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How Living Overseas Affects Relationships · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, lovely listeners.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Roxanne, and I am your host.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever dreamed about leaving everything behind, moving to another country, and starting a new life with the person you love?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sounds romantic, right?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Beautiful places, new foods, new adventure, more time together, and maybe even a lower cost of living.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, today's episode, How Living Overseas Affects Relationships.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Subtitle Love Abroad.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to break down and answer a lot of these questions.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: But before we start, I want to introduce my co-host, the Professor.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, Professor.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: You're in a jolly mood.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I had four cups of coffee.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's why.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Two were bought by two of our listeners.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, listeners.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I am I am caffeined up.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I I wasn't there for that.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I would have shared one with you, but yeah, right.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I uh yes, thank you to our wonderful listeners.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, thank you for your support, the kindness, and uh I gotta get a big shout out.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I can say uh say her name.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: She said it was okay.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: Kathy, uh big shout out to you.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for the wonderful t-shirt.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we really do appreciate it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Kathy.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And uh to everybody that supports us, we really do appreciate you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: And remember that we're here for you guys.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, this is why we do this.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And uh we have meet and greets.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, how it works, because people ask me this all the time.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: We don't post it on social media because we don't want a whole you know, a hundred people showing up.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Would be nice, but we like to keep it small and the intimate 15 to 20 people.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: That way we can everybody can have multiple questions, we can answer everyone's questions, and it's a much calmer setting.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: So what you have to do is email us and we'll let you know the location is first come, first serve.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: We'll let you know the location, when and where, and we ask you to share it and show up, and we'll be there and answer your questions.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, you brought that in real early, Professor, but thank you for that.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had to I had to get up to it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you wouldn't forget it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm I'm getting old and forget it.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, here's the question.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Again, today's episode is how living overseas affects relationships.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But there's one question that no one puts in the travel brochure.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: What happens to your relationship when everything familiar is gone?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And because when you move overseas, you don't just change your address, your routines change, your social circle, finances changes, your expectations, and sometimes you discover things about your partner that you didn't see before you moved.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a shocker.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Not really.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm an expat.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, I've transplant from UK, was in US, done a lot of traveling, and packing up, selling everything, and moving your loved ones to another country, that could be a disaster waiting to happen.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Or it could be a blessing.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: It could be.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: But believe it or not, a lot of times it it really is a big impact.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: The adjustments, kids, you name it.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And the learning process.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And the learning curve.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: For some, it it's a steep level, especially if you've really not tried it affects, I think, more people who have really never traveled or just traveled within their state, you know.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, traveling abroad is is a big deal.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, moving abroad doesn't automatically fix the relationships, as some some feel, but one of the biggest myths is what people are thinking, what couples may think, maybe a fresh start will fix us.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you're broken, not necessarily will fix anything, but they may even think a new country doesn't erase old relationship patterns.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So again, moving abroad doesn't automatically fix a relationship.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: If it's broken, it should be fixed before you leave, right, Professor?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just make this simple.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: When you got a Walmart, you get your luggage and you pack your bag, guess what?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: You're packing all your drama with it.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because you haven't dealt with it.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then when you unpack it, it's right there.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And eventually there's impact.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: And if you had difficulty communicating or getting getting along at home, you're probably gonna have the same difficulty and s um conflict communicating and getting along in another country.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's not gonna go away.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You you have to get that fixed.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: We we have seen um I I specialize in we both too, but I I specialize in expats um moving abroad, you know, couples, families.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things is is that you're absolutely right.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: People move thinking that life is going to be better, all the problems will be gone.
• 5:43
  unknown: Yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, some of your problems are gone, but there's new problems.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you avoided conflict before, before you left, you'll probably still avoid conflict wherever you go.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: If that's if if that's the nature of your relationship, that's not gonna change until you change it.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if one person always made the decisions uh like uh moving abroad, it's not gonna change that.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: If they're the ones always um dictating what goes on and where we're gonna go, what we're gonna do, that may not change when you got when you guys move.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can move 8,000, 18,000 miles away and still bring the same, what you said, professor, emotional baggage with you.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because we uh when we when couples move, a lot of times uh one partner has initiated it.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, you know, we should look at uh moving, going to a different place, we could live better, we could be happier.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: But the other person really isn't that committed, right?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: But they're gonna go with their partner.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: So you have one who's driving it and one that's kind of like just gonna go with the flow.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Rather than talk about it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Speak up, talk about it, and say, hey, what what will this do for us?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And we always say communication is the key to any relationship.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: We say this all the time.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's a little funny moving overseas to fix a troubled relationship is like changing the wallpaper in a house with a leaked roof.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It may look different, but you still have a problem underneath.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the truth.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and you being a little hands-on, you can get that.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now, another another point is adventure, in other words, moving abroad, can bring couples closer.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because the the positive side can be a closer bond because look look what you're doing.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're experiencing things, new things together that neither of you experienced before.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you're trying different foods.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you're and you're learning about different places.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now you have a lot to talk about, you have a lot to share, and you have a lot that can help both of you grow.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't have the pressures of from whatever country you came from.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because wherever country you came from is that typical, I gotta have a house, the car, you know, 2.5 kids, I got you know, my car's gotta be new because my my neighbor's got a new car.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: All that pressure goes when you go somewhere else.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: That that status that you you you want to compete with.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I we we met that couple in Malaysia, and they haven't driven a car in forever.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: They take public transport everywhere.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: And they're and they love it.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And they love it.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: So you you can't there's so much, there is a lot of benefit, but there has to be that balance.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, those shared experiences can create connection, yes, teamwork, and intimacy.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes couples who've become in a routine at home, like you're saying, Professor, that routine can rediscover each other when they're in a new environment.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Look at that couple.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's new.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Look at that couple we met.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: They were in their 60s, late 60s, and this is the first time that they were intimate in years because there was no stress, no, no, nothing affecting the relationship.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So and they reconnected, which we're gonna talk about.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like they were back in high school.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's now there is a culture shock that can become a relationship shock.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Culture shock isn't just about adjusting to a different language or different food, it's about realizing things don't work there the way you're used to.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because whatever you're used to back back back home, it's going to be a whole different ball game when you go overseas.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that's uh that could be uh that there's a culture shock right there.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's about realizing um that stresses can come from being in a new environment, a new country, you have that new language, you have everything's everything's new and different.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there could be some stresses.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because you when someone who travels and you've traveled a lot, it's easy because you learn to adapt.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: When you this is new for someone, adapting is the key.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to be open-minded, and that's very hard because you're you have a certain way of doing things.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: You like your coffee a certain way, you you want your bagel warm it up a certain way.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna find that or get that out wherever you are.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Not exactly the way you're used to.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, some places we go to, we like our coffee piping hot.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: You don't get piping hot coffee.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: You have to ask for it.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: You have to ask.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, but we don't make a big deal out of it.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: We just we know, we just ask, and some places make it happen.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and here here can this can be stressful too, because one partner may embrace the difference and the the differences that they experience.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: They may say, Oh, this is so exciting, while the other may say, Hmm, I don't know if I can do this.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is just too much.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know what happens there?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: You have one partner who's moving quickly but doesn't look back and say, Whoa, wait a minute, what's what's wrong?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: What is it you don't like?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: You stop and and look at your partner and ask the question, what is it you don't like?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, what what what can we do to make because it could be the area, you know, maybe it's too much going on.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe if you just move the area, little car.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: So you know, communicate.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: We we we can't say this enough.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Lack of communication destroys everything.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And getting back to the the differences of you know, the experience may be different for both of them, but not neither's wrong.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Neither's wrong.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're simply experiencing the uh this transition differently, and they need to respect each other's feelings.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And just like you said, Professor, you you sit and you ask, well instead of saying, why can't you just enjoy yourself?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just try saying what's been the hardest adjustment for you.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna bring on a whole different conversation.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: As you said, communicate, ask, see what the issue is.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, again, too, money can become a major relationship issue overseas because living overseas can change financial expectations.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: You may have thought, oh, we're gonna save so much money.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Does that happen?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: No, because they spend more money.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because what happens is if they go to a country where like Thailand, whatever, and the cost of living is less, you spend more because, oh, I can have this, I can have this, I can have this.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we we've said we've been out and we've seen uh foreigners order a whole bunch of food because they want to try everything and walk away and there's all this food still on the table.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to go to that table when they leave and scoop it and just chow down, and that would save us money.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: But you see, that's the thing.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: They leave so much food, isn't it?
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the waste.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: But they're wastey.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Locals don't do that.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: They don't waste.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And and it's because we we look we don't look at the money as um as how they live.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: We look at it as convert it.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: Don't con keep converting the money.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because the moment you keep converting that money, you're gonna think, well, I'm I can afford anything.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: It will normally if you were home, you maybe have one beer a week.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, now you're having a couple beers a day.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then those little those little monies add gonna add up.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, some may have thought, again, that you know, they're gonna save money, but then you have you have to look at the the housing costs.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes it's more than they're expecting.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: They're think they think they they're coming to a what a$500 a month rental because they came from a$2,500 rental back where they came from.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But then the um the the the cost, as you said, you know, they they're looking at the$500, oh$500, I can handle that.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, the low budget is flat.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's gone.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you we m a lot of people what they do is oh my gosh, I can get a luxury apartment on the beach for uh you know a thousand to fifteen hundred dollars, or back where I could where I come from, that would be three, four thousand dollars.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saving a lot.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: No, all you have to do is go to the next book over and you're bringing up probably half price.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but we get caught up in the material instead of looking at what do I need?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so so many have to leave, not because they want to, they have to because they've exhausted their their funds.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even though then some may even be working online, but it's they've lived so high it that's not even enough to uh to continue.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right, and you see live like the locals, right?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you see, one partner may want to explore the countries, uh the surrounding countries, or even the country that they're in.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: They want to explore, and that costs money.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sometimes even in the same country, you have to fly.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're south of that country, you want to go north, you have to fly there.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not cheap anymore.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, especially now, especially now, and then you have to look at the hotel, you have to look at fooding, food and and what have you, essentials, uh in in a whole nother place.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: But those those that the your money will will add on, and yes, you you're you're tacking on expenses after expenses, thinking that you are getting it cheap.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Stop living like you're rich.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And live like a local.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you see you can still enjoy life just fine.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely, definitely.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have one that may want to eat out a lot because it's cheap.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but then you have the other who's a saver and they want to cook and eat at uh in the in their place because so many apartments have low kitchens.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: I love eating out, I love God to eat out, but I want to change.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll cook.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'll cook my own food.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: I love my own food.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's nice, it's nice for the change.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's nice for a change.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, it plan what you're gonna do.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Think about your budget.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: Make a budget first.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Don't don't if you're don't just think about your budget.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're a a gazillionaire or a or a multimillionaire and you don't need to worry, then I'm happy for it.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Go for it.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: But unfortunately, a lot of people that do leave and and try somewhere else is they want a better quality of life, they want to get away from the stress and everything.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: You have to look at the big picture.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: Don't put the blinders on and go through and thinking that it was gonna be hunky doors.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And they want to be in a place where they think that their money is gonna stretch a lot further.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to be smart about it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the funny nothing says romance like sitting on a balcony overlooking the ocean, fussing about the electric bill.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, talk about money.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when when one may adjust faster than the other.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And one may say, I absolutely love it here.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the other, I cannot wait to go home.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: But so it may seem like one is uh ruining it for the other.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the other may say, You don't understand what I'm going through.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: But each should support each other's reality.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And as we said, communicate, sit and talk about well what's what's going on, what why why is it that you what is it about here that you don't like?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Support each other's reality.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And don't make your partner your world.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you move overseas, you leave everything friends, family, church family, neighbors, and all your social connections.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: So what can you do?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Meet other people by joining groups.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of groups that you can find on Facebook.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: There's expat groups, there's friend groups.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Join them.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: They they're they're actually fun.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, we'll we'll go hang out with some of them, but it's fun.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Meet new people.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and it's good for your kids too.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes if you bring kids along, because then those some of those expats have kids.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: And you your kids can do fun things with them.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, now when they're young, it's not too bad because they adjust quickly.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: But if they're teenagers, teenagers, you it can be because it they're away from all their friends, everything they do.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to try and create something similar for them wherever you are.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find a church of your denomination.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: These are little tips you can you can do if uh you're looking to um not make your partner everything, you know, uh his your go-to.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Meet people just by going out.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, your spouse can be your partner, but they aren't there to be your life support system.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Find a way to get friends and to meet friends.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here we go, here we go, professor and listeners.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about communication.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Communication becomes very important when you're overseas because little problems can feel a whole lot bigger.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, for instance, if you're just being tired, if you're you know, if you're just tired, you're you might feel confused.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can't com communicate easily because you're missing family, you're hungry, and then your partner says, Where do you want to eat?
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then I hear the other partner shouting out, I don't know, you always make me decide.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: You you just may need to talk about each other's feelings to find out what's really going on.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because stress piled up can cause emotions to flare up over little things.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: And those little things become big things.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because and couples need to learn to recognize when they're upset about the issue, or are they reacting to pressures surrounding the issue?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, whether it's uh money issues, maybe because you thought it was going to be cheaper here, you know, or in overseas, and you're the breadwinner, or you you're taking care of the family.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: So these these pressures can cause little things to blow up.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: The expat community has it's grown exponentially.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: And all over the world.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: People are leaving their countries because of the drama and everything else.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: And we have seen that influx of expats having, you know, problems.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because of the adjustment.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a big adjustment.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it is some big adjustment.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: For some.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Some go smoothly and some go smoothly, but we we're seeing that you know, after a while, one is like, um, I'm ready, I miss family.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because they haven't created new connections where they are.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to stop and ask when you're finding yourself, you know, in a low TIFF.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Are we arguing about something silly or are we just overwhelmed?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: That one question can change the entire conversation.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now uh again, when you're overseas, don't lose yourself in the wheat.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Living abroad can be an opportunity for personal growth.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, find find your own way.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Again, don't look at your spouse as the all in all.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're more adventurous than you thought.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: You develop a new hobby.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And there are a lot of groups when you go overseas that have classes, you know, whether it's painting or pottery or volunteering.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Volunteering is a big thing.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: You you become more independent.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Being abroad may help you grow personally, emotionally, and physically as well.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because you want you people start getting healthier.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: They they're walking more, they go to the gym.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_00: Less stress.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: Exact, and you don't have that stress.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the intimacy level increases big time.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: You're chasing your partner around the bedroom.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then one partner trips.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that partner trips goes, Oh, I fell over.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: You caught me.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's cute.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just know that two whole people can grow independently as they live overseas.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now another thing, you have a question.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your question, Professor, was, and I'm glad you asked this, can living abroad actually improve the relationship?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for asking.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Did I do it again?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: I jumped the gun.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: I jumped the gun.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, you're you're so good.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: But for some couples, getting away from the familiar routine allows them to reconnect.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is where that reconnection is.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, you did jump the gun, but that's okay.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're here now.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I caught up with you, Professor.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: They have more time together.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: They experience again new things, fewer work-related pressures, as we mentioned.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as Professor mentioned, they learn to solve problems as a team.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they start dating each other again.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now, sometimes even realizing we, you know, we we actually like each other again.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's important.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: You should enjoy the person you call your best friend.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: You should be living the dream, you should be enjoying each other.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: Your connection with your partner should be stronger.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: It should, yes.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: It should be.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: You can get past the the start where it's a little rough and building to work.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: You you then you look back and you go, why didn't we do this sooner?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Many, many say that.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now prefers, I have a question.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Can living overseas expose problems?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: To answer that question, absolutely.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is the word I was going to use.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Living abroad doesn't create relationship problems.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it reveals them.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: When you're away from what you're familiar with, your job, routines, friends, family, former responsibilities, you may discover, you know what?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: We communicate really well.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or we've been avoiding this issue for years.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you may discover we work really good as a team.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or we may actually want different lives.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: And neither discovery is necessarily bad.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes clarity is exactly what couples need.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: They need to see um, are we communicating well?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, do are we taking care of each other's needs?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now I have a couple of questions for our listeners to to ponder on.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Three questions.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: First one, would you move overseas if you knew it would test your relationship?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Second, what if you love the new country and your partner hated it?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Third question would you rather adventure or stability?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: But adventure can be stability if if you're both on board.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you're both on board, the adventure is something that can bring you even closer together.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Take a sip of that water so you can get rid of that cough, Professor.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's starting coughing.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, guys.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now, living overseas.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: I need you to put something in my drink.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: In closing, lit living overseas can be beautiful.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: It can be exciting, challenging, and sometimes it can be it can completely change you.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what we want you to remember a new country can create a new environment, but it can't create a new relationship.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: You still need to communicate, you still need to compromise, you still need to listen, and you still need to respect each other's needs.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, love isn't about where you live, it's about how you live together.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, it there's there's so many variables from everything from religion, culture, uh communication.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when you're together, you can learn to the language together wherever you are.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: Culture.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: You can you can learn about the culture about the culture because there's so many different things in different cultures.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: When I went to the US, it was a culture shock for me.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what the heck?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I remember going to a restaurant with my family and asking, I said, excuse me, where's the loo?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the woman looked at me like I was an alien.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: And my brother came up and goes, the restroom.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: The restroom.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: So it's it's a lot, you know, you it's learning the learning the country wherever you're just settling in.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And learning a little bit about the country before you even move there.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: So whether you're living in your hometown across the country or halfway around the world, ask yourself, are we simply sharing a location or are we building a life together?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's that's a big difference.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just sharing a location and building a life.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself that.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the greatest adventure isn't discovering a new country, it's discovering each other all over again.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Professor, any last words before I close out?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: If you're going to take that journey and move to another country, wherever it may be, community can talk about it first.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times it's not easy to go there for a vacation because of cost.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: There are some brave people that pack up, sell everything, and go.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: I admire you, but be prepared that there could be things that happen along the way.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: And communication, you know, the culture, all those things.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta be prepared for that.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: And with YouTube, you could learn about where it is you want to go.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's on YouTube and every country, every just learning some of the basic words for when you land.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so um be proactive, communicate together, and enjoy the journey.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's good.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: Peace be the journey.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: Peace be the journey.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Love that.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Listeners, we want to thank you for joining us and letting us take this journey with you.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonated with you, please like, download, and share it.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And you can always find us on relationshipcoachinggroup.com where you can learn a little bit about us and see all that we have to offer.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And you can get a 30-minute free session.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget that.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: 30 for 30 minutes free session.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: And you can email us uh or make uh comment, give us some comments, or you can call us suggestions or call us.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: And we hope today's chat gave you new insights into the challenges and rewards of living across cultures, countries, and continents.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, keep exploring the world and nurturing your relationship no matter where you are.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll catch you on the next one.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: We got you.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Peace be the journey.