Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / The Eds: The Good Fight

Transcript

The Eds: The Good Fight · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is The Eds with Eddie, Judge and Edwin Aoyavi
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: the Husband's know Best, a too cheese production. Here we
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: go The Eds are back, Episode ten. Bro, can you
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: believe that we are right?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: And it's flying? And well? I think we're pros now.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I think we know what we're doing now.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Now I don't know do we still have that five star?
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: I have to check back.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I got to check with our team. I haven't reviewed
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: watched the reviews lately, but and this is a good
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: time to mention that it is important to send those
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: reviews in because it does help us understand what we're
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: doing right and what we're doing wrong. So please please
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: keep sending us the reviews. Today we are going to
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: talk about what makes or breaks a relationship, fighting and communication.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a very interesting one and
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: one that I'm going to have to go deep in
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: because I'm a completely different person today when it comes
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: to fighting and communication than I was when I was young.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Same here, yeah, yeah, you know.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: One of the interesting things that that that comes up
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: is like, what what was our communication model when we
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: were young? I mean, who who did you look up
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: to or learn from? How to you know? Quote unquote.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I think that's the key is how do you fight
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: and how do you fight to get to the next
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: level of productivity versus fighting to just kill each other? Right,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: I think there's a big difference. So who was your
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: like role model? Was it parents or.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: I would think parents. I mean, my again, my dad
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: was is a wonderful man. He's still my hero. There's
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: so many great things I learned from him. Yeah, one
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: of them was like, make sure you always take care
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: of your mom. But he did have a different way
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: of communicating when I mean, he was very stern and
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: I mean if I would i'd mess something up, he
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: would basically kick my ass and I was scared of him,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: and God forbid, I would cry in front of him
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: because then he'd give me something to cry about. Yeah,
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: so you know, that level of communication for me was
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: you know, sometimes now, like my son starts crying out
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: of nowhere for nothing, it almost takes me back to
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: those moments, right. It triggers me and then I want
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: to react the way my dad used to react with me,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: and then I got to hold myself right. And it's
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: that sort of self awareness is self mastery in many ways,
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: because you know how to like maybe stop yourself, because
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: you could very easily go revert back to kind of
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: what you're used to, which is, hey, you're crying. I'm
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: going to give you something to cry about. Like you
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be crying. You are a man. You're not supposed
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: to cry a kind of deal, right, Like that's what
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I remember.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: As a kid, That's how I remember it too. Yeah,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: And I are you saying that at this point as
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a father yourself, you don't think it's a productive way
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: of treating your child, your male child, or is there
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: a better way? What do you tell what do you
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: what are you telling me?
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I think love is always the best way, right than fear.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I think love would always cast out fear. That said,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: it's easier said than done, right because you want to
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: go there. But when that doesn't work, you you immediately
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: want to go to all right, let me just put
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: fear into them, right, you know? For me, you know,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Teddy's been a big help with that with me and
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: just you know, helping me with that stuff. Uh. But
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: you know, sometimes I gotta raise my voice style like
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: that's that's still one that I revert back to, is
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: that tonality of raising the voice and and and and
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: getting that sort of reaction. Once I the boys, I
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: kind of get, you know, get them to calm down.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't think it's the best way
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: to do it. But that's sometimes where I'll revert back
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: to that that I'm still trying to work on, you know,
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Like it gets a lot to get me upset. But
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: if I get upset, it's not good. Yeah, but it
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: takes a lot. Like you really don't push my buttons.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's really only one person in this world
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: that knows that combination. And I think it's for you too.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: It's our wives. They know the right combination to push
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: to get piss us off. Outside of them, nobody really
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: pisses me off, right, Yeah, nobody bothers me. The interesting
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: thing that you mentioned just now by your son getting emotional.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: I remember when I was a kid, I was emotional,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: and when I was either getting bullied or upset, or
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: anxious or just really angry about something, I would cry,
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: and I would I didn't have a father like you
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: to tell me, you know, if you cry, I'm going
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: to give you something to cry about. I had either
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: uncles or friends that would portray that message. And I
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: would be mad at myself because I was crying. I'm like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I should not be emotional. I should not be crying
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: right now. I should be upset, ready to kick somebody's ass.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Why am I emotional? I'll never forget that, those moments
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: when I just couldn't control those those emotions. Right.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: How did that whole bullying thing happen? Well, because I
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: know that happens a lot in school too.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, I mean the bullying varied between you know,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: the bigger kids picking on the little guy, and that's
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: just that's normal. The other bullying would be in the
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: neighborhood where you know, predominantly white and you have a
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Mexican kid and they're picking on you because you're a Mexican, right,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: or just little things like that. Never really, I've been
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: in one fight, really physical fight in my entire life.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: And it was in high school and I was sick
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: and I didn't even know why I was fighting, but
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I went and fought, and you know, all meetrue other
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: after school and we got in a fight and it
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: was a I think he ended up winning, but it
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: was pretty much a draw because I wasn't myself. I
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: was sick, I had a cold. I couldn't keep up.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: But ever since then, I said, this doesn't resolve anything,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: This didn't do anything. You know, I still hate the guy,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: and I learned from that point, like you know, I
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: just tried to avoid any physical conflict from this point forward.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: But in that journey, the biggest challenge for me was
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: how do I manage these emotions that you know, when
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: I'm really really upset and this is really young, I
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: just want to cry. And today I think it would
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: helped me tremendously. Was reading a book called Emotional Intelligence,
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and they had a sequel emotion Emotional Intelligence too. And
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: and of course you remember I took acting classes in
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: college that all helped me really get in touch in
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: control of my emotions. And now that I'm older, I
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: find that, you know, there's always a story behind somebody
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: on the other side that makes him act or be
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: the way they are. You know, somebody, for example, you're
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: driving down the street and I used to get really
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: upset with road rage when people cut me off. And
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: you know, again when I was younger, I'm like, you know,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: what do you think you are cutting me off? Right?
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: But they could be you know, late to work, or
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: they could be running to their grandmother because she's sick,
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: or you know, whatever the reason is, it's best to
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: just let them have it and not, you know, not
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: say anything right, not get upset, not not escalate the
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: problem that didn't even really exist before. He's just cutting
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you off right. More recently, I learned sort of the
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: hard way. I was writing my Harley to go pick
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: up some shirts, some sample shirts at this print shop
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: that my buddy owns, and I was just cruising, having
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: a good time, and this guy cuts me off on
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: the freeway exit and he literally cut me off. I
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: know he saw me coming because I got these huge
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: bright headlights on my bike, and so I went around
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: him and I just gave him the finger. And he
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: was in this little Honda black Civi Conda, and he
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: got pissed off and he chased me down for like
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: a mile. He chased me down all the way until
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I got to the shop. I pulled up into the shop,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: obviously my friend's there and now his employees, and the
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: guy gets out. I was like, well, you flipped me off,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, you really want to get down through it.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, this guy was breaking the law doing you know,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: you turns like he he If you didn't know it,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: you would think he's trying to kill me. And it
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: was a pretty bad situation. That taught me like, yeah,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: maybe from now and forward, don't flip anybody off. Don't
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: escalate the problem, because you never know what is wrong
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: with their life, all right.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's people that have gotten shot over that, So
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: you just don't know who you're at the time and
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: who you might be flipping off, and they might just
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: be having a horrible the whole ole day and they
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: might just pull a gun on you.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. A buddy of mine recently had the same experience,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: but he didn't flip the guy off. He just he
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: was on the freeway and this guy was just going
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: in and out of traffic, one of those idiot drivers,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: right that is just it's a matter of time before
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: he's going to cause an accident. And he came up
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to my friend, you know, pretty hard behind him and
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: swerved away, and my friend just lifted his hand, you know,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: his arm up like what you know, and the guy
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: chased him down all the way into the exit of
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: the freeway, and my buddy's like, you know what, I
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: don't want anything to do with this guy. This guy's
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: a nut job. And he ended up writing he exited
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: the freeway, and the guy exited the freeway and he
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: went around him and stopped in front of him. He
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: started backing his car up, and my buddy just turned
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: around and went the wrong way on the freeway off ramp,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: going like, yeah, what is wrong with these people that
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: they're so crazy they want to kill you?
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Well, you know what's interesting is, you know we talked
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: about like how do you stop you know, reacting right,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: And and that's where meditation comes in, right, because meditation
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: allows you to focus and it allows you to like
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: respond instead of react to things, because sometimes you won't
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: even know you're doing it right, So it's like something
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: will trigger you and then all of a sudden you'll
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: just get anger. But if you can again, if you
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: could focus so much and you could be aware of like, okay,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: this is just this is a trigger that's going to
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: make me do it, and you could actually respond to
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: it versus reacting. I think for me that's what like
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: meditation has been helping me with quite a bit. Yeah,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: because now I could I could almost see what's going
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: to happen before it's it's like it just doesn't trigger
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: me anymore. But like I think of like, you know,
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: there's been you know, past relationships where because of their
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: past just anything, you would say something and it's all
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: of a sudden they're in your face and they want
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: to box it out. Yeah right. And I've dated women
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: like that that that I have wanted to just box
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: it out. Like the minute you you god forbid you
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: said a word, yeah, and all of a sudden it
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, let's let's I'm gonna I'm gonna punch
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: you in the face kind of deal, you know, and.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: You're like, whoa, wow, Wow. Yeah, I I haven't experienced that.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I think it's a real thing, especially because I've seen
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: guys you know.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Who gets right. There's guys thing right.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the guys do. It's it's more predominantly that that
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: guys you know do that. But I'm sure there's women
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: out there that are very you know, angry, and and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: that's there, I guess way of handling a situation. I mean,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: growing up Latinos, we're pretty much stereotype as my cheese.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Most and and that's how most Latino men are, like
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Rye and you know, mess with me or my family, right.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And the funny thing is, for me, I think it
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: was experience and all that helped me become more understanding
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: of the world. Right when I was young, I would
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: say that I'm pretty ignorant to the world, you know,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: the realities of the even in my especially in my twenties,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: right when you think you know the whole what the
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: world's all about, right, everybody in their twenties things they
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: got it all in control. But it wasn't you know,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: until I experienced just life and learning, you know, especially
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: being illegal and watching some of these unnecessary cases come
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: across your desk and you're like, these guys are fighting
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: over trash cans left outside of their you know, front yard,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: or you know, parking in front of your neighbor's front
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: of your neighbor's house. You're fighting about that. It opens
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: up your eyes to all the stupidity out there of
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: people getting upset and fighting over nothing. Growing up, I
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: used to hang out with all kinds of people, including
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: gang members, right. And the mentality with a gang member
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: group is you mess with my my homie, I'm gonna
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: kick your ass. You know, you got to get through
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: me to get through my homie, and that taught me
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: the lesson of Okay, there's loyalty involved here, but why
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: would I put myself in the line of fire over
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: some dude, you know, especially if the dude deserved it, right,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: It didn't make any sense at the time. It doesn't
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: make sense now and I completely understand it today. It's
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: just the way they value their relationship, and that's what
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: puts value in their in their life. Right. It's not
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: much different if somebody is threatening my family, if somebody
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: is you know, that's the hardest part when it came
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to the show. It's like, all right, you're you're in
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: my wife's face, you know, and you're a guy and
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: you're you're arguing with my wife. You know, what the
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: hell am I supposed to do? Initially? I just want
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: to lean over, reach over this table here and beat
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: the shit out of you, right and get physical. But
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: the reality is, ay, it's a television show. It shouldn't
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: get to that point. B You're gonna look like the
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: idiot because you're arguing with the woman on TV. Right,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And see, it's kind of not real, you know, this
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: is all fabricated shit that doesn't really mean anything or
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: matter ultimately right. So that's helped me really in that situation.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: But if it was a real life situation where some
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: drunk or some you know woman attacks my wife, like,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do. It's almost like
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: a case by case, you know what I would I
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: just try to separate them. Would I get involved? If
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: somebody punches me? What do I do? You know, it's
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: it's kind of scary. This world is getting a little
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: bit more and more fearful, in my opinion.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: Do you remember fighting? What was your last fight with
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: with a girlfriend? Was that a big one or.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: The last real fight with the girlfriend? And it was
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: the only reason it was a fight. It was way
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: before camera. The only reason it was a fight was
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: because she would not let me go. You know, she
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: wanted to just make sure we tried everything on this relationship.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: She was she was an mba very highly educated, very
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: motivated woman, very inspired, inspiring. But you know, we knocked
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: heads and I just didn't like the way she tried
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: to control everything and I was out. I'm out. I
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: don't want to be in this relationship anymore. And it
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: literally took probably a month, you know, to get out
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: of that relationship. That was the first time I've ever
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: felt like, you know, kind of threatened, like, I mean,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: what do you mean You're not gonna let me go?
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: What do you mean We're not breaking up? We're breaking up.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: It's over. Yeah, But that was the only time I've
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: ever felt kind of uneasy about a conflict with with
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: with a girlfriend. To her, they've been pretty easy, you know,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I have. I had this attitude before I met Tama
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: that as soon as something was wrong in the relationship,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I just go bye bye. You know, I'm done. I
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: can't deal with this. And I think it's part of
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: my experience growing up, you know, just not really having
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: a guide or an example of how to deal with conflict,
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: but more how do I protect myself? You know, how
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: do I protect my my feelings and my emotions when
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: you know this relationship is not working out? I'm out?
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: And I didn't learn the value of it until I
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: met Tamra. And you know, we had a few for
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: her first few fights and I was like, Okay, I'm out,
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: and she's like, but I mean you're out, We're not out.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: We're going to work through this, and and she totally
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: pulled me in. But in a very positive way, you know,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: and taught me the lesson like, no, this is we're
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: in love and we got to make this work. And
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: and it really opened up my eyes to it. Again,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: It's a life experience that I never had because I
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: never had those examples or the or a book that
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I can read to tell me this is how you
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: handle conflict if in case, this is the scenario you
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: find yourself in.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Right, m hmm, what about you.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Have you had any adverse fights or anything like that
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: in relationships when you're in a relationship with crazy girl.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, definitely had my share of fights. Definitely
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: had my share of back to back women that were
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I guess, very aggressive, I should say so. A couple
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: of times. One tried breaking a couple of TVs in
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: my house, tried to mess up a couple of things
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: at the house, a couple of imagine that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: so it was it was interesting dealing with that. Yeah,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I think you know, one thing my my dad always
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: taught me too, is you know, never to hit a girl, right.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, that was I don't know where I learned that,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: but that was one of the most important things. And yep,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: it's hard to understand though, because what if she hits
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: you first?
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: And right?
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: No, yeah, right, how do you handle it then?
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Right? So that's you know, that's a tough one, right
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: when when you're getting struck first and all that. But
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: you know that was that's always been like my dad
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: was always like, hey, you don't touch a girl. I
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: don't care what they do, you just you don't go there.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: So again, I think you pick up a lot of
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: stuff when you're young, and uh, I think that helped
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: me control myself during those moments. Yeah, and also know
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: that it's just you know, you react to one of
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: those moments and you're gonna end up in the in
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: a bad place there. So yeah, yeah, so's it's interesting
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: because especially when you're younger, Right, when you're younger, you
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: don't know as much. I mean, you know, now it's
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: funny because not funny, but like Teddy and I, one
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: of the few times we get in an argument, she's
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: the type that will not go to sleep until it
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: gets fixed, right, So she wants to talk it out.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: She wants to get it fixed and go to sleep.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I'm not that way. I'm like, let me go to
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: sleep and I'll be fine. In the morning. Yeah so,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: but because I shut down, I just it. Just when
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I shut down, I shut down. If I get pissed,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: it's like I got no emotion, no emotion whatever. It
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: just I don't even know how it happens. It's just
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I just turned cold and there's nothing you can say
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: to me. I'm just not talking now. The next day, though,
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: I wake up like, I know myself, I'm cool, I'm good,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: I'm fine. But she Nope, she needs to have that conversation,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: and that sometimes has gotten me more upset because I'm like,
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: just wait till the morning. I do not want to talk. Now.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: We'll end up doing it and it ends up being well as well.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: But for me, my natural reaction is to just wake
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: up the next morning talk about it then, because I'm
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: calm and my emotion is back. She wants to figure
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: that stuff out, like on the spot.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I think I'm exactly the same way and when, and
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: what I've learned in my experience and analyzing as much
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: as I can about it is that I personally rather
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: shut down and calm myself down and get my thoughts,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: collect my thoughts, and manage my emotions, because if I'm
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: pushed and cornered into a wall. I am going to
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: come out fighting and saying the worst things that could
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: come out of my mouth and mean it right. Yeah,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: So I know this about me. And every single time
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I've ever been in a situation in a relationship, and
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I think it's only been two one is my current
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: relationship with my wife. She's like teddy, she wants to
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: resolve it before she goes to bed. She wants to
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: talk it through da da da, And if I'm not
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: in control, I'm like, don't talk to me right now.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: It just just leave me alone. It took probably maybe
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: three to six scenarios where that happened, and my wife
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: finally learned like, Okay, I don't want to push him
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: right now because I know he's about to lose it,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: right And I've gotten to the point where I just
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: remind her, hey, listen, is this not a time to
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: talk about it. If you keep pushing it, I'm gonna
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: lose my shit. And of course she's so pissed, like
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: are you threatening me? I'm like, I'm promising you. You
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: know how I can get you know. And that's the
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: thing that I learned is I hated those moments when
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I did lose my shit and I lost control and
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I said some horrible things. But once I've calmed down
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: and I apologize and we talk it through, because that's important.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: You both have to be in the frame of mind
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: to be able to communicate, clear minded, right, and emotionally
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: ready to accept whatever caused the issue. If you're both
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: in that place, it's going to be effective. But if
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: one of you is shut down because it's like a
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: time bomb ready to explode, and the other one's just
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: trying to push because they want to get to the
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: other side, you know, I don't want to deal with
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: this anymore. I just want to just get into a
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: fight and get over with and move on. Right. That's
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: kind of what Icy my wife does. She's really good
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: about just get into a fight, get it over with,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: and then then after it's done, ah, I love you, honey,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: it is like nothing happened. And one of the cool
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: things is that she doesn't necessarily bring it up again,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: right like some other women that I've dated, where you know,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: ten years from now is like remember that moment, Like, no,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: I don't remember that, but yeah, I think it took
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: actually fighting and navigating through the conflict between my wife
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: and I for us to learn how how to fight right,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: to learn what is my max threshold, what's her max threshold?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: What are her you know, soft buttons and her triggers
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: and what are my triggers? And unfortunately it had to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: be a fight before we found out, Okay, I'm not
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: going to push her right now, or I'm not going
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to push him right now. And I'm not saying that.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: You know, it's the perfect way of communicating. It's it's
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: working for us, you know when when it when it
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: comes to conflicts. But at the same time, we're at
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: the point in our relationship where like, yeah, I really
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: don't want to bring that up because it's just going
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: to be a fight. It's kind of like where are
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the landmines right now? Because I don't want to go
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: down that path.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Well, I think to your point, right, when you get
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: you get to know your partner right where again, I'm
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: the same way. If you push me and you continue
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: to push me, I'm going to know exactly what to
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: say to like hurt you. Yeah, but I'm only going
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: to go there like if you really really pissed me off,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: and and I'm the same way, let me just go
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: to sleep. Let me go to sleep, cause I already
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: know I'm a taking time bomb. I'm a taking time
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: bomb if you keep pushing, pushing, pushing, So now you know,
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: it's like she kind of knows. All right, I'm just
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: gonna let them wake up in the morning. We'll talk
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: about it in the morning. And I am a total
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: different person in the morning, like I'm it's like new day.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: I'm in a good mood. I'm good.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: So you said about that, right, Yeah.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: The interesting question I have is what why are our
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: wives like that? Why do they feel they have to
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: get it resolved right away? You know, what's the psychology
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: behind that? And what what what can I do to
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: help them feel better about, you know, not giving in
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: and fighting with them, you know, to resolve it because
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: it doesn't work for me. It might work for them,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: but it doesn't work for me. You know, what can
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: we do to help the situation so they feel like okay,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: maybe you know, maybe it is okay to wait till
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: the morning to get in a fight, or what is
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: it that that makes them feel like I just got
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: to get in the fight and get it over with
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: and then I'll move on, you know, because I've seen
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: that a lot in my wife at least, Like, Okay,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: we fight, we you know, sometimes we can't help ourselves
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: and we say something stupid, and then ten minutes later
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: we're back to normal. That can never happened. But maybe
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: it's just that it's maybe it's just like, let's just
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: get it over with and move on, versus I don't
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: want to get over with. You know, I am ready
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: to explode because of the scenario we're in, and I
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: need some time to just calm down. So please let
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: me calm down before we talk about this.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Right, That's a good question, and I've been trying to
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: figure that one out myself. I mean, how do you right?
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: But you know, it's interesting for me too. I'm you
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: know what, sometimes it takes me a couple of days
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: to forgive, right. Yeah. It's like, are you gonna apologize?
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Like I got nothing to apologize, You should be apologizing
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: to me, right yeah? And then after a couple of days,
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: you're just like, all right, let's you just kind of
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: have fun with it at that point because you're all right, right,
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: But there is something to be said about you know,
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: forgiveness and gratefulness are unseparable. Right, they're inseparable, I should say, yeah,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: And bitterness and ungratefulness are also inseparable. So you know,
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: you got to be careful with not forgiving because you
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: become bitter and then you become ungrateful, and then that's
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: how that relationship starts to drift. Right, you know the
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: opposite again. You you forgive somebody, then all of a sudden,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: you're grateful for it again. You know, those two things
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: are inseparable, forgiveness and gratefulness.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I think though, to your point earlier, I think you
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: hit the nail on the head and when it comes
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: to communicating, love is the most important thing that can
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: get you through anything, any hardship, any situation. Not saying
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: that it's going to be you know, bunny bunny tails
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: and you know, beautiful life. It's going to be hard.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: But as long as you have love, you have something
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: really powerful that is worth fighting for. Right.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I think that's what's really helped me with my relationship
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: with my wife, is like, we have love and it's
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: worth the fight. It's worth learning how to fight and
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: how how to get to the other side together versus
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: a part. I think that's the you know what.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I haven't tried, and I'm just it's like, a I
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: don't know. I just I've never really understood why shouldn't
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: say I never tried it. I tried it once therapy,
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: and I tried it once just because Teddy's like, we
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: should go to therapy because you know, we're going through
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: a tough time, and I felt like all I'm doing
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: is talking. I'm not getting any They're not solving my issue.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting here like I'm just talking away for an
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: hour and I just got charged whatever it was. I
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: don't know, a thousand bucks, and I'm like, talk, you did,
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: just hear me talk? I could. I could hear myself
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: talk all day long, but I never you know, that's
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: that's that's been. I've never really understood that one. It's
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: always I don't know if it's because the way I
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: was I was brought up, but I'm not saying therapy
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: is wrong. I want to clear that up. But in
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: my head, I'm just like, I don't why do I
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: need therapy.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I'm yeah, I'm good. I've never had therapy. I've never
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: experienced that, And a lot of it had to do
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: with the fact that we couldn't afford it growing up, right,
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: So we.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Write same thing, But I feel like everything now is
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: you need therapy for this, you need therapy for that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like, well, my understanding on the effectiveness of therapy
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: is kind of like a friendship. They got to get
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: to know the real you. And one of one of
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: my closest friends is my wife. But it took I
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: don't know, thirteen years to get to this point.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, therapy.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's some level of professional psychology that that you
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: know is behind a lot of their credentials, but I
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: have never experienced it. I have, I don't. I'm not
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: against it for the record. I think it works for
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: some people. But I think the value in talk with
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: your partner and communicating is therapy in and of itself.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: But the most important part is is that your partner
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: has to understand that communication is when both of you
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: actually understand what each other says. And if you're just
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: discounting what one person is saying because you're thinking about
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: what you're going to say, you're not communicating right. You're
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: so upset and you're stuck on that subject and I
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: just want to get my point out so he hears me,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: and you're doing the same thing and it just becomes
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: a fight. So that's where the third party comes in
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: and allows you to put you in one corner and
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: the other one in the other corner and like, Okay,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: catch your breath and listen to yourself talk and you'll
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: figure it out.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: I think that's the effectiveness of it. I mean, obviously
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: a lot of people have taken therapy and it's helped tremendously,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: and some people go through therapy their entire life because
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard to find somebody you can really trust
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent. You know, you gotta It's like our
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: our forum brothers and sisters, right when you're in forum,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: those are the people you trust. Those are the people
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: that know pretty much everything about you. And where else
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: are you going to go and do that if you
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: don't have that? Did you ever we talked a little
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: bit about this, did you ever figure out your wife's
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: love language?
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: She is definitely one of the choices on those Again,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: I want to say, she's the words of affirmation. She's
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: all about her. I want my card for our birthday,
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I want our card for our anniversary, and I'm like, well,
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: I didn't get you the card but I wrote you
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: a nice post on Instagram. I mean, the card just
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: gonna probably throw it away, you guys, I know, I
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: just did an awesome post for you on Instagram. It
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: doesn't get better than that. But she is definitely a
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: word of affirmation person for sure. And that is not
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: my love language.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: That is yours.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: No, that's not like, that's not yours.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: What's yours?
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: I'm not a like, let me write you this long
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: poem like, it's not me. I like acts of service, okay,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Like I like being taken care of. I like, uh yeah,
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: So Teddy doesn't cook that much anymore, but like when
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: she'd back in the day, when I'd come home and
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: she'd have dinner cooked and she'd serve me. That was cool. Actually,
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: funny thing about funny thing about Teddy is so my mom.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: You know, growing up, she she just always took care
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: of me. I'm like a big mama's boy, So she
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: always served me. Like, so when ted Teddy and I
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: were dating, Mom would always come and serve me and
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: all that good stuff. Right, So Teddy kind of got
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: used to that. So whenever we'd go to parties and
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: you know, they'd have the whole buffet style kind of
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: thing where you'd go serve yourself. Teddy would always come
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: serve me, right, and all her white friends that were
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: married wouldn't do that for their husbands, right. So Teddy's
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: like the only white girl right there serving serving me
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: and she brings me my plate, right, and all all
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: her friends would make fun of her because like, Teddy,
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: you're making us look bad. You're serving your husband and
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: we don't serve our husband. But I think it was
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: just you know, something that she started doing because she'd
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: see my mom do it all the time, and she
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: just yeah, So now I'm just not very good at
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: serving myself. Like whenever I do try to serve myself,
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I like mess up the whole freaking dinner table. And
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: so anyway, it's like even when we go to a party,
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: that's I'm like, hey, Teddy, can you serve me? Because
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I don't want to mess up the you know, they
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: have everything on nicely sput out, and here I come,
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I start throwing everything all over the place. So but
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: I just got used to that from being a mama's boy.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: Didn't serve myself.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: It's and that will go that will give her so
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: many brownie points, simple things like that. Little simple things
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: like that. And as long as she doesn't have you know,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: her friends mocking her or telling her, what are you
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: a slave? You know, so just people are haters for us,
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: My wife is words of affirmation as well. But I
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: also think she's an acts of service, so I have.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: What I know makes her happy is when I talk
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: to her and tell her how great she's doing, and
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: you know, and put her up on a pedestal. And
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: obviously when I do shit around the house or especially
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: in the big Bear house, when we're putting things together
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: or you know, upgrading this or doing that. She loves
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: me doing stuff like that, And personally, I am the
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: only thing for me for for the love language that's
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: really the most prominent is the physical touch. And I
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: don't know what it is, but I didn't have, you know,
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: obviously parents growing up telling me and doing things for me.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: In fact, for the first thirty years of my life,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: it was all about taking care of myself, you know,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: and doing my own laundry, cleaning my own house and
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: doing all these things for myself that in my relationships
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: the girls were like, well let me do it, you know. No,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: even when I married Tarma, and she's and I had.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I got to a point where I had a house
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: cleaner doing all the house cleaning, and then of course
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: my laundry, and my wife's like, uh uh, I am
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: not going to have some other woman washing your underwear.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's just underwear. I don't do my laundry anymore,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: you know. And I was, and it got to the
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: point where now she wants to do my laundry because
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: she doesn't want another woman to do my laundry.
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: They're gonna smell your underwear or what are they gonna do.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. It might be one
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: of those power trip things like you know, why is
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: another woman taking care of my man? Thing? Right? Because
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: now we're back at the point where I actually prefer
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: doing my own laundry because I have a whole system
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: and it's just easy and efficient, and it's one of
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: those things like Tamera does one or two loads, maybe
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: one load every day, and you know, so she kind
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: of rotates and is doing laundry three or four days
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: a week, unless she's super busy, then she can she
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: takes all day one day to do her laundry. I
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: like to just get it all done in one day.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: It's either Saturday or Sunday. I put it in, it's
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: all organized, it comes out organized, it's easy to put away,
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: and I'm done, right Versus I just put this load
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: in and I where's the matching sock. Oh, it's in
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: the next load that's going to go in tomorrow. Like
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: it drives me nuts. So yeah, I think for me
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: is physical touch. And if I was to pick a
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: second one that is my love language, it's probably quality time.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I've really have valued my time now that I'm in
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: my fifties, and I want to spend it with quality
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: people doing quality things that you know, bring bring joy
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: to us and and in the family. Right, So when
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: we go to these you know events that we just
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: went to one recently in La for Bravo and it
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: was at a bar. I mean, it's just it was stupid,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: but you know, we kind of have to do it
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: because it's part of the business. But it's not quality time.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: And for us it's it's sort of like I don't
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: want to go, bab, but she wanted me to go
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to go by herself, Right, So
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: I have to look at it as somewhat of quality
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: time together. As much as I didn't want to do it,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: and we we did end up actually spending some quality
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: time with Heather and Terry afterwards. We went to dinner
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: together and we spent some quality time with them, and
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: and they're and their boy and there and his friends
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: were there too. So those experiences are really what's important
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: to me. It's it's it's just physical touch. Obviously I
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: can only get that from my wife and my massage therapist.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: But is there a therapist a man or a female female?
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I could not have a guy touch me, Okay, I
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: mean good to know. I've had a good friend who
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: was an incredible massage therapist and he was also homosexual,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: but he was he was married to one of my
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: best friends, and he was one of the most incredible therapists.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: He knew everything about the body and how to really
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: help me with my pains, and I trusted him, you know,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: like a brother. So he's the probably the only guy
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: that's ever worked on me. But I prefer females when
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I go get massaged.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: Would Tamera allow you to have a hot a massage?
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: What do they called again?
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: Massuse messus? I've never met one that's super hot, you
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: know what I mean, like, holy shit. So, I mean
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: she she's always questioning the massage thing, you know, like
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: what's going on? How can I always get massages? Right?
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: I'm good. I love it and it fixed and I
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: need it. And I'm very physical and I have sore
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: muscles and sometimes really tight joints and tight you know body,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: And for me, honestly, it just brings It makes me
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: feel good that, you know, I'm being touched now. I'm
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: not being touched in a sexual, sensual loving way, not
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: like the way I want my wife to touch me,
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: but I'm being it's the therapy of massaging the sore
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: muscles or the pain, and sometimes it's fucking painful, you know.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: I have a therapist that is also incredible, and she's Romanian,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: super strong, and she just knows her shit and she
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: goes in there and she it's freaking painful sometimes, and
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: I feel good afterwards because she gets rid of the
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: pain area, not just the but the whole pain area.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: And even my wife has had her work on her
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: and she's like, oh my god, how do you deal
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: with that? It's painful the whole time. I'm like, that's
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: the kind of massage I like, not the pain most
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: full massage, but the massage is actually doing something. I
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: don't go get massage where they're just you know, the
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: sweetest massage which is just touching my skin and putting
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: rocks on my body or you know, none of that.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. I like the athletic performance enhancement,
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: you know, the physical massages, and I like going to
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: time massage just because they stretch you, right, Oh, it's
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: pretty awesome. They stretch the hell out of you. They
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: turn you into a pretzol, especially for flexible and obviously
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: they have their own thigh technique too. So for me,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: it's really the therapy that makes me feel good. And
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: obviously there's touching involved in the physical touch. So that's
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: kind of where I sense, you know, the physical touch.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Plus I'm a very physical touching kind of guy. Like
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I touch my wife all the time, and she loves it.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Not always, you know, because she's not a physical touch
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: kind of person with her love language. But you know,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I hug my friends, I hug everybody.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: I'm just that kind of person.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: I'm too.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: That's how we exchange energy when I shake somebody's hand,
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I feel a lot of energy coming through, and it's
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: sometimes it's not great. Most of the time, you get
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: a sense of who you're talking to, right or who
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: you're meeting right right. So it's important for me to
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: touch somebody, even if I put my hand on the shoulder,
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: I just have a sense of the energy that I
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: get from that person, and that's that helps me understand
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: that person better. What about fighting styles, how do you? Yeah,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: do you have a fighting style? When it comes to
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: well talked about that, you kind of shut down, right,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: I shut down?
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I mean I think, Yeah, I think, I mean,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: I think fighting styles. I mean, I mean, I call
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: it a superpower. I could be very encouraging, but I
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: could also I mean, if I wanted to, I could
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: really shoot you down, right. Yeah. So yeah, that's not
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: where I like to go. But I guess if that's
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: a fighting style for me, I know what words to
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: get you, you know, But that's definitely try not to
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: go there.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: You have to be pushed into a corner, right, yeah
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: before you.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: I'm usually the opposite. I'm usually like, I think one
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: of my superpowers is probably I'm very good at encouraging people.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And trying to diffuse the situation.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that also could be a bad thing if you
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: get pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed,
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: you could use it for the other side, you know.
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: But yeah, but I've definitely never been an aggressive person ever. Like,
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: it's just it. It would take a lot to get
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: me pissed off.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I I'm the same way. And the thing I always
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: chalked it up to was always, you know, when I
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: ride my bike, my road bike, I've done that for
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: since I was in high school. Every single time I
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: ride it, and I clear my head and I just
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: obviously the endorphins and the hormones that go through that,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I feel at peace with myself so much that you
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: can burn the house down, you can crash the car,
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: you can take anything you want. Nothing, absolutely nothing bothers me.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: So that's a great point about It's one of the
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: reasons I love to work out in the mornings because
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: no matter what comes after that workout, like, I'm calm
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: because your muscles are relaxed, You're relaxed, and it's it's
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: one of the ways you can take on a lot
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: of resistance. Is that is the working out, because man, yeah,
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: There's always going to be stuff that comes up and
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: you need to be sort of relaxed, and the workouts
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: do that for me every morning. That's why I'm like
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: every morning, I got to have some people take pills.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: I work out, you know, I hit the the treadmill
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: of the bike, you know, something to just kind of
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: get me relaxed. You know.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: I think you're right. I think that is our superpower.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: I think that's what's helped me be calm and collected
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: and be able to handle most situations that you know
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: that I that I'm faced with, you know, whatever that is.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: You know, I haven't faced a death in the family.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: You know, I just haven't experienced that. But those are
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: the moments where you know you need to be able
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: to handle life, and you have the option. You can
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: go and get drunk and take drugs and ruin your life,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: or you can go exercise and you know, take care
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: of your health and clear your mind and kind of
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: manage your perspective on what happened just now right and
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: handle the situation better. I mean, if I was to
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: give any advice on you know, how to handle fighting
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: or communicating or you know, with the spouse, I think
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: exercising before. I mean, you can't predict when you're going
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: to fight, but if you can exercise on a regular basis,
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: you're going to be pretty calm and you could definitely
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: handle situations better. But also on top of that learning
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: how to fight, which I learned recently, includes learning how
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: to communicate. And when it comes to communicating, is what
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I mean is you understand exactly what I'm saying, and
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I understand exactly what you're saying. I'm not just hearing you,
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not just letting you talk, you know, but really
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: just understanding each other. That takes a while because there's
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: so many different styles of fighting and communicating and languages,
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, for example, take a
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: person who and this is not to put people down
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: that didn't go to college, but let's say somebody that
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: didn't go to college, they don't have as huge a
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: vocabulary as a physician or even worse yet, a lawyer.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: Lawyers have like a thousand words that they have to learn.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: Right when you fight with the lawyer, you're learning new
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: vocabulary because they throw at you. You know, a whole
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: book of the Dictionary of Law that they they learn
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: in college and you're like, I don't understand anything you
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: just said, all these big words you just said, So
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: we're not going to get anywhere, right, That's why you
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: have to have a lawyer fight with another lawyer and
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: maybe they'll communicate and actually get shit done. But to me,
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: communicating is really actually understanding what the words I'm saying
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: and meaning behind them, and you understanding what I said.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: Because there's different ways I can communicate the same message,
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: and if if I have to, I will try. You know.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: That's why sometimes people say the same shit five different ways,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: right when you're talking to them.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Tonality, yeah, total, you will make a big difference.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: I mean I think it comes down to you being
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: happy with yourself, right. I think if if you really
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: think we're a fight starts with someone's not happy with themselves, right,
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: And the more toxic stuff you have inside, the more
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: that's gonna come out. Right. You can't transfer something that
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: you're experiencing. So if you're experiencing nothing but toxic inside
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: of you, because that's all you're consuming, and eventually you're
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: going to unleash that to the person you love, right,
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: So I think you know again, it's it's It's why
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: I think it's important to take care of yourself first. Right.
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: For me, I get up, I do a gratitude exercise,
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: I read scripture, I go to the gym. Those three
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: things right off the bat put me in a pretty
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: good mood. Right. That makes me feel good about myself. Now,
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: I could transfer love out right, But if you're not
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: feeling great about yourself, you're gonna constantly want to attack people. Right.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: So you know, a big part of communicating communicating the
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: right way is you got to you gotta get right
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: with yourself. Right. So it's while I'm such a big
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: fan of personal development rights, it's that self awareness is
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: so key because you can't change something you're unaware of.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: You can't improve on something you're not aware of. But
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: the minute you start becoming aware of things, then you
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: can actually improve on them. Problem is, most people aren't
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: even aware that they're doing that. Like most people don't
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: even aware that they get triggered and then they start
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: saying all this stuff that they don't even realize they're
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: It's just like people that cuss all the time, right,
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: they have no idea they're cussing all the time. They
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: have no idea that every other word that's coming out
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: of their mouth is an F word. Right. They're not
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: even purposely saying F they're just it's a habit, right,
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: So it's how do you stop that habit is by
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: becoming aware of it, right.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: So, and that's my thought on it.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: And if there's people around you kind of making a
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: point of it, that's another way to be aware of it.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: Right. And you are who you associate with, right, So
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: you start associating with your people that are all they
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: like is talking crap. All they like is starting rumors,
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: like that's exactly what you're going to be like, right. So,
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: now our parents are right. You are who you associate with.
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: So you start associating you want to change. You start
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: associating with people that are like the people you want
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: to be, right, Because if you start hanging out with
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: people that are not about gossip, you're not going to
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: want a gossip in front of them because they'll put you.
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: They'll immediately tell you, hey, this person's not here, man,
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about them like that, right, right,
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden you're like, oh shit, yeah,
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: these people don't roll like that. Yeah, So and then
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: start changing right, So yeah, that's huge too.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's interesting because that that puts her girls
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: in a predicament. You know, they're in a career where
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: they have to analyze all the shit talking, and it's
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: almost inevitable that they're going to talk shit, you know,
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: on their show. And part of that point I'm trying
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: to make is like when they come home, are they
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: able to shut it off or do they you know,
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: when when they have friends over and you hear them talking,
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: are they talking like the show?
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Right, Well, we had an argument, Teddy and I had
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: an argument not too long ago. Or I had to
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: like tell her, hey, I think this is a you problem.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Like I'm fine, Like don't like, I think you've been
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: watching too much like crazy stuff. You need to start
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: working on yourself a little bit, because I think this
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: is a you problem, like she was making it seem
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: like I was. I'm like, I'm happy. I don't know
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: what you're talking about. I'm stop telling me I'm not happy.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: Don't tell me I'm not happy. I'm actually very happy.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: I said, if you feel like that, that's on you,
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: But don't try to push that on me just because
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: you're not feeling good. You know, and we we had
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: a good discussion around that, and I think she agreed
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: with me. We'll see what she says to it, but
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: I think she agreed with me, and it was right.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: It's like, dude, you gotta in the mornings, you got
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: to you gotta work on yourself because if all you're
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: doing is watching Da Da Da Dad, Like, eventually, that's
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: going to get in your heart and that's gonna, you know, come.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Out, that's gonna spread spread if you're not only into
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: your relationships and all that. Yeah, No, I've seen a
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: difference now that the show's on. My life's a little
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: bit more on edge. And that's what I was referring
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: to earlier about Okay, you know, maybe I don't want
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: to bring it up right now because I know this
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: little thing is going to blow up because she is
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: so pissed off about something else. Right. It's like sometimes
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: it is about timing so and knowing your spouse, and yeah,
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: fighting and communicating is a very complex thing and it's
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: not something that I think is learned overnight, and certainly
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: not something you can learn in school. I think it's
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: something that you acquire with your partner and learn as
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: you go you know, and you're going to make mistakes,
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: and hopefully you can get past those mistakes, you know,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: with your spouse, if you really are truly in love,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: I think you can get past those things. But yeah,
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: it's tough. It's a tough subject communicating, fighting and getting
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: to the other side with a partner or anybody for
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: that matter. I mean, and business is different. You know,
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: business is pretty black and white. It's not emotional. It's
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: like we either got the deal or we don't have
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: the deal. But in personal, you know, I want to
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: stay married for the rest of my life, and I
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: want to be in love with this woman for the
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: rest of my life, and I have to do whatever
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: it takes to continue making it happen.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Right, At the end of the day, people just want
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: to They want to feel like they're being seen. They
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: want to feel like you care about them. They want
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: to feel like they belong. Yeah, and if you can
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: do those three things, whether it's personal, whether it's business like.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: But a lot of times, if you think about it, right,
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: if you're just shut off and you don't want to
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: hear them out, yeah, it shows them you don't care.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: So now they get more upset. Right, But carrying serving
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: all that good stuff is a good way to start.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it goes deep. It goes deep into
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: really getting to know yourself, to understand, you know, your
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: your good ways of communicating and your bad ways of communicating.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: Because I have my ways that are you know, not
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: necessarily the greatest. And it could be just described as yelling.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Right when I start getting like accused of stuff or
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: or putting in a corner or you know, words get
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: put in my mouth, I tend to get upset and
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: I tend to raise my voice. And I say this
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: because there's there's been certain conversations I've had with my
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: wife like you don't have to raise your voice. I'm
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: right here, and I'm like, well, it's frustrating that you're
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: not listening to the word I'm saying. Right.
• 54:28
  Speaker 2: It always comes down with, you know, when you're going
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: to get in a fight, though, now that I think
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: about it, it really comes down to when you're fighting
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: and you're in that moment, it's like, for whatever reason,
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: you want to hurt the person, right, So yeah, sometimes
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: it's like, all right, I know what to say to
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: hurt them. Or sometimes you're like, I know money hurts them.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna take the money away, all right, that
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: four hundred bucks. I gave you that two hundred bucks,
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: like I think of a child, right like, all right,
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: that's it. I'm not paying for this, this, this, this, Yeah,
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: you know you immediately want to take the money whatever
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: it is. It's gonna hurt them, right, I'm taking your
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: fortnite away.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: Or get a reaction, You get a reaction to, you know,
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: piss them off, right, yeah, yeah, And that's part of fighting.
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: I think that's that's one of the normal things about
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: you know, communication and fighting. I think it happens to everybody,
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: Like especially if you call somebody out on their bullshit
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: and they get defensive, they will come swinging with stupid
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: bullshit like that, right, instead of just saying, yeah, you're right,
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: I am an idiot. I shouldn't have done that and
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: you know you're right. Great talking to you brother, likewise, Yeah,
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: I think this is very productive and until next time,
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: Until next time,