.
1:13:54
Speaker 2: That's fine. You know, but it's like... Dude, I remember
1:13:57
Speaker 2: the first time I, like, even, like, I was working
1:13:59
Speaker 2: out with a buddy of mine, a black guy, right?
1:14:00
Speaker 2: And he, like, touched my hand. He was helping spot
1:14:03
Speaker 2: me or something. And I was like, damn, I never
1:14:04
Speaker 2: even touched a black dude's hand or nothing. They have
1:14:07
Speaker 2: beautiful nails, too. Dude, there's, like, a... There's like a
1:14:09
Speaker 2: level of like black coolness where you grow one pinky
1:14:13
Speaker 2: nail long so you can crack a blunt with your
1:14:15
Speaker 2: long pinky nail. It's pretty sick. Yeah, it was like
1:14:17
Speaker 2: an evolution of the coke nail. But you can kind
1:14:20
Speaker 2: of just. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, you can just crack
1:14:22
Speaker 2: a blunt with a long pinky nail. Oh, being black, definitely.
1:14:23
Speaker 1: There's a lot of parts that seem super fun about it.
1:14:25
Speaker 1: And then there's some parts that I'm kind of like, man,
1:14:28
Speaker 1: that part, that is not for me. I couldn't handle that.
1:14:30
Speaker 2: It's definitely, I think it's easier than a black dude
1:14:34
Speaker 2: dating a white chick. Because everyone's just kind of like,
1:14:36
Speaker 2: you know, people are just. People just kind of, like,
1:14:38
Speaker 2: wait first when you first meet them will, like, kind
1:14:39
Speaker 2: of giggle and be like, oh, you like, you know,
1:14:41
Speaker 2: you like black girl, you know, shit like that. And, like,
1:14:43
Speaker 2: kind of dap you up and you're like, sweet. Whereas, like,
1:14:45
Speaker 2: I feel like the black, maybe it's different now, but
1:14:48
Speaker 2: back in the day, like, being a black dude at, like,
1:14:49
Speaker 2: a white family party, there was definitely some uncles hitting
1:14:52
Speaker 2: you with, like, icicles in the eyes just glaring at you. Like,
1:14:55
Speaker 2: what you doing over there? I heard my one friend
1:14:57
Speaker 2: was a black dude and he was dating a white
1:14:59
Speaker 2: chick and he said, like, her brother would ask him, like,
1:15:01
Speaker 2: weird shit being like, what do you think? He would
1:15:03
Speaker 2: get drunk and be like. He was a wrestler. He'd
1:15:06
Speaker 2: be like, let's wrestle right now. He'd be like, bro, chill, man. Like,
1:15:10
Speaker 2: we don't have to do this. Yeah. Yeah. That dude's gay, probably.
1:15:14
Speaker 2: I think black dudes aren't threatened by white dudes as
1:15:16
Speaker 2: much as white dudes might be threatened by black guys. Well, yeah,
1:15:19
Speaker 2: because they don't have to be because they can always
1:15:20
Speaker 2: beat up white dudes. Yeah. Bigger dicks. Statistically, bigger dicks
1:15:24
Speaker 2: can beat you up. Some of that's a rumor, first
1:15:25
Speaker 2: of all, I've heard. But, yeah, a lot of the
1:15:27
Speaker 2: ones on the internet, yes. Yeah. They've done condom sizing studies,
1:15:32
Speaker 2: and it's not as much of a difference as you think,
1:15:35
Speaker 2: but there's a difference.
1:15:36
Speaker 1: Dude, the last thing I would want to have is
1:15:38
Speaker 1: some big old long dick bothering me all day, dude.
1:15:41
Speaker 2: I hear you on that.
1:15:42
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:15:42
Speaker 2: I'm high and tight. I'm ready for action. I'm ready
1:15:44
Speaker 2: for action at all times. I'm ready for action at
1:15:47
Speaker 2: all times. Oh, I'm lucky. I got that John Stockton homie, dude.
1:15:52
Speaker 2: I'll help you out, bro. I'll try to assist you
1:15:55
Speaker 2: in whatever you're headed. I'm here, dude. I'm ready to run.
1:16:00
Speaker 2: I'm in sport mode.
1:16:01
Speaker 1: What was I just going to ask about? Yeah, there's
1:16:03
Speaker 1: definitely some white comics married to black women.
1:16:05
Speaker 2: I think T.J. Miller, I believe. Gary Owens. Gary Owens, yeah.
1:16:13
Speaker 2: Who else? You, Bill Burr. Oh, yeah, Bill Burr. Bill Maher.
1:16:17
Speaker 2: Bill Maher's never married to a black lady? Oh, he loves.
1:16:20
Speaker 6: Dating.
1:16:21
Speaker 2: It's crazy. He loves... That was a head-to-head. That was
1:16:26
Speaker 2: a black wife head-to-head, Bill Maher and Bill Burr. They
1:16:29
Speaker 2: were both dressed pretty good, too. They both were black
1:16:31
Speaker 2: wife affected, and they argued over Israel and Palestine. Oh,
1:16:34
Speaker 2: they did? Yeah, there was a fucking viral clip.
1:16:36
Speaker 8: Really?
1:16:36
Speaker 2: Let's hear it. It's kind of funny. Let's hear it.
1:16:40
Speaker 1: Bill Burr is ruthless. What is black wife affected? Let
1:16:42
Speaker 1: me get that, and then let's watch the clip.
1:16:44
Speaker 2: Just when you start dressing better because your wife's black,
1:16:46
Speaker 2: and they really don't tolerate if you're not dressed well.
1:16:49
Speaker 2: I fought along. I hold it down, you know. I
1:16:52
Speaker 2: still wear kind of like bummy stuff, but they'll wear
1:16:55
Speaker 2: on you. Yeah, black people like to look nice. Yeah.
1:16:58
Speaker 2: It's important. It's very important. And at weddings, it's the opposite.
1:17:01
Speaker 2: You have to dance. If you don't dance at a wedding,
1:17:02
Speaker 2: people are like, what the fuck is your problem?
1:17:04
Speaker 3: Really?
1:17:04
Speaker 2: White wedding, you sit in a chair the whole time. Oh, yeah.
1:17:06
Speaker 2: It's a lot of pressure to dance, yeah. You can
1:17:08
Speaker 2: gamble on your phone even. You can do whatever you want. Yeah,
1:17:10
Speaker 2: you're like, I object, you know? But you're just so gay, sister, whatever,
1:17:15
Speaker 2: you can't help but yell it. Look at these guys.
1:17:19
Speaker 2: Let's see what happens here. I mean, dude.
1:17:22
Speaker 4: Demonstrating for Hamas? They are in with the terrorists? They
1:17:26
Speaker 4: were for the Palestinians. Well, it's sort of the same cause.
1:17:33
Speaker 3: Why, are you?
1:17:35
Speaker 4: Um, I'm on the side of the kids. Yeah, that's
1:17:38
Speaker 4: easy to say.
1:17:39
Speaker 7: You know, no one wants to see kids dead This
1:17:42
Speaker 7: is a war.
1:17:42
Speaker 4: That was very brave of you to say that. This
1:17:44
Speaker 4: is a war.
1:17:45
Speaker 2: He sounds like he has no feelings.
1:17:48
Speaker 4: Pat yourself on the back. It's easy to say, I'm
1:17:50
Speaker 4: for the kids. Who's not for the kids? It comes
1:17:53
Speaker 4: down to real hard-nosed decisions. Stop talking like you're a general.
1:17:58
Speaker 4: A country got attacked. Israel got attacked. I'm not saying
1:18:01
Speaker 4: that they didn't have a right to go back. I'm
1:18:02
Speaker 4: just sitting there going like, how do I look at.
1:18:04
Speaker 7: They're the only country in the world that they get attacked,
1:18:07
Speaker 7: and then as soon as they counterattack, it's like, well,
1:18:09
Speaker 7: we got to stop this shit now. Don't attack them
1:18:11
Speaker 7: is a very simple solution to all this problem in
1:18:14
Speaker 7: the Middle East. Stop attacking Israel. Stop attacking Israel.
1:18:18
Speaker 4: I did. I actually did. There you go. That's fantastic.
1:18:20
Speaker 7: Anyway.
1:18:21
Speaker 4: All right. We don't need to get on to that.
1:18:22
Speaker 2: Apparently this was a whole episode.
1:18:24
Speaker 4: Of them fighting.
1:18:25
Speaker 2: How do you solve that one, Bill?
1:18:27
Speaker 4: Let me hear your hard-nosed decision.
1:18:29
Speaker 1: I think some of that's bullshit because I think some
1:18:31
Speaker 1: of the people, they are, I don't know, it feels
1:18:35
Speaker 1: like they had to elect the Hamas because they don't
1:18:38
Speaker 1: have any other choice.
1:18:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, true. But I guess you always have a choice
1:18:42
Speaker 2: in who you elect. I don't think– also, I don't
1:18:45
Speaker 2: think you can go against– I don't think you– can
1:18:47
Speaker 2: you vocally oppose Hamas in Palestine? That's a good question.
1:18:50
Speaker 2: It might be kind of risky.
1:18:51
Speaker 8: I don't know.
1:18:51
Speaker 2: That's the thing. The worst part is this will be
1:18:53
Speaker 2: on some historical record and we don't know how it
1:18:56
Speaker 2: will play out. We could be like basically on either
1:18:58
Speaker 2: side promoting the Nazis. You know what I'm saying?
1:19:01
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, you don't know the long play of it,
1:19:03
Speaker 1: you know. But to me, it's like if somebody says
1:19:06
Speaker 1: free a place, that's the place that needs to be
1:19:08
Speaker 1: freed usually.
1:19:08
Speaker 8: Yeah, true.
1:19:09
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? You don't hear free Israel.
1:19:10
Speaker 2: I've said this before. You don't hear free Kentucky. You
1:19:14
Speaker 2: don't hear free America. You're starting, you're kind of hearing
1:19:18
Speaker 2: a little, but you don't hear, you know. You hear
1:19:21
Speaker 2: free Cuba. You hear free Palestine. If that's the chant,
1:19:24
Speaker 2: it's like that's usually the place that needs to be free. Yeah,
1:19:28
Speaker 2: that's a fair point. That's a tough one to be like, well,
1:19:31
Speaker 2: hold on a second. What are they up to? Yeah,
1:19:33
Speaker 2: it feels bad.
1:19:34
Speaker 3: Right.
1:19:35
Speaker 2: You're like, well, what do they do? I don't know.
1:19:36
Speaker 2: My heart just tells me, and I don't know. My
1:19:39
Speaker 2: heart's—I'm hearted. But— My heart just tells me that it's
1:19:45
Speaker 2: just unfair.
1:19:47
Speaker 1: That's what it feels like to me. But then I
1:19:48
Speaker 1: don't know a lot about it. I got to get
1:19:49
Speaker 1: some people on.
1:19:50
Speaker 2: That no more. I mean, I think the war is
1:19:51
Speaker 2: totally unfair. They're totally unmatched. I mean, dude, imagine if
1:19:55
Speaker 2: you're fighting somebody and then someone gave you $ 90 billion.
1:19:58
Speaker 2: You're going to crush them. Yeah, I don't know why
1:20:02
Speaker 2: we're funding that. I know. That's my one point of
1:20:04
Speaker 2: contention where it's like, but then they'll go, well, we
1:20:06
Speaker 2: need them there because they helped stabilize the region, blah, blah, blah.
1:20:09
Speaker 2: But it's like, dude, $ 90 billion? It's fucked up. They're fine.
1:20:13
Speaker 2: They're good. Yeah, they're set up. But again, it's like, yeah,
1:20:15
Speaker 2: I don't fucking know. But that's the one thing that
1:20:18
Speaker 2: disheartened me, because they passed that new bill. It was
1:20:20
Speaker 2: like $ 90 billion. Oh, they keep getting.
1:20:21
Speaker 1: Well, they're using Biden as a fucking human merry-go-round or whatever.
1:20:26
Speaker 2: That dude's over there like, my son got.
1:20:30
Speaker 5: My son was a four-star general at... Arby's, you know,
1:20:35
Speaker 5: and my black guy at the swimming pool stabbed my son,
1:20:40
Speaker 5: you know?
1:20:41
Speaker 2: He's like, what the fuck is he even talking about, dude?
1:20:43
Speaker 2: He sounds like outtakes from a fucking Larry David episode.
1:20:47
Speaker 2: That's what he sounds like. Dude, we were talking about
1:20:50
Speaker 2: it yesterday on our podcast where he's, RFK Jr. was like, dude,
1:20:54
Speaker 2: I forget the time span, but if there's a nuclear
1:20:56
Speaker 2: threat in the middle of the night, they got to
1:20:58
Speaker 2: wake Joe Biden up and he's got like maybe 30
1:21:01
Speaker 2: seconds to make a call. How fucked up is that?
1:21:04
Speaker 2: How terrifying is that? He's got to walk down a
1:21:08
Speaker 2: hallway and be like, what's going on from sleep? And
1:21:11
Speaker 2: be like, this is what we're doing. Oh, my God.
1:21:14
Speaker 2: I hope that's not the case. There has to be
1:21:16
Speaker 2: people in the White House being like, bro, chill. We'll
1:21:18
Speaker 2: do it. Relax.
1:21:20
Speaker 1: There's no way that guy's making a decision. There's no
1:21:23
Speaker 1: way that guy is doing anything. Imagine him trying to eat.
1:21:26
Speaker 1: This is what I imagine a lot of him trying
1:21:28
Speaker 1: to eat a piece of Kraft singles cheese.
1:21:34
Speaker 2: There should be footage of that. I did prove it.
1:21:36
Speaker 2: Open one of those. Yeah, that's the litmus test. If
1:21:38
Speaker 2: you can't successfully open, eat, and swallow a Kraft single,
1:21:45
Speaker 2: then you're fucking out of here, my guy. Yeah, no
1:21:48
Speaker 2: nuclear codes at all. Yeah, you're out of here. And
1:21:51
Speaker 2: everybody's always like the nuclear codes. The nuclear codes are
1:21:53
Speaker 2: the algorithms of the internet. Those are the fucking nuclear
1:21:57
Speaker 2: codes that are killing our humanity and our being, it
1:22:01
Speaker 2: feels like. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Do you guys have children? Yeah,
1:22:06
Speaker 2: we have kids. Yeah, we have two little kids. So
1:22:07
Speaker 2: your father, is this... I thought I was getting lumped
1:22:09
Speaker 2: in with Biden. I was like, yeah, I think we
1:22:11
Speaker 2: both have kids.
1:22:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, no.
1:22:12
Speaker 2: No, yeah, I have a father. I have two daughters,
1:22:13
Speaker 2: two little kids. One will be two in a couple
1:22:16
Speaker 2: weeks and a four-year-old. Wow. Yeah, it's the best. It is? Yeah,
1:22:21
Speaker 2: it's very, very taxing and it's... But it really is
1:22:24
Speaker 2: the best. It really... You hear a lot of guys
1:22:26
Speaker 2: when they have kids, they get all like crazy. They're like, Dude,
1:22:28
Speaker 2: if there was a button right now that I had
1:22:30
Speaker 2: to hit to kill myself or her, I'd fucking hit
1:22:31
Speaker 2: it and kill myself. It's like, you don't have to
1:22:33
Speaker 2: go that hard. Yeah, dude. That's chill out, dude. You're
1:22:35
Speaker 2: a manager, first of all, at a Jimmy John's.
1:22:38
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:22:39
Speaker 2: Oh, that's your family right there. Yeah, that's my family. Oh, dang.
1:22:42
Speaker 2: Those girls are cute, huh? They're cuties, man. That's so cool.
1:22:46
Speaker 2: But yeah, so when you're a dad or you're a parent,
1:22:49
Speaker 2: I guess, in general, it's like you live your whole
1:22:51
Speaker 2: life for yourself before you have kids. You're just... You know,
1:22:53
Speaker 2: every single person is just narcissistically self-obsessed. It's just the
1:22:57
Speaker 2: way we are. Yeah, I am.
1:22:58
Speaker 4: Everybody.
1:22:59
Speaker 2: No, every single person is. And people are like, I'm not.
1:23:01
Speaker 2: It's like, yes, you are. Oh, so it's something you
1:23:02
Speaker 2: don't even realize until you have a child, you mean? Well,
1:23:05
Speaker 2: it's like, I think so. Hopefully you realize. If you
1:23:08
Speaker 2: don't realize it, that can be tough. But it's like.
1:23:10
Speaker 2: And it's not to put down or slam. It's like
1:23:12
Speaker 2: as an organism, we have to be primarily obsessed with ourselves. Oh,
1:23:16
Speaker 2: it'd be really weird if I was taking care of
1:23:17
Speaker 2: some kids that weren't mine. That's what I'm saying. Just
1:23:20
Speaker 2: as a person, if there's a dangerous situation, our bodies
1:23:22
Speaker 2: are designed to preserve ourselves and to advance our own interests. Oh, wow.
1:23:26
Speaker 2: It's the law of nature. So then when you have
1:23:28
Speaker 2: a kid, you start that drive. It gets frustrated over
1:23:31
Speaker 2: and over and over on a daily basis. And you
1:23:33
Speaker 2: either come to grips with that and reorient yourself around
1:23:38
Speaker 2: stuff outside of yourself or I think it just explodes
1:23:40
Speaker 2: your brain and you just completely fail. Yeah. It's pretty tough.
1:23:44
Speaker 2: It's a pretty tough job, but it's, it's the best dude.
1:23:47
Speaker 2: Waking up every morning, become every morning now is like,
1:23:49
Speaker 2: it's the same thing over and over. Like the kids
1:23:51
Speaker 2: wake up, you get them breakfast. And it, for me,
1:23:53
Speaker 2: it put me on like a nice schedule. Cause I
1:23:54
Speaker 2: was just kind of floating around. So. Damn. It's cool.
1:23:58
Speaker 1: Did you plan on having a baby or was it
1:24:02
Speaker 1: a surprise?
1:24:03
Speaker 2: Yeah. We were like both like, fuck it. Let's have
1:24:05
Speaker 2: a kid. It wasn't like super planned out, but we
1:24:07
Speaker 2: were like, We weren't trying not to, and then she
1:24:10
Speaker 2: got pregnant, and I was like, oh, shit, fuck, and
1:24:12
Speaker 2: it's just like, ugh. And at the... Do you... Yeah,
1:24:16
Speaker 2: does it feel like you have mixed kids, or does
1:24:18
Speaker 2: it feel like you just have children? It feels like
1:24:19
Speaker 2: you have kids. You don't really... We don't really, like...
1:24:21
Speaker 2: Because then when you have kids, you get kids' books,
1:24:23
Speaker 2: so you get, like, different kids' books. Now there's been
1:24:25
Speaker 2: a lot of, like, political and racial ideology that's been
1:24:28
Speaker 2: pumped into kids' books. Not all of it's bad. Some
1:24:30
Speaker 2: of it's, like, you know, love your hair, shit like that.
1:24:32
Speaker 8: Right.
1:24:32
Speaker 2: Then you get, like, some political stuff. So, like... I've
1:24:36
Speaker 2: been kind of like, I'll like screen out some of
1:24:37
Speaker 2: the books that they're like too political. I'll just like
1:24:39
Speaker 2: show them pictures. Like, Oh, look at this lady. Yeah.
1:24:41
Speaker 1: Like Horton, here's a Harriet Tubman or whatever. And you're like, yeah,
1:24:45
Speaker 1: this feels a little, it's.
1:24:46
Speaker 2: Like, yeah. Anything that's like overtly super political. I'm just like,
1:24:50
Speaker 2: you know, I'm like, I'm not, I'll just like point
1:24:52
Speaker 2: to the pictures and make up a story. And you know,
1:24:54
Speaker 2: it's like, say they're, they're little kids. You don't have
1:24:56
Speaker 2: to like, you just don't, I don't like, I'm not
1:24:58
Speaker 2: like against people knowing that stuff. It's just like, dude,
1:25:01
Speaker 2: this kid's trying to figure out like, Squares and circles.
1:25:04
Speaker 2: They don't need to comprehend systemic inequalities yet. They can
1:25:09
Speaker 2: get that. That'll be later. It's anti-racist baby. That book
1:25:12
Speaker 2: is crazy. Feminist baby is crazy. Feminist baby is kind
1:25:15
Speaker 2: of crazy, too.
1:25:16
Speaker 1: Feminist baby is pretty crazy. Oh, yeah, it's feminist, dude.
1:25:20
Speaker 1: It's a baby, dude. We can't even make it.
1:25:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, babies are initially obsessed with the mother, too. They
1:25:25
Speaker 2: have to be, bro. It's a survival. Yeah, it's a
1:25:27
Speaker 2: survival thing. If some gay baby came over trying to
1:25:29
Speaker 2: slurp on my chest, dude, I'd fucking... Put him to
1:25:32
Speaker 2: bed early. Yeah, true. I would put that fucking fat
1:25:37
Speaker 2: McNugget to bed early, dude.
1:25:39
Speaker 1: The crazy thing about being a baby is you can
1:25:41
Speaker 1: be as fat as you want and people fucking love you, dude.
1:25:45
Speaker 1: It's almost like the Yokozuna in Japan, you know?
1:25:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, true. That's actually, that's a fair point. Actually, people
1:25:50
Speaker 2: love fat babies, man. Women squeeze their cheeks and they're like,
1:25:55
Speaker 2: you're so fat. Women are crazy, too, because when you
1:25:57
Speaker 2: have a kid, they like the smell of their baby poop.
1:25:59
Speaker 2: I've heard this from multiple women. Like, it smells like
1:26:01
Speaker 2: buttered popcorn. Dude, it's so gross. It's disgusting. But, no,
1:26:06
Speaker 2: having kids is cool, man. It's like, definitely for me,
1:26:09
Speaker 2: at least, it kind of rocked me to the foundation
1:26:11
Speaker 2: on one level. But then you're still your normal self.
1:26:14
Speaker 2: But you're just hyper aware. Like, I used to have
1:26:15
Speaker 2: an anger problem. Like, I would fucking break glasses. Really? Oh,
1:26:18
Speaker 2: I was so bad. What do you think it was from?
1:26:19
Speaker 2: I have an anger problem. We have an anger guy
1:26:21
Speaker 2: coming on in a couple weeks. Do you really?
1:26:23
Speaker 4: Yeah.
1:26:24
Speaker 2: Dude, I don't know. I mean, I can go into depth.
1:26:27
Speaker 2: I think I could venture a guess that was like,
1:26:30
Speaker 2: Sometimes in households, there's, like, certain emotions aren't on display,
1:26:33
Speaker 2: and anger can certainly become a primary emotion. If you're, like,
1:26:37
Speaker 2: in a household where people aren't exactly talking and sharing feelings,
1:26:39
Speaker 2: everything gets bottled up. So then every feeling gets channeled
1:26:42
Speaker 2: into anger eventually. So it just becomes, like, it just
1:26:44
Speaker 2: becomes natural to you just to fucking spaz. So I
1:26:47
Speaker 2: was just a spaz. I don't know. I come from
1:26:49
Speaker 2: a long line of Irish spazes. So I would just, like, especially, like,
1:26:52
Speaker 2: you know, in the early stages of our relationship, you
1:26:55
Speaker 2: get into those, like, Those arguments where you're just like,
1:26:57
Speaker 2: I don't, you get so disoriented because you're like, I
1:26:59
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm right. I don't know if I'm wrong.
1:27:01
Speaker 2: And you just start to spaz and I would be
1:27:03
Speaker 2: doing the dishes and just be like, like smash a glass.
1:27:06
Speaker 2: But then like, yeah, once you have like that kind
1:27:08
Speaker 2: of shit has to stop once you have kids or
1:27:10
Speaker 2: you can just keep going and terrify them. So you
1:27:12
Speaker 2: got to like, you know, I'd have to like really,
1:27:14
Speaker 2: I had to rein that in. That would break their
1:27:16
Speaker 2: heart too, dude. It'd just be so scary, dude. It's
1:27:19
Speaker 2: so good. As I can remember as a kid, like
1:27:21
Speaker 2: seeing your parents yell was like, fuck, dude. It just
1:27:23
Speaker 2: was shitty. My dad, yeah, was like, he was so old.
1:27:26
Speaker 2: He was probably, when I finally could get a good
1:27:28
Speaker 2: look at him, he was probably about 76. Damn. And
1:27:30
Speaker 2: he would, he would drink sometimes and he would like
1:27:37
Speaker 2: park his car like in the ditch outside of our house. Yeah.
1:27:41
Speaker 2: It's not a good look when you see that car
1:27:43
Speaker 2: in the ditch. You're like, fuck. We thought it was
1:27:44
Speaker 2: so funny, dude. And dude, one time our aunt came
1:27:47
Speaker 2: to visit and she was like 91 years old, dude.
1:27:50
Speaker 2: It was my dad's sister. We'd never even seen anybody
1:27:53
Speaker 2: this fucking old. Really? She just rolled up? Yeah, she
1:27:57
Speaker 2: came to visit. I think she was 90 or 91.
1:28:00
Speaker 2: And we were just like, what is going on? That's wild.
1:28:04
Speaker 2: She couldn't even talk to us. damn so how old
1:28:07
Speaker 2: was your dad when he had you he was 70
1:28:08
Speaker 2: he was an older guy but it was just it
1:28:10
Speaker 2: was so bizarre she couldn't even talk to us and
1:28:12
Speaker 2: but she painted us some pictures i remember that's kind
1:28:15
Speaker 2: of cool it was really nice of her she painted
1:28:16
Speaker 2: like wildflowers from i think mississippi or something that's pretty
1:28:20
Speaker 2: that's nice yeah it was very sweet of her but
1:28:22
Speaker 2: yeah to answer your question that was kind of it
1:28:24
Speaker 2: like you just you get kind of like you just
1:28:25
Speaker 2: if you see spazzing you're like yeah this is just
1:28:28
Speaker 2: how i handle stuff and then you just start spazzing
1:28:30
Speaker 2: and then like you know if you don't learn how
1:28:32
Speaker 2: to like logically processed, whatever that surge of emotion is.
1:28:35
Speaker 2: It's just like, I'm going to fucking spaz. I still,
1:28:37
Speaker 2: I'm still guilty of it.
1:28:38
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:28:39
Speaker 2: Like I'll like kick. if we have like an empty
1:28:40
Speaker 2: paper bag i'll fucking everyone leaves i'll just kick that
1:28:44
Speaker 2: bitch kick it as hard as i kick that motherfucker
1:28:46
Speaker 2: too i also stopped talking i was talking my dogs
1:28:48
Speaker 2: real mean too i was like i'd walk my dogs
1:28:51
Speaker 2: and they yank my arm i'd be like you motherfucker
1:28:52
Speaker 2: knock it off and i had to like Chill with that.
1:28:55
Speaker 2: I can't do that. But yeah, I was hazing, huh? Well, dude,
1:28:58
Speaker 2: your shoulder yanked. It's like my dog's like 60 pounds. Yeah.
1:29:02
Speaker 2: Yanks your shoulder and you're not expecting it. It is
1:29:05
Speaker 2: the most infuriating thing. But if someone sees you doing that,
1:29:07
Speaker 2: they're like this guy in my house, it was like
1:29:09
Speaker 2: it was all you could hit dogs in my house.
1:29:11
Speaker 2: It was like just. That's where we were at.
1:29:13
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
1:29:13
Speaker 2: Philly. Kids got beat. That's Michael Vick country. Yeah. Kids,
1:29:16
Speaker 2: if you're bad, you got hit. If the dog was bad,
1:29:18
Speaker 2: of course the dog got hit, too. So I thought
1:29:20
Speaker 2: it was normal to hit dogs.
1:29:21
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:29:22
Speaker 2: And I learned that it's not. Dude, dogs used to
1:29:24
Speaker 2: patrol our neighborhood, attack kids. Really? Attack people, male people. G-A-Ys. Everybody, dude.
1:29:33
Speaker 2: They would bite everybody, dude. Damn. Let's watch the rest
1:29:37
Speaker 2: of that bird thing. Do we watch his part? I
1:29:39
Speaker 2: want to see what he said back. Or just see
1:29:40
Speaker 2: what he said. I want to see what he said.
1:29:41
Speaker 7: The solution to all this problem in the Middle East,
1:29:44
Speaker 7: stop attacking Israel.
1:29:46
Speaker 4: Hey, you just solved it. Stop attacking Israel.
1:29:47
Speaker 2: You just solved it.
1:29:48
Speaker 4: I actually did. There you go. That's fantastic. Anyway. All right.
1:29:51
Speaker 8: We don't need to get onto that. Let's go to
1:29:53
Speaker 8: Russia and the Ukraine. How do you solve that one, Bill?
1:29:57
Speaker 8: Let me hear your hard-nosed decision about that. Well, let
1:29:59
Speaker 8: me ask you a question. How is war still legal?
1:30:02
Speaker 8: All this shit that's been canceled.
1:30:04
Speaker 2: Legal.
1:30:04
Speaker 4: Why is that still fucking legal?
1:30:06
Speaker 2: The great point.
1:30:06
Speaker 4: Would you like a real answer to that?
1:30:08
Speaker 2: So I stole Bill Maher's answer, by the way.
1:30:09
Speaker 4: For something to be.
1:30:10
Speaker 7: illegal, you have to have the capacity to enforce it.
1:30:14
Speaker 7: And you can't enforce against war or else you have
1:30:18
Speaker 7: to go to war with the country that's going to war.
1:30:20
Speaker 7: And we don't want to go to war with Russia
1:30:22
Speaker 7: over Ukraine. What would be the sense of making it illegal? Oh,
1:30:25
Speaker 7: that's really going to stop Putin. No, to stop people
1:30:28
Speaker 7: from going to war, you have to also put... You
1:30:31
Speaker 7: can't sit down and talk it out.
1:30:33
Speaker 8: Why can't Putin do a podcast with the head guy Like,
1:30:37
Speaker 8: you just solved the Middle East on a podcast.
1:30:39
Speaker 4: Why can't they solve what they're doing on a podcast?
1:30:41
Speaker 7: This is why this is not your thing.
1:30:43
Speaker 4: Make some hard noise. It's not your thing. It is
1:30:47
Speaker 4: my thing. It isn't your thing. This is not your thing.
1:30:49
Speaker 4: You're like that guy that has a fantasy.
1:30:51
Speaker 8: Football team and thinks he's a fucking GM.
1:30:55
Speaker 4: That's exactly what it is.
1:30:56
Speaker 8: Like, why am I fucking listening to you like you've
1:30:59
Speaker 8: done something?
1:31:00
Speaker 2: That's hilarious.
1:31:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, Bill Maher hasn't done shit, dude. Well, he was
1:31:03
Speaker 1: super woke, and then he pandered. When he realized his
1:31:06
Speaker 1: audience was leaving, he definitely got more centrist.
1:31:08
Speaker 2: You think that's what it was? I certainly think that.
1:31:10
Speaker 1: To him, it was a financial thing that he got
1:31:13
Speaker 1: way more centrist because I started seeing, like, he was like,
1:31:16
Speaker 1: Every all these idiots are wrong. You're taking horse medicine
1:31:19
Speaker 1: or whatever.
1:31:19
Speaker 2: Yeah. And then you certainly seen him come back over
1:31:22
Speaker 2: to the other side. He flipped big time. I mean,
1:31:24
Speaker 2: I was delighted to see him flip like that. But
1:31:26
Speaker 2: I get what you're saying. If you start getting enough
1:31:28
Speaker 2: hate now, you can just like measure in real time.
1:31:30
Speaker 2: You see it. You're like, oh, fuck these guys. Dude,
1:31:31
Speaker 2: if you go on YouTube, almost every comment is like,
1:31:35
Speaker 2: fuck this. Some gradient of like, you know, whether it's
1:31:39
Speaker 2: Trump or like almost 80 percent of comments like Trump rules.
1:31:41
Speaker 2: It's like mostly some reason like conservative people commenting. I
1:31:44
Speaker 2: don't know if it's like bots or what. It's like
1:31:46
Speaker 2: if you were to watch that clip, actually, I think
1:31:48
Speaker 2: I did read that. A lot of people were slamming Maher,
1:31:50
Speaker 2: being like, what a smug fucking blah, blah, blah.
1:31:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just, my mom never liked him, and she
1:31:55
Speaker 1: never really said anything to me, but I remember her
1:31:57
Speaker 1: saying that once.
1:31:58
Speaker 2: My mom doesn't like Bill Maher at all.
1:31:59
Speaker 1: I don't like Bill Maher. He doesn't seem respectful to women.
1:32:03
Speaker 1: That's what I remember she said to me.
1:32:04
Speaker 2: That's fair. I think that's fair for her to say,
1:32:06
Speaker 2: especially back in the, you know. Yeah, I don't know.
1:32:08
Speaker 2: I've never met him, you know. I just know. No,
1:32:10
Speaker 2: I haven't either. I'm just joking, but. No, I just
1:32:12
Speaker 2: know he did flip-flop hard. I remember just being, I
1:32:15
Speaker 2: was delighted. I was like, yes. It was funny.
1:32:18
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, because you.
1:32:18
Speaker 1: Needed some, every host was all. like really, it seemed
1:32:23
Speaker 1: like not, they just all had the same exact plan.
1:32:27
Speaker 1: It was like, remember when they played that video?
1:32:29
Speaker 2: Dude, that was crazy.
1:32:30
Speaker 1: When it was all talking at once. All talking about,
1:32:32
Speaker 1: every channel talking about the same thing. It was like,
1:32:34
Speaker 1: at a certain point, you can't think we all think
1:32:37
Speaker 1: we just live in some, like, people are gonna notice.
1:32:41
Speaker 2: Yeah. Right? And it almost seemed like we're so dumb,
1:32:43
Speaker 2: we didn't notice. That was fucked up, man. That like,
1:32:45
Speaker 2: that bugged me out. And is this a real video?
1:32:47
Speaker 2: Is this a real thing? I think so. I mean,
1:32:49
Speaker 2: that'd be crazy to fake that.
1:32:52
Speaker 3: Fox San Antonio's Jessica Headley.
1:32:54
Speaker 4: And I'm Ryan Wolf.
1:32:55
Speaker 3: Our greatest responsibility is to serve our Treasure Valley communities.
1:32:58
Speaker 2: The El Paso, Las Cruces communities.
1:33:00
Speaker 4: Eastern Iowa communities. Mid-Michigan communities.
1:33:03
Speaker 2: We are extremely proud of the quality, balanced journalism that
1:33:06
Speaker 2: CBS 4 News produces.
1:33:08
Speaker 8: But... We are concerned about someone trying to be responsible.
1:33:12
Speaker 2: One side of the news stories plaguing our country.
1:33:15
Speaker 3: Plaguing our country. The sharing of biased and false news
1:33:18
Speaker 3: has become all too common on social media. More alarming,
1:33:22
Speaker 3: some media outlets publish the same fake stories without checking
1:33:25
Speaker 3: facts first.
1:33:26
Speaker 2: The sharing of biased and false.
1:33:28
Speaker 3: News has become all too common on social media.
1:33:32
Speaker 2: I mean, they definitely have a script. People are writing scripts.
1:33:36
Speaker 1: Well, it's just that they're all owned by the same
1:33:38
Speaker 1: three or four companies now. It's like it's like it's
1:33:42
Speaker 1: the same reason why it's everything's just kind of the same.
1:33:45
Speaker 2: It's like.
1:33:47
Speaker 1: It's all Panera Bread. It's just the same seven companies
1:33:50
Speaker 1: own everything.
1:33:51
Speaker 2: Of course.
1:33:52
Speaker 1: So when people are finally like, you can't just expect
1:33:54
Speaker 1: that people don't have something inside of them that detects what,
1:34:00
Speaker 1: when something is inauthentic, I think.
1:34:02
Speaker 2: And that's the last piece of you probably to go
1:34:05
Speaker 2: is that part of you that.
1:34:07
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:34:07
Speaker 2: Well, I think the, I think people underestimate the vast
1:34:10
Speaker 2: majority of people and it's like a tough thing to
1:34:12
Speaker 2: think about. Just really don't think for themselves that much.
1:34:14
Speaker 2: I think it's true. And then it's like, you know,
1:34:16
Speaker 2: you can really just kind of pump a message out.
1:34:18
Speaker 2: I agree. It'll land with a huge majority of people.
1:34:21
Speaker 2: I mean, they figured this out. I think it was Bernays.
1:34:23
Speaker 2: It was like Freud's nephew did that whole book, Propaganda.
1:34:26
Speaker 2: And they, like, studied this. Like, dude, you can convince
1:34:28
Speaker 2: people of anything. Freud's nephew must have been balling, too, because, yeah,
1:34:31
Speaker 2: he's like my uncle's fucking Freud. He must have been smashing.
1:34:35
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude.
1:34:36
Speaker 2: Apparently, he convinced women to smoke cigarettes. Women didn't smoke
1:34:39
Speaker 2: cigarettes until … there was a company that was like,
1:34:41
Speaker 2: we got to drive up our sales. And he like,
1:34:43
Speaker 2: he's like, I got it. And he just had like
1:34:44
Speaker 2: a famous actress smoke a cigarette at a parade and
1:34:47
Speaker 2: cigarette sales. Women just fucking spiked. It's crazy. It is crazy, dude.
1:34:52
Speaker 2: I wish I wouldn't smoke. Yeah, man. Armageddon, dude. Um,
1:34:58
Speaker 2: good for Burfer speaking up though, at least. Burr for
1:35:01
Speaker 2: going after uh Bill Maher yeah it was funny he's
1:35:05
Speaker 2: he's very he's very entertaining with all that stuff like
1:35:07
Speaker 2: what are you a fucking general it's like fuck that's
1:35:09
Speaker 2: funny perfect line to a general yeah but yeah apparently
1:35:14
Speaker 2: he was like nasty though he did it the whole
1:35:15
Speaker 2: time Burr did yeah apparently yeah they had like a
1:35:18
Speaker 2: super cut of just him just fucking leveling him the
1:35:21
Speaker 2: entire time so that's tough and you know especially Bill
1:35:24
Speaker 2: Maher like you were saying he's I don't think he's
1:35:26
Speaker 2: equipped for that kind of cut fight, really. Because he's, like,
1:35:29
Speaker 2: going into, like, the issues that, you know, from his perspective. Like,
1:35:32
Speaker 2: let's talk about this from a macro perspective. And Burr's like,
1:35:34
Speaker 2: you're a fucking loser. And you're like, fuck. Fuck, dude.
1:35:38
Speaker 2: God damn it, dude. God, Burr is fucking incredible, dude.
1:35:43
Speaker 2: He's funny as fuck. He's one of none, dude. Yeah.
1:35:47
Speaker 2: That's how rare he is. He's nasty as fuck. But, yeah,
1:35:49
Speaker 2: he crushed him, man. Good for him. Yeah, he was
1:35:53
Speaker 2: a big COVID guy, too. I noticed that. He was
1:35:55
Speaker 2: like number one COVID guy. Who, Bill Maher? Bill Burr.
1:35:58
Speaker 2: Bill Burr, he was pro-COVID? Well, yeah, pro-COVID, pro-mask, pro-vax,
1:36:02
Speaker 2: you know, which is his prerogative, whatever.
1:36:03
Speaker 4: Yeah.
1:36:04
Speaker 1: But at least he's a free thinker. He's able to
1:36:06
Speaker 1: think for both sides of things. It's not always just
1:36:08
Speaker 1: one side of things.
1:36:09
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, he does. He does a good job of that.
1:36:11
Speaker 2: His appearances on Conan are really funny.
1:36:14
Speaker 1: And COVID, like, I didn't know if it was real
1:36:16
Speaker 1: at first. But then when people were dying, I was like, oh,
1:36:18
Speaker 1: something's really going on here. And then people I started
1:36:20
Speaker 1: to know got sick. Because first it just came from
1:36:22
Speaker 1: the news. You were like, people are getting this thing.
1:36:24
Speaker 1: It was kind of invisible. You couldn't really see it.
1:36:27
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know. We had, like, Ebola before that. We
1:36:30
Speaker 2: had a couple of little things. But they were like,
1:36:32
Speaker 2: this is it. But I remember just looking at the
1:36:34
Speaker 2: stats and being like, I don't think I have to
1:36:36
Speaker 2: worry about this. That was my only gripe about it.
1:36:38
Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you could have, like, preserved the elderly.
1:36:42
Speaker 2: Let the obese chill. And anyone who was, like, younger
1:36:45
Speaker 2: and not, like, had emphysema should have been able to
1:36:47
Speaker 2: just do their thing the entire time. Yeah, they were like,
1:36:49
Speaker 2: hide your fat friends and everything.
1:36:51
Speaker 1: They were, like, making all these crazy rules. Dude, my
1:36:54
Speaker 1: friend would go and get his groceries delivered in his yard,
1:36:58
Speaker 1: have the guy set him out there. He would go
1:37:00
Speaker 1: out there with a fucking pressure washer and pressure wash
1:37:03
Speaker 1: his fucking groceries, dude. Yeah, that's crazy. In a hazmat suit.
1:37:08
Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, you are a pussy, dude.
1:37:11
Speaker 2: I would rather die next to a couple things of
1:37:15
Speaker 2: Ritz crackers in front of my son than ever see
1:37:19
Speaker 2: him let me hazmat suit down some Miracle Whip and
1:37:24
Speaker 2: some fucking oatmeal squares. Dude, and that was a crazy
1:37:29
Speaker 2: thing because I had my first daughter right at the
1:37:32
Speaker 2: beginning of COVID. So we were in school and like,
1:37:35
Speaker 2: The parents were trying to make the kids, like, dude,
1:37:37
Speaker 2: fucking two-year-olds. It was like a daycare, like early childhood education.
1:37:41
Speaker 2: Trying to make them wear masks all day. And it
1:37:43
Speaker 2: was like, bro, give it up. They're not keeping these
1:37:45
Speaker 2: on all day. And also for a two-year-old who's virtually
1:37:47
Speaker 2: at zero risk, you're going to tell them in their
1:37:50
Speaker 2: formative years, like, there's a giant virus and we're all dying. Like, dude,
1:37:52
Speaker 2: let them chill. You can tell them, like, people are
1:37:55
Speaker 2: getting sick. But, like, dude, they were mask on all
1:37:57
Speaker 2: the times. And where is the virus now, dude? That's
1:38:00
Speaker 2: a thing. It's gone, dude. It's fucking here. gone bro
1:38:03
Speaker 2: exactly it's you don't hear about it if people get
1:38:06
Speaker 2: it cards that shit didn't tell like what was that
1:38:08
Speaker 2: for for now and now the people that have it
1:38:10
Speaker 2: they don't know if mike gets sick and you know
1:38:12
Speaker 2: now the i believe you can't trust i.
1:38:15
Speaker 1: Don't know i don't want to get on the road
1:38:16
Speaker 1: i just think people hear so much of it they're
1:38:18
Speaker 1: probably sick.
1:38:19
Speaker 2: Yeah i mean also it's a throwback now but yeah
1:38:21
Speaker 2: they were funny too because they were just a piece
1:38:23
Speaker 2: of paper yeah so you could just fake them. And
1:38:25
Speaker 2: there was no penalty for fake. If you faked one,
1:38:27
Speaker 2: there was no criminal penalty. I don't think. Yeah, I
1:38:29
Speaker 2: had four fake ones, dude.
1:38:30
Speaker 9: Yeah.
1:38:31
Speaker 2: I got into different countries on fake ones. Because they
1:38:35
Speaker 2: would just look at it. I'd have a picture on
1:38:36
Speaker 2: my phone and be like, here it is. And they'd
1:38:37
Speaker 2: be like, cool, man. I'm like, this is fucking ridiculous.
1:38:42
Speaker 2: So dumb, man. What else happened in the news, guys?
1:38:46
Speaker 2: Let me see. Peru classified transgender, non-binary, and intersex people
1:38:51
Speaker 2: as mentally ill. Peru. Wow. What did they say why?
1:38:56
Speaker 2: That's a good question.
1:38:58
Speaker 1: I mean, Peru's a Christian nation. I do know that,
1:39:01
Speaker 1: but I'm not saying that justifies it. I'm just laying
1:39:04
Speaker 1: that groundwork. The controversial decision was made to ensure the
1:39:07
Speaker 1: country's public health services could guarantee full coverage of medical
1:39:11
Speaker 1: attention for mental health for the trans community.
1:39:13
Speaker 2: Peruvian health ministry explained. That makes sense. In order to
1:39:17
Speaker 2: bill insurance, you have to, it has to be a mental,
1:39:19
Speaker 2: like some sort of mental disorder. Oh, so it's a
1:39:20
Speaker 2: helpful thing. They did a kind of a nice thing.
1:39:22
Speaker 2: Being gay was a straight up mental disorder in the seventies.
1:39:25
Speaker 2: It was listed in the book that was like that.
1:39:26
Speaker 2: There's a book that's called the DSM that has every
1:39:29
Speaker 2: mental disorder. And every year people have to argue like
1:39:31
Speaker 2: what's still one, what isn't like how long, you know, blah, blah, blah.
1:39:34
Speaker 2: But yeah, being gay in like the seventies was like
1:39:35
Speaker 2: a mental, it was like a clinical mental disorder. I mean,
1:39:38
Speaker 2: it had to seem like it. If you think about it,
1:39:40
Speaker 2: imagine you're hanging out somewhere, right?
1:39:41
Speaker 8: Yeah.
1:39:43
Speaker 1: And you're just sitting there with your buddy or something.
1:39:44
Speaker 1: You're watching like the Cubs or something. You're watching Andre Dawson.
1:39:49
Speaker 1: And your buddy keeps fucking putting his hand on your leg, right?
1:39:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, true. And you tell him like, you know, hey, Mark.
1:39:57
Speaker 2: What's up?
1:39:57
Speaker 1: Your hand keeps moving over here. Is something wrong with
1:40:00
Speaker 1: your elbow? Is something wrong with your shoulder?
1:40:02
Speaker 2: You have to call 911. Is something wrong with your bicep?
1:40:04
Speaker 2: And he's like, no, I'm fine. And it keeps happening.
1:40:08
Speaker 2: And then it starts rubbing on your chest or whatever.
1:40:09
Speaker 2: You're like, this dude doesn't understand that something's wrong with you.
1:40:13
Speaker 2: You're going to think then that he's mentally disabled.
1:40:15
Speaker 8: True.
1:40:16
Speaker 2: It's a fair point. It's actually a fair point. Even
1:40:18
Speaker 2: he would probably think it in the beginning. He'd be like,
1:40:21
Speaker 2: some guys I'm sure were like, what the hell? What
1:40:23
Speaker 2: is going on? Could you imagine? Oh, God. 50s being like,
1:40:28
Speaker 2: I just want to suck my boss's dick so bad. Yeah.
1:40:31
Speaker 2: There's no one in the world you could turn to.
1:40:33
Speaker 2: And be like, look, man. I want to suck my
1:40:35
Speaker 2: boss's dick more than anything. Get the fuck out of
1:40:37
Speaker 2: here right now. People would beat your ass. Yeah, or
1:40:41
Speaker 2: people would just be like, no, you're crazy. You would
1:40:44
Speaker 2: have to think you're crazy because if you didn't even
1:40:46
Speaker 2: know about being gay, imagine you never even heard about
1:40:48
Speaker 2: being gay. Yeah. You just seen your parents and suddenly
1:40:52
Speaker 2: you're being gay, right? Yeah, dude. Or you look at
1:40:56
Speaker 2: like your brother, your neighbor, your male neighbor. God damn.
1:41:00
Speaker 2: And you just like kind of start fucking feeling some
1:41:02
Speaker 2: type of way about them. Yeah, man. Light a candle
1:41:05
Speaker 2: for no reason. It must have been crazy. I've never
1:41:11
Speaker 2: envied that, man. They used to do lobotomies to un-gay people.
1:41:15
Speaker 2: They used to do. Really?
1:41:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:41:17
Speaker 2: They would do lobotomies thinking that it could help them. Damn.
1:41:20
Speaker 2: Cut the gay part out. But so actually they did it.
1:41:22
Speaker 2: It was a positive thing. That article made it sound
1:41:24
Speaker 2: like it was negative, huh? Yeah, see, I could be wrong,
1:41:27
Speaker 2: but that's what it sounded like in order for them
1:41:28
Speaker 2: to get help. Or like if they want to, it's
1:41:31
Speaker 2: something you can bill. Is that right, Nick? Are we
1:41:33
Speaker 2: in the right field here of it? Yeah, I think
1:41:35
Speaker 2: Matt's right. But I do think people are just running
1:41:37
Speaker 2: with the headline and being like, Peru's... Peru's fucked up, yeah. Yeah,
1:41:41
Speaker 2: and then like the conservative side's like, fuck yeah, Peru.
1:41:44
Speaker 1: Right, people will just read the headline, that'll be it.
1:41:47
Speaker 1: And the conservatives are like, fuck yeah, Peru. Who was
1:41:50
Speaker 1: that speaker? They had a guy who was speaking yesterday.
1:41:52
Speaker 1: It was the kicker from.
1:41:54
Speaker 2: Harrison Bucker. Yeah, you see this? This was going around.
1:42:00
Speaker 2: He was speaking at a Catholic school, Benedict College.
1:42:03
Speaker 9: Congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of
1:42:07
Speaker 9: all that you have achieved to this point in your
1:42:09
Speaker 9: young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly
1:42:12
Speaker 9: because I think it is you, the women, who have
1:42:15
Speaker 9: had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many
1:42:18
Speaker 9: of you are sitting here now about to cross this
1:42:20
Speaker 9: stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles
1:42:23
Speaker 9: you are going to get in your career? Some of
1:42:26
Speaker 9: you may go on to lead successful careers in the world,
1:42:28
Speaker 9: but I would venture to guess that the majority of
1:42:30
Speaker 9: you are most excited about your marriage and the children
1:42:33
Speaker 9: you will bring into this world. I can tell you
1:42:36
Speaker 9: that my beautiful wife, Isabel, would be the first to
1:42:39
Speaker 9: say that her life truly started when she began living
1:42:42
Speaker 9: her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I'm
1:42:45
Speaker 9: on this stage today and able to be the man
1:42:48
Speaker 9: I am because I have a wife who leans into
1:42:51
Speaker 9: her vocation. I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God
1:42:55
Speaker 9: has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all
1:42:58
Speaker 9: of my success is made possible because a girl I
1:43:02
Speaker 9: met in band class back in middle school.
1:43:08
Speaker 2: Would convert to the faith. You love middle school, huh?
1:43:11
Speaker 2: And embrace one of the most important titles of all, homemaker. Okay.
1:43:18
Speaker 2: It's a kind of a sweet, heartfelt thing. It's just like,
1:43:21
Speaker 2: He may have. He should might have, you know, ran
1:43:23
Speaker 2: that by. I think it's a nice sentiment that he's
1:43:27
Speaker 2: trying to go for. But it's also like, dude. Well, he's. Yeah.
1:43:32
Speaker 2: He's saying that. Well, first of all, I do. I
1:43:37
Speaker 2: wonder if our school does it look at homemaking because
1:43:40
Speaker 2: we live. A lot of people are divorced now. People
1:43:42
Speaker 2: are raised with only one parent. Yeah.
1:43:44
Speaker 1: You know, my mother had to work all the time.
1:43:47
Speaker 1: you know your dad so then your mom has to
1:43:49
Speaker 1: do both jobs or your dad has to do both
1:43:50
Speaker 1: jobs a lot of times if you're not able to
1:43:52
Speaker 1: see both parents um it's not a safe place for
1:43:55
Speaker 1: even an animal to be raised with a single parent
1:43:58
Speaker 1: yeah and we promote it it feels like a lot
1:44:01
Speaker 1: with our society dude it's impossible.
1:44:03
Speaker 2: They used to do that social work school like there's
1:44:05
Speaker 2: no difference between having a single parent and two it's
1:44:06
Speaker 2: like yeah what the fuck are you talking about so
1:44:09
Speaker 2: different gigantic difference it's dude it'd be impossible if i
1:44:11
Speaker 2: had to raise kids by myself it's it's for real
1:44:14
Speaker 2: it's You can't, it's hard to do. I'm not going
1:44:15
Speaker 2: to say you can't do it, but it's like, it
1:44:18
Speaker 2: is so fucking hard. It's crazy.
1:44:21
Speaker 1: So, yeah, I don't think that this, I definitely understand where,
1:44:25
Speaker 1: this at a Christian college is Benedictine.
1:44:27
Speaker 2: It sounds like Christian. Okay. So it's not that crazy.
1:44:30
Speaker 3: Right.
1:44:31
Speaker 2: My thing, it's, it's kind of like, I do feel like,
1:44:35
Speaker 2: you know, people do hear, hate hearing this, but I,
1:44:37
Speaker 2: there is some truth to that in terms of like,
1:44:41
Speaker 2: I do think it's a, I just feel sad if
1:44:45
Speaker 2: a woman does, like, gets all, like, you know, has
1:44:47
Speaker 2: it jammed in her head that she has to, like,
1:44:49
Speaker 2: rise at a Fortune 500 company and slowly is like, damn,
1:44:52
Speaker 2: I kind of wish I had kids. Like, having kids
1:44:53
Speaker 2: is more meaningful than being, like, an insurance salesman. You
1:44:56
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? Like, in terms of experience. So, yeah,
1:44:58
Speaker 2: I feel like it's, like, it's a thing women have.
1:45:00
Speaker 2: It's an insecurity that if they don't work, they somehow
1:45:02
Speaker 2: have been brainwashed into, like, some old, like, you know,
1:45:07
Speaker 2: outdated value system that, like, they should fight against it. But,
1:45:09
Speaker 2: you know, in reality, I do think that a lot
1:45:12
Speaker 2: of women... you know, would probably like to not be
1:45:16
Speaker 2: at their job and like, you know, be at home
1:45:17
Speaker 2: doing stuff. It's a fucking, it is a job. It's
1:45:20
Speaker 2: a massive, insane undertaking. Well, it's a job that's being,
1:45:24
Speaker 2: that's not getting done right now. Yeah. It feels like
1:45:26
Speaker 2: in our country. Yeah, because it's almost like a, like, dude, women, like,
1:45:30
Speaker 2: they're allergic to, like, minivans. Like, if you show a
1:45:31
Speaker 2: woman a minivan, they'll spaz. Like, no, I'd never drive that.
1:45:34
Speaker 2: Then they'll drive, like, a crossover, which is just a
1:45:36
Speaker 2: fucking minivan in disguise. You can't tell them it's a minivan, though.
1:45:38
Speaker 2: You can't. They'll spaz. But there is something almost.
1:45:40
Speaker 1: Even at night, a crossover kind of, like, takes its
1:45:42
Speaker 1: fucking sides off and a minivan pops out as a cigarette. God.
1:45:47
Speaker 2: But, yeah, again, it's like. In uniform all day. Yeah,
1:45:50
Speaker 2: I would never tell a woman like you can't work. No,
1:45:52
Speaker 2: you can do whatever you want. Of course.
1:45:55
Speaker 1: Well, I also think some of it isn't over. Like
1:45:57
Speaker 1: there was a time where women like were abused in
1:46:00
Speaker 1: the workplace. They were taken advantage of.
1:46:02
Speaker 2: They were used for sex to get promotions. They were
1:46:05
Speaker 2: promised promotions and not given them. They had no– they
1:46:10
Speaker 2: would go to court, but the men in town had
1:46:12
Speaker 2: the power, and they would influence the judges. There was
1:46:14
Speaker 2: no– it's a fucking nightmare. It's been a nightmare for
1:46:17
Speaker 2: women to get the equality that they've needed to also
1:46:22
Speaker 2: to just have money, really, which was the power, right?
1:46:25
Speaker 1: It's definitely been a hell of a journey. But, yeah,
1:46:28
Speaker 1: I wonder sometimes if the pendulum will swing back some
1:46:31
Speaker 1: and you will have more women that are just like,
1:46:34
Speaker 1: I want to be a homemaker and I want to
1:46:37
Speaker 1: be a good mom and create a good household.
1:46:40
Speaker 2: And a lot of the women in our society, I
1:46:42
Speaker 2: think they're a reflection of men. You know, I think
1:46:46
Speaker 2: we don't realize that a lot of times. Like if
1:46:48
Speaker 2: your wife is happy, not all the time, but, you know,
1:46:52
Speaker 2: they're a reflection of of their life. Of men, you know,
1:46:57
Speaker 2: does it make any sense?
1:46:58
Speaker 4: It does.
1:46:59
Speaker 2: It makes total sense, man. Yeah. Like if you love
1:47:01
Speaker 2: your wife and you lift her up and you, you know, you,
1:47:04
Speaker 2: then she lives that way. Yeah.
1:47:07
Speaker 1: You know, and if as a father, you do that
1:47:09
Speaker 1: probably with your daughters, they live that way.
1:47:11
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, I always sometimes feel like they're a
1:47:18
Speaker 2: reflection of the men in their lives. Yeah. Yeah, it's true, man.
1:47:21
Speaker 2: It's hard to especially like, you know, with any job,
1:47:23
Speaker 2: it's just hard to like remember like, OK, yeah, you
1:47:25
Speaker 2: get so wrapped up in your job. You're like, oh,
1:47:27
Speaker 2: I have to like set up like a culture in
1:47:30
Speaker 2: this house and make sure everyone's OK and like do stuff.
1:47:32
Speaker 2: You get into a thing where you're just like, all right,
1:47:35
Speaker 2: I'm done my work. I'm going to go home. We're
1:47:36
Speaker 2: going to watch TV. We're going to chill. And I
1:47:38
Speaker 2: totally get that. But yeah, it's. It takes a lot
1:47:41
Speaker 2: of effort and no one's really incentivizing you toward that effort.
1:47:43
Speaker 2: Like with work, everyone's like, you know, they're dangling carrots
1:47:46
Speaker 2: over your face all, you know, all day long. But
1:47:47
Speaker 2: for having kids and like raising a family, it's totally
1:47:51
Speaker 2: up to you.
1:47:51
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:47:51
Speaker 2: To be like, here's how we're going to do this.
1:47:53
Speaker 2: And it's difficult. But I do think women got sold
1:47:56
Speaker 2: an idea that like they have to be kick ass
1:47:58
Speaker 2: business women. And like anything less than that is like
1:48:00
Speaker 2: a failure and like a disgrace for like the women's struggle.
1:48:03
Speaker 2: And it's like, well, I think that I think the
1:48:05
Speaker 2: women's struggle helped in people finding out like, oh, yeah,
1:48:07
Speaker 2: people were pretty miserable to women for a long time.
1:48:10
Speaker 2: you know, just let them do whatever they, whatever they
1:48:11
Speaker 2: really want to do. Let them do. I get why
1:48:14
Speaker 2: people are mad at that, but I still, am like,
1:48:16
Speaker 2: that's not a bad thing. And he genuinely thinks he's
1:48:18
Speaker 2: trying to help people, man. He's not trying to be
1:48:19
Speaker 2: like a dick, like stay at home, bitch. Yeah.
1:48:22
Speaker 1: At one point, Butker mentioned the word pride, then clarified
1:48:25
Speaker 1: that he wasn't talking about the deadly sin sort of
1:48:26
Speaker 1: pride that has an entire month dedicated to it, but
1:48:29
Speaker 1: the true God-centered pride that.
1:48:30
Speaker 2: Is cooperating with the Holy Ghost to glorify him.
1:48:33
Speaker 1: Okay, so he's just a devout Christian or Catholic maybe?
1:48:38
Speaker 1: I mean, the thing is about some of this, it's
1:48:40
Speaker 1: like you can't go to a devout Catholic and expect
1:48:46
Speaker 1: non-devout Catholic shit, you know?
1:48:48
Speaker 2: That's what I love about the way the media covers
1:48:50
Speaker 2: a lot of this stuff. It's like, yeah, most people
1:48:52
Speaker 2: might not agree with the guy or some people might not.
1:48:55
Speaker 2: But you can't go to a chocolate shop. And get
1:48:58
Speaker 2: pissed when somebody fucking gives you some chocolate. True. Yeah.
1:49:02
Speaker 2: That guy's a devout Catholic. Then that's what he believes.
1:49:06
Speaker 2: It's like... It was a safe space. He was in
1:49:07
Speaker 2: a safe space. And, you know, it's like if my
1:49:10
Speaker 2: dad sat in like a liberal safe space, he'd be incensed.
1:49:12
Speaker 2: He'd freak. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, he doesn't go there.
1:49:15
Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, I get it. It's like, dude, I...
1:49:18
Speaker 2: I get if you're gay, that would piss you off.
1:49:19
Speaker 2: But if you're not gay, you're like, whatever. And if
1:49:21
Speaker 2: you're like super Christian, you're like, fuck yeah. It all
1:49:23
Speaker 2: depends on like what you're up to. Right.
1:49:24
Speaker 1: There's people for everybody, you know, but we act like
1:49:27
Speaker 1: sometimes the media acts like there's not people for everybody
1:49:29
Speaker 1: in a way.
1:49:30
Speaker 2: They only want to create. But then that's their job. Yeah.
1:49:33
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm being a downer today. No, you're not being
1:49:35
Speaker 2: a downer. It is like I mean, we're having like
1:49:39
Speaker 2: there's a guy, Ken Wilber, who writes. I think it's
1:49:41
Speaker 2: like the best take on this I've ever heard about how.
1:49:44
Speaker 2: historically human beings have gone through just different levels of
1:49:47
Speaker 2: just consciousness, consciousness, where it's like, like originally the, the
1:49:52
Speaker 2: thing that like, uh, motivated humans, like the highest ideal
1:49:55
Speaker 2: is just being powerful and dominating others. Like if you're
1:49:57
Speaker 2: a Roman, if you're like, you know, uh, like Alexander
1:50:00
Speaker 2: the great, if you went and fucked up a whole
1:50:02
Speaker 2: bunch of people, you were like, you would be like,
1:50:05
Speaker 2: God loves me. This is awesome. And then we kind
1:50:07
Speaker 2: of evolved into like Christianity and all that, you know,
1:50:10
Speaker 2: whatever that was kind of like, actually, you know, we
1:50:12
Speaker 2: should be nicer to each other. And then we came
1:50:14
Speaker 2: up like, we should be nice to other Christians and
1:50:16
Speaker 2: like kind of fuck everybody else. And we went from like,
1:50:18
Speaker 2: they call it like power gods to mythic membership. And
1:50:21
Speaker 2: then for mythic membership to the scientific worldview. And they're
1:50:24
Speaker 2: saying the last one, the newest worldview has been this
1:50:27
Speaker 2: kind of like woke kind of video, like postmodern woke ideology.
1:50:30
Speaker 2: And now we have people at different levels of this
1:50:32
Speaker 2: and they're all just entrenched in their worldview and fighting
1:50:34
Speaker 2: each other. And he's like, it's just going to go on,
1:50:36
Speaker 2: you know, until people are just like, all right, fuck it.
1:50:38
Speaker 2: And they transcend all of them. Like, look, it's, You
1:50:40
Speaker 2: do your thing. I get it. I don't agree, but like,
1:50:42
Speaker 2: I don't hate you because of it.
1:50:44
Speaker 4: Yeah.
1:50:44
Speaker 2: That's the part.
1:50:44
Speaker 5: Yeah.
1:50:45
Speaker 1: I think hating people because of it's bizarre to me,
1:50:48
Speaker 1: but I'm not shot. Like a Christian guy at a
1:50:53
Speaker 1: Christian college said some really Christian shit.
1:50:56
Speaker 2: He did. So it's like that to me, it's not
1:50:58
Speaker 2: even fucking news. You know, it's like, let him be
1:51:01
Speaker 2: who he wants to be. You know, he said, I
1:51:03
Speaker 2: love my wife and I'm not gay. It's like, Yeah,
1:51:05
Speaker 2: that's for sure, dude. Right. Yeah. I'm not saying I
1:51:10
Speaker 2: agree with everything the guy says or anything, but let
1:51:11
Speaker 2: him speak. It's like, yeah, I think the guy should
1:51:14
Speaker 2: be able to speak. You said a little bit ago
1:51:17
Speaker 2: that you think there's like a wave, a faith wave
1:51:19
Speaker 2: that's starting up. I think so. Can I pee real quick?
1:51:20
Speaker 2: I'm about to. I for real might pee my pants
1:51:22
Speaker 2: on camera. Go pee. And we're almost done anyway. That
1:51:24
Speaker 2: was like a 5 a.m. pee, dude. That was like
1:51:26
Speaker 2: five minutes long. Amen. All right. Sorry about that. No worries.
1:51:31
Speaker 1: That was a good pee. I saw you in there.
1:51:33
Speaker 1: You were peeing, and I came in, and then when.
1:51:38
Speaker 2: I left, you were still peeing. I lapped you. Yeah,
1:51:40
Speaker 2: it was crazy. I was embarrassed about how long I
1:51:42
Speaker 2: was peeing for. I was like, come on, dude, hurry up. Yeah,
1:51:45
Speaker 2: there is that weird thing. It's so funny. You'll get
1:51:47
Speaker 2: embarrassed if you can't pee, and then you'll get embarrassed
1:51:50
Speaker 2: if you're peeing too long because people, even if you're
1:51:52
Speaker 2: standing there facing the urinal with your wiener, people will
1:51:55
Speaker 2: be like, that dude's taking a shit. Yeah, true. Like,
1:52:00
Speaker 2: this fucking dude is taking a shit. Or you'll think
1:52:03
Speaker 2: the people outside think you're taking a shit. Like, at
1:52:06
Speaker 2: what point do people think you're taking a shit? Look
1:52:08
Speaker 2: that up. Shitting in the urinal is crazy, too. That's
1:52:11
Speaker 2: a wild move. Shitting in the urinal is a insane move.
1:52:15
Speaker 2: It should be treason. You should get hung. Yeah, I mean, look.
1:52:18
Speaker 2: You should be shot by a firing squad. Well, no,
1:52:23
Speaker 2: it means you should be allowed to be a lifeguard, dude. Okay, obviously.
1:52:27
Speaker 1: According to Scientific American, mammals that weigh more than six
1:52:30
Speaker 1: and a half pounds, that's us, take about 21 seconds
1:52:33
Speaker 1: to urinate, plus or minus 13 seconds.
1:52:36
Speaker 2: Whoa, you see that last part? Oh, no, when you
1:52:39
Speaker 2: pass the stool, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter
1:52:42
Speaker 2: decreases tension in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to
1:52:45
Speaker 2: pass at the same time. Okay. What does that fact mean,
1:52:49
Speaker 2: that you can pee while you poop? I don't think
1:52:52
Speaker 2: you can, huh? I don't think, I've never done it.
1:52:57
Speaker 2: If you pee while you poop, the fucking cops will
1:52:59
Speaker 2: show up. Who does that? We're in Philadelphia? That's crazy.
1:53:04
Speaker 2: I've never heard anyone successfully do it. That's crazy, dude.
1:53:08
Speaker 2: If I, I would never do that, dude. Yeah, I
1:53:11
Speaker 2: live by a church, dude. They would know immediately when
1:53:13
Speaker 2: I went in there. They'd be like, yep, he did it.
1:53:18
Speaker 1: You were talking about faith, man. You think there's going
1:53:20
Speaker 1: to be like, people need something. I do think that,
1:53:25
Speaker 1: Not having faith is, there's something that's not helped people.
1:53:30
Speaker 1: The rest of this seems fucking aimless. Life starts to
1:53:34
Speaker 1: seem kind of aimless and purposeless. That's the thing.
1:53:37
Speaker 2: Yeah.
1:53:37
Speaker 3: Yeah.
1:53:37
Speaker 2: I don't, I honestly like, you know, it was like,
1:53:40
Speaker 2: like Bill Maher was all about this way back in
1:53:41
Speaker 2: the day when he did religious where he went around
1:53:43
Speaker 2: and like debated like conservative Baptist Christians down South and
1:53:48
Speaker 2: was like, you actually think a guy in the sky
1:53:50
Speaker 2: and it's like that whole argument is ridiculous, but it
1:53:53
Speaker 2: was cool to be atheistic. back when like there were
1:53:56
Speaker 2: still kind of like a stronghold of religion but now
1:53:58
Speaker 2: like we've lost it all and it's dude it's terrifying
1:54:01
Speaker 2: to be like we're just totally alone we're like a
1:54:03
Speaker 2: cosmic mistake that's just like here like a fucking amoeba
1:54:07
Speaker 2: just eating and shitting it's i think now that it's
1:54:12
Speaker 2: completely collapsed it'll get rebuilt in a i think a
1:54:15
Speaker 2: more thoughtful kind of way where it isn't like you
1:54:17
Speaker 2: know a literal interpretation if that's people's thing whatever But
1:54:20
Speaker 2: there's like, it's evolved a lot in terms of like
1:54:22
Speaker 2: the concept of God, what it could possibly mean, like
1:54:25
Speaker 2: the consciousness in the universe. There's just, and then like
1:54:27
Speaker 2: you take like the Eastern stuff that's kind of blending
1:54:29
Speaker 2: in and then you add YouTube, which is like now
1:54:32
Speaker 2: people can learn about anything and kind of reconceptualize their
1:54:35
Speaker 2: own connection to God rather than just kind of like
1:54:37
Speaker 2: being in Sunday school and, you know, and having someone
1:54:39
Speaker 2: just being like, this is how this works. Because there's like,
1:54:42
Speaker 2: With religion, and again, this is more just Ken Wilber stuff.
1:54:45
Speaker 2: He talks about there's like translative religions where it's like
1:54:47
Speaker 2: them telling- And he's a human being? Ken Wilber, yeah,
1:54:49
Speaker 2: he's a human being. He's doing his stuff. I think
1:54:51
Speaker 2: he's one of the smartest guys out there. Still alive? Yeah,
1:54:55
Speaker 2: he's still alive. I think he lives in Boulder. He's 75.
1:54:58
Speaker 2: But yeah, so he talks about- Love to meet him.
1:55:00
Speaker 2: Let's keep that on the list. Bro, he would be
1:55:02
Speaker 2: a fantastic get. But he talks about this, how a
1:55:05
Speaker 2: lot of the religion people grew up with here is
1:55:07
Speaker 2: like translative, where it's just kind of like, here's how
1:55:10
Speaker 2: the universe was built and here's what happened then. And like,
1:55:12
Speaker 2: it doesn't, there's no process toward like transforming yourself. He's like,
1:55:17
Speaker 2: there's translative and then there's transformative religion. A lot of
1:55:20
Speaker 2: the Eastern stuff is more about like transforming yourself, but
1:55:23
Speaker 2: then that, you know, whatever. So like, I think within,
1:55:25
Speaker 2: within here, if people can like kind of start to
1:55:27
Speaker 2: learn about, there are pathways to transform yourself over an
1:55:31
Speaker 2: entire lifetime to make you a more loving person. person
1:55:34
Speaker 2: and like, you know, you can tap it, whatever. I
1:55:36
Speaker 2: don't know. I'm like out of my element.
1:55:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, you sound insane a little, but I also think
1:55:41
Speaker 1: that you're a very smart guy and a super communicative guy, man.
1:55:45
Speaker 1: But I think, yeah, I think there is, it is getting,
1:55:48
Speaker 1: I was just joking.
1:55:49
Speaker 2: No, it's funny. It's very funny. And I do, I
1:55:51
Speaker 2: lose the thread hard on myself. Oh, I hate that, dude. Dude,
1:55:54
Speaker 2: it happens to me all the time. I swear, I'm like,
1:55:55
Speaker 2: I'm right there. It's the worst, bro. It's like when
1:55:58
Speaker 2: you tell people to come over, you're going to show
1:55:59
Speaker 2: them something and then there's nothing there. Yeah. but it's
1:56:02
Speaker 2: like 30 feet away. I can feel it. That's the problem.
1:56:05
Speaker 2: I can feel it. I just can't put it into words.
1:56:07
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude. Um, imagine how Biden feels in this
1:56:10
Speaker 2: fucking nothing. I make fun of him all the time.
1:56:13
Speaker 2: I'm just as bad as him. I'm like, uh, but
1:56:16
Speaker 2: they're like, when you do, you do learn about stuff
1:56:18
Speaker 2: like that.
1:56:18
Speaker 1: Imagine when he closes his eyes, he just see, it's
1:56:20
Speaker 1: just like a pigeon eating a caramel or whatever.
1:56:23
Speaker 2: There's nothing in there. It's crazy.
1:56:26
Speaker 1: He's, I was just being used obviously by the new
1:56:28
Speaker 1: Jim Henson, whoever those people are.
1:56:31
Speaker 2: Um, But, no, there is something about religion.
1:56:34
Speaker 1: There is something about, like, yeah, having faith, believing in
1:56:38
Speaker 1: something that's greater than us. And, yeah, I think maybe
1:56:40
Speaker 1: we get away from, like, the word– it's, like, not
1:56:43
Speaker 1: as locked into the words of things but more about
1:56:46
Speaker 1: the feeling and what it means to be human. And
1:56:50
Speaker 1: then also, like, if you use certain religions, if Christianity
1:56:54
Speaker 1: or Muhammadism or whatever is your– pathway to believe in faith,
1:56:59
Speaker 1: then that's just your, that's your pathway. You know, I
1:57:02
Speaker 1: think getting past the point of like thinking that no
1:57:05
Speaker 1: one else can have another pathway to like, um, that
1:57:08
Speaker 1: seems kind of outdated, you know.
1:57:10
Speaker 2: That's the Ken Wilber guy. So that's, that's an example
1:57:12
Speaker 2: of mythic membership where you're like, my group has absolute
1:57:16
Speaker 2: direct access to reality. Everyone else is wrong. And he says,
1:57:19
Speaker 2: what we're all get to eventually is called tier two
1:57:21
Speaker 2: thinking where you go, like, I can see where you're
1:57:23
Speaker 2: coming from. This is kind of my thing. I, when
1:57:25
Speaker 2: you're doing sick, we're all kind of doing, you know,
1:57:26
Speaker 2: the same thing in essence with like different, you know,
1:57:28
Speaker 2: we got like different clothes on in terms of our thoughts.
1:57:30
Speaker 2: We're all doing the same thing. But yeah, dude, it's like,
1:57:32
Speaker 2: there's like, dude, if without, I think if you're, if
1:57:34
Speaker 2: you're religious, like actually religious, like you'd have like a spirit,
1:57:37
Speaker 2: real spiritual connection. I think on average you live like
1:57:39
Speaker 2: eight years longer. Yeah. It's crazy. The study and the
1:57:42
Speaker 2: studies are just like irrefutable.
1:57:44
Speaker 1: Oh, well imagine just the only thing that you cared about.
1:57:47
Speaker 1: I mean, I even noticed as I get older, it's like,
1:57:49
Speaker 1: I don't have a family, right? I don't have a
1:57:51
Speaker 1: wife or children. Um, I'm at home sometimes and I'm like,
1:57:55
Speaker 1: what am I even doing?
1:57:57
Speaker 5: Yeah.
1:57:57
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've done that myself where you sit there and
1:57:59
Speaker 2: you're like, what am I going to do now? What
1:58:01
Speaker 2: is the purpose of any or what is like, like
1:58:04
Speaker 2: there's purposeful stuff that happens in moments and things to
1:58:07
Speaker 2: think about and enjoy.
1:58:08
Speaker 1: And I'm not being like a downer about myself. or
1:58:10
Speaker 1: about my life, but just like, well, yeah, what there isn't,
1:58:14
Speaker 1: there must be something greater than just this. And so, yeah,
1:58:18
Speaker 1: I think family helps you see that believing in something,
1:58:22
Speaker 1: getting up every day and believing that the universe cares
1:58:24
Speaker 1: about you. I think having a society that reflects that,
1:58:27
Speaker 1: that we care about each other and that we care
1:58:30
Speaker 1: about the universe and that it cares about us too,
1:58:33
Speaker 1: you know?
1:58:33
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's not that crazy to be like, like we're,
1:58:36
Speaker 2: we somehow consciousness emerged within our heads. Why would it
1:58:40
Speaker 2: not be something prevalent? Like, why would it not be
1:58:43
Speaker 2: in the universe itself? Like the universe at whole isn't conscious,
1:58:46
Speaker 2: but somehow out of unconsciousness, we have consciousness. Yeah. It
1:58:50
Speaker 2: gets real crazy. It is. It's total cap. It's fucking
1:58:53
Speaker 2: cap as fuck, dude. It's not that crazy. You think
1:58:55
Speaker 2: a universe that can't think made something that could think, dude?
1:58:58
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. And designed itself perfectly. It's unbelievable
1:59:02
Speaker 2: the way it's set up. Perfectly. So, yeah, that's, for me,
1:59:05
Speaker 2: the older I've gotten, I've been like, you know, and
1:59:08
Speaker 2: that's why they call it faith. It's like, I can't
1:59:09
Speaker 2: prove it, but it's like, I will definitely hedge my bets.
1:59:11
Speaker 2: I'm like, dude, the universe, it's also like, it's like
1:59:15
Speaker 2: an ant trying to explain Florida. Like, they can't. They
1:59:18
Speaker 2: can't comprehend Florida, but like. For some reason, humans have
1:59:21
Speaker 2: this inkling that there is something beyond themselves. And it's
1:59:24
Speaker 2: totally universal too. That's a good point, dude. Totally universal
1:59:28
Speaker 2: in human beings throughout pretty much all of time. Yeah,
1:59:31
Speaker 2: you'd have to– how could you trick?
1:59:33
Speaker 1: You could never– and it's not even like– I don't
1:59:34
Speaker 1: even know a ton about religion. But if I look
1:59:36
Speaker 1: up at the fucking sky at night, I feel like
1:59:40
Speaker 1: there's something happening here.
1:59:42
Speaker 2: Exactly. What it is ain't exactly clear. Exactly. You go,
1:59:48
Speaker 2: I am that sky. There's a man with a gun
1:59:51
Speaker 2: over there. And now we're back in Philadelphia. Guys, Matt McCusker.
1:59:56
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, man. Dude, congratulations. Everybody loves you
2:00:01
Speaker 2: so much. I'm so grateful that you and Shane have
2:00:02
Speaker 2: each other and have been on this journey together. And yeah,
2:00:07
Speaker 2: just thanks for coming and spending time with us today, man.
2:00:09
Speaker 2: Thanks for having me, man.
2:00:10
Speaker 4: Awesome.
2:00:10
Speaker 2: Thank you. Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and
2:00:14
Speaker 2: I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh,
2:00:23
Speaker 2: but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace
2:00:27
Speaker 2: of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones.