Latest / The Hannah Hammond Show / Naked and Alone With 80,000 People: The Mental Strength Lesson for High Performers | Nick Lowery

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Naked and Alone With 80,000 People: The Mental Strength Lesson for High Performers | Nick Lowery · The Hannah Hammond Show

• 0:00
  How did you deal with the fame? You had it all.
• 0:03
  I mean, you're like the epitome of what any man could ever
• 0:06
  aspire to be. That's what the ego does too,
• 0:08
  right? There's always somebody that has
• 0:09
  something you don't and learning.
• 0:11
  What was somebody that you thought had something that you
• 0:14
  didn't? Oh, you think somebody else is
• 0:16
  better looking? Somebody's got a better
• 0:18
  girlfriend, somebody's got a better contract, somebody's
• 0:20
  getting more attention. There's always somebody.
• 0:23
  There's always someone. What was your wound that you had
• 0:27
  to really deal with and battle through and overcome?
• 0:32
  I guess thinking that you're not good enough.
• 0:34
  I mean, certainly an Ivy League football player in the NFL.
• 0:37
  In some ways it's harder having the most accurate kicker in NFL
• 0:40
  history, but then you're missing one out of five kicks.
• 0:43
  The lady remembers the one you missed, and that.
• 0:46
  That is the purest definition of real leadership, that you're
• 0:50
  signing up for criticism, unfair criticism, and even today
• 0:54
  made-up criticism. What's the best piece of advice
• 0:56
  you ever received? Well, welcome back to the Hannah
• 1:01
  Hammond Show. I'm here today with my friend
• 1:03
  Nick Lowry, Kansas City Chiefs Hall of Famer.
• 1:07
  You still have, I mean, you're still one of the best record
• 1:10
  holders in the entire history of the NFL and you were the most
• 1:13
  accurate kicker in history. 80% accuracy on your kicks.
• 1:18
  I was when I retired, that was the record.
• 1:21
  It's it keeps getting better, but records are made to be
• 1:25
  broken. But what I love about my book?
• 1:28
  Is it goes into that whole journey of not even being good
• 1:33
  enough to make it in the first place and then setting records
• 1:36
  and what did it take for that to happen?
• 1:38
  Well, congratulations on your new book and I'm super honored
• 1:41
  to know you and excited to dive in.
• 1:43
  So you just released your book Naked and Alone with 80,000
• 1:47
  people. And you know, a lot of my
• 1:49
  audience are entrepreneurs, highly driven, highly successful
• 1:54
  people that are on a mission to truly realize their highest
• 1:58
  potential in their business and in their career and also in
• 2:01
  their life in every way. And that's something that you
• 2:03
  have definitely done. I mean, you, you have it all.
• 2:06
  You were a Hall of Famer, you have your MPA from Harvard, you
• 2:12
  went to Dartmouth. I mean, you've just, you worked
• 2:15
  for under 3 presidents in DC. It's like people would look at
• 2:19
  you and be like, how the hell do I do all that like you?
• 2:22
  You really push yourself. So when was the first time in
• 2:25
  your life that you felt naked and alone outside the football
• 2:29
  field? Outside of the football field?
• 2:31
  Well, I think whenever we're trying to be special, we have to
• 2:35
  be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
• 2:38
  And that's what the title is all about.
• 2:41
  As a kicker, you're running on the field.
• 2:42
  And I still remember vividly that voice.
• 2:47
  Going holy. This is the scariest thing.
• 2:50
  Sorry, but I'm just going to say I'm being, I'm being authentic
• 2:53
  here. But seriously, this is, you
• 2:55
  know, this is the scariest thing ever.
• 2:58
  There's almost an extra silence as you're running on the field
• 3:02
  and the the crowd roar has dulled to a a very light volume
• 3:07
  and it gives you that pause as you're running on to go.
• 3:10
  Man, this is all up to me at every other position.
• 3:14
  I I was lucky enough to play with Joe Montana and some of the
• 3:17
  greats in the game and in the Pro Bowl, but they are sort of
• 3:22
  mildly hidden behind 22 other players, 21 other players on the
• 3:28
  field. But as the kicker, you are
• 3:30
  isolated. Everybody's watching exactly
• 3:32
  what you do. It's a very simple thing and
• 3:35
  unlike most things in life, it's very measurable.
• 3:38
  You either make it or you don't. So being able to deal with the
• 3:42
  fact that you are completely exposed and how you manage
• 3:46
  yourself is everything. And one thing I'd love to talk
• 3:49
  about and the book goes into is I think all of us.
• 3:52
  Hannah Hammond, by the way, is another amazing example, by the
• 3:56
  way, and she's a lot younger than me.
• 3:58
  She's figured a lot of things out that not too many people do
• 4:01
  at a young age is how do you stay completely focused and
• 4:05
  persistent and not worry about what other people?
• 4:09
  Think as you pursue your dream. Yeah, and I'm always fascinated
• 4:13
  by the journey, right, the journey to excellence and the
• 4:17
  journey to realizing your potential.
• 4:19
  And a lot of people that I interview all have very dynamic
• 4:23
  backgrounds. But what was it for you like?
• 4:25
  What was your background like, your childhood like, and what
• 4:29
  inspired you to decide that you wanted to be the number one
• 4:33
  kicker in NFL history? Well, I think I was also pitcher
• 4:37
  in college and I was MVP of my baseball team, league champion
• 4:42
  as a pitcher. And both of those positions,
• 4:44
  you're on an island and having to manage yourself.
• 4:48
  And I owe it a lot to being open to mentors.
• 4:53
  But what struck me was, like the pitcher, the kicker has to be
• 4:58
  equal parts of physical action and a mental action, being able
• 5:02
  to manage your focus. Today I left my phone on the
• 5:06
  floor here. But that phone is our enemy and
• 5:09
  our friend at the same time. Friend and foe depending on how
• 5:13
  we use it. And it's teaching young people,
• 5:16
  unfortunately, not how to focus on the quality stuff, but to
• 5:21
  look for high intensity stimulation, not necessarily
• 5:24
  things of value. And so the kicker has to learn.
• 5:28
  And I think that's what really attracted me, magnetized me was
• 5:32
  I want to be the best of being able to manage my state in front
• 5:35
  of everybody. And Hannah, I have two great
• 5:40
  memories, amusing memories of having had the one of the best
• 5:46
  seasons in NFL history, several of them.
• 5:50
  And one of them was 1988. And I was 22 for 23.
• 5:56
  And I'm going into a QuikTrip store.
• 5:58
  I've missed one kick and the lady behind the counter
• 6:04
  recognized me. I had my porn star mustache back
• 6:06
  there. And she she goes, hey, wait a
• 6:10
  minute. I know you.
• 6:14
  You're Nick Lowry with the Chiefs.
• 6:15
  Yeah. The kicker for the Chiefs.
• 6:19
  I saw you miss that field goal. What the Hell's wrong with you?
• 6:24
  And and then about four years later, we're actually, yeah, a
• 6:27
  couple years later, I had 24 field goals in a row and been in
• 6:30
  the Pro Bowl, you know, a really good season.
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  And the same thing happened the second time.
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  And it just points to the fact that to be a leader, whether
• 6:40
  it's to be a tremendous leader in real estate development with
• 6:46
  huge 100,000 foot enterprises like you've been working on, you
• 6:51
  know, you have to be comfortable with being publicly exposed.
• 6:55
  And just to the degree to which you were great is also the
• 7:00
  degree to which you get more attention and more criticism and
• 7:03
  often unfair criticism. And you have to weather that and
• 7:07
  not worry about it and just make sure that you're grounded in
• 7:10
  things that really matter, not just the temporary opinions of
• 7:14
  anonymous people. Yeah, I was at an event just a
• 7:18
  couple days ago in Salt Lake City.
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  My friend Keaton Hoskins and Tim Grover, the author of Relentless
• 7:23
  was speaking on stage and he's like, I think it was him that
• 7:27
  said this, but he was like, you don't want to get rid of your
• 7:29
  haters. You want your haters to
• 7:31
  quadruple by the end of the year.
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  Because the more successful you are, the more haters you're
• 7:37
  going to have and the more you're exposed in the world.
• 7:39
  And you want to have that because if you don't have any
• 7:42
  haters, then that means you're not doing anything with your
• 7:44
  life. And people are adding, studies
• 7:47
  show that the number one fear in people, it actually isn't
• 7:51
  failure. It's humiliation, it's
• 7:54
  embarrassment. And so to be able to, I mean,
• 7:57
  you say 80,000 people, that's just in the stadium, right?
• 8:00
  But you're millions and millions, like the whole Monday
• 8:02
  Night Football, 20 million people, 30 million people, Yeah.
• 8:06
  And you can get lost in that. And in the end, you can't
• 8:09
  control that. So what do you control?
• 8:11
  And it's all on you. It's not like another position
• 8:14
  on the field where you can blame someone else or pass it to
• 8:17
  someone else or have someone help you.
• 8:18
  Like everything's on you and the crowd roars and and people are
• 8:23
  brutal, right? And I mean, how did you like,
• 8:27
  how do you even prepare for that?
• 8:29
  You just keep doing it till you get used to it.
• 8:31
  That's it. You get to the point where I
• 8:34
  remember running on the field as a rookie and I'm beating out the
• 8:37
  greatest kicker in the history of the game.
• 8:39
  I've given up a job working in the Senate Commerce Committee
• 8:42
  working on aviation deregulation for Senator Bob Packwood of
• 8:45
  Oregon, and I just felt like I needed to try one more time,
• 8:49
  which was my 12th. Time, which is a good biblical
• 8:52
  number. And suddenly I'm going against
• 8:54
  the greatest kicker in the history of the game, Jan
• 8:57
  Stennard. You just keep going until the.
• 9:02
  Fear of rejection, the fear of humiliation is taken over by the
• 9:08
  dominance of your sense of control and mastery of what you
• 9:11
  do. And the only way to master it,
• 9:14
  as we we know with the wonderful book Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers
• 9:19
  and the theory of 10,000 hours, is just.
• 9:21
  Keep putting yourself out there over and over till it's part of
• 9:25
  your soul, as part of your cellular memory and you feel
• 9:28
  like it's really more now your own birthday party when you're
• 9:31
  in and out there. One of the things that I love to
• 9:34
  share too is if you haven't, whether you're an artist and
• 9:37
  you're Michelangelo, whether you're Hannah Hammond or or
• 9:41
  whoever you admire, they have all created their own internal
• 9:47
  office. And a breakthrough moment for
• 9:50
  me, Hannah was realizing that about where that camera is,
• 9:55
  maybe a little bit further away, there are 20 feet, Yeah, maybe
• 10:00
  more like 20 feet, but close enough.
• 10:02
  You've got 11 very large people, great athletes, paid $5,000,000
• 10:08
  a piece or more each to block your kick, to eat you, and you
• 10:14
  can't control that. And that Seminole moment for me
• 10:18
  was realizing this is my office. If I can control from the 8
• 10:21
  yards away where the ball snapped, caught by the holder,
• 10:25
  put down and kicked, if I can manage that, that's my office.
• 10:28
  I have no obligation to worry about the fans.
• 10:31
  And because what I came to see was basically screw all the
• 10:35
  fans, I've got horns on my head if I have to.
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  I don't care. I have to stop worrying about
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  being liked. I just have to do my job and be
• 10:45
  in complete control of what I do, how I manage myself and my
• 10:49
  focus for those few seconds. And for those of you that don't
• 10:53
  know, a field goal is an interesting time capsule, too,
• 10:57
  because each NFL play is 40 seconds apart.
• 11:00
  So as soon as one play ends, the clock starts ticking and the
• 11:05
  coach may take 10 seconds to say field goal.
• 11:07
  So now they're 30 seconds. You run on the field, now
• 11:09
  they're about 25 seconds left. And in those 25 seconds you have
• 11:13
  to pick out the target, which looked really wide in practice,
• 11:15
  now looks like a pair of tweezers, those goal posts, and
• 11:20
  figure out exactly where the ball is going to be put down,
• 11:22
  step it off and then get to that place, whatever that place is
• 11:26
  for you, whatever works for you. And that takes time.
• 11:30
  Plus you have to trust your holder.
• 11:31
  You have to trust that the the balls being snapped back and put
• 11:35
  down in the spot that you determined and you're moving for
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  all but 2/10 of a second before the ball stops spinning.
• 11:44
  You. You are moving while the ball's
• 11:47
  still spinning and you have to then just attack it.
• 11:51
  And there's so many lessons in that about being present and
• 11:56
  being completely focused and somehow also relaxed.
• 12:00
  Yeah. And I talk about that a lot as
• 12:02
  your flow state and your Green Zone, right.
• 12:05
  And when you're in that flow, you have to be in that flow
• 12:08
  state of pure connection, pure presence, like there's nothing
• 12:11
  else but you and you. And that's where you operate in
• 12:14
  your your zone of genius, right? Your gift.
• 12:16
  And that's where you get the outcomes you want, like getting
• 12:19
  the shots right and making the goals.
• 12:21
  So what were some of the tools that you implemented to be able
• 12:25
  to clear out the noise and make sure that you were connected and
• 12:29
  on point for game day so that you could show up in front of
• 12:33
  millions of people and, and with your team, especially when
• 12:34
  you're talking like it all falls down on you, you're the final
• 12:38
  kick, you're tied in the game and everybody's watching you and
• 12:43
  it all comes down on you. Like, how do you maintain your
• 12:45
  flow? Stay?
• 12:45
  What was the routine or the practice that you really learn
• 12:48
  to be able to cut all of that noise out and be fully present?
• 12:51
  Well, I, I, I can't stop thinking about what it must be
• 12:54
  like for you with a real estate deal where you're having to
• 12:57
  please financing the vision, the plans, personalities that
• 13:03
  somehow change under great pressure perhaps, or maybe what
• 13:06
  somebody said but then didn't do.
• 13:09
  And so the same principles apply because you have to.
• 13:12
  What worked for me was spending time thinking and I would meet
• 13:16
  with a sports psychologist, doctor Andrew Jacobs, who had
• 13:18
  been an Olympic sports psychologist on Wednesday.
• 13:22
  And Wednesday was, what do we have this week that could be a
• 13:25
  distraction? So I would be intentional about
• 13:28
  making sure I got those things out of the way, whether it's a
• 13:31
  girlfriend, whether it's a coach I don't like or a player or
• 13:34
  situation, or maybe I'm too busy with other things and making
• 13:38
  sure and I'm on top of that and then visualizing in practice,
• 13:43
  not so much kicking 100 kicks, but I would tell other kickers
• 13:47
  the same thing. 40 kicks make them perfect.
• 13:51
  I'd rather you kick 10 kicks perfectly and quit then kick
• 13:55
  let's say 70 where 50 are good in 20 yard because you're
• 13:59
  building an incredible sense of intensity to get it done just
• 14:04
  right. Because what happens because
• 14:06
  we're all human is that little voice when you're running on
• 14:09
  field is saying, you know, I've made 7540 yard field goals in a
• 14:14
  row and this is a 40 yarder. But if I miss this, they don't
• 14:17
  matter. And being able to just stay in
• 14:21
  your flow state, trust and attack.
• 14:24
  Not attack, trying to hit the ball 400 yards, but be
• 14:28
  aggressive. And so over time, you get better
• 14:31
  at that. You start visualizing not only
• 14:33
  the actual physical action, but the situations.
• 14:36
  What's the score? What are the things that could
• 14:38
  go wrong? What's the weather like?
• 14:39
  What are the conditions, let's say in Mile High Stadium in
• 14:43
  Denver? And as an example, actually, I
• 14:47
  enjoyed kicking in Denver. The ball went farther, but I
• 14:50
  missed two big field goals. I'm every field goals big over
• 14:53
  the course of all those years, my first ten seasons, just over
• 15:00
  the right upright. It's like the ball just wouldn't
• 15:03
  hook. And then I realized this is a
• 15:05
  little scientific, but there's atmosphere and the ball doesn't
• 15:10
  hook as much because there it's the air is thinner.
• 15:13
  So all I did was I made the analysis, made the adjustment,
• 15:17
  which was I'm going to aim 4 feet farther left from now on in
• 15:21
  Denver because the ball doesn't hook as much.
• 15:24
  And I never missed again in Denver.
• 15:27
  So those are things where you stay open to an analyzing when
• 15:32
  you don't do things. Right.
• 15:34
  And be open to that. That's the other thing is, of
• 15:36
  course, being able to manage your ego and say I can always
• 15:40
  get better so that that first year when I had a great season
• 15:44
  and set some NFL records, beat out the greatest kicker in the
• 15:47
  history, history of the game could.
• 15:48
  Have been a fluke like a lot of people. 1 great season and
• 15:51
  suddenly and just don't take it for granted and keep working to
• 15:57
  get better. So visualizing, not only
• 16:00
  visualizing here and here, but also how will you feel and
• 16:05
  projecting like an actor. How am I going to feel running
• 16:07
  on the field confident. So there are lots of more
• 16:12
  answers I can give you. Marcus Allen would say something
• 16:14
  which I think is really important too, which is act like
• 16:17
  you've been there so many. Players, I always joke about the
• 16:19
  Dallas Cowboys, who, you know, had a great era back 30 years
• 16:26
  ago, 35 years ago. But now they act even in
• 16:30
  training camp or they act like they've done something great
• 16:32
  because they made a tackle in the first quarter or something.
• 16:34
  They're so full. And everybody loves those.
• 16:36
  Our our Dallas Cowboys, we love them.
• 16:39
  But the truth is when you've made your field goal, let's say
• 16:42
  you hit A50 yarder or 60 yarder, it's in the middle of the game.
• 16:46
  Go ahead. Yeah, that's great.
• 16:47
  Celebrate a little bit, but then shut up, go back to the
• 16:51
  sidelines, get ready for the next one and then once you've
• 16:55
  won the game, then you can celebrate.
• 16:57
  So many teams, I think, and players get so excited making a
• 17:01
  tackle. Well, that's what you're paid to
• 17:02
  do. Tim Grover talks about this in
• 17:04
  his book Relentless. How most high achievers.
• 17:08
  And you know, 'cause he coached Kobe Bryant and, and some of
• 17:13
  those guys, Michael Jordan, and he said a lot of them, they do
• 17:17
  whatever it takes. They have this insatiable
• 17:19
  hunger, right, for more and for continuing to succeed and
• 17:23
  achieve. But when they hit that goal,
• 17:24
  they usually feel this rush of dopamine just for a very short
• 17:29
  period of time. And usually they're celebrating
• 17:32
  it alone in silence. You like you just they feel it.
• 17:35
  And then it's almost immediately followed by now what?
• 17:38
  Yep. What next?
• 17:40
  And did you experience that throughout your.
• 17:41
  I think you better learn that. I'll never forget.
• 17:45
  We're playing the Washington Redskins.
• 17:47
  They were the Redskins back in the day.
• 17:48
  My, I was my dad's team. Oh, really?
• 17:50
  Yep. And I run out and hit a 58
• 17:54
  yarder. There was just inside 59.
• 17:56
  And they didn't give me credit for it.
• 17:59
  And then I was so excited. It's in front of my mom and dad.
• 18:02
  My twin sister Annie's flown in from New Zealand.
• 18:05
  It's kind of surreal. It's in RK Stadium, the the
• 18:07
  Redskins are the reigning world champions at that point.
• 18:10
  And I wasn't ready for a field goal, which came a few seconds
• 18:13
  later, 47 year under. And I pulled it.
• 18:15
  And I'm like, OK, instant humbling.
• 18:18
  Just like golf, by the way, you know, he hit a great shot, feel
• 18:20
  like Jack Nicholas or Tiger Woods.
• 18:22
  And then suddenly, and then I got a hold of myself, kicked
• 18:27
  three more field goals. We're up 12, nothing at the
• 18:29
  half. And that was the longest field
• 18:32
  goal in the history of the NFL in the first quarter and the
• 18:34
  longest one in the history of RK Stadium.
• 18:37
  But if you're not careful, you get humbled very quickly.
• 18:42
  And the phrase I love, which coincides with Kobe and with
• 18:47
  Michael particularly Kobe is stay hungry and humble, which is
• 18:52
  a Rafael Nadal saying. But if you watch Kobe's career,
• 18:57
  the Mamba energy that he embodies and I'm sure he goes
• 19:02
  into in that book, relentless, he gets more and more humble.
• 19:06
  He is always saying to himself, it's almost an Asian thing,
• 19:09
  right? You're not so great.
• 19:11
  You're not so great. Shut up.
• 19:13
  It's never. Enough be enough and just your
• 19:17
  commitment to be the best. Not in every game.
• 19:23
  Derive your satisfaction from the person you become.
• 19:26
  And if you studied Kobe's career, he had a horrible, you
• 19:30
  know, legal case where he was accused of rape.
• 19:33
  And Aspen, I think it was her veil.
• 19:36
  I think it was Aspen. Any other person would have
• 19:37
  probably lost their marriage. He buys a $4 million ring, gives
• 19:41
  it to his wife and said, you know, instead of saying I'm
• 19:44
  taking responsibility for this, which could.
• 19:46
  Have been empty, could have been shallow.
• 19:48
  But it wasn't. It was his commitment to be the
• 19:50
  best person, and I'm so impressed as I look back at the
• 19:55
  person he overcame that was, you know.
• 19:59
  Women throwing themselves at him and shifting to being the best
• 20:05
  human being he could be in. The best leader?
• 20:07
  And now I have in my bathroom at my home a quote from him about
• 20:14
  the relentlessness of being great.
• 20:17
  And it's really relentless commitment to.
• 20:20
  Humility to be humble to God's gifts in you that you're taking
• 20:24
  advantage of. A lot of entrepreneurs,
• 20:28
  including myself, their initial Dr. stemmed from a deep
• 20:33
  unworthiness and a deep trying to prove yourself or protect
• 20:39
  yourself. And you had a very different
• 20:42
  upbringing than I did. It sounds like I'm, I don't know
• 20:46
  your upbringing, so I'd love to dive into that a little bit
• 20:48
  because it always fascinates me. Like were you always an
• 20:52
  overachiever? Like what was that journey for
• 20:54
  you? When did you fall in love with
• 20:55
  football? Who inspired you to start
• 20:57
  playing? Because people look at you and
• 20:58
  be like, all right, He's a tall, good looking white guy,
• 21:01
  privileged Dartmouth, Harvard, you know, the Hall of Famer
• 21:07
  worked under presidencies. Like you have it all right.
• 21:10
  And and I can already tell people are going to be like, I
• 21:12
  can't relate to this guy. I don't have this.
• 21:14
  I didn't grow up with this. I didn't.
• 21:16
  And I know, I know that there's so much more to the story.
• 21:20
  And I know you've overcome. I mean, you were, you were
• 21:22
  declined. What was it, 11 rejections?
• 21:24
  And you just kept going and going and going.
• 21:27
  And then you ended up being a world record champion.
• 21:30
  And So what was that childhood life for you like, because some
• 21:33
  people maybe didn't have a lot of pain and it really was all
• 21:35
  joy and abundance. And they were just really well
• 21:37
  supported and you had amazing parents, which is that's what we
• 21:39
  want for everybody. But a lot of people are also
• 21:41
  driven by that pain and unworthiness.
• 21:43
  What was it for you? Well, I think being open to
• 21:46
  mentors is really important, but for me, I flat out will say 2
• 21:53
  words that are used a lot now. Entitled and privileged.
• 21:57
  And my parents weren't really wealthy, but they were wealthy
• 22:01
  in terms of education and wealthy in terms of knowledge
• 22:05
  and commitment to each other. And so I was surrounded with
• 22:09
  great parents. And I'm not going to apologize
• 22:12
  for that because in the end, if we are entitled, if we are
• 22:15
  privileged, then what do we do with it?
• 22:17
  What do we do with it? And to me, I was always
• 22:19
  surrounded by people that said you, you know, to those that
• 22:22
  much is given, much is expected. And to grow up next door to a
• 22:26
  Supreme Court Justice, Byron Wizard White, who became a
• 22:31
  Supreme Court Justice for 31 years, Best friends with Bobby
• 22:34
  and John Kennedy, World Scholar in England, which is, you know,
• 22:37
  you go to Oxford and becomes friends with Bobby and John
• 22:40
  Kennedy and John Kennedy, Joe Kennedy, and whose father was
• 22:45
  the ambassador to England. And, you know, that's my next
• 22:49
  door neighbor who, oh, by the way, happened to lead the NFL in
• 22:53
  rushing twice for Pittsburgh and for Detroit, while he finished
• 22:59
  number one at Yale Law School. They're always are people that
• 23:01
  are better than you. And what do you do with it?
• 23:04
  Well, what did he do with it? He was #2 under Bobby Kennedy,
• 23:08
  before he became a Supreme Court Justice, and he commandeered the
• 23:14
  school buses with the US Marshals that he was in charge
• 23:17
  of to protect the marchers into Selma, AL.
• 23:20
  To be a figure, albeit a white human being, protecting the
• 23:25
  people fighting for their civil rights, that's my kind of hero.
• 23:29
  And so being surrounded by that and just thinking, what am I
• 23:35
  going to do to serve? And so I didn't know I was going
• 23:38
  to make it in the NFL. So I got a job working in the US
• 23:42
  Senate. And I think relentlessly I do.
• 23:46
  I love that word. I just knew if I just kept
• 23:49
  trying, there are 100 senators. If I get rejected by 99, then
• 23:52
  the 100th will hire me. And then suddenly you make it in
• 23:56
  the NFL. Gosh, what an incredible
• 23:59
  privilege to make it. But what are you going to do
• 24:01
  with it? And my life has been about
• 24:04
  service. First, something called Kick
• 24:07
  with Nick for cerebral palsy. And being smart enough, if you
• 24:13
  will, to want to align with a guy like Lee Steinberg, who is a
• 24:18
  famous. Have you heard of Lee Steinberg?
• 24:20
  I've heard of him, yes. Lee was the first agent to say
• 24:23
  athletes have an obligation to give back.
• 24:26
  So then you surround yourself with people that reinforce your
• 24:29
  best self. And here's Lee, making sure
• 24:34
  every athlete gives back to their communities.
• 24:36
  My aunt had cerebral palsy, so I thought, I'll honor her.
• 24:39
  She got her college degree even though she was spasticized and
• 24:43
  how she controlled her hands and her speech and her walking.
• 24:46
  She got a college degree, became a college librarian, became a
• 24:50
  professional writer. That's somebody to admire
• 24:54
  somebody. And so I've always loved working
• 24:56
  and supporting the underdogs. Right now, the homeless
• 24:59
  something called Champions for the homeless before that kick
• 25:02
  with Nick for cerebral palsy, thinking that like.
• 25:06
  Margaret, all of us have a. Hard not to get emotional about
• 25:11
  it. All of us have a wound.
• 25:13
  All of us have a shortcoming, a disability.
• 25:17
  And it may not be physical, but it's spiritual and triumphant.
• 25:25
  Triumphing over those things is such a life purpose.
• 25:31
  And then I had a great mentor. Who brought those things out for
• 25:35
  me? Dick Johnson, who'd almost died
• 25:37
  from hepatitis. And I met him and he told me
• 25:41
  the. Story The very first time we met
• 25:44
  he said I would have died six weeks ago except this kid
• 25:48
  appeared in my bed I hadn't thought of in 60 years this 10
• 25:53
  year old kid and he said Dick you were there when no one else
• 25:57
  would be. When I was being beaten up and
• 26:01
  bullied and you were the only one back in 4th grade that would
• 26:04
  stand up and stood up for me, it's my turn to say I'm standing
• 26:10
  up for you. You're not going to die.
• 26:13
  And every moment that I was coached by Dick Johnson, it was
• 26:17
  about gratitude. It was about making the most of
• 26:20
  what you have in your life and seeing this office as a place to
• 26:26
  honor God and and your gifts. I get a emotional about it
• 26:31
  because that's the essence. I think it's realizing great
• 26:36
  parents, how lucky could I be, Great mentors, great school, St.
• 26:40
  Albans, Washington, DC, great coaches.
• 26:44
  And, and I think then we get to the other subject which you
• 26:48
  probably heard of a few times and talked about, which is.
• 26:51
  Frequency. What is it that attracts us to
• 26:53
  the right people? Is is are we open to and
• 26:57
  magnetized to people that. Bring out that best frequency in
• 27:01
  US and what is our authentic frequency, you know, because I
• 27:05
  guarantee you have a frequency that inspires you to keep going
• 27:11
  when you're waking up with a cough or you got a headache or
• 27:15
  you want to hear somebody help somebody that's.
• 27:17
  Dying and you want to be there for them like we talked about
• 27:20
  this morning. Yeah, it's everything and thank
• 27:24
  you for sharing that. And you know, we talk a lot
• 27:27
  about values. I talk a lot about values.
• 27:30
  And one of my mentors who's a billionaire and he's just an
• 27:32
  amazing human like yourself. He's healthy and wealthy and
• 27:36
  wise and happy and well traveled and huge philanthropist and all
• 27:40
  the things. And he says that you have to
• 27:43
  live by your values no matter what and you cannot waver on
• 27:47
  them no matter what. And I realized that I was
• 27:50
  attracting so much chaos in my life because whether we think we
• 27:53
  are or we think we aren't, we're creating everything in our
• 27:56
  lives, right? And I was choosing chaos.
• 27:59
  I was choosing relationships that were taking from me and,
• 28:03
  and pulling energy from me and making me feel like contracted
• 28:07
  instead of expansive because I wasn't clear on what I stood
• 28:10
  for. I wasn't clear on what my values
• 28:12
  were and who I was. And when you don't have that
• 28:14
  clarity, then the universe can't bring you what is right for you,
• 28:20
  right? And so it sounds like you were
• 28:22
  just, you had such incredible mentors in your life and you
• 28:24
  knew what you stood for. You knew what your true north
• 28:26
  was and you attracted those right relationships and paired
• 28:30
  with an amazing foundation, which is so inspiring to me
• 28:33
  because that's literally my mission on this earth is to help
• 28:37
  people from their suffering and change the, the generational
• 28:42
  trauma that so many people have. Because many, you know, the
• 28:46
  world hasn't always been this place of abundance.
• 28:49
  It's been brutal. It's been fight or flight and
• 28:51
  pure survival. And a lot of people still now,
• 28:55
  but especially back in the day, didn't have great parents,
• 28:59
  didn't have great childhood, didn't have great education,
• 29:01
  didn't have access and proximity.
• 29:03
  And if they don't be the transformational character and
• 29:07
  change that, then that'll continue on generation to
• 29:09
  generation and will prevent humanity from from elevating.
• 29:14
  And so it's inspiring to see somebody who actually had a
• 29:18
  great foundation and had really great parents and had great
• 29:21
  opportunity and proximity and access to amazing mentors and
• 29:25
  relationships. And look what you were able to
• 29:27
  create with your life from that. And you didn't have to go
• 29:30
  unravel all this baggage that other people do.
• 29:33
  And you can carry that legacy forward and you can share that
• 29:36
  and help continue to elevate humanity.
• 29:38
  And it's cool to see, like it does actually work.
• 29:41
  You have a great foundation and a great support system and great
• 29:43
  relationships. You truly can create whatever
• 29:46
  you want. And it doesn't matter how many
• 29:47
  times you fail. Like, you were relentless in
• 29:49
  that pursuit. But you actually, it sounds like
• 29:52
  you actually enjoyed that journey, even through the
• 29:54
  failure. Yeah.
• 29:55
  And, and let's face it, it's not like it was always really clear
• 29:58
  to me. But by sticking with it, it
• 30:01
  becomes more clear and it's just as important to learn what not
• 30:06
  to do, to learn who not to hang out with.
• 30:09
  And unfortunately, sometimes we can only learn that by doing it
• 30:15
  and realizing it's not the right thing, it's not the right
• 30:17
  choice. And I think spiritually, I think
• 30:19
  certainly I believe in Jesus. I believe in there's a purpose
• 30:23
  for me. And being able to write down
• 30:26
  your goals. And the goal should also include
• 30:29
  not only a numerical thing like I want to hit every all 100% of
• 30:33
  my field goals inside 50 yards. I want to hit all my
• 30:36
  game-winning field. Goals, all those specific
• 30:38
  things. But then there's the most
• 30:40
  important goal, which is when I achieve those things.
• 30:42
  When I lead the league in scoring, when I make the Pro
• 30:45
  Bowl, when I kick the game-winning field goal on the
• 30:48
  Pro Bowl, which I did three times.
• 30:50
  The first time my parents weren't there, my friends
• 30:54
  weren't there. Except for my buddy Bob Graf, no
• 30:56
  one else was there. And I, I'll never forget.
• 30:59
  And being open to the lesson because if you feel that ache,
• 31:02
  what are you going to do with it?
• 31:04
  I felt this amazing blessing to kick a game-winning field goal
• 31:08
  against the NFC squad. And we had 17 Hall of Farmers on
• 31:13
  our team and they're running on the field and hugging me and go
• 31:16
  to the locker room and there's Jack Lambert and Earl Campbell
• 31:21
  and Dan Fouts and Steve Largent and Lynn Swann and some of the
• 31:25
  most famous players ever, John Hannah, all these amazing
• 31:29
  players. But as soon as the locker room
• 31:32
  emptied, was emptying, I felt a huge void.
• 31:37
  I'm like, what's missing? And what was missing was my all
• 31:42
  my friends in my family. I just said, if I ever make it
• 31:44
  again, everybody's, everybody's coming, my whole family,
• 31:47
  whatever. So I kicked two more
• 31:49
  game-winning field goals 10 years later. 12 years later,
• 31:52
  too. Waited a long time because the
• 31:55
  Chiefs weren't too good back in the 80s.
• 31:57
  But my mom and dad were in the front row.
• 31:59
  My mom and dad was there at breakfast the next day and
• 32:01
  dinner the night before. And it is so much more
• 32:06
  satisfying when you can share it with the people that will always
• 32:09
  be there for you, that have been there for you.
• 32:13
  And that's. So important in your goals is
• 32:15
  who do I share with and how do I want to feel when I achieve it?
• 32:18
  Because you see people that just sabotage themselves afterwards,
• 32:22
  because they made it to the mountain and they felt really
• 32:25
  more lonely, more alone, more isolated, more unsatisfied than
• 32:30
  they ever had. Did you feel satisfied or did
• 32:35
  you always feel unsatisfied? Like were you mentally, were you
• 32:39
  always just searching for more and feeling like you weren't
• 32:41
  really fulfilled? Or were you truly coming from
• 32:44
  that place of passion and abundance where you just wanted
• 32:46
  to master, you know, like human mastery and and share your just
• 32:51
  master your life. But because I always because I
• 32:54
  want to create personally for me, for my experience, I used to
• 32:58
  be creating from a place of lack.
• 33:00
  I used to be trying to feel something inside of me that was
• 33:03
  missing and never satisfied and like this insatiable, but from
• 33:06
  the wrong energy behind it, the wrong frequency behind it.
• 33:10
  And now I feel like the Sky's the limit.
• 33:12
  I could have infinite ability to create, but now it's coming from
• 33:15
  a place of like true abundance and love and passion and just
• 33:18
  want to be able to push my potential to the limit and how
• 33:21
  much I can help the world. For you, were you always
• 33:25
  operating from like that place of abundance or where was it
• 33:27
  driven? Was there a point where it was
• 33:29
  driven by fear? Oh, absolutely.
• 33:31
  I think there were levels of fear.
• 33:32
  And you begin to sort of like layers of a snake.
• 33:36
  You know, you shed those things, get rid of the snake and replace
• 33:41
  it with something spiritual. And starting with kick with Nick
• 33:45
  for cerebral palsy, realizing this is where the juice is.
• 33:48
  I'd noticed it already working in the Senate, serving, you
• 33:51
  know, AUS senator and and loving the work, but that's a little
• 33:56
  bit dry and with the kids, we'd add.
• 34:00
  United Cerebral Palsy All Star every year with Josh Rutter and
• 34:03
  then Joni Riser and Lissider Craddock.
• 34:05
  I still remember their names, William Tyson and these.
• 34:10
  Are kids that were just so full of joy, even though they had
• 34:14
  trouble tying their shoes. And, and so reminding yourself
• 34:18
  what really matters. And I think that's part of it is
• 34:20
  that you have created a clarity in terms of internal spiritual
• 34:25
  values that no one can take away.
• 34:29
  You can lose $1,000,000 on a or more on a real estate project,
• 34:34
  but working with the homeless now or working with Native
• 34:37
  Americans that have had their lands taken away, seeing people
• 34:40
  that have a serenity about them. I've got pictures with some of
• 34:45
  my homeless brothers and sisters and I call them my homeless
• 34:48
  brothers and sisters at Saint Vincent de Paul and they have a
• 34:51
  grace. About them, it's just I'm not
• 34:54
  sure if. I'd call it jealousy, but
• 34:57
  there's a piece they have because they know no one can
• 34:59
  take away their joy. And so being consistent, that's
• 35:04
  a big word I use now is consistency, which can only come
• 35:07
  from being clear who the hell you are and consistently putting
• 35:12
  on champions for the homeless. Our next one's August 9th at
• 35:15
  Saint Vincent de Paul downtown Phoenix.
• 35:17
  Can I come? I'd love for you to come and
• 35:20
  thank you and pissed up on that. And we serve 1000 homeless.
• 35:24
  We give away 1000 pairs of underwear, 1000 pairs of socks,
• 35:27
  500 women's bras, nice 500 pairs of of shoes, backpacks, 1000
• 35:35
  flowers, $1005.00 gift certificates to McDonald's just
• 35:38
  because that becomes sort of like a calling card from a
• 35:41
  volunteer to say, hey, would you like this?
• 35:44
  What's your name? How are you?
• 35:46
  And, and what we've noticed is we put a human face on the
• 35:50
  homeless in Phoenix that's completely missing in
• 35:54
  California, at least by how the government deals with it.
• 35:57
  Because there's one simple thing.
• 35:58
  If you treat somebody like you're seeing them as a human
• 36:01
  being, they know it and they know if it's not there.
• 36:06
  And that's the best gift of all. And boy, I'll tell you what, I,
• 36:10
  I'll pull up in the light. And it's such a simple thing.
• 36:12
  And I'm not saying it's, it's some transitory, some, you know,
• 36:15
  transcendent achievement. But I'll give 5 bucks to
• 36:18
  somebody and I'll look them right in the eye that they've
• 36:21
  got their sign. And I just, and I'll just say,
• 36:24
  how are you? What's going on, man?
• 36:26
  Be good to yourself. And they may spend it on
• 36:29
  alcohol, they may spend on food. But the gift of seeing somebody
• 36:33
  as a human being, by the way, that's true as a football
• 36:37
  player, if you're being seen as a stereotype as opposed to
• 36:40
  people to see you see you as a human being.
• 36:42
  We all need that as a insatiable need we have.
• 36:46
  And so many people that have volunteered for Saint Vincent de
• 36:50
  Paul and Champions for the homeless sake.
• 36:52
  I was retired and now I realize what was missing in my life.
• 36:56
  Playing golf was fun, but man, it didn't feel, it didn't fill
• 36:59
  that hole. And God gives us gifts,
• 37:03
  spiritual gifts. The more we do it, the more the
• 37:08
  gifts of intuition, being able to perceive something about
• 37:11
  people and also being able to discern who's good for us and
• 37:15
  who isn't. And you know, in the end,
• 37:18
  there's another equation. You do a lot of equations.
• 37:21
  I'm sure in real estate one of them is a simple thing if I help
• 37:25
  one. Person doing this, is it worth
• 37:29
  it? And if the answer is yes, you're
• 37:33
  doing something great. I I just love.
• 37:35
  It when during COVID, we made, we made Phoenix the first city
• 37:38
  to provide. I get emotional man, talking
• 37:41
  about this stuff. We made Phoenix the first city
• 37:44
  to provide free COVID testing for the homeless.
• 37:47
  And I'll never forget. And we had to have bags and
• 37:50
  gloves, etcetera. And there had to be some
• 37:52
  distance. But we're handing things to
• 37:54
  people and they're coming through the line and they're
• 37:56
  going, what are you're here still?
• 37:59
  I'm like, this is when we're needed the most.
• 38:01
  Why would we not be here now? And that bonded me to the
• 38:05
  wonderful people. Jessica Berg, Danielle McMahon,
• 38:09
  Jenna, Jennifer Morgan, Shannon Clancy, all the All Stars in
• 38:13
  Saint Vincent de Paul. They've they've been through, it
• 38:16
  hasn't been turnover. You notice that in any kind of
• 38:19
  company, right? When there's not a lot of
• 38:21
  turnover and they're being successful, they must be doing
• 38:23
  things. In terms of core values that
• 38:27
  really transcend the job description and and I want to
• 38:31
  surround myself with people like that.
• 38:33
  That's that is depth. To work with people like that, I
• 38:37
  have learned because when I was building, you know, of course
• 38:40
  I'm still building. But in the beginning, when I
• 38:42
  felt that scarcity and lack, I had that same mentality that
• 38:46
  most people have of, oh, I'll give once I have enough to give,
• 38:50
  right? And now I've realized you have
• 38:53
  to give first. You have to lead with giving.
• 38:56
  And even when you feel like you don't have enough to give.
• 38:59
  And people, I'd like to use the analogies.
• 39:02
  People want to earn money on their interest, on their money
• 39:05
  before they make a deposit in the bank, right?
• 39:08
  You have to make a deposit in the bank first before you can
• 39:11
  earn interest on your money. And when you give you feel this
• 39:15
  insane and immense gratitude and purpose and fulfillment that no
• 39:22
  wires for power. It's the only form of power that
• 39:26
  is unlimited. It's it's amazing.
• 39:28
  And so I'm I'm super excited because you service has been a
• 39:32
  part of your mission for a very long time.
• 39:35
  And you have the the Byron's tell us about the, the award,
• 39:38
  the honors. Isn't that so cool?
• 39:40
  There's a guy with my next door neighbor, Justice Byron Wizard
• 39:42
  White, and the NFL named its first major humanitarian award
• 39:48
  after him. And I'm, I remember meeting with
• 39:51
  him after I've been cut by, you know, 8 teams 10 times at that
• 39:56
  point. And I just said, you know, I'm
• 39:58
  working here in, in the US Senate hoping I can make it in
• 40:01
  the NFL. You did both.
• 40:03
  And tell me, you know, give me some advice.
• 40:06
  His advice was to try as. Many.
• 40:08
  Different things as you could and diversify yourself in life.
• 40:12
  And then regarding being a performer, teammate, shut up,
• 40:17
  get it done. People will respect you by how
• 40:19
  you perform, not by this. And then I win the award named
• 40:24
  after him. What are the chances of that?
• 40:26
  So yes, I've been privileged, been entitled, but I, I think
• 40:31
  all I could do is just do something with it.
• 40:33
  And I love the work 'cause I think I'm better now at doing
• 40:37
  this work and getting more people to do it.
• 40:39
  Today we were at the Arizona Humane Society and you just feel
• 40:46
  very quickly if a nonprofit has its.
• 40:49
  Values in the right place and if you haven't volunteered there by
• 40:54
  the way man they have a 72,000 square foot facility and.
• 40:59
  You can just tell people love it and they share the same value as
• 41:03
  Saint Vincent de Paul, which is there's no difference.
• 41:06
  There's no difference between the giver and the receiver.
• 41:11
  And if you get that, there's nothing better than that.
• 41:15
  And so that keeps me going because I know it keeps me in
• 41:20
  the right place and, and I get all emotional, but it's because
• 41:24
  I know God's working through me and that's humbling.
• 41:28
  And satisfying at the same time. What role has faith played in
• 41:31
  your journey? My you're good at this, by the
• 41:34
  way. I have a lot of practice.
• 41:36
  My parents didn't talk a lot about religion, but I did go to,
• 41:41
  you know, the National Cathedral School for Boys.
• 41:43
  I was an acolyte my senior year, which was always amusing.
• 41:46
  Because we'd have our Saturday night senior parties and then
• 41:50
  I'd be up at 5:30 in the morning serving communion and watching
• 41:55
  the the. Minister after we served the
• 41:58
  wine and there was some leftover watching him finish that off.
• 42:02
  So some some amusement there and in the heart of of a religious
• 42:06
  environment. But overtime, I really happened
• 42:10
  to meet people that made me more comfortable talking about God in
• 42:13
  their lives. And one of them was I've just
• 42:16
  been so lucky. Jesse Coulter.
• 42:19
  Jesse Coulter was married to the one of the great country singers
• 42:23
  of all time, Waylon Jennings. Waylon Jennings and Willie
• 42:26
  Nelson were a pair and then they they became the highwayman with
• 42:30
  Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson.
• 42:34
  And I met Jesse and we were very close for 10 years.
• 42:38
  And she was so comfortable talking about her face.
• 42:41
  So it helped me get more comfortable.
• 42:43
  But like as we were driving up here, we talked about that word
• 42:45
  authenticity. Has to be.
• 42:47
  Real, you know, and I think maybe also losing my mom and
• 42:51
  dad. Which was now 15 years ago and
• 42:56
  17 years ago and then losing my brother five years ago.
• 43:03
  You know, those are things that humble you and you just go, what
• 43:05
  am I going to spend my time doing in life that I'll never
• 43:09
  regret? And, and life is short.
• 43:12
  So that what is my purpose here and being able to be comfortable
• 43:17
  saying God, it's given me certain gifts.
• 43:20
  I better do something with them. And I just want to encourage
• 43:23
  anybody, whatever your your gifts are.
• 43:27
  If you can help one person. It may just be your son, your
• 43:31
  daughter, your husband, your wife.
• 43:34
  I mean that that can be all it takes.
• 43:36
  And it's amazing when you start noticing you're getting better
• 43:39
  at it and helping other people discover that because most of
• 43:42
  the people that are depressed in the world, it's because they've
• 43:46
  never tasted that feeling that they can help others.
• 43:51
  And again, it comes back to there's no difference between
• 43:54
  the giver and the. Receiver the the brain chemistry
• 43:56
  is the exact same thing. It's the exact same thing, in
• 44:00
  fact, the brain chemistry that is released of an observer.
• 44:05
  Of somebody giving to someone else is the same as.
• 44:07
  Well. So just being in that
• 44:09
  environment where you're doing that.
• 44:12
  So I think that that's what's happening today too, is people
• 44:15
  are beginning to connect to that truth that those are the things
• 44:21
  that really matter and that will never change.
• 44:24
  Yeah, I mean, that's what it's all about.
• 44:26
  That's the purpose of life is to help each other and continue to
• 44:29
  grow and elevate each other and operate from that place of
• 44:32
  abundance. And I had a lot of difficulty
• 44:34
  receiving anything growing up because it was a, it was a, you
• 44:40
  know, home filled with scarcity. So it was like if if you got
• 44:42
  something, it felt like you owed someone, right?
• 44:45
  And so I rejected receiving anything from anyone for a very
• 44:49
  long time. And then I realized the joy of
• 44:51
  giving and I realized that I was robbing the person that was
• 44:55
  trying to give to me by not accepting from them.
• 44:58
  And so it is a balance of giving and receiving.
• 45:01
  You can't just, you have to have a filled cup to give or
• 45:04
  something in your cup, right to give.
• 45:06
  And if you just and why are you working so hard, right?
• 45:09
  If you if you can't, it can't be fun if there isn't a sense of
• 45:11
  joy from it. Yeah.
• 45:13
  So giving and receiving. And just like you said, the
• 45:16
  dopamine in the brain when you get something is the same as
• 45:19
  when you give something. And you can't rob people of
• 45:22
  that, that joy either. And I just remember, you know,
• 45:27
  I've closed deals and made money and it was like all always that
• 45:31
  you get this high and then it's immediately like, now what?
• 45:33
  Now I got to go build more what's next?
• 45:35
  Or you feel that emptiness or whatever.
• 45:37
  It's like not truly fulfilling. But when I get a letter in the
• 45:40
  mail of someone saying that I saved their life or change their
• 45:44
  life from them watching my podcast episode or one of my,
• 45:48
  you know, pieces of content or one of the talks that I gave on
• 45:51
  stage or somebody came and sat me down and said, I want you to
• 45:55
  know, you changed my life and shared some things that they
• 45:58
  never share. Like there's nothing better.
• 46:02
  So I I was I got we got to do a fist book here.
• 46:06
  It's so cool. God just think of the the one O
• 46:11
  1 banquet is the chiefs banquet awards, banquets one of the two
• 46:15
  best probably. In the NFL in the morning after
• 46:19
  I'm in in the Western Crown Center in Kansas City and I'm
• 46:24
  having brunch with a friend. And I noticed a guy sitting with
• 46:28
  a kind of a dumpy sort of bill. Belichick cut off sweatshirt
• 46:32
  about 20 feet away. And as soon as my friend, my
• 46:35
  breakfast friend, left this man, I got up and walked over to me.
• 46:40
  He's an African American man, probably about 40 and.
• 46:45
  He said I got to tell you this, he said.
• 46:47
  You spoke to my Little League football team, and at that point
• 46:51
  I was maybe 11 years old and my mom was in prison.
• 46:55
  I didn't know where my dad was, and I remember thinking, I want
• 47:00
  to be like him, he said. So the second I had a chance, I
• 47:05
  purchased a home on a block about a mile from here, he said.
• 47:12
  And I wanted my mother to have a place to live when she got out
• 47:15
  of prison. He said today.
• 47:18
  I own every home on that block and it's all for people coming
• 47:21
  out of prison so they have a place to live.
• 47:24
  I'm thinking of the movie. Gladiator, what we do echoes in
• 47:27
  eternity, but it really does. And there's nothing more
• 47:30
  beautiful than that. Like So I don't ever stop from
• 47:34
  opportunities. My friend.
• 47:35
  Sue Ellen Freed, for all of you, look up Sue Ellen Freed, CBS
• 47:40
  This Morning. There's a wonderful story about
• 47:43
  her, this little Jewish grandmother who went to all 11
• 47:47
  prisons in Kansas every year. And she took me to Lansing
• 47:52
  prison every year for three years right before Christmas.
• 47:56
  And she had written three books on bullying.
• 47:58
  And I did some work on bullying and, and just seeming to see
• 48:03
  kids growing up with, you know, this anger inside.
• 48:07
  And so I actually met her through that.
• 48:09
  But then. She opened up to this other part
• 48:12
  of her life working with maximum security prisoners, murderers at
• 48:18
  Lansing Prison and. Something in me, I just not
• 48:22
  scared. If you watch this video, you'll
• 48:24
  see she's never felt scared. And she talks with this group
• 48:29
  and then what's called working with American Indians, as I have
• 48:32
  a talking circle, right? So everybody feels equally part
• 48:35
  of the group. And she does a talking circle
• 48:38
  with them and other volunteers. And a lot of them were Chiefs
• 48:42
  fans. There's about 40 minutes from
• 48:44
  Kansas City, and so normally they'd have about 25.
• 48:48
  I came and they were like 40. And almost all of these people,
• 48:52
  you would not know unless they told you that they'd committed
• 48:56
  murder. And I'm not going to defend what
• 48:59
  they did. I don't.
• 48:59
  Even know what they. Did except.
• 49:02
  That they were. In prison for murder, but the
• 49:05
  man that ran it, you would never know.
• 49:07
  One or two of them, you'd go, OK, OK, but who doesn't deserve
• 49:13
  compassion? I mean, it's one example for
• 49:15
  Jesus. Was tax collectors the most
• 49:19
  hated of all prostitutes? And he gave them grace and they
• 49:25
  suddenly went, wait a minute, my life can be something better and
• 49:28
  bigger. And I just think that's such a
• 49:30
  great gift. To us to say, I can have
• 49:33
  compassion for. Somebody that's homeless,
• 49:37
  somebody that's, you know, had everything taken from them and
• 49:41
  and the man that ran it, he had confronted his girlfriend.
• 49:46
  She was cheating on him with another man and it was an act of
• 49:52
  passion and killed her. And he was going to be in prison
• 49:56
  the rest of his life. But there's no no energy of self
• 50:02
  condemnation. It was just I can help these
• 50:05
  people maybe not make mistakes that I did.
• 50:07
  I can help help them and in so doing help myself have meaning
• 50:12
  in my life now. And I think that's the worst
• 50:14
  prison sentence when you are denying somebody a sense while
• 50:18
  they're still alive to still have meaning and purpose.
• 50:22
  Even if it's just the the cellmate that you give a sense
• 50:25
  of a love. And somebody who's a maximum
• 50:29
  security prisoner, it's a different kind of conversation,
• 50:33
  right? But they deserve love too,
• 50:35
  because if they can give love, then at least their last months,
• 50:40
  years, decades are filled with something that.
• 50:44
  God's in charge of, not us so. And that's ultimately what
• 50:49
  humans want. You, you mentioned it earlier,
• 50:51
  seeing people, you know, I always think, how many people a
• 50:56
  day do others not see? And so I think about that when
• 51:01
  I'm running around and I've got my 14 hours schedule, I'm going
• 51:05
  to the next thing, get it, the next call, next meeting, next
• 51:08
  this, next that pick up, let's go here.
• 51:10
  And I'm like, how many people am I not seeing?
• 51:12
  And I'm just going through the motions, right?
• 51:15
  And so I try to be, I was meeting with a client in New
• 51:17
  York City around Christmas and we were at the Waldorf and
• 51:23
  having dinner. And I he, he was just, he was
• 51:28
  the first time he had met me. And I at the end of like the
• 51:32
  time he's like, I've never seen someone see people as much as
• 51:38
  you see people like you. Just you make eye contact and
• 51:42
  you're with them and you're present with them and your
• 51:44
  energy is there. And you know, most people are
• 51:47
  just like, thanks, next, you know, whatever.
• 51:49
  And they don't, they're not even looking at people, right.
• 51:51
  And we like how you treat your waiters and how you treat your
• 51:54
  servers and how you treat the gross people and how you treat
• 51:56
  prisoners like they all we want as humans is to feel seen, to
• 52:01
  feel heard and to feel protected.
• 52:04
  And when we don't feel seen, heard and protected, well, First
• 52:07
  off, when we do, we're able to create whatever we want in our
• 52:10
  lives. Like you went on and and did and
• 52:12
  you, you felt seen, you felt heard, you felt protected.
• 52:14
  And you went on and you were like, I could do whatever I
• 52:16
  want. And I'll tell you what there's
• 52:17
  the most unprotected experience that can be is in the middle of
• 52:20
  a football field as a as a kicker with, with a skinny
• 52:23
  little single bar right there. Only my porn star mustache
• 52:28
  protecting me and my tiny little shoulder pads.
• 52:33
  But you get to, you can get to a point where you do you are
• 52:35
  protected anyway. Yeah, but like as a person,
• 52:38
  right? Like you feel safe as a human
• 52:40
  and people who don't feel safe as a human, like they don't like
• 52:45
  they're on the streets, right. Or something like that.
• 52:48
  Doctor Gabramante talks about this.
• 52:49
  He's a trauma there, but he says if a child does not feel seen,
• 52:53
  hurt or protected in their childhood, that's what opens.
• 52:57
  That is the primary trauma in them.
• 52:59
  And that's what opens the door to other traumas that end up
• 53:02
  impacting their lives and end up leading to them making very bad
• 53:05
  decisions like murder. And so ultimately, though,
• 53:10
  that's what we want is as humans, and that's what really
• 53:12
  drives us to whatever we do, whether it's for the better or
• 53:17
  for the worse. We ultimately just want to feel
• 53:19
  seen, heard and protected in our lives.
• 53:21
  Yeah. And I would say if there's
• 53:23
  something I'm not as good at as I'd like to be, it's when I see
• 53:28
  people that physically look fine and financially look fine,
• 53:33
  they're going through their own stuff.
• 53:35
  And giving them that space that they probably have their own
• 53:42
  challenges too, rather than Oh well, they don't deserve, you
• 53:47
  know, I got to focus on the really obvious ones.
• 53:49
  And I think that's a mistake. I think, you know, we get caught
• 53:53
  up though. We get caught up in being so
• 53:55
  busy that it's. Hard when we start budgeting our
• 53:59
  compassion. Some of the richest people I've
• 54:02
  met are some of the sickest and inside, you know, spiritually.
• 54:07
  And I just saw a talk at that event, Jesse Itzler was speaking
• 54:11
  and he said, if you have a billion dollars here
• 54:14
  financially, but you're 0 here spiritually, a billion times 0
• 54:18
  is 0. But he goes, but if you have a
• 54:20
  billion here spiritually and you have $1.00 financially, a
• 54:24
  billion times 1 is still a billion.
• 54:26
  And he's like, my father was a billionaire spiritually.
• 54:29
  And not everybody's going to make it financially and be super
• 54:32
  rich and build all this wealth or become an NFL star or
• 54:36
  anything like that. But everybody could care the
• 54:38
  most. And everybody can be a
• 54:40
  billionaire spiritually. And I think that's something
• 54:42
  that is missing, you know, people that I mean, you have so
• 54:45
  much passion for giving back and for helping others.
• 54:49
  And you could tell that you're definitely a billionaire
• 54:52
  spiritually, but. Well, thank you.
• 54:55
  We just got work to do though, and it's not really work either.
• 55:00
  And I think I've been given the privilege of being around you
• 55:04
  today. And you know, once again, we're
• 55:07
  sort of like a spiritual pinball, whatever we want to
• 55:10
  call it, pinball. Wizards, I guess because we're
• 55:13
  bouncing off an energy which can replicate and hopefully create
• 55:18
  other opportunities as well, you know, and then suddenly, how
• 55:21
  often, let me ask you this, how often are you on a plane if you
• 55:26
  don't have your own jet plane? I don't.
• 55:28
  Not yet. But I'm always amazed at the
• 55:31
  people sitting next to me and how they happen to be sitting
• 55:35
  next to me. It's incredible how often that
• 55:37
  happens. So there's that law of
• 55:39
  attraction again. It's.
• 55:41
  Incredible. You know, we, we were talking
• 55:43
  about on the car ride up here, the importance of mentors and
• 55:46
  heroes in our life. And you obviously you've
• 55:50
  mentioned it multiple times and Byron was a mentor that I
• 55:53
  believe you said you moved in next to him when you were six
• 55:55
  years old and you ended up going and very closely following his
• 55:58
  path of the NFL and in the White House and all these things.
• 56:02
  And then you mentioned another mentor, like how critical is it
• 56:06
  to have mentors in your life if you want to realize your
• 56:08
  potential? And what were the key lessons
• 56:11
  that you learned from yours throughout your journey?
• 56:13
  Well, I think a mentor needs to have a spiritual depth.
• 56:17
  And that's a that's a prerequisite.
• 56:20
  And just as you want them to see how great you might be.
• 56:27
  You want to be. Able to do that for other people
• 56:29
  as well. And Dick Johnson from the very
• 56:33
  the very first time I'm walking away from our Buick Blue station
• 56:38
  wagon. The National Cathedral is
• 56:40
  looming over the playing fields at Saint Albans and I'm walking
• 56:45
  towards this older man who's going to who wants to coach me
• 56:49
  and kicking. I've never met him before.
• 56:52
  And as I'm walking over he goes, did you thank her?
• 56:55
  I went. What, did you thank her?
• 57:00
  Did you thank your mom for giving you a ride?
• 57:02
  And I was so embarrassed. Like, no, I didn't.
• 57:05
  They said, well, she just took 30 minutes to drive you over
• 57:08
  here. But that was just interrupting
• 57:11
  that. All those things we take for
• 57:12
  granted and that was what was so great.
• 57:16
  And I will tell you it's not a coincidence that as he coached
• 57:20
  me over the next two years, I'm being recruited.
• 57:23
  By Ohio State and Stanford and Ivy League schools and and our
• 57:29
  last game. So the last week we're
• 57:32
  practicing against Landon to get we're going to be playing the
• 57:35
  league leader Landon school, our big rival, one of the old two
• 57:39
  oldest schools in Washington, private schools in Washington.
• 57:43
  And Dick had convinced our head coach, Gary Gardner, another
• 57:48
  man, wonderful mentor, for me to practice as if we were down by a
• 57:53
  point. We had to kick a game-winning
• 57:55
  field, but we had to drive the length of the field and then do
• 57:58
  it. And sure enough, the last game
• 58:00
  of my high school. Career we're playing against
• 58:02
  Landon it's raining it's muddy it's.
• 58:08
  Windy and we're down 7 to 6 and I'll never forget.
• 58:14
  It's just it's straight out of a movie script and we somehow
• 58:20
  executed in the midst of terrible conditions.
• 58:22
  No timeouts left. And I run on the field in the
• 58:27
  midst of the mud and the rain and everything and kick a 43
• 58:30
  yard field goal that literally goes through in the last second,
• 58:34
  literally as the gun went off at the end of the game, went
• 58:37
  through. And we beat Landon 9:00 to 7:00.
• 58:40
  And about 10 years ago, they had a banquet where they'd found a
• 58:45
  video of that game. And it's amusing to watch
• 58:49
  because the Landon fans thought, well, this guy's never going to
• 58:51
  make him feel like that. We won the league championship.
• 58:53
  Yeah. So they're all running on the
• 58:55
  field after I kicked it. And then there's a delay of
• 58:58
  about two seconds. And then all, all the Saint
• 59:01
  Albans fans run on the field. But that was, that was a sign to
• 59:05
  me that last second how, what are the chances of that?
• 59:08
  But a mentor can help you prepare and do things you never
• 59:12
  thought you could do. And I think that's just high
• 59:15
  school. People ask what's the best field
• 59:17
  goal you ever kicked to the biggest 1.
• 59:19
  And I tell them that's as important as any other kick
• 59:23
  field goal I ever kicked. That was a sign I could do
• 59:26
  something special. And, and pay attention to Dick
• 59:30
  Johnson and he coached me through college, coached me
• 59:34
  through the 1st 10 seasons in my NFL career.
• 59:36
  And he was the one saying while I was being rejected, just keep
• 59:39
  going. You know, I missed two extra
• 59:42
  points against the Redskins and playing for the excuse me for
• 59:45
  the Redskins my second season trying to make it.
• 59:50
  I'd never missed an extra point before in college.
• 59:53
  And, you know, I could have said that's not a good sign.
• 59:58
  I ended up having the highest percentage ever of extra points,
• 1:00:00
  562 of 568, because I just kept going and learned to make the
• 1:00:06
  adjustments and. It worked out.
• 1:00:10
  Yeah, I think a great mentor believes in you more than you
• 1:00:13
  believe in yourself and had bigger dreams for you than you
• 1:00:17
  do. And that's what I've learned
• 1:00:19
  from mine is, you know, they've told me you think you're
• 1:00:23
  thinking big and you're thinking so small and you have no idea
• 1:00:27
  what's in store for you. You think you do and you have no
• 1:00:29
  idea. And just that go get out there,
• 1:00:33
  go out there naked and alone in front of 80,000 people and just
• 1:00:38
  do it and just keep pushing through that.
• 1:00:39
  And, and it's AI could not be anything that I am without my
• 1:00:44
  mentors and coaches in my life. And that could be as easy as
• 1:00:48
  reading books. Like for me, I read Rich Dad,
• 1:00:50
  Poor Dad, when I was 13. And I've said Robert's been my
• 1:00:52
  mentor since I was 13. Now, I only met him two years
• 1:00:55
  ago in real life, but his books have been my guide and he has
• 1:00:59
  been my mentor, my hero for a long time.
• 1:01:02
  And now, like, that could be a podcast, right?
• 1:01:05
  That could be a seminar, a conference when you don't
• 1:01:08
  necessarily need to have. Cause some people ask me that.
• 1:01:11
  It's like, how do I find a mentor?
• 1:01:12
  I'm like, your their mentors are everywhere.
• 1:01:14
  And that's what's so nice about the world now is that mentorship
• 1:01:17
  can be. So it's access is everywhere.
• 1:01:19
  You could watch YouTube university and learn everything.
• 1:01:23
  Yeah. And but when you can have that
• 1:01:24
  one-on-one mentor too, it's, there's nothing like it because
• 1:01:27
  you build that relationship and they just keep pushing you
• 1:01:30
  forward through those failures because you, you don't like, I
• 1:01:34
  always believe I either win or I learn.
• 1:01:37
  And I think that was also a Kobe Bryant thing.
• 1:01:39
  But it's like, you only fail if you quit.
• 1:01:41
  And I am never going to not finish something and quit
• 1:01:46
  something. I'm just going to keep
• 1:01:47
  reiterating and keep learning and keep going just like you did
• 1:01:50
  through 11 failures. But most people just don't have
• 1:01:55
  the resilience in them to keep pushing through.
• 1:01:58
  And they give up right before they hit the goal and they give
• 1:02:00
  up right before they become a Hall of Famer.
• 1:02:02
  And you didn't. And, and a big piece of that was
• 1:02:05
  because of the mentors that you had in your life.
• 1:02:07
  Yeah. There's something about you,
• 1:02:08
  though, that you were, you had the confidence to get into real
• 1:02:12
  estate. I mean, I'm sure there are other
• 1:02:14
  women in real estate, but not many and big projects, non
• 1:02:18
  commercial real estate. What made you think I can do
• 1:02:21
  that? Oh, well, I read rich dad, poor
• 1:02:23
  dad, and he talked about owning apartments.
• 1:02:25
  So I was like, I'm going to own apartments.
• 1:02:26
  And I just, you know, I, I never, people always ask me
• 1:02:30
  that. Like I never thought of myself
• 1:02:32
  as a female in real estate. I'm just, I'm just a real
• 1:02:35
  estate, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a real estate investor.
• 1:02:36
  I know exactly what I want to create in my life.
• 1:02:38
  Like I never thought about my gender.
• 1:02:40
  I was like, this is what I'm doing this, but I'm going for,
• 1:02:42
  but I've been living in a man's world forever.
• 1:02:44
  I was raised by two older brothers who were very
• 1:02:49
  challenging to grow up with, but I was just always comfortable
• 1:02:53
  around men. I that's all I knew.
• 1:02:55
  I actually, I never had a sister I didn't have.
• 1:02:57
  My mom was the man of the house. So I just was always that very
• 1:03:00
  alpha, like masculine. It was, I was just in that
• 1:03:03
  world. And so getting into a world of
• 1:03:06
  commercial real estate where I was surrounded by men.
• 1:03:08
  And even now, all my team members are men at my companies
• 1:03:12
  except for I have four women and the rest out of, you know, 30
• 1:03:19
  are males and most of them are older than me, right?
• 1:03:22
  And so I saw it just hasn't been something that was like, weird
• 1:03:26
  to me. And I understood how to
• 1:03:28
  communicate with men. And I just figured, like
• 1:03:31
  everything that somebody could tell you is your greatest
• 1:03:34
  disadvantage is also your greatest advantage.
• 1:03:37
  And I actually want to ask you that question is like, what was
• 1:03:39
  one of your greatest advantages on the field that was a
• 1:03:42
  disadvantage for you in your life?
• 1:03:44
  Because I know that there's that polarity.
• 1:03:46
  Well, Marty Schottenheimer came in when we were not a good team
• 1:03:50
  at the end of the 80s and he. Pulls me in.
• 1:03:53
  He was meeting with every single member of the team.
• 1:03:56
  He's the new head coach. He'd been a very good coach for
• 1:03:59
  Cleveland and now he's our coach and I'll never forget.
• 1:04:02
  He goes, Nick, you're smart. Problem is you're too smart.
• 1:04:07
  I don't know how kickers are. He goes, you make kicks, you'll
• 1:04:11
  be here if you don't. I've got 6 phone numbers right
• 1:04:13
  here. But that was that reputation and
• 1:04:17
  Ivy League football player. You think too much.
• 1:04:20
  You're just too overly analytical and what I.
• 1:04:23
  Loved was Marty was like just get it done.
• 1:04:26
  And I loved the very simple, intense, get it done, do
• 1:04:31
  whatever I want to see. You pull every stop to be the
• 1:04:37
  best you can be. And now we're part within one
• 1:04:40
  year. We have a full Arrowhead
• 1:04:42
  Stadium. After 23,000 season tickets, we
• 1:04:45
  go to 80,000 full stadium because everybody could feel
• 1:04:49
  that we were really a team. Again.
• 1:04:52
  That liability of just learning to focus and to not overthink,
• 1:04:58
  but to control my thoughts and to put it into good hard work.
• 1:05:03
  That was, I think that was a liability.
• 1:05:05
  I think sometimes we overthink, right?
• 1:05:07
  We don't trust our skills. One thing that I'll say as of
• 1:05:13
  towards the end of my career, I figured out.
• 1:05:15
  As you're moving towards the football, it's 1.27 seconds, so
• 1:05:19
  the balls snap back in eight tenths of a second and in under
• 1:05:22
  half a second the balls caught. Spun, put down and spun and
• 1:05:26
  kicked and in those last tenths of a second I would say to
• 1:05:33
  myself. Left foot I was a right footed
• 1:05:35
  kicker which was point my left foot right at the target.
• 1:05:39
  And explode. And that was my trigger.
• 1:05:41
  That's was my permission, to not try to be too perfect the way
• 1:05:46
  God's made our brains. Is the self-conscious brain is
• 1:05:51
  very crude and when we're self-conscious, the large muscle
• 1:05:55
  groups work and we lose that touch and so explode meant go
• 1:06:04
  for it, attack it. Because the brain has learned
• 1:06:07
  through hundreds of thousands of kicks how to kick, how to throw,
• 1:06:11
  how to run, all those natural emotions and you have to give
• 1:06:14
  them permission, give them the freedom to do what they know how
• 1:06:19
  to do. And from that point on, I went
• 1:06:20
  from 77%, which already was the highest percentage ever to 87%.
• 1:06:26
  And no one in the NFL was above 80% at that point.
• 1:06:28
  So I finished at 80% but. Those those were really
• 1:06:32
  important lessons for me. But was there also something
• 1:06:35
  really I wanted to talk about? Oh, my mother, you know, I, you
• 1:06:39
  talk about mentors and I, I don't know your situation in
• 1:06:44
  great detail, but I think about the influence of our parents,
• 1:06:48
  the character of our parents. My mother was grew up in Cairo,
• 1:06:54
  Egypt. Her father was a British
• 1:06:56
  diplomat. He was killed in a plane
• 1:06:58
  accident when she was 14. They moved back to England.
• 1:07:02
  She was in the first full class of women at Oxford and was in
• 1:07:07
  the women's intelligence officers.
• 1:07:11
  And she was sent, she spent, she spoke literally the best German
• 1:07:16
  in England. And so she was sent, I knew, to
• 1:07:21
  interrogate or question Hitler's record keepers after the war in
• 1:07:25
  Berlin. But then I found out ten years
• 1:07:28
  after she died and she'd kept a secret, which was she was sent
• 1:07:31
  to document the death camps. And I bring that up because you
• 1:07:35
  think of the deep character of your parents, the fact that she
• 1:07:40
  just was not going to visit that level of evil and dark energy
• 1:07:46
  that she was exposed to, not just for a week at Dachau and
• 1:07:51
  several of the the death camps. Which is the worst?
• 1:07:56
  Inhumanity anybody had ever done to other human beings and then
• 1:08:02
  presenting about that for almost 2 years in London after the war
• 1:08:05
  and how she could absorb that and yet not visit that on to us.
• 1:08:14
  You think about the level of love.
• 1:08:16
  So there's some almost indirect contributions.
• 1:08:19
  Our parents, if we are lucky to have great parents, not
• 1:08:22
  everybody is that she didn't want to visit that on to us and
• 1:08:28
  the at the same time that the love it took to just hold that
• 1:08:33
  in. So just an example, I think of
• 1:08:36
  some of the sometimes the influence of our parents is the
• 1:08:41
  discipline to not share their own traumas.
• 1:08:47
  Otherwise, it might be due to one of your earlier points.
• 1:08:50
  Visit that generational curse to hold it back so that she doesn't
• 1:08:55
  visit a generational curse on to her children.
• 1:08:58
  Yeah. What did you have to sacrifice
• 1:09:01
  to get everything that you gained in your life?
• 1:09:04
  I think you have to sacrifice being willing to put yourself.
• 1:09:06
  Out there, I think you have to learn to get over your own ego.
• 1:09:10
  And that's that's a hard thing to do as an athlete because you
• 1:09:15
  spend a lot of your career and your life as a child admiring
• 1:09:20
  Mickey Mantle and Sandy Kovacs and Michael Jordan and Joe
• 1:09:24
  Montana and Vince Lombardi and you know, all these great
• 1:09:28
  people. And the ego serves a purpose in
• 1:09:33
  helping us go. I want to be like that.
• 1:09:36
  I don't want to be like that but over time.
• 1:09:39
  If we're lucky, we realize we need to transcend from the
• 1:09:43
  appetites of the ego recognition, all the
• 1:09:47
  temptations, women, money, you know, attention and replacing
• 1:09:53
  that with how we grow spiritually.
• 1:09:55
  And so I think sacrificing is sacrificing yourself concept.
• 1:10:02
  How did you deal with the fame? Because most people, I don't
• 1:10:06
  know if I should say most, but many, many people, they don't
• 1:10:10
  make great decisions with fame. And you had it all.
• 1:10:14
  I mean, you're like the epitome of what any man could ever
• 1:10:17
  aspire to be. And well, well, seriously, I
• 1:10:21
  mean, what else could a man think of?
• 1:10:23
  What could be better than what? Like literally what?
• 1:10:26
  What? There's not one thing that you
• 1:10:28
  have it all. So what?
• 1:10:30
  How did you deal with that? Because you had, I'm sure you
• 1:10:34
  had every single woman throwing themselves at you.
• 1:10:36
  You were obviously extremely famous.
• 1:10:39
  You are a champion. You're like, what?
• 1:10:42
  There's always somebody. That's what the ego does too,
• 1:10:45
  right? There's always somebody that has
• 1:10:46
  something you don't and learning what what was somebody that you
• 1:10:51
  thought had something that you didn't?
• 1:10:53
  Oh, you think somebody else is better looking?
• 1:10:55
  Somebody's got a better girlfriend, somebody's got a
• 1:10:57
  better contract, somebody's getting more attention.
• 1:11:00
  There's always somebody. There's always someone.
• 1:11:02
  So, you know, getting out of that comparison trap and
• 1:11:06
  comparing and being the better person that you can be, you
• 1:11:08
  know, making it that one lane, making sure that I can be the
• 1:11:13
  best. That I can be.
• 1:11:14
  Did you find yourself comparing yourself to other people a lot
• 1:11:17
  or were you pretty held in? I'll just, I think it's
• 1:11:20
  impossible, not early in your career, especially impossible
• 1:11:24
  not to do that. And as a kicker, you're a bit of
• 1:11:29
  an. Isolated person.
• 1:11:31
  You're not with six other linebackers, you're not with
• 1:11:35
  seven other offensive lineman, you know, and there's no backup
• 1:11:39
  kicker. And so not too many other people
• 1:11:42
  really understand what you're going through quite and you just
• 1:11:46
  have to do your job. But then trying to be a good
• 1:11:50
  teammate, that helps. So I was a player up
• 1:11:53
  representing my teammates through two strikes and and also
• 1:11:57
  trying to expose my teammates to some of the.
• 1:11:59
  The benefits of of doing the work with kids with cerebral
• 1:12:02
  palsy or inner city kids, you know, I did that appearance at
• 1:12:06
  that guy reminded me of at the Weston Crown Center saying I
• 1:12:12
  spoke to his Little League team with a guy named Kevin Ross.
• 1:12:15
  Kevin, but was a coach here at the Cardinals and then with
• 1:12:19
  Bruce Arians there and also in when they won the Super Bowl,
• 1:12:23
  beating my Chiefs. And so there's some real almost
• 1:12:28
  like a fine wine, realizing that your teammates can share a
• 1:12:35
  special experience with you. Maybe you've exposed?
• 1:12:38
  Something to them and being open to them, exposing you and
• 1:12:42
  teaching you too. Derek Thomas, who was.
• 1:12:46
  One of the great players of all time, doing some things with
• 1:12:50
  him, with inner city kids. Yeah.
• 1:12:54
  But I think just getting over your, your big old ego, you
• 1:12:56
  know, yeah, I'm all that and allowing yourself to be human.
• 1:13:01
  Does your ego ever play a role of destruction in your life?
• 1:13:05
  If you're spending all your time comparing yourself to other
• 1:13:08
  people rather than focusing your energy on what you can do with
• 1:13:11
  these opportunities, then it it it could.
• 1:13:14
  No, but for you self-destructive I I will say I I didn't drink a
• 1:13:19
  lot, I didn't do drugs. I think maybe not focusing on.
• 1:13:27
  A satisfying relationship with a woman, that was that was a hard
• 1:13:31
  thing. Finding somebody that would be
• 1:13:32
  comfortable not being uncomfortable with your own,
• 1:13:37
  your success and letting them feel important, that's a
• 1:13:41
  challenge that took a while. Did you ever end up getting
• 1:13:44
  married and having kids or no? No, never been married, no kids.
• 1:13:49
  Not that I know of. Did you want to get married and
• 1:13:52
  have kids growing up? You know.
• 1:13:55
  It's so funny. I just, I wanted to be the one
• 1:13:58
  guy they could depend on in the in my first ten years with the
• 1:14:01
  Chiefs. And so it was hard to find a
• 1:14:04
  relationship. It's one thing to find somebody
• 1:14:06
  that's attractive. It's another thing to find
• 1:14:08
  somebody that's educated. The hard thing is to find
• 1:14:12
  somebody that has deep values, that is worldly, that's aware of
• 1:14:15
  the big world out there. Having grown up in Europe, in
• 1:14:19
  Germany and England, that was hard in Kansas City.
• 1:14:22
  But some of that was my own ego. Just just wanted to make sure.
• 1:14:25
  Protect myself. Speaking of protecting, I
• 1:14:27
  protected myself maybe by not getting so emotionally invested
• 1:14:33
  as I might have been. But it's also hard to find some
• 1:14:36
  way that gets you, you know, it gets the level of pressure that
• 1:14:39
  you're under. One thing this book is about too
• 1:14:41
  is is I think we have a very unhealthy notion of pressure
• 1:14:45
  pressure and can be neurotic pressure.
• 1:14:48
  Pressure is a privilege. But pressure is what you know.
• 1:14:52
  Proverbs 2717. You know iron sharpens iron.
• 1:14:55
  You can't get to another level without challenging yourself to
• 1:14:59
  put yourself under enormous levels of pressure, but also
• 1:15:03
  having the commitment to do the work so that you can handle it.
• 1:15:07
  Do. You regret not getting married
• 1:15:10
  and having children? Or are you grateful?
• 1:15:13
  I'm happily single and I think that.
• 1:15:18
  Where I'm at in my life now is I think if you spend your time in
• 1:15:23
  any relationship wanting to bring out the best in the other
• 1:15:26
  person, I think we overthink. Speaking of overthinking, I
• 1:15:30
  think we overanalyze, and I think if you.
• 1:15:35
  Can say I'm bringing out the best in that person and they
• 1:15:37
  bring out the best in me. That's that means you've got the
• 1:15:41
  fertile soil of a great. Friendship, and it may not end
• 1:15:44
  up being anything more than that, but that's something
• 1:15:45
  really special. And then from there it's
• 1:15:49
  possible something special can happen, and that's where I'm at.
• 1:15:54
  I ask because I you know, I'm I just turned 30 and I'm single,
• 1:15:59
  happily single, but also always have that thing in my head of
• 1:16:03
  well, do I want it? Like should I find the right
• 1:16:04
  part? I would like to find the right.
• 1:16:06
  I think I would, but then I'm not sure whether like all these
• 1:16:08
  things right is like, oh dude, should I do I want kids?
• 1:16:10
  Do I not want kids? Because it's hard when you're
• 1:16:12
  playing this infinite game is there's and that's why I wonder
• 1:16:16
  how you do because I was similar to you.
• 1:16:18
  I mean, it was an Ivy League, but I was always the top of my
• 1:16:20
  class, you know, summa cum laude engineering grad, full ride
• 1:16:23
  scholarship, building real estate companies, building My
• 1:16:25
  Portfolio, doing it all with nobody to protect me, nobody to
• 1:16:29
  fund it. Like all on me, me, myself and I
• 1:16:32
  protecting myself, building myself because I didn't have I
• 1:16:35
  didn't have anybody to to support me.
• 1:16:37
  I didn't have a, you know, a family that had any sort of
• 1:16:41
  affluence or education or anything like that.
• 1:16:43
  And so I think I got so good at protecting myself and like
• 1:16:49
  living independently and building this amazing life,
• 1:16:52
  right? You, you had what you could
• 1:16:55
  control. Then bringing another person in,
• 1:16:57
  there's a loss of control. Yeah.
• 1:16:59
  Because when you build such an, well, First off, when you are
• 1:17:04
  operating at a standard of the .01% of humanity, or let's just
• 1:17:12
  call it the country, that pretty much eliminates 99.99% of
• 1:17:19
  prospects of a partner. Because you're not going to be
• 1:17:22
  with somebody that is a anchor and drags you down.
• 1:17:25
  You're only going to be with a sale that expands your life and
• 1:17:28
  helps you even more to grow and to feel joy and love and impact
• 1:17:33
  and all these things, right? But when you realize, like so
• 1:17:36
  many people are not going to add to your life and they don't live
• 1:17:42
  by the same standards and they're not, well, that's
• 1:17:48
  another thing. And then it's like, well, what
• 1:17:49
  do you, what do you have to, And I don't want to, I don't like to
• 1:17:52
  think of it as I have to sacrifice something or like lose
• 1:17:56
  something to gain this. I want to think of actually,
• 1:17:58
  when you add another like 1 + 1 is, you know, much more than two
• 1:18:03
  and not like 1 + 1 is, you know, half of 1/2 of me, right?
• 1:18:08
  But it, it's challenging. It's, it's challenging to think.
• 1:18:10
  I, I, I spent a lot of not, not a lot of time thinking about it,
• 1:18:13
  but I do think about that because I could definitely be
• 1:18:16
  happily single forever and probably probably never get
• 1:18:19
  married, never have a kid. And I would be totally fine
• 1:18:21
  because I have such amazing relationships.
• 1:18:22
  I have such a big purpose and mission that I'm on.
• 1:18:25
  I have, there may be another time when you grow into that and
• 1:18:29
  that'll become more important. Yeah, but it's just, but also
• 1:18:33
  doesn't really give me hope that you stayed single forever,
• 1:18:36
  didn't end up having kids. I was like, I almost got married
• 1:18:39
  15 years ago, but I'm really happy I didn't, you know, I
• 1:18:46
  mean, I, I don't really want to go into all the details with
• 1:18:49
  that, but it's just say. But what it did teach me,
• 1:18:51
  Speaking of a word that's overused, is the idea of
• 1:18:54
  narcissism, right? I mean, we can only control our
• 1:18:58
  own narcissism. And and that's the the antidote
• 1:19:02
  to narcissism is empathy. If you don't have empathy and
• 1:19:06
  you don't see that other person. Yeah.
• 1:19:09
  And I realized and seeing that in the other person, I better do
• 1:19:12
  my own work. So there was a gift from that.
• 1:19:17
  But it's a gift that needs to keep on giving too, right?
• 1:19:20
  Because if you're happily single, hopefully it's not just
• 1:19:22
  because it's just all about me, you know?
• 1:19:25
  No, Yeah, I get that. But it's also some people, a lot
• 1:19:29
  of people have really bad relationships because they're
• 1:19:31
  trying to fill a void with another person and they're not
• 1:19:35
  building from a place of wholeness.
• 1:19:36
  And so it's just toxic. And you're trying to like get
• 1:19:39
  your happiness from this other person.
• 1:19:41
  And I feel like we have to be whole.
• 1:19:42
  I hate the term you're my other half.
• 1:19:44
  And like, no, no, no, you have to be whole.
• 1:19:47
  You have to be whole on your own.
• 1:19:48
  And you, you 2 should help each other be even more than whole
• 1:19:52
  together, but not like you're filling this void inside of me.
• 1:19:55
  Because I think if you're trying to build a relationship from
• 1:19:57
  this place of lack, then and it creates toxic relationships,
• 1:20:01
  which unfortunately most people don't have happy relationships
• 1:20:04
  long term. I mean, your, your divorce
• 1:20:06
  rate's super high and that's just after you're married, not
• 1:20:10
  to, not to mention like your breakup rate before you're
• 1:20:12
  married, when you, when you're gay or when you're dating or all
• 1:20:14
  of that. And so, but it's like, I want to
• 1:20:17
  believe that you really can create an amazing relationship
• 1:20:21
  long term and help each other continue to feel expansive and
• 1:20:24
  to grow and all that. But you it's, it's cool though,
• 1:20:26
  that to hear that you don't regret, you know, which is.
• 1:20:29
  You know, it's funny because the people who should be reproducing
• 1:20:34
  in the world, right, are the ones that are like, Nope, not
• 1:20:39
  having kids. And then the ones that
• 1:20:42
  shouldn't. On the other hand, I worked with
• 1:20:44
  thousands of kids and yeah, right, we.
• 1:20:46
  Haven't even talked about all the 20 years I did my fellowship
• 1:20:50
  at at Harvard after my master's and did a leadership program
• 1:20:54
  with native kids and seeing the humanity and kids have, you
• 1:20:58
  know, often gone through very high rates of alcoholism and
• 1:21:01
  abuse. And my own assistant was
• 1:21:04
  sexually abused as a, you know, as a kid.
• 1:21:07
  And she is found through her faith, real power.
• 1:21:13
  But she had to transcend that and so I have had children in a
• 1:21:18
  different way. Yeah, like chosen family.
• 1:21:21
  And those skill sets you can continue to grow in.
• 1:21:26
  And to me, in the best relationships, you just go,
• 1:21:30
  gosh, I want to be with that person because I can learn from
• 1:21:33
  them. And and vice versa.
• 1:21:35
  That's where you feel really something great.
• 1:21:37
  You can learn from each other. Yeah, it's funny.
• 1:21:40
  That's what I was thinking too. I would always say that that I
• 1:21:45
  wanted to help so many people that I felt like just pouring
• 1:21:50
  all my energy into my own one child was less than what I could
• 1:21:55
  pour into thousands of children. But I think you could do both.
• 1:22:00
  I think people have challenged me now it's like you can do
• 1:22:02
  both. You can have your own children
• 1:22:03
  and forward to them and you could help thousands of children
• 1:22:05
  and have this. You know, we always have my
• 1:22:07
  mentors says we have these bricks on our head.
• 1:22:10
  We're all walking around with bricks on our head and we tell
• 1:22:12
  ourselves these stories to support whatever paradigm we're
• 1:22:17
  telling ourselves. And it's usually complete BS.
• 1:22:20
  And we just have to like reframe the story and understand what
• 1:22:23
  where the root of it comes from. But we're going to wrap up here
• 1:22:26
  soon with rapid fire. But I do want to go back real
• 1:22:29
  quick to something that you said earlier.
• 1:22:31
  You said we all have a wound, You know, some of it's physical,
• 1:22:35
  some of it's spiritual, some of it's mental, some of it's
• 1:22:37
  emotional. What was your wound that you had
• 1:22:41
  to really deal with and battle through?
• 1:22:43
  And overcome. I guess thinking that you're not
• 1:22:47
  good enough, you don't fit in. I mean, certainly an Ivy League
• 1:22:51
  football player in the NFL, in some ways it's harder.
• 1:22:53
  I think that's the most important one to address is if
• 1:22:57
  you're just never good enough. And The funny thing is, you
• 1:23:03
  know, having the most accurate kicker in NFL history, but then
• 1:23:07
  you're missing one out of five kicks, you know?
• 1:23:11
  And and also, like I said in that amusing thing, you make 24
• 1:23:15
  in a row and they remember you. The lady remembers the one you
• 1:23:18
  missed, and that that is the. Purest definition of real
• 1:23:22
  leadership as you're signing up for criticism, unfair criticism,
• 1:23:27
  and even today made-up criticism, you know, our
• 1:23:31
  leaders, they're having to deal with the real leaders are being
• 1:23:35
  confronted by, you know, lies sometimes and, and just
• 1:23:41
  realizing that when you bring about change, like you said,
• 1:23:44
  haters are going to be there, but don't focus on them.
• 1:23:47
  Focus on the contribution you're making because in the end,
• 1:23:51
  that's really satisfying realizing you're giving meaning
• 1:23:54
  and purpose and, and the sense of being seen to other people.
• 1:23:59
  That's a beautiful thing. Yeah, I think I heard something
• 1:24:02
  one time that said you can't be grateful and depressed at the
• 1:24:06
  same time. And when you're feeling
• 1:24:09
  depressed or I'm not good enough for this unworthiness, it's not
• 1:24:13
  coming from a place of gratitude, but when you shift
• 1:24:16
  into that gratitude, which is why the humanity haven't used
• 1:24:19
  that word yet. But it's gratitude.
• 1:24:21
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 1:24:22
  It's gratitude for everything. And when you do the humanitarian
• 1:24:26
  work, it creates more gratitude in you because you actually,
• 1:24:29
  you're not living in your own little bubble around whatever,
• 1:24:33
  you know, teammates better than you were competitor that's
• 1:24:36
  better than you. You're like actually in the real
• 1:24:37
  world of of the pain that exists out there and can be placed in
• 1:24:42
  that space of gratitude. And that's where that lack goes
• 1:24:47
  away. And we don't feel this ego of
• 1:24:50
  all I need to get better, right? It's wow.
• 1:24:52
  I'm so grateful, I'm so blessed and I'm just cherish this life
• 1:24:56
  that I've been given in these gifts that I have.
• 1:24:58
  So I think it's so important to put yourself in those
• 1:25:02
  situations, and I want to do more of it.
• 1:25:03
  That's a big mission of mine is the philanthropy and really just
• 1:25:07
  helping people, helping change lives and helping, and I know
• 1:25:11
  I'll never end it, but helping people with their suffering and,
• 1:25:14
  you know, one life at a time. And and then that that's how you
• 1:25:18
  slowly make ripple effects in the universe for generations to
• 1:25:22
  come, you know, and because that changes legacies so and those
• 1:25:26
  ripple effects become tidal waves.
• 1:25:28
  Yeah, they do. All right.
• 1:25:30
  School of Hard Knocks. Rapid fire.
• 1:25:32
  OK, how old are you when you became a millionaire?
• 1:25:34
  Oh, gosh, 32 the line of business.
• 1:25:37
  Were you in? Football professional NFL Kansas
• 1:25:40
  City Chiefs Hall of Famer. I was the best paid kicker in
• 1:25:44
  the NFL, and of course today they're being paid 10 times more
• 1:25:46
  than I was, but it wasn't too bad.
• 1:25:49
  Yeah, adjusted for inflation, it's the same, Yeah.
• 1:25:52
  What's the best piece of advice you ever received?
• 1:25:54
  I think what we've talked about, which is just never give up.
• 1:26:00
  They ever give up because every time you don't give up, you get
• 1:26:04
  back on it. You know, get back on the horse.
• 1:26:07
  To me, the better analogy is the tree.
• 1:26:09
  Each time you get back up, you're on a slightly higher
• 1:26:11
  branch, and that branch allows you to see relationships and
• 1:26:15
  opportunities you would not have seen otherwise.
• 1:26:17
  So keep going to the point where you begin to have more
• 1:26:20
  perspective on that and you're aware of what you've learned,
• 1:26:23
  how much you've grown as a human being, and you connect to people
• 1:26:27
  that you wouldn't have met otherwise.
• 1:26:30
  Who is your hero and why? Lots of heroes.
• 1:26:35
  I will say John F Kennedy absolutely, because of I feel
• 1:26:40
  like I'm. Trying to take his baton.
• 1:26:42
  I'm friends with the RFK junior now and you know what?
• 1:26:46
  Once again, talk about unfair criticism and yet look at the
• 1:26:49
  change taking. Out all the poisons out of our
• 1:26:51
  food supply. You know, most people
• 1:26:53
  criticizing him really don't see all the amazing things that he's
• 1:26:57
  doing against entrenched money, etcetera.
• 1:27:00
  So John R Kennedy. Bobby Kennedy and and and
• 1:27:05
  Winston Churchill Winston Churchill, his awareness of
• 1:27:08
  history, his willingness to stand against.
• 1:27:12
  All the people that hated. Him when he's saying you don't
• 1:27:14
  understand what's this threat this Nazi threat, you don't
• 1:27:17
  understand the the history that's the being replicated by
• 1:27:22
  this man named Hitler. And to have the guts to stand
• 1:27:26
  alone the way he did and then to be able to articulate like no
• 1:27:30
  one ever had. And to create that sense of
• 1:27:33
  resolve with the British people when Germany was 26 miles away
• 1:27:38
  across the British channel. And to help people re engage and
• 1:27:44
  realize it was so obvious that it was over.
• 1:27:48
  And yet he turned around the the nation.
• 1:27:50
  We and certainly the United States helped, you know, and I
• 1:27:54
  studied actually FDR and the rise of Roosevelt and 32 versus
• 1:28:01
  the rise of Reagan and 82% of the Senator Tom Eagleton.
• 1:28:04
  But I have to give the nod to Winston Churchill just being so
• 1:28:08
  isolated and being able to articulate.
• 1:28:11
  And powerful, poetic ways to stir up people's sense of
• 1:28:16
  purpose and hope in the midst of.
• 1:28:19
  This juggernaut that was going to wipe out, you know,
• 1:28:24
  everything we knew. And so with all due respect to
• 1:28:27
  what obviously the Americans did to turn around the war, we
• 1:28:31
  needed Winston Churchill to stand there all along this tiny
• 1:28:34
  little island. And what he went through, you
• 1:28:38
  know, he had. And with Gallipoli and some of
• 1:28:40
  his early campaigns, some horrendous mistakes, yet he kept
• 1:28:44
  coming back. And what a remarkable human
• 1:28:49
  being to be able to articulate poetically the way he did.
• 1:28:53
  I don't think anybody's ever really been much better than
• 1:28:56
  him. Yeah.
• 1:28:58
  What was the biggest failure you overcame in your life?
• 1:29:00
  Well. Lots of failures, I would say.
• 1:29:04
  I had three missed field goals against the Cleveland Browns and
• 1:29:09
  it was horrible. I let down my team, kick the the
• 1:29:12
  field. Goal that tied the game, but
• 1:29:14
  then I missed three-game winners and.
• 1:29:18
  I was I the next day the Kansas City * had a cartoon of me as a.
• 1:29:24
  Clown with a spring coming out of my head and I'd I'd got into
• 1:29:28
  that game as the most accurate kicker in NFL history and
• 1:29:31
  suddenly one game. And the last?
• 1:29:32
  Few minutes, seconds of that game suddenly.
• 1:29:36
  I'm an. I'm a.
• 1:29:37
  You know a loser. And it taught me the level of
• 1:29:43
  loyalty of other people is exaggerated.
• 1:29:47
  And I just said I'm never going to.
• 1:29:49
  I'm not going to worry about Marty Schottenheimer.
• 1:29:51
  I'm not going to worry about anybody else.
• 1:29:54
  I'm just going to be better than I've ever been.
• 1:29:57
  And I'm going to learn how to to strengthen my inner core.
• 1:30:02
  And I went on to kick at 87% at a level I never had before.
• 1:30:06
  Led the league in scoring. Pro Bowl Pro Bowl, Pro Bowl All
• 1:30:09
  Pro All Pro All Pro. 24 field goals in a row. 21 field goals
• 1:30:14
  in a row, 22 for 24. Those three years are about,
• 1:30:17
  I'll stack up against any kicker and in lots of bad conditions,
• 1:30:21
  too. And the Chiefs were winning then
• 1:30:22
  we were in the playoffs. So it was, you know, just
• 1:30:25
  finding myself at a whole new level.
• 1:30:27
  But it takes that deeper resolve to dig deeper.
• 1:30:32
  And we often are digging in territory, inner territory.
• 1:30:36
  We never, we're really not sure what we have.
• 1:30:38
  There's only one way to find out.
• 1:30:40
  You could send one text to younger self.
• 1:30:42
  What would it say? Love yourself.
• 1:30:45
  Keep loving yourself while you're you're going for the
• 1:30:48
  gold. And if you could leave one
• 1:30:51
  message with the younger generation, what would it be?
• 1:30:53
  There's no difference between the giver and the receiver to
• 1:30:55
  tap it to that energy and your life will be full of joy.
• 1:30:59
  Thank you so much for coming on the show, Nick.
• 1:31:01
  You're amazing. Thank you.
• 1:31:03
  So are you?