Latest / The Hauraki Big Show / OUTRO BITS: Spicing It Up

Transcript

OUTRO BITS: Spicing It Up · The Hauraki Big Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: For all your mad bastards Loving the Big Show.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Podcast, Get Up Even Closer on Instagram, YouTube, and tickt
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: off for raw Dogget for to seven every weekday on radio.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: He Recka.
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: My wife is shocking. She's so not into it. So
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: I just hastle her about it all the time, about
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: going to church. She's like, no, she doesn't even joke
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: around with me about it because she just is so
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: not into it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: We hate because she's a Satanist.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: She's pro Satanay, yeah, my wife is pro Satan.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Does she didn't clip that off? PUGSA?
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Does she still do that thing where she like draws
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: a star on the ground and a circle around it
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: and it puts like candles?
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: What is that called again?
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Like it's not a seance?
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Is it a seance? Yeah?
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Does she still do those seances?
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: Conjuring satan?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Used to those? Oh no, I never makes you.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I never dabbled in that shiitake magic.
• 1:10
  Speaker 5: I was just going to say, you're the kind of
• 1:12
  Speaker 5: person that would have the thing that's like, you know,
• 1:14
  Speaker 5: it's bullshit but tempting fake? What if it's not. We
• 1:19
  Speaker 5: used to do them all the time when we were kids. Yes,
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: and pretty freaky. Sure, but of course someone was always
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: pushing the class around.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: And you're always primed anyway mentally and emotionally for any
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: kind of thing to happen because you're on edge.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Know, I mean I I used to go to church
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: five times a week because that school and stuffs and
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: that sort of drummed it out of me.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: Our grandmother she was big on as you know, back
• 1:48
  Speaker 5: in the day, that sort of generation everybody was, so
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: we used to have to go. And then she got
• 1:51
  Speaker 5: to a point in her life where she was like,
• 1:53
  Speaker 5: this is bullshit, which is great because it meant that
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: now we didn't you didn't.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I still remember it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: At school, primary school, there was this really cool thing
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: that all the other kids got to do, but a
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: few of us kids didn't, And it was called cool
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: bananas and they got to go into the big assembly
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: hall and run around and play games and do all
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: this fun stuff. And I never knew why I wasn't
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: allowed to do it until I talked to my mom
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: about it, and she was like, oh, that was like
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: a church thing.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: They were trying to recruit everyone.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she was like, you're not, so, I said, you
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: weren't doing it because they call it cool bananas do
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: all the fun stuff. Yeah, and I had it's two flips,
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: and I quickly read this little verse from the Bible
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: and let's go.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And so I was allowed to do it pretty good.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: I remember you telling me that story, Keasy, of when
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: you were like seven and your mom took you to
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: a church and you were walking in the church and
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: your skin started burning.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Because you've been pulling your pud so much. Yeah it's seven.
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, manly Man started like smoking.
• 2:49
  Speaker 6: The Whole Archy Big Show weekdays from four on Radio Hodarchy.
• 2:54
  Speaker 6: The Whole Archy Big Show was Jason, Mike and Kezy
• 2:57
  Speaker 6: tune in weekdays and four on radio.
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: Can I talk you through my comedy night last night?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, so it was your comedy night. No, I
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: wasn't doing it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Maniah and his partner who lived down the road from
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: us out West Auckland. She was like, do you guys wanna
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: come to this comedy night. There's a bar out there,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: quite nice bars like yeah, sweet thirty bucks each bought
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: the tickets last week locking it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I know how many people on the card, six, one of.
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: Them being the MC.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: One of them also being Tony Lyle, who works here
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: in the acc and Game and two Halves and is
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: a very funny comic.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: So we're excited to go and support Tony.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Was that why you went? You excited? Were you? Yeah?
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Well we didn't go just we just went because it's
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: a local comedy. Yeah, mid week, it's like doing a
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: quiz or something, you know. So my wife and I
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: are late because the traffic is fucked on the Western
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: because it was raining. Shocking starts at seven. We get
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: there quarter past seven and I'm like, God, here we go.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Have to walk in through a packed house late and
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I'm probably gonna get roasted by a comic. Walk in
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, we've always got the wrong place
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: because it is half empty, and no one's speaking, there's
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: no comic anywhere, nothing's happening.
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: It's like a half infty restaurant. Turns out that it
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: is happening.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: They're having microphone issues and lighting issues, and they sold
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: so few tickets that they decided to keep the restaurant
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: open and just everyone that bought a ticket then got
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: a free meal to sort of pay it back. However,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: they didn't shut down the restaurant so while the comic
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: was speaking, you can picture a big open room.
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: All that's in the middle is a row of plants.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: On the right side as a full blown dinner service
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: happening with kids, you know, like people having Yeah, the
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: dream on the left side is everyone that's paid to
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: see this comedy gig, and the comic is in the.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: Middle in a dark area with a.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Bright TV behind them, so you couldn't see where they
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: were looking like it was like a silhouette and they'd
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: be like, hey, what do you do for a cradl
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: like looking at someone and you couldn't tell who they
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: were looking at.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: It was that bad.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: The microphone was cutting out and the dinner service was
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: so loud that the guy I'm seeing was like, this
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: is one of the worst. It was Irish or something
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: or Scottish. He was Scottish. It was one of the
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: worst gigs I think I've ever done because it's just
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: and then like he kept to me halfway through young
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: and has.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Maybe yeah, and he was he.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Was a funny day as well.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And he he literally would go halfway through a
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: joke and have to stop because the kids knocked over
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: the giant ginger tower. It was, and we were just
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: sitting there like, fuck, this is terrible. Whoever the bar
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: manager is needs to like tell those people to move
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: to the outdoor area, which is all set up. No
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: one's out there with heaters. It's like, you're not here
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: for this. GHO, sit out there. Give him a new
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: microphone that works because it kept cutting out.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: It must have been killing your Keysy known that you
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: could have helped. Oh man, you could have fixed it.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Knowing that, to be honest, ed and I was there,
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: who's the opposite of me?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: And he doesn't give a ship.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: He wanted to go up there and help somehow.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: It's like I don't know where the unplug it, blow
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: on the cord and then plug it back and just
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: try anything. So we get there late and it hasn't
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: started yet because of all the issues, right, so that's good.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: We sit down probably I reckon. There's nine people in
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: the crowd that are there to watch the comedy night, yes,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: six of which being on our table. There's these guys,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: he's Westy old boys, probably in their sixties, who have
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: been on the pace for like four hours.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: I reckon, right in the middle of everything.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: And they are having loud yarns in the middle of
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: the restaurant and do not give a fuck and like
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: if hen wants to hit them up. They all had
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: like mohawks and like dead and vests on and shit,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: so they were proper like bogans, so no.
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: One could do anything about that. They left after an hour, fortunately,
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: and then.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Lana Walters was the first person on Who's a great comic.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: We very experienced. Her microphone just wouldn't work, couldn't see her.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: It was absolute fucking shambles. Tony Lyle was an hour
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: and twenty minutes late, and I love Tony, but it's
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: classic Tony Lyle.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: And that Alan dude was freaking out. Who was just like,
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: where the fuck is Tony Lyle?
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: And then and then all the comics said relatively where
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: they managed to sort some stuff out finally, and I
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: put his hand up and said, can you turn the
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: screen off behind you so we can actually see you
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: because we had had a few beers by then and
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: we felt like we could actually say something.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Sure, so it turned off.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Was oh, so you can actually see us now. I
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: was like, yeah, So we just did an hour of
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: comedy and no one could see us. It's like, yeah,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: and couldn't really hear you either.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: That was cool.
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: And then this Tony comes on. He does really well.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: He's a bit flustered because he's a bit late, but
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: he probably did the best out of everyone. The last
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: guy right, the closer, fifty five years old.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I reckon.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: He said he's been doing comedy for thirty five years.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: I hadn't heard of him, and I was like, hey,
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: that's probably a bad sign. Right, thirty five years in
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: the game.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: He's been doing it for thirty five years, that's right.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: It's a strange thing to point out.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: It is, yeah, and it's like I haven't heard it.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: So instantly I'm like, oh god, why why haven't we
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: heard of you? Why haven't we seen you around?
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: English?
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: Was he Kiwi?
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: They was west Auckland. He made it known.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: He did an entire set about how back in the
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: day you could do stuff that you can't do now,
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: which is the most like cliche thing, but like people
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: were laughing. One of the things he talked about was
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: like how he had to go at people with ADHD autism.
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: He did a Japanese accent for a large part of it.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: He did a bit about.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: I would love that the moveless guy gets it.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're laughing, right.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: So people there were people there, they were loving it.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: We were laughing because of the situation. We were like, fuck,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: is this actually happening. And then the closer for him
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: was he did a bit about and find you'll probably
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: find this funny. But when he's so old that his
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: nuts are going to hang so low, he'll be at
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: the retirement home pretending he's got dementia and just walking
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: around with his pants nuts out, and they'll be like, poor,
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: blah blah, he's got dementia.
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: He's like, nah, I don't. I just want my nuts
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: out and I don't care anymore.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: And also he's going to practice, because are so sagg
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: He's going to practice.
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: Using them like poise, and then started.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Pretending to sing the poor Year song, like at the
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: full start of that song.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: What allegit?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: How many how many scro he must have two scruts
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: like you ja? Yeah? Yeah, it was fucking like cross.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: It was one of those nights where I just go
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I went, thank God, I do not have to pursue
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: comedy through that route of like, yes, gigs like that.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: We have this conversation probably every six months where we go.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: We need to expand our cooking range here because we
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: tend to go for your safeties, you know what I mean?
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Do you have we do stop standard which will have
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: the missionary meals?
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, with the pajama pants on and the fly
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: open and the lights off.
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: That's right in the mission And then you have to
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: put yourself into the dog.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, with your pants off.
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: Is this still squid chat?
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: What do we very raally cooked squid at home? I
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: would love to see you cook a squid.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: I used to cook a bit of squid in the day.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: God, it was good, yeah, man, squid days.
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah. What about in your boudoir? Do you feel like
• 9:34
  Speaker 5: you got a spice out up?
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: No, we're pretty good. Yeah.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: But it's that thing of it's not just you in
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: terms of you know, my wife's aging as well.
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: You know you're saying really fast.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: But you know on both sides, and so you've got it,
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: You've got in some ways a double whammy.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: But you fall into a kind.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Of relaxed state about it. You know what it was
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: like when you were young, Buck and you were just
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: frouffing all the time.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: It's not like that anymore.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: It's not like that, and it's like, oh, yeah, we
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: can do it now. That'll be cool, right, that sounds
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: and I give the old slug a slap and it sort.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Of old car.
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Are you going to like the little hands there pull
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: the choke and then.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Leave it up?
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then eventually ship she's up, ready to go, quick, quick,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: damn it.