Latest / AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation / [EP43] You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Healing.. (How to Cultivate Self Compassion)

Transcript

[EP43] You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Healing.. (How to Cultivate Self Compassion) · AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

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  Why self-compassion is your superpower and how to cultivate it.
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  The truth is you can't shame yourself into becoming your best self, but you can love yourself into it.
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  Here's something that most people don't realize.
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  People seeking something greater within themselves tend to get stuck in a cycle of burnout, overthinking, pushing harder, while being really tough and hard on themselves.
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  and we tend to have compassion for everyone else but when it comes to yourself it's just a different
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  story. In this session today we're going to talk about self-compassion not discipline our favorite
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  word or even hustling or pushing harder and how it can be your superpower that can change everything.
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  So we'll talk about the problem, we'll talk about some truths around this and then how to cultivate
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  self-compassion and some real-life impacts. Let's talk about the actual
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  problem itself. There's this tussle that's happening inside of most people,
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  especially people who come into this kind of work. And it's not just a tussle, but
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  sometimes it's so intense that it's like a war happening with ourselves inside.
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  And you get tired and it's not just something that's physical, but also more
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  and we're tired of pretending right to have it all together and tired of maybe get to the point
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  of tired of beating yourself up because you're not getting any further and every time you feel
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  something heavy you tend to just push it aside push it away or push it in and just continue and
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  push forwards maybe you shame yourself for not being stronger or more successful maybe you tend
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  to gaslight your own path. And if this sounds familiar, then this message is for you. And
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  you could say you've been taught to be strong or keep it together. And you could say that you've
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  not taught to soften and how to be yourself. Because people always ask me the question of
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  like, how do I let go? How do I soften? How do I be more of myself or be myself? And especially
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  when things get hard. So those questions are normally being asked from the head and the answers
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  for these questions are not going to come from the head. And then also there's the inner critic.
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  So the voice that is just there, that is normally not there to help us make ourselves feel good
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  or support ourselves most of the time, it's priority, it's protection, it's survival.
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  So it'll tend to pull in the opposite direction and say the thing that might not be useful. Like
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  enough or you're not enough or you should do better or this is not enough all those kinds of
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  things or I'm not worthy of this and those kinds of voice and of course what it's doing I say of
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  course but it's not always clear when we're in those situations it's throwing a problem for you
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  to solve right because it's saying hey there might be something here for you to protect yourself
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  against so it has a purpose you could say but its immediate purpose on the surface it's not very
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  tends to put us down. And the voice doesn't make you any stronger, right? So it's making you feel
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  smaller, more exhausted, more disconnected, perhaps. And here's the truth. Here's what's
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  changed from what I've seen in this kind of work that we do. Healing is not about perfection.
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  It's not about pushing. It's not about fighting the voice in the head or fighting that part of
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  you that pulls in the opposite direction. As a matter of fact, this week I've been talking about
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  this quite a bit inside of Inner Circle and also in the retreat, the Inner Circle retreat,
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  recently about the two parts of us where when you set out to do something, there is always this
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  opposing part that tends to pull in the opposite direction, tend to want to pull you back.
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  And we tend to think of our healing process as, oh, I just need to focus on this voice that,
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  or this part of me that wants to go for this thing, whatever it is,
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  but we tend to then push away the part of us that is pulling against,
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  fighting against, it might seem like.
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  And actually, said broadly, it is about encompassing all parts.
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  It's approaching it holistically rather than fighting one side of you
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  and then the other side being the good one trying to make something happen.
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  So it's about learning how to be gentle with all parts of you
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  are still perhaps hurting and wanting to heal, or maybe it's still scared, right? Like most of us
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  have a younger version of ourself. That voice in the head is normally a younger voice and that
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  needs healing. And that healing can really only come from love or compassion. So self-compassion
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  then is not a weakness. It is your strength. It is your power. And it's one of the most courageous
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  things to do. To be willing to look at yourself, to pause, to feel, to get honest and actually
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  to love the parts of you that you don't feel like loving because it feels like it's fighting you,
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  it's pulling you in a different direction. And to meet your pain without judgment but with presence
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  as you would want someone external to you to bring a certain level of presence or complete presence
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  that you feel seen, heard, felt, loved.
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  That's the level of presence that perhaps we're learning to bring for ourselves.
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  And this is where the transformation happens.
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  This is the point where it happens.
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  Let's talk now about how to cultivate.
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  What are some things that you can do to cultivate?
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  And this is a summarized version of a process that you'd perhaps see me guide people through
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  if you're in this body of work.
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  first part is actually to bring awareness to the voice in the head right so that i call it the story
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  the inner critic the voice the narrative that's playing out and the part of you that wants to
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  pull against you like pull in the opposite direction that feels like you know is fighting
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  you therefore you want to fight it to start to bring awareness to it first and maybe even
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  name it, right? Like, so maybe there's the voice of the perfectionist within, right? So it needs
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  to have everything perfect, everything, the T's cross and the I's dotted, right? Everything ticked
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  off before it feels like, okay, now that's perfect. Now I can start. And rather than hating that part
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  of you or fighting it, presencing it and including it into your process. And then it's going underneath
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  that. I'm just giving you the overarching process that I would go through. Going underneath that
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  story, that narrative, the energy of that, and looking at it, you most likely will uncover a
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  younger version of you because it's our past that plays over and over again into the present.
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  And choosing how you would actually like to attend to that younger you. So maybe it's a five or a
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  10-year-old version of you, and how would you like to speak to that version of you?
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  And he or she might be seeking certain things. So the protection mechanism, which shows up as
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  the perfection, which shows up as pulling you in the opposite direction, underneath it might be
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  trying to keep you safe, to maybe protect you from failing or embarrassment or guilt, or might
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  Beholding guilt and shame or some pain.
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  So therefore, getting present to that version of you in that time and space.
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  And you find that version of you from getting underneath this voice.
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  Like it's one of the doorways of getting in.
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  And then instead of the kind of knee-jerk reaction, right?
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  Which we normally, it's unconscious reaction.
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  It's making it conscious.
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  So it's a conscious choice.
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  conscious action rather than a reaction and choosing how you want to respond to it. So rather
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  than pushing it down or pushing through it or putting pressure on yourself or being harder on
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  yourself or beating yourself up, which is what we're doing to that younger version of ourselves,
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  how would you treat a child? If you have a child that comes to you with a certain challenge
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  right now, most of us, unless there's something wrong with us, we'd be kind to the child.
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  and we'd be loving to the child.
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  And this time the child happens to be you.
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  So major part, if not all of it, the healing process is loving that part of you
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  and that version of you, that dimension of you.
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  And therefore, when the love goes in, the healing starts to happen.
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  And then it's to embody it.
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  It's to anchor it into your body in whatever form.
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  Like sometimes it could be, yep, allowing it just to land,
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  your body and feeling the sensations and how the emotions the energy actually lands into your body
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  and sometimes it might be actually movement so you're freeing up what needs to be freed up so
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  that it then lands and integrates into your body and therefore as it's integrated you can start to
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  show up more than when you step back into your life from a different place within yourself from a
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  kinder, compassionate, more whole or healed version of you.
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  And that's the general process that I'd guide people through.
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  And for those that are not in this body of work, the next opportunity for you to come
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  and do this work, this kind of process, is at Awaken.
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  And Awaken is our three-day live virtual program.
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  It's coming up in September, the first weekend.
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  I think it's the 57th of September.
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  Wherever you're watching this video, there'll be a link somewhere for you to join the waitlist
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  and come in.
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  and in in the process in day two for example transformation day of awaken that doesn't mean
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  skip day one come to all three in day two is transformation day where we do this kind of work
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  right where we shift and we do a lot of healing group healing work and it's very powerful so if
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  you haven't experienced it before then come join us let's talk now about the impact of this and
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  what i've seen is the impact of when this kind of healing goes in is that we stop hiding
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  to prove ourselves or feel like you have to perform or be a certain way to be accepted or loved
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  or seen and then you can start to show up as a more real authentic version of you because you've
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  now integrated with a part of you that was not integrated right so like you're moving around like
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  this separate versions of you trying to work together but actually you're not and in our
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  we have seen this and maybe you've seen this, that the external stuff, right, like how it shows up
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  externally, like burnout, for example, starts to fade away, starts to heal. Relationships start to
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  become honest and things start to heal. People start to then get real with themselves and start
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  to connect with their purpose. They get clear with it and start to act on it and start to create
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  something and live from it. And these are just some examples of what I've seen. So my closing
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  thoughts on this is that compassion or self-compassion doesn't just heal you, but it
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  brings you back to yourself. It restores you, right? Restores you to yourself. And your softness
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  is your strength. It's not weakness.