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Whose Goal Is This? · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: One of my clients brought me a line today from one of their favorite authors.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was this.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not doing the things you need to do, maybe you just don't want it enough.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think that question starts one step too late.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Mark Walker.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I created this show for people who carry a lot and still feel they need to wait to feel better on the inside.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: These are real stories sharing simple tools with no fluff.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into it.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: I was really fortunate to spend this past weekend down in Kansas City.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Kansas City, Missouri, for all the people I was with.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was lectured on what Kansas City, Kansas, and Kansas City, Missouri was.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: But thinking about the teachings that I received from my teacher and being in the room with him as he reminded us about a lot of things.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing that I took away and wrote down in my notebook was we need to simplify what really matters to us in this life.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I see this again and again in conversations with people, with teams and managers and leaders, and moms and dads.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: But we assume so much that the important things in life sit outside of us.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Those tasks or chores, those events, you could say, that happen in our lives.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But in all honesty, there's something deeper and more lasting and even more important that can get lost along the way when we focus only on the external events and things and the roles and the goals.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think we need to give it credit.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the line, right?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: What if we aren't doing the things we need to do?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we just don't want it enough.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think it is a good question and it's a fair question.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of drives at our motivation and maybe our information diet.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking of myself, whether it's writing or getting the next podcast out or reaching out to teams and people that would like to visit and connect.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: But there's something deeper at play here.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's a great question on the surface about the things we want to create in our lives.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that upstream from that question, I should say upstream from that question, there's a deeper, more important question, in my view.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this why do we want it at all?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why does it matter to us to even want it?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that I've struggled with for many, many years.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Am I living somebody else's life?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Am I striving to reach someone else's goal?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Was it what is it?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Was it ever mine to begin with?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a cost here that we forget.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: When we start to decide and convince ourselves, or beat ourselves up, or discourage ourselves.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I don't want it enough, so I must be flawed or mistaken.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's something inherently wrong with me.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we can turn those delays or those hesitations into a personal defect, something that we can't fix, something that's wrong with us, a flaw.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, in the line of work that I've been doing the past few years, nine out of ten people I meet will not step into the rooms or into the arenas, you could say, that are most important to their growth.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: You were not immune to that, and I am certainly not immune to it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's good to say this out loud as an admission to ourselves, not something we need to lecture or hate or reduce ourselves to some type of inner shame.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But there's something really important, I think, that goes on all the time that we forget.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And there was something that I was reminded again and again from this weekend of meditation teachings and practice.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's this, it's death and permanence.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's the brevity of our life, our life force.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many things that can end our life from disease and accidents.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: When we get lost in our life, in a sense, we forget that the sand and the hourglass is still falling every moment, every day.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Our lives are finite things.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: But we start to convince ourselves, or even inhabit that mind, that I'm permanent, I'm concrete, I'll be here for a long time.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this great saying from the Dharma that life is impermanent, but it also says this.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see if I can find it is death is certain, but the time of death is uncertain.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: When we kind of feel that, we don't need to make it into a horror movie in our mind or use that as another way to beat ourselves up or lecture ourselves.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But it makes it worthwhile when we slow down and ask ourselves that deeper why.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's worth asking.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Who are we to want it in the first place?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And why is it important to us at all?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love to just share this simple, quick tool that you could take away from this podcast and just walk through these three questions.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can pull out a piece of paper, or if you're out for a walk or driving, just consider these as we walk through or as I speak through them.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the tool, three questions.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, name it.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Finish the sentence out loud for yourself or on paper.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: I keep telling myself I don't want blank enough.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: I keep telling myself I don't want blank enough.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: What is that for you?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Take a moment, pause, write it down, or consider it.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: The second question is this ask why twice.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I want it?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Answer that in one simple sentence.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I want it?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then continue by asking yourself, why does that matter to me?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Again, pause or slow down here, and ask yourself, why do you want it?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And why does it matter to you?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then the third question is this ask whose it is.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, is this my goal?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or is this someone else's expectation or some scorecard someone else gave me to keep?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whose is this?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Is this mine or somebody else's?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then take the time at the end of this tool, these three questions, to keep them, to reshape them, or just let them go.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let this demand of yourself let it go.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Even just drop, let that verdict drop away from you, especially the one that talks about how you are flawed or mistaken or there's something inherently wrong with you.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: And instead, just state it in one plain sentence what you found out about yourself through those three questions.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you had time to practice now and pause, great.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll challenge you, take five or 10 minutes this week, put some pen to paper and think about those things that you keep telling yourself you need to do, or the things that you aren't wanting enough for yourself.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank you for spending your time with me here on Fierce Encouragement today.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: If this is something that inspired you, please take some time and share it with a friend or a colleague.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you would love to talk this through with me, I offer coaching conversations or even a quick coffee chat.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: The link is in the show notes.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you once again for spending your time.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, please be kind to yourself along your journey and keep encouraging yourself in a very fierce positive way.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Bye bye.