Latest / Daily Influence / 849. Why Giving First Builds Stronger Relationships

Transcript

849. Why Giving First Builds Stronger Relationships · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Daily Influence, your daily dose of positive influence.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Brian Smith founder of IA Business Advisors and co-author of the Iain team series.
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each day we share stories and insights to help you find be and build your influence in a positive and responsible way.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm Greg Clino, partner at IE Business Advisors, and co-host of Daily Influence.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to follow, subscribe, and share Daily Influence with someone who could use a little extra positivity today.
• 0:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And make us part of your Daily routine, whether it's during your commute, on a walk, or an quiet moment just for you, because you're influenced matters.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Daily Influence on Greg Lino.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today I'm joined by Dean Classman, founder of Payit Forward Financial, and someone who's commitment to connecting and serving people extends far beyond his professional network.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: For more than 25 years, Dean has helped organize and coach Buddy Baseball, creating opportunities for children and adults with disabilities to experience the teamwork, friendship, and belonging that comes from being part of a team.
• 1:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: He's also a long-term leader of the networking group, which has spent more than three decades bringing business people together around relationships, referrals, and a give-first philosophy.
• 1:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: More recently, Dean created fans to give men another place to build friendships and meaningful conversations, enjoy life, and give back.
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: What's struck me about Dean's story is the common thread running through all of these efforts.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Relationships aren't just about what we receive from other people.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're also about what we choose to do for and with the people around us.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today we're going to talk about what it really means to pay it forward.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: how we create genuine connections instead of transactional ones and how each of us can be more intentional about the influence we have within the relationships we've already built.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Dean, welcome to Daily Influence.
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Hey, Greg.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's a pleasure to be here.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm really excited about this and looking forward to it.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am too.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And Dean, when you walk across Buddy Baseball, TNG, fans, and your professional network, connecting people seems to be the common thread.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where did your belief that relationships should be used to help and serve other people come from first?
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's been a lot of learning a lot of watching a lot of podcasts through the years.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And just a lot of people have influenced me for that.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I get such a thrill of helping other people.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's no better feeling than I ever get is when I have the opportunity to pay it forward and to help other people.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever they need, whether it's getting a job, whether it's obviously to get business, but buddy baseball, that's it to the end of the career where we're able to take kids with special needs,
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I hate to use the word able body, but put them together and we play baseball and that's been an unbelievable experience and not only for the players, but for the buddies and volunteers and the parents, it's just a, it's a giant love fest.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, you spent more than 25 years with Buddy Baseball.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: What has that experience taught you about inclusion and belonging that people who lead businesses, teams, or communities often get wrong?
• 3:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: To experiences, it's amazing.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And to include people, and which kind of make it kind of interesting, since I do have a business, I also include a lot of my clients in there,
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: and showing them about giving.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm all about educating people because it's been such a beautiful experience for me and my family as a result of a buddy baseball.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter now is a special ed administrator and my son was always involved in my wife.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: We would've been a whole family thing which really makes it cool now is that I have some of my buddies that were around with me 20 years ago, their kids are now being buddies.
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they're buddying the same players.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I've had some players that have been with me for 25 years
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And these people are unbelievable to experience them.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And to bring that in the workplace, and we also encourage companies to come out and do it as a company event and bring that inclusion in there and they get to see.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of misconceptions about people with special needs.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: They are the most amazing people I've ever met in my life.
• 4:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how we choose to show up for other people also seems to be a major part of the philosophy behind TNG as well.
• 4:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: TNG is operated around give first philosophy for decades networking can easily become transactional.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: What can this person do for me?
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: What does give first look like in practice?
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how can someone tell whether they're actually building a relationship rather than simply disguising a transaction?
• 5:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a great question.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a reform taker.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm an insurance broker.
• 5:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have to do it
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: And when you get into the insurance business, your goal is to get someone involved in a product that's in their best interest.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: But then you go and ask them for referrals.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: So after a while, after about four or five years, that didn't feel right for me.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, you know what?
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I was introduced to the concept of a networking group and helping other people and I jumped all over it.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's been unbelievable.
• 5:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: In fact, this Thursday, we're starting our 35th year.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: We started with six skies.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we've grown at one point,
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: members.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: That was pretty wild.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot of control at that point.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I do have some mentors that I really, this Bob Berg, he wrote a book called Endless Referrals and I love the me.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: In fact, I developed a relationship with him and he actually came up from Florida and spent time with me and our group.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we had about 120 people show up and it was amazing.
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I mean, one of my favorite lines with
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: with Bob, his concepts is, how can I help the other person?
• 6:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, a lot of times you go to these chamber meetings, I don't want to pick on chamber meetings, they're great, but a lot of times you go to certain meetings that people are just looking out, what's in it for me?
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And when you take this gift first philosophy, even if you don't get anything at that meeting, I believe in karma.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so in other words, what we do in our networking group is we have one area where we have people that are we call in-between successes,
• 6:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they come in and look for opportunities.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of people have gotten opportunities from that.
• 6:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: That started in like 2008 when the real estate market went down.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then we give also every month we pick a charity.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: In last month we gave $2,500 to a specific charity.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Just bought people throwing money into a hat.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's amazing.
• 6:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's just, one of me how to be a giver first, listening, how we've had my antennas up, having our antennas up.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And one of my favorite quotes that Bob uses is when you talk to someone if you're looking for an icebreaker and after you've developed a little report with that person, ask that person, what's one I'm talking to someone?
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: How do I know that they're a good prospect or client for you?
• 7:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Again, leaving on that note and always looking on how you can help them and their careers and creating strategic introductions.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there's a lot of value leading which generosity, but even a positive intention can have unintended consequences if we are not self aware about how we are helping.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's a potential downside to being someone who consistently connects and helps people.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can assume we know what someone needs over commit ourselves or even create an expectation of reciprocity.
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: have you ever gotten paying it forward wrong?
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what did that experience teach you about helping people responsibly?
• 8:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think of a few times where I had a wrong, where I read somebody wrong.
• 8:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: In other words, I thought they were X and they turned out to be Y.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: And when I refer to somebody else, they kind of embarrassed myself.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I learned I have to do a little bit more digging deep,
• 8:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: 9 out of 10 times I'm right, but there is that every now and then I do get it wrong and that's okay and I apologize and try not to make the same mistakes twice.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the important thing is you learn from it.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Sure, definitely.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You recently started fans around friendship, meaningful conversation, fun and giving back.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: What need were you seeing that made you believe men needed other intentional ways to build genuine friendships?
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what had you learned from creating that environment?
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's kind of interesting because I watch all how the YouTube and one of the things I've said, and I just turned 70 this year, and I'm still working, however, I'm finding that a lot of people that I've researched have when people turn like 65, 70 years old, you know, there were,
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: important roles and all of a sudden that it's going and their identity is going.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so they're looking for a spot.
• 9:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: In fact, there's five groups now that I know on the North Shore that are going strong.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I just wanted to copy that and do the same thing.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's been a challenge.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: We've started in March and we do always have the, the first of them was a charity event.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Go figure and then we, but it's been good.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: We meet for lunches, we meet for practices and it's just getting guys together and just
• 9:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, because it's lonely out there somehow women are much better tune to taking that next step when they get into retirement or men don't have that sit down as many friends per se and because they're busy working versus not the women didn't work with them work as well, but somehow they kept their friendships more than men do so it's been it's so far it's been unbelievable experience and these five other families it's like a mafia they're including me in to come meet with them so I could learn more.
• 10:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, like one group, for example, a group called the Hawks Happy Old Guys, they have 172 members with 100 men on their waiting list.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's amazing.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's amazing.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: So there's definitely a need.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm just want to fill that void, because I love that part.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's great.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've talked a bit about relationships and community, but intentional influence also shows up in some of the harder decisions we make for the people who depend on us.
• 10:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your professional work involves helping families prepare for circumstances.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Many people would rather avoid talking about.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: like death and disability, long-term care, and protecting the people who depend on them.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: How do you help someone move from, I'll deal with that someday, to making a specific intentional decision today?
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a very, it's a challenge because people don't want, you know, who wants to talk about death.
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I try to make it a, you know, getting sick or hurt.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I try to make it a little bit more fun, but also making more realistic.
• 11:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I find a lot of times where changes is when they actually see it.
• 11:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't say, I'm many times on a Monday, I get a call over the weekend.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: Somebody was at a party and they heard a story or they actually experienced someone getting sick or hurt.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: So at this point, I've been doing it 42 years.
• 11:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I like to really just.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Take that same giving philosophy and I do it because I want to do it now, you know, when I was in my 30s I had to do it, but now I want to do it, and I just wanted to show people that your health could change like that and you can't take that for granted.
• 11:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that is so true.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: For someone listening, Dean, who agrees with the idea of paying it for, but isn't sure where to begin, what is one specific action you would challenge them to take in the next seven days to positively influence someone already in their network or family or place or their community?
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, fine, so I cause it really beats to you.
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: For me, working with kids with special needs, and speaking of that, I
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'll not own plug my business, but I will plug buddy baseball.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: We have buddy baseball every Sunday in Buffalo Grove that we have a field that that actually if I could just I don't know that a little a pair, but that's that's the field it's all rubber so even if it rains we could play and it is an amazing field so if the people looking for
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Giving back.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: Here's one way if people are interested in giving back and it's fine.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm finding more adults getting into a more than I started with young kids like 11 and 14 year old kids 15 year old kids, but I find adults get it and they're more active and they're doing it because they want to not because they're trying to
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: but feel some needs that they have to do at school and giving back.
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: The other things is, you know, go to your local place of worship and give back and just think about how you can help that other person.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't tell you how much of a drug it is for me to just give back and just making changing someone's life.
• 13:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I guarantee you'll feel better about it.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that is so true, Dean.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before we close, what is the best way for listeners to learn more about
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: I would say my website and the one my email address, and it's a dean at GIFFIN.com.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's kind of interesting.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I got that name.
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: paid forward.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I went for many, many years.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: I sold part of my business four years ago, and I had to change my name and believe it or not, they had paid forward financial available.
• 13:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I jumped on it.
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: And in fact, the years ago, from my networking group, we said, all of us were bracelets that said paid forward.
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then I was able to get that as my company.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's p-f-f-ion.com.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, and also if there's people that,
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: We have like, I never can agree about 80 members, but we're always looking for pop other members and go from there or if you have people that are in between successes, looking for their next opportunity, that can reach out to me.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I would have more than invited to our networking group.
• 14:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's no charge for that and it's just way of giving back.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Great, Dean, we'll put all that information in the show notes.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your stories in your advice with us today.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you very much for the time I really enjoyed it.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Into our listeners, thank you for listening to daily influence.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Take one key insight from today's conversation and intentionally put it into practice in your own life.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you can have a positive response for influence on those around you.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, every interaction is an opportunity to influence.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: and the influence you create is always your choice.
• 14:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have a great day.
• 14:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye bye.