Latest / The Woody Show / HIGHLIGHT POD 30 MINS: The Woody Show October 13th 2026 Podcast

Transcript

HIGHLIGHT POD 30 MINS: The Woody Show October 13th 2026 Podcast · The Woody Show

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: First world problems. Little things that just annoy the crap
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: out of you. You know what? My frustration has been
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: here more recently now that they have the new iPhone out.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: My current iPhone, which is the 17. Battery all of
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: a sudden is an issue. Isn't that weird? It just
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: starts getting killed quicker than ever.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Are those related?
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Because that's been my problem too.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Usually it's the new operating system that requires more juice. Anyway...
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: So I plug it in, but this is something that
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: my phone's never really done before. You plug it in
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: the charger. I'm on my way somewhere. So I'm like, oh,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I'll charge it between here and my destination. That gives
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: me a little bit of extra. The phone, I look
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: down to see where we're at.
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: It goes. Oh, I'm sorry.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Charging has been paused.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: And we'll resume when.
• 0:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, I hate that.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: And it's not so hot. And we'll resume when the
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: phone goes back to whatever, acceptable temperature. Temperature, yep.
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: Like, you're on optimal charging right now.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I get that, too. And I'm not using off-branded... I'm
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: using the Apple-branded cords and all the chargers and everything else,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: but now, all of a sudden, that's what it does
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: to me.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I've never had that happen.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: That happens to me all the time when I'm doing.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It in the car.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: First world problem, for sure.
• 1:11
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: 877-44-WOODY.
• 1:13
  Speaker 6: We will.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: We will compare it to this week's That Sucks stories.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: Let's say hi to Melissa. Hi, Melissa. Hi, Melissa. Hi,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: good morning.
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: All right, so what's your first world problem?
• 1:25
  Speaker 6: So my world problem is I'm constipated.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: And I've tried everything.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: And it's so embarrassing.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: I've tried everything.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I try to drink a ton of coffee.
• 1:36
  Speaker 6: I've done laxatives. I've done other things.
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: And nothing works. Oh, no. We're bringing Morgan in. I
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: think Morgan's got it because Morgan actually is the one.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: Pro tip. Morgan's the one who actually tried this. All right.
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: Here comes Morgan. All right. This is a pro tip.
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: I'm not even kidding, but this is a real thing.
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: It sounds fake. It sounds fake, but it's a real thing.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: It's for ladies with constipation only.
• 2:03
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: So, Melissa, what you're going to want to do is
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: when you're sitting in the toilet, you're going.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: To take your thumb.
• 2:09
  Speaker 6: Oh, no.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Stick it up there. In your vagina.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: Your main one.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Your female hole.
• 2:18
  Speaker 4: The thumb goes in the female hole.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, kind of like you're going digging, right?
• 2:22
  Speaker 6: But go up and then you're going to feel like
• 2:25
  Speaker 6: something there and just push down a little bit.
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: And there you go. Morgan swears it works. Somebody told
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: us about that.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Morgan's like, I'll try it. She tried it and now
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: she swears by it. I think if you're in a
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: situation desperate enough Why not try it?
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, I swear, Melissa.
• 2:42
  Speaker 6: I'll try it.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Not the first time your thumb's been in there. I'm
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: going to let you know if it works.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, let us know.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, please report back. All right, well, Melissa, I know
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: going through that really does suck. But let's compare it
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: to this story. A 26-year-old construction worker was working on
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: a roof in England when suddenly he fell through it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: He crashed through a skylight. He hit the floor, but
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: not before completely destroying his junk. on the handle of
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a pallet jack on the way down. Oh, hell no.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: Jesus.
• 3:10
  Speaker 4: The whole fall was caught on video.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You can see the guy's groin just lands perfectly on
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: the jack handle before he flips over. He squirms in pain. Now,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: the good news is he's alive. He knows he's lucky
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: to be alive with the bad news, man. His junk
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: is in terrible shape. That sucks. But Melissa, who's probably
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: what you'd rather have? You're constipated, but you still have thumbs.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Or this guy who might be permanently.
• 3:35
  Speaker 6: I'd rather be constipated.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: You'd rather be constipated.
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: All right, that makes sense. All right, thank you, Melissa.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Appreciate the call.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Good luck.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Hey, report back to us.
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: Let us know how that works out. Can't go poopy
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: or don't have a peepee. Yeah, right. Let's say hi
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: to Al. Hey, what's going on, Al?
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Woody Show, you know, good morning.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: All right, Al, what's your first world problem?
• 3:59
  Speaker 7: Oh, my God, Woody Show, I'm driving eastbound.
• 4:02
  Speaker 5: And the sun is hitting my face and I left
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: my sunglasses in the backseat inside my backpack.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Driving east right into that sun.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Forget your locs.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: They're not even accessible. Yeah.
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: Cause more problems trying to get it while you're driving.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: I'm running late and I can't pull over.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, no.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: How about this?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: A 32-year-old California hockey player suing Bauer Hockey and Pure
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Hockey Stores for millions after a puck reportedly went through
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: his helmet during.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: A game last year.
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: And left him seriously injured. He's got memory and vision problems.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: His lawyer also says he's got intimacy problems with his wife.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, damn.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Because Willie doesn't work now.
• 4:46
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: Their attorney says that the part of the case, that
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: part right there, that alone could be worth millions. So
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: dude got hit in the head with a hockey puck
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: and somehow his penis ended up broken.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Dude.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, that sucks. Who's problem would you rather have there, Al? Oh,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I would deal with my problems. I like my junk
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: too much.
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: All right, Al, thank you for the call. Appreciate you listening.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: You're hitting the head and your junk doesn't work?
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: Maybe they just tacked that on because who's going to
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: make them prove it? Yeah, right.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Let's see. Everybody say hi to Jennifer.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: Jennifer.
• 5:22
  Speaker 6: Hey, I have a first world problem for you guys.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: Let's hear it.
• 5:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah, my son and I have been bonding every morning
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: over your show and just having the best time. And
• 5:31
  Speaker 6: we drive to college and this is the worst day
• 5:34
  Speaker 6: ever because for whatever reason, I cannot get good reception
• 5:37
  Speaker 6: for the Woody show. And I keep hearing it. Static, static, static, diarrhea. Static, static, static,
• 5:43
  Speaker 6: sexual diarrhea.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Static, static.
• 5:45
  Speaker 6: And that's pretty much all I'm getting. And I want
• 5:48
  Speaker 6: to get all the details of the story, and I'm missing.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It because it's static.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, man.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: That sucks. Well, look, there's always the app. You can
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: always stream if that ever becomes, like, a really big problem.
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: Because I understand. You really do need to hear about
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: these sexually trained.
• 6:01
  Speaker 6: I'm sorry that I have another second world problem or
• 6:04
  Speaker 6: first world problem is that I'm in an older car
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: that I can't get streaming through.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: Oh, man.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Well, as you're listening with your son, and you want
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: to hear all about sexually transmitted diarrhea, and I can see.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: Where that would be a problem.
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: Somebody's got to teach him, Woody. Somebody's got to teach him.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: I hear you.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Well, let's compare your first world problem with the static
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: to this one. This woman was killed in a freak accident.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: This is.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: At a lakeside restaurant in South Carolina, strong winds sent
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: a patio umbrella flying into her while she was there
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: eating with her husband. Authorities say a sudden gust of
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: wind ripped the umbrella from the table.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: It struck the woman in the head and neck.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: She suffered severe injuries and was pronounced dead at the scene.
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: The umbrella severed a major artery in her neck.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: She was only 56 years old. That sucks! So whose
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: problem would you rather have there, Jennifer?
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Would you rather be dead or your problem?
• 6:59
  Speaker 6: Well, at first I was going to say it was
• 7:01
  Speaker 6: me until she sadly passed away. So, yeah, really, I
• 7:04
  Speaker 6: can't compare it. It's not fair.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: Well, there you go.
• 7:06
  Speaker 6: See?
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: A little perspective. A little perspective.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Jennifer, thank you so much for the call. Appreciate you
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: listening to The Woody Show.
• 7:11
  Speaker 7: Thank you, guys.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Bye-bye. Bye.
• 7:15
  Speaker 6: Bye.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: See?
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just need that perspective.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: 100%.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Truly.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: Let's see. What else do we have here?
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Let's go to.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: uh chris everybody say hi to chris chris hey how's
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: it going what are you oh.
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: We're doing great all right so what's your first world
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: problem all.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Right it's traffic honestly it's just kind of annoying people
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: driving too slow cutting me off like i have to
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: put on classical music or something just to keep me
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: calm all right so uh you're not in a tesla
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: are you no okay because somebody shared that pro tip
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: with me here uh recently that If you're looking.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: To merge in somewhere, just find the first Tesla you see.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: Because it backs off.
• 7:52
  Speaker 6: Oh, yeah.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because everybody's in full self-driving mode, and it automatically
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: will give you like 17.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: Car lengths to get in. Yeah, that's a great tip. Yeah,
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: no one's doing that whole game of chicken to not
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: let you in.
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: All right. So frustrations in traffic.
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: I hear you.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: First world problem.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I get it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Let's compare it to this story. A pod of six
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to eight sperm whales. First of all, whales just sank
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: a 52 foot yacht in the South Pacific.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: The whole thing is on drone video. They were just
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: cruising along.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: The whale slammed the hull, smashed the steering and just started.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: Flooding the boat.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: They made a they bailed with the buckets and then
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: finally gave up and just watched the boat disappear into
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: the water.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: They spent about 18 hours in a life raft until
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: some people from the New Zealand Air Force patrol plane
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: spotted them and a cargo ship.
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: Hauled them aboard. It's like a movie.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: By the way, the whales have not been reached for comment,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: but they're all laughing at their whale buddies.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Hey, check out what we did. We crushed it.
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we did. Yeah.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: So whose problem would you rather have? Because that one sucks.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Would you rather have your traffic problem or be stranded
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: out in the middle of the South Pacific after whales
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: sunk your boat? Yeah. You know what? I'll take the traffic.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: Sounds like a good plan. All right, Chris, thank you.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Appreciate you listening to The Woody Show. Thank you. And
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: that's how you do First World Problems, everybody.
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I'm feeling better. Yeah, you got one for us, Greg? Oh,
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: in addition to my dumb, clean coffee maker light, I
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: got that new ring doorbell, which rules. Oh, yeah, Greg's
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: been raving about that.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: It's incredible.
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: But the new one is taller and narrower. And because
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: of the way it's wired, I have to have the
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: original plate for the ring on the door. So it
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: kind of overlaps.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: Oh, God.
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: How trashy.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 9:42
  Speaker 7: I had this thing with my neighbor. He was, like,
• 9:44
  Speaker 7: trimming all of his trees. And he cut, like, one
• 9:47
  Speaker 7: of the branches off.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: And it's massive. And it fell in my backyard.
• 9:51
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 9:52
  Speaker 7: So, like, all the landscapers, they left for the day
• 9:56
  Speaker 7: and all this stuff. So I'm like, dude, do I
• 9:58
  Speaker 7: chop up?
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: What do I do with this branch?
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Do I just throw it over onto his side?
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: Dude, this is yours.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: So what I did.
• 10:05
  Speaker 7: Was I kind of just left it up on the fence,
• 10:07
  Speaker 7: hoping that he'll just grab it. But it's been there
• 10:10
  Speaker 7: for a couple of days.
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: He's over it.
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: Somebody said their face ID is not working right now.
• 10:15
  Speaker 5: Oh, no.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with your face? I mean, you know, that
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: happens every once in a while. You know, it's like
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: annoying when you're always in a rush. And so all
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: because the phone, you know, hadn't been used in a
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: certain amount of time or you just restarted the phone.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: It always requires the password first.
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Before you can before you could do that again. Well, hey,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: anybody else who's got a first world problem?
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Consider this.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Do you hear about that guy in Ohio who was walking?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: He was talking on the phone to his wife.
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: And she asked him, hey, can you meet me down
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: at the golf course?
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Which was just down the road.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: Sounds nice. All right, cool. Well, on the way, he
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: lost his footing. Okay.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: And he fell off a cliff and into this ravine.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: What?
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: No path in, no path out. So the guy was
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: there just stuck, yelling for help. He ended up getting
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: stuck there.
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: For four days.
• 11:05
  Speaker 6: Geez.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: I thought you were going to say four hours. No,
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: before he got rescued.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Four days? Oh, my God. Ended up with hypothermia, broken legs,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: broken pelvis, a broken wrist. That sucks. Damn.
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: So, I mean, Greg, I know you're having these frustrations. Yeah. Menace,
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: I know you have the branch frustration.
• 11:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: Gina.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so many problems.
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but I mean, really, think about that. Whose problem
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: would you rather have? Definitely mine.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: I'll keep my glitchy.
• 11:29
  Speaker 4: There you go. And you're welcome, everybody.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Let's do it. Let's do it.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: We're doing it.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: We're doing it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Let's all go in.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Wouldn't be the first time Greg and I did it.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Aw, crap.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The Woody Show. Now, despite all of our best
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: efforts to please all people all the time.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Doesn't work.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It doesn't work.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: What?
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: You'd think they'd be reasonable about it.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: You would think. A lot of people always think there's
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: a conspiracy. We're working against them or, you know, I
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Some people just.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: Can't be pleased.
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: That's true.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: And so we've realized that this is unfortunate, but it's
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: a necessary thing to meet people at the Woody Show Crossroads. Oh, no.
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: Yes, either we let them loose or they let themselves loose.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: There was a funny text that we got here recently
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: and said, I look forward to hearing the Woody Show
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: crossroads on the show the way I used to look
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: forward to the Homie the Clown segments on In Living Color.
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, wow.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Homie don't play that.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, man. I used to watch those shows hoping that
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: your favorite bit would come on. Like, oh, man, is
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: SNL going to do Wayne's World or whatever?
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: Remind me, what was Homie the Clown? He just beat
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: the hell out of stupid.
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: Kids, right?
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: He was like a hood clown. He was wrongfully incarcerated
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: a number of times. And now to make ends meet,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: he was out there. doing kids parties and he's like
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: let me tell you a story about what happened the
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: man locked me up blah blah blah and then the
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: kids were like.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: Is that because whatever homie and he'd smack him with
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: the bag like homie don't.
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: Play that so he's sort of an anti kids say
• 13:08
  Speaker 5: the darndest things oh yeah big.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Time that was a great bit the homeboy shopping network
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: men on books men on fire marshal bill there's so
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: many great segments anyway So it's just for everybody's best
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: interest that we let these people loose.
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: We cut them loose. We fire them as listeners.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Or you know what? A lot of times it's just
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: them saying that they're no longer listening. And so we
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: don't even have.
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: To part ways.
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: That's very important.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So this first one, and they come in different ways.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: One is like Woody Show email. The other one is
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: to the station email address. So if you go on
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: our website, it says contact us. And when they do that, yes,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: it goes to management, which is what they're typically wanting
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: to do. But it also gets copied to the people
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: who are on the air, because a lot of times
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: it's a request or a question about a prize they
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: won on the station or something like that. This one
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: came to the Woody Show email, email at thewoodyshow.com, from Marisol. Subject,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: concern from an educator.
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: Uh-oh. All right.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: As a history teacher, I find it genuinely concerning that
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Menace continues to deny the moon landing on air.
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: What?
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: That's what I've been saying.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Someone please explain to him that there's a difference between
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: having an opinion and repeatedly denying an historical event that
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: is supported by an overwhelming amount of evidence.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: And calling the people who worked on it liars, essentially.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: The Apollo 11 moon landing wasn't some story NASA made
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: up and expected the world to believe. There were astronauts,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: mission recordings, photographs, lunar rock samples, and independent tracking of
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: the missions. In fact... The Soviet Union was America's biggest
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: competitor in the space race during the Cold War. And
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: if we had faked the landing, the Soviets would have
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: had every reason to expose it.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: But they would have dug down us so hard, Menace.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: But it's not.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: It's just Menace's blind stupidity that is the problem.
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: Well, no, also it's an unearned arrogance that people don't
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: talk about this enough. Conspiracy theorists think they're getting won
• 14:55
  Speaker 5: over on everybody else.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest problems we face in schools today
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: is that kids are increasingly treating every documented historical event
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: as debatable simply because they saw something online that made
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: them question it. That's why Menace's comments bother me so much.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: When someone with a public platform repeatedly denies something that
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: is thoroughly documented, it gives listeners the impression that facts
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: are somehow up for debate.
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: There is not an equal argument here, and pretending like
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: there is one only creates more stupid people like Menace.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, damn.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: You should probably really just turn his mic off sometimes.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: The longer you leave his mic on to spew this
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: false information, the more listeners you will lose. You've already
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: lost at least one.
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: Come back.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: That is from Marisol.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: We've lost Marisol.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know.
• 15:48
  Speaker 7: Marisol, I understand you're a history teacher and thank you
• 15:53
  Speaker 7: for your service because you are a hero like T-Bag says.
• 15:56
  Speaker 7: But can you say that every history book is 100% correct?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: That was not the argument you were trying to make.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: How is it not?
• 16:08
  Speaker 7: I mean, the moon landing is not a part of
• 16:11
  Speaker 7: history or not?
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: Another one here.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Keep on moving then.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: To the Woody Show email, email at thewoodyshow.com from Kyle D. Subject, whoop, whoop. Oh,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I know where this is going. Uh-oh.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Bruh.
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: Bruh.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I'm so damn sick of Seabass pulling up to the
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: gathering every friggin' year just to talk ish and clown
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: on us juggalos like bro WTF. Nobody forcing yo ass
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: to come. And then there's a skull emoji. So that's
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: a threat.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: You'll note this here, bruh, that I went out of
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: my way to praise the Juggalos. Now, if these wanksters
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: in the studio, if these Juffs in the studio, that's
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: Juggalo slang for fake Juggalo loser wannabes.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: If they want to bet on you, go after them,
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: not me.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: Been down with ICP forever, and it's played to be
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: acting like we some dumbass hillbillies just because we ain't
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: boring like them. That's true.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: They are exciting.
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: This is the argument, is that, well, everybody's already making
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: fun of us, so you're making fun of us doesn't count?
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: ICP has been around since freaking 1989, and the gathering
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: has been popping since 2000. Over 100,000 mother effers showed
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: up combined. That's a whole lot of damn people. Clown emoji,
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: fire emoji.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: A lot of them are dead, too, from overdoses.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: We ain't just some random.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: Weirdos, bro. We family. And Seabass, my dude.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: If you hate juggalos so damn much, why TF you
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: keep coming back?
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: Two skull emojis.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: I told you many times.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: Nobody begging your ass to show up. Stay home then, goofy.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: What he is, by the way.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: What he begs me every year.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Bro, really be pulling up every year just to hate. Like,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: it's his whole damn personality.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: No, it's just one weekend of a month with a
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: year's personality.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Just because we paint our faces and chug Faygo don't
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: mean we stupid. No.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: We got doctors in this bitch. Lawyers, too.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: You've tried that before. It doesn't work.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: People with real jobs and money and ish. Bet some
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: of us make more than Seabass do. I mean, ICP
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: does probably. Juggalos don't give two issues what nobody thinks.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Kind of sounds like a deal.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: It really does.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: We've been the outcast and we still out here. Seabass,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: that's what dudes like y'all can't stand. We actually got
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: a family and don't need nobody's approval. So next time
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: you want to pull up and run your mouth, just
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: remember you, the one paying attention to us every damn year.
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: Sounds like fan behavior to me, little bro.
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: What you gonna do when the clowns clown on you, bitch?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Whoop, whoop.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Family MCL. That's, uh, What's MCL?
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: MCL is.
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: Family MCL.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Anyway, that's from Kyle.
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: Much clown love. See, I know.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: Much what?
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: Much clown love.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Much clown love.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: How sweet.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: That's sweet.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: That's a good way to end it.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Have you ever met a doctor in that bitch?
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: You remember that there's maybe 10 years ago, I was
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: talking to a guy.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: There's doctors in here.
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: He'd literally woken up in a pile of nitrous containers.
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: And I talked to him and he's like, and by
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: the way, he talked to me because I was like,
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: I gave him a thing of water and he had
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: no money.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: There's doctors up in here.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: There's lawyers up in here. And, you know, we questioned
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: that very much.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Where are they at though?
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: 626.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: With the one about menaces. Well, I got to say,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: this is the first Crossroads that actually has a valid point.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Allegedly.
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: But this is when it says, I'm with you, menace.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: Government lies all the time.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, believe everything the government says, guys.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: That's not.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: Don't agree. Menace is a great debater. Thought-provoking.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: There's a difference.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah. How about this one? They can't hide secrets ever.
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Let's see. This is one that was sent to the
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: station feedback.
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: From Bethany. Subject, The Woody Show. This is the one
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: where they say, reply requested?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Yes. I'm running to make positive that the management of
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: this radio station is aware of a segment that is
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: currently airing on The Woody Show.
• 20:06
  Speaker 4: It's called Judge the Baby. And it should be looked
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: into ASAP.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: It's an investigation.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: It was basically just a pylon session where all the
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: on-air hosts criticized and harshly judged an innocent baby.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: And the commenters.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: And you don't know it's innocent?
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: They made fun of the baby boy for being overweight,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: said it looked like a white trash redneck, and even
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: said he would probably end up in jail someday.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, he'll spend some time with you. He's not
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: going to stay there.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: As a mother, I am wondering, how is this segment
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: approved and considered entertainment?
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: As a mother.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: It's about a baby who cannot give consent. Grown adults
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: should not publicly mock a minor's appearance and make cruel
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: assumptions about their futures. And to make things even worse,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: The Woody Show posted multiple photos of the baby online
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: and encouraged people to leave comments judging it.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: We didn't steal those photos.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: No, the mom sent them.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: She wanted it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: She didn't know it was coming.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Children cannot consent to having their images used in this way,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: nor can they defend themselves against the ridicule. A baby
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: should never have to become the punchline of a joke
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: they never consented to be a part of. The family
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: deserves an apology. The family's the one that asked for it.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: The family volunteered.
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: And your cruelty to innocent minors has lost you a listener.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh. I doubt she was really ever a listener.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: That baby got a 7.5 out of 10.
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: It was one.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: Of the highest scoring babies.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: We lost Bethany.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Bethany. That fat baby crushed.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Everybody loved that fat baby.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: And did she send a letter to friends when Emma
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: was in a baby beauty pageant? I don't think so.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: Nope.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, by the way, somebody who was one of the
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: original Judge My Baby.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: People just graduated college.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: Oh, did they send an updated photo?
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: No.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: Well, here's the thing. They sent a text.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Saying that the kid is, like, nine years old now.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: And they said, hey, let us know if it swans up.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: And they said, well, you know, he's actually turned out
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: to be pretty cute. We'd like to send some pictures
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: and have people. I'm like, here's the thing. I'm not
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: going to put a nine-year-old's picture up there. Because, like,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: babies are one thing. Like, that baby will never be
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: recognized down the line. But if you start putting, like,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: a nine-year-old's picture up there, like, please understand, while the
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: bit is fun and it's funny and everything else, like, Oh, man.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: That'll haunt them.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: We're not putting pictures of... We're not going to put
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: the photo up, but I'd like to see it. At
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: least in the office. Of nine-year-olds and stuff up there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: Like behind the scenes. Let's look at it.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Behind the scenes, yes. We'd be happy to take a
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: look and see if your kid is swanned up.
• 22:29
  Speaker 5: Somebody from the 909 texted, sounds like Bethany has an
• 22:32
  Speaker 5: ugly baby.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe.
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: Mattis, I think that sounds like Bethany probably has some
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: other ugly things going on.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: Jeff Goldblum.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: All right, here we got one more.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: Oh, no. One more here in this round of the crossroads.
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: Another one sent to the station. Feedback from River W.
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: River.
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: River. Subject.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Formal complaint. The Woody Show disturbing celebration of violence and death.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: Reply requested.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Yes. Dear program manager, this complaint is to express my
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: absolute disgust with the way the Woody Show repeatedly discusses.
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: Violence, crime, and the deaths of human beings on the air.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: Your hosts routinely report news stories about individuals who are killed, yes,
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: some while committing crimes, by declaring Das Wassup as though
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: someone's death is something to celebrate.
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: I would like to quote Das Wassup. Das Wassup.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: They make flippant comments such as, gee, I wonder how
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: this could have been avoided.
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: That's a good question.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Reducing the loss of a human life to a punchline.
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: They did that.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Most recently, I heard the host celebrating a teenager who
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: shot and killed someone who had broken.
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: Into their home.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I said there was a whole compilation of
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: kids who fought back against robbers. That one kid had
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: the machete, remember? Regardless of whether the shooting was legally justified,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the fact that a person died should not be treated
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: as an exciting victory or an occasion for entertainment.
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: Their enthusiasm for the death penalty is equally disturbing.
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: Enthusiasm.
• 24:05
  Speaker 4: Big fan, big fan. We are.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: The hosts have even endorsed the ridiculous idea to publicly
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: stream the execution of the Fort Hood shooter and.
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: Did so with genuine excitement.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: The idea that a person's execution could be treated like
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: some kind of spectator event is grotesque. What makes these
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: comments especially offensive is the extraordinary lack of empathy and
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: how disconnected they are from the complexity of human lives.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Their commentary often comes across as self-righteous and deeply privileged.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: I did my homework and surprise, surprise. They are white.
• 24:39
  Speaker 6: Homework.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: The repeated use of Das What's Up in response to
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: someone's death is callous, dehumanizing.
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: And profoundly disappointing.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: And cultural appropriation.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: It takes humanity and maturity to recognize that even people
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: who make terrible decisions are still human beings. and I
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: find it deeply troubling this kind of rhetoric was being
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: broadcast over the public airwaves. Station management is not free
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: from responsibility for the content it chooses.
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: To promote and endorse.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: Let's bring him up.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: And I expect station management to take these concerns seriously, sincerely.
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: They're better.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: River Wexler, he slash him.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, I didn't expect that.
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: We've lost a real good guy, so.
• 25:20
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Jeez.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Gotta do something about them whites.
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Like river. Yeah. Yeah, Gene, I would have.
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: I don't know where, but I would have expected a
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: they in there somewhere.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: No, that's a he-him right there.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: That's a man's man right there. Sorry for the lack
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: of empathy for people who decide they're going to do
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: some kind of home invasion.
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, hurt other people.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: And then they're met with force on the other side
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: by the person they were planning on either injuring, killing,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: or harming in some way.
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: Torturing.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Eh, no.
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: That's what's up. That's what I'm saying. That's somebody's child.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Well, there's the crossroads, everybody.
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I've taken a big, fresh, healthy dump. You just feel
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: so much lighter afterwards.
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: Today I do. I feel free.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break. We've got some
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: more Woody Show coming up for you next.
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: The Woody Show.