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When no one appreciates how hard you work · The Christian Homemaking Podcast: Simply Convivial with Mystie Winckler

• 0:00
  Well, October is just chugging right along as we went past the
• 0:05
  halfway point, and now we are, um, we're j- we're just still doing it.
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  Here we are doing October.
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  So today's topic is when no one appreciates how hard you work,
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  and this is one of those areas where we can become discontent as
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  wives and mothers and homemakers.
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  Um, the work is, um, all-consuming.
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  There is so much work to do, and we can think of a lot of ways that
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  people could support us or help us feel better or pitch in and help, and
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  we don't see those things happening.
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  And so we start a little internal pity party for ourselves instead of
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  maybe asking for help in a cheerful, you know, non- argumentative or, you
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  know, harsh way or an accusatory way, but, you know, maybe just asking.
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  Um, we-- When, when we get these kind of self-pity stories in our
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  systems, we, we do derive a, a kind of comfort and coping from them.
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  Like, we're getting something out of it.
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  And so we have to recognize, um, what's really going on, and notice when we
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  can tell a different kind of story.
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  Notice different sets of facts, and recognize maybe when we are spinning
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  an interpretation of the facts in such a way that we're allowed to feel sorry
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  for ourselves, especially in today's culture where it is just the default
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  to assume the status of a victim, where, well, the situation and the
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  other people are making it difficult.
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  It's not me, it's the circumstances.
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  It's the other people, and then that means that there's nothing I can do about it.
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  But there is always something that you can do.
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  There is always a path of faithfulness, and sometimes the interpretation
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  that we spin with certain circumstances and people isn't true.
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  It isn't charitable.
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  It isn't, uh, an interpretation of the events in keeping with how
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  God wants His people to think and relate to other people Um Yes.
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  So we, we do derive comfort from feeling sorry for ourselves.
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  And that's not a healthy kind of comfort.
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  That's not a comfort that brings connection with other people.
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  In fact, it's, it is a turning into self kind of comfort that cuts us
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  off from better connection with those people who we can get support from, our
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  husbands, our kids, friends, family.
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  Um, no one can read our minds.
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  Although it gets easier to read our minds when, um, it buil- when a
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  discontent builds and builds and makes us increasingly irritated and dissatisfied.
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  That becomes evident on our face and in our demeanor.
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  But then that's actually off-putting, right?
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  So the results from self-pity and the kind of, um, internal self-centered
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  comfort that that brings cuts us off from the people who we
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  say we would like support from.
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  And we're more likely to become that dripping faucet or the nagging wife
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  because the internal spin and the self-centered spin that we've put on
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  our circumstances and other people's actions is not godly is not in keeping
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  with how God wants us to think about others or relate to our circumstances
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  or his providence in our lives.
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  Like, are we praying about this?
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  Are we being charitable and putting the best spin on other people's choices?
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  Or are we looking for more ways to make a case for our own self-pity?
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  And that kind of comfort that we derive from the self-pity story is
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  not lasting, is not beneficial, is not gonna take us good places And so we
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  need to recognize it and confess it.
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  We need to confess feeling sorry for ourselves and ask God to give us humility
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  and grace and the comfort of His Holy Spirit and not-- so that we don't look
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  for our own little self-pity comfort, but we get real comfort from the Holy Spirit,
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  which will then turn us outward and help us joyfully serve And then we will be
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  living in light of scripture, which is, "He who waters will himself be watered."
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  Right?
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  If we're looking for other people to appreciate us or do something
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  w- we're-- say, "I just need my cup filled," or, "I just need this, I
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  need that," we are noticing that we, we do have needs, and that's true.
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  But God has given ways for th- our own neediness to be filled, and so
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  we need to not be looking for how we think it ought to be filled or
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  what other people ought to be doing.
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  Are we doing what we ought to, to be doing and accepting the living
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  water that is available to us?
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  Are we reading the Bible every day?
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  Are we praying every day?
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  Are we serving others in love in the normal, mundane work that doesn't
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  feel rewarding in the moment?
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  These are actually ways that the Lord feeds us.
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  Going to church on Sunday.
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  God has provided ways for us to be filled, and He has told us about them in His Word.
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  Are we filling our minds with scripture, meditating on God's Word, or are we
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  meditating on how things are not the way that we would like them to be?
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  And we will be happy, we will be content, we will be joyful after, you know, this,
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  that, and the other thing fall into place.
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  Like, well, that's not the way God says it's going to work.
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  We have to confess discontent and disgruntlement and complaining
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  hearts, which are usually underneath the veneer of self-pity, right?
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  The, the cover of self-pity, feeling sorry for ourselves allows us to see
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  ourselves as the victim who can't help but feel a certain way And so we're-- So
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  it's a protection around discontent and complaining, and it allows us to call
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  it by another name that makes it seem inevitable and definitely less offensive.
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  But the cover is just a veneer, and the heart of discontent is
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  always going to produce more sin, more ugliness, more brokenness.
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  And we have to confess that and practice contentment in our current
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  circumstance, not, "I will be content after this person does this thing
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  they ought to be doing," or, you know, we set up our little requirements
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  that we think we need to be happy.
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  But if we have Christ, we have all we need for joy And so, and
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  then we wanna work with joy.
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  And the joy of the Lord is our strength.
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  The joy of the Lord is ours in the Holy Spirit And if we aren't feeling it, it's
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  because our sin is cutting us off from it.
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  And so we need to ask the Holy Spirit to convict us of our sin and then
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  repent of it so that we can rejoice.
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  And a part of rejoicing is going forth and doing the good work that God has
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  created a- and has set before us to walk in, and we just keep doing that on repeat.
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  This is the life of sanctification that God has given us.
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  And sometimes the good work is just doing the laundry and making dinner,
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  and we would like something grander than that, but that's what the day is about.
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  And so can we contentedly do that And then can we humbly,
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  you know, let our husbands know?
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  Like, I will sometimes just point out what I did.
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  'Cause like I'm not expecting my husband to just notice on his own.
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  It's actually, isn't, isn't it better if he doesn't notice?
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  Because that means it's like normal, and so he doesn't notice or remark
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  upon it 'cause it's actually normal.
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  So, you know, I'll just be kind of childlike sometimes and say, "Ta-da,"
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  and be silly and, you know, invite that recognition that I was hoping for.
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  But you know, it is kind of a childlike, silly need and, but if
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  I would like some, I can ask for it in the spirit that it really is in.
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  And but that takes humility, you know, not being self-serious or feeling
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  self-pity and, and acknowledging like, "Yeah, this is, you know, what I feel
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  I need right now, and I'm just going to ask for, I'm just gonna ask for a hug."
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  I'm not gonna pout my way into hoping he recognizes I need a hug.
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  I can just ask for one.
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  And if I ask, he's gonna give me one.
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  I, you know?
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  But I could get all in my head and do a little pouty face or whatever
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  hoping to make it clear what I need and have him give it to me.
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  And then when he doesn't, I start spinning an interpretation story
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  about what that must mean that is completely false And unkind.
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  And really, it's in my own head and heart, slander against my husband
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  or my children or whatever, because I'm, I'm fishing for something, not
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  getting it, and making that mean something that it doesn't mean at all.
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  And all of this can just be spinning in our heads.
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  You know, the more hormonal, the more it spins.
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  And we just have to recognize that and cut to the chase and be willing
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  to be honest with ourselves, and then with the people around us.
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  And ask for the hug and take it.
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  Or ask for a pat on the back and take it.
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  And, um, and not spin things up into meaning more than they really mean
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  Sarah says, "When I was a child, I saw this martyr from others, and
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  then as a young wife, I had to tell myself that it was not allowed.
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  I could do the job or not, but I couldn't blame someone else
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  for not noticing and doing it."
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  Right?
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  It's like, why didn't so and so, you know, clear the table or whatever?
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  And it's like, sure, maybe they should have.
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  But if you noticed, you could take care of it or you could bring it up.
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  Um, you know?
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  We don't need to make things mean something that they might not
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  Yes.
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  Juliana says, "If I'm setting up requirements, I find I never end up
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  content because no one is perfect enough.
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  It's a dangerous trap."
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  Yes Singing.
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  Singing is a huge help for our attitudes and our mindset and
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  walking in that joy of the Lord.
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  Yes.
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  Constantly telling my kids to just ask because I'm not a mind reader, and it's a
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  good reminder that I need to just ask too.
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  Yes
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  So when you feel like you're doing a lot for other people and no one's appreciating
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  the work that you do, try asking what other people are doing for you that you're
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  not appreciating, and turn it around.
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  Like, if you want the thanks and the appreciation, the notice of
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  someone else, flip it around and give appreciation and notice and gratitude
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  to God and to the people around you.
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  He who waters will himself be watered.
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  And usually what we are wanting from other people is actually what
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  we ourselves need to be giving
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  And it will totally, it will get you out of yourself to notice and appreciate
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  other people And, um It changes our perspective, it gets us out of ourselves,
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  and can really lift our attitude
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  That's right.
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  Megan says, "I have to remind myself, love and serve like Jesus.
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  He probably didn't get recognition either."
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  Right?
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  The more he did, the more people wanted
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  So we're gonna keep organizing our attitudes.
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  I hope that you've made some alignment cards and you're reviewing those, and
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  you're noticing these sad pity party stories that you're telling yourself.
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  And we're gonna practice flipping the script, replacing it with truth, replacing
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  it with living out the gratitude, and it makes all the difference.
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  So thank you for joining me today.
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  We will keep repenting, rejoicing, repeating.
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  We have one more Monday live like this, and, uh, we'll continue to have
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  content, new episodes coming out Tuesday through Friday for the next two weeks.
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  And, um, I would really appreciate it if you would share those episodes.
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  You can share the links through YouTube or whatever podcast
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  app you're listening through.
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  Um, and we'll keep organizing our attitudes this October.
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  So thanks for joining me, everyone.