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Why Is Everyone So Lonely? Friendship, Faith, and the 2 AM Friend Test · The Christian Podcast Community

• 0:00
  It is.
• 0:00
  What's.
• 0:00
  Going on everybody?
• 0:01
  Hi everyone.
• 0:03
  I'm Derek.
• 0:06
  I'm Matt.
• 0:06
  And I'm Dave.
• 0:11
  We're here.
• 0:12
  We are here.
• 0:12
  Again,.
• 0:13
  Every one of us.
• 0:14
  And it's, it is no longer October.
• 0:17
  I mean it is while we're recording this, but when you guys are listening to this, it's no longer.
• 0:20
  October.
• 0:21
  It'll be November 2nd,.
• 0:23
  A few weeks away from Thanksgiving.
• 0:25
  We've already killed 2026.
• 0:27
  Oi.
• 0:28
  I tell you what, I look forward to that nap so much.
• 0:30
  It's like.
• 0:31
  Every year.
• 0:33
  Actually I won't even get to do it because we're hosting.
• 0:36
  I think, I think we're gonna do something at my house this year.
• 0:39
  And the thing is when you, I, if you go somewhere you host, you don't get really get to fall asleep.
• 0:46
  But you know, when I was growing up and we skin my grandparents house,.
• 0:50
  I plan to nap this year.
• 0:52
  I would love a great nap but usually I'll have to do it the next day.
• 0:56
  I have to like get some leftover turkey, put on a sandwich with some mayo and nap.
• 1:01
  There you go.
• 1:02
  Actually I'd.
• 1:03
  Be curious.
• 1:04
  To.
• 1:04
  Have these guys put something in the comment.
• 1:05
  Dude, you like to nap before.
• 1:07
  Do you have nap afterwards?
• 1:08
  Do you like.
• 1:09
  Some people say they like take a nap and then they get up and eat.
• 1:11
  I like the turkey nap.
• 1:12
  That's weird,.
• 1:13
  Right?
• 1:13
  I know.
• 1:14
  I don't know.
• 1:14
  I like the.
• 1:15
  Turkey napping before.
• 1:16
  It's weird.
• 1:17
  You know, a little turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy.
• 1:21
  Nap time.
• 1:21
  Yep,.
• 1:21
  It's wonderful.
• 1:24
  The only reason you eat pies to keep you awake to play games.
• 1:26
  I.
• 1:26
  Had a friend of mine who says what I do is I strategically wait to nap till like 6 o' clock because then I'll just go right into sleep and then just sleep through the night.
• 1:34
  I've got too many kids.
• 1:35
  So you just go to bed at 6.
• 1:38
  Too many, too many teenagers.
• 1:39
  That's what I have.
• 1:40
  I have too many teenagers for that because every time I've tried to go to sleep or my wife, I've tried to go to sleep early.
• 1:46
  Inevitably what happens is, is they get noisy.
• 1:50
  And.
• 1:50
  They wake us back up.
• 1:53
  They just don't care about the surroundings, do they?
• 1:55
  All my fellow parents that have had that pain, right?
• 2:00
  Yep.
• 2:00
  Solidarity.
• 2:01
  Luckily only have one, one teenager but if she ever has her friends over, it's like just so you know, we're going to bed, your brother's right there, like so if you start giggling, you know, wake him up because
• 2:10
  we have like those pass through Events.
• 2:12
  Right.
• 2:12
  So all the sound just echoes.
• 2:14
  And she always says, yeah, okay,.
• 2:15
  I never realized.
• 2:16
  And then it's 1 o' clock in the morning and I'm hearing giggling and I'm like, I thought, I thought we grounded.
• 2:20
  The giggling.
• 2:21
  Grounded.
• 2:21
  That's the fix, man.
• 2:22
  You are grounded.
• 2:23
  I want your phone.
• 2:24
  I never realized how loud ice can be.
• 2:26
  Like, my kid will get up, It'll be like 12, 15 in the morning, and he'll get up and be like, I think I want ice in my glass.
• 2:33
  Click, clack, clack, clack, click.
• 2:35
  It's the loudest ice I've ever heard.
• 2:37
  So somehow he's made ice loud.
• 2:39
  And my kids don't have the fear in them, I guess, that I had growing up because, like, apparently they don't know how to quietly shut doors.
• 2:46
  You are not joking.
• 2:48
  You know, I used to be able to shut a door as if I never opened the door.
• 2:51
  Yeah, it's.
• 2:52
  You turn the handle and you hold it and then you release.
• 2:55
  Right?
• 2:55
  That's the, that's the courteous thing to do.
• 2:57
  My kids are just like, click, boom, click boom.
• 2:59
  I'm like, what is going on with these doors?
• 3:01
  Yeah.
• 3:01
  Or when you do the.
• 3:02
  Even, like, if I'm.
• 3:03
  If.
• 3:03
  Even if I'm.
• 3:05
  Everybody's awake, there's still something inside of me that goes, you should quietly close the door.
• 3:08
  Right.
• 3:09
  Like, I don't like to just pull it closer.
• 3:11
  There's that click clunk, like when you close it.
• 3:14
  Yeah,.
• 3:17
  Sure.
• 3:19
  I don't get it, man.
• 3:20
  I don't have that problem.
• 3:22
  We just need to make high tech houses that have like the, the.
• 3:25
  The Star Trek doors.
• 3:26
  Just like when you walk up and they just open.
• 3:29
  Somehow.
• 3:29
  That would be louder at night.
• 3:31
  I swear.
• 3:32
  I don't know.
• 3:33
  Everything that my kids do at night somehow is amplified.
• 3:35
  I mean, maybe it's the open floor pan in the middle, like the living room area.
• 3:39
  But like, seriously, why is it that loud?
• 3:43
  Yep.
• 3:44
  I don't know.
• 3:45
  I can't tell you how many times I will text my daughter at like midnight and I'll say, are you remodeling the kitchen right now?
• 3:50
  And then I'll come out and she'll be like, I'm just.
• 3:52
  I'm closing doors.
• 3:53
  Like, like it sounds like you're literally destroying the kitchen.
• 3:57
  Yeah,.
• 3:59
  Sure.
• 3:59
  Yeah.
• 4:00
  So what are we talking today?
• 4:01
  Oh, I know.
• 4:02
  Yeah.
• 4:02
  You guys picked the topic today.
• 4:03
  I did.
• 4:04
  We are completely off topic.
• 4:05
  But that was fun.
• 4:06
  How are we off topic if we haven't announced the topic?
• 4:08
  That's right.
• 4:09
  Because we Got.
• 4:10
  To the topic.
• 4:11
  So anyway, it's.
• 4:12
  Like the pre.
• 4:12
  Sleeping.
• 4:13
  There you go.
• 4:13
  I.
• 4:13
  Had an idea today to talk about a topic that I saw in a article that I read on church.
• 4:22
  Christian Today.
• 4:23
  Christian Today.
• 4:23
  You can go Christian today dot com.
• 4:25
  You can see the article.
• 4:27
  And the article's title caught my attention.
• 4:29
  It said, churches urged to tackle loneliness by making friendship a priority.
• 4:35
  And I was like, all right, click.
• 4:37
  I'm gonna get into that.
• 4:39
  And I read through it and I thought it was interesting, so I figured it'll be a good thing to talk about.
• 4:44
  We'll talk about loneliness today.
• 4:46
  Loneliness.
• 4:47
  Loneliness.
• 4:48
  It's.
• 4:48
  Interesting how we circle around the fact that they had to write an article that says you should make friendship a priority.
• 4:53
  I mean.
• 4:55
  Yeah, well, I mean, it's.
• 4:56
  It definitely caught my attention and I thought, you know, know, there were some really interesting points that they made.
• 5:03
  So, I mean.
• 5:04
  And the writer was Anita.
• 5:08
  Larrea.
• 5:09
  Larrea.
• 5:09
  I think it's Larreya.
• 5:10
  Shout out to Anita Larrea.
• 5:12
  Yeah, good job on put together of your article.
• 5:15
  So.
• 5:15
  On the put together.
• 5:16
  Yeah.
• 5:19
  So that's what we're going to talk about.
• 5:20
  We're going to talk about loneliness.
• 5:22
  Okay.
• 5:23
  Sounds good.
• 5:24
  Yeah,.
• 5:25
  Yeah,.
• 5:25
  Yep.
• 5:26
  And we're gonna get Derek in on the rest of this podcast, too.
• 5:29
  At some point.
• 5:30
  He's just been quiet.
• 5:30
  At.
• 5:31
  Some point, I'll.
• 5:31
  Talk.
• 5:33
  Does it feel lonely yet?
• 5:35
  I think.
• 5:35
  You're.
• 5:35
  Feeling lonely.
• 5:37
  A little bit.
• 5:39
  Yeah.
• 5:40
  But, you know,.
• 5:40
  I feel like they.
• 5:42
  Say.
• 5:42
  They say leadership is lonely, so, you know,.
• 5:44
  That's very true.
• 5:44
  Oh, look at what.
• 5:47
  That's a whole other podcast right there.
• 5:50
  That's two or three.
• 5:51
  Yeah.
• 5:52
  Yeah.
• 5:53
  So, yeah, we'll talk about some loneliness today.
• 5:56
  Yeah.
• 5:57
  And maybe some remedies.
• 5:58
  There, there.
• 5:59
  Yeah, we're gonna talk about this.
• 6:03
  Don't be lonely.
• 6:05
  Welcome to the Truth Response.
• 6:28
  In the noise, in the fire, we seek the truth.
• 6:33
  We climb higher.
• 6:34
  Not just echoes, not just talk.
• 6:37
  We walk the path, we walk the wall.
• 6:43
  Truth in the battle, light in the law.
• 6:49
  What we seek clarity and chaos.
• 6:59
  We should pray.
• 7:01
  I shall do it.
• 7:02
  Okay.
• 7:02
  All right.
• 7:03
  Thank you, Lord, for this day.
• 7:05
  Thank you for what you've given us.
• 7:07
  God, I pray that you guide this conversation and you meet people where they are, especially.
• 7:12
  Especially those in this lonely spot, God.
• 7:14
  And I just pray that you give them the patience to hunt for friendship, to be able to find friendship in you, but also the desire to get up and take the first step.
• 7:28
  That's oftentimes the hardest.
• 7:31
  I pray that the friendships that they find are good and rooted in you, Lord.
• 7:36
  And I just pray that you can just bring us all together, and it's in your precious holy name.
• 7:41
  Amen.
• 7:42
  Amen.
• 7:43
  Amen.
• 7:44
  So, yeah, so I found this today, like I said on Christian Today.
• 7:49
  It was posted yesterday.
• 7:50
  Well, so that would have been the 26th, the October 26th.
• 7:54
  And so, yeah, church is urged to make friendship a priority.
• 8:00
  What some of the things that they said in this I article is that we're facing a loneliness crisis and a friendship recession.
• 8:10
  And I was like, wow.
• 8:12
  Like, that's.
• 8:14
  That's an interesting thought process.
• 8:15
  But you know what?
• 8:16
  I think it's reasonable.
• 8:17
  I think some of us have.
• 8:20
  If.
• 8:20
  Whether we're willing to admit it or not, I think we felt this especially right at the turn of the decade.
• 8:26
  Right.
• 8:26
  Or, you know, 20.
• 8:27
  20 was a year where we were purposefully separated some areas for longer and in worse ways.
• 8:35
  I was in one of them areas.
• 8:37
  And.
• 8:39
  And so the isolation became real, and we.
• 8:41
  We were almost afraid to be around each other.
• 8:44
  Are told to be afraid to be around each other.
• 8:47
  Of course, like I said, some areas it was easier, but, you know, it planted seeds in people's heads that you.
• 8:53
  Even more mistrust, even more caution, even more separation.
• 8:58
  And I think since then, you know, I think since then, we haven't fully recovered from that.
• 9:05
  I think that once those seeds are planted within us, it's hard to kind of shake them out.
• 9:09
  What do you guys think?
• 9:11
  To a degree, it's learned behavior.
• 9:13
  I mean, look at the Israelites coming out of, you know, Egypt that God had to basically shake all of this stuff that they had been.
• 9:20
  Had indoctrinated into them.
• 9:22
  Yeah, you.
• 9:22
  Know, it's like, so to a degree, we spent a year and a half.
• 9:25
  So depending on what state you live in, I know some states who've spent three years, like, dealing with all this Covid stuff.
• 9:32
  So they were saying that this.
• 9:34
  This next generation, Generation Alpha is the first generation.
• 9:37
  You told me that generation Alphas me the first generation that is not smarter than the one before them.
• 9:41
  And a lot of people say that, especially during COVID It's like the scoring of tests and everything just kind of went out the window.
• 9:47
  People just gave an automatic pass, fine, move on to the next grade.
• 9:50
  And, you know, it's a scary, scary time for sure.
• 9:53
  Yeah, I'm dealing with that a lot right now.
• 9:55
  I've got what few students I have left.
• 9:59
  Are.
• 10:00
  All of them were in, like, third grade, second or third grade when Covid happened.
• 10:07
  And the reading comprehension is rough.
• 10:10
  Yeah.
• 10:10
  You know, their math skills are rough, and it's like all that isolation, jacked with everything with them, and now I think that being alone, the social media took off a little further and that's all they know.
• 10:32
  Mm.
• 10:33
  Yeah.
• 10:34
  Like, they'll watch our Rebecca videos and they'll start to pay attention, and then they'll catch something that's meme worthy to them and they'll be lost and they won't be paying any attention at all.
• 10:46
  Yeah.
• 10:47
  And.
• 10:49
  It's.
• 10:49
  Like, it's really rough, but a lot of that's just because that's what has been programmed into them.
• 10:59
  Well, they said in the article that the things identifying or the things they identified as some of the big things to create.
• 11:08
  This is busyness.
• 11:10
  This, especially in adults, busyness.
• 11:12
  And busyness is one of the ones that we all fall victim to all the time.
• 11:14
  I mean, how many times you're like, oh, man, I meant to talk to that guy.
• 11:17
  I've just been so busy, you know, and then we allow it because we talk to each other and we're like, oh, yeah.
• 11:22
  Oh, dude, you know, I know what it's like to get busy.
• 11:25
  It's fine.
• 11:25
  You know, it's fine that you're busy and I'm busy and we're not making time for each other.
• 11:28
  We're fine.
• 11:30
  So busyness, frequent moves because people are moving around more.
• 11:33
  That's true.
• 11:34
  Fear of rejection, which I get it.
• 11:37
  And that's actually, as you were kind of pointing with social media, that's actually become a growing thing.
• 11:42
  And declining trust.
• 11:45
  Declining trust as the four major barriers that make it hard for adults to form close relationships.
• 11:51
  And the trust thing, man, I definitely saw that a lot during the pandemic.
• 11:56
  Not only because of the.
• 11:59
  The pandemic itself, but the political climate in this country was so toxic.
• 12:05
  It hasn't really gotten that much better, but it was so toxic at the time that people were just writing each other off left and right for the craziest points of view that I've ever seen.
• 12:16
  And all you had to do is just flirt with the idea that you supported a certain candidate.
• 12:20
  And some people would just end their friendships right there.
• 12:23
  People were basically told, you can't.
• 12:25
  If they.
• 12:25
  If they're behind that person, you can't trust them.
• 12:27
  If they don't wear a mask, you can't trust them if they're not doing this or that or saying this or that or believing or whatever it is.
• 12:34
  And, man, the.
• 12:37
  It's hard enough to trust people sometimes, but when you're Told all these extra reasons why not to trust people.
• 12:42
  Sure.
• 12:42
  Right.
• 12:43
  Well, why do we think it's.
• 12:44
  Why is it so bloody hard to actually trust somebody?
• 12:48
  I know there's some people out there.
• 12:49
  Like, I was.
• 12:50
  I've heard trust is currency.
• 12:51
  Right.
• 12:52
  It takes you a long time to build up a fat bank account of trust.
• 12:55
  And then depending on your relationship with somebody, is when I'm able to spend some of that currency.
• 12:59
  Like, hey, now that we're good, I'm going to bring this correction to you because I'm spending some of this trust currency.
• 13:04
  But.
• 13:05
  But you can also make the mistake, and you can literally have your entire bank account of.
• 13:09
  Of trust currency blown immediately by making one bad call.
• 13:12
  That's wild.
• 13:13
  I've taught that almost.
• 13:15
  I've taught that to my kids.
• 13:16
  Like, kind of like that.
• 13:17
  Like, hey, you know, it is.
• 13:19
  I.
• 13:19
  I've said it's like, it's like building up a bank account.
• 13:21
  And so if something happens, you know, you.
• 13:23
  You have a little bit to.
• 13:24
  To lean on, you know, can help take care of things.
• 13:26
  But yeah, it only takes one big thing and you have no bank account again.
• 13:31
  Yeah.
• 13:31
  Like no credit.
• 13:32
  You've got nothing.
• 13:33
  And so.
• 13:34
  And.
• 13:34
  It takes you forever to build it back up.
• 13:36
  It can.
• 13:36
  It's like having a bankruptcy and you have to, you know, it's hanging over your head for seven years.
• 13:41
  Right.
• 13:41
  Oh, he's the guy who did this particular thing.
• 13:44
  Like, I wish you guys would let that go.
• 13:46
  Well, that's how humans act.
• 13:47
  But is that how we're supposed to act?
• 13:49
  Because, like, I get.
• 13:52
  I get the fact that you're.
• 13:53
  You guys are talking about it, like, from the person who is being trusted side.
• 14:01
  But the person who's doing the trusting needs to not be so quick to empty that bank account.
• 14:08
  Sure.
• 14:08
  Of that other person.
• 14:10
  I think that that's how we should be living is that, you know, I give you grace and I give you mercy, and I don't put my walls up immediately.
• 14:20
  And, you know, I mean, we're gonna hurt each other.
• 14:25
  It just is a.
• 14:26
  It's a part of life.
• 14:27
  I mean, each and every one of you have hurt your kid at one point in time, and you love them.
• 14:32
  Right?
• 14:34
  So I just think that we need to be a little bit slower to be so aggressive at things, and we need to be slower to become bitter because that's a really easy way to make yourself lonely is to
• 14:52
  shut everyone else out because of what they did to me.
• 14:57
  Is the victim mentality.
• 14:58
  We tied it back to that.
• 14:59
  Yeah.
• 15:00
  Well, I Mean, I think that's, that's, that's.
• 15:01
  Some degree.
• 15:02
  That's where the destruct we.
• 15:03
  Part of what we were taught is, you know, you got to cross these people off.
• 15:06
  You know, you don't give them any more chances.
• 15:09
  And it's wild.
• 15:09
  You're right.
• 15:10
  I think that's one of the biggest things that we need to put into place when it comes to.
• 15:15
  If you're looking to make friendships or relationships in general is grace.
• 15:18
  You know, your neighbors down the street that you don't want to meet, give them a little grace.
• 15:21
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  It might seem a little weird.
• 15:22
  You might have smell what they're cooking.
• 15:24
  You're like, what are they cooking?
• 15:25
  But you know what?
• 15:26
  Give them a little grace.
• 15:27
  It might be delicious.
• 15:28
  Yep.
• 15:29
  And they might not be as weird.
• 15:30
  Or maybe you're weirder than them.
• 15:32
  You never know.
• 15:32
  Everything in moderation.
• 15:33
  Right.
• 15:34
  I mean, even.
• 15:35
  Even when we talk about.
• 15:37
  A lot of people will say, well, the alcohol or the Bible says don't drink alcohol.
• 15:41
  Well, no.
• 15:42
  Says don't live a lifestyle of a drunkard.
• 15:44
  Right.
• 15:44
  Like, don't, don't be.
• 15:45
  Don't let that be how you're known.
• 15:48
  Right.
• 15:49
  In the same way.
• 15:50
  Like, I mean, if somebody hurts you once, obviously.
• 15:56
  Depending on what the thing is.
• 15:57
  But like, man, we're called to try to figure that out.
• 16:00
  Yeah.
• 16:01
  And navigate it and not just throw walls up.
• 16:04
  You know, don't just assign it.
• 16:06
  Sign them that they are malicious.
• 16:09
  Sure.
• 16:10
  Or whatever.
• 16:11
  Because they've.
• 16:12
  They've screwed up.
• 16:13
  Yep.
• 16:14
  Well, it's assigning blame.
• 16:15
  You can't be like, well, that guy cut me off because he's an eight.
• 16:19
  No, not necessarily.
• 16:20
  Right.
• 16:20
  Like he could have to go to the bathroom really bad and you're in his way.
• 16:24
  Exactly.
• 16:25
  I like to make those jokes, actually.
• 16:26
  Sometimes I see somebody is like.
• 16:28
  I'm like, he must have to poop.
• 16:31
  I'm so sorry, buddy.
• 16:32
  A lot of times I'll just pray for him and be like, yo, whatever.
• 16:34
  They've got to get to really quickly.
• 16:36
  Like, protect them on their way and protect those around them.
• 16:39
  Yeah.
• 16:40
  But.
• 16:41
  Yeah.
• 16:41
  Anyway.
• 16:42
  So the.
• 16:43
  The article.
• 16:43
  I thought this was interesting.
• 16:44
  Some of the facts it gave out.
• 16:45
  It says that one in five people.
• 16:47
  So even out, even going.
• 16:49
  Getting inside the church.
• 16:50
  One in five people in the church are feeling lonely right now, is what he said.
• 16:54
  As well as the church leaders are not immune to the problem either.
• 16:59
  That about a third of ministers and church leaders experience loneliness because of the demands and the nature of their roles.
• 17:07
  Sure.
• 17:07
  And some of that is sometimes we get put up on a pedestal and people can't think, don't think they can relate to us.
• 17:12
  And sometimes it's just so hard that, you know, we have to be, you know, in our position so much that it's, it's hard to go and then relate.
• 17:22
  Especially because, like, some people are like, they don't make it easy.
• 17:25
  They're like, well, this is what we're doing.
• 17:26
  You're like, well, I really shouldn't participate in that.
• 17:29
  Yeah,.
• 17:29
  Well, if you also notice the.
• 17:31
  If you go into most church settings, you're going to walk around and see probably upwards of 30 to 40% of the people on their phones.
• 17:37
  Now.
• 17:37
  You're literally in a room full of people saying, I feel lonely.
• 17:40
  And you're scrolling through Tick Tock or you're scrolling through Instagram on your phone, seeing what other people are doing, or.
• 17:45
  You're watching service on your phone while sitting in service.
• 17:48
  You'd be surprised at how many people do that.
• 17:51
  No.
• 17:51
  Joke.
• 17:52
  That's.
• 17:52
  Like, no joke.
• 17:53
  It's.
• 17:53
  Wild because it's actually like a 10 second delay.
• 17:55
  Sure.
• 17:56
  So it's like, why are you, like, I don't understand.
• 18:00
  I don't, I.
• 18:00
  Don't know either.
• 18:01
  But I mean, like, how many people right now are saying, you know what, I'll just, I'm a little tired so I'll watch it online.
• 18:06
  And it's like you, you're not understanding the difference when you're here, why don't want to do with people, Right.
• 18:12
  But you're also saying you're lonely.
• 18:13
  So you either deal with people and cure your loneliness, you know, it's like, you're gonna have to step out.
• 18:18
  It's like saying, what else?
• 18:19
  It's like saying you want to get in shape, but you're unwilling to go out for a run.
• 18:22
  Or you're unwilling to go for a bike.
• 18:23
  You're unwilling to go for a walk.
• 18:25
  Proverbs 14, verse 4 says, where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.
• 18:37
  Right.
• 18:38
  We have to understand.
• 18:39
  So do you think I'm supposed.
• 18:41
  To be together?
• 18:41
  Well, I mean,.
• 18:42
  Do you have an end to that?
• 18:43
  Thought you said we have to understand.
• 18:43
  No, I mean,.
• 18:45
  Let's go.
• 18:46
  For it.
• 18:46
  You guys just take it.
• 18:47
  I don't know where I was going now.
• 18:48
  Well, friendship, it says in this article.
• 18:50
  I love that.
• 18:51
  It says, you know, friendship seen as an essential part of the Christian discipleship and mission rather than something that happens on the sidelines.
• 18:58
  It said that basically John 15 says, I've called you friends.
• 19:02
  This is where Jesus is speaking.
• 19:03
  So if he's calling us friends, therefore, we should be friends of one another is kind of the thought process there.
• 19:08
  He said, the Gospel has a human face, and we, being friends of Jesus, become friends of each other, and then friends of the world.
• 19:14
  I don't know if I like the friends of the world part because we want to be careful about how we are friends with the world, but, you know, not a bad thought there.
• 19:22
  And he said, and he argued, I like this, that the genuine Christian witness grows out of relationships and shared experiences, not simply organized church activities.
• 19:32
  And I actually like that a lot because I think that the, you know, relationships are the foundation for everything that we do, you know, and so just going to an event isn't gonna do anything.
• 19:43
  But if you actually go in there and you're connecting with people and starting those relationships, that's when real life change can happen.
• 19:49
  And I guarantee, as you're saying those words about going to a place and connecting with people, half the people just lost all their energy.
• 19:54
  They're like, I have to go to a place and I have to con.
• 19:57
  Oh, that's so.
• 19:59
  Ugh.
• 19:59
  Can I just have friends?
• 20:01
  Just, like, can they just.
• 20:02
  Well, I mean,.
• 20:02
  Up here,.
• 20:03
  It's.
• 20:03
  It's a lot of work, you know, especially for those that, you know, like I said, on the other side, fear, you know?
• 20:10
  Right.
• 20:10
  Fear of rejection, declining trust.
• 20:12
  Like, how much energy it takes to navigate that while you're around people can be exhausting.
• 20:18
  So have we seen.
• 20:19
  I'm curious.
• 20:20
  I haven't done any kind of research on it, but, like, if you look at the different generations, was there less rejection in generations?
• 20:26
  Was it, like, did people.
• 20:28
  Was it just more common practice to, like, I'm just going to walk down the street, I see a guy, and I go, hey, we're friends because we live on the same street.
• 20:34
  And now it's like, that's a stranger.
• 20:36
  And I'm scared of them.
• 20:36
  And therefore I'm gonna hide in my house.
• 20:38
  I mean, how often do you.
• 20:40
  I literally drive down my street and I watch people see me.
• 20:42
  They might throw up a wave, but typically they'll look down to the ground and they'll walk to their house and close the door, lock it with their three locks, and it's like, don't come anywhere near me.
• 20:50
  Well, I think.
• 20:51
  Think of it like this.
• 20:52
  At one point, we had societies that were built with front porches.
• 20:55
  Yep.
• 20:55
  So everybody could talk to each other as they walk by.
• 20:58
  And Then we moved to back porches, and now we're not even on the porch.
• 21:03
  You know, we're behind computer screens and phones.
• 21:06
  And so we're getting away from it.
• 21:08
  Like, I think as society has quote, unquote progressed, we've given ourselves more and more outs, more and more ways to disconnect.
• 21:16
  And we call it connection in a different way, but we really are disconnecting as we're doing it.
• 21:21
  Yep.
• 21:22
  Well, and a lot of it, too.
• 21:23
  Like, what I'm seeing in this young adult generation is there's young adults and teenagers alike are leaning more and more into their feelings.
• 21:32
  It's like, I've literally had people tell me, if service starts at 7, I'll have someone text me at 6 and say, I'm so excited for tonight.
• 21:37
  And then they don't show up.
• 21:38
  And I text them at 8, say what happened?
• 21:40
  And they'll say, oh, something came up.
• 21:41
  And then I find out later, it's like, I just didn't feel like coming.
• 21:44
  It's like that changed in an hour.
• 21:46
  Like, how did.
• 21:47
  Like, just.
• 21:48
  It's.
• 21:48
  It's wild.
• 21:49
  So I, I grew up in the generation of your feelings don't matter, basically, to a degree.
• 21:53
  It's like, I don't want to go to work.
• 21:54
  I don't care.
• 21:55
  You're going to go to work anyway.
• 21:56
  Well, I don't want to go to church.
• 21:57
  I don't care.
• 21:57
  You're going to go to church.
• 21:58
  This generation has a hard time with that.
• 22:00
  Yep.
• 22:00
  Because I.
• 22:01
  That's what I tell my students.
• 22:02
  I don't care what you want to do.
• 22:04
  This is what we're doing.
• 22:05
  And I may have to tell them 15 times and I'm not, I'm not nice about it when I have to tell them I don't care.
• 22:11
  That's a point where you've already disrespected me.
• 22:14
  Yeah.
• 22:15
  By not just doing what you're asked when I asked them that first time.
• 22:19
  You don't do that though.
• 22:20
  Right.
• 22:20
  I'm.
• 22:21
  I'm not going to put up with it because it, it won't.
• 22:25
  It doesn't go anywhere good if I.
• 22:28
  Oh, well, you need to, you know.
• 22:31
  No.
• 22:31
  Do it.
• 22:32
  Yep.
• 22:33
  So, yeah.
• 22:34
  No, this.
• 22:35
  This generation is crippled by that.
• 22:37
  And it, it's not.
• 22:40
  I, it's not their fault.
• 22:42
  I mean, it is because to some degree you got to own your own actions, but it's not their fault because they've been raised and allowed to do it, so.
• 22:50
  Oh.
• 22:51
  I mean, even in.
• 22:53
  I mean, I homeschool my kids and My kids will still look at me sometimes, be like, I don't see the purpose in learning this.
• 22:57
  Like, that's irrelevant.
• 22:58
  You're going to learn it.
• 22:59
  You're going to learn it because this is what you need to learn.
• 23:02
  And you may not know the implant implications of learning this until way later in life.
• 23:07
  And don't get me wrong, there was plenty of things in school that I was like, am I going to use this?
• 23:11
  And I'm not sure if some of it I have used.
• 23:13
  But.
• 23:14
  Right.
• 23:14
  Learning it is good so that you have it in there in case you end up do needing it and then you have something to draw from.
• 23:21
  It's just wild.
• 23:22
  Like we get.
• 23:23
  We've gotten so kind of lazy about certain things.
• 23:26
  But in that I like, like, you know, and part of it was the technology, right?
• 23:31
  Because it says that, you know, the one guy highlighted how individual, individual, individualism.
• 23:37
  Thank you.
• 23:38
  And the growth of digital technology have changed the way people connect, weakening many of the everyday social habits that once helped friendships develop.
• 23:48
  Now, I would like to point out before I read this next part, because this next part I thought was cool, that, you know, we're made to be relational.
• 23:56
  Correct.
• 23:57
  We're made to be in relationship.
• 23:57
  You know, God said he saw Adam by himself, said, it's not good.
• 24:00
  He's alone, made him a helper.
• 24:02
  We're made to be in relationship.
• 24:03
  We're made to be in relationship with the Lord.
• 24:05
  We're made to be in relationship with each other.
• 24:07
  That's how it works.
• 24:09
  Yeah.
• 24:10
  There was times where Jesus pulled aside to himself or with himself and the Father.
• 24:14
  But then he was then immediately relational.
• 24:16
  Sometimes, like, but faith is personal.
• 24:18
  Okay.
• 24:18
  If it's personal, starts with you, but then is immediately relational.
• 24:21
  Right.
• 24:22
  It doesn't stay that way.
• 24:23
  It's never meant to stay that way.
• 24:25
  We're meant to be in community.
• 24:26
  We're meant to be with each other and experiencing these things.
• 24:30
  And one of the things he said is like, we take things for granted.
• 24:32
  We.
• 24:32
  Things we take for granted.
• 24:33
  Like the chat after church.
• 24:35
  Like when we go to church, the Wednesday night discipleship dinner, catching up and bumping into someone in the shops.
• 24:40
  Like when you go to a store instead of ordering everything from Amazon that you worship with this, this is stuff that's now valuable because it's becoming so scarce for so many people.
• 24:52
  Like, I actually love bumping into people I know in the shopping store for some reason,.
• 24:57
  Not physically, but.
• 24:59
  Like, yeah, I mean, but like if I'm going down the aisle, right?
• 25:03
  And somebody's like, oh, you know, well, now it's Pastor Matt.
• 25:07
  It used to just be Matt now.
• 25:08
  Oh, okay.
• 25:09
  Hey, you know, and it's great to kind of catch up and have that.
• 25:12
  We're all in the same community together.
• 25:13
  We're all in this together, and that relationship continues.
• 25:16
  I love that.
• 25:17
  I.
• 25:18
  Some people are like, I would rather not.
• 25:20
  Yep.
• 25:21
  Trust me, if I'm in a mood where I don't want to talk to anyone, there's usually headphones in.
• 25:24
  Sure.
• 25:25
  That's the sign.
• 25:25
  Well,.
• 25:26
  And again.
• 25:26
  That we go back to generations.
• 25:27
  Like, I remember I came.
• 25:28
  I cannot remember how many times I would sit there and I pull on my mom's arm, like, can we please go?
• 25:34
  She found somebody in the store, and she's just chatting, chatting, chatting, chatting.
• 25:37
  Or my dad does the same thing.
• 25:38
  But then, like, this generation, like, now there's.
• 25:41
  Now there's a time when you come around the corner and you see somebody, even from the church that you go to, that you serve with, and you're like, I like this person.
• 25:46
  And there's that twinge of kind of like, how long is this going to take?
• 25:49
  I.
• 25:50
  I want to get home and watch this movie, or I want to get home and have lunch or something like that.
• 25:54
  So then it's a quick.
• 25:54
  Kind of like, I'm going to keep moving as we talk to each other, because I don't want to get stuck here for too long.
• 25:59
  It's like, when did the mentality shift of,.
• 26:01
  I mean,.
• 26:01
  I don't want to get stuck versus, oh, you're here.
• 26:04
  It's kind of like that busyness is the enemy of faithfulness kind of thing.
• 26:07
  We.
• 26:07
  We have a tendency to allow ourselves to put so much on our plates that we don't make room for much others.
• 26:14
  We're in such a hurry.
• 26:15
  Yep.
• 26:15
  And it's wild because now part of the mental health crisis is that so many people, myself included, are almost frozen in fight or flight mode, where it's like we're being chased by lions every five minutes.
• 26:27
  And so that we can't relax, we have to keep going.
• 26:30
  We.
• 26:30
  To keep moving.
• 26:31
  Like, we can't take the time.
• 26:34
  And so it's.
• 26:36
  It's hard.
• 26:37
  What we need to be is the kind of people that are willing to go, hey, I got five minutes, or, hey, I got longer.
• 26:43
  Explain that a little better.
• 26:44
  Explain what a little better?
• 26:46
  The whole, like, the.
• 26:49
  You're stuck in flight or fight or.
• 26:51
  Fight mode.
• 26:52
  Yeah.
• 26:52
  Basically, we have ourselves going so that it's like, everything's an emergency.
• 26:55
  Everything's.
• 26:56
  It's like, that's why I use, like my wife, actually, I'll give her credit on that because she used to.
• 27:00
  She likes to say it's like you're being chased by a lion all the time.
• 27:03
  Yeah.
• 27:03
  So everything's an emergency and we put so much pressure on everything that we're doing all the time.
• 27:08
  And it's all.
• 27:09
  Fake.
• 27:10
  Yeah.
• 27:10
  Mostly.
• 27:11
  And it's.
• 27:11
  And it's so stressful and it's got us all our anxiety up and we're going through depressions and all these things because we haven't taken the time to relax.
• 27:19
  We don't even take.
• 27:20
  We don't give ourselves proper time to take deep breaths.
• 27:22
  Yep.
• 27:23
  I.
• 27:23
  Mean, the fact that I've been working so hard myself to work on my own anxiety and my own stress levels by taking all these practices and stuff and putting them in the play just so I can release some
• 27:34
  of this.
• 27:34
  I mean, I have trouble detoxing this.
• 27:35
  That's how much I'm stuck in this.
• 27:37
  Sure.
• 27:38
  And so I can understand when anybody else comes to me is like, I just don't.
• 27:41
  I don't know how to do that.
• 27:42
  Well, you need to, you need to know that you can put things down.
• 27:45
  Yep.
• 27:46
  And that if you take five minutes, the world's not going to, you know, come down on you for it.
• 27:51
  And.
• 27:52
  But that's.
• 27:52
  We're kind of trained to go that much faster.
• 27:54
  I love talking about how, you know, technology is the enemy in so many ways.
• 28:00
  It's handy in others.
• 28:02
  But think about it.
• 28:03
  Back in the day, right before cell phones and before pagers, Right.
• 28:09
  Back when you had a phone at the office, back when you had a phone at your house or at your, you know, whatever.
• 28:15
  That was tied to your wall.
• 28:16
  Yeah.
• 28:16
  Now I use the idea of a construction worker or manager, right?
• 28:20
  Yep.
• 28:20
  Somebody that's managing a construction project.
• 28:23
  They go.
• 28:23
  He goes into his office in the morning and he gets his messages and he makes a couple phone calls.
• 28:27
  Then he goes out to construction site.
• 28:29
  He sees what's going on and he has to drive back to construction site or get to a phone to make any more phone calls and.
• 28:35
  Or to do anything like that.
• 28:37
  That's normal.
• 28:39
  That long, drawn out practice was normal.
• 28:42
  Okay.
• 28:43
  And yeah, sure, let's say there might have been some rushing around back then, but everything took longer and everything was okay.
• 28:50
  Yep.
• 28:50
  That's just how things were.
• 28:51
  And it was fine.
• 28:52
  Yeah.
• 28:53
  Enter in the pager, enter in the cell phone.
• 28:57
  And now we're expected to be at everyone's beck and call.
• 28:59
  Every.
• 28:59
  Every moment of the day.
• 29:01
  Yep.
• 29:02
  And, like.
• 29:03
  And I get on people's nerves because I'll put my phone down.
• 29:06
  I'll get on people's nerves because I.
• 29:08
  If I'm in a conversation with me, I won't answer my phone.
• 29:11
  Yep.
• 29:11
  Like, there's all kind of things that I won't do sometimes.
• 29:13
  Yep.
• 29:14
  And I set up my phone to not message me unless it's my wife if I'm certain places.
• 29:18
  Fair enough.
• 29:18
  Like, I.
• 29:21
  I get the stress that comes from the phone.
• 29:26
  I get the stress that comes from the social media.
• 29:28
  I get the stress that we.
• 29:29
  We're connected all the time.
• 29:30
  So we have to be connected all the time.
• 29:32
  Yep.
• 29:32
  And I have to be really intentional about this, because if not, then I feel like I have to be on it all the time, and it stresses me out.
• 29:39
  When I take vacations, I love to plan a vacation where I put the phone down and I don't contact anyone.
• 29:44
  Mm.
• 29:44
  You know, because.
• 29:46
  And you always feel amazing at the end of it.
• 29:48
  You're like,.
• 29:49
  It's wild when you first do it, though.
• 29:50
  You feel like, I'm gonna miss something.
• 29:52
  Right.
• 29:52
  And then at the end, you're like, oh, everything's fine.
• 29:54
  Yep.
• 29:55
  And it's wonderful.
• 29:56
  You know, the.
• 29:57
  Especially when you can send those auto messages to say, like, I'm on vacation.
• 29:59
  I'll be back on such and such.
• 30:01
  I have an auto message now.
• 30:02
  If homie calls me, I literally just tap a button and it says, apologies, I'm on vacation until such and such.
• 30:07
  If this is an emergency, call the office.
• 30:09
  Yeah.
• 30:09
  And that's it.
• 30:10
  We have someone in the church that if we.
• 30:11
  We have a message that goes out usually on Fridays with what's going on in the church.
• 30:15
  And this one lady, if she's driving, it automatically kicks back, hey, I'm driving.
• 30:21
  I'll get back to you later.
• 30:22
  And I.
• 30:23
  At first I was like, that's kind of funny, because it kept happening.
• 30:25
  Then I realized, this is great, that it makes it okay for her to just be aware of what she's doing.
• 30:31
  How wonderful is that?
• 30:33
  You know?
• 30:33
  But anyway, that's.
• 30:34
  So we're stuck in this mode where we have to be on, and it's so stressful.
• 30:38
  So, like, we're not making that time.
• 30:40
  Like, for some people to be in that place where you're feeling that all the time, and then you run into someone.
• 30:45
  You're like, you're.
• 30:45
  You're.
• 30:46
  That's where you're getting that rushing feeling, like, hey, hey, I guess we gotta go.
• 30:49
  Um.
• 30:49
  And we're not used to.
• 30:51
  And mix this awkward because.
• 30:54
  Because we can't allow ourselves just to relax and have the conversation and let it go where it's gonna go and be like, hey, you know, so how such and such.
• 31:01
  No, we have to be like, if we don't have anything really great to say, we feel like we have nothing to say.
• 31:06
  And I got two harsh words.
• 31:07
  Here.
• 31:07
  We go.
• 31:08
  For people.
• 31:10
  The first one is it's fake.
• 31:13
  It's.
• 31:13
  All fake.
• 31:14
  The.
• 31:15
  The rush.
• 31:16
  The rush is.
• 31:17
  Is all fake.
• 31:19
  I mean, it's.
• 31:20
  It's.
• 31:20
  And it's your fault.
• 31:22
  You're the one that has created this for you.
• 31:26
  And that's hard, I think, for people to realize is that, like, we can't blame social media.
• 31:31
  Although it helps.
• 31:33
  Y.
• 31:33
  But.
• 31:34
  And to clarify, when he said you're the one, he.
• 31:35
  He was looking at me, but he didn't mean me specifically.
• 31:38
  No, but you are one of the ones.
• 31:39
  I am one of the ones.
• 31:40
  You.
• 31:40
  You are at fault for yourself.
• 31:42
  Correct.
• 31:42
  Right.
• 31:43
  And so.
• 31:44
  And I know people don't like to hear that, but too bad.
• 31:46
  Like, it's.
• 31:48
  That.
• 31:49
  That is the truth.
• 31:50
  That it's.
• 31:51
  It's a fake hurry.
• 31:52
  And this fake hurry that we've created, this fake emergency, um, it's.
• 32:00
  It's on you.
• 32:01
  Yep.
• 32:01
  It's on you to stop being that way.
• 32:05
  And realistically, if you look at.
• 32:07
  At life and all the things that we hurry for, that we rush for, that we call an emergency, that we treat like an emergency, at least 99% of it's not.
• 32:20
  100%.
• 32:22
  And.
• 32:23
  And the other harsh word that I have is this.
• 32:26
  If you are so tied up in worry and rush and emergency, maybe you're not trusting God enough with your life.
• 32:35
  I mean, Scripture says that if.
• 32:43
  You know what.
• 32:44
  What does worry do for you?
• 32:45
  Doesn't add a day to your life, doesn't add an hour,.
• 32:47
  If anything else.
• 32:48
  And so, man, if you're worrying that much and you're stuck in this.
• 32:53
  This fight or flight, I would urge you just to pray that God teaches you to trust him more.
• 32:59
  Yeah.
• 33:00
  Well, interestingly, you say that because the opposite of loneliness, of course, is having actually good relationships.
• 33:08
  And if you want to grow in your faith, if you want to be able to do that, they say that personal relationships remain the church's most important opportunity.
• 33:18
  In fact, I love this quote.
• 33:19
  It says, the gospel spreads at the speed of relationship.
• 33:25
  I loved that one a lot.
• 33:26
  The gospel spreads at the speed of a relationship.
• 33:29
  That's good.
• 33:30
  It's so good.
• 33:30
  He Said the friends, relatives, and ordinary church members often play a significant role in helping others explore Christianity and their faith.
• 33:38
  And the most significant human influence won't be a professional Christian.
• 33:44
  It'll be a friend, a neighbor, a colleague, or a family member.
• 33:47
  Relationships matter.
• 33:50
  And to be in a place where you're lonely, you gotta find those relationships.
• 33:54
  You gotta make those relationships so that it can help kind of support you.
• 33:58
  And the ones that are the most important are the biblical relationships that we have.
• 34:02
  People in the church, they're gonna come alongside us and really be there for us.
• 34:07
  And not only be there for the moments that.
• 34:09
  Where we feel lonely, but help us to grow deeper in our faith so that when we are by ourselves, we can be secure in Jesus.
• 34:16
  And I love this part so much.
• 34:18
  He says what we need, what we need to find is what he calls we need 3, 2am Friends.
• 34:28
  3, 2am friends.
• 34:29
  People they can turn to in the middle of the night when life becomes difficult and they need someone they can trust.
• 34:34
  Those.
• 34:34
  You got to develop relationships.
• 34:36
  We got three people that you call at any time.
• 34:38
  Do you have three?
• 34:39
  Oh, yeah.
• 34:40
  Okay.
• 34:40
  Yes, I do.
• 34:41
  You have three that you can call in the middle?
• 34:42
  I.
• 34:42
  Probably have, like, six.
• 34:43
  Yeah,.
• 34:43
  Yeah.
• 34:44
  Okay, that's fair.
• 34:45
  He's got three.
• 34:45
  Double time.
• 34:46
  Okay.
• 34:47
  Sorry.
• 34:47
  I have at least three I know I can.
• 34:49
  I named right now.
• 34:50
  I.
• 34:50
  Was running off of my head, too.
• 34:52
  That was.
• 34:53
  No, that's good.
• 34:53
  Actually, in the.
• 34:54
  In the teaching we did for Proverbs last Wednesday, one of the things I pulled was a study that they did at the National Library of medicine.
• 35:03
  They took 29 participants who had high levels of GAD, which is generalized anxiety disorder.
• 35:08
  Uh, and they gave them 30 days and told them to document every single worry they had in what they called their worry what a worry Outcome Journal.
• 35:16
  Right.
• 35:16
  And so they discovered after the end of the 30 days that 91.4% of everything they worried about did not come true.
• 35:22
  Right.
• 35:23
  And so once they figured that out, then they took all those studies and they sent it to six independent study firms.
• 35:29
  And they found that there was.
• 35:30
  Once the pe.
• 35:31
  The participants had realized that they saw 73.4% drop in their anxiety levels just from realizing 90 of what I'm worrying about is never going to happen.
• 35:41
  Yeah, but so many people to.
• 35:43
  To your point is that you're constantly rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing.
• 35:46
  Like you said, everything is important.
• 35:48
  I even had this interaction with somebody last week where they were doing something, and I put my hand down and I said, does this have to be done right?
• 35:54
  Now, and they kind of stopped and were like, no, I guess it doesn't.
• 35:57
  I'm like, right.
• 35:58
  Like.
• 35:58
  So.
• 35:59
  Yeah.
• 35:59
  Like, there's just so much stress we put on.
• 36:01
  We've accepted it.
• 36:02
  Yeah.
• 36:02
  We've been, We've kind of accepted somehow the notion that we have to be that way all the time.
• 36:08
  And it's exhausting.
• 36:11
  I mean, to the point where when I let that affect me too much, I don't even.
• 36:14
  I, I, It's.
• 36:15
  I, I can't even sleep, right.
• 36:17
  Yeah.
• 36:17
  Because I'm stressing out in my sleep.
• 36:20
  I actually just call it stress sleep.
• 36:22
  But yeah, so.
• 36:23
  But you need to have the ability to connect with people to be able to support you.
• 36:27
  And sometimes just having those.
• 36:29
  There's relationships where you stop and spend time on the relationship, stop and spend time supporting one another, stop and spend time encouraging each other in their faith is so important.
• 36:43
  So they started doing these lessons on trying to help people and the areas they focused on.
• 36:49
  And maybe these are good areas to talk about.
• 36:51
  They said, do you want to focus on learning how to be better at conversation, vulnerability, trust, resolving conflict, and building relationships with people from different backgrounds?
• 37:04
  Now, when you say resolving conflict, that means, like, if I see a comment I disagree with, I can just comment on there and throw my opinion out there.
• 37:10
  And that should resolve the conflict.
• 37:11
  Right.
• 37:12
  That's.
• 37:13
  How I resolve mine.
• 37:14
  I say I'm right.
• 37:16
  Thank you.
• 37:17
  Have a nice day.
• 37:19
  Resolve my conflict.
• 37:20
  I mean, it's easy.
• 37:21
  As you said, you know, that goes back to the grace that we had you talked about earlier is, you know, being able to have a disagreement or, you know, even if resolving conflict, if somebody does something, and maybe
• 37:32
  they did or maybe they did not realize that it hurts you, offended you, to be able to lend that grace out and go, okay, this should, this shouldn't be the thing that kills a relationship.
• 37:43
  Let's.
• 37:43
  Let's work past this.
• 37:44
  Let's heal this and not let it be something that either person becomes so hurt over that it just stays as a resentment or a poison.
• 37:56
  Well, right.
• 37:57
  So Proverbs 12:25 says, Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
• 38:03
  Right.
• 38:04
  The, the problem is you get so many people who are so caught up and being afraid of what could happen that they're completely robbing themselves of God to be able to bless them with the joy that they've been
• 38:16
  praying for this entire time.
• 38:18
  God, I need joy, I need peace.
• 38:19
  I need that kind of stuff.
• 38:20
  And he's going, okay, I'm Gonna give you opportunities to choose peace.
• 38:24
  Like, how many of us have said, like, you know what?
• 38:27
  I have not been out with my wife in three months, dude, we're so busy right now.
• 38:30
  And it's like, if you're to the point where you say, I can't find time to take my wife out to dinner, it's like, you got a whole other.
• 38:39
  Whole other issue.
• 38:40
  But all of us, like, I have a.
• 38:43
  A good friend of mine who has a whole entire massage practice.
• 38:46
  He calls it the full energy reset, where he will ask you to dedicate two hours to this.
• 38:50
  There is a massage involved, but a lot of it is him just sitting and listening to what's weighing you down.
• 38:54
  And every single person who's come out of it has said, I feel like I.
• 38:58
  Like the world has not collapsed, and I feel better and I feel more free, but I don't know what happened.
• 39:02
  It's like, because you stopped and you stopped worrying and you allowed yourself to pour out and release what was weighing you down.
• 39:11
  And, you know, so it's like we just got too many people who are just like chickens with their heads cut off, right?
• 39:17
  And like you said, everything's.
• 39:19
  Everything's important.
• 39:19
  It has to get done right now.
• 39:21
  Well, if you think about it, like, so, okay, Serenity and I were.
• 39:25
  That's my daughter, for those of you who are newer.
• 39:28
  Were at Walmart a couple of weeks ago, walking in.
• 39:32
  It was.
• 39:32
  It was in the evening, and.
• 39:34
  Or maybe it was first thing in the morning.
• 39:36
  I don't remember.
• 39:37
  It was.
• 39:38
  It was first.
• 39:38
  People are in their pajamas, but it's Walmart, so it's hard to.
• 39:41
  Tell.
• 39:41
  Right?
• 39:41
  So it was dark.
• 39:42
  That's what I remember.
• 39:43
  I think it was first thing in the morning and.
• 39:46
  And we were.
• 39:48
  We're going through the stuff at the school and everything else, and it's been a wreck for a lot of the people that are in the school as far as life goes, you know, and we were just talking.
• 40:04
  It's like, how many of these people do you think know what's going on with our school?
• 40:09
  And she's like, probably none.
• 40:12
  I was like, yep,.
• 40:14
  Yeah.
• 40:14
  And some of them are probably going through great times in their life, but there's a lot of them that have other wrecks that are going on in their life, and we're just this little group of people that have
• 40:28
  this specific wreck going on in our life, and nobody else really knows about this.
• 40:33
  And I say that to say that your problems are important, but your problems are tiny in comparison to what God can handle.
• 40:47
  And they're really not an emergency.
• 40:49
  They're hard.
• 40:50
  I don't want to take that away from anybody.
• 40:53
  Like what I've gone through in the last three, four weeks has been rough on me.
• 40:58
  Yep.
• 40:59
  But other people are going through things too.
• 41:03
  We're not alone.
• 41:03
  The world's not gonna end with my problems, you know, because of my problems.
• 41:10
  And none of it's an emergency.
• 41:12
  We're just patient.
• 41:14
  The answer generally just shows up.
• 41:17
  And usually patience with prayer is whenever it's clear.
• 41:22
  But I just, man, like, we make everything so much about us.
• 41:29
  And I think that isolation of self centered thought is what leads to this loneliness that I think that isn't really an epidemic.
• 41:38
  Sure.
• 41:39
  Well, and the other thing too, one thing I will absolutely brag on my brother for he's got four kids, God bless him.
• 41:45
  Amen.
• 41:46
  Right.
• 41:46
  But that's the other thing too.
• 41:47
  We're gonna, we're not gonna touch too on that.
• 41:49
  But like there's a, there was a whole section of people that were like five, six, seven, eight kids as normal.
• 41:54
  Now we're like, dude, I had two.
• 41:55
  I am so done.
• 41:57
  It's like because we are now a generation where we are so busy, we are so running so all the time.
• 42:03
  Like that's one of the reasons that I actually watched a video today where the, the gentleman was preaching and he was saying, he's like, did any of you get the option to go to church?
• 42:12
  Did your mom ever check in with you and say, do you feel like going to church today?
• 42:15
  No, no, no, no.
• 42:15
  It's.
• 42:16
  Get in the car.
• 42:16
  I don't care how tired you are.
• 42:17
  I don't care if you stayed up late.
• 42:19
  He's like, now we have this whole generation where it's like, yet the parents show up and the kids are at home because they didn't feel like coming today.
• 42:24
  It's like, who gave them the option?
• 42:26
  Right?
• 42:26
  Oh man.
• 42:27
  Yeah.
• 42:27
  But.
• 42:28
  Well,.
• 42:29
  Yeah, I'm not.
• 42:30
  My point that what I love about my brother is that he has, he has made.
• 42:37
  I've watched him do this too, where the kids will walk up and they're like, like, dad, I'm so bored.
• 42:41
  And he'll go, that's okay.
• 42:42
  He's like, boredom is a gift.
• 42:44
  Embrace it.
• 42:44
  It's a good.
• 42:45
  Thing because you know what's going to happen in a few minutes.
• 42:46
  You're going to think of something to do.
• 42:47
  He's like, just watch.
• 42:49
  And I watch his kids just roll around the couch.
• 42:51
  They'll flop down.
• 42:52
  Then all of a sudden I'LL see it.
• 42:52
  I'll see their head pops up and I go, haha, they thought of something to do and then they go write a play.
• 42:58
  So they go ride on their bikes or run around the block or whatever.
• 43:01
  So boredom is a.
• 43:02
  Gift.
• 43:02
  I know.
• 43:03
  Yeah, it is.
• 43:03
  I tell you what, when you, especially when you live a busy life, the idea of being bored sounds great actually.
• 43:09
  Sometimes, like, man, wouldn't it be nice to just be bored,.
• 43:12
  Right?
• 43:14
  Actually, I don't think I could.
• 43:15
  I think at this, well, maybe I could, but I think it would be strange to just be able to have nothing to do.
• 43:22
  I think I'd almost feel uncomfortable.
• 43:24
  Like, man, can I still relax?
• 43:27
  Can I really do this for more time?
• 43:30
  This is strange.
• 43:33
  Yeah.
• 43:33
  So I mean, honestly, when it comes to loneliness, first thing, God is always with you.
• 43:41
  And your friends are going to help you, your loved ones, everyone in your relationship is going to help you realize more of your relationship with God and help you to cultivate that.
• 43:52
  But as the more you're able to do that, the more you'll know you're not alone.
• 43:56
  He's there with you.
• 43:57
  You can talk to him anytime and, you know, carry a Bible with you.
• 44:02
  Personally, I prefer an actual Bible as compared to just looking at my phone all the time.
• 44:06
  But still try to keep his Word near you because he'll be able to speak to you through that often.
• 44:14
  So when you're at your loneliest moments, he is always there for you.
• 44:16
  You can always speak to him, you can always hear from him, from His Word.
• 44:21
  But, you know, you definitely want to have those relationships.
• 44:24
  And I've actually learned, and this is something that until you, until you get it, you don't get it.
• 44:30
  It's one of those, if you know, you know.
• 44:32
  But once you actually cultivate friendships in the faith, you get to share something that's way more intimate than anything else you can share with all your other friends.
• 44:43
  Intimacy is,.
• 44:44
  And it can be, but you know, it's so amazing.
• 44:48
  I can have relation.
• 44:50
  I can have conversations with people on a level in the church that I can't have with some of my best friends because they're not going to see it.
• 45:01
  You know, I come in here, I talk about Jesus, I talk about what he's doing in my life.
• 45:05
  And if we're honest with ourselves, that is the most important stuff.
• 45:09
  That is the most intimate stuff.
• 45:11
  Well, how is the Lord of the Universe, the Creator of the universe?
• 45:14
  How is your relationship with Him?
• 45:16
  How is he working in your life?
• 45:17
  And I get to share that with Friends inside the church and some of my friends outside the church.
• 45:21
  I don't get to have those same conversations.
• 45:24
  And it, it's, it's lacking.
• 45:26
  It's, it's, it's actually disappointing when you cannot.
• 45:29
  I mean, I try to, don't get me wrong, and I think everybody, we should try to work that in there.
• 45:34
  But it's.
• 45:34
  I can tell you if, you know, you know, once you have those friendships that you can go and talk about your faith, talk about where God is in a real way, it's going to change your life in ways.
• 45:46
  It's going to be deeper.
• 45:48
  And I mean, I tell you what, when I think about the friends that I can't have that relationship with, it makes me yearn for them to know Christ that much more, just so I can share that with them.
• 45:58
  Like, I've shared blood with you.
• 45:59
  I've shared trips with you.
• 46:01
  I can trust my life with you on this earth at least.
• 46:04
  But I, I want to be able to share God with you.
• 46:08
  Did you say you share blood with them?
• 46:10
  Yeah, because, you know, you've been in places where blood's been spilled.
• 46:12
  Okay,.
• 46:13
  Okay.
• 46:13
  I was like, what.
• 46:14
  What are we into?
• 46:15
  But.
• 46:16
  No, I like that.
• 46:17
  Yes.
• 46:17
  Not a weird way,.
• 46:18
  Right?
• 46:18
  And I've.
• 46:19
  Well, and that's the thing, too.
• 46:20
  It's like we go back to boredom.
• 46:21
  We.
• 46:21
  I've.
• 46:22
  I've literally watched parents where the kids say, dad, I'm bored.
• 46:24
  And the dad will pull out his phone, pull something up and shove a phone in their face and say, leave me alone.
• 46:28
  I'm.
• 46:29
  I'm too busy.
• 46:30
  Right.
• 46:30
  So if we look at, like, I would say Satan only has one.
• 46:34
  One tool.
• 46:34
  It's basically just a question and just try to get you to just, Just to nudge you that way.
• 46:38
  Nudge you that way.
• 46:39
  Right.
• 46:40
  So he knows that he doesn't have to do anything super dramatic.
• 46:42
  All he has to do is get you to stop paying attention to each other.
• 46:45
  Right.
• 46:46
  Because friendships are where you grow.
• 46:48
  Friendship.
• 46:49
  So, like, my son has probably taught me more than, you know, some of the most intelligent people in my life, because it's simply calling out behavior.
• 46:57
  Right?
• 46:58
  So there'll be.
• 46:59
  I think there was one time, years and years ago, where I got to the point where it was.
• 47:03
  I was comfortable having a beer after work, and then all of a sudden it was two beers and then it was three.
• 47:08
  I didn't get to a point where I was like a heavy drink or anything, but at one point, we were getting ready to sit down to dinner and my daughter is such a sweetheart.
• 47:15
  She'll be like, all right, I'm gonna grab some drinks, because they're out in the fridge out in the garage.
• 47:19
  And so she's like, what does somebody want?
• 47:20
  My dad.
• 47:21
  And so my.
• 47:22
  My son goes, dad's gonna have a beer, like always.
• 47:25
  And it was one of those, like, oh, boy.
• 47:27
  Okay, so like you were.
• 47:29
  Saying,.
• 47:30
  Huh?
• 47:31
  So because we live together and we spend time together, and he's observed my behavior, he's calling things out, and I go, oh, I need to change, okay?
• 47:38
  Because if that's coming off to you that way, that means I guarantee it's coming off to the world that way.
• 47:42
  And that's not what I want.
• 47:44
  Okay?
• 47:44
  That.
• 47:44
  That's something.
• 47:45
  We got to be so careful about the things that we do all the time.
• 47:48
  You never know what someone's learning from you.
• 47:51
  Yeah.
• 47:52
  Ever.
• 47:52
  Yeah.
• 47:53
  And I'll tell you something that happened recently.
• 47:55
  So of all people, my.
• 47:57
  My daughter.
• 47:58
  My older daughter is 17.
• 47:59
  She's got this boyfriend that I wish I didn't like, because I do.
• 48:05
  And he's very respectful, and he's.
• 48:08
  He's.
• 48:08
  He's.
• 48:08
  He's a good one.
• 48:09
  And she.
• 48:10
  She found a good one, right?
• 48:11
  Now, that being said, he's around us a lot.
• 48:16
  And the other day, as my daughter, I was giving her kind of a driving lesson, and I was slightly critiquing the way she was parking, and he looks at me and goes, you know how I learned how to
• 48:24
  park?
• 48:24
  And I was like, how?
• 48:25
  And he goes by watching you.
• 48:27
  And I was like, what?
• 48:28
  First off, hit me right in the feels.
• 48:30
  I was like, oh, my gosh.
• 48:35
  And.
• 48:35
  But no, I mean, we really don't know.
• 48:37
  He described everything I did in detail that he watched as I did it.
• 48:42
  He's like, yeah, I watched how you did this and this.
• 48:43
  And now when I go out with my mom, I.
• 48:46
  I do it.
• 48:46
  And she's like, how'd you get so much better?
• 48:47
  And I was watching that, and I was like, man, that is amazing.
• 48:51
  And that's a positive thing that somebody picked up.
• 48:53
  But you never know.
• 48:54
  Even a negative thing, like the things we allow ourselves to take part in can be either good or bad in the eyes of other people.
• 49:03
  We have to be super careful because you never know.
• 49:06
  You never know what they're learning from you.
• 49:08
  Yeah, I am.
• 49:11
  Pushback.
• 49:12
  I can feel it coming.
• 49:12
  Yeah.
• 49:13
  I.
• 49:15
  I'm cautious to say things like, you have to be super careful with that sort of thing.
• 49:23
  And the reason I'm cautious with that is that I know so Many people who are so worried that they're going to do something that's going to cause somebody else to sin, that they've become so legalistic in their mind
• 49:39
  that.
• 49:40
  That they can't do anything, and it's debilitating.
• 49:42
  And that can.
• 49:44
  That can lead.
• 49:44
  Exactly.
• 49:45
  To loneliness.
• 49:46
  Sure.
• 49:47
  So I think we got to be careful with that, too.
• 49:49
  I mean, I don't disagree with you on it.
• 49:53
  It's just when we're.
• 49:54
  When we're talking about it, it's like, look, use your brain.
• 50:00
  Like, I wouldn't say, go to the church parking lot and get smashed.
• 50:06
  Sure.
• 50:07
  Not wise.
• 50:08
  Right.
• 50:09
  If you're drinking at home.
• 50:11
  Cool.
• 50:11
  You know,.
• 50:12
  Cool.
• 50:12
  Don't, Don't.
• 50:14
  Don't get.
• 50:15
  I mean,.
• 50:16
  Goodness gracious,.
• 50:17
  Hang on.
• 50:17
  Let me put the caveat.
• 50:18
  I wouldn't do it.
• 50:19
  To encourage alcoholism.
• 50:21
  I would say don't.
• 50:22
  Don't be a drunkard.
• 50:23
  Right.
• 50:24
  Don't drink to get drunk like that, with that being the goal.
• 50:29
  That also being said, I also don't think it's wrong to go have a beer out at a restaurant or something or sports bar or something.
• 50:37
  I don't think that's wrong either.
• 50:38
  I mean,.
• 50:40
  I would say.
• 50:41
  I would say.
• 50:41
  Don't anything.
• 50:42
  Don't invite somebody that, you know has a problem.
• 50:45
  Right.
• 50:45
  Like, don't.
• 50:46
  Don't invite your friend that, you know, has that.
• 50:49
  Struggles with alcohol.
• 50:50
  Yep.
• 50:51
  Right.
• 50:51
  I.
• 50:51
  Made that.
• 50:52
  And I know this is just one example, but this is the blatant.
• 50:54
  This is a blatant one that not everybody struggles with.
• 50:57
  Whatever.
• 50:57
  But.
• 50:58
  But it doesn't mean don't go out and drink because somebody might see you when you're out.
• 51:04
  You know, that was the rule that our college campus had, was if you're of legal drinking age, you still can't have it on campus, and you can't be on campus with it in your system.
• 51:14
  Sure.
• 51:15
  But if somebody saw you out and about, were you drinking to the point where it called your character into question?
• 51:24
  So, like, if you're you and you're acting with Christian, you know, morals out and about and you're having a drink, they didn't care.
• 51:34
  They would look the other way.
• 51:35
  Sure.
• 51:36
  But if you were getting crazy and slurring your words and everything else, that would be a problem.
• 51:42
  And.
• 51:43
  And they were serious about it.
• 51:44
  It was 24 hours and you're out.
• 51:46
  Sure.
• 51:47
  Yeah.
• 51:47
  Okay.
• 51:48
  It's a matter of integrity, really.
• 51:49
  And integrity of who you are both in front of and not in front of people.
• 51:53
  In fact, true character is who you are when Nobody's looking.
• 51:57
  But how.
• 51:57
  What's your integrity like, what kind of person are you allowing yourself to be?
• 52:01
  And it's not about being legalistic.
• 52:04
  It's about understanding who.
• 52:06
  Who you would like to be and try to be that person.
• 52:09
  Sure,.
• 52:09
  We have to give ourselves grace in all things that we do.
• 52:12
  But for instance, like, if.
• 52:14
  If the.
• 52:15
  If the Bible is getting into your heart more, if God's Word is getting into your heart more, if your relationship with God is growing, you're going to find yourself not having desire to do certain things in your life.
• 52:25
  And so therefore, to entertain them is a useless endeavor.
• 52:29
  However, if you're in a place where you know that you're making mistakes, you don't have to act like you don't.
• 52:33
  You just want to try to make it better.
• 52:35
  Yeah, like.
• 52:35
  Or not.
• 52:36
  You know what I mean?
• 52:36
  Like, try not to do those things.
• 52:38
  You know, it's.
• 52:39
  People who struggle, don't need to hide that they're struggling because then they're not going to get help.
• 52:44
  But you know what I mean?
• 52:45
  But if you're out there and you're in a good place, then let yourself be in that good place and let people learn from you the right ways.
• 52:53
  I'm not trying to shame anyone by any means.
• 52:56
  What I am trying to do is encourage people to see the bar that they've set in front of them and wonder, is it in a good place or should I raise it a little higher?
• 53:05
  Sure.
• 53:05
  You know, and you know, I don't think it's wrong to.
• 53:11
  To want to get a little better all the time.
• 53:13
  So I also have a.
• 53:15
  So it's interesting.
• 53:16
  I will have time where.
• 53:18
  And I think we all suffer from this too, is even as a family, we will agree as a family.
• 53:23
  My little family of four will say, hey, on Sunday, it's us, right?
• 53:26
  Just the four of us.
• 53:27
  Yes, just the four of us.
• 53:28
  Cool.
• 53:28
  All right, so we'll pick a movie to watch.
• 53:30
  The second somebody gets up to go to the bathroom, the movie gets paused.
• 53:33
  I mean, within two seconds, everyone's got their phone up and we're zipping through reels or something like that.
• 53:38
  There's times when we're watching a movie and I'll look over, my daughter's got her phone up.
• 53:42
  And I'll be like.
• 53:43
  And I'll.
• 53:44
  She.
• 53:44
  She knows.
• 53:45
  She.
• 53:45
  It's cringe every time.
• 53:46
  But I'll be like, anything interesting?
• 53:47
  And she'll be like, sorry, no, it's so and so.
• 53:50
  Was asking me a question about such and such.
• 53:51
  And it's like, okay, is it important right now?
• 53:54
  Like, is the world gonna end now?
• 53:56
  There have been times when, yes.
• 53:57
  She has a friend who's going through something, and she's just offering support.
• 54:00
  Okay, fine.
• 54:00
  No big deal.
• 54:01
  It's like.
• 54:01
  But the amount of times where we're literally with people out eating or doing something like that, and we're more concerned with, oh, my gosh, look, John's over there doing the thing on the, like, yeah, we're all here having
• 54:11
  dinner.
• 54:11
  Why are you obsessed with what's going on somewhere else?
• 54:14
  Have you ever been on a date with your wife, sit across the table, Wasn't.
• 54:18
  You're both on the phone.
• 54:20
  I mean, my parents.
• 54:21
  I made fun of my parents for this.
• 54:23
  Whenever they got phones, right?
• 54:24
  Yeah.
• 54:24
  And they got their social medias and everything.
• 54:26
  And they were literally sitting at the kitchen table texting each other back and forth.
• 54:32
  That's sad.
• 54:33
  On messenger.
• 54:34
  And I'm like, you guys are dorks.
• 54:37
  Yep.
• 54:37
  But I find me and my wife do the same thing.
• 54:40
  Sure.
• 54:40
  We.
• 54:40
  Could be out at Texas Roadhouse.
• 54:42
  Right.
• 54:43
  And be flipping through our phones.
• 54:45
  Yep.
• 54:45
  And not paying attention to each other.
• 54:47
  I'm not saying always, but I'm just saying it happens.
• 54:49
  We have to be present.
• 54:51
  100.
• 54:52
  In the moment.
• 54:52
  And so.
• 54:53
  And we don't take enough time because we feel like we have to have everything going on.
• 54:56
  And that's part of that slowing down.
• 54:58
  Slowing down and going, okay.
• 54:59
  It's okay to just be present in this moment.
• 55:02
  Yep.
• 55:02
  And sometimes silence is not supposed to be uncomfortable.
• 55:06
  It's supposed to be okay.
• 55:09
  It's okay.
• 55:09
  It's one of my fears.
• 55:11
  It's okay to sit there and wonder, hey, what can we talk about next?
• 55:14
  That's okay.
• 55:15
  Without looking it up on your phone.
• 55:17
  The next podcast is The Silent Podcast 1.
• 55:20
  Just.
• 55:20
  Dead Space.
• 55:21
  Is us sitting.
• 55:22
  Not.
• 55:22
  Doing that.
• 55:23
  Sorry, guys.
• 55:24
  But I mean, there have been times where, like, I usually feel bad.
• 55:27
  If I take my phone out while my wife is sitting across from me, I'll start feeling bad.
• 55:30
  But sometimes it's things of like, okay, we need to figure out which Airbnb we're going to go to for this particular event.
• 55:35
  All right, well, let's go ahead and do some research.
• 55:37
  And then one of my favorite times is actually if we're, like, laying in bed and she'll crawl up and we're just sitting there flipping through reels, and we're both enjoying them together.
• 55:44
  Like, that's different than if you're sitting.
• 55:47
  Like, it kills me to see these images of, like, Husbands and wife.
• 55:50
  Like, she's reading a book and he's sitting there playing on his phone or typing a thing while they're in bed.
• 55:55
  Like, what are you.
• 55:55
  What are you guys?
• 55:56
  Like, really?
• 55:57
  No, no, I.
• 55:59
  No, no.
• 56:01
  But here's the.
• 56:02
  Well, I want to point out too, like, with the slowing down and with the silence, it's going to feel like loneliness at first, but it's to bring in an air of intentionality.
• 56:15
  You're creating space.
• 56:16
  And you're creating the space in which friendships can be made and the, the depth of.
• 56:24
  Of such can be achieved.
• 56:27
  Like, it takes that, yo, we're just gonna chill and hang out.
• 56:32
  Like, I don't like to fish, but going fishing, right, with somebody.
• 56:38
  Is.
• 56:39
  Great because it forces you to just be there with each other.
• 56:46
  I mean, really, like, you're generally.
• 56:48
  Unless you're deep sea fishing, you're not doing anything that's intense until you get that fish, right?
• 56:53
  Like, until you get snag something and then you have a shared excitement together.
• 56:58
  Usually if you're fishing with other people, right?
• 57:00
  Like, I was show.
• 57:02
  I was.
• 57:02
  I was in Sheboygan, Wisconsin with my dad and grandpa and some of my dad's work buddies a long time ago, and we were salmon fishing.
• 57:13
  And first off, salmon are bigger than you think they are.
• 57:18
  Yeah,.
• 57:19
  Salmon are huge fish, okay.
• 57:22
  And they're mean fish, but they are very mean.
• 57:27
  They.
• 57:27
  Well, they.
• 57:28
  They chewed through the, the fire gloves that all the guys had, all the nice fire gloves.
• 57:33
  They like, they.
• 57:35
  Interesting.
• 57:35
  Ate through them.
• 57:37
  But there is nothing more exciting than like, hooking one and being like, oh, go get the net.
• 57:44
  And then you got another guy that's come around there and you know you're holding.
• 57:48
  It's like, I don't know.
• 57:50
  There's a bonding that happens whenever you create the space for there to be a bond.
• 57:54
  There.
• 57:55
  Is something to happen to have to talk about there.
• 57:58
  Like, I love fishing.
• 57:59
  I don't make enough time to go.
• 58:01
  I really need to do that.
• 58:02
  But I saw this kid, this video online, and I absolutely adore this kid.
• 58:07
  He had caught a little shark and his dad's got it in the net and he's trying to unhook it.
• 58:11
  And this kid looks back at his mom, is like, you.
• 58:13
  What do you say?
• 58:14
  He's like, he's like, you like that?
• 58:16
  You like that?
• 58:17
  He's like, this is what I live for.
• 58:20
  And I'm like, dude, at that moment, I.
• 58:23
  I know that moment.
• 58:24
  I know that, like, rush of just.
• 58:26
  I just fought it and I won and it's it is a wonderful thing.
• 58:30
  And when you got someone there to celebrate with, it's just next level for sure.
• 58:34
  Yep.
• 58:35
  And you're right.
• 58:36
  And, and please, when you get to go with a buddy fishing and you have good catches like that, to be able to talk about them later on just continues the bond.
• 58:44
  It's wonderful.
• 58:45
  Well,.
• 58:45
  And it can be anything too.
• 58:46
  I mean, it doesn't have to be fishing.
• 58:47
  Fishing is just a really easy example.
• 58:50
  To.
• 58:50
  Throw out there.
• 58:50
  But.
• 58:51
  But that, that space at first, you know, new.
• 58:56
  New person going fishing with you, you know, barely know the person or whatever.
• 59:01
  Like,.
• 59:01
  That's a bit.
• 59:02
  It can be weird.
• 59:03
  Because you don't know what to.
• 59:04
  Do sitting there in silence.
• 59:05
  You don't know what to expect.
• 59:07
  You.
• 59:07
  You don't know whether or not you can pull out your beer.
• 59:09
  You don't know, like, what.
• 59:11
  You know, like it was a joke, but like, it's actually a Baptist joke.
• 59:16
  Hey,.
• 59:17
  Anyways, but.
• 59:20
  But seriously, you don't.
• 59:21
  You don't know what to expect.
• 59:22
  And so that, that, that silence, that awkwardness that, that space that you're creating to.
• 59:28
  To build a friendship can feel a little lonely, a little scary at first, but it.
• 59:34
  It has to because it's raw and it's real.
• 59:38
  And when.
• 59:40
  When you slow down enough to be real and you take down the walls and you actually let somebody see, you know, a little glimpse of who you are, that's scary.
• 59:51
  It is.
• 59:52
  For most people,.
• 59:53
  Especially if you've been hurt before.
• 59:54
  But I would also question when we talk about people who get into the.
• 59:58
  Get into heavy drinking or smoking, whatever.
• 1:00:01
  Yeah.
• 1:00:02
  Or even just the social media, it's.
• 1:00:07
  If you sit in silence, you're going to be forced to confront your own thoughts, which.
• 1:00:13
  And half the time we go, I don't want to think about that.
• 1:00:15
  I don't want this.
• 1:00:16
  And then we just think of something to distract ourselves so we don't have to think about it.
• 1:00:19
  It's like when we're having a bad day, we're having bad thoughts, so we go drinking so that we don't have to think about those bad thoughts.
• 1:00:24
  And I've even had days where I'm like, oops, I've had one too many.
• 1:00:27
  And now I'm like, I'm gonna have these same issues tomorrow, but I'm gonna have a headache on top of it.
• 1:00:32
  Right.
• 1:00:32
  You don't think about it in the moment.
• 1:00:34
  Or just the guilt of, oh, man, I went.
• 1:00:36
  I went too far.
• 1:00:37
  And I feel it now.
• 1:00:38
  Sure.
• 1:00:38
  You know, like.
• 1:00:38
  Well, I get that I mean, I like.
• 1:00:40
  I like activities that I can allow myself to just let my mind go.
• 1:00:47
  Like, don't get me wrong, like, so even driving.
• 1:00:49
  Like, I like driving and.
• 1:00:51
  But.
• 1:00:51
  Not those activities together.
• 1:00:52
  Just so you guys know.
• 1:00:53
  Right?
• 1:00:53
  Correct.
• 1:00:54
  I like driving and listening to music.
• 1:00:56
  But sometimes I like to drive in silence, Especially when I'm in my.
• 1:00:59
  By myself, in the car, just so I can let my mind just go.
• 1:01:02
  Sometimes that makes me talk to God.
• 1:01:04
  Sometimes it's just kind of neat to explore what's up there for a while.
• 1:01:08
  When I'm working on cars.
• 1:01:09
  Sometimes the same thing.
• 1:01:10
  Sometimes when I'm fishing, you know, it's been a while, so I often do it while I'm painting.
• 1:01:15
  You know, all the kinds of things that I do to help myself just relax.
• 1:01:20
  Actually, one of the times that I find myself.
• 1:01:23
  If I need a good thought process, I'll wash the dishes.
• 1:01:28
  Interesting.
• 1:01:29
  Something about washing dishes.
• 1:01:30
  Something doing with your hands.
• 1:01:31
  It's something I can do with my hands.
• 1:01:32
  It doesn't require a lot of thought.
• 1:01:33
  Huh.
• 1:01:34
  And so I just do it and I'm, you know, clean it up, you know, put it in the dishwasher, and my mind's just going.
• 1:01:40
  I don't need to focus on things.
• 1:01:41
  None of that.
• 1:01:42
  That.
• 1:01:42
  Was actually one of the reasons I liked cabinet finishing so much, was just like, I would go into the booth, I'd have 200 doors to spray, and it was just.
• 1:01:49
  I load up the thing and just start spraying.
• 1:01:50
  That was when I got to listen to audiobooks, and it's just like, oh, I have an idea.
• 1:01:53
  This is an interesting idea.
• 1:01:54
  Stop.
• 1:01:55
  Write down a note.
• 1:01:55
  It's like.
• 1:01:56
  Because it's all just like, all I have to do is just.
• 1:01:58
  But.
• 1:01:58
  Even that is not the same thing as what he's talking about.
• 1:02:01
  What he's talking about is doing this in silence and letting his own head just kind of do its thing.
• 1:02:06
  Oh,.
• 1:02:06
  That's good.
• 1:02:07
  And.
• 1:02:07
  And I'm cool with what you're talking about.
• 1:02:10
  I don't want nothing to do with what you're.
• 1:02:11
  Talking about.
• 1:02:12
  Like,.
• 1:02:12
  I.
• 1:02:13
  I would rather.
• 1:02:14
  I have to do it.
• 1:02:15
  I have to check where I'm at.
• 1:02:16
  I have to check where my heart's at.
• 1:02:18
  I gotta.
• 1:02:18
  No, I use other people for that.
• 1:02:20
  Like, oh, Lizzie got really mad at that.
• 1:02:23
  Maybe I said that wrong.
• 1:02:24
  Like, maybe I should check myself.
• 1:02:25
  Like, I don't want to be in my own head.
• 1:02:28
  I don't like it.
• 1:02:29
  Right.
• 1:02:29
  Well, I mean, I didn't.
• 1:02:30
  Say I can't do it.
• 1:02:31
  I said I don't Like,.
• 1:02:32
  I got to go up there and climb around sometimes, you know, and just make sure.
• 1:02:35
  Clean up the rafters and,.
• 1:02:37
  You know, get the cobwebs out as well as, you know, do some maintenance.
• 1:02:40
  Sure.
• 1:02:41
  You know, you can't just let.
• 1:02:42
  Like, that's somebody else's job.
• 1:02:43
  Somebody else needs to do that.
• 1:02:44
  I'll.
• 1:02:45
  Tell you.
• 1:02:45
  What.
• 1:02:45
  Can I pay to do.
• 1:02:47
  To pay some really high end people to do that with me?
• 1:02:49
  That'd be amazing.
• 1:02:50
  But how good does it feel when you finally figure out, like, the other day or actually, earlier today, I was thinking about, like, I have a very strong rebellious spirit.
• 1:02:57
  Right.
• 1:02:57
  It's just like, if you ask me to do something, I will do it every time.
• 1:03:00
  If you tell me to do it, I will fight you every step of the way as I have this strong rebellion.
• 1:03:04
  Okay.
• 1:03:05
  Why do I have rebellion?
• 1:03:06
  And I started going through all these different things, and I started figuring out, wait a minute.
• 1:03:09
  The root actually might have come from this.
• 1:03:11
  You know what?
• 1:03:12
  My mom used to tell me that thing.
• 1:03:13
  Oh, my gosh.
• 1:03:14
  Maybe my mom is the reason.
• 1:03:15
  Wait, no, hold on.
• 1:03:16
  I took ownership of it.
• 1:03:17
  It's like, so then having to, like, dig it out when you've figured out where the root is.
• 1:03:20
  And now you can start working digging the root out.
• 1:03:22
  It feels so good.
• 1:03:23
  We don't like authority.
• 1:03:24
  No, of course not.
• 1:03:25
  No,.
• 1:03:26
  I do.
• 1:03:26
  But I do.
• 1:03:27
  Even when I'm driving, I'll be thinking about things.
• 1:03:29
  Actually, lately.
• 1:03:30
  Lately, I'll be driving.
• 1:03:32
  And if.
• 1:03:33
  You're not thinking about things when you're driving, that's a whole other issue.
• 1:03:35
  I'll explore.
• 1:03:36
  Yeah.
• 1:03:38
  Something I'm feeling.
• 1:03:39
  Yep.
• 1:03:39
  And start to ask myself really big questions about, like, why do you feel this?
• 1:03:44
  Where do you think this comes from?
• 1:03:45
  What?
• 1:03:45
  Why do you think you react.
• 1:03:46
  Want to react this way, you know, and start to dissect it and.
• 1:03:50
  And try to bring it down to what it is.
• 1:03:52
  And it's helpful.
• 1:03:52
  But that's what friends are for, too.
• 1:03:54
  Yep.
• 1:03:54
  So I don't always have to do it alone.
• 1:03:56
  And that's what that.
• 1:03:57
  I think that's the direction that I was meaning that I go is I.
• 1:04:00
  I'd rather, like, talk it out with somebody who knows me because I hate.
• 1:04:05
  I hate those tests.
• 1:04:06
  Right.
• 1:04:07
  Where you take it and you got to answer questions about yourself.
• 1:04:09
  It's like, I can't answer this honestly.
• 1:04:11
  I don't.
• 1:04:11
  I don't really know.
• 1:04:12
  I don't.
• 1:04:13
  I don't know.
• 1:04:14
  I love that.
• 1:04:15
  So.
• 1:04:16
  So I'd rather, like, have somebody else do it like sometimes I'll have Lizzy do them.
• 1:04:20
  Sure.
• 1:04:21
  And see.
• 1:04:21
  See how it turns out.
• 1:04:22
  And then I just learned, like, sometimes people are more harsh on you than, than you would be on yourself or then are.
• 1:04:28
  It is actually true.
• 1:04:31
  So it's just one of those things.
• 1:04:32
  I hate that.
• 1:04:32
  I hate that so much.
• 1:04:33
  But there's people that you trust, right?
• 1:04:36
  Like, you got some peoples, and if you don't have some peoples, we can hook you up with some peoples that you can start building a relationship with.
• 1:04:43
  Yeah,.
• 1:04:43
  You can do that long distance.
• 1:04:44
  I, I do it every Tuesday night.
• 1:04:47
  I trust those guys with everything.
• 1:04:51
  So I just.
• 1:04:53
  That's one of those things.
• 1:04:54
  You gotta start building that.
• 1:04:56
  Because those people will help you discern the next things in your life, whether that's, you know, you're doing something you shouldn't be doing or, hey, you know, is God calling me to this?
• 1:05:09
  You know, like, those people will be praying with you and praying for you.
• 1:05:12
  And you can't do this, this whole thing alone.
• 1:05:15
  We've talked about it many times before, but you can't do the Christianity thing alone.
• 1:05:20
  It doesn't, it doesn't work.
• 1:05:22
  Not.
• 1:05:22
  Meant to be alone.
• 1:05:23
  Built to be in relationship with one another.
• 1:05:25
  And so the.
• 1:05:27
  What are some ways that you can make friends.
• 1:05:31
  Interesting.
• 1:05:33
  Not in social media forums.
• 1:05:36
  Believe it or not.
• 1:05:37
  I agree with that wholeheartedly.
• 1:05:38
  I don't think that generally you make friends on social media now, it can be the spark,.
• 1:05:44
  Sure, 100%.
• 1:05:46
  Of good friendships.
• 1:05:47
  But generally speaking, you're not gonna.
• 1:05:49
  There has to be a pursuit, right?
• 1:05:51
  Yeah.
• 1:05:51
  So obviously we're all gonna.
• 1:05:52
  Intentionality.
• 1:05:53
  Yep.
• 1:05:53
  We're all gonna be a little biased.
• 1:05:55
  We're all gonna say that church is where you make good friends.
• 1:05:57
  But I have also had people who have gotten super frustrated because they have what I call drive by conversations where you're walking by them in the hallway.
• 1:06:05
  How's it going?
• 1:06:05
  Good.
• 1:06:06
  How about.
• 1:06:06
  Are you pretty good?
• 1:06:07
  How'?
• 1:06:08
  Pretty great, man.
• 1:06:08
  But I'll, you know, we'll catch up another day.
• 1:06:10
  It's like.
• 1:06:11
  And I can't tell you how many times there's one person in specific.
• 1:06:15
  And if he's listening, he knows who he is.
• 1:06:16
  Oh, it's like him.
• 1:06:17
  Anyway, the.
• 1:06:18
  But he was notorious for walking out.
• 1:06:20
  Dude, we have not hung out in so long.
• 1:06:22
  Like, we need to hang out.
• 1:06:23
  I'm like, all right, I'm free on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
• 1:06:26
  Which day you want to get together?
• 1:06:27
  And he'll go, oh, let me check my calendar.
• 1:06:29
  I'll get back to you.
• 1:06:30
  And then three weeks later it'd be, dude, we have got to hang out.
• 1:06:33
  I'm like, guess what?
• 1:06:33
  I'm still available on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
• 1:06:36
  Which one you want to hang out?
• 1:06:37
  Dude, I will talk to my wife and we'll get together.
• 1:06:39
  Okay.
• 1:06:39
  It's like,.
• 1:06:40
  Yeah.
• 1:06:41
  Well, I think if you're going to talk about what it is to start, I think you need to ask genuine questions and then listen for, Listen genuinely for answers.
• 1:06:51
  So, you know, for instance, if you, if you realize you don't really know anyone, take an interest in them.
• 1:06:56
  You know, be like, hey, so what's your story?
• 1:06:59
  And then actually listen.
• 1:07:00
  Yep.
• 1:07:01
  Don't listen to respond.
• 1:07:02
  Don't listen to compare.
• 1:07:03
  Don't listen to give your story.
• 1:07:05
  Yeah.
• 1:07:06
  Listen.
• 1:07:07
  And then, then maybe even ask more questions.
• 1:07:09
  What was that?
• 1:07:10
  Like, how was that?
• 1:07:10
  You know, and just get to know people.
• 1:07:13
  It sometimes, yeah, it takes.
• 1:07:15
  Takes being a little vulnerable.
• 1:07:17
  It takes being willing to extend some trust and some grace out to some people, but, you know, be willing to just open up and, you know, maybe it should be a game.
• 1:07:28
  First one to ask the question wins.
• 1:07:29
  Now, now you have to list.
• 1:07:30
  Now the person that asks get to.
• 1:07:32
  Gets to hear, and you have to talk.
• 1:07:35
  But if that's.
• 1:07:36
  Your relationship's built on, you're going to learn all kinds of stuff about each other and it's going to be awesome.
• 1:07:41
  But I would say, you know, try to find friendships, especially within the church, try to find them with people who believe and that you can talk about your faith with.
• 1:07:51
  Sure.
• 1:07:51
  It's one of the things, even in my marriage, that was something that I was.
• 1:07:55
  So I've been grateful for, for the whole relationship is that we were able to bring God into the relationship right away and I was able to talk about my faith Right.
• 1:08:03
  Right away and work on it with her right away.
• 1:08:06
  And in fact, the first gift I ever bought her, I thought was kind of risky, but I bought her a Bible.
• 1:08:11
  And I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding.
• 1:08:14
  She used it for years.
• 1:08:15
  Sure.
• 1:08:16
  Until the dog tore it up.
• 1:08:19
  Yeah.
• 1:08:20
  Dogs.
• 1:08:21
  But yeah.
• 1:08:23
  So I, you know, faith is so important, and it made my relationship with my wife stronger.
• 1:08:29
  It'll make relationships with your friends and even, even acquaintances stronger.
• 1:08:35
  To be able to come up to him, be like, hey, man, what's God doing in your life today?
• 1:08:38
  How you doing with your walk?
• 1:08:40
  You know, all that stuff, it's, it's fantastic, you know, to get to the heart of it all and be that much glad.
• 1:08:46
  I tell you what, at the end of your life.
• 1:08:49
  You're not going to regret the things you did for God.
• 1:08:51
  That's right.
• 1:08:52
  You might regret the things you didn't.
• 1:08:54
  And I also know this, that a funeral home is a lot more comfortable when you have hope that the person's with Jesus and a lot more uncomfortable when you're not sure.
• 1:09:04
  100.
• 1:09:05
  And the conversations are going to be ways to get there.
• 1:09:07
  100 yep.
• 1:09:09
  I actually had.
• 1:09:09
  My brother in law was preaching one day and he said a line I'm never going to forget.
• 1:09:12
  He said if you are interested then people will find you interesting.
• 1:09:17
  It's like some of the most impactful people in your life are the ones who are like, dude, he let me just sit there and just unload on him for like two straight hours.
• 1:09:23
  I love that guy.
• 1:09:24
  It's like, you know.
• 1:09:26
  But yeah, you get stuck in these conversations.
• 1:09:28
  But I also find it interesting.
• 1:09:29
  I feel like the majority of the reasons people don't, don't strike out, don't show up to church and don't express what they're doing is because they know as soon as I tell you about this issue that I'm having
• 1:09:39
  you're going to give me a solution.
• 1:09:41
  And I don't want a solution.
• 1:09:42
  I just want to stay in this muck and feel bad for myself.
• 1:09:45
  There's a weird like comfort in pain.
• 1:09:48
  And then on the other side of it I feel like Christians in general tend to be kind of like joy in inside out where it's like somebody's sad, somebody's in pain and our first instinct is to try to
• 1:09:59
  erase all the pain.
• 1:10:00
  It's like, hey, I'm feeling this.
• 1:10:02
  God loves you man.
• 1:10:03
  Just rest in that.
• 1:10:04
  You're.
• 1:10:04
  You're so loved and you're this.
• 1:10:06
  And we're like, yeah, but I feel like garbage right now.
• 1:10:08
  Goes to that thing where it's like, hey, I'm feeling sad.
• 1:10:10
  Have you tried not feeling sad?
• 1:10:13
  That could, that could help.
• 1:10:14
  It.
• 1:10:14
  Usually works.
• 1:10:15
  Yeah.
• 1:10:16
  I used to be sad, but I got awesome instead.
• 1:10:18
  Okay.
• 1:10:20
  Yeah.
• 1:10:20
  I have a little phrase that I used to say all the time and I've started saying it again, which is happiness is a choice.
• 1:10:27
  I actually said recently to Derek that I said that.
• 1:10:32
  What is it?
• 1:10:32
  What I said, sadness is a choice.
• 1:10:35
  Yeah.
• 1:10:36
  You said what?
• 1:10:38
  Like we talk about good morning.
• 1:10:41
  And I was like, I haven't.
• 1:10:42
  Haven't decided that yet.
• 1:10:45
  You.
• 1:10:45
  Can.
• 1:10:45
  Right now.
• 1:10:46
  It's.
• 1:10:46
  Morning.
• 1:10:47
  You.
• 1:10:47
  Know,.
• 1:10:48
  It's like.
• 1:10:48
  You can choose.
• 1:10:49
  Well, you know, it's funny because we, you.
• 1:10:51
  Can choose.
• 1:10:52
  The more that we're Grounded in Christ and in.
• 1:10:54
  Grounded in relationship with him and with others, it's easier to keep your mentality in the right place.
• 1:10:59
  When we start to feel that aloneness, when we feel lonely, that's where the danger comes in, because that's when the problem gets more focus.
• 1:11:07
  Y.
• 1:11:08
  And the problem is not greater than God.
• 1:11:10
  So we have to shift that focus.
• 1:11:14
  Yep.
• 1:11:15
  No, that's, that's.
• 1:11:16
  That's true.
• 1:11:16
  And what, what, what's interesting to me when you talk about friendships, and I don't know why, and obviously there's going to be exceptions to this.
• 1:11:24
  So if you're out there and you hear and say, well, that's not exactly me, you may be one of the very small exceptions.
• 1:11:29
  But if you take any three of us, us men, right?
• 1:11:32
  You take any man and you.
• 1:11:33
  Take three of us in this room,.
• 1:11:34
  Whatever.
• 1:11:34
  Yeah.
• 1:11:35
  If you take.
• 1:11:36
  You take a man and you transplant him in another state, in another country, across the world, within just a couple of weeks, he'll have a couple of buddies that he talks to.
• 1:11:45
  Within six months, he's gonna have a series of buddies that he goes and he has drinks with or plays pool with or goes on bike rides, whatever.
• 1:11:51
  You take a woman, stereotypically speaking, and you do the exact same thing, and it will take years for them to find one good, solid friend that they feel like they can trust.
• 1:12:01
  I don't know what the chemical makeup is.
• 1:12:04
  I remember having a situation up in Minnesota.
• 1:12:06
  I had these eight guys, and we hung out all the time.
• 1:12:09
  And I remember one time we were sitting around and I said something about like, yeah, my wife is just upset because she doesn't really have, you know, good, solid friends.
• 1:12:16
  And the guy saying that, he goes, my wife said the same thing this morning.
• 1:12:18
  And my wife said the same thing this morning.
• 1:12:20
  Like, all right, here's what we're going to do.
• 1:12:22
  Yeah, you were about to cross.
• 1:12:23
  Yeah.
• 1:12:24
  You were going to do it.
• 1:12:25
  Yeah.
• 1:12:25
  That's a recipe for disaster.
• 1:12:27
  So I said, let's do this.
• 1:12:29
  We're going to set these girls up to go out together.
• 1:12:32
  Right?
• 1:12:32
  So we lived.
• 1:12:33
  I came home and I said, hey, next Saturday, I'm watching the kids.
• 1:12:37
  You're going to go out with, you know, John's wife.
• 1:12:39
  You're gonna go and that kind of stuff.
• 1:12:40
  And so they.
• 1:12:42
  So she comes back after that, they were gone for like, five hours.
• 1:12:44
  She comes back and she said, we had so much fun.
• 1:12:47
  I'm like, right.
• 1:12:48
  Why are you so scared to go out with people?
• 1:12:51
  That's like, so I don't Know.
• 1:12:53
  What it is.
• 1:12:53
  But it went that way.
• 1:12:55
  Sometimes ladies come back, we hated each other.
• 1:12:57
  Let me tell you,.
• 1:12:58
  His wife is terrible.
• 1:12:59
  I don't like that person.
• 1:13:00
  I'm not sure if I feel comfortable around them.
• 1:13:02
  You know,.
• 1:13:02
  There's no perfect solution.
• 1:13:03
  But stereotypically speaking, that tends to be how it is.
• 1:13:07
  For some reason, men just seem to be easier at making buddies.
• 1:13:11
  But we also are not great at finding that one, like, confidant.
• 1:13:16
  Like, I'm not gonna give you all of me.
• 1:13:18
  I'll give you 80%.
• 1:13:19
  But this little 20 right here, you're never gonna get to this one until we've been together for like 20 years, right?
• 1:13:25
  Yeah.
• 1:13:25
  Or.
• 1:13:25
  We searched.
• 1:13:26
  It's the.
• 1:13:26
  Band of brothers mentality.
• 1:13:27
  If we haven't been through it, you're not getting into it.
• 1:13:29
  That's right.
• 1:13:30
  I'm weird in that category.
• 1:13:31
  I'm.
• 1:13:32
  Just tell you.
• 1:13:33
  Whatever you want to know.
• 1:13:33
  Well, there's, like I said, there's always exceptions.
• 1:13:35
  But I agree with that as far as, like, men and women go on.
• 1:13:40
  Generally speaking.
• 1:13:41
  Because you can even look at the opposite.
• 1:13:43
  Right?
• 1:13:44
  The.
• 1:13:45
  You and I have a.
• 1:13:45
  Disagreement, we could beat each other up and then go out and have dinner.
• 1:13:51
  Yeah,.
• 1:13:51
  Yeah.
• 1:13:52
  Like.
• 1:13:52
  And it can be.
• 1:13:53
  Like,.
• 1:13:53
  Dude, it.
• 1:13:54
  Can be like, I seriously hate you.
• 1:13:56
  And then I.
• 1:13:57
  We.
• 1:13:57
  We get into it and then it's like, you wanna go get some pie?
• 1:14:01
  Perkins is open.
• 1:14:03
  It really is.
• 1:14:04
  Do a thing.
• 1:14:05
  Girls.
• 1:14:05
  Have always been.
• 1:14:06
  Women have always been enamored by that.
• 1:14:08
  Like, how can you guys, like, want to beat the crap?
• 1:14:11
  It's gotta be.
• 1:14:12
  Like.
• 1:14:13
  Because.
• 1:14:14
  Just that.
• 1:14:15
  It's done.
• 1:14:16
  Whatever, you know,.
• 1:14:17
  I have a theory on that.
• 1:14:18
  Well, let's hear it.
• 1:14:19
  Okay, so have you guys.
• 1:14:20
  So there.
• 1:14:21
  There's a.
• 1:14:23
  What's it called?
• 1:14:23
  Oh, my gosh.
• 1:14:24
  A seminar.
• 1:14:24
  There's this guy named Mark Gunger and he goes around the country and he teaches this class called Laugh your way to a better marriage.
• 1:14:30
  Check out the book.
• 1:14:30
  Check out the seminar.
• 1:14:31
  It's.
• 1:14:31
  Phenomenal.
• 1:14:32
  Yeah.
• 1:14:33
  So you guys probably heard it if you haven't looked it up.
• 1:14:35
  Look up The Tale of Two Brains by Mark Gunger on.
• 1:14:38
  YouTube.
• 1:14:39
  It's one of the greatest.
• 1:14:40
  Life.
• 1:14:40
  And all comes down to.
• 1:14:42
  Men are segmented.
• 1:14:43
  We have boxes in our brain.
• 1:14:45
  We have a box for the car.
• 1:14:46
  We have a box for finances, a box for work.
• 1:14:48
  Which is why when we come home, we're done with work.
• 1:14:52
  Unless you have a job where you're like a creative or pastor or something, because you're never done.
• 1:14:55
  With.
• 1:14:56
  You try to close the Box.
• 1:14:57
  You try to close the box.
• 1:14:58
  But we also have this beautiful, wonderful, amazing box called the nothing box, where we can retreat to it whenever we want to.
• 1:15:04
  So when your man looks at you and says, I am not thinking about anything, he's not lying.
• 1:15:08
  He's not being avoided.
• 1:15:09
  He's genuinely not thinking about anything.
• 1:15:12
  Which is why.
• 1:15:13
  Yeah.
• 1:15:13
  When a woman comes and says, I don't know what to do about this, and he says, just put it out of your mind, he's saying, go to your nothing box, which women don't have because their brains are literally
• 1:15:21
  spaghetti noodles all tied in together.
• 1:15:24
  Which is why when you come home and you forgot to empty the trash, all of a sudden, now you're in trouble for the flat tire that she had three years ago that you never fixed and made her dad
• 1:15:32
  fix.
• 1:15:32
  And you're like, how did we get to like.
• 1:15:36
  Because everything's connected to everything, which is why they can't rest their brain.
• 1:15:40
  I think.
• 1:15:41
  I think it's important to point out, too, that the.
• 1:15:44
  The boxes.
• 1:15:45
  Right.
• 1:15:46
  Yep.
• 1:15:48
  If you open to it once, you might be able to put the divider back, but you might not.
• 1:15:54
  And then when you open one of those boxes, it's like, now you have all of that still.
• 1:16:00
  You have all of both of those boxes.
• 1:16:02
  But the thing with.
• 1:16:03
  With the whole wife comes home wanting to vent.
• 1:16:07
  Mm.
• 1:16:08
  Right.
• 1:16:10
  Ladies, start the conversation with, I don't want a solution, I just want to vent.
• 1:16:18
  Or.
• 1:16:18
  My wife and I, we do.
• 1:16:19
  Or.
• 1:16:19
  Yeah.
• 1:16:20
  Or be like,.
• 1:16:20
  Good for you.
• 1:16:21
  You're ahead.
• 1:16:21
  I need help trying to figure this out because we're going to open one of two boxes.
• 1:16:26
  The here's how you fix this box or the nothing box.
• 1:16:31
  Yes.
• 1:16:32
  Because the nothing box is going to allow me to take everything you just said in and not say anything back.
• 1:16:37
  Please.
• 1:16:39
  Most of us are not going to immediately think, let's wonder if which one this is.
• 1:16:45
  Right.
• 1:16:46
  We are just going to open a box.
• 1:16:48
  Yeah.
• 1:16:49
  That's how we are.
• 1:16:49
  We're not all connect.
• 1:16:50
  All the things aren't connected.
• 1:16:51
  So when you ladies are like, well, okay, is this.
• 1:16:54
  Do you.
• 1:16:55
  Do you want help fixing this, or do you want to know?
• 1:16:58
  You tell us when you're coming to us, because it's all we need.
• 1:17:03
  We just need to know.
• 1:17:04
  Yeah.
• 1:17:04
  My wife and I, you.
• 1:17:05
  Start with that.
• 1:17:06
  Long time.
• 1:17:07
  But I'm not going to ask.
• 1:17:08
  I'm not going to ask because I won't think to ask.
• 1:17:10
  Yeah.
• 1:17:11
  And we'll get down the conversation road, and I will have already opened a box, and I'M not opening both of those boxes because I don't want to dump anything in my nothing box.
• 1:17:17
  Yeah.
• 1:17:18
  The way we talk about it, it's like, hey, do you want to.
• 1:17:20
  Do you want me to talk to you about this, or do you want to just vent?
• 1:17:23
  Right.
• 1:17:23
  And I'll.
• 1:17:24
  Sometimes we'll.
• 1:17:25
  We'll pre.
• 1:17:25
  We'll do it.
• 1:17:26
  We'll come into the room.
• 1:17:27
  Hey, I just need you to let me just go right now, and this will.
• 1:17:30
  Okay.
• 1:17:30
  Get it all out.
• 1:17:31
  And it's.
• 1:17:32
  It's really great.
• 1:17:34
  I can't tell you how many times she'll go and go and go and go.
• 1:17:36
  And then all of a sudden, I'm like, all right.
• 1:17:38
  And I'll take a breath, like, hear him out to answer.
• 1:17:40
  She'll go, thank you for listening.
• 1:17:41
  I'm like, oh,.
• 1:17:42
  Man,.
• 1:17:42
  We're good.
• 1:17:43
  Okay.
• 1:17:43
  All right.
• 1:17:45
  Put the tools back in the box.
• 1:17:46
  I'll.
• 1:17:46
  Tell you what, with the guys brains, though, I will say this.
• 1:17:49
  Like, we do have different boxes.
• 1:17:51
  If you.
• 1:17:52
  You want to see a guy that gets really stressed out really quickly, it's when every single one of his boxes has stress in it.
• 1:17:57
  It's like, well, I want to go into my fishing box, and I was stressed.
• 1:18:00
  I want to go into this box.
• 1:18:01
  There's stress there, and he's sitting there in the middle.
• 1:18:03
  Like, everything's got stress.
• 1:18:05
  Yep.
• 1:18:05
  And that's.
• 1:18:06
  That's a stress box.
• 1:18:06
  It's like having a room full of cobwebs.
• 1:18:08
  Right.
• 1:18:08
  And you walk in.
• 1:18:10
  Everything's got stress in it.
• 1:18:11
  Even my nothing box.
• 1:18:12
  Why is everything stressful?
• 1:18:14
  Yeah.
• 1:18:15
  All right.
• 1:18:15
  Well.
• 1:18:16
  Yeah.
• 1:18:17
  Final thoughts,.
• 1:18:18
  Final thoughts.
• 1:18:19
  Let's wrap this thing up.
• 1:18:20
  We're talking about loneliness and friendship.
• 1:18:21
  Yep.
• 1:18:22
  I would say when it comes to loneliness, you know the answer.
• 1:18:25
  You just don't want to confront the answer.
• 1:18:26
  The answer is people.
• 1:18:27
  The answer is friends.
• 1:18:28
  The answer is opening up.
• 1:18:30
  It's just like, I feel sluggish, and I feel.
• 1:18:32
  Feel heavy, and I feel this go to.
• 1:18:34
  You have to wake up and you have to go to the gym.
• 1:18:36
  I don't want to go to the gym.
• 1:18:37
  Then you're gonna feel sluggish.
• 1:18:38
  So if you're not ready to get out of the muck, then don't talk about being in the muck.
• 1:18:43
  Yeah.
• 1:18:44
  It's good.
• 1:18:45
  Yeah.
• 1:18:46
  Relationships are so important.
• 1:18:48
  Yep.
• 1:18:49
  It's gonna.
• 1:18:49
  You're gonna need to be vulnerable.
• 1:18:50
  Yep.
• 1:18:51
  You could get hurt, but you could.
• 1:18:53
  Yep.
• 1:18:53
  It's gonna be the thing that's gonna help you more than you are going to admit that it's gonna help you.
• 1:18:57
  So let them in, let yourself out, let it happen.
• 1:19:02
  Yeah.
• 1:19:03
  It requires two things.
• 1:19:05
  One is one of my favorite things to talk about that Matt hates me talking about because I talk about it too much, according to him.
• 1:19:11
  And that's accountability.
• 1:19:11
  I.
• 1:19:12
  Knew it.
• 1:19:13
  And the other thing is, is the more important one to be honest.
• 1:19:16
  And that's intentionality.
• 1:19:18
  You got to be intentional.
• 1:19:19
  You can't, you can't maintain a friendship accidentally.
• 1:19:24
  It.
• 1:19:24
  Does not work that way.
• 1:19:26
  You can't just fall into friendship.
• 1:19:32
  That is deep.
• 1:19:33
  You can't do that.
• 1:19:34
  It takes intentional time together.
• 1:19:36
  It takes intentional.
• 1:19:37
  And it may not be all the time time.
• 1:19:39
  Right.
• 1:19:39
  But it does take intentional time together to build.
• 1:19:45
  So don't, don't just be arbitrary about it.
• 1:19:49
  Don't be like whatever, like actually plan it.
• 1:19:53
  Think about it.
• 1:19:54
  Think about the person.
• 1:19:55
  Call them.
• 1:19:56
  There's probably somebody you're thinking about right now that you want to reconnect with or connect with or whatever.
• 1:20:02
  Just call them, text them, do something.
• 1:20:05
  But it's been so long, it'll be weird.
• 1:20:08
  You.
• 1:20:08
  Got to be intentional because chances.
• 1:20:11
  Are it's been so long.
• 1:20:12
  Those people have probably thought the same thing about you at some point.
• 1:20:16
  Anyways.
• 1:20:18
  Yeah, it's been a, an interesting roller coaster ride of this topic.
• 1:20:24
  I.
• 1:20:25
  Think it went all over the way, all over the place.
• 1:20:26
  But I think it was all.
• 1:20:28
  Good.
• 1:20:28
  It was all in the topic.
• 1:20:30
  It's.
• 1:20:30
  It's all stuff that needs to be tackled with it.
• 1:20:32
  So.
• 1:20:33
  But loneliness is rough.
• 1:20:37
  Most of us know it.
• 1:20:38
  And yes, get out.
• 1:20:41
  Get a friend, Suck it up.
• 1:20:42
  But being so, so self centered.
• 1:20:45
  Yep.
• 1:20:46
  Yeah.
• 1:20:47
  Because you're our friend.
• 1:20:48
  I want you to hit that like button, share button.
• 1:20:50
  Make sure you're subscribed and sharing this with other people.
• 1:20:52
  Don't forget you can support the show on Patreon, at least even subscribe.
• 1:20:56
  So you get all the good news that's going on and you can be there for what's going to happen next.
• 1:21:01
  And that will be coming next week.
• 1:21:02
  So keep on the look for that.
• 1:21:04
  Yeah, well, actually I'm going to tell you what's, what's happening now.
• 1:21:07
  Like it's already started happening.
• 1:21:09
  What's that?
• 1:21:09
  And that is.
• 1:21:10
  We have a tick tock.
• 1:21:11
  Yeah,.
• 1:21:12
  We're.
• 1:21:12
  On Rumble.
• 1:21:13
  Rumble.
• 1:21:14
  We've got all of the, the.
• 1:21:17
  I didn't, I didn't sign up for X.
• 1:21:18
  But we've got.
• 1:21:19
  Instagram's going, we got.
• 1:21:21
  Facebook is going.
• 1:21:22
  We're all of the places.
• 1:21:23
  So go out there, find us, share us, whichever platform is your favorite.
• 1:21:28
  Yep.
• 1:21:29
  If.
• 1:21:30
  Everyone how much you love us.
• 1:21:31
  Yeah.
• 1:21:31
  Just, just go on there and throw some likes on, throw some shares like we're trying to get out.
• 1:21:35
  We just started on Tick tock.
• 1:21:37
  Yep.
• 1:21:37
  So if you're a TikTok person, God bless you.
• 1:21:41
  If.
• 1:21:41
  Somebody, if somebody spoke to you, share it with a friend.
• 1:21:44
  Yeah.
• 1:21:45
  Right.
• 1:21:46
  And.
• 1:21:46
  That will help deepen your bond.
• 1:21:47
  Yeah.
• 1:21:48
  It'll give you something to talk about with your friend or.
• 1:21:50
  Even share with an enemy.
• 1:21:51
  I'm cool with that too.
• 1:21:51
  So just, just share it.
• 1:21:54
  Right.
• 1:21:55
  If you guys have anything that you need, let us know.
• 1:21:58
  We will be more than happy to a pray with you guys or pray for you guys.
• 1:22:03
  But also like we have resources.
• 1:22:05
  We, we know people and we, we've been, we've been in organizations that help people for a long time.
• 1:22:13
  So reach out.
• 1:22:15
  If you need something, let us know.
• 1:22:17
  And if you can make happen, if.
• 1:22:18
  You have topic ideas, we're starting, we're starting to see some of those come through.
• 1:22:21
  So we.
• 1:22:21
  Really wanted to talk about what you wanted to talk about.
• 1:22:23
  Got a handful of them.
• 1:22:24
  I just need, I just need more.
• 1:22:26
  I need more people saying the things you guys.
• 1:22:29
  Give us, give us.
• 1:22:30
  More.
• 1:22:31
  That's right.
• 1:22:32
  So thanks for joining us today as always.
• 1:22:34
  We love you and God bless.
• 1:22:55
  Satan.
• 1:23:22
  Light in the law.
• 1:23:25
  What we see, clarity and chaos.