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676. How to Stop Seeking for Permission First · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: If you felt a lot of misogyny surrounding you, you might need to go find some really great women.
0:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Who can show you, like you don't need to live under those rules.
0:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need permission from men.
0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't need anybody's permission except for your own.
0:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the Beat till you see it podcast, where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor, and fit this business coach.
0:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:32
[SPEAKER_01]: My friends, action brings clarity.
0:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's the antidote to fear.
0:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
0:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
0:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, be a babe.
0:57
[SPEAKER_01]: How are you?
0:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, welcome to our week.
1:00
[SPEAKER_01]: My solo series is going to be on permission and this is actually come from some people on my team who were listening to the pod.
1:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like a permission to be permission to become and it made us go like so why do we feel like we need permission?
1:12
[SPEAKER_01]: right what's going on there.
1:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So this today's episode is going on like a why do we feel like we need permission, especially for my lady's listeners out there and there's a few good men and I think it's important that you kind of, I think you should listen to this because I think it's important.
1:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You might understand like why we are the way we are.
1:28
[SPEAKER_01]: It just makes you better human right?
1:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And then on Thursday, instead of a recap episode, it's actually going to be on how do we stop second guessing ourselves so that we're not, you mean to ask permission
1:40
[SPEAKER_01]: into in this research, I found some really great resources and so we'll also have links to my sources in the episode shown out.
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But I just kind of was thinking about this play.
1:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So I remember in the sixth grade, I had a teacher and I was Mrs. Scott.
1:59
[SPEAKER_01]: She had lots of plants.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I was a great great class.
2:01
[SPEAKER_01]: She looked a little scary.
2:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to lie.
2:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, who's older, I've been teaching for like 40 years by the time I got there.
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, you can't ask, can I go to the bathroom?
2:10
[SPEAKER_01]: with me.
2:12
[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, if you ever say can I do something, I'm going to ask you, I don't know, can you?
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember thinking like, what a stickler.
2:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Why does she so mean?
2:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And now, as I was researching this episode, I was like, what a fucking badass she was.
2:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how cool that she was making sure that as a sixth grader, we are understanding that we
2:36
[SPEAKER_01]: could go to the bathroom on our home.
2:38
[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't ask need as permission.
2:39
[SPEAKER_01]: If we could go to the bathroom, we need to ask permission to leave.
2:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Like the other question was actually like may I go to the bathroom.
2:47
[SPEAKER_01]: It's what she wanted us to understand.
2:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So like may I do X Y and Z because she's like you are completely capable of doing these things.
2:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's really interesting how in our live, especially when we learn by looking at people's racial expressions and emotions, the sound and their voice, we're seeking out permission, right?
3:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh, is it safe to be here?
3:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it safe to do these things?
3:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Am I safe to do this?
3:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And then because of that,
3:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It also just starts to roll into all the things that we do on a daily basis.
3:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we start finding ourselves like asking permission for live things.
3:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And so in the research, I was doing there are some really great anecdotal stories of people, the author's lives who used to be like their parent or role model, and then how that shifted to them asking permission as well.
3:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just found it really interesting how easy it is for that to become some sort of, like habits, the wrong word, but just like maybe it's the right word, but just because part of our daily life,
3:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I used to work on retail before I was a plies instructor and even as a plies instructor, I would hear this thing where people would go mostly women, or you'd ask my husband, or you'd ask my partner, or you'd ask my spouse.
3:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was interesting because most of these people were not like housewives who had no job, and this was not there income and by the way, like it's another conversation, but also, you know, if you are the house manager, you are allowing the person who's making that money to be able to make that money because you're making the life so much easier than have to do all these things.
4:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's a different story.
4:12
[SPEAKER_01]: But these are women who like brought income in as well.
4:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's just really interesting to me.
4:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And I will say whenever I say I'm your last night husband, it's because I actually haven't made a decision.
4:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And or I'm trying to nicely say no to you, but I don't want to say no yet.
4:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will say I, it's a nice phrase to you.
4:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But.
4:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I just remember thinking like do they have to ask, is this something they're asking permission for?
4:34
[SPEAKER_01]: They really love it.
4:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember them like loving how they looked in a purse or a necklace, like just absolutely loving it and then asking like, hey, what do you think?
4:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And then that person going, I think you can look better in this and then just like not getting the thing they want and getting the other thing.
4:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just remember going, oh, this is going to not be used or it's going to be returned.
4:55
[SPEAKER_01]: because they really want the other thing, right?
4:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, at any rate, why is this happening?
4:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Why are these women mostly asking for permission to be, to like, to desire, to have, to own?
5:06
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's get into it.
5:08
[SPEAKER_01]: First, these are some questions that I thought would be fun for you to journal about, pose, ponder on this week.
5:16
[SPEAKER_01]: What leads me to seek social approval before making a decision?
5:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it a personality trait?
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Could it be a lack of self-esteem or is biology a factor?
5:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So I kind of thought that that would be fun for you to think about for your own personal thing.
5:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you feel a tendency to seek approval, social approval before making a decision?
5:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it part of your personality?
5:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think it's because you're not sure about trusting yourself or is it a biology effector?
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's something that's going to come up in this topic as well, and in the research talks about permission gap.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And so permission gap is a phenomenon stemming from socialization that emphasizes the care taking and prioritizing others needs over personal desires.
5:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically, we tend to think that we need to ask if we can do something or before we do something seek out permission or approval because we believe or feel we should be put at other people needs before our own needs and our own desires.
6:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And so if we're going to do something that could be something that's more for ourselves, prioritize in ourselves first, that we feel like we need permission.
6:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hey, can I do this thing?
6:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll say just before I record,
6:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Brad and I were redoing the schedule and we are recording a podcast tomorrow night when we normally would be at the gym and I didn't say, hey, can I go to the gym in the morning?
6:34
[SPEAKER_01]: You normally go to the gym with me at Wednesday night and go, hey, can I go in the gym in the morning?
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I just say, hey, I'm going to go to the gym in the morning, right?
6:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that could be taken as rude.
6:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I can see how some people think that is rude, but also like he knows that getting my Wednesday workout in is a priority for me with a very, very busy schedule.
6:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hope he knows I'd love for him to come, but I also know he's not going to get up at stuff in the morning.
6:57
[SPEAKER_01]: He's not going to do it.
6:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why we do one Wednesday.
6:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will say I do understand that sometimes some of the things that I say or do can sound a little rude to people on the outside.
7:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I can understand why sometimes we use permission as a way to asking for permission as a way to just like be thoughtful.
7:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do think it's important to know what you're doing.
7:16
[SPEAKER_01]: What you're doing, otherwise you are living in this permission gap.
7:19
[SPEAKER_01]: This phenomenon stemming from socialization that emphasizes the care taking of priors and other needs and others needs and over our personal desires.
7:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe you don't think you need permission.
7:29
[SPEAKER_01]: That's also possible.
7:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully that's true.
7:31
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also just wanted to bring up some phrases that you might be saying or thinking that could actually be like a yellow flag that you're asking permission.
7:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever said, I've always wanted to a link.
7:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I've always wanted to go on a trip by myself.
7:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always wanted to learn how to do X Y and Z. I've always wanted to try that.
7:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always wanted to buy that.
7:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always wanted to explore this.
7:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I've always wanted to, if that is something that you are pondering, then somewhere along the way, you,
8:05
[SPEAKER_01]: either didn't ask or didn't feel like you had permission to do the thing, right?
8:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it means like you just didn't have the time or the money at the time that that's also true.
8:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But like if you always wanted to go back and get a doctorate, what is stopping you?
8:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it social approval?
8:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, then we need to look at that.
8:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, is it like a self-esteem?
8:23
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to look at that.
8:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it at myology factor?
8:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, or is it like, hey, lack of time and money right now?
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But also, is it lack of time and money?
8:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we're giving it to other people and prioritizing their needs over ours.
8:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever said, I stopped myself because I stopped myself, find that thing from doing that thing.
8:40
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying that thing from signing up from that thing.
8:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I stopped myself because I have a lot of friends and family who I hear them say, like, oh, I was going to do that, but I didn't because and it's usually because of somebody else.
8:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone else was coming to town.
8:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone's just doing this.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But a lot of people who want to be more consistent allies, but they aren't because there's always so many things coming up.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, like literally my schedules never the same week to week.
9:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It is not possible.
9:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So I literally had to say to the team, between I don't do anything before 9.15 a.m. And I am done with my day at 4.30.
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to fit everything into that because I need to know that I can before 9.15 and after 4.30, I can do whatever I need to do.
9:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to know that.
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's really, really important that you're just kind of taking notice, to a little audit about what you're saying, about what you're not doing, that you didn't do.
9:28
[SPEAKER_01]: No, look, if you didn't want to do it, then don't do it.
9:33
[SPEAKER_01]: do that, right?
9:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Or do you ever feel you need someone to tell you it's going to be okay?
9:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, do you seek support because maybe you think your idea or how you are feeling is crazy?
9:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Or you secretly wanting someone to stop you?
9:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, are you asking permission because actually you are secretly wanting someone to stop you from doing it?
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
9:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So I thought this was really funny when I was like researching for this.
9:56
[SPEAKER_01]: So I remember I can tell you where I was in LA driving my car when the woman who taught me Pilates, her name is Julie, which is my first Pilates instructor in LA, which taught me Pilates, I could barely afford it.
10:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was going every other week for a duet and then I was doing as much as I could remember on the mat at home and between.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And eventually I was able to afford a weekly do-at, which is very, was a challenge for me I was able to do it.
10:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had this like inkling.
10:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I wonder, I wonder if I could learn how to teach the matwork.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I could teach it out her studio.
10:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And that could pay for my Pilates sessions.
10:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember like being on a call with her and she's talking about like, I'm the studio from the other owner and She's really excited and like what that means and I was like, um, you think like it's going to be okay if I like like taught met classes
10:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And then she said, oh my god, Leslie, you need to become a teacher, like, but I remember needing at that time the Leslie at that time needed permission to become a applies instructor because I honestly thought I was a little bit crazy.
11:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Part of me maybe wanting me to further them to talk to stop me, like before I invested in something I couldn't afford, right?
11:06
[SPEAKER_01]: But like I definitely was asking permission to belong in the Pilates Teaching Community at that time because I went to school for communications.
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So I definitely know that there's parts of my life that was I was absolutely asking for permission, especially the younger me, especially the way, and I'll tell you you'll see why, because I'm going to go over some primary reasons why we're asking for permission, but like, you know, obviously then we're comp new get the more you do things, unless you feel like you need to prove it from others and I do think that after 40 like there's certain fox that go away and then I've heard after 50 even, you know, even less fox to give, but like,
11:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Hopefully, right, hopefully we have future versions of us that ask for less permission, but I remember that Leslie, I think I was was in 2007 and I did my first training in 2008.
11:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, that how old was I then?
11:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, like 25 right.
11:53
[SPEAKER_01]: So anyways, like I remember needing needing approval and permission to make that leap.
11:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's go into some primary reasons why and just see which ones of these resonate with you.
12:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So societal conditioning and gender roles, from a young age, many women are taught to be nurturing and pleasing, often prioritizing family and partners over their own ambitions or needs.
12:13
[SPEAKER_01]: The social conditioning makes pursuing more, feel selfish or unnatural.
12:17
[SPEAKER_01]: This, for sure, I'm definitely on the oldest child I definitely took care of my siblings.
12:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember one of the times I got in trouble, I didn't do one of the chores that I was assigned.
12:27
[SPEAKER_01]: But that chore couldn't get done unless my siblings had done their chores.
12:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And so because I hadn't done their chores, I couldn't do mine.
12:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did this other thing that I wanted to do.
12:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I read the book.
12:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I loved love to read.
12:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I got in so much trouble because I should have made sure they got their chores done, right?
12:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And so,
12:44
[SPEAKER_01]: just remembering these things when you're a child, these different things, it's suicidal condition.
12:48
[SPEAKER_01]: No, my parents ask holes.
12:50
[SPEAKER_01]: No, of course not.
12:51
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just being parents doing the best they can and making mistakes along the way.
12:55
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's interesting how we pick up on things like, oh, well, I better not read for myself next time because I should be making sure they are doing what they're supposed to be doing.
13:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, next example, the good woman, ideal and guilt.
13:09
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a lingering cultural narrative that suggests women should be grateful for what they have, leading to the feelings of guilt or shame when they desire more.
13:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is a really interesting, right?
13:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you can see it in lots of different things, like the time I'm recording this, you know, I watched the women's hockey team for the Olympics, like,
13:29
[SPEAKER_01]: win gold and also by the way the women's hockey has not been in the Olympics in since you know it's only been there since the 90s and in since then like we've metled so much metled as much as the men in a much shorter period of time right and when you look at how women's sports are supported they're supported you know states because of title nine which means that money has to be invested in women's sports of those men's sports
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it means that, you know, on subconscious levels, like everything that we're wanting is because of somebody else, so we should be so grateful.
14:02
[SPEAKER_01]: We should be so thankful.
14:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And when women do often ask for more, they're often told like people label them like terrible things, like she's money hungry or she's, you know, what is it?
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: what they call people who like climb the ladder or they and they take other they seem people that's like they're taking people down but they don't say the same thing when a man doing the same thing right so we we learn to be what a good woman is and should be just grateful that we have that another reason why might be asking for permission is fear of judgment women often fear being perceived as demanding selfish or too much when they vocalize their desires this stems from a culture that often judges women who step outside traditional
14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: 100%.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we could all remember an example of either their ourselves or some we know who did something and somebody said something about them.
14:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes they're often compared to another woman who didn't do that thing and it's like, well, she didn't do it.
14:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And so now they're putting women in, and of course you're like, well, I guess when you compare those two, then she is too selfish, but like, is she?
15:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Is she?
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Do they do that with men?
15:05
[SPEAKER_01]: lack of representation, a lack of role models who are un-pulled, un-apologetic about their desires can make women feel that they need to wait for approval validation or the right time, the right time.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll just go to wait for the right time.
15:20
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like, no, I don't remember anybody in email in my life cousins, brother, being told to wait for the right time.
15:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll go get it.
15:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to go get it.
15:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't you go talk to them?
15:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Why don't you go put yourself out there?
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
15:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, Leslie, be careful.
15:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to talk too much.
15:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you don't want to be too loud.
15:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is the permission gap.
15:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is the space between when I'm women wants and what she actually does often filled with self doubt and the belief that someone else needs to validate her worth.
15:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's space between what a woman wants and what she actually does.
15:54
[SPEAKER_01]: She wants to go back to school, but she stays home to care for everybody because asking for help, or asking for people on her community to take Tuesdays and she'll take Wednesdays.
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, who, who, what, I would she will do that.
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Who is she?
16:09
[SPEAKER_01]: She's selfish.
16:11
[SPEAKER_01]: right need for safety and responsiveness and sexual relational context women often need to feel safe and emotionally connected to access their desires because they may not feel comfortable acted on their own they may wait for a partner to initiate or create the right conditions.
16:25
[SPEAKER_01]: So this one I put in there I just wanted to keep it because permission to be often when you do research you'll see that there's a lot of permission to fill where the permission to fill their desires desires can be sexual but also you could just desire
16:38
[SPEAKER_01]: to have a better life, right?
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Desire means a lot of different things.
16:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But I will say, if you are having any, like not having the understand of what you truly desire and it comes to sexual needs, please look at our episodes with Dr. Celeste Hallbrook and please read her book, especially those who are raised in the church and purity culture, but in kind, even if your parents were super serious about it, they're definitely things we could talk about in permission to feel desirable if you were at all raised around purity culture, in any way.
17:07
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, last one, or primary reasons why you might feel you need permission, internalize misogyny.
17:13
[SPEAKER_01]: A patriarchal culture at the often-made values female desires can lead to women minimizing their own needs, which in turn, you'll need for external permission to assert their own agency.
17:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we all know someone who've internalized misogyny can think of a bunch of women in our political government right now and it's annoying because okay well great you're a pick me girl like you're in but you think they're going to care for you think you're going to take care of you know you think that when you have an idea it's going to be used know you're going to have to push it through some other mail right so like.
17:44
[SPEAKER_01]: internalized misogyny is something that honestly can happen with that your own decision, right?
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it happens because of society, it happens because of the patriarchal culture.
17:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And so unless you can get yourself out of that situation, you might not even see what you're doing.
17:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I highly recommend if you have, you felt a lot of misogyny is surrounding you, you might need to go find some really great women who can show you, like you don't even live under those rules, you don't need permission from men, you don't need anybody's permission except for your own.
18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's be real.
18:13
[SPEAKER_01]: That is harder to do.
18:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what we're going to talk about.
18:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Episode two, we're going to definitely get into how to stop second guessing yourself because just saying, okay, here's all these things.
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: This is why it's so hard for you.
18:24
[SPEAKER_01]: This is so hard for you to not answer for mission.
18:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean you're just going to ask for like stop asking for permission.
18:30
[SPEAKER_01]: These are habits you have.
18:31
[SPEAKER_01]: These are things you say.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like you automatically will say when something's expensive, especially when I can't afford that.
18:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of saying, oh, I'm not investing in that right now.
18:38
[SPEAKER_01]: That is something that I'm really, really proud of like how I changed my tune on that instead of when something was more like is more money that I have instead of saying I can't afford that I'm not investing in that right now or that's more than I want to invest in that project or that's more than I want to invest in that thing right now all of that makes it a choice versus I'm a victim I can't afford it right now right it means I'm not asking for permission to buy something I'm asking I'm stating why I'm not buying the thing I don't need the permission.
19:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So it takes time.
19:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So just be mindful.
19:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think having the awareness first and foremost of like the things that you're saying, the things that you're doing, just take a notice like maybe this week what you're noticing is like, how often am I asking for permission if I look good or if this work, if that makes sense, you know, another thing I've been working on for the last couple years because I heard, oh, female CEO say this, she said instead of saying, does that make sense, because that's like asking permission.
19:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Did I do a good job explaining that to you?
19:29
[SPEAKER_01]: She'll say do you have any clarifying question for me?
19:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So that way, she is dating, I know I said everything you just say in the right order in the right way, but do you have any clarifying questions that is giving them the space to ask what they need and take assertiveness and also you're holding yourself in a space of like, I did a really great job.
19:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, your questions are okay.
19:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I can see where I missed out on that.
19:54
[SPEAKER_01]: So, all right, gear are some other things.
19:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Other signs that you might be asking for permission.
20:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever talked to yourself at a something because someone else might not like it?
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You might not be liked.
20:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll be difficult.
20:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a fear of judgment.
20:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Fear of people will think you're crazy.
20:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Definitely, I have asked for permission in my past because I do a lot of weird crazy stuff.
20:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, I'm recognizing that.
20:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And now people just know I'm a little crazy.
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's fine.
20:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But it takes some time to get your confidence up, right?
20:24
[SPEAKER_01]: They'll like it's okay to be crazy.
20:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Have you ever tuck yourself out of doing something because someone in your life wouldn't approve?
20:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You're afraid to look silly.
20:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You won't belong.
20:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll upset someone.
20:35
[SPEAKER_01]: The cost, you don't feel worthy.
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They might say no, so you're saying no first.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you don't want to fail.
20:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't fear of failure.
20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Then it sounds like you're in a state where you feel you need permission.
20:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're in that permission gap.
20:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do we close it.
20:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I think first of all awareness is important.
20:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we can't close any gap without actually noticing like.
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: where is this permission habit coming from?
21:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Who do we learn it from?
21:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Who do we observe it from?
21:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Not to go blame them, but just so you can kind of like take the control back and realize what's going on and just notice them when you're doing it.
21:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And also those dear amazing friends that you have, like perhaps we need to like say, hey, here's what I notice by myself, I notice I ask like, what do you think?
21:23
[SPEAKER_01]: instead of asking like tell me what your excited thoughts are and then maybe what are some concerns you have like that would be fine because now you're asking them to like point out pros and cons.
21:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But just like what do you think?
21:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially because a lot of us ask people who never think anything good.
21:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, we have those family members.
21:40
[SPEAKER_01]: We've had so many guys on the BeatPod talk about like
21:44
[SPEAKER_01]: make sure that you're aware of who you're telling your ideas to, right?
21:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if you're telling your amazing ideas to people who will never believe in something possible, you're going to basically asking permission from people who are never going to give it.
21:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So just want you to notice what your habits are, what parts of you are filling that permission need?
22:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
22:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And then on Thursday, we're going to talk about how to close like app, how to trust yourself, how to give yourself permission.
22:11
[SPEAKER_01]: That'll be our episode on Thursday.
22:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'd love to hear how you're liking these topics.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: If you have topics that you want to meet to address, you can actually send it into the be at pod.com slash questions to say, hey, so topic and we'll put in the lineup.
22:24
[SPEAKER_01]: We're still going to have the interviews.
22:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We're still going to have the recaps, but we thought it'd be fun to basically in between some of these
22:32
[SPEAKER_01]: We could just dive a little bit deeper that sometimes it doesn't happen in an interview because the conversation goes a different way.
22:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so much and until next time, be it till you see it.
22:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Beat Pot on Instagram.
22:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a tell you see it.
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Have an awesome day!
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Be it till you see it as a production of the blue pod cast network.
23:13
[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
23:25
[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
23:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at Desenio.co.
23:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
23:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
23:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
23:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.
23:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So internalized misogyny, a patriarchal cultural, a patriarchical, what a shitty word I can't even say.
24:06
[SPEAKER_01]: A patriarchal culture that often values with, oh my lord, on high.
24:14
[SPEAKER_01]: What the loopers, let's keep them in at the end.