Latest / Motherhood Uncut / Defining “Good Mothering” with Kate | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 10

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Defining “Good Mothering” with Kate | Motherhood Uncut Podcast | Season 3 Episode 10 · Motherhood Uncut

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Motherhood Uncut Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, Deb Rubin and I, Kate Kripke, bring to you all those conversations that, you know, you might have with your best friend or your sister or someone that you're just needing to talk about the real stuff in motherhood with.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to bring to you conversations that are going to make you laugh.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: We love to laugh.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Probably make you cry and cry in the best of ways, move you, inspire you, help you feel seen and validated and less alone because from where Deb and I sit, none of us should mother alone.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Please pull up a chair, grab a cup of tea, coffee, a glass of wine, put in your earbuds, go for a walk.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are inspired by these conversations, both conversations that Deb and I have, just the two of us, and also really incredible interviews that we have with other experts and specialists in the field of mental health and maternal well-being and women's health.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you find these worthwhile, please share with a friend.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is we really want to make sure that those moms out there who need a community and who could be uplifted or supported in any way that they find us.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for being here.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot wait to mother with you.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, hey, listeners.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's that time where I'm getting ready to launch another boot camp.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you are a mom who knows that you have a little work to do in shifting your focus back towards yourselves and back towards really solid, practical, accessible self-care, then this bootcamp is for you.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is for a mom with newborns, all the way through adults, quite frankly, who are wanting to learn some practices for being healthy mentally, emotionally, psychologically in service of their kids.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So if you would like to join my upcoming bootcamp, we're launching in late August or early September.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: The date is TBD.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to go ahead and register through my website so that you can be on my list and I can send you all the info.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: That link is in the show notes, and I really hope I see you there.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, it's Kate, and I am here for a little mini episode for you today.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Deb's not here today.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um I'm just gonna be with you for a little bit, and it really felt like it was time for me to pop on here and share some really, really important thoughts I have around motherhood.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I'm happy to just be here with you today.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this is gonna be a little bit of a free thought process for me.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have anything written down, I don't have anything planned necessarily to say, but I'm gonna be pretty direct because I feel real strongly about some things when it comes to motherhood.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, as many of you know, I have been working in the field of maternal mental health for about 20 years.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I founded the Postpartum Wellness Center in Boulder, Colorado 15 years ago.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And in April, I passed the torch of the ownership and the directorship of that center on to new owners who are really uh committed and passionate about bringing excellent mental health care to mothers and parents throughout the state of Colorado.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: That clinic, by the way, that center has been changed to the Parent and Family Wellness Center and is continuing to do amazing, amazing, profoundly important work with mothers and families and children in the state of Colorado.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: What it allowed me to do when I sold that business was to take my passion from maternal mental health out of the clinic, out of the center, and into the larger virtual space so that I can work directly with you wherever you are.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that means that rather than running a team and seeing one-on-one psychotherapy clients in my office, I am able to bring thought leadership and um support and mentorship and coaching and counseling and consulting to moms anywhere.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my biggest passions, you guys, is in working real hard to help all of us on this planet change our definition of what it means to be a good mom.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, that term is really loaded.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know it is, it's really loaded.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I use that term throughout the next little bit with you, I want you to pick your quotes on it.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because there's like a million different ways to be a good mom.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not gonna keep saying that.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do want you to understand that when I use that term today, be a good mom, I'm really talking about feeling like a good mom.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we feel like good moms, we continue to move in the direction of being in service of our children.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: What leads us to feel like good moms is that we are able to be patient, right?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're able to hold our children's distress with them.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're able to be curious and creative, we're able to be non-judgmental, we're able to help problem solve with our kids, but not necessarily give advice, right?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're able to, all those things Deb and I talk about on this podcast.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we do those things, even just a little bit, we feel like good moms.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the wisest part of ourselves knows that we are providing our children what they need to thrive, to grow, to learn, to develop, to embrace healthy social skills and personal kind of sense of self and personal development.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the data backs that up.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: The research backs it up.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: The research backs up that when children from birth till whenever are involved in what's called secure attachments with their parents, and I'm gonna speak to you moms, with their mothers, they're more likely to have healthy relationships, to be healthy physically and suffer from less illness and disease, to have healthy thinking patterns, strong sense of self, healthy, rational perspective, right?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: We help them get there.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so again, when I use the term quote unquote good mom, I'm really talking about what it looks like and what is happening and what we're what we're feeling when we're showing up in a way that allows our children to thrive in that way.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Historically, we, the universal we women, right?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Men too, I suppose, but we somehow are taught that good mothering means that we're focusing all of our attention on our kids, right?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: That we are sacrificing ourselves in service of our children, right?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: That we are, I mean, I'm thinking about like what I went into my early mothering with, what beliefs I went with.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay, to be a good mom, I need to put my my daughter first.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: To be a good mom, I need to provide joyful, playful, happy, loving atmosphere for my baby all the time.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: To be a good mom, I need to make sure that I am taking her to classes and getting her the right toys and um, I don't know, playing her the right music.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, gosh, the things I thought about and worried about when my now 16-year-old was a baby.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was stressing myself out.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like being a good mom for me when I was when I was little.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say when my daughter was little, meant taking over all the night shifts.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: It meant breastfeeding to whatever in to just making that happen, no matter what, to sacrificing myself and to to make sure that meant was able to happen.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Being a good mom for me meant that I was gonna make all my own daughter's own baby food.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: It meant that I was, God forbid, not gonna give her formula.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Being a good mom meant that I was gonna, you know, carry my baby with me all the time, that I was gonna wear her, that I was gonna.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, honestly, when I think about it right now, you guys, my whole body stresses and tenses.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what happens universally when women have children.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Somehow we fall into that belief cycle, that pattern that says that being a good mom means that we have to do these things to perfection and extreme all the time, regardless of how that feels for us to be doing that.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you something, you guys, it's bullshit.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Twenty years of being a maternal mental health specialist and also being a mom myself of two kids has really shown me anecdotally, the data's behind there too, but anecdotally, it has shown me that when women show up for motherhood, sacrificing themselves and quote unquote giving whatever they can to their children, they suffer.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: They're more likely to develop symptoms of depression or anxiety, regardless of how mild to severe those symptoms are.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're more likely to walk around with a critical sense of self and negative self-talk, being judgmental of themselves.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know about you, actually, I do know about you because you're just as human as I do.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: But when we are depleted and lost and agitated and lonely and purposeless, we cannot show up well for our children.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is impossible.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's not because we're not good, it's because we don't have the resources to show up the way that we want to, full stop.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And we're wise.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we want to show up that way for our kids?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because we know that they need us to.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: So then what happens is we find ourselves in these cycles of guilt.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that guilt turns to shame.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes then those patterns turn to these repetitive, ongoing patterns of thoughts that lead to feelings that lead to actions that keep us stuck in this cycle of overwhelm and burnout and frustration and irritability and burden, quite frankly.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I've had so many moms that I've worked with over the years who have finally been able to say out loud, I feel burdened by motherhood.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then they feel so guilty about that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something: it's okay to feel like motherhood is a burden.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: What do we mean by that?
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: We mean it's a heavy load.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Of course it is.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if we are not resourced, we cannot carry that heavy load.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, you guys, that our children will feel that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: What our children need from us in order to have what we consider to be a secure attachment.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, just for time's sake, secure attachment means that we as parents are providing a secure place for our children to come and go mentally, physically, psychologically, that our kids can want to be right there with us and that they need us, but they can also instill difference.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: They can differentiate, they can, they can step away, they can decide that they don't like us in that moment, right?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's their job to come and go.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to provide a secure attachment, we need to be steady and secure enough in ourselves to tolerate that coming and going.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: That means that we're not taking it personally.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: That means that we're managing our own stress so that we can stay steady.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Certainly means that we set boundaries, but we do the boundary setting from a place of confidence and steadiness and connection.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Our children need that from us to grow into healthy adults.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: That secure base, that secure attachment is one of safety for our children.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Our job as parents, as mothers, is to provide a sense of safety for our children, to provide a sense of okayness, to let them know that they can be angry and okay at the same time, scared and okay at the same time, sad and disappointed and okay at the same time.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: They look to us for that reassurance.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And they feel it from us.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if if if us as mothers, if we are walking around, if you are walking around anxious, insecure in your sense of self, um, in a heightened nervous system state of fight, flight, or freeze, whether it's you know, significant or mild, if you're walking around with that energy, you are sending a message to your child that the world is not safe.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that child is gonna develop the same sense of lack of safety that you have.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, our mental health and well-being and our children's mental health and well-being are intimately connected, intimately connected.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just about what we say, right?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's about how we show up.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the energy that we bring into the room.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if I'm anxious, if I'm struggling with sort of a chronic sense of anxiety, unsettledness, that often comes from my feeling really disconnected to myself, right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm at war with myself inside, if I'm self-critical and self-judgmental, if I'm sort of a catastrophic thinking thinker, if I'm a what-if thinker, if I'm pretty regularly focusing on what I fear might happen in the future or the things I regret from the past, right?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: That energy is running through my system.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that energy is felt from my child.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And now my child walks around, not being able to trust me as a place of safety, a safe place for them to come home to.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that secure base, our child can leave and come back and leave and come back.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: We're not providing that sense of safety for our child.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: And our child is now going to walk through the world agitated, scared, impatient, right?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I often say in my office, when we're scared, we get scary.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that feeling of fear for the world itself, fear of ourselves, right?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: Fear of relationships, fear of the uncertain of the unknown, fear of uncertainty.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: All of that fear that we hold, when we're holding that, our behavior becomes agitated.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you you gotta begin to see how if your kiddo is acting out, if they're not listening, if they're crying a lot, if they are overly sensitive to something, you know, emotionally or psychologically, if they have a hard time with transitions, if they are having a hard time with behavior at school, that behavior is a reflection of feelings.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And they're likely feeling anxious.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the very brave and very, very painful and uncomfortable question that we have to be asking ourselves as mothers is what part am I playing in that?
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: What part am I playing in my child's anxiety, my child's poor behavior, right?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: My child's agitation.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you right now that if you are walking around with unsupported and untreated anxiety and depression, or a combination, you are negatively impacting your child.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's hard to hear, you guys, and I want you to see giant hearts coming out of my head, like like, welcome to the world of mothering.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: And this awareness, this reflection is imperative.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is so imperative that you're brave enough to begin to understand that.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is not an opportunity to shame and blame.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is actually an opportunity to get deeply empowered, to really begin to see where your power is, to see where you have influence in your child, so that you can turn that influence into what your child needs from you.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I am someone who struggled my entire life.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I am not kidding, with anxiety.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Some depression, not enough, but mostly anxiety.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: And for so much of my life, I walked around with this sense of agitation, this sense of I'm not enough, this sense of fear that people wouldn't like me or that I wouldn't do something right.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I brought that with me into motherhood.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: When my first daughter was born, who's now 16, I had very significant postpartum anxiety.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so significant.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And over the years, my daughter's now 16.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have done, I mean, I've taken I've done therapy, I've taken medicine.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: That has happened throughout my lifetime.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: But once I had a child, I did therapy, I took medicine when I needed it, but I began to realize really quickly that the awareness wasn't going to get me where I wanted to go.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was the first step.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Giving myself permission to feel what I was going to feel, because of course I was going to feel those things, to move my shame out of the way, to get me to a place where I could stay deeply, compassionately connected to myself while I became aware that I had anxiety that I was projecting onto my kiddo.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Once I learned how to sort of lean into that and understand where that came from, I had some work to do.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't just want to change.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't just know that I was in some ways negatively impacting my child.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: I had to do something about it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: I had to get out of my own way.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had to ask myself that question, that painful question.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: What part am I playing in my daughter's inability to sleep?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: What part am I playing in my child's distress?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Which part am I playing in this sort of dynamic that I have where I'm trying to breastfeed my baby and she's fighting me at the breast, and this is going on for hours and hours and hours.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: What part am I playing in that?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's this is not how am I to blame?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is what part am I playing?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment I begin to ask that question and get really clear, I could start to do some different things.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where the hard work begins.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: It begins here.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: When we can recognize the thinking that's leading to our feelings, that's leading to our actions, that are keeping us stuck in a cycle, we can begin to change that thinking.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not easy because we are so married to our beliefs.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: We are addicted to the hormones that our brain releases when we have a belief about something.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: We can constantly feel like if we let go of those thoughts and beliefs that we've had for forever, that something bad will be happening because we're protecting ourselves from that bad thing happening by having that belief and protecting ourselves.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: But this is a cycle.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's a cycle that keeps both you and your kiddo in a place of lack of health.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: My life changed, you guys, when I established a regular mindfulness meditation practice, when I really learned how to connect deeply with myself, all of my parts, with a place of from a place of deep compassion.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I went when I began to actually do the baby steps around thinking and changing beliefs and taking action that will reinforce the thinking and the feelings and the actions that will reinforce the thinking and the feelings and the actions.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Until I started to do that, or I should say, when I started to do that, my life changed.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell you that people who know me, it just happened last weekend with lovely, amazing Deb's husband Howie, who you've all met in a prior episode, and Howie said to me, You are so different than when we first met you.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: That the change in my being, my ability to stay steady in times of chaos, my open mindedness, my lack of judgment, or let me say that differently, my ability to catch myself when I'm judging myself or others and to shift that, right?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: My willingness to feel the hard stuff and to know how to help those hard feelings move to more pleasurable feelings.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: The way I've created relationships with my daughters and watching them thrive as I thrive.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, this is no joke.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: The work works, but you have to do the work.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's no longer okay if you recognize that you're struggling in some way with anxiety or depression or at war with yourself or negative criticism or negative self-talk.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's no longer okay for you to not do something about it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's gonna take time.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's gonna take money and resources.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's gonna take commitment and hard work and doing things even when you make mistakes, keeping on going, making mistakes and getting back up.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: It is going to take all of that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't manage those things, if you don't take care of your own mental health, you're doing your child children a major, major disservice.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't stress that enough.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: To you, to me, to Deb, to my children, if and when they become mothers, it's like no longer okay to deny these facts because the future of our planet needs healthy children to grow into healthy adults, right?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: So not only do you do this hard work to help you feel better, because life is so much more enjoyable when you feel well, but you do it so that your children can be well.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so that they can parent, mother, or parent their children in ways that help their children, your grandchildren, do well.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that leads to a planet, a community of humans where people are mentally well.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you guys, we need that so badly right now.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, motherhood is a burden.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's a heavy lift, it's a heavy lift.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: And those of us who are mothers, we have a job to do.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Our job is to raise healthy children so that they can become healthy adults.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the way we do that is around getting ourselves healthy.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: We can't do that if we're not healthy.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's my rant for the day.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: I literally can't tell you how important this is that we change this narrative.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can start small, you guys.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: If if you have a therapist right now, keep going to your therapist.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you're if you're still talking about the same things in therapy, consider finding someone to work with who's gonna help you move the needle, who's gonna actually probably give you a little tough love and say, girl, it is time.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is time for you to start doing the things that you say you're wanting to do, right?
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't yet have a mindfulness practice, start with taking three deep breaths every morning.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're at war with yourself one way or another, and you know that you're someone who has a lot of self-judgment and self-criticism, try putting your hand on your heart and closing your eyes and taking one deep breath inside and out, where your hand is on your own heart.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're someone who's distracted a lot and you're worried about what has happened in the past, or you're constantly working about what will happen, worrying about what will happen in the future, feel your feet on the floor.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Come back to this moment and say to yourself, in this moment, I am okay.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: And rather than focusing your attention on what your kid needs to be okay, when when she's crying at night and won't go to sleep, or when when he's having a tantrum in the grocery store, or when she's struggling with friends at school, or when he's misbehaving, rather than thinking about what does my kid needs, I want you to feel what you're feeling in your body, to notice your own stress and anxiety, and to ask yourself, what do I need?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to be able to both feel what I'm feeling?
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because of course you're gonna be annoyed or frustrated or disappointed or scared or whatever the thing is.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you are, because you're a human being and that's appropriate.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: But you're gonna ask yourself, what do I need in this moment to be able to feel these feelings and trust that I'm okay at the same time?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that the feelings don't overwhelm me and so that the feelings don't direct my next action, so that my action can come from a place of steadiness.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when we mother that way, dang, do we feel like good moms?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know why we feel good moms?
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because we watch our kids do well.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: We watch their emotions subside, we watch their friendships improve, we watch their grades get better, we watch their smile on their face turn up.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: We watch their distress around whatever it is that they have a common sensitivity to.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: We see that, we see them tolerate their own distress because we have taught them how.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love you all.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: Deb and I love you all.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And again, this entire spiel today has come with giant hearts coming out of my head.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want to hear your thoughts on this.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: I would love you to send us a message, a voice message, or a DM or an email.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let us know what you think about this.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let us know anything you need for us to help you get to this place where you're really taking personal responsibility for your emotional, mental, psychological health and well-being on behalf of your children.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, if it's either or, do I focus on myself or my child, it's a zero-sum game.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: No one wins, right?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta get out of that zero-sum game mindset.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's both and when I take care of my own mental and emotional well-being, my I show up for my children in a way where they get what they need.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: We gotta turn this around, you guys, like now, like yesterday.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you are a part of turning that around.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And Deb and I, we are here to support you.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: We cannot thank you enough for listening to our podcast.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: We can't thank you enough for the reviews you leave.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: We hope that you keep coming back.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Please subscribe, please share, because we're sort of all in this together.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, right?
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a it's like a an army of mothers who are supporting all the other mothers who are struggling with all the same stuff we do.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we win, when we all win, all of our children win.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you think.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I should have some other parting words as I pop off here.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um I don't know.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being in this motherhood journey with me.
• 28:55
  unknown: Bye.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hey listeners, we sure hope you enjoyed that episode.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if you did, we would really love for you to share this with a friend.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the deal: we're all in this together.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And as a community of moms, we need to make sure that no one is left alone.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you can help us with that.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Please share this episode or other episodes that you found useful for you.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Please consider writing a review and rating this podcast because when you do, it actually makes it more accessible to other moms who might be looking for podcasts that they would also find useful.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: So we are so grateful you're here.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you were interested in just taking a minute or two to share and rate and review, Deb and I would be so grateful.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for mothering with us.