Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Some narcissists want you to CHASE after them

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Some narcissists want you to CHASE after them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on with people today?
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  We are talking about how some narcissistic people, some toxic
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  people, want you to chase after them if you're new here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So, yeah.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes, Yes, yes.
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  Some narcissistic people, some toxic people, absolutely want
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  you to chase after them. What do you mean, Chasely?
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  Like, how do we, like, physically Sprint after them?
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  Like, like you. Like, you mean like you're
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  chasing down a car, like you're running a marathon.
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  No. I mean, sometimes yes.
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  But most times what I mean chase after them is that some of them,
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  yeah, will make they play hard to get.
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  Even when you have gotten them even like when you're already
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  locked into a relationship with them, even when you're locked
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  into a marriage with them, even when you're locked into Co
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  parent with them, whatever it is they want you to chase after
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  them. Because a lot of narcissistic
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  people, most narcissists, want to feel like they matter in some
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  way, shape or form, right? So how do I, how do I, how do I
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  test your love for me? How do I do this?
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  How do I do that? Some of them will break up with
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  you on purpose, like some narcissistic people will break
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  up or offer you trial separations or say we need some
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  time apart or I need some space or something like that in order
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  to get a reaction from you. And typically, the reaction that
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  they're looking for is for you to pursue them.
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  They like pursue. Yeah.
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  Means physically come after them, but also emotionally chase
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  them, Like verbally chase them. They want you to be blowing
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  their phones up. They want you to call all times
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  tonight. They want you to pop up at their
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  house. They want you to look like you
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  want them. Because when, like, I'll say
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  this inside the mind of a lot of narcissistic people, like if you
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  chase me, that means that I I can get away with stuff.
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  If you are the one that is chasing after me, if you are the
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  one that is pursuing me, then I can get away with stuff.
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  I can free. I can get away with stuff.
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  I can move on. I I can move, You know, I can
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  move differently within the relationship or outside of the
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  relationship. It means if you're always
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  chasing me, if you're always picking the phone up, if you're
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  always texting me or calling me, doing a breakup, doing a trial
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  separation, that means that you still want me.
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  And that means, like, I can do certain things.
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  Can I not? You mean that means I can do
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  certain things. That means I can move forward.
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  That means I can, like progress and do what I want to do outside
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  or inside of this relationship from now on.
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  It's like if you're chasing me, I get to make the rules within
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  the relationship, don't I? Why?
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  Why'd you chase me? Why you text me back?
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  Why are you calling me all times tonight?
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  Why are you trying to see me? You know, if if I don't get to
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  make the rules, if I don't get to set the rules, then why are
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  you coming after me? You see how the minds of some
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  narcissistic people work and yo this is also true before you get
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  into a relationship with them. If you are the if you are the
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  pursuer, if you are the suitor, if you are the person that is
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  going after the narcissist or toxic person, you might not get
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  love bombed. Like if I am a covert,
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  introverted narcissist, right. And you come out.
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  You like me, you like oh, I like Lee.
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  I like those Reds. I like.
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  Whatever I like how he's funny or whatever, whatever you like
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  about me. You know I'm joking, but like
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  what? Like if you come after me, If
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  you are pursuing me, if you are showing me signs that you like
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  me even before we get together, even before, Like if you asking
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  me out. That means that I have a little
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  bit of free reign to do what I want to do.
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  I don't have to go as hard as I would if I was the pursuer.
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  If I'm chasing after you, if I'm love bombing you, you have to
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  woo me over because you like me, don't you?
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  You made it clear that you like me.
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  You made it clear. So now you have to chase me.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's the mindset that a lot of
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  narcissistic people talks to. People fall into.
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  Y'all. I'm not saying everybody does
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  this because sometimes, a lot of times, the narcissist ends up
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  being the one that comes after you, right?
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  They end up being the one that pursues you, right?
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  So that happens so much like, but you if you are the person
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  that is chasing them, then yeah, you probably won't get love
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  bombed you. Probably.
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  They probably won't. They probably won't come after
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  you like that. They probably won't do things
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  for you. You know, that's what I'm just
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  saying. Like if a narcissistic person,
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  especially y'all, if if they use, yeah, this is, this is
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  really true. If they are consistently and
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  like constantly using a breakup as a form of manipulation, like
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  if they are always, always threatening to break up with you
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  or leave you for some reason. This is, this is really going to
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  be true in a lot of those circumstances.
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  If they use a breakup as a tool of manipulation, like, well, I'm
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  just going to leave. I'm going to, I'm just going to
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  break up with you. And they break and sometimes
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  they do break up with you, but like the same day, y'all be
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  talking back together. Like that's how they use it to
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  control you. They use the breakups as a tool
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  to control you and to manipulate you, to get you to chase after
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  them, to get you to feel like you're not doing enough for them
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  to get you to change certain behaviors.
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  Because if you are chasing me, that means I'm OK, right?
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  That means I have minimal work to do.
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  That means I can convince you that you need to change
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  something about yourself if you want this relationship to work,
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  which I think you do because you are pursuing me.
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  You see that. You see that mentality.
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  You see how that mind works right there in that situation.
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  You. That's why I'm just telling
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  people like, if they can sit, if they're consistently, constantly
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  breaking up with you, they want you to chase them.
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  And some narcissistic people. Yeah.
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  Is it that I know a lot of people are going to ask, like,
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  is it really that deep? Do not do narcissists have that
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  deep a thought process? Most narcissists don't think
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  like this. They're just doing it.
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  It's like a subconscious thing, me because I'm self aware I
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  have, I have a different level of understanding of how my mind
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  works and why I would do certain things.
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  So I can convey that to you from a from a different place.
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  You know what I mean? I can convey that to you from a
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  different dynamic. I can convey that to you from a
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  like a different mindset and whatnot.
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  I can like I can convey that to you from my own personal
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  thoughts because I'm self aware and I have the ability to be
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  more introspective than most narcissistic people.
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  You know what I mean? It is not me saying I'm the most
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  introspective narcissist, I'm the most, I'm the most
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  introspective narcissist in the world.
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  This is me saying like I can. That's how I can communicate
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  this to you on a different plane right here because like most
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  narcissists can't do that. They they're not going to talk
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  to you in this way. They don't have that ability to
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  do that. So that's what I'm saying.
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  Like they they are consistently, constantly breaking up with you.
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  It might be time for you to end it for good.
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  I'm not. Like I say again, I'm not
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  telling everybody to leave their relationship.
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  That's why I say it might be time for you.
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  Like if you are getting tired of the back and forth and they keep
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  coming back and you or you are the one to reach out, you are
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  the 1 to pursue them, then yeah, they're going to make you.
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  You are responsible for making the changes that make the
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  relationship go. You are responsible for the
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  making the changes that make the relationship kind of the wheels
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  turn on the relationship, so to speak.
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  You are. So that's why I'm just telling
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  people like if this is a a constant in your life like the
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  breaking up the on and off, on and off, on and off.
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  And they are deeply and they keep breaking up with you.
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  And the reason that y'all go off so much is because they break up
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  with you or they threaten to break up with you.
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  And the reason that y'all go on is because you reach out to
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  them. Then you are pretty much like
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  reverse hoovering. You know, you're you're pretty
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  much reverse. You're pretty pretty much
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  reverse hoovering yourself. And if you don't know what the
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  reverse Hoover is, it's when you, the victim, survive or
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  thriver or not, you suck yourself back into the
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  relationship. You reach out to them like you
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  are the one, like they break up. They go damn near radio silent
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  on your right, and then you miss them and then you reach out to
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  them, you reach out to them and then you suck yourself back into
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  the relationship. And when you do that, you pretty
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  much like if it's a if it's a game, you lose.
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  You know what I mean? If this is going to be viewed as
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  a game in some way, shape or form, then you lose this.
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  You're going to lose this game nine times out of 10.
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  So it's just like how much struggle do you have in you?
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  How much suffering do you have in you?
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  Because dealing with a narcissistic person, you're
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  going to struggle. You're going to suffer and like
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  if y'all consistently breaking up, they want you to chase after
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  them because like and again y'all sometimes they want you to
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  chase after them just so they can have evidence that you are
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  the chaser They can have. Like they can get your reactions
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  on camera, they can get you crying and begging for them.
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  Like if you if I get a recording of you crying and begging for me
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  back in your life, then I win. Don't know, you know, if I get a
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  recording, a recording or instance of you crying and
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  begging me to come back, then don't.
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  I win. I have this evidence now I can,
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  I can damn there blackmail you with this.
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  You see how that coercive control works right there?
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  Y'all like just stay strong. That's what I'm just saying,
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  like this video, just telling y'all that if you see yourself
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  in the position of the person I'm referring to, like the
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  chaser, you have to find some strength.
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  Because if you don't, I'm just telling you this goes on for as
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  long as you're allowed to go on and then you keep chasing them
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  and they get into a new relationship.
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  You're like, yeah, you'll literally chase them into a new
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  relationship. Like you chase after them.
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  Like you'll you'll be behind them trying to get them to come
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  back and be in a new be in a relationship with you.
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  While they're in a relationship with somebody else, you'll still
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  be chasing after them. Like you'll be the old supply
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  that they can go back to and cheat with and what not.
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  You'll be the backup person. Don't be the backup person
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  because sometimes that's why they want you to chase them.
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  Because the more you chase me after we break up, the more I
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  know I can move on and still have a backup plan.
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  If I'm entertaining someone else and you're still reaching out to
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  me, I you are now my backup plan.
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  You say I can. I I think that I can move
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  forward with somebody else and you'll still be there for me.
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  You'll still be there with me and whatnot.
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  You know, be with y'all. Thank you for tuning in to
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  another episode. I'm getting my voice back slowly
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  but surely. Like and like.
• 11:25
  Subscribe to the channel if you haven't already.
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  Y'all, we're closing in on 400 Ki seriously appreciate every
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  single one of y'all. This is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 11:39
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 11:41
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 11:43
  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
• 11:46
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• 11:49
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• 11:51
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• 11:53
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 11:54
  video. Peace.