Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Mel Robbins Talks 'Let Them Theory;' Career Journey, AI & Social Media Effects, Mental Health +More

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INTERVIEW: Mel Robbins Talks 'Let Them Theory;' Career Journey, AI & Social Media Effects, Mental Health +More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: Everybody is thej Envy, just hilarious charlamage the guy. We
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: are the Breakfast Club. Law La Rosa is here as well,
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: and we got a special guest in the building. Ladies
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: and gentlemen, Meil Robbins.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Welcome.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: Hey, it's good to see you. How you feeling warning,
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: I feel great.
• 0:20
  Speaker 4: How are you doing Bles's Black and Holly favorite. This
• 0:23
  Speaker 4: is your first time in this studio. You were here
• 0:25
  Speaker 4: in twenty twenty one when you had.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: A high five theory.
• 0:27
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, but now millions of books later, number one
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: podcast in the world right now.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Congratulation six year old woman.
• 0:37
  Speaker 4: You know it really feels like you've truly arrived. What
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: do you what do you think?
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: You know? The success? What's made all this new success happen?
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: Well, you know it's not new success. Like what you're
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: seeing is the result of fifteen years of just boring,
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: grueling daily reps. Like That's what nobody wants to understand,
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: is that you can be successful. You can achieve anything
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: you want. You just have to be patient. You have
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: to get up out of bed every single day and
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: put one foot in front of the other. You got
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: to be willing to do the things you don't feel
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: like doing in the dark when nobody's watching, and when
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: you think that it's not gonna happen for you. That
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: is what it's about. It's about just consistent, small moves,
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: being patient. I mean, there were so many times where
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: I was just like, am I ever gonna get out
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: of it? Is anyone ever gonna notice? Like? Am I
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: ever gonna get invited to the breakfast club? Like one
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: of the like when is somebody gone to notice your
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: spot that you wanted? Well? No, but seriously, like you
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: kind of sit there because I mean every one of
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: us have had those moments, whether you're putting out music
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: or you're starting a YouTube channel or you started a business,
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: and it's so easy to look around at what everybody
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: else is doing and think that you're losing some race
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: in life. The real game is with yourself. Can you
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: keep going? Can you say to yourself? And this is
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: kind of how I would keep myself going in those moments.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: I would say, I refuse to believe that this is
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: how the story ends. I believe that at some point
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: all of this work is going to pay off. I
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: don't have to know how I have to believe that
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: it will. And if it hasn't yet, it's not meant
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: to yet. There's some lesson. There's something I'm being held
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: for that I don't know what it is. But if
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: I choose to believe in this moment that things are
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: going to get better, that things are going to turn
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: out for me, that all this hard work is going
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: to pay off, that trying to be a better person
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: is going to pay off, at some point I will
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: look back on my life and say, oh, that's why
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: it didn't happen. Then, Oh, that's why it took longer.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Oh that's why either you weren't ready or God the
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: universe was holding you for a different moment. And so,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: you know, a lot of people ask me, what is
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: this moment about. I think it's about fifteen years of
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: ridiculously hard work becoming a better person. I think it's
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: about fifteen years of just chipping away at getting out
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: of debt and doing better in my marriage and in
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: a better mother, and get in control of my emotions
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and my mental health, chipping away at building a business.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: And I truly believe that I was being held for
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: this moment like this one thousand percent is my legacy.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Well, let me ask you a question.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Mal you talk about the reps YEP for you.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: It worked out and successful and great.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: What about that person that is just not good?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: That rap of that is not good? Like trying that
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: podcast person that is doing the podcast that is just
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: not good and everybody takes good good to anybody?
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't, I see, I don't believe that.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: And but when do you stop because you're a sixty
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: year old rapper like you know I mean?
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  Speaker 3: Or maybe why can there be a ninety one ninety
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: year old one? See? Maybe what the rapping is for
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: is maybe it's not about rapping. Maybe there is something
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: that you're doing when you are rapping and nobody's coming
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: that is teaching you a lesson about patience. Maybe what
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: it's doing is teaching you to believe in your when
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: nobody else does. And every time that you show up
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: and nobody's there, every time you post a video on
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: your YouTube channel that only your uncle and your son
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: are subscribed to, every time you post, you're basically saying,
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: you know what, screw the world, I believe in myself.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: I'm doing this for myself. And maybe you're not gonna
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: be a rap.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: And I think that's the key that you said. I
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: think you know with the podcast explosion, everybody did a podcast.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Everybody's mama did a podcast, everybody's grandma did a podcast.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: But I think the reason that people have done it,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: and I think people can see through it, is a
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: lot of people did it for financial Yes, they seen
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: the money that people were making and said I want
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: to jump on that train, or they seen the money
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: that rappers were making and I wanted to jump through
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: that train. So it doesn't matter if you're doing it
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: not for the right reason. I don't think it might
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: not never connect because your intentions aren't there.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: But hold on a second. See, I actually believe everybody
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: has woven into your DNA, this intelligent design and this
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: kind of energy. Yes that is either pulling you toward
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: things or repelling you from other things. That we are natural, energetic,
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: magnetic beings. And this isn't just some woo woo garbage
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: like there is hard science, not my science, but neuroscientists
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: that will tell you that everything is physics and energy.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Like the words if you're hearing us speaking right now,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: what you are you're watching us the words coming out
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: of my mouth are being translated through energy into your ears.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: And so you are a being that is wired to
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: align with things that are meant for you and to
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: reject things that aren't. I mean, you know, like if
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: you walk in a room and you immediately connect with
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: somebody that's alignment. If you walk into a room, you're like, oh,
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: let's give that person some space because you can read
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: the energy that's alignment. And so for me, when you
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: give the example of like the person who's a rappers,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: just terrible. Just there's lots of people out there doing
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: stuff they're just terrible. What I love is that they
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: felt called to do something. I don't care if they
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: felt called to do it because they want to make
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: more money. I mean, hell, I was working five six
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: jobs back, you know, fifteen years ago when we were
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: eight hundred thousand dollars in debt because I needed groceries
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: on the table, I needed gas in the tank. And
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: so motivation to be safe and to make money or
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: because of your ambition, that's a beautiful thing. But at
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: some point you're gonna go, I'm not that good at this,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: but I believe, and this is what I think is
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: super cool. About life. Absolutely, every experience that you have
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: in life is leading you somewhere and teaching you something.
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: And I'm gonna one of the reasons why I share
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: so much about what I've learned and the mistakes that
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: I've made. I'm like the villain in every book, is
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: because I'm stubborn, Like it takes a sledgehammer from the
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: universe for me to wake the hell up and stop
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: doing something like I literally get so into my groove,
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: whether it's drinking too much or taking my stress out
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: on my kids or being a jealous, insecure friend that
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: things have to backfire for me to wake up and go, well, yes,
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  Speaker 3: I better try something different.
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: So when you were in bed stuck at that lowest moment,
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: when you was in debt, what was that pivotal realization?
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: What was that sledge handle? Because I remember you saying
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: that you had the realization that nobody was coming to
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: save What did it feel like to face that truth.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: It's very similar to that moment that you told me
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: about with the steel toilet. See, you're one decision away
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  Speaker 3: from a different life, and you can make that decision
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  Speaker 3: any moment, any day, like you could make a decision
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  Speaker 3: today that changes the trajectory of your life, because a
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: decision turns you in a different direction. Anybody that has
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: gotten sober, anybody that's quit a job, anybody that's left
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: a relationship or moved. You know what I'm talking about,
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: That there is a decision and typically I don't know
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: how it works for you, But for me, I have
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: to get so sick of where I am that I'm like,
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: I'm done, like enough of this smell. And for me,
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: that moment, you know, was two thousand and eight. We
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt, I was unemployed,
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: my husband's right strump business was going under. Three kids
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: under the age of ten, and I was drinking myself
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: into the ground. I couldn't get out of bed. And
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: I think that what's interesting about life is even in
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: moments where you're struggling, you kind of know the things
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: you could do right. You kind of know when you're
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: not like doing things to help yourself, you kind of know,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: Like I knew you should get out of bed, I
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: knew I should stop drinking. I knew I should look
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: for a job. Wasn't doing any of it because I
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: didn't feel like it. I had lost hope. I was
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: kind of in this mode. And this is what I
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: also believe you and I talked about this when you
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: know you were on my podcast that I think the
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: single biggest thing in people's way, it's not a lack
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: of skills, it's discouragement. If you don't believe that the
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: simple things are going to work for you, you're not
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: going to do it. And that's where I was. I
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: was like, why even bother getting out of bed? I'm
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: about to lose this house and my marriage and my sanity,
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: everything I care about. Why why bother? And you know
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: my moment the decision was. I saw this rocket ship
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: one night when I was drunk on bourbon, and it
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: gave me this idea that maybe maybe I should launch
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: myself out of bed. Maybe if I moved fast enough
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: in the morning, I wouldn't be in the bed when
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: the depression and the anxiety hit. And so the next
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: morning it was a it was a Tuesday morning in
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: February two thousand and eight. The alarm went off and
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I remembered that stupid rocket launch idea, and for whatever reason,
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I just started counting backwards like Nasada's five four, three
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: two one, and then I got out of bed, and
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: that was the beginning of a completely new life because
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: it was like that first domino that tips, and it
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: gave me this thought, oh wait a minute, I can
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: actually make myself do things that I don't feel like doing. Huh.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: And you know, the truth is when people ask me, okay,
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: you're having a moment, that was what it were. The
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: math is like what fifteen years ago, sixteen years ago.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: It took me sixteen years from that moment to get
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: to where you are now. It took me sixteen years
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: of pushing my ass out of bed every day. It
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: took me sixteen years of taking a breath and not
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: screaming at my kids. It took me sixteen years of
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: showing up and doing things when nobody was paying attention
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: and learning, you know, from every little thing, and sixteen
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: years of saying, one of these days, all this hard
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: work is going to pay off. One of these days,
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: I'm going to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: One of these days I'm going to like help people
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: that are struggling and that felt as bad as I did,
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: know that they're not alone. One of these days I'm
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: going to actually like myself instead of constantly hating myself
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: and trashing myself for all the things I think I
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: did wrong.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: You know, in Charch we call that a testimony, So
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: it's like God put you through all of those trials
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: and you would have a testimony for this moment.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: Yes, and the true skill other than like, I think
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: there's two incredible skills that I developed during this period
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: of my life. The first one is teaching myself that
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: if you just do the things you don't want to do,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: you will have everything you ever wanted. I'm gonna say
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: that again, if you just do the things you do
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: not want to do, you will have everything you have
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: ever wanted.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Expound on that well, I mean.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Think about it, like, if you want to make a
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: million dollars, here's my recommendation. Go to chat GTP and
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: type in how do I make a million dollars in
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: the next two years? Give me a day by day
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: plan that I can execute in fifteen minutes, and it
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: will probably teach you step by step how to launch
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: a business online and get into affiliate marketing. And if
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: you actually do those things, you will have a million
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: dollars in the bank. There are formulas for everything you
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: want in life, to lose weight, to find love, to
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: heal your formulas everywhere far love. Oh, of course, Lauren,
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: you try that one.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: That ain't gonna work for you, Lauren, I'm good, Yes
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: it is.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Do not put discourage.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: I don't even engage in conversation with neg I just
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: let them.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I want to go back to something that you just said,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: because it's true.
• 11:50
  Speaker 4: Right, somebody out there listening to you and they was like,
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: that ain't gonna work, And that's exactly why you're not gonna.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Get it correct. Of course, that's exactly why you're correct.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: And so here's the other thing I want to tell you.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: That really is a skill that really helped me. So
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: if you look backwards at your life, you can see
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: every twist and turn and every experience, even the ones
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: you didn't deserve, even the ones that were not your fault.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: You can look in the rear view mirror and actually
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: see how it all led you here, and that there
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: were lessons or things that led you here. The skill
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: that I want you to understand that you also have
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: is that you could actually stand in this moment, no
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: matter how horrible it is, and you can say I
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: choose to believe that in the future, I am going
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: to get a point where there is a bigger possibility
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: for myself in my life that I can't even imagine
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: for myself right now. But I choose to believe that
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: I will get to that point fifteen years from now,
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: ten years from now, and I will look back on
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: this low moment where I didn't believe and I will
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: go that's why, that's why that happened.
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: Do you believe that? So you believe that every single
• 13:04
  Speaker 5: person has that in them or not has it in them?
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: Because I believe that. But do you believe that every
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: single person at some point in their life will unlock that?
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: No?
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: Okay, because for me when I am reading through this,
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: a lot of what you're saying is common sense stuff.
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: But I think even when you think about if you
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: have a friend group and there's two people who are
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: really successful and two people that aren't, the difference is
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: just what they choose to actually do this book, If
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: I'm a person at choosing not to do that, how
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: does your book stop that? Like that's a habit, that's a.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a great question. So there's two things about that.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: So if you're in a friend group and you got
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: two people who are successful and two people aren't. One
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: thing I do want to validate because I do think
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: in like kind of in culture, there's this myth that
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: everybody's got the same resources. Not everybody has the same resources.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: So you might be in a friend group, or there's
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: two people that ended up not having college debt, so
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: they started at a different starting line, and so there
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: might be things that are actually real things that contributed
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: to somebody's success. Added to though, is a huge piece
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: of it, because I do believe, especially in today's world
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: with technology and with the amount of information out there,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: that if you commit yourself to learning new skills and
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: to just chipping away at it and continuing to show up.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: There are so many people on this planet, there is
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: enough success for you, and you can figure it out
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: over time if you keep chipping away at it. And
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: so you know, the question is what's in it? In
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: this book? The let them theory is going to help
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: you because if you're tired, if you're overwhelmed, if you're
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: feeling like you keep trying and nothing is clicking, the
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: problem isn't you. The problem is you unknowingly give all
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: of your power to other people. You give power to
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: what people say, how they feel, their expectations, what they're doing.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: And when you care more about what other people think
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: and when you are navigating life based on what other
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: people's expectations are, down from you look first line. There
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: you go.
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: Yes, that's the biggest thing that for me with this book,
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: I was like saying that when it's in a book,
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: I listen.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Let them think bad thoughts. Oh, I want to just
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: set it up about the book.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Man.
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: There's some books that I believe are must reads in life.
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: To let them Theory by Mel Robbins has been added
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: to that must readless. My wife got it for me
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: a few weeks ago, and the book is just essentially
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: about how you have to stop wasting your life on
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: things that you can't control.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: When did you get to that rebels?
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, fifty four. I am a learner, you know.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: And and the funny thing is is I'm married to
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: the chillest dude on the plan. I mean, I'm married
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: to a man who is not only Buddhist, he is
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: a death duela. And like when you want to talk
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: about like a person, yeah that can just sit in
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: stillness I'm like a tornado of emotion, and so I've
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: always wanted to let things go. I've always wanted to
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: not care what people think. I've never known how. And see,
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: when you're stressed, or you're easily offended like I used
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: to be, or you have a lot going on, it
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: is very hard to not get wrapped up and what
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: other people are thinking and doing. It's very hard to
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: not let what your kids are going through stress you out.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: And so you know, I've been trying to do this forever.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: I mean, this is not a new idea. The serenity
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: prayer is the let Them theory. In fact, you know,
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: I sat down with doctor Martin Luther King the third
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: and his wife and Andrea, and they both said, we
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: write about it in the let Them Theory. They both
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: reflect on the fact that this concept that you have
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: to give up control in order to gain control, that
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: your power is in your response. That this is part
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: of doctor Martin Luther King Junior's legacy because your response
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: is what dictates who you are. It's not what's happening
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: out there, it's how you respond to it with your
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: thoughts and your actions and how you process your own
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: emotions and so I did not know this until I
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: was fifty four years old. And you know, for me
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: personally the power of these two words, because let them
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: We've all said let them in our lives a bazillion times.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's a sermonslating it's twenty years old, Dad
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Jakes doing this let them sermon. So this is a
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: concept that has been around since the beginning of time,
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: and that's why this is resonated. I'm not teaching you
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: something new. I'm reminding you of what you already know
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: to be true, and I'm handing you this tool so
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: you can snap out of this crap where we're constantly
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: worked up about what other people are doing to take
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: their power back.
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: You talk about managing other people a lot, and I've
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: never heard the term put like that, but you use
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: it to basically talk about how we're so what you're
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: talking about r now, we're worried about other people, but
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: also too, I think it's expectations of other people that
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: we're trying to we're making decisions based around that a lot.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: When did you realize this whole scale of like managing
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: other people and learning when the clock out of that
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: job of trying to do that.
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: Well, So what it's going to happen is this. So
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: when you start using the let them theory, and it's
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: so easy to use the next time you're stressed out
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: or annoyed or frustrated, and it's always with other people,
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: just say let them. That's how you use it. Let them,
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: and you're going to immediately feel peaceful. Your mom's in
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: a bad mood, Let her be in a bad mood.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Some old friend of yours is talking, let them talk trash.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: Why you're not allowing it? When you say let them,
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: you are reminding yourself there's one thing in life I
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: can't control. It's what other people say, do, believe, feel,
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: and it's my job to So when you start saying
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: let them, and you detach yourself from the responsibility of
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: having to manage somebody else, something interesting happens. You realize,
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: oh my god, I've lived my life in reserve reverse.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: I actually live my life giving time and energy trying
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: to manage what other people think. I have kept myself
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: in a major or in a relationship, or in a
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: situation because I'm afraid to disappoint my parents or my friends.
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: I mean, how many people keep drinking or keep going
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: out at night when what they really want to do
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: is launch a business. And so they don't like take
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: the weekends to work on the things that they want
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: to work on because they feel like they don't want
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: to disappoint their friends or people going to talk about them.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: That's you giving power to other people. Like another way
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: that we give power to other people is we, you know,
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: get so focused on the headlines that we gas light
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: ourselves into believing that you have no power. It's complete garbage.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Of course you have power.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I wish you would he a couple of weeks ago.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: We'll continue on.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: And so when you start saying let them, it's sort
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: of this revelation where you're like, oh my god, I
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: spend so much time and energy worrying about other people.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: I spent so much time and energy letting them stress
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: me out.
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: But is there a level of like when that becomes
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: easier versus harder? Because when you were just talking, I
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: thought about Michelle Obama. Yes, in the podcast one of
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: the podcasts she did this week, she was talking about
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: how she realized she was doing a lot for other
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: people not thinking about herself, and she started making decisions
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: for herself. So she's going place, so she wants to go, and.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: They think she's divorce because of it.
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: But it's like, she's Michelle Obama, so it's hard for
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: her to like the noise is so it's a lot
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: louder for her well.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: Of course. But whether or not you pay attention to
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: that is within your control. Whether or not you look
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: at your phone, and we're all guilty of it, whether
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: you are Michelle Obama or you're just going into your
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: middle school, whether or not you give attention to the gossip,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: you look for, the gossip, you mainline it, that is
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: within your control. If you say, I can never, ever, ever,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: ever stop somebody from lying about me, from making up
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: stuff about me, from saying whatever they're going to say,
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: So why on earth when I spend any time and
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: energy managing it? And then you go let me This
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: is the second part of the theory. Once you say
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: let them, let them think negative thoughts, let them make
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: up all kinds of crap, Because if you know you're
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: not getting divorced, what do you care about these idiots
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: saying let me remind myself that I know the truth.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: And when you know the truth about who you are,
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: you don't think about other people. When you live your
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: life in a way that makes you proud, you don't
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: think of other people.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I tell them all.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: You told me to read her book, and I was,
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: and I already had the book because I think Eddie
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: had given it to us a minute and I was like, oh,
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: I got the book.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: And for you got it. It will change your Damn.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you it will change your life because but.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: You have to get to that stage.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Yes, because it's it's took me a while to get
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: to that stage.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: It while you think he was born that way, and
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: I don't.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I've never truly cared, right.
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: But then even when I started to care, I realized
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: things like the serenity prayer, a little simple things that
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: you saw sitting in your grandmother's house. You realize that
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: is absolutely the truth of God, Grammy, the serenity. Excepting
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: things I cannot change, courage change the things I can,
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: and with't no difference. And the easiest way to let
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: go of what you can't control is just realizing you
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: never had control to begin with.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: And here's another thing that's really important, That's why you're
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: gonna love it, is that what ol stirt to happen
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: when you say let them, is it's not that you're
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: allowing people to do bad things, they're already doing bad things.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: You're recognizing that it's not your job to manage other people,
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: because this is a book that's about power and control
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: and peace. Then you say, let me remind myself how
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: I respond to things. Actually is where my power is.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: So do I give this any time and energy or not?
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: Do I double down on just living my life in
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: a way that makes me proud of myself, which is
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: where your power is. And the thing that also changed
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: me dramatically is I couldn't believe how much stress I
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: felt and how I was bracing all the time. And
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: when you start to say let them, and you release
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: that kind of obligation to make other people happy or
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: to make everybody know that you're not divorced, or that
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: everything's okay, or like, just let them think whatever they
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: want to think, and live your life in a way
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: that makes you proud. You're going to get all this
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: time and energy back. And what I love about this
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: is when you're less stressed and when you're not bracing
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: all the time because you know your boss is narcissistic,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: so why on earth would you walk into work assuming
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: that today's going to be anything other than what it
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: already has always been. Let them be who they are.
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: I love the Managing Stress chapter, and in that chapter
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: you say you can't control how other adults behave and
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: stressing about it diminisces your power. You'll never reach the
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: full potential of your life if you continue to allow
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: stupid things to rule, people to drain your life for
• 23:22
  Speaker 4: can you yes?
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: Yes, So the two most important resources that you have
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: in life time energy, that's what you got. How you
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: spend your time, where you put your energy, it actually
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: determines your experience of life. And that's why I say,
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: if you have this experience right now where you're exhausted
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: and overwhelmed and nervous and you're not like feeling like
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: you can ever have time for yourself or your goals,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: just start clicking. You're not the problem. The problem is
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: all this time and energy you spend dealing with other people,
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: and so let them is a boundary that you draw
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: where you start to recognize, Okay, I'm going to let
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: other people think and feel and do and have their opinions,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to let them be disappointed. I'm going
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: to let them misunderstand me, and I'm going to let
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: me really take that time and energy back and pour
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: it into working on myself and staying in my piece.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: And what I've found is that when I'm less stressed,
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: which i am because I'm not allowing stupid stuff for
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: other people to stress me out, I'm actually a better person.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: I make more money because I can use my brain
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: instead of being in fight or flight. I don't like
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: vomit on my kids. My emotions. Like I used to
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: be the kind of person that would come in at
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: you know, after work and be yelling at everybody or
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: mad at the dog for crying out loud, and then
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: I'd be like, I'm sorry, it's a bad day at work,
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: stressful day at work with the dogs, you know, they
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: kind of do this and then they come back and
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: they're really nice because they they literally dogs don't don't
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: like punish you for that. And it's so sad that
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I used to leave the worst of me for people
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: I cared about the most and then blame it on
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: the stress of the day. That By the way, when
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: you use the let them theory, you have control over
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: whether or not this stuff gets to you. You know,
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: It's funny. I walked into a hotel t heere and
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: everybody that was at the check in descer like, let them.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: We love this. I'm like, Well, if you work retail,
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: which I have in my life, if you work in
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: a restaurant or hospitality having to deal with people, you
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: gotta let them. You gotta let them, Like, do not
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: let somebody's rudeness actually get to your spirit? Protect it
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: because your time and energy matters, and it's important. And
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: this is these are two boundaries. Let them be, because
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: the more I let other people be who they are,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: the better my life gets. The more I let other
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: people live their lives, better my life gets because I
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: am protecting myself from unnecessary stress and drama, and I'm
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: reminding myself powers always in here. And that's you know.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: You asked me earlier, do I really believe that actually
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: everybody has in them a unique path and gift? And
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: I said yes. And I think the reason we don't
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: unlock it is because we have given all of our
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: power to something outside of ourselves, and so we have
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: forgotten who we are. We have forgotten what it feels
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: like to be peaceful. We have forgotten how much of
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: a difference we can make in our families and our
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: communities because we've just run ourselves ragged, allowing the problems
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: of the world to bring us down. And that's not
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: to say there aren't problems. What I'm here to say
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: is we need you to be in your power and
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: in your peace so that we can better respond to
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: the problems in the world.
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: Isn't that society's fault because society makes us focus on
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: the external so much and not enough on the internal.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Well, I if you blame society, you give society the power.
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: I think that there are ways that we've been manipulated
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: through social media. I think there are ways that we
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: have gotten lazy. I think it's very problematic that we've
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: got and away from the underpinnings that have really kept
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: people tied to community, whether it's church or its synagogue,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: or it's a mosque, or it is volunteering in your community,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: whether it is schools having more funding, whether it is
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: you know, people prioritizing a day of rest over running
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: your kids all over for sports. Like, we have forgotten
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: the things that actually matter in life, and we're now
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: spending six hours a day on the phone. And so
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: if you blame the phone, which yes, it's designed to
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: be addictive because the more time anybody spends on it,
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: the more money people make because you're seeing ads. That's
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: why it's addictive. It's just like a slot machine. And
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: so that's not your fault. But when you wake up
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: and recognize, wait a minute, do I actually want to
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: give that much power to that thing? Isn't the phone
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: supposed to be a tool that I can use for
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: self expression, communication and to make money? Why am I
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: the tool here? When you see that, then you take
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: your power back it. So it's sort of like this
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: thing like you can't actually get sober until you stop drinking.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: You can't take control of your life until you stop
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: giving all the control to everything else.
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: Let me do it.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I have a question.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, in chapter five, you say let them think bad
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: thoughts about you, right. The question with that is is
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: when a lot of people, sometimes especially on social media, right,
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: nobody facts checks anymore, So sometimes you might not care.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: You can let them think what they want to think,
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: but that could affect your overall business.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: And we see that a lot, right, because people don't
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: clear and people don't do homework. Right, So if Lauren
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: says something about somebody, people might automatically think it's facts.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: It's the truth. People don't do that homework. But that
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: could affect your reputation. That can affect your business.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: That could affect the way that your kids, teachers look
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: at you, or business that comes around. So what do
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: you do in that example, because you still want to
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: fix your reputation, right, it might not be that you care,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: but you want your legacy to go how things are factual,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: and that happens a lot, especially somebody and I'm sure
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: that's happened to you in course.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: What are you doing well?
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: So here this is a very tricky question because you're
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: talking about the pr and the media swirl that has
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: a life of its own, which, by the way, you're
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: never going to be able to control. And it's actually
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: getting worse with AI because AI, you like, you guys,
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: watch this Google Like if you ever go and Google
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: yourself every couple days, the way AI talks about you
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: changes every day. And because we all are broadcasters and
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: we talk about all different types of topics. Like two
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: days ago, AI was reporting that I was divorced because
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: I was talking to somebody who was divorced on the podcast,
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: like it's not like I don't care, like I'm not divorced,
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: but you know what I mean, and so so it's
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: just kind of a joke on some regard and so
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: kind of understanding the ecosystem that you're in, because if
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: you've got a business risk issue, then you need to
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: make a very clear statement about what's truth and what's
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: not and then do not feed the fire, because the
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: more that you feed the fire, the more legitimacy you
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: give to this thing. And there are two kinds of
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: people in the world. There are people who are intent
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: on seeking the truth, and there are people who are
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: intent on misunderstanding and spreading gossip. There are people who
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: think about ideas and there are people who think about people.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: There are people who are able to be intelligent and
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: rational and really look at a situation, and then there
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: are people who are intent on feeling powerful by stepping
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: on other people's heads. And that is just the world
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: we live in unfortunately. So pr is a little bit
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: different in personal, Like, I think it's really important to
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: understand who you are, whether you're dealing with rumors at
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: a middle school or you're dealing with rumors in your community,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: or you've got somebody in your family trash talking you.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: In order to repair your reputation, it is better to
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: show than to tell. In my opinion, you prove the
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: truth based on how you show up in life, not
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: based on the words that come out of your mouth.
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: And if there is somebody spreading things about you, the
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: best way to handle it is to go directly to
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: that person and to ask them about it. You know,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: I understand that you've been saying such and such about me,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: which is not true. Can you help me understand why
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: you would be talking about me like this? Because people
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: who gossip don't ever think that anybody's ever going to
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: say anything because they're gossiping because they want to feel
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: more powerful than you when you have the ability to
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: let them say negative things. Okay, I just found out
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: about it. Let me choose is this something I want
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: to actually address or is this just data where I go? Okay,
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: now I know who this person is noted. Now I
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: adjust my time and energy and whether or not I
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: hang out with you. Because those kind of people, the
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: people that gossip about you, ultimately end up crumbling anyway,
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: because it always catches up.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: With them, and I love that chapter.
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: You know, to let them think bad thoughts about you,
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: and you say, stop allowing other people's opinions to hold
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: you back from pursuing what you want and limiting the
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: potential of your one, wide and precious life. It goes
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: back to what you said, discourage me, because when you
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: hear that things, you get discouraged and then you get
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: down and you stop. But I truly believe nothing can
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: stop the destiny God has planned for you unless you stop.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, You're the only one that can stop yourself. I
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: believe that.
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: Now.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: That does not mean there aren't very real obstacles. That
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: does not mean that you're not in debt. It does
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: not mean that you you know, if you have a
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: criminal record. You have a criminal record, and there are
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: going to be things that are in your way and
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: people that will discriminate against you based on that. As
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: a former public defender, I freaking hate that that is true,
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: because I do believe that we need to have the
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: kind of society that allows people to change. I agree
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: we have to, yes, and so there are very real
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: things in your way. That said, I believe in your
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: capacity to figure it out. I believe in your capacity
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: to tap into something that is bigger in terms of
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: your potential. And I think people believe that too in themselves.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: Like you know, it's it's the reason why when you
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: hear an incredible sermon or you see a movie and
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: you get all choked up, it's not because of what
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: you're watching on the TV. It's because it's resonating with
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: something that is deeply true in here. And I think
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: that's why this let them theory has exploded. It's because
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: I'm reminding you of what you know to be true
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: about life and about yourself.
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: And if you feel it whenever you talk, whenever you talk, period,
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: but especially when you talk about to let them theory,
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: it is something internally that wakes up in me. It's
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: like just a fire, like, oh, it's just a reminder
• 33:51
  Speaker 4: of like you said, what you already know.
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a It's an incredible thing. And what I
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: also love about it is, you know, it's kind of
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: flying around social because when you say let them, you
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: feel superior to other people. I'll let them go away
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: without me, let them walk out the door, let them
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: cheat on me. But the let me part reminds you
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: that the only change in a relationship. It never comes
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: from other people. It always comes from you and you
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: changing how you show up. And so the irony of this,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: it probably should be called the let me theory, because
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: it actually brings you closer to the people you care
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: about because instead of trying to change people, instead of
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: constantly being annoyed at your mom's mood or you know,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: or thinking you know better than what your kids are
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: doing now and they're oh, people feel that judgment, and
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: so there is distance right now in your relationships, particularly
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: with your family, because we're judging with our family. But
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: when you start to let them, you create this space
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: that is so awesome where you see your parents, or
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: you see your kids, or you see your brother and
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: sister as they are. And then it's on you to
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: how do I love this person as they are instead
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: of constantly wishing they'd be different.
• 35:05
  Speaker 5: That's how I was going to ask you, how do
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: you figure that out? Because sometimes that creates the distance too.
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: When you can't figure that out, you're like, I'd rather
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: just not because you don't want to interact and something
• 35:13
  Speaker 5: goes wrong or you say something wrong or you offend somebody.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's a great question, and you have to
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: do it literally day by day. Like you get to
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: choose if somebody's in a bad mood and they're the
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: kind of person that gets very emotionally immature and they
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: pout and then you know, they kind of go silent
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: on you. You get to choose. Okay, I'm gonna let
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: them be annoyed about this thing. I'm gonna let them
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: be disappointed. Then I'm not gonna make it to the
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: family such and such thing. Okay. Well. One of the
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: cool things about really giving somebody the space to feel
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: what they feel is it made me realize disappointment's actually
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: a really good thing because if somebody's disappointed that you're
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: not coming home for the holidays, it just means they
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: love you. It doesn't mean you have to go. It
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: just means means that they just really wish you were there.
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: Same thing with business. If you have a business partner
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: and you can't make it to something, if they're disappointed,
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: that's a good thing. Like what do you want your
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: business parder to be like, Oh, you can't make it,
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Thank God, I can't stand that guy.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: No.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: Disappointment's great, but it doesn't mean you have to take
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: that feeling away. By changing what you're doing, and in
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: that space you get to say, what do I value?
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: What do I need to do for me? What kind
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: of person am I? Am I showing up because I
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: feel guilty? Or am I showing up because based on
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: my values, family is important? So I am actually going
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: to bend over backwards ago not for them, I'm going
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: because it says something about me and what's important to me.
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: So I think we've also gotten to this point where
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: relationships are so transactional. We text somebody, we expect a
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: text back. You know, we do this, we expect you
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: to do something back, and so we're constantly waiting for
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: the return. What if the secret to relationships was actually
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: being way more flexible and just going what kind of
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: person am I? Am I the person that makes the plans?
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: Am I the person that reaches out? Not because I
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: expect someone else to, but just because that's the kind
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: of person that I am. And it's really shifted for
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: me with friendship, this sense of okay, am I in?
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: Am I out?
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: Are they a friend? Are they not? And you start
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: to realize there's so many more people in your life
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: than you realize that care about you. There's so many
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: people that are rooting for you when you start to
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: let other people live their lives and make their plans.
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: But if you're the kind of person that wants to
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: stay to connect it to people, you just reach out
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: just without expectation or return, you will be shocked at
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: how much more comes back to you when you're not
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: gripping it so much and you're just doing it because
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: it makes you feel good to check in on people.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: I want to go back to something else, because you
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: know you were a public defender. I know you did
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: a little bit of radio, but I know some people
• 37:49
  Speaker 4: who hear this conversation because you mentioned being in debt
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: a lot.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: Eight hundred thousand dollars in debt.
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: That's a lot.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Some people have never seen eight hundred thousand dollars. So
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: you had to have some times.
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: I didn't have eight hundred thousand dollars. I had a house, okay,
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: and we took out a home equity line. We then
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: and cash that sucker out. We took out a bazillion
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: credit cards. We had a little bit of savings and
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: we cashed that out. We cashed out a little bit
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: of the kid's college fund, and we took a loan
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: on a car, so there was like that. And then
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: what happened is they started factoring, which is a I
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: mean predatory lending, which basically means every time they swipe
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: a credit card at a restaurant, they're charging interest toward it,
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: which was part of our guarantee. And then so it
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: was that's not like we had that as a nest egg.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: But you had to have some type of success though.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Oh before yeah, well, well.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I mean I was a public defender
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: and then I worked for a large law firm, and
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: then in nineteen ninety nine I kind of got into
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: that first dot com thing in Boston, and so yeah,
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: you know, we were in that stage of life, three
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: kids under the age of ten. I'm working, my husband's working,
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: We're making the ends meet.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you just felt like this isn't what I'm
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: supposed to be doing.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: Well, yes, what happened is in two thousand and eight,
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: I had tried to do something in the media business.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: And it's a long complicated story, but I basically got
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: cast to be on a reality show that I was
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: going to host, where it was going to be like
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: an extreme business makeover show, and remember that move the
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: bus show, so they wanted to do that for businesses.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: And by the time we went to shoot the show,
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: they had changed the show entirely and it was now
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: called Someone's Got to Go. And I was the host
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: of a show. Get this where people were going to
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: get fired on national television, on a reality show from
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: real jobs, and I wasn't firing them. You were voting
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: a colleague out. It was Survivor in an office place.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: So we shot two episodes. It was a disgusting show.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I was literally popping xanax because I was having panic
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: attacks the entire time. So I'm like, this is not
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: what I signed up for. The show gets tabled and
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: I got held in one of those non compete content things,
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: and I didn't have a job. And this was right
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: at the moment where my husband's first restaurant had done well.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: Why well, I mean they were doing okay, you know,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: they were successful, they could pay their bills, friends and
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: family had invested, and then they were They raised a
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: little bit more money from friends and family to open
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: two more locations, and the whole thing imploded. So now
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: I'm unemployed. Friends and family have invested, they're working their
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: tails off to keep this thing afloat. We both feel
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: like we have royally screwed up our lives. I feel
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: like I've been a public defender. I've worked in a
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: law firm, I've worked at three different startups. I've tried
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: life in business coaching. Then I did this show which
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: I thought was going to be our meal ticket, and
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: now all of a sudden, I'm in a non compete.
• 40:41
  Speaker 3: I can't get a job. And some people would say, well,
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: just go back to the law. I'm like, do you
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: know when you are in that position where you think
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: you royally screwed up you have you do not have
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: any confidence? How do you go get a job when
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: you're like, I don't have any worth? And I got
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: to pretend that everything's okay because friends and family have
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: invested in this business and the doors are still open
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: and they're trying to save it. That was the backdrop
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: at the age of forty one, and you know, I think, yeah,
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: I'm a big visualizer, and you know I love vision
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: boards and that kind of stuff, but never in a
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: million years was the vision for my life. Okay, at
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: age forty let's make a vision board. I'm going to
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: paste an image of getting divorced and being bankrupt and alcoholism.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: No people, but I'm like the Maserati and the Beachhof.
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: So when when your life takes a turn, you're like,
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: I didn't plan for this. It's surprising how you can
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: know what you should be doing, but all motivation to
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: do it's gone. And that's when I created that five
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: second rule of the countdown five four three two one
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: to just get myself out of bed.
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: You know you were in the book you talk about
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: how you felt paralyzed by imposter syndrome, especially when you
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: were teaching.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the five second rule.
• 41:50
  Speaker 4: I wonder what's changed since then, Like, we'll gives you
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: the confidence and authority now to feel like you can
• 41:54
  Speaker 4: go out here and teach, to let.
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: Them do that's a great, great question. So you know
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: how well, First of all, impostor syndrome is deeply misunderstood.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: So imposter syndrome does not mean that you don't belong
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: in the room you're in. Imposter syndrome means you actually
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: want to be in the room you're in, and there's
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: skills or there's experience that you need to gain in
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: order to dominate in that room. Imposter syndrome is actually
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: not self doubt. It's ambition.
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: And so explain that a bit because it's always been
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: said the other way.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so if you really think about it, if
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: you walk into a room and you don't feel imposter syndrome,
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: it's because you don't want to be in that room.
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: You don't care what people think about you in that room.
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: If you walk into a room and you feel a
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: sense of imposter syndrome, it's because you care about what
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: people think about you in that room. It means your
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: ambition wants you to succeed in that room. Oh was
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: like push to stay sharp, correct and also like, hey,
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: I want to actually succeed around people like this, which
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: means what are the skills I need? What's the experience
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: I need to set myself up? This is like a
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: wave of your calling and your ambition, Like I actually
• 43:08
  Speaker 3: want to feel good in this room. So it's not
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: a sign that you don't belong there. It's a sign like, hey,
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: there's some work to do and you can dominate in
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: that room too. And so to your question about how
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: do I have the confidence to do it? I think
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: it's literally because of the fifteen years of just walking
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: into rooms and sharing what was going on. And you know,
• 43:29
  Speaker 3: once the five second rules started to spread around on
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: social media and people would call me and say, hey,
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: would you come talk about this thing? And I would
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: go they weren't paying me. I mean I would stand
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: at a brown bag lunch twelve years ago and teaching
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: somebody's office, you know, a little real estate office in
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: the break room with the fridge. It's got the moldy
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: food in it. Like that was how I started and
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: what I gain, what I started to understand, And I
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: think it explains a lot about like why I am
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: who I am is that I were all the same
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: m h. Everybody is dealing with the same stuff. Yes,
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: it's easier if you have more money and more resources,
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, everybody's got a
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: family member that they're worried about. Everybody has ambition they're
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: not tapping into. Everybody has things that they want to
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: pursue in their life, and they're kind of letting themselves
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: down a little bit. Everybody struggles with a little bit
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: of uncertainty and anxiety at times. Everybody has hopes and
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: dreams and feels a little discouraged and overwhelmed. And when
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: you start at a baseline that people would love to thrive,
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: and people thrive when they can, and if they can't,
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: I believe it's because they're discouraged or there's some skill
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: building or some experience or you know, some mentorship that's missing.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: That's it, but that you're built to thrive. And so
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: when you really start at that baseline, whether you're like,
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: you know, I make it a practice. By the way,
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: this is this is one thing that will change your life.
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: When you go into a public bath through two things.
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: I always leave the space better than when I found it.
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: I always public bathroom no no, no, literally, like literally,
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: that's why I don't go into that stall. But I
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: gotta lecause if somebody like destroy especially women, if somebody
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: destroys the seat, peas all over it and then they leave,
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: that is a human being that is so disconnected from
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: the interconnection of the human experience. You are leaving that
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: for another person, and so making sure that you don't
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: leave your mess for another person, making sure that you
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: just kind of wipe down the counter. And then here's
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: the second thing. If there is a human being cleaning
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: that bathroom, please look at the AI and say thank
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: you like that, right, there is a simple thing that
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: will make you start to shake out of that woe
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: is me or that's stress or that overwhelm. Let them
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: know you appreciate and see what they're doing because it
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: changes who you are. And then you start to see
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: all day long that there are like you know, I
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: can't look at you, I'm gonna cry. People are just
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: walking around disconnected. And the power of starting to be
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: the one that wakes people up. Hey, you know I
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: always get an or hey, how is everybody doing? Like
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: it's shocking how we have gotten so far away from
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: that sense of community. And there's actually research around this.
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: They call it either weak ties. I call them warm connections.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: Those people that you see in the building every day
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: that you say hello to the person that's walking the
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: dog that you you know, know the name of the
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: dog in your neighborhood. These relationships matter because they make
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: you feel human again.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: Like you said, it has to get back to community,
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: has to be to wait at we raise our kids.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: We have a six kids, but I have one kid, Jackson,
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: and he does that times fit and it's just something
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: that's taught.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: That's seen.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: You know, when we get off an airplane, we think
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: the pilot. Yes, you know, when he plays basketball, he
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: thinks the ref, He thanks the coach. He looks them
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: in the eye and you can see from their reaction
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: they don't get that that much. But for him, he
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: always says, I'm grateful because he didn't have to do
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: that right, And that comes from we have to be
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: a community again and start teaching from a young age
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: so our young kids could teach their kids, could teach
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: their kids.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Could teach their kids. Because it's kind of like a
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: lost art mall.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: You just fucked me up with something so simpil too,
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: because I hate dirty bathrooms. I hate when I walk
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: in the bathroom if somebody leaves shit in the toilet,
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: if it's a public restroom, when they leave the toilet
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: lineer around the stead, I'm like, how.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Could you do that?
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: Like, don't you know somebody else is going to use this?
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: Even in my own house? You know, I got young kids.
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: You're not too mad about it, but I'm just like, yo,
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: pay attention because there's other people that's using these bathrooms,
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: But you.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: Just explained it in such a way.
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: Those people are so disconnected from the human experience yes, people.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And like this is where let them comes
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: in that I think people can can't let them do
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: that again, Hold on a second, it's it's the reason
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: why people are so disconnected is because the compounding stress
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: and overwhelm that comes from allowing the world to beat
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: you down and the discouragement that compounds that is what
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: is in people's way. I think we are innately built
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: and wired to be connected to one another. That is
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: our nature. We are innately wired to really like stay
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: connected to ourselves. That is our nature, That is our
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: intelligent design. It is woven into your DNA and the
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: state of the world right now, I think is a
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: reflection of the collective disconnect. You know, I really feel
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: like there is this massive awakening that is building and
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: that in life there is always balance between the negativity
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: and the overwhelm and the toxic stuff that's going on
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: out in the world and in the headlines, and people
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: then waking up and going I forgot what mattered. I
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: forgot why this is important. I need to get to work.
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: I need to stop whining and worrying and you know,
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: just gaslighting myself that there's nothing I can do, and
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: this is oh there's always something you can do. You
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: have to wake up and recognize that it's not going
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: to happen out there, it's going to happen in here.
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: When you feel the impact from what you're doing with
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: your book, and to let them theory, like you just
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: got emotional, not even just about your impact, but just
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: talking about just change in the world. How does it
• 49:40
  Speaker 5: make you feel, Like do you take a moment just
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: of gratitude and be like, because I saw all the
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: tattoos in the book, and I was like, that's so fire.
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: It's hard to make people like actually believe something that's
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: not tangible.
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: One of the things that you know, for me, I
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: spent so many years like hating myself and feeling like
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: I was a really bad person. And when you get
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: stuck in life, it's easy to think you're the only one.
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: And so I'm just literally on a mission to share
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: whatever I can share and give people access just like
• 50:16
  Speaker 3: you guys, give people access to incredible thinkers and experts
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: and resources. You know, your work is reaching some way
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: halfway around the world that doesn't even have a toilet
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: in their house, And how incredible is that? And if
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: I can save anybody the headaches and the heartaches that
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: I cause myself for the people that I care about,
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: because I didn't know any better. I didn't know what
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: the problem was. I didn't know how to change myself.
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: I didn't know how to push through the emotion that
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: is a life well lived? Why did you hate yourself though?
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: Because you can't do anything about what you don't know.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, we don't have time. I literally, like
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: from the amount of cheating I did when I was little,
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: to the like the undiagnosed anxiety or the undiagnosed to
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: SLEXI and ADHD and how that created tremendous anxiety, to
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: the way that childhood trauma impacted me that I didn't
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: even realize was impacting me, you know, and like it's
• 51:09
  Speaker 3: just chronic. I just did not think I was a
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: bad person. And there's a lot of people walking around
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: that have a hundred times more negative thoughts than they
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: do positive ones, And a lot of people develop a
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: habit of being very self critical. It's never enough, like
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: you're never gonna make it, like you're always so stupid.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: Why did you do that? Either because that's how they
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: were talked to when they were little, or because it's
• 51:34
  Speaker 3: this like almost protective thing that if you beat yourself
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: up first, you're going to catch it before other people do.
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: And I got to a point, and this is an
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: important thing. The only thing you need to make your
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: life better is one decision. How I'm living my life
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: right now and how it feels no longer works for me.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: That's all you need to know. If you can have
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: the courage to say that to yourself, you now know
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: you now have tipped the first domino because you've made
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: a decision that you want to change how your life feels.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: You made a decision that you want to change how
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: it feels up here. And for me as a mom,
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: like your kids absorb the way that you treat yourself.
• 52:14
  Speaker 3: And so having two daughters that I started noticing, my god,
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: why are these beautiful young women picking themselves apart? Well
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: because I do? Why are they so hard on that?
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: Because I was so hard on myself. That's how they
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: learn it, And so I don't want them to do
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: that to themselves. And you know, the thing I was
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: going to share that's made a huge difference for me
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: is that I keep the impact front and center. And
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: so we send an email out five days a week.
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: There's a person on our team whose job is to
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: assemble all of the the things that people are saying
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: all over the world about the books and the podcast,
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: not about Mel, but about what you learned, and I'll
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: tell you it every day. There's twenty to thirty of them.
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: And just the other there was a person who talked
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: about how he was a stepdad and the relationship ended
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: and those step kids were his life and he didn't
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: want to be here anymore. And somebody started to share
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: the podcast with him and he would go and take
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: a walk every morning and listen to the podcast, and
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: it started give him a sense of hope. And now
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: he uses the let them theory. This is a person
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: that actually works in like a police operations control center.
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: Never in a million years would I think this is
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: somebody that's listening to the Mel Robbins podcast or listening
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: to this kind of conversation. But it goes to prove
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: that everybody wants to do well. Everybody wants to thrive,
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: and you know when you're not doing well. You know
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: when you're not thriving. The problem for most of us
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: is just kind of feeling like I don't think this
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: could change, And the fact is, of course it can change.
• 53:53
  Speaker 3: If you've ever been happy in your life, you can
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: be happy again. If you've ever been proud of yourself,
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: you can be proud of yourself again. If you've ever
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: forgiven somebody else, you can learn to forgive yourself.
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: Mel I know you've got to go through this.
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: My last question, how do you receive comments from people
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: who say Meil Robbins is giving mental health advice with
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: zero mental health professional training.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: She should let the professionals speak. Let them.
• 54:18
  Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I'm not diagnosing anybody. I'm not.
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to make the intellectual and the academic and
• 54:28
  Speaker 3: the scientific accessible to all of us. It is so
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: important that if you are having an issue, you deserve
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: to work with a mental health professional. I wish that
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: the whole system would change so that it was accessible.
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: Like because I think about mental health. I don't think
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: about mental health like you're crazy. Mental health is thriving.
• 54:52
  Speaker 3: It's your ability to manage your stress. It's your ability
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: to push through those moments where life is overwhelming and
• 54:59
  Speaker 3: build yourself little life raft to keep yourself afloat. Mental
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: health is like building a muscle, and so I also
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: think we hear that word and we think some like
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: clinical depression. If you've got a big issue, go see
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: a doctor for crying out loud. But we all deserve
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: to have access to this information and access to the experts,
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: and so I am absolutely distilling down the world's best research,
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: just like you are. I'm absolutely sharing my experience, not
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: because I think I know what's best for you, but because,
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: by God, if I can save you or one of
• 55:33
  Speaker 3: your kids or somebody you care about the problems that
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: I've faced in my life or that my kids have
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: struggled through because I made dumb mistakes, that is fantastic.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: I happily will take that criticism happily.
• 55:47
  Speaker 4: And you know, also, God doesn't call to qualify it.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: He qualified the called, and you've been called mail Robin.
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: I feel that I motherfucking love you man.
• 55:53
  Speaker 3: I love you too.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's right. Well, we appreciate you for joining us.
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: It's been too long. You got to come up more often.
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, busy guy got to come up to Boston.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, I loved it. I have a boy. Thank you
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: for having me on your podcast.
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: He's you are. You are literally a day away from
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: being in the top ten most listened to episodes. Three
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: point five million people have listened to that episode in
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: the last four days.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: But that was you were like church you you were channeling.
• 56:18
  Speaker 4: But that was God because my wife literally gave me
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: your book on a Friday and she was like, you
• 56:24
  Speaker 4: need to read this right now because I was stressing
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: about some people and she was like, you need to
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: read this book right now. And I was like, oh,
• 56:30
  Speaker 4: I'm going to see meil on on Wednesday.
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: Literally, So that was just God.
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: So I read the book and I got to sit
• 56:35
  Speaker 4: with you, and now you're here again on the Breakfast Club,
• 56:38
  Speaker 4: and I just feel full, thank you, thank you.
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: I love your new studio, unbelievably cool.
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: All right, well it's Mel Robbins. It's the Breakfast Club.
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: Good morning. Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club.