Latest / After 2 Beers / #160 After 2 Beers: A Laugh Riot with Fast-Food Mascots, Odd Sleep Tips, and the Wackiest of Crimes

Transcript

#160 After 2 Beers: A Laugh Riot with Fast-Food Mascots, Odd Sleep Tips, and the Wackiest of Crimes · After 2 Beers

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to the After Two Beers podcast.
0:05
Speaker 1: I'm Dutch Delton, joined as always by Kim and Gubbler.
0:08
Speaker 2: That's me.
0:09
Speaker 1: And our new partner in crime has been hanging out with us now for a few weeks and we love to have any of this.
0:14
Speaker 1: It's all, michael Summers.
0:15
Speaker 1: What's going on?
0:16
Speaker 1: Yo, oh, buddy.
0:17
Speaker 1: Hey, if you haven't had a chance and if you live here locally in Richmond, indiana, we've been hosting Trivia.
0:22
Speaker 1: Now you can come out and join us on Wednesday nights.
0:25
Speaker 1: We're at the Elks Country Club.
0:26
Speaker 1: We'd love to have you out there and we're going to run those through the middle of April.
0:31
Speaker 1: If you follow us on social media, we'll keep you up to date with all of the events that are going to go on out there In case anything changes yeah.
0:39
Speaker 1: They actually even asked us to come out the Sunday before the total eclipse.
0:44
Speaker 2: Oh no, Is it the before or after?
0:46
Speaker 1: The day before.
0:47
Speaker 2: Is it Okay, sunday night, very cool.
0:50
Speaker 1: If you're listening to the show, if you haven't listened to us before.
0:52
Speaker 1: Basically, what After Two Beers is we have a couple drinks which we did just check off the bucket.
0:57
Speaker 2: Check it out.
0:58
Speaker 1: And then once the two drinks are consumed, then we can begin the show.
1:01
Speaker 1: And really what the whole point of the show is?
1:03
Speaker 1: Just some friends that are sitting around discussing life stuff.
1:07
Speaker 1: They heard what was going on that day In random fact.
1:09
Speaker 1: They heard a goofy story and really we're just trying to take some stress off your plate.
1:14
Speaker 1: Life's hard, Absolutely, and we're just trying to be a little bit of a comedic relief.
1:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little less culture.
1:19
Speaker 2: Have a drink with us and just chill.
1:22
Speaker 1: Have a beer and pretty soon you're going to be sitting at your kids ball games and you can throw a near bud in and listen to us, and throw some booze down in that Stanley Cup of yours.
1:30
Speaker 1: Oh, here we go, staying with us, sitting hang out with us.
1:35
Speaker 1: If you haven't had a chance, make sure you visit our webpage AfterTwoBeerscom.
1:39
Speaker 1: That's the number two.
1:40
Speaker 1: There's a link on there to give us a tip.
1:43
Speaker 1: The link itself on the page works.
1:45
Speaker 1: I created a QR code.
1:47
Speaker 1: It does not work.
1:48
Speaker 1: I'm going to fix that for trivia.
1:50
Speaker 1: And then, on top of that, we do have the link to Patreon, as I mentioned.
1:54
Speaker 1: It's an opportunity for you to help sponsor the show, and we utilize those dollars to keep the show going by the web page and equipment and all that kind of stuff.
2:03
Speaker 1: Aside from that, if you like the show, we would love for you to give us a rating.
2:07
Speaker 1: Share the show.
2:08
Speaker 1: Send us a message, either on Facebook, on social media, on our webpage.
2:13
Speaker 1: We'd love to hear from you.
2:15
Speaker 1: Like and share.
2:16
Speaker 2: Give us a little critique, yeah, yeah, what can we do better?
2:19
Speaker 2: What do you want us to talk about?
2:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were trying to do the old shit pan via messages.
2:25
Speaker 1: And one thing I think I'd like to get back to doing, and maybe we can do this not tonight, but we did am I the asshole?
2:33
Speaker 1: We could start doing some stuff for our Patreon sponsors.
2:35
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I forgot about some of the.
2:36
Speaker 2: Am I the assholes?
2:37
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we can start doing some of that stuff again.
2:39
Speaker 1: All right, without further ado, I've got five stories tonight.
2:43
Speaker 1: Nice, and normally this is when we start with a random topic and, to be honest with you, I just unless you guys got something you just want to bitch and moan about, which I'm cool with Sometimes you just need to vent.
2:56
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
2:57
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
2:58
Speaker 1: Get some shit off your chest, and that's what this show can be Like.
3:01
Speaker 1: I was thinking today like what are little things in life that you do that it pisses you off or not pisses you?
3:07
Speaker 1: You just don't enjoy it Like I'll give you an example Work, that's a big one.
3:11
Speaker 1: I meant like today I went to get gas and I realized just how much I don't like going and getting gas.
3:17
Speaker 2: Oh, I hate it.
3:18
Speaker 1: I'm not even worried about the money, it's just I wish this is sounds so American right.
3:24
Speaker 2: You wish it was back in the days when people pumped your own pumped your gas for you.
3:28
Speaker 2: Yes, they did.
3:30
Speaker 2: That's what the thing was.
3:31
Speaker 2: Is that, like you paid three cents extra per gallon for somebody to pump your gas?
3:35
Speaker 2: Take my money, especially in the winter months, my gosh, you know what.
3:39
Speaker 1: I just realized this as we're sitting here.
3:41
Speaker 1: What gas stations taught every other store in the world?
3:44
Speaker 1: If you take the employee away, they'll do it themselves.
3:50
Speaker 2: Walmart didn't get that.
3:51
Speaker 2: No, they did not get that memo.
3:52
Speaker 2: That's the checkout, that's the self-checkout, yeah.
3:55
Speaker 1: They literally where the first ones are, like they're going to need it, you all right.
4:00
Speaker 2: All right.
4:01
Speaker 1: They're going to figure it out on their own, they're either going to get out and pump it or they're not going to drive.
4:05
Speaker 1: And that's why I got a PS5 for $0.50.
4:08
Speaker 1: It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
4:11
Speaker 2: Check my receipt what?
4:13
Speaker 1: It's fine.
4:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it.
4:16
Speaker 1: I wonder they have to have ways to prevent people from stealing, but I'm sure a lot of people.
4:22
Speaker 2: They have cameras on the self-checkouts.
4:24
Speaker 2: They have cameras on everything.
4:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, there's a camera and it shows you.
4:28
Speaker 2: I know this happens at Dollar General, like I'm sitting there going, man, I look real ugly right now buying this stuff at the Dollar General.
4:37
Speaker 1: I forget where it was, but she was going into Target doing that, scanning like 50 cents cups and getting all kinds of stuff Right.
4:44
Speaker 1: Couch.
4:48
Speaker 2: Oh man.
4:50
Speaker 1: That was one of my pet peeves, I think, today was putting gas in my tank and then I realized this is another such a first world problem, like when you try to log into an app on your television and they make you type in your email address with the remote.
5:05
Speaker 1: It takes forever.
5:06
Speaker 2: For ever.
5:07
Speaker 2: That's what you got.
5:08
Speaker 2: One you can speak it into.
5:09
Speaker 2: Oh man, even then.
5:10
Speaker 2: I just no, it's always awesome when they've got the ones where it's OK or you can go onto your phone and do this and I'm like yes thank you.
5:18
Speaker 1: I think it's just awesome.
5:19
Speaker 1: I'm like, OK, I'm going to go to Target today.
5:22
Speaker 2: When Facebook went down, I didn't notice.
5:25
Speaker 2: I was so busy working.
5:26
Speaker 2: Everybody's talking about it because we were trying to order lunch and they're like we can't get to venue.
5:31
Speaker 2: Facebook's down.
5:33
Speaker 1: I'm like I didn't know about it.
5:34
Speaker 1: There's a website.
5:36
Speaker 1: What's funny about that is, I wonder if businesses got together just to see who would bitch, so they know who's at work on Facebook.
5:41
Speaker 1: If your employee didn't come up and mention it, you're like, all right, they're good.
5:44
Speaker 2: They're good, They'll start acting out.
5:45
Speaker 2: I'm going to turn it down again.
5:50
Speaker 2: Turn it off again.
5:51
Speaker 1: Oh man, he gave us a time out.
5:54
Speaker 2: Yeah.
5:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guarantee that didn't happen, because I'm wondering how much money it cost him.
5:57
Speaker 2: I want to know how many people thought they were getting hacked.
6:00
Speaker 2: I guess apparently, if you did try to log on during that time, then it was like sending you to an authenticator app and everything else and people were like my password's not working, everything's gone.
6:12
Speaker 1: I'm like I had no idea what you guys were doing.
6:15
Speaker 1: Fuck everybody at high school now.
6:17
Speaker 1: Now I guess we got to go back to those fucking reunions.
6:21
Speaker 2: All right, all right.
6:24
Speaker 1: Those things have basically been replaced by social media.
6:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, People that quit doing TikTok and were just doing reels were like should, I guess I'm going to have to go back to TikTok.
6:32
Speaker 1: Oh, man, because I'm going to have to go to X and figure out what's going on.
6:34
Speaker 1: Oh, I love it.
6:38
Speaker 1: All right, are you guys ready to get going?
6:40
Speaker 2: on the show.
6:41
Speaker 2: I'm ready.
6:42
Speaker 1: All right, so we've got five stories coming up later in the A to B news, but we are going to start, for sure, with our giblets.
6:49
Speaker 2: Ooh, my giblets.
6:51
Speaker 2: So the first one.
6:53
Speaker 2: So McDonald's supposed to have revamped the Golden Arches in 1960.
6:58
Speaker 2: But a psychologist argued to keep it because it resembled breasts, giving Freudian applications to the subconscious mind of the consumer.
7:08
Speaker 2: So that's why we still have the Golden Arches.
7:10
Speaker 2: Apparently they're very breast-like.
7:13
Speaker 1: I swear have never thought that my life negative.
7:16
Speaker 2: No, I didn't even think about it and I'm like, oh, I guess probably in those 1960s bras where it made him look all cone, but I never would have thought that McDonald's was just like.
7:27
Speaker 2: Hey, check out my boobies.
7:29
Speaker 2: That's what that Wendy's girls for Pony tails oh the only reason anybody really goes to Wendy's is because of the frosties.
7:41
Speaker 2: Let's be honest for their personality I.
7:45
Speaker 2: Like the food.
7:46
Speaker 2: I do like their food, but a lot of the time when I'm going there I'm like it's cuz, I really want something sweet and the McDonald's ice cream machine is gonna be broken.
7:56
Speaker 2: All right, all right.
7:57
Speaker 2: How about another one?
7:58
Speaker 2: We are getting up into age where sleeping is difficult unless you're crossfaded unless you get cross.
8:05
Speaker 2: If you eat pistachios before bed, it helps with sleep as it contains high amount of melatonin.
8:16
Speaker 1: Really.
8:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, eat some pistachios.
8:19
Speaker 2: It's something that's like it, not bad for you.
8:22
Speaker 1: It sounds like something you shouldn't be eating anytime else.
8:24
Speaker 1: There's commercials for them.
8:26
Speaker 1: I feel like that should be like a surgeon general's warning.
8:28
Speaker 1: If you eat these at 10 o'clock, I'm like I Want I?
8:37
Speaker 2: there's times where I can drink a Red Bull and still just fall asleep like it's nobody's business, but then there's times where it's like I toss and turn and, yeah, even like the sleep, gummies don't work and I'm right there with you.
8:49
Speaker 1: I'm at a point in my life now where I'm just gonna keep chloroform next to my bed, you're like what's this smell like?
8:56
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm gonna roofie myself like Vicks vapor up.
8:59
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put some chloroform in it.
9:02
Speaker 2: I thought maybe you were talking about the little nasal inhaler ones.
9:05
Speaker 2: I'll try to get to this point.
9:07
Speaker 2: Pull a chloroform and a nasal inhaler, you'll be out.
9:10
Speaker 2: Make sure you're in a comfortable position.
9:14
Speaker 1: I talked about it on this podcast a few weeks ago and I'm still struggling with it and I've been trying to follow a bedtime better and all that means is I just get to Lay there longer to lay there.
9:23
Speaker 1: Same shit for same amount of time.
9:27
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that I probably kept the whole neighborhood up last night because I had all the windows open and I know I fell asleep with him like five seconds because I just I remember turning on the TV and I remember setting the sleep timer but I like I had the fans going and the whole nine yards and, yeah, the first thing that JP said is he's like How'd you get on with that cabin that you were building last night?
9:52
Speaker 2: The neighbors are probably looking for the grizzly bear in the woods behind our house.
9:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, I saw on speak out scanners.
10:00
Speaker 1: Everybody kept saying they heard sirens over on the side of town but didn't know where the lights Now make sense.
10:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were looking for bears.
10:13
Speaker 1: Off and on all time.
10:16
Speaker 2: Okay, did you guys know Matthew McConaughey has a brother and his name is rooster.
10:21
Speaker 1: No, it's God-given name.
10:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it says Matthew McConaughey's brother, rooster McConaughey.
10:27
Speaker 2: He named his son Miller light L-Y-T-E and got free beer for a year you think he went by cock, you know, richard you go my dick right.
10:38
Speaker 2: You know a cock.
10:40
Speaker 1: Oh, I just call me cock.
10:42
Speaker 2: Just call me cock.
10:46
Speaker 1: You know, I never in my life thought I could look at Matthew McConaughey and we think, oh man, he's the normal one.
10:52
Speaker 2: He has a weird deodorant and he plays drums naked and is Smoking a dube.
11:02
Speaker 1: That's a Friday night.
11:04
Speaker 2: All right, okay, here's another one.
11:06
Speaker 2: This one's a foreign fact.
11:08
Speaker 2: So this man, he locks his head in a cage and attempt to quit smoking, and his wife has the key and only opens it for meals.
11:17
Speaker 2: It looks like it's like one of those bingo, like circular things, sexual I.
11:24
Speaker 2: So no, to try to quit smoking.
11:27
Speaker 2: His whole face is in a cage, so clearly doesn't work.
11:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, how are you just gonna show up to?
11:32
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm gonna be here and I'm gonna cash you out or age that looks like something you'd see in the 90s.
11:40
Speaker 1: So you want to apply for a mortgage?
11:41
Speaker 1: Huh.
11:42
Speaker 2: God, yeah, iced tea.
11:45
Speaker 2: The rapper, oh, did you know that he's never drank liquor or done any drugs?
11:50
Speaker 2: Because, being an orphan, he felt if he ever got addicted or got into trouble with drugs or alcohol, he wouldn't have any family to help him.
11:57
Speaker 1: Wow.
11:58
Speaker 2: I did not know that.
11:59
Speaker 1: Right.
12:00
Speaker 2: Never did drugs or alcohol like you would think.
12:02
Speaker 2: Like iced tea was pretty deep into the gangster rap and such yeah probably because he needed to chill out.
12:08
Speaker 2: Maybe.
12:09
Speaker 2: Oh my God, I see what you did there.
12:12
Speaker 2: I'm being serious, have you?
12:14
Speaker 1: ever like his old rap that he did with the group that they had to.
12:18
Speaker 1: It was oh was he NWA?
12:20
Speaker 2: No, he was no.
12:21
Speaker 1: He was in the song was like fuck the police or kill the police or something like, and they had to take the song off the album.
12:28
Speaker 1: Yeah because of it.
12:29
Speaker 1: I can't, for the life of me now think of it.
12:32
Speaker 2: Eric Ellers will know it if he's listening to it, but I can't think of it, and we just watched all of these on the.
12:37
Speaker 2: It was like the Netflix.
12:39
Speaker 2: The Tot Killer was the name of the song.
12:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it had come to me when, right in the middle of my second story on that.
12:45
Speaker 2: Probably.
12:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can just yell it out.
12:47
Speaker 2: That's how my ADHD brain works.
12:48
Speaker 2: We'll cut it in.
12:51
Speaker 1: It'd just be random, like we're chocking and laughing and stuff, and then it'd be just like right there.
12:59
Speaker 2: All right, this will be my last one.
13:01
Speaker 2: A nurse wanted to know if her farts were contaminating equipment in the lab.
13:06
Speaker 2: The doctor and a microbiologist tested the hypothesis by having a colleague fart closed, then necked onto two Petri dishes.
13:17
Speaker 1: Sexual shizz going on in the hospital.
13:18
Speaker 2: Right, I'm like oh let's do this, let's figure out this Fart Petri dishes.
13:24
Speaker 2: Like.
13:24
Speaker 2: Can you imagine getting paid a microbiologist's income and just being like today?
13:29
Speaker 2: Your job is to fart on Petri dishes, first, with your pants on.
13:33
Speaker 2: Next, I'm going to need you to take your pants off and fart on a Petri dish.
13:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously.
13:39
Speaker 2: The conclusion was that clothing acts as a filter, but necked farts can cause contamination.
13:45
Speaker 2: So make sure that, if you have blood drawn, that you ask if the people that are going to be doing all of that have their pants on.
13:54
Speaker 1: I guess it's not Coke.
13:55
Speaker 1: You've seen them movies with all the chicks naked, cutting up coke.
14:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do my drugs.
14:04
Speaker 1: We're close back there, I hope so.
14:06
Speaker 1: I like the kids, like, like given that advice, like you should do it, like you should ask them like when they're testing this blood, will they?
14:15
Speaker 1: Be closed or not closed?
14:16
Speaker 1: Yeah.
14:17
Speaker 2: Obviously, I don't think that's really a question that you're going to be asking.
14:21
Speaker 2: That's why I'm like I don't understand why they did this whole study on it.
14:25
Speaker 2: Obviously, your pants are going to filter it.
14:28
Speaker 1: Anybody with a nose knows this, that's after two beers.
14:30
Speaker 1: Actually, they say that because even when you're close, I'm telling you right now I know some of you, we've all been guilty of it at times.
14:39
Speaker 1: I don't care what clothes you gave me, you could give me Kevlar, and that smell is coming through.
14:43
Speaker 1: Oh, he's sniffing.
14:46
Speaker 2: What.
14:46
Speaker 2: I don't understand is what they probably should have done is the study of if you're in the shower.
14:50
Speaker 2: Why is it so much smellier?
14:53
Speaker 1: and louder water particles.
14:55
Speaker 2: Water particles, I gotta think the steam.
14:59
Speaker 1: It's probably reverberating off the wall.
15:01
Speaker 2: Oh, you said walls.
15:02
Speaker 2: I thought you said balls.
15:05
Speaker 1: No, that's a muffler.
15:06
Speaker 1: I believe you guys call it a queef, all right.
15:16
Speaker 2: That's going to be a little cartoon with some dogs.
15:20
Speaker 1: Oh, that's definitely going to be a little cartoon.
15:22
Speaker 1: I got to look up how to spell queef, so it comes right on the close.
15:27
Speaker 2: It's called a queef.
15:29
Speaker 1: Of course the ladies would know how to spell it.
15:30
Speaker 1: It might have been in a text message I was going to say how many times have you guys wrote about queefing in text messages?
15:39
Speaker 2: It's just an applause.
15:45
Speaker 1: There you go.
15:46
Speaker 2: Good job.
15:47
Speaker 1: You know what I found?
15:48
Speaker 1: It's a giblit, and I don't want to steal giblit's giblit's phone here but I found one and I wanted to add there's six of us sitting here, five, rather, one and four Americans have dropped either their phone, their keys or a wallet or purse in a public toilet.
16:05
Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
16:05
Speaker 1: Have you done it?
16:06
Speaker 1: I have not.
16:07
Speaker 1: That's why I've dropped my blackberry, to give you an idea of how long you're at Reed.
16:13
Speaker 1: Hospital, oh no.
16:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I probably one of the cleanest toilets though.
16:18
Speaker 1: You would think, but you never know.
16:19
Speaker 1: People walk around those places and farting in peach dishes.
16:26
Speaker 2: Farting and coughing.
16:27
Speaker 1: Have you.
16:29
Speaker 2: I've dropped my phone in a toilet.
16:30
Speaker 1: Yes, did you fish it out.
16:32
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, did you use it?
16:34
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have done it if it was a porta potty, but it was just water, oh no.
16:37
Speaker 1: I'm thinking a porta potty staying there.
16:39
Speaker 1: I've got a story about that.
16:40
Speaker 1: Actually it was a guy who worked with it my old job.
16:42
Speaker 1: He was at Mardi Gras in St Louis oh no, and apparently it's like the second biggest Mardi Gras in the US outside of New Orleans and he dropped again.
16:53
Speaker 1: It was his blackberry this shows you how long ago it was into the purple goo and he stuck his arm down in there and pulled that thing out because he was afraid that it had all the stuff on it.
17:05
Speaker 1: I'm like that phone was gone.
17:07
Speaker 2: That's done.
17:08
Speaker 2: That's trashed out.
17:09
Speaker 1: And I go.
17:09
Speaker 1: Do you realize how many diseases you stuck your arm into?
17:12
Speaker 1: Like would you have used the phone?
17:14
Speaker 2: Is he still alive?
17:15
Speaker 2: He died of hip.
17:18
Speaker 2: He died of the hip.
17:20
Speaker 1: We had a national sales meeting not too long after that and I was trying to get people to wear rubber gloves before they'd shake his hand.
17:27
Speaker 1: Oh man, he still had the blue finger tips.
17:35
Speaker 2: Oh my God, it's so gross, don't forget it.
17:38
Speaker 1: Oh, my biggest problem is the only time I see those things are at race tracks.
17:42
Speaker 1: Oh God, yeah, I've seen them at the Coke Law in Indianapolis for the 500.
17:49
Speaker 1: That stuff.
17:50
Speaker 1: On Sunday, the day of the race, it is level with the lid.
17:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're getting a little Hershey kiss if you said that.
17:58
Speaker 1: Oh my God, I've seen people catch them on fire.
18:03
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
18:05
Speaker 1: Nascar no that's not my van.
18:09
Speaker 2: I have a van.
18:10
Speaker 1: That's a 500.
18:12
Speaker 1: That's Coke Law.
18:12
Speaker 1: You have no idea what that party is like.
18:15
Speaker 1: Have you been to the Coke Law?
18:16
Speaker 1: I've not.
18:17
Speaker 1: I've seen people fornicating in public in daylight, like between cars on the grass.
18:26
Speaker 2: Like on a Thursday.
18:28
Speaker 1: On a Thursday and how crazy it used to be.
18:31
Speaker 1: We talked about that on the podcast.
18:33
Speaker 1: I think we should do an A to B history again on the 500.
18:37
Speaker 1: We did that years ago and talk about the snake pit.
18:42
Speaker 1: People have died in the snake pit.
18:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, I ate.
18:44
Speaker 1: My uncle broke his collarbone there.
18:45
Speaker 1: I pushed off a van.
18:47
Speaker 2: He fell off a van.
18:48
Speaker 2: What were his last words before that happened?
18:53
Speaker 1: Hey watch this.
18:56
Speaker 1: Hold my beer.
18:56
Speaker 1: Why are you pushing?
18:57
Speaker 1: All right, are you guys ready to do some news?
19:06
Speaker 1: I like the news, All right we've got five stories tonight as we jump into the old A to B news copter fly around the world.
19:13
Speaker 1: The first one comes to us from Germany.
19:15
Speaker 1: Neighbors phoned the police in Herne, a city in Germany, in the early hours last Tuesday.
19:21
Speaker 1: When the officers arrived at a single family home at around 2am they heard painful groaning inside, bursting through the door.
19:29
Speaker 1: The officers found the homeowner, 66 years old, in critical condition and took him to the hospital.
19:35
Speaker 1: They couldn't find what they would dub the instrument, rather, of the crime.
19:41
Speaker 1: Let me say that again.
19:42
Speaker 1: They all added that they couldn't find what they would consider the instrument of the crime or the man's genitals.
19:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, a chief inspector from the nearby Bocum police force said that they just couldn't find his junk.
19:59
Speaker 1: They checked the truck, they put the man into an artificial coma and because he was up in pretty bad state, right, yeah, I would say.
20:09
Speaker 1: But they have one hypothesis of where this man's junk is.
20:13
Speaker 1: Don't say a dog, that was a dog.
20:15
Speaker 1: They had a dog about the size of a Jack Russell Terrier that they believe may have bit the penis off and ate it.
20:23
Speaker 2: Oh they had I wanted to heal.
20:26
Speaker 2: What are you doing?
20:28
Speaker 1: They're using chunky peanut butter.
20:30
Speaker 2: I'm like why are your genitals exposed for this dog to chew on it?
20:34
Speaker 2: You don't walk around your house.
20:35
Speaker 1: Are you farting?
20:36
Speaker 2: in Petri dishes.
20:39
Speaker 1: I sold AJ, I said this is a case of a guy that was doing that fake the ball throw trick to the dog, because the dog finally got pissed.
20:47
Speaker 1: He's like right here, motherfucker, I'm going to grab some balls.
20:51
Speaker 2: He thought he threw him a deer out his.
20:52
Speaker 2: Oh, he's already man.
20:54
Speaker 2: They said they're also Took off his bag and stripped.
20:58
Speaker 1: They're also looking into it as a possible sex accident or a crime.
21:02
Speaker 1: I told you the man's wife was not in the house at the time.
21:04
Speaker 1: She was probably like I can get out of here.
21:06
Speaker 1: I think I did it.
21:09
Speaker 1: I'm going to blame the dog.
21:13
Speaker 2: And there was Lorena Bobbit.
21:14
Speaker 2: She left for the day.
21:17
Speaker 1: They think the man will make it.
21:18
Speaker 1: But fuck, if you can't fix that, why would he want to point a lemon Right?
21:24
Speaker 2: He'll never get any more than just a chub.
21:30
Speaker 1: How did you look at the dog in the face again after that?
21:32
Speaker 1: Like it clearly like the worst man's best friend?
21:35
Speaker 1: I know he's going to come up to you and want to lick your face.
21:38
Speaker 1: He smells like balls.
21:43
Speaker 2: Here's our second story, smallsages.
21:46
Speaker 1: This one's crazy to me.
21:47
Speaker 1: A 33-year-old man in Canada has been convicted of sexual assault.
21:51
Speaker 1: Now it's a serious crime, yes.
21:53
Speaker 1: I don't want to make light of that aspect of it.
21:56
Speaker 1: But here's the details of the story and it's just weird, mind-boggling.
22:01
Speaker 1: Okay, the this guy.
22:03
Speaker 1: His grand scheme was he would meet men online and he would pretend to be a woman named Angela.
22:09
Speaker 1: Then he would invite the men over to his house for some anonymous fun.
22:14
Speaker 1: Okay, but there were rules.
22:17
Speaker 1: When you got there, you weren't allowed to talk.
22:19
Speaker 1: There was no talking between Angela and the.
22:24
Speaker 2: Angela.
22:26
Speaker 1: Right and the men couldn't see him because he had hung a sheet up between the doors, glory hole action.
22:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, he had cut a hole in the sheet and then he would present I'm assuming his buttocks to the sheet and the guys would do this and thought it was a woman.
22:48
Speaker 1: Okay, and he did it twice that they know of.
22:52
Speaker 1: And he was caught when the second victim simply pulled the sheet down and saw him on the other side wearing a black wig.
22:58
Speaker 1: I'm not sure why he had a wig on, yeah, does he?
23:01
Speaker 1: identify as a woman?
23:02
Speaker 1: That's an interesting question.
23:04
Speaker 1: There's the thing, right Like you can claim to be that, but you have to tell the other guy on the other side of the sheet that's definitely not true.
23:13
Speaker 1: There's a lot.
23:14
Speaker 2: I thought maybe he was going to have a slip action or something and accidentally hit his balls or something.
23:19
Speaker 2: But oh my God, gotcha, gotcha.
23:22
Speaker 2: That didn't feel weird.
23:26
Speaker 1: You've got to be hard up for sex.
23:27
Speaker 1: No pun intended To just go over and fuck a hole.
23:31
Speaker 2: Zanzo Seems right yeah.
23:34
Speaker 1: I don't even want to know.
23:35
Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, my gosh, I never thought it here, such a story from Canada, right, yeah, I've got another Canadian story.
23:43
Speaker 2: They call it the donut hole.
23:44
Speaker 2: Hey, that's a 10-bit.
23:46
Speaker 2: That's what he used to train Timmy Ho.
23:49
Speaker 2: Oh man.
23:49
Speaker 2: Those things are good.
23:55
Speaker 1: A 42-year-old man in Canada was arrested two weeks ago when someone called the police to say he was causing a disturbance in a restaurant.
24:02
Speaker 1: He was intoxicated and refused to leave, so the cops wrote him up and then they drove him home, which is pretty kick ass right he got a PI but he got a free home right.
24:11
Speaker 1: But the man was pissed.
24:12
Speaker 1: This sounds like something my dad would do?
24:14
Speaker 2: I want to fish my coffee.
24:15
Speaker 1: Right.
24:15
Speaker 1: Shortly afterward he drove himself to the police station and demanded to talk with a supervisor about the previous arrest, because he had shown signs of impairment.
24:25
Speaker 1: They made him take a breathalyzer and he failed Nice.
24:28
Speaker 1: So they arrested him again, this time for DUI, and took away his license.
24:32
Speaker 1: I wish yours was Canada.
24:35
Speaker 1: This is a guy that was just pissed off.
24:37
Speaker 1: Do you know people that will just go out of their way to do something just because they're angry?
24:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
24:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly what this guy did, that's all it is.
24:46
Speaker 2: Right, that's hilarious, I want to show these guys I'm going to drive up here and give them a boop.
24:52
Speaker 1: Peace, ma'am.
24:52
Speaker 1: Ma'am, speaking of the police, here's our third story.
24:56
Speaker 1: Actually, I guess it's our fourth.
24:57
Speaker 1: Police were called to the parking lot of a red roof inn in Massachusetts late last month to investigate a suspicious vehicle.
25:04
Speaker 1: It's unclear what seemed strange about it, but the witness was right.
25:08
Speaker 1: As the cops approached and they talked to the driver, they saw some potential drug paraphernalia.
25:13
Speaker 1: They searched the car and found crack cocaine and an M190 US Army rocket launcher.
25:20
Speaker 1: Good night, those go hand in hand.
25:25
Speaker 2: Both of them get you out of this world.
25:27
Speaker 1: The driver, harvey Johnson, was arrested and charged with possession of crack cocaine and possession of an incendiary Incendiary.
25:34
Speaker 2: Thank you.
25:38
Speaker 1: Oh, it's after two beers.
25:39
Speaker 1: Incendiary device.
25:41
Speaker 1: The rocket launcher was turned over to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, where they probably played with it that afternoon and shot.
25:50
Speaker 2: Probably that dude's car.
25:52
Speaker 1: I think what do you get?
25:53
Speaker 1: One of those you ain't buying them right.
25:55
Speaker 1: Army Navy store Surplus.
25:58
Speaker 2: What does make a car look like?
26:01
Speaker 1: suspicious.
26:01
Speaker 1: It's probably the guy that was in it.
26:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably smoking crack Guys.
26:09
Speaker 1: I think he's got a gun.
26:10
Speaker 1: Well here's a guy you wouldn't want to fuck with, high on coke and carrying an army rocket launcher.
26:18
Speaker 1: It was his GTA five.
26:21
Speaker 2: He's just here to fuck shit up All right.
26:24
Speaker 1: Here's our fifth and final story of the evening A high school in Albuquerque.
26:29
Speaker 1: Excuse me, let me start over.
26:30
Speaker 1: A high school in Albuquerque, new Mexico, is dealing with a lawsuit after a chemistry teacher thought having actual sword fights was a good idea.
26:40
Speaker 1: It happened in 2022, but a civil lawsuit was just filed.
26:45
Speaker 1: She was doing a lesson on meddling and metal and brought actual swords to the class.
26:52
Speaker 1: She had the students rearrange the seats into the form of a circle Okay, h-ride and they would start a timer, and the kids had to battle each other for two minutes.
27:04
Speaker 2: There's a video of this.
27:05
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
27:06
Speaker 1: That you can go and watch.
27:07
Speaker 1: Oh no, predictably it got a little intense and a 16 year old girl ended up with a serious gash on her right wrist.
27:14
Speaker 1: It severed multiple nerves and tendons and she had to have surgery.
27:19
Speaker 1: But here's my favorite part of the story, god.
27:22
Speaker 1: According to the lawsuit, the teacher yelled I'm in trouble and told everyone to delete footage from their phones, and no one called the 911 for 30 minutes.
27:37
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
27:38
Speaker 1: And here's the other one.
27:39
Speaker 1: She got fired two months later.
27:41
Speaker 1: I feel like the moment I organize some sort of like back in the sort of fight with ninja style weapons.
27:50
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm gonna be probably let go that day.
27:54
Speaker 1: I might make it to the end of the week.
27:57
Speaker 2: If it's Thursday, we might give you the benefit of the doubt Two months.
28:00
Speaker 1: The girl's family is seeking an undisclosed amount of money.
28:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right.
28:05
Speaker 1: This chemistry teacher turned her classroom into like mortal combat.
28:09
Speaker 2: Why chemistry though?
28:10
Speaker 1: Like my gosh.
28:11
Speaker 1: Right, we're just going to, we gotta look up the video.
28:17
Speaker 2: If this was the.
28:18
Speaker 1: Joe Rogan podcast.
28:19
Speaker 1: That's exactly what we've been doing right now.
28:21
Speaker 1: But there's actual video.
28:22
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's of the girl cutting her arm.
28:24
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I would just be sitting there.
28:27
Speaker 1: Can we call the 911?
28:28
Speaker 1: Yet I think my hand might fall off.
28:30
Speaker 2: We've got the school nurse down there with butterflies on it or what You've got to be too deep man, did they?
28:37
Speaker 2: Have jousting outfits on, at least my?
28:39
Speaker 1: gosh.
28:39
Speaker 1: No, they were probably wearing hay dudes.
28:43
Speaker 1: Pants that already had cuts in them Again, it wouldn't look bad.
28:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, it ain't gonna matter yeah.
28:48
Speaker 2: Stylish.
28:49
Speaker 1: I think that's gonna do it for this week.
28:51
Speaker 1: This is a quick show.
28:52
Speaker 1: We just wanna make sure we get some stuff out there.
28:55
Speaker 1: We've been back.
28:55
Speaker 1: Actually, last week we were gonna record and speak in the entries at school.
28:58
Speaker 1: My daughter broke her arm playing dodge ball.
29:02
Speaker 2: If you can dodge your inch, you can dodge all.
29:04
Speaker 1: Well, she couldn't catch it either, apparently, but I did ask her Did you at least catch it and get the person out?
29:10
Speaker 1: No, they eliminated me.
29:11
Speaker 1: Man, that sucks.
29:13
Speaker 1: So anyway, all right.
29:16
Speaker 1: Thanks again to all of you for listening to the show.
29:18
Speaker 1: Puddin and Ghibler, thank you as well.
29:21
Speaker 1: Make sure you check out our webpage aftertwobeerscom.
29:24
Speaker 1: Make sure you check us out on trivia If you wanna come and hang out with us.
29:27
Speaker 1: We'd greatly appreciate it.
29:28
Speaker 1: And we say it at the end of every show, and it is without question the most important thing we say during these 31 minutes, and that is simply this If you see someone in your life that you think they may be struggling, just know that they probably are.
29:41
Speaker 1: Just reach out to them, ask them how they're doing, how they've been, or just let them know you care about them.
29:46
Speaker 1: You'd be surprised how something so small might mean the absolute world to somebody.
29:50
Speaker 2: That's right, see you for Enbiver.
29:52
Speaker 1: There you go, all right, without further ado.
29:55
Speaker 1: I guess we will talk to them all next time.
29:59
Speaker 2: After two beers, I'll see you.