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295. When You Don't Have All the Information: Why We Create Stories · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie (2): Have you ever noticed that when you don't have all the information, your mind rushes in to fill the blanks?
• 0:06
  Kathie (2): Maybe someone doesn't return your text.
• 0:08
  Kathie (2): Maybe your boss schedules a meeting.
• 0:11
  Kathie (2): Maybe your spouse seems quiet.
• 0:13
  Kathie (2): Maybe your adult child hasn't called.
• 0:16
  Kathie (2): Maybe your team isn't communicating, and before you know it, you've created an entire story.
• 0:24
  Kathie (2): And you know what's interesting?
• 0:25
  Kathie (2): Most of the time, we don't even realize we're doing it.
• 0:29
  Kathie (2): We think we're solving a problem.
• 0:31
  Kathie (2): We think we're being prepared.
• 0:33
  Kathie (2): We think we're being responsible.
• 0:35
  Kathie (2): But what if we're actually trying to escape uncertainty?
• 0:42
  Kathie (2): Welcome to the Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast.
• 0:45
  Kathie (2): This is where we explore human patterns under pressure, leadership, nervous systems, emotional regulation, workplace dynamics, and the invisible patterns that shape how we think, perform, communicate, and relate to one another.
• 1:01
  Kathie (2): For more than 30 years, I've worked around leaders, teams, founders, high performers, and people navigating enormous amounts of pressure, and one pattern shows up everywhere.
• 1:14
  Kathie (2): When people don't have answers, they create stories.
• 1:19
  Kathie (2): I've done it.
• 1:20
  Kathie (2): You've done it.
• 1:21
  Kathie (2): We've all done it.
• 1:23
  Kathie (2): Years ago, while co-parenting after my divorce, there were many times I didn't know what was happening on the other side.
• 1:31
  Kathie (2): I didn't know what conversations were taking place.
• 1:33
  Kathie (2): I didn't know what decisions were being made.
• 1:35
  Kathie (2): I didn't know what my children were hearing.
• 1:38
  Kathie (2): And what I eventually realized was fascinating.
• 1:42
  Kathie (2): The less information I had, the more stories I created.
• 1:46
  Kathie (2): I would rehearse conversations that were never going to happen, imagine outcomes that never occurred, create explanations for things I could not possibly verify.
• 2:00
  Kathie (2): At the time, I thought I was being reasonable.
• 2:03
  Kathie (2): Looking back, I think I was trying to create certainty.
• 2:08
  Kathie (2): And that's a very human thing to do.
• 2:11
  Kathie (2): Our nervous systems don't particularly enjoy uncertainty.
• 2:16
  Kathie (2): We like answers.
• 2:17
  Kathie (2): We like closure.
• 2:18
  Kathie (2): We like predictability.
• 2:19
  Kathie (2): We like knowing what's coming next.
• 2:21
  Kathie (2): So when information is missing, the brain often fills the gap.
• 2:27
  Kathie (2): The problem is that the story we create often becomes more stressful than reality itself.
• 2:35
  Kathie (2): Think about how often this happens.
• 2:37
  Kathie (2): Someone doesn't respond.
• 2:39
  Kathie (2): We assume they're upset.
• 2:40
  Kathie (2): A meeting gets scheduled.
• 2:42
  Kathie (2): We assume we're in trouble.
• 2:44
  Kathie (2): A loved one seems distant.
• 2:45
  Kathie (2): We assume we've done something wrong.
• 2:48
  Kathie (2): A client goes quiet.
• 2:50
  Kathie (2): We assume we've lost the business.
• 2:53
  Kathie (2): Notice what happened.
• 2:54
  Kathie (2): Nothing actually changed except the story And yet our emotional state changed immediately.
• 3:03
  Kathie (2): Why?
• 3:03
  Kathie (2): Because stories create meaning, and meaning creates emotion.
• 3:08
  Kathie (2): Emotion influences behavior, and behavior affects outcomes.
• 3:14
  Kathie (2): That's why awareness matters so much.
• 3:19
  Kathie (2): One of the core ideas I teach is this: You cannot change a pattern you cannot see, and many people never notice the moment the story begins.
• 3:29
  Kathie (2): They believe the story is reality.
• 3:32
  Kathie (2): But the observer notices something different.
• 3:35
  Kathie (2): The observer asks,"What do I actually know?
• 3:39
  Kathie (2): What am I assuming?
• 3:40
  Kathie (2): What story am I creating right now?" Those questions can change everything, not because they magically remove uncertainty, but because they create space, and space gives us options.
• 3:55
  Kathie (2): This shows up in leadership.
• 3:57
  Kathie (2): It shows up in relationships.
• 3:58
  Kathie (2): It shows up in parenting.
• 4:00
  Kathie (2): It shows up in business.
• 4:01
  Kathie (2): It shows up in performance.
• 4:04
  Kathie (2): In fact, I've been watching a documentary recently about professional golfers, and what fascinates me is not golf, it's pressure.
• 4:14
  Kathie (2): And one thing I've noticed is that when performance starts slipping, many athletes immediately create stories.
• 4:23
  Kathie (2): "Maybe I've lost it.
• 4:24
  Kathie (2): Maybe I'm not good enough.
• 4:25
  Kathie (2): Maybe I'll never get back to where I was." The pressure isn't just coming from the event.
• 4:30
  Kathie (2): It's coming from the meaning attached to the event, and honestly, we're all doing some version of that every day.
• 4:40
  Kathie (2): The story becomes heavier than the situation itself.
• 4:44
  Kathie (2): So here's the question I'd like you to consider this week: What story are you creating because you don't have all the information?
• 4:51
  Kathie (2): Not because you're wrong, not because you're broken, not because you're doing something bad, simply because you're human.
• 5:00
  Kathie (2): Awareness isn't about judging the story.
• 5:02
  Kathie (2): It's about noticing it because once you can see it, you have a choice, and that's where real change begins.
• 5:10
  Kathie (2): All right.
• 5:11
  Kathie (2): Thank you so much for spending time with me.
• 5:14
  Kathie (2): If you'd like to go deeper on this, I also write a companion blog post for every episode with additional insights and resources, and you'll find that link in the show notes and description below.
• 5:25
  Kathie (2): And I trust that you found today's episode helpful.
• 5:29
  Kathie (2): If you know someone who could benefit from this, please share it with them.
• 5:32
  Kathie (2): And until next time, keep observing the patterns.
• 5:37
  Kathie (2): I'll see you in the next episode of the Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast.