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Transcript

Murdered by Birds · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You know what they call a group of crows in
• 0:08
  Noir City. We call it pretty freaking ominous. Get out
• 0:14
  of here, you dang birds. I'd been working the long
• 0:19
  hours ever since my now infamous investigation into the untimely
• 0:23
  death of Barbara Stare. I had no idea at the
• 0:25
  time where that staircase would lead, but I pulled the
• 0:28
  string intil the whole house of cards came unglued. The
• 0:31
  Mayor of Noir City was forced to resign after I
• 0:34
  uncovered his dirty little secret, and his deputy mayor, a
• 0:37
  man named Matt Maynard, took over. I knew Mayor Maynard
• 0:40
  may Or may not care that I was directly indirectly
• 0:42
  responsible for his predecessor's pr problems and premature departure from politics,
• 0:47
  But just to be safe, I decided to keep a
• 0:49
  low profile. I'd been walking on tiptoes, on eggshells, on
• 0:53
  pins and needles on thin ice, trying not to rock
• 0:55
  the boat. But trouble was like a clinging X with
• 0:58
  too much time on their hands. Matter where I go,
• 1:01
  it always seems to follow me. It was a night
• 1:05
  just like any other. When I caught the call to
• 1:06
  Central Park. Time ticked forward. People went about their daily lives,
• 1:11
  oblivious to the horrors lurking beneath the quilted douvet covers
• 1:14
  of society. The sun hung ever present in the sky,
• 1:17
  baking us all like human pop tarts. Oh wait, it
• 1:20
  wasn't night at all. It was day, and it wasn't
• 1:23
  a day just like any other, because this day was
• 1:26
  full of murder, bird murder, burder. Detective Rich Detective NCPD,
• 1:36
  What do we have here?
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Good morning, detective. I thought you were working the night shift.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I'm pulling over time. I was about to clock out
• 1:42
  when I heard about a body in the park. How
• 1:44
  am I supposed to get any sleep when there might
• 1:46
  be a killer in my city. Well, it's good to
• 1:47
  see you again. Sorry, it's been a long night. Do
• 1:50
  I know you? I'm frank, he sure was. The guy
• 1:54
  wouldn't even tell me his name.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: No matter.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: We had more pressing issues, like the body of the
• 1:58
  murder victim on the ground in front of us, or
• 2:00
  at least what was left of it. Looked like someone
• 2:04
  or something had picked the bones clean. What happened here?
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: We're still trying to piece it together, it being the
• 2:11
  skeletal remains. As I'm sure you know, there are two
• 2:13
  hundred and six bones in the human body, not counting teeth.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Of course, I'm a detective. It's my job to know
• 2:19
  these things.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: So far we're up to one hundred and fourteen.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: What could have scattered all the bits like this explosion
• 2:25
  lawnmower accident? Please tell me this isn't another outbreak of
• 2:28
  dance fever.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Dance fever antigen tests came back negative. Judging from the
• 2:32
  beak marks on these bones, I'd say the body was
• 2:35
  torn to pieces by some sort of avian creature, likely corvid.
• 2:39
  Either one bird bit the victim a few thousand times,
• 2:41
  or thousands of birds bit the victim a few times each,
• 2:44
  or somewhere in between.
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: But birds don't bite people.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: They don't murder either, and they certainly don't peck a
• 2:50
  random person to death. This was a crime of passion,
• 2:53
  and mark my words, I will find the pecker responsible.
• 2:56
  Speaker 5: I'll bet Kromsovon works up quite a bit an apotoide
• 2:58
  on here have some wings?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Excuse me? Who are you?
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: The name Saw Slaughter, owner and sole employee of Slaughter's
• 3:05
  butcher shop. If you got a hanker from me, Slaughters
• 3:08
  can't be beat.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: How did you get past the police tape.
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: It wasn't hard. I just ducked right under it. You
• 3:13
  look famished. Here, take this turkey leg.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: The only thing I'm hungry for is justice. Now, explain
• 3:17
  what you're doing at my crime scenes.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Saw, Oh, that's our fault. We hired Saul to cater
• 3:22
  the investigation. The CSI saw all these bones and we
• 3:24
  started craving barbecue.
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: Say, Frank, would you care for one of my signatures? Slaughter,
• 3:28
  sloppy sandwiches?
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Do we really need to be taking a working lunch?
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: Hey, killers, don't take a lunch break. We can't afford
• 3:35
  to either. All was swawberries sandwich is amazing.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: You didn't even wash your hands.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Oh oh, I almost forgot. We found the victim's cell phone.
• 3:46
  It's locked with a six digit alphanumeric pin code. We'll
• 3:49
  send it to the lab, but it might take some
• 3:50
  time to crack it.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Here, let me see, hmmm, six digits letters and numbers.
• 3:55
  That's thirty six to the sixth power, two billion, one
• 3:59
  and seventy six million, seven eighty three hundred and thirty
• 4:02
  six valid combinations. All right, let's get started. Why don't
• 4:04
  we try zero zero zero zero zero zero, Okay, invalid
• 4:09
  pin zero zero zero zero zero one invalid pin. That's
• 4:13
  what I was afraid of. How about zero zero zero
• 4:15
  zero zero two?
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: That was it? Talk about luck? Okay, So, according to
• 4:20
  the call history, the last number our victim contacted belongs
• 4:23
  to the local office of Morphometric Ornithology. The last number
• 4:26
  belongs to what I just said, that part the Office
• 4:29
  of Morphometric Ornithology. Are your ears? Okay? Do I need
• 4:32
  to call an audiologist? According to his tender profile, our
• 4:36
  victim is one Daryl Deadman, doctor Darryl Deadman, six foot
• 4:40
  one inch, professional bird scientist pisces no hookups, please open
• 4:45
  to the idea of a long term relationship if he
• 4:47
  finds the right one. Well that's not gonna happen. Daryl
• 4:50
  with three picks in your profile of you posing with
• 4:52
  the fish you caught.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Also, he's dead.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: You really are, frank, aren't you listen? I'm gonna head
• 4:57
  over to the Office of Ornithological Research and see if
• 4:59
  I can find any information on doctor Deadman. You contact
• 5:02
  his next of kin. I'd do it myself, but it's
• 5:04
  really sad and I don't want to. Oh and remember
• 5:07
  ix Nay on the Erder Bay. The last thing we
• 5:10
  need is a public freak out or some kind of
• 5:12
  corvid cold war.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I understand historically humans have lost every single war they've
• 5:16
  waged against bird kind. What should I tell his family?
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Tell them he died doing what he loved bird stuff.
• 5:24
  I could feel a surge of adrenaline in my bloodstream.
• 5:27
  I was on the hunt once again, but the hours
• 5:29
  were catching up with me and I needed some go juice.
• 5:31
  The swill they called coffee down at the station wasn't
• 5:34
  going to cut it, so I stopped by my usual
• 5:36
  all service for caffeination joint, The Chopping Grind, the best
• 5:39
  cafe slash barber shop in all of Noir City. I
• 5:42
  dropped in for the detective special, a hot coffee and
• 5:45
  a close shave. Lucky for me, it was a quiet morning.
• 5:48
  I was the only customer there, and my favorite Barbarisa Teresa,
• 5:52
  looked happy to see me. I had a blade against
• 5:55
  my neck. When Big Trouble walked in. Big guys with
• 5:58
  big muscles. I'd seen their type plenty of times before.
• 6:02
  I call them pandas. They look scary but wouldn't be
• 6:05
  too hard to take one out. Bush came to shove still.
• 6:09
  I couldn't help. But notice that these pandas were packing heat.
• 6:12
  They may have been smiling, but the guns on their
• 6:14
  hips were telling anybody who listened that they meant business. And,
• 6:17
  like Shakira used to say, the hips don't lie. You
• 6:21
  boys here for a cut or a cup. Either way,
• 6:23
  you'll need to get in line. When the boss walked in,
• 6:27
  the two goons parted like it was nineteen ninety nine.
• 6:30
  Speaker 6: I'm afraid we're not here for the patronage, miss Detective.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: We're here for you, Teresa. Would you be so kind
• 6:37
  as to give me a moment alone with these guests? No,
• 6:40
  don't say anything. If you do, we'll have to hire
• 6:42
  a whole other voice actor. Why don't you go pick
• 6:44
  out a bottle of good vintage coffee from down in
• 6:46
  the coffee cellar. Thanks a million. I didn't wake up
• 6:52
  yesterday looking for trouble, but whenever trouble sends me an invite,
• 6:55
  I always RSVP plus one say hello to my little friend.
• 7:01
  I call him Gunther.
• 7:03
  Speaker 7: Your reputation precedes you, Detective, put your weapon away, or
• 7:08
  the sniper I have stationed on the roof of the
• 7:10
  building across the street might start to get nervous.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Ha I could smell your sniper coming from a mile away.
• 7:19
  That's why I hired my own sniper, who is currently
• 7:21
  on the roof of the slightly larger building behind your sniper.
• 7:24
  Speaker 6: Hmmm, very clever, except for one thing. I don't really
• 7:29
  have a sniper. I was bluffing.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: How hilarious, so was I?
• 7:34
  Speaker 6: Aha, I was only bluffing about bluffing. I really do
• 7:38
  have a sniper.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Dang, all right, you got me. I'll put Gunther away
• 7:43
  for now, but know this, if you kill me, I'll
• 7:47
  haunt you so hard you'll wish you were dead. But
• 7:49
  then when you do actually die, I'll be waiting for
• 7:52
  you on the other side with Gunther.
• 7:55
  Speaker 8: A noted.
• 7:57
  Speaker 6: Now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of the way,
• 8:00
  let's move on to introductions. These men are my hired muscles,
• 8:05
  Goon one and Goon two. The sniper across the street is.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Bob, and I'm I know who you are. I read
• 8:14
  the papers. Your BT dubs local billionaire and captain of industry.
• 8:19
  Your businesses include casinos, coal, cryptocurrency, and soda pop. Your
• 8:23
  dirty fingers are in more dirty pies than a fractal Jack. Horner.
• 8:28
  Speaker 6: Fractal Jack was my nickname in college.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: What's a tycoon like you doing in a place like this?
• 8:35
  Speaker 6: I need your help, Dick. We tried your apartment first,
• 8:38
  but your landlord said you were evicted.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: My landlord's a liar.
• 8:43
  Speaker 6: Financial trouble, weight gain, political pressure from a corrupt.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Mayor weight gain.
• 8:51
  Speaker 6: I think we may be able to help one another.
• 8:53
  My double decker limo copter is part right outside. Come
• 8:57
  with me and I'll explain everything on the way to
• 9:00
  my yacht mansion. And don't worry, we'll pay for your
• 9:03
  shave gooing. One need some cash, a couple of thousands,
• 9:07
  and they'll cover it.
• 9:09
  Speaker 8: Right.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that'll probably suffice. But I'm still covered in
• 9:13
  shaving cream.
• 9:14
  Speaker 8: I don't worry.
• 9:16
  Speaker 6: There's a shower in the limocpter.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: As much as I hated to admit it, BT was
• 9:21
  right about one thing. When it came to housing. I
• 9:24
  was in one dilly of a pickle. I'm not one
• 9:26
  to feel sorry for myself, but when you lose your
• 9:28
  home because the new mayor offers your landlord triple the
• 9:30
  rent for your apartment so he can use it for
• 9:32
  campaign signed storage, it's kind of hard not to take
• 9:35
  that personally. But what BT couldn't see was that to me?
• 9:39
  Being down and out with my bread and butter. I
• 9:41
  didn't need his help. I'm like a cat. I always
• 9:44
  land on my feet and I rarely trust people. Still,
• 9:48
  my mother always taught me to never turn down a
• 9:50
  free shower.
• 9:52
  Speaker 9: M hm.
• 9:54
  Speaker 6: I want to offer you a job, missdetective. It's about
• 9:58
  my son, Paul, who so tragically passed away a couple
• 10:02
  of weeks ago.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Sorry for your loss. Could you pass me the soap.
• 10:06
  Speaker 6: Here you go. In exchange for your help, I might
• 10:10
  be able to make your mayor, Maynard Mass be no more.
• 10:13
  I have a lot of pull in this town.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I read the rags. I know what happened to your son.
• 10:19
  But Paul's death wasn't a murder. He died of natural causes,
• 10:22
  crushed under a piano on a cruise ship in the
• 10:24
  Bermuda Triangle. Everybody knows these things happen.
• 10:27
  Speaker 6: Shampoo right above you. It's not his death. I want
• 10:31
  you to investigate. Someone stole his corpse dug it up
• 10:36
  the day after his funeral. I want you to find
• 10:39
  out who did this. I've already looked into the matter,
• 10:43
  and I've learned that someone had been stealing bodies from
• 10:46
  the graveyard for some time now, but nobody can identify
• 10:50
  the culprit. They say the man wears a suit of
• 10:53
  armor and he only ever appears after dark. The locals
• 10:58
  are calling him the night Night.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, BT, but I'm on a case right now,
• 11:03
  and as we all know, police are only allowed to
• 11:05
  follow one case at a time. I can't be looking
• 11:07
  around the crypt for your CRYPTOCRYPTID and do my day job.
• 11:10
  Han me that Robert ducky Mmm, here you are.
• 11:14
  Speaker 6: I understand your hesitance to take on such a job
• 11:17
  all by yourself, which is why I've hired another private
• 11:21
  investigator to lighten the burden. Say hello to your partner.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: Hello, detective what.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: D D Dardar? I thought you were behind bars?
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: No, I'm not d D. I'm her sister, CC Scarsgard.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Doctor Dardar had another identical daughter.
• 11:42
  Speaker 6: Indeed, I'll leave the two of you alone in this
• 11:45
  shower to get more acquainted.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Excuse me, ceci, my eyes are up here.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: Sorry, I couldn't stop staring at your half shaven face.
• 11:59
  Did you mean for it to look that way?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Got interrupted by your boss mid shave. Hand me a towel,
• 12:04
  would you I wouldn't want to make mister Scarsguard jealous.
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: Oh he won't be. Mister Scarsguard was murdered by an
• 12:11
  unknown assailant while I was away at the annual Alibi Convention.
• 12:15
  I have gas and hotel receipts to prove it. Here's
• 12:18
  your towel.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Thanks so sorry for your loss.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm going to do with my
• 12:23
  husband gone. I'm all alone in this world with nothing
• 12:27
  but my generous insurance payout to keep me warm. Hmm,
• 12:32
  It's too bad there isn't a big, strong, half shaven
• 12:36
  man out there to come and sweep me off my
• 12:39
  feet and take me away from this dreadfully boring life
• 12:42
  of hunting down grave robbers for billionaires.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you'll find love, Ceci. There's someone out there
• 12:49
  for everyone.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: Oh really, is there someone out there for you?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Cut the cutesyact, Cupcake. If we're gonna work together, we
• 12:57
  need to ignore this obvious animalistic attraction between.
• 13:01
  Speaker 6: Oh good, you've decided to work with us. Such great news.
• 13:04
  I'm sorry to cut our encounter short, but it would
• 13:05
  appear our limo copter is being.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: Attacked attacked by who, not whom?
• 13:10
  Speaker 6: But what a giant flock of crows is trying to
• 13:13
  run us off the sky.
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: You mean we're under attack by a swarm.
• 13:17
  Speaker 6: Of crows, Yes, a irregular consortium of crows.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Well, then where did this herd of crows come from?
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: All I know is that the bouquet of crows is
• 13:27
  trying to kill us. All here, take these parachutes. I'll
• 13:31
  have goon to man the eastern turrets that ought to
• 13:33
  distract this parliament of crows while you sneak out the
• 13:36
  escape patch.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: All but I wanted to see the open.
• 13:39
  Speaker 6: We're right above the Office of Morphometric Ornithology. Now go
• 13:43
  before our listeners have time to overthink this incredibly convoluted scenario.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Got it, I'll catch you later. As we floated to
• 13:56
  the ground, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of
• 13:58
  alliance I formed? Was every bit as beautiful as her
• 14:01
  sister was she just as equally devious. Only time would tell. Wow,
• 14:07
  that was a close one.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Impressive parachuting, Dick.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Thanks, I was top of my creative falling class at
• 14:13
  Police Academy.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: It's been fun getting to know you. But this is
• 14:16
  where we must part ways. I've got a grave robber
• 14:20
  to catch and You're probably going to need to get
• 14:22
  back to your day job, considering the office of morphilmetric
• 14:26
  Ornithology is currently on fire.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Oh so it is. I was wondering where all that
• 14:33
  smoke was coming from. Be sure to call me if
• 14:35
  you find anything. Don't try to take this guy out
• 14:38
  on your own. Understand, I'm a big girl.
• 14:40
  Speaker 4: I can handle myself. I'll see you at the end
• 14:43
  of the story.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Looking forward to it.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: Detective Hi, I thought I might find you here.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, hello you.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: It's Frank Frank quietly.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew that.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: What's going on here, Frank, somebody set fire to the building.
• 15:00
  Looks like arson. Any clues we may have gotten as
• 15:02
  to what kind of research doctor Deadman was looking into
• 15:04
  are officially lost.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Then I guess we're back at square one.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: Fellow detective, fancy a fresh link of slaughter, spicy sausage?
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: You again.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Sorry, We've been pulling charred bodies out all morning, and
• 15:15
  they look and smell delicious. It really put us in
• 15:18
  the mood for more barbecue.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Holy cow, people died in the fire.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Oh excuse me, I realize how that sounded now. No,
• 15:25
  nobody died. The building housed the world's largest collection of
• 15:28
  taxidermy birds, and now that collection is extra crispy.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: Perhaps a delicious bacon wrapped lamb kebab to wet your appetite.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Dang it, Saul, I don't want any of your weird meats.
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: Okay, I can take a hint. What about you, Frank?
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I'd love a frank.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Any witnesses, No.
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: No witnesses. Unfortunately, the whole building was empty on account
• 15:50
  of National Bird Day, But as luck would have it,
• 15:52
  there was a delivery for doctor Deadman sitting in the
• 15:55
  unburned mailbox.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Great, what is it?
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: It's a receptacle for letters, parcels and packages. But that's
• 16:00
  not important right now. Doctor Deadman had ordered a toxicology
• 16:04
  report for a sample of local crows. He suspected they
• 16:07
  may have been poisoned due to their erratic behavior, but
• 16:09
  it turns out they were completely drug free.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Fascinating. I should get to the Morgan talk to the coroner.
• 16:15
  Good thing.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: The morgue is right across the street.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're right there, it is. Wow, how convenient, detective?
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: Do you mind if I ask you a question?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Is this about my half shaved beard?
• 16:25
  Speaker 10: Oh?
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: I hadn't even noticed. I was too distracted by the
• 16:28
  fact that you are completely naked right now.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd just gotten out of a helicopter shower and
• 16:33
  didn't have time to redress.
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I have a spare set of clothes in my
• 16:36
  car if you wanted to borrow them.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Oh um, yeah, I might as well. Thanks. The case,
• 16:44
  much like the Bird Science building inferno, was heating up.
• 16:48
  Whatever Deadman was looking into had gotten him killed, and
• 16:50
  the killer wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty. I
• 16:53
  barely had time to finish this monologue before I made
• 16:55
  it to the morgue, Doctor Morgan.
• 16:57
  Speaker 11: Jordan Richard, see you what brings you into the morgue
• 17:02
  this morning.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: I'm working the Deadman murder. Have you found anything interesting
• 17:05
  with the bones?
• 17:06
  Speaker 11: In addition to the break bites, all of the body
• 17:09
  dead Man had cracked cranium, torn tarsis, scratched scapula, punctured helvis,
• 17:14
  makeled mandible, and at least one cavity in his teeth.
• 17:18
  All the injuries are consistent with the theory of a
• 17:20
  cronado cut.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: The mumbo jumbo morph Jargon. Jordan, shoot straight with me.
• 17:24
  Was this a murder?
• 17:26
  Speaker 11: I'd say he died of unnatural causes, but without any
• 17:29
  meat or blood left to test, there's very little we
• 17:31
  can do. However, I did discover something interesting. If you
• 17:35
  take the armbone here and the leg bone here, and
• 17:39
  you tap them together.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Against the ribs like so, that is humorous.
• 17:46
  Speaker 11: No, this one's actually the femur common mistake.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: As long as I have you here, do you mind
• 17:50
  if I ask some questions about another case I'm working?
• 17:53
  Do you remember Paul Dubbs. He should have come through
• 17:56
  here a couple weeks ago.
• 17:57
  Speaker 11: Dubbs. Yeah, but I wasn't a murderer. He died of
• 18:01
  a broken heart. It got squished under the piano, along
• 18:04
  with all of his other organs.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I got him right here, his organs.
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 18:09
  Speaker 11: I collect organs for science. I keep them all over
• 18:12
  here in the pull up drawer. Huh, that's funny. My
• 18:18
  organ draw is empty.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Your organ drawer.
• 18:20
  Speaker 11: It was regular Smorges organs, for sure. We had big organs,
• 18:24
  short organs, organs from orphans. Now there's no more organs
• 18:27
  in the morgue.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Can you pull up the security tapes for the last week.
• 18:30
  Speaker 11: Sure, as you can see, I've got my computer right here.
• 18:34
  Tipity tap, Oh my goodness, is that yes?
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It's exactly what I expected.
• 18:39
  Speaker 11: What does it mean?
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: It means we've got ourselves a case of grand theft?
• 18:43
  Organ pause the video right there? Do you see what
• 18:46
  I see?
• 18:47
  Speaker 8: Wow?
• 18:48
  Speaker 11: That is such a visually striking image.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I know, right quite the tableau vivant if I do
• 18:52
  say so myself. The way the lighting glistens off the
• 18:55
  moist organs, it almost looks like art.
• 18:57
  Speaker 11: I wouldn't even know where it begins to describing the scene.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Anyway, we can both see what we're looking at, so
• 19:03
  there's no point in continuing to talk about it. I
• 19:05
  better go now, Okay.
• 19:06
  Speaker 11: Bye, don't be a stranger.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Knock knock, Chief, What are you doing here?
• 19:13
  Speaker 12: Some guns parachuted down to the police station to drop
• 19:16
  off your gun and cell phone. I heard from Frank
• 19:19
  that you were here at the morgue, so I thought
• 19:20
  i'd come by and deliver them to you.
• 19:23
  Speaker 6: Gun.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Thir there you are, did you miss me?
• 19:25
  Speaker 11: Chief? Would you like to take a look at this
• 19:28
  incredible security tip we just uncovered.
• 19:30
  Speaker 12: Wood that I could, but alas I am blind, perhaps
• 19:35
  you can describe.
• 19:36
  Speaker 10: It to me.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: The footage shows a man down head to toe in
• 19:39
  medieval style body armor, breaking into the Morgue, stealing spare
• 19:42
  body parts and stuffing them into a satchel. If you
• 19:44
  look closely, you'll see a rombicue boctahedron sticker on the
• 19:47
  shoulder of the suit of armor.
• 19:49
  Speaker 12: I know what that is, of course you do.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Everyone knows what a romaicue boctahedron is.
• 19:54
  Speaker 12: That's quite fascinating, but if it doesn't have anything to
• 19:57
  do with the crow case, you should forget it it.
• 20:00
  The mayor's been breathing down my neck all morning. He
• 20:03
  wants to run his re election campaign on a promise
• 20:06
  of no more skeletons, and this dead man death has
• 20:10
  thrown a wrench into those plans. He insists, we get
• 20:13
  this murder solved yesterday, but we.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: Just found the body today, and last time I checked,
• 20:19
  traveling to the past is illegal.
• 20:21
  Speaker 12: I'm telling you this for your own good. Focus on
• 20:24
  the murder. Kick the body thief over to MMU.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: You mean the Morbid Misdemeanors Unit, But chief that department
• 20:31
  is a total joke. They haven't solved a case since
• 20:33
  the Christmas Crampis Caper of sixty nine, and that was
• 20:35
  only because the elves narked.
• 20:37
  Speaker 12: It's funny, you should bring that up. You see, Gunther
• 20:40
  wasn't the only reason I came down here. I also
• 20:43
  wanted to give you a warning, face to face, man
• 20:46
  to man, I met with Matt at the Mayor's manor
• 20:49
  on Mansion Row. Mayor Maynard asked me to move you
• 20:51
  off murders and make you manager of morbid misdemeanors.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: But I can't work MMU. That's a huge motion, and
• 20:57
  those guys down there are so weird, and he's just
• 21:00
  trying to get back at me from getting his friend fired.
• 21:02
  Speaker 12: I told him I needed you to stay in homicide,
• 21:05
  but he was insistent. We reached a compromise. If you
• 21:08
  can crack the killer Crow case, he'll concede this quest
• 21:11
  to crush your career. No pressure.
• 21:13
  Speaker 9: Though.
• 21:13
  Speaker 11: Wait a second, if you're blind, how did you get
• 21:17
  all the way here from the police station. Surely you
• 21:20
  don't drive.
• 21:20
  Speaker 13: Of course not.
• 21:21
  Speaker 12: I rode my bike and don't call me Shirley.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: But I'd love to stay in chat, but I've got
• 21:27
  a murder to solve. I hit the bricks to see
• 21:30
  if any of the regular suspects knew anything about Doctor
• 21:32
  Deadman's untimely demise. My criminal informants were always good for
• 21:36
  telling me what the word was on the street, and
• 21:37
  it turned out bird was the word. But Morgan Jordan's
• 21:41
  organ drawer wasn't the only thing coming up empty. Nobody
• 21:44
  knew who was responsible for the sudden spike and crow crime.
• 21:47
  I was at a dead end when I got a
• 21:49
  nudge in an unexpected direction. This is Richard Detective. Detective
• 21:55
  Richard Detective. Hello, Dick ceci to what do I owe
• 21:58
  the pleasure?
• 21:59
  Speaker 10: I've found a lead in the dub case. The rahmba
• 22:03
  cuboctahedron is the logo of a band called Tholonious Funk,
• 22:08
  who made their debut performance the last week at the
• 22:10
  Act Break Bar. Someone stole the band's air guitar and
• 22:15
  they haven't been able to play ever since, which means
• 22:18
  whoever got that sticker on the night Night's Armor was
• 22:22
  there the night the band played.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: How did you know about the ramba cueboctahedron?
• 22:27
  Speaker 10: I have my ways. I also have friends at the
• 22:30
  Act Break Bar. Tell the bartender that Cci Sincha. I'd
• 22:34
  go there myself, but I'm currently trapped inside a werewolf den.
• 22:39
  Don't ask. It's a long story.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Thanks for the tip and good luck. With the werewolves.
• 22:47
  The Act Break bar was the kind of dive where
• 22:49
  low LIFs and criminals go to blow off steam, but
• 22:51
  it had its own code of conduct. It was only
• 22:54
  a dangerous place if you were a cop. Unfortunately for me,
• 22:57
  I was a cop, which is precise why I knew
• 23:00
  exactly where to find the Act Break right after this
• 23:03
  word from our sponsors.
• 23:09
  Speaker 14: Did you alienate your entire family, drove all your friends
• 23:11
  away with your intolerable behavior? Find that even casual acquaintances
• 23:15
  can't stand to be around you for more than a
• 23:17
  few minutes. Well, who better to put up with you
• 23:19
  than you? With one quick call to Clone of my Own,
• 23:22
  you can relieve your solitude. But the companion who will
• 23:25
  never leave you because they are you your clone, won't
• 23:28
  just share your DNA either. They owe their entire existence
• 23:31
  to your consumerist whims. After being locked in the basement
• 23:34
  all day, they'll be thrilled to hear you come home.
• 23:37
  Money doesn't buy that kind of gratitude except here at
• 23:40
  Clone of my Own. And don't worry if you start
• 23:43
  to find yourself as tedious as everyone else does, you
• 23:45
  can purchase our quiet clone ballgag and keep your clone
• 23:48
  around for tedious household chores. So remember we're the clone
• 23:53
  of your own.
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: You'll never be alone. We're alone or two oh three.
• 24:02
  You'll know.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Bartender where no I was talking about you? You are
• 24:13
  the bartender here at the act break bar. Are you not?
• 24:15
  Speaker 13: Oh sorry, I misunderstood you.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: The name's Dick.
• 24:19
  Speaker 13: Hi, Dick, I'm bar.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for some information about a man who came
• 24:24
  through this away not too long ago. About ya Hi
• 24:26
  smelled of dead bodies covered head to toe in a
• 24:29
  suit of armor.
• 24:30
  Speaker 15: Sorry, Bud, I can't help you. I think i'd remember
• 24:33
  something like that.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: That's too bad. My friend Ceci Scarsguard seemed to think
• 24:37
  you'd be able to help.
• 24:39
  Speaker 13: How do you know, Cec I have.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Some history with her sister? I guess you could say
• 24:44
  I have sistery Cecy Scarsguard has a sister, indeed, deedy Dardar.
• 24:49
  Speaker 13: Listen.
• 24:50
  Speaker 15: I love to help, but I'm on the clock. So
• 24:52
  if you want to talk, you'll need to order something.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: You know how to make up bloody Mary.
• 24:57
  Speaker 13: Poppins vaka to made a juice and Bubba Gumpy.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: That's the ticket. Give me one and make it extra bloody.
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: Here you go.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Thanks, Now about this night night.
• 25:08
  Speaker 13: I told you already I don't know anything about that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: The guy was playing hardball, but I knew what he
• 25:14
  was getting at. I slapped a twenty on the table
• 25:16
  and slid it over. Maybe this might jog your memory.
• 25:20
  Speaker 15: Oh h, thanks, but that's not going to change the
• 25:23
  fact that I literally don't know anything.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: This clearly wasn't his first rodeo. I slapped another twenty down.
• 25:29
  Maybe you could try and think a little harder.
• 25:32
  Speaker 15: WHOA, that's a lot of money, but I'm telling you
• 25:35
  I don't have any needs.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: This was taking too long. I needed to get to
• 25:38
  the bottom of it fast, so I slapped a fifty
• 25:41
  on top.
• 25:42
  Speaker 15: Dude, I'm not being coyed. Keep your money. I don't
• 25:46
  know anything.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: It was time for the big guns. I slapped a
• 25:49
  seventy five dollars bill onto the stack.
• 25:51
  Speaker 13: All right, that's much better. You know what I just remembered.
• 25:56
  Speaker 15: There was a guy came in here a few times
• 25:59
  in the last week. What a suit of armor just
• 26:01
  like the one you described, only he had this sticker
• 26:04
  on his with the picture of a what do you
• 26:07
  call one of them archimedean solid shapes with eight trianglar
• 26:10
  six square and twelve rectangular faces.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: You mean a rombacue boctahedron.
• 26:15
  Speaker 13: Yeah, that's it, a rombacue bajocdahedra.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Magen Any idea? Who he was?
• 26:21
  Speaker 13: What was I supposed to do? Acts to see his ID?
• 26:23
  I'm just a bartender, can you imagine?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: All right? Is there anything else you can tell me
• 26:28
  about him?
• 26:29
  Speaker 9: No?
• 26:29
  Speaker 15: Not really, not really no, well except for one thing.
• 26:33
  Every time he comes in he's always followed by a
• 26:35
  cophony of crows. I told him he can't be bringing.
• 26:39
  Speaker 13: Those birds in here. This isn't a crow bar.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Wait, the bird murder and the night Night cases are related? Bart,
• 26:49
  You just blew my freaking mind?
• 26:51
  Speaker 13: And would you look at that? It's your friend Ceci.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Hello, Bart, I'll have the usual, Sorry.
• 26:58
  Speaker 13: Missus, Scar's guard. We're all out sparkling skin of water?
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: Ah? Well, in that case, do you know how to
• 27:04
  make a green.
• 27:05
  Speaker 13: Goblin mountain dew sake? In line?
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: That's the stuff?
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: CSI. What happened with the werewolves?
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: Do I know you?
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: It's me Richard Richard detective Detective Richard detective.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Oh, you're the man who arrested my sister of all
• 27:25
  the bars on all the streets of Noir City. What
• 27:28
  brings you here? Gumshoe?
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: You did? Don't you remember? We're working the grave rubber
• 27:33
  case together for BT Doves.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Oh I see what's happened? What a hilarious misunderstanding you
• 27:40
  must forgive me. I believe you've been deceived, Detective. The
• 27:44
  woman you've been communicating with was, in fact my identical
• 27:48
  twin sister d D. She likes to pretend to be
• 27:51
  me sometimes, just a mess with people.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Are you saying d D. Dardar escaped?
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: Escaped? Heavens no, she was at least over a lack
• 28:01
  of evidence when the arresting officer forgot to show up
• 28:05
  to testify. Oh, beans, if you're looking for a grave robber,
• 28:10
  I think I might be able to help. Do you
• 28:12
  know a man named Solomon SAKEI.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: My old fren nemesis. I should have known he had
• 28:19
  something to do with this.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: Solomon said he saw something at the cemetery that spooked him.
• 28:24
  He told me he was scared, and he hasn't been
• 28:27
  the same since.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: What did he see?
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: Why don't you ask him yourself?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know where he is.
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: I do, and I'll tell you exactly where to find him.
• 28:37
  But I'll need something from you in exchange. I want
• 28:41
  to get out of jail free card.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: But I only get one of those per month. I
• 28:46
  was saving this one for Mom's birthday present. Plus I'm
• 28:48
  really not supposed to give these to criminals.
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: I'm not a criminal. I'm c C Scar's guard.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Fine, I guess ma, Detective can spend one more month
• 28:57
  in Riker's. Here you go, Please don't make let me
• 29:00
  regret this.
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: Lovely You'll see Solomon at Saint Simon's Saloon on South
• 29:05
  second Street, and Detective, don't be a stranger.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: South Second Street was a twenty minute drive across town,
• 29:16
  more than enough time for me to wonder how it
• 29:17
  was all connected, How was the night night controlling birds?
• 29:20
  Why did he kill the bird scientist? And how could
• 29:23
  I have fallen for the oldest trick in the book?
• 29:25
  Pretending to be your own twin sister. It was enough
• 29:28
  to make a man wonder if there really ever were
• 29:30
  any were wolves, or if that was all just another deception.
• 29:35
  I found Sake sitting at the bar sipping sazarak and
• 29:38
  decided to siddle up to the stool next to him.
• 29:41
  What are you up to, SAKEI morning Dick, it's not morning.
• 29:46
  It's almost eight pm.
• 29:47
  Speaker 16: No I said mourning. I'm mourning, Dick. My dear godmother
• 29:52
  passed away last week, died in a freak glligator racing accident.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Sorry for your loss. Excuse me, bartender? Oh god, where no?
• 30:00
  I meant Wait a second, bart what are you doing here? Oh?
• 30:05
  Speaker 15: Hi, Dick, I work here too. Yeah, there's a shortage
• 30:07
  of good drink servers in now City. There's also a
• 30:10
  shortage of people named bart ever since the bart ender
• 30:14
  came to town.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: But you were just working at the Act break bar.
• 30:19
  Speaker 15: I know, in this economy, in order to afford a
• 30:22
  two bedroom apartment, I have to work twenty five hours
• 30:25
  a day.
• 30:26
  Speaker 13: That means occasionally working two jobs at the same time.
• 30:29
  Speaker 8: But hey, it's a living.
• 30:31
  Speaker 13: What can I get you to drink?
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Do you know how to make a kiss of death?
• 30:34
  Speaker 13: Pickle juice and ygermeister.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: That's the stuff. Thanks cheers, Solomon. Here's to what was
• 30:40
  her name?
• 30:42
  Speaker 8: Muriel?
• 30:43
  Speaker 16: To Muriel tomm Muriel racing gators across the River Styx.
• 30:48
  Speaker 8: All right, let's cut to the chase. Dick.
• 30:50
  Speaker 16: I know you're only here for my criminal expertise.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: A mutual friend of ours says, you may have seen
• 30:55
  something strange recently at the cemetery, and perhaps something involving
• 30:59
  of bodies snatcher. Perhaps you'd like to talk about it.
• 31:03
  Speaker 8: Mama.
• 31:04
  Speaker 16: Muriel's funeral was the standard drill, but a burial was
• 31:07
  a bit more surreal. How So, when it comes to cremation,
• 31:11
  you can insist on a certain sort of incineration.
• 31:14
  Speaker 8: Some soul seek out specialized services.
• 31:16
  Speaker 16: They may want their remains made into jewelry, poured into
• 31:19
  an hourglass, or contained in salt shakers. Hey, I don't kink,
• 31:23
  shame the deer it departed.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: What kind of service did murieal insist on?
• 31:28
  Speaker 16: She had her dust mixed with glitter and packed into
• 31:30
  a confetti cannon at the end of the bagpipe medley.
• 31:32
  She exploded all over the mourners. It was unexpected, to
• 31:35
  be sure, but I guess that's just the kind of
• 31:37
  woman Muriel was.
• 31:39
  Speaker 8: Anyway.
• 31:40
  Speaker 16: I took a walk after the service to clear my head,
• 31:43
  mostly the hair and eyes part of the head because
• 31:46
  they were coated murial dust. That's when I ended up
• 31:49
  in the cemetery playground, and that's where I.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Saw what what did you see?
• 31:55
  Speaker 8: Not what? Who I saw? Salt slaughter.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: What was the butcher doing at the graveyard? Was he
• 32:02
  catering a funeral?
• 32:03
  Speaker 8: No, he was wearing a suit of armor.
• 32:06
  Speaker 16: But it happened upon him right as he had taken
• 32:08
  off the helmet to get a sandwich.
• 32:10
  Speaker 8: And Saul had a shovel. Looked like he just dug
• 32:13
  up Dubs.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: You're saying you saw saw with Paul Dubbs.
• 32:16
  Speaker 8: You know Paul.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: I'm working a case for Paul's Paul.
• 32:19
  Speaker 8: Uh.
• 32:20
  Speaker 16: Yeah, Saul had Paul, but he also had a hacksaw.
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: What was Salt doing with a hacksaw?
• 32:25
  Speaker 8: He was sawing? He was sawing?
• 32:28
  Speaker 16: Say it, he was sawing the body of Paul into
• 32:31
  pieces he was making into Paul's law.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: So Saul's the grave rubber, I see. And where exactly
• 32:37
  was Saut sawing?
• 32:38
  Speaker 8: I told you? Is that the playground?
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, but we're at in the playground.
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Was it near any sort of playground fixture by chance?
• 32:47
  Speaker 16: I don't know, like over next to the monkey bars, I.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: Guess, dang, what a missed opportunity.
• 32:52
  Speaker 8: Listen.
• 32:53
  Speaker 16: I don't know what kind of weird stuff the butcher
• 32:55
  is into, but I made sure to bury a bunch
• 32:56
  of claymore explosives all around Mura's grave just to be saved.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: You're probably not allowed to do that, but who am
• 33:02
  I to say what is or isn't legal? Wait a second.
• 33:06
  If Muriel was cremated, then why did she have a grave.
• 33:10
  Speaker 8: It was a plot hole.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Listen, Sokee, you've been a tremendous help, and I promise
• 33:15
  you I will catch the man responsible for killing Darryl Deadman.
• 33:18
  Speaker 16: I have absolutely no emotional connection to your case whatsoever.
• 33:22
  Your words mean nothing to me.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: You hang in there, You're gonna be.
• 33:26
  Speaker 8: All right whatever.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, phone dial Chief Jamison.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Justice, Hello, Chief.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I need a warrant to search Saul slaughter slaughterhouse. CC
• 33:39
  Scarsgard sent me to see Solomon Sakey. Solomon says he
• 33:42
  saw salt sawing Paul at the playground?
• 33:44
  Speaker 9: Was it by the sea?
• 33:44
  Speaker 10: Saw? No?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Actually, monkey bars.
• 33:46
  Speaker 9: Dang missed opportunity.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: I know that's what I said.
• 33:50
  Speaker 9: Hold up, are you telling me the town butcher is
• 33:52
  the one who's been stealing human body parts? I'm eating
• 33:55
  ribs from Slaughter's butchery right now. Excuse me for a
• 33:58
  moment while I go throw up.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Give me that warrant first, and you can throw up
• 34:01
  while me and Saul throw down. Oh sorry, I've got
• 34:04
  another call coming in from an unknown number. One second.
• 34:06
  I'll be right back. Hello.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: It seems you've been asking a lot of questions lately,
• 34:11
  poking your nose where it doesn't belong.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Who is this?
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: You don't know me, detective, but I Saul.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: No is this Saul Slaughter from Slaughter's Butchery. No, I
• 34:24
  know you did it, Saul.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: Fine, you got me, but I got leverage. Say hello
• 34:29
  to your little friend, Detective Dick.
• 34:33
  Speaker 10: He called me. He's holding me hostage at the park
• 34:36
  where they found deadman's body.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: And this is who? Uh which sister? Am I talking
• 34:43
  to me?
• 34:44
  Speaker 10: Cecy?
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the real CC.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Or come along, detective. If you ever want to see
• 34:50
  CC again, If you're not here within an hour, I'll
• 34:53
  be forced to do something unmentionable like what I can't
• 34:57
  tell you. It's unmentionable.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Well, then don't mention it. Try singing it.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: I'm going to kill her.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: You can't kill her. She'll die like.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: The tip of my knife. It's exactly the point.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: You're a madman. Also, you hang up first. I have
• 35:13
  someone on the other line, and I don't know how
• 35:15
  to switch it without dropping the call.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, sure, see soon.
• 35:18
  Speaker 10: Bye.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: Hello, Chief, I'm back. Who was it wrong number? Listen, Chief,
• 35:25
  forget everything I said about Saul. I was mistaken.
• 35:28
  Speaker 9: Oh good. I already finished my ribs and was about
• 35:30
  to move on to the meat loaf, also from Slaughter's Butchery.
• 35:34
  And for dessert it's lady fingers from Missus Lovett's pie shop.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I have to go, Chief.
• 35:39
  Speaker 9: Wait, No, I'm so lonely. I've been watching Sweeney Todd
• 35:42
  and trying to make funny puns and just failing. Please
• 35:45
  just help me, please.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: I was in a real sticky situation. Saul had Ceci
• 35:52
  as well as an army of crows at his beckon call.
• 35:54
  If I showed up unprepared, I'd be deader than Darryl Deadman.
• 35:57
  But I had one hour to get ready, and that
• 35:59
  was just an a time to make two important stops
• 36:01
  on my way to the park. Step one was the
• 36:03
  police department Armory Gunther was a good gun, but to
• 36:06
  take down a gaggle of crows, I'd need an upgrade.
• 36:09
  My second stop was at the twenty four hour car
• 36:11
  wash because someone had written wash me in the dirt
• 36:13
  on my rights back window while I was talking to Sake,
• 36:16
  And that's just really embarrassing. The moonlit sky watched over
• 36:23
  the park with its ancient eyes. It was in for
• 36:26
  a real show tonight, Saul, show yourself. I came alone,
• 36:33
  just like you said.
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: You shouldn't have come. Now he's gonna kill us both.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: How did you get away from the werewolves?
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: It's a long story.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: What I can't understand you with that helmet on, I said,
• 36:53
  I'm so happy you made it, and with time to
• 36:55
  spare it too, am I Early? I can go and
• 36:57
  make the block a couple of times. If you're not ready,
• 37:00
  let's get started. Our other guests of honors should be
• 37:02
  arriving shortly. You mean the rabble of crows. See, I've
• 37:06
  got it all figured out. You've been feeding the crows,
• 37:09
  haven't you. I imagine it started innocently enough, a few
• 37:12
  scraps from the butchery, the bits unworthy of filling sausages.
• 37:15
  The crows probably got used to it started coming around
• 37:18
  more often and in greater numbers. Eventually it was no
• 37:21
  longer economically sustainable to feed the birds from your own supply.
• 37:26
  But you're saw slaughter the kind of guy who gets
• 37:28
  called out to cater crime scenes on the rag. You
• 37:31
  saw all those dead human bodies going to waste, and
• 37:33
  you concocted a plan.
• 37:35
  Speaker 5: Hey, you're kind of stealing my villain monologue.
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: Oh go ahead, you can take it from here.
• 37:40
  Speaker 17: You really took the win out of my cells. I
• 37:41
  was really looking forward to this part.
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: It's true, he was rehearsing before you got here.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: I'll pretend I don't know anything.
• 37:49
  Speaker 17: It's just the moment's ruined.
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: Fine, I'll do it. Saw slaughter began small at first,
• 37:55
  stealing the occasional arm or leg from the crime scene.
• 37:59
  Nothing one would notice. But the moment the crows first
• 38:03
  tasted human meat, they became ravenous. No other meat would do,
• 38:08
  and if they didn't get what they wanted, they'd tried
• 38:10
  to take it from Saul, which is why he constructed
• 38:13
  a crow proof suit of armor to protect him from
• 38:16
  the bird. Eventually, the crow hunger got to be too much.
• 38:20
  Saul needed a consistent supply of man meat. The cemetery
• 38:24
  was a solid start, but the Oregon drawer at the
• 38:27
  Morgue was a source of even more.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: But you couldn't keep control of your carnivorous cloud of
• 38:32
  killer crows could you saw your Frankenstein's monster went rogue
• 38:36
  and ate an innocent bird scientist bystander.
• 38:38
  Speaker 17: That's where you went, Rome, Dick. The crows and I
• 38:41
  have an understanding. They know that I am their friend, nay,
• 38:44
  their god, and they attack who and when I tell
• 38:47
  them to that lousy doctor Deadman was on to me.
• 38:50
  Started running test tracking the litter of crows in an
• 38:53
  effort to discover why they were behaving so unusually. That's
• 38:55
  why I lured him here to this place and ordered
• 38:58
  the crows to clean his bone, which is exactly what's
• 39:01
  going to happen to you.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Well, it's a good thing I came prepared, you fool.
• 39:06
  Speaker 17: Haven't you ever heard the expression never bring a gun
• 39:09
  to a crow fight?
• 39:11
  Speaker 13: Oh?
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: This old thing, it's not a gun, it's a cat launcher.
• 39:37
  Speaker 17: Is that it looks like a gun is out of ambo?
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: No, just got a cat jam. Hang on, let me
• 39:42
  smack the cat cartridge back into place.
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: The crows they're retreating. You did it, Dick. Thank you
• 39:53
  for saving me.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: You're welcome, Cci, or should I say d d What
• 40:01
  I ran into your sister Ceci at the Saint Simon Saloon.
• 40:04
  She told me everything.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Oh, I see what must have happened. That wasn't my
• 40:08
  sister CEC.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: It wasn't.
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: No, that was my sister d D. You see. D
• 40:14
  D has a bad habit of pretending to be me.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, I see enough.
• 40:19
  Speaker 17: Have you too forgotten that I'm still here.
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: And I have a knife?
• 40:22
  Speaker 17: Shoot him, Dick, Your gunning cat launcher can't hurt me.
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: I'm wearing a full body bulletproof suit of armor.
• 40:28
  Speaker 17: Remember, your bullets are useless here.
• 40:30
  Speaker 8: Oh.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: I was prepared for this, you see, Saul. Before I
• 40:34
  came here, I washed my car so and I sprung
• 40:38
  for the Ultra Premium Deluxe package, thus ensuring it would
• 40:42
  rain tonight, rendering the entire car wash. Moot, that's just
• 40:46
  Murphy's law. You can't argue with science.
• 40:51
  Speaker 13: Water.
• 40:52
  Speaker 6: No, No, I'm rusting, rusting.
• 40:56
  Speaker 13: What a world?
• 40:57
  Speaker 17: This is literally a fake worse than death.
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: You saved me, Hugain, just doing my job.
• 41:13
  Speaker 6: We'll take it from here, goons, take the night night
• 41:17
  and put him on the limo copter. He'll make an
• 41:20
  excellent addition to my statue room. Detective, I must thank
• 41:30
  you for solving this case.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: Don't forget our deal, Dubs.
• 41:35
  Speaker 6: Don't worry Mayor Maynard will no longer be a problem.
• 41:39
  Oh good, because he's dead.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Wait what I told you?
• 41:46
  Speaker 8: I have a lot of pull in this town.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: You murdered Mayor Maynard.
• 41:50
  Speaker 6: No, Detective, I didn't do it. D D dart Art did.
• 41:56
  She's already confessed to the crime. But rumor has it
• 41:59
  she's got a get out of jail free card. How fortunate.
• 42:03
  Don't you think everyone gets exactly what they wanted, which
• 42:09
  reminds me, Ceci, we saved you a seat.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: Surely you're not going with them.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: I have to he's my father, and don't call me Shirley.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How's that supposed to work?
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: Well, you see my mother was adopted.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: Oh got it.
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: I'll see you around and hey, don't be a stranger.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: That's it. That's how this episode ends.
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: No Detective, this is how the episode ends.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, thanks for listening to this episode of The
• 43:14
  Snake's Paw. This has been Noir City Blues Episode two,
• 43:20
  Murdered by Birds written by me Jack Townsend, with creative
• 43:26
  contributions by Eric Ader, Matthew Morris, James Laneus add pretty
• 43:31
  much everybody else on The Snake's Paw team featuring the
• 43:34
  voices of Helen Jack's Eric Ader, James Laneus, Matthew Morris,
• 43:40
  Andrew Ferrier, Jeff Quash, High Priest Robie, and introducing Killian Kielbo.
• 43:46
  If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more
• 43:49
  like it, feel free to subscribe to our YouTube page.
• 43:52
  Just click that little button there at the top of
• 43:54
  the video that says subscribe if you're listening on YouTube,
• 43:57
  and if not, you can find us on YouTube at
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• 44:02
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• 44:05
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• 44:08
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• 44:11
  at cofi that's kodh fi dot com slash the Snakespaw.
• 44:17
  Thanks so much for listening. We'll see you next time.