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697. Your Purpose in Life Is Not Something You Find · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: your purpose in life is not something you find.
0:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It's something that you do and that is going to change is going to evolve with time and that's okay.
0:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Having self-doubt is okay.
0:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Not knowing everything is okay.
0:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the be it till you see it podcast where we talk about taking messy action, knowing that perfect is boring.
0:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm also Logan, prize instructor and fitness business coach.
0:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:32
[SPEAKER_02]: My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear.
0:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it until you see it.
0:48
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
0:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Alright, babe, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet because you've got some gems, some nuggets, some magic at coming at you.
1:00
[SPEAKER_03]: We have one of the best conversations I had at the beginning of this pot episode 195, our guest is Adrian Starks, and he is back.
1:07
[SPEAKER_03]: And he is back with so much, it's so fun how a difference of a few years can make and when you're living your life and you're following your purpose and reflecting what you can do and what you learn about yourself that you can share with others.
1:20
[SPEAKER_03]: So here are so many amazing tips,
1:23
[SPEAKER_03]: on helping you find your purposeful life.
1:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And if you love Adrian, go check this podcast.
1:27
[SPEAKER_03]: You are a purposeful life.
1:29
[SPEAKER_03]: All right, be it pod.
1:30
[SPEAKER_03]: We have a guest back.
1:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I think honestly, this might be the biggest gap from the first episode to the next episode.
1:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So Adrian Starks, we have a lot to talk about.
1:40
[SPEAKER_03]: We won, probably have to reintroduce you to everybody.
1:42
[SPEAKER_03]: And then too, we have to hear what you've been up to, how you're being it till you see it.
1:45
[SPEAKER_03]: So tell everyone who you are and what you're rocking at these days.
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it is so great to be back, Leslie, let me tell you.
1:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And my name is Adrian Starks, of course.
1:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a podcast or voice narrator, speaker.
1:56
[SPEAKER_01]: What else do I do?
1:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Entrepreneur, all the good stuff, you know, but yeah, that's who I am.
2:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you reading books?
2:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, are you like a narrator like that?
2:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, a commercial?
2:04
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what are we doing with it?
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, great voice.
2:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We're reading books.
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We're narrating from commercials.
2:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We're doing a lot of things.
2:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, that's so fun.
2:13
[SPEAKER_03]: How did we have to talk more about that, but first?
2:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So we had to want to, for episode 91, and I was on your pot, and we had a great time because you had some really great beat until you see it moment.
2:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think maybe we can go back a little bit of,
2:32
[SPEAKER_03]: the be it till we see it where we left off to here because I maybe I missed it maybe I didn't get as excited, but I can't like narrowing commercials and stuff like that.
2:39
[SPEAKER_03]: That's got to be so fun using like this amazing voice you have to do what you're doing.
2:44
[SPEAKER_03]: So let's take this back a little bit so we can get to the present.
2:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so how do I get into that?
2:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's a good question.
2:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'll start out as speaking, professional speaking, and then I just started making connections along the way, started auditioning for certain things.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I did a lot of things sort of certain platforms like reading for children's books.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I did some audio sort of other people's books.
3:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And then one thing led to another, the next thing I know I'm getting offered opportunities to do other things like narrating.
3:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's fun for me, I enjoy it and I love it.
3:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I'm at today doing that along with podcasting, along with just being it to you see it.
3:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, how is your podcast changed and like, I mean, you know, it's been, so it's been like almost 400 episodes since we've talked.
3:26
[SPEAKER_03]: So that's like at least two years like, yeah, because you know, when we, when we start our podcast like we have an intention of what it is, and then we evolve the podcast has to evolve like as what it, what have you kept the same and and what have you realized it, like, as you've changed you've changed Wow, the podcast has evolved.
3:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've changed over time in a way of like not so polished like I was before before I was very astute and you know I had to talk about this talk about that and make sure all my answers correct now I was like you know what there's a place I just don't know and I'm going to show certain slides of myself that no one's ever seen so now people are seeing like the comical side of me I'm into comics I'm into a lot of fun things coming cards coming books super heroes of course reading
4:16
[SPEAKER_01]: But the podcast has evolved in a sense of me now, just I'm not looking for the answer of purpose.
4:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to understand what people's perspective of it is and has changed.
4:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I understand that.
4:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I get that, like, because it's called your purposeful life.
4:36
[SPEAKER_03]: And so, and I love that you're like, I sort of, it has to be a student.
4:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Everything has to have an answer, because that's what everyone wants.
4:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Everyone wants an answer.
4:43
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I have these students in this mentorship program and they asked a question.
4:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And I talked for seven minutes, like my father was like, that's like a monologue.
4:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, I have fully answered your question.
4:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And I want to acknowledge that it doesn't sound like there's an answer in there.
4:59
[SPEAKER_03]: because you want a yes or no, but it's such a lot of questions about our life and the things that we do there's nuances or things that like might be too much purpose for you and not enough for someone else and so it's it's a complicated is very complicated.
5:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And I go by the philosophy of Socrates he said that I know that I know nothing and that is something
5:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we want to be knowledge of all things.
5:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, we want to have things that we give to people that are correct because we're like, in your case, when you're teaching people and everything, you want the knowledge to be there for them.
5:37
[SPEAKER_01]: But there's a lot of cases where there's some things we don't know and that's okay.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what learning is for.
5:45
[SPEAKER_01]: and being able to be a person in your field and be a leader and say, you know what, I don't know.
5:51
[SPEAKER_01]: But I would like to find that answer out with you or find some type of solution to what this is.
5:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where I feel like we're living now in this day and time.
5:59
[SPEAKER_01]: If people are looking for solutions, but they're also looking for connection to that solution.
6:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and I think as we at a trust built bear, there has to be something that there's an alignment and I actually, you know, I remember when I for theme applies instructor think I had to know the answer to everything and I have found that my clients and the students I teach like they might not love when I say I don't know.
6:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me think about it, but also like.
6:28
[SPEAKER_03]: I may never know.
6:29
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, the person I studied under is past, person he studied under is past.
6:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Like there's just going to be some things we don't have an answer to.
6:36
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think it's very brave and courageous to be like, I don't know the answer to that, but this is what I know and I can I know enough of this to keep going in this direction.
6:44
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.
6:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Being a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, I used to really need... Tell me the right left turn to take and I'm gotten better at going, oh, I'm going to take this left-hand turn and I based on the information I have, it should get me where I'm going and if it doesn't, well, we'll get as far as we did and we'll figure it out.
7:05
[SPEAKER_01]: That is the same way with me, too.
7:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you and I both share that comment theme of being like the perfection and wanting to have, we call these type what a personality is, they want certain things a certain way.
7:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay, but there are times where you have to just let things flow.
7:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking about this the other day, I had a day where I was just everything seemed to be going against me.
7:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was trying my best some very stubborn to make things go the way that I wanted them to.
7:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And the more I did that, I found that there was more resistance, something got delayed, something didn't happen, something fell through.
7:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I realized that, okay, I'm going against the nature of things.
7:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we go against the nature things, when we try to make things perfect, when they're not meant to be, that's gonna be major resistance, because everything has to flow a certain way.
7:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
7:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all about looking at nature as a way of teaching, and if you look at the salmon, so I'm from the Pacific Northwest here in Seattle, and the salmon when they go upstream that one last journey to spawn into later eggs, every time I think I said that backwards, to lay the eggs then spawn.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: They go upstream, that's the last thing they do when they get there is do that, and then they die.
8:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, the question remains is, is it the exhaustion that gets them?
8:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it just that that was their purpose?
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we're going to go back, we're going to give life, and then that's it.
8:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a number of things going on, but the true essence is that that journey against the flow of the river, that's what exhausts them.
8:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So by the time they get to the top and they do their thing,
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: there is no energy left to go back.
8:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I look at our days and our lives and when we're going against the grain of what our purposes are, then that creates major resistance.
8:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes us feel like we're not worthy.
9:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes us feel like we're not perfect.
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes us feel like we're incompetent.
9:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And the answer to that is that we're not.
9:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We're truly good at what we are.
9:08
[SPEAKER_01]: We can always be better.
9:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
9:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't need to be perfect.
9:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I interviewed someone like 1% better every day and I'm like I'm like eventually that just is too compounding for me like I've done math and that's a lot.
9:22
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like for the recovery and overachiever and me and like yeah, 1% better every day and it's like some days you're going to be 3% worse.
9:29
[SPEAKER_03]: because like you made a mistake that you had to go learn an unravel and go back and that requires you know like there's just things like it's a lot of pressure but I do think that like as long as your intention is to be a learner and to continue to put what you feel your creative spirit is.
9:47
[SPEAKER_03]: then you're going to make mistakes, but you can recover from them and keep going and you learn more.
9:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You have better muscle strength.
9:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Some days when I'm having those resistance, you actually just build stronger resilience for what you're going to do because the closer you get to, the thing that you want, you'll have a lot of rejection along the way.
10:06
[SPEAKER_03]: people doubting that your ideas a good one and you need to strengthen your resilience that you can get to where you want to go because when you get there, there's going to still be some doubt or so it's going to be even more because now you're more known for it.
10:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So now there's these people who are like, who do you think you are?
10:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, I think I'm the person who's working on this for 20 years.
10:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Where are you?
10:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, you just got to hear exactly.
10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what people see.
10:27
[SPEAKER_01]: They see the outcome.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: They see just that result.
10:30
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't see the build up to it.
10:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And this like when you look at trees, when they grow, you don't see the roots that are deep into the ground.
10:38
[SPEAKER_01]: There's been years getting its ground into the tree can go upward and it can balance itself.
10:42
[SPEAKER_01]: You only see like the blossoming of the tree.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And we forget that there's a lot of going on in the dark here.
10:47
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot that's causing this tree to be the way it is.
10:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love the fact that you set learning too, because that kind of rung a bell with me.
10:53
[SPEAKER_01]: When I talk about purposeful living, there's three cycles, and one of them is learning, and we have to be constant students of ourselves and our environments, learning like, what is actually going on in my environment?
11:07
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I not getting?
11:09
[SPEAKER_01]: What mistakes are I am I making?
11:11
[SPEAKER_01]: What can I improve?
11:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And then at learning process, we'll trigger the second step, once you realize that,
11:20
[SPEAKER_01]: We trust what we've learned right now.
11:21
[SPEAKER_01]: We're beginning to put it into action a little bit.
11:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We're starting to apply it.
11:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, okay, this didn't work.
11:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me dial back here.
11:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me try this now.
11:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me try something different.
11:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Now let me try a different road.
11:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, let me not go down this road anymore.
11:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And then once you do that enough, that growth, then we move into the third part of the cycle, which is self-expression.
11:44
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the complete trust that now you've learned it.
11:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And now you know what works and what doesn't work for you.
11:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Now you're just going to have some fun with it.
11:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.
11:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And then once you start having fun, the confidence builds up, okay.
11:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Now let's learn some more.
11:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's grow some.
11:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
11:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And you just keep doing that over and over through your lifespan here on the planet.
12:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And the beautiful thing is like you're a Michigan.
12:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to be perfect doing it.
12:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Make your mess, you know, and then clean it up.
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, as you go.
12:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god.
12:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I think the best things, I, I, I look at my office and then the day and I'm like, yeah, we did some great work here.
12:19
[SPEAKER_03]: It's true, you know, it's like maybe that's the ADHD that just puts things down and set up putting it away.
12:24
[SPEAKER_03]: But like at the end of the day, I look and go, oh yeah, if I thought I didn't do anything today, I was wrong, clearly I've been in every place in this room.
12:31
[SPEAKER_03]: I've been all these things and I think that's a sign of a good day.
12:35
[SPEAKER_03]: But I, I, I, what's a great day.
12:36
[SPEAKER_03]: It's interesting.
12:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I think another part of that growth process you're talking about is,
12:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, putting yourself around people who are the next step ahead, because if you end up doing all of that and then you're just surrounded by people who haven't done that, it's really easy to either get a little full of yourself or to stop growing or think that there's not another level, I think, you know,
12:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I've always had some great friends in my career that are about seven to ten years ahead of me in age or in the profession and I love it because they are always talking about their complaints are and I can go oh well I don't have to experience that complaint that sounds like a terrible thing that sounds really exhausting if I just change it now I feel like I'm a little bit.
13:21
[SPEAKER_03]: not skipping ahead, but just like having stronger guidance towards where I'm at and what I'm doing.
13:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's almost like H.O.V.
13:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Lane on the freeway.
13:29
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm still going to be in a little bit of traffic, but it's a little less, less people.
13:33
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I agree with you.
13:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that because it's so true.
13:36
[SPEAKER_01]: We do need to surround ourselves with people that uplift us inspires and also show us
13:42
[SPEAKER_01]: know, what not to do.
13:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's two, we could learn two ways, learn what to do and learn what not to do.
13:47
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of times, the learning what not to do is even bigger than learning what to do.
13:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It saves you time and energy.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And we also to be careful too with people that are around this that may be not intentionally, but unconsciously pulling us away from that thing that we really want to do for ourselves, for our communities, for our society.
14:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And we get used to just being the person that's like, okay, we're good.
14:15
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a good time and we get along, but is this person really or this group?
14:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they really challenging you to grow?
14:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Are they really allowing you to see things that you need to see in order to move forward?
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's hard.
14:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really hard to to think about that consciously because we get so used to just being in the group.
14:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And we can talk a lot about self-reliance, but we need each other.
14:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
14:41
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can never ascend alone.
14:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that completely, it's like you can never, back in the day when I was doing my professional speaking, unspeaking, you know, and stages that I was in Canada, I was speaking, I thought it was all about me.
14:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, hey, I got the answers, teach it in everybody, then boom, COVID hit, humbleness, you know, it was like there was nobody around.
15:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I was just by myself and I was just doing my thing that I didn't have that group or that those people to reassure me to say, hey, okay, you need to recalibrate here.
15:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
15:19
[SPEAKER_01]: We're doing this over here.
15:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You might want to take a look at what we're doing.
15:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
15:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have that group.
15:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm glad that you said that because there needs to be people that kind of challenge you, but at the same time when you hit a pocket where it's like, what do I do?
15:34
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I get better?
15:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Then you have that group to look from or that personal look from to as an example.
15:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I agree.
15:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it's really easy and I see it happening now because like it's almost like we forgot that there was a COVID my my schedule even though as intentional as I've been it's been very busy and people are like oh when you're coming back and I'm like probably not until twenty twenty eight I have not accepted any gigs for next year.
15:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not accepting any gigs.
15:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I've got an idea that I need to do and that's going to require me to be at home and I've got another idea that if like it won't happen unless I'm at home.
16:05
[SPEAKER_03]: So I got to do that and people just look at me like what and I'm like.
16:10
[SPEAKER_03]: this is how busy I was pre-COVID and then during COVID I was it became very clear who was my friends because we were just at the same place that's at the same time and who were my friends because they wanted to talk to me even when we weren't running into each other you know so that really helped me go okay these are the people who care about me no matter how they benefit
16:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
16:32
[SPEAKER_03]: And then these other people, they're not bad people.
16:34
[SPEAKER_03]: If that's all they want to talk to me.
16:35
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's just that it's interesting to note who you want to share things with.
16:38
[SPEAKER_03]: But I think we have to realize that there was this beautiful time that helped us reflect on where we were going and we got this reset and how we used it.
16:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Hopefully, it was intentional.
16:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And then now we're we're back at it.
16:52
[SPEAKER_03]: It's so easy to forget what that was.
16:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm seeing people fall back into the patterns of pre COVID and I'm like, I just.
16:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And you'd have intentional relationships, and I need to, speaking back to your podcast, like my purpose is something that will probably change, will will change as my life goes on.
17:10
[SPEAKER_03]: But if I'm not paying attention to it, I'm not going to realize that.
17:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to be doing five years ago's purpose.
17:19
[SPEAKER_01]: It's true.
17:20
[SPEAKER_01]: It's in the purpose thing is it's not what you find is what you do and it's constantly evolving with you.
17:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We talked about like in the beginning, you're asking me about what changed and what brought this about.
17:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just the changing of my purpose.
17:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I realize that there are things now that
17:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, now I'm interested in this or now this is moving into this direction because of these external situations that I can't control, so how do I adapt and Thomas Carlisle, he was a Scottish philosopher and he said that, you know, a person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.
17:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And what that means is that when you don't have a rudder in your ship, when something comes around unexpectedly, your ships start spinning and it goes off course, but when you have a rudder, you need to have a purpose something you're working with, no matter what's happening, you can navigate and be like, okay, let's make a little adjustment here, this may not work, but we're still going to go ahead with the plan, the plan is just altered a little bit and that's what it is to be purposeful is just actively knowing that this year,
18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: was different than three years ago.
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And so this year, what can we do that matches the frequency and energy and intensity of where we're at right now?
18:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where I've come to realize is that it's just, you don't have to look back and say, this is where I will as, oh poor me, you know, a lot of people fill this way and I fill this way.
18:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what happened to that spark?
18:40
[SPEAKER_01]: What happened to that person that was doing all these things over here?
18:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I have to come to a reality check, life,
18:47
[SPEAKER_01]: should happens.
18:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, things happen and we can't control them.
18:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We also have the amazing abilities human beings to adapt and adjust.
18:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
18:57
[SPEAKER_01]: We're the only species in a planet that can do that.
18:58
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of all the other things of nature and animals, they just, if there's a cliff, they just keep going because they know that they got to get on the other side, right?
19:05
[SPEAKER_01]: My gracious eyes.
19:06
[SPEAKER_01]: But when it's us, we're like,
19:09
[SPEAKER_01]: that shouldn't work in.
19:12
[SPEAKER_01]: We're like, this is, this is not working.
19:14
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to go over here.
19:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's our ability to do that.
19:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why I said the purpose, it, it's like you can guide it.
19:22
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't necessarily have to pull you.
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where we get our true like self-creative factors coming from.
19:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And just making changes that we need to make in our lives.
19:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I want to go back to because, you know, what your podcast has become now, I'm Brad and I've been making changes to our pod and we were on our vacation in Europe and we're listening to a podcast and it started with like, I think we want to stop playing the music before the ads.
19:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, why are we doing that?
19:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Because if we wanted to sound really produced, like we've great producers, they're listening to this.
19:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You guys are amazing, like, love you.
19:54
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, they're great producers with or without that.
19:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And all these other podcasts I listen to, they don't have the music going into it.
19:59
[SPEAKER_03]: It just goes into an ad.
20:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's kind of annoying, but you know what, how the podcast gets paid for ads.
20:03
[SPEAKER_03]: So...
20:05
[SPEAKER_03]: like, sorry, that's how it's paid for.
20:07
[SPEAKER_02]: So these things cost a lot of money to do.
20:09
[SPEAKER_02]: So we're doing that and it's like, well, what else?
20:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, you know, I'm actually bored of this.
20:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm actually like tired of that.
20:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And then you're like, oh, my God.
20:16
[SPEAKER_03]: But my listeners are so used to it.
20:18
[SPEAKER_03]: People don't like change.
20:20
[SPEAKER_03]: But also it's like, but this is my podcast.
20:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And I have to like doing it.
20:23
[SPEAKER_03]: So what are there, what are some changes you've made?
20:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Or decisions you've done?
20:27
[SPEAKER_03]: And then did you think about, like, how did you, did you tell the listeners?
20:31
[SPEAKER_03]: You just did it.
20:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, how did you do it?
20:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I have to say to be honest and fully transparent, I did not tell my listeners that I was going to take a hike to soft.
20:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I just did it.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And what's interesting is that listeners or they begin to listen more because they missed that space.
20:50
[SPEAKER_01]: There's just saying that people don't mission to your God.
20:54
[SPEAKER_01]: When people don't hear from you, they get very curious.
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I always say this to people, I say I'm incubating.
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: They're like, I'm cooking up some stuff here.
21:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm working on some of the things that I'm just incubating right now, but there's still a thing you can listen to.
21:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that it would be nice to tell our listeners, hey, I'm going to go on a five month, you know, I just hear in six months or seven months, but in all honesty,
21:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that would be for me that wouldn't be a good idea because they may just stop listening.
21:22
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just aren't moving on or something.
21:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Because they're okay.
21:24
[SPEAKER_03]: That can six months.
21:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
21:25
[SPEAKER_01]: They're like, well, he's not really releasing anything new.
21:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're just going move on to the next person and, you know, some people will do that.
21:32
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that in the day we're human and if we're taking off and we're gone, we're gone.
21:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and when we come back, then we can explain, like, hey, I was gone for a minute.
21:42
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what's been gone on.
21:43
[SPEAKER_01]: People want the real these days and they want to know who what is going on in your life.
21:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
21:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I remember when professional speaking was so polished.
21:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone was on stage.
21:54
[SPEAKER_01]: They had suits and ties on.
21:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll never forget.
21:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I started out with a suit and tie.
21:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Now for some people, they can feel good.
22:01
[SPEAKER_01]: No, that makes them feel great.
22:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was like, oh, this is not me.
22:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't be this person.
22:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I started being myself wearing casual clothes.
22:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Then the podcasting industry kicked off it boomed.
22:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It started back in think 2018 is when it really began to like take off.
22:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And at the podcasting stage, I was beginning to do the same thing.
22:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, polished all this stuff.
22:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I realized, no, not me.
22:26
[SPEAKER_01]: In the podcast, over time has changed.
22:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's evolved.
22:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You will see different perspectives of myself.
22:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, there is one person asking me, do you think we should take down,
22:36
[SPEAKER_01]: One of my team members, do you think you should take down the episodes from the very beginning because it's so not in alignment with what you're doing now?
22:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Must it absolutely not?
22:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, this shows transparency that I've started with this idea.
22:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Now we're moving on to these things and it just shows the purpose how it's constantly changing.
22:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
22:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's where we're at, but yeah, back to your question.
22:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of want to tangent there, but back to your question about
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, do you tell people or not?
23:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I think we do what comes natural.
23:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And in this day and time everyone wants attention.
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I've noticed this on social media.
23:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to have to say it.
23:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to have to bring it up here.
23:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been on my mind a lot.
23:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody wants attention.
23:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody's doing podcasting right now.
23:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Leslie, you've been around for quite some time.
23:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You're a veteran in podcasting.
23:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But the people now, they're like everybody, birds, cats, dogs, they all have podcasts now.
23:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I know everybody wants to be on a podcast and you know what?
23:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's saturated the market because now we're competing with people who don't really have a passion for what they do.
23:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They're just getting people on their show to talk to them.
23:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I know that there are some people who would disagree with that.
23:43
[SPEAKER_01]: That's okay, but this is my perspective.
23:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I've seen it.
23:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we feel a certain way like this doesn't resonate with us, it's okay to pull away because that shows that we truly are in our essence.
23:54
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not doing this to impress.
23:55
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not doing this to hopefully you stay with me and follow me.
24:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like if you connect with me energetically and you really like what I do, then you'll go with the flow.
24:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I understand the business too for us.
24:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to continue to do the things that brings business but at the same time, hey, it is what it is.
24:15
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to just know that if you're feeling a certain way, either do it or don't do it.
24:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I have this thing I do.
24:20
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm not feeling an episode, I'm not gonna get on a mic, I'm not gonna talk.
24:26
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm having a shitty day, sorry for my language here, but I'm not having one of those days where you know, I've encountered someone or I've done something in business and it's not, I'm still being not sitting right with me.
24:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I'm not going to get on the mic because at that point that energy is going to come across my head somewhere else I'm not here presently so I think that's great for us to be able to take time off and just step away for a bit.
24:49
[SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate you saying that because like this is one podcast that Brad listen to and the guy's like, I'm taking off three months, you know, here's why I'm doing that here of what's going on.
24:58
[SPEAKER_03]: He was very honest.
24:59
[SPEAKER_03]: He's like, I'm having some burnout, pop, that I thought I'm overworking.
25:02
[SPEAKER_03]: I want to put some new systems in place.
25:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And he was like, and here are the things I created for you.
25:05
[SPEAKER_03]: And like, oh, my God, why would you do that?
25:07
[SPEAKER_03]: You are tired.
25:08
[SPEAKER_03]: You should, why it's like, very thoughtful though, right?
25:11
[SPEAKER_03]: But I was just like, that was extra work.
25:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Just to get you to the finish line.
25:14
[SPEAKER_03]: And this other podcast,
25:17
[SPEAKER_03]: a couple because he's a Friday podcast.
25:19
[SPEAKER_03]: It's true crime of the week.
25:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And so obviously it's very top-gold, it's very like time-sensitive.
25:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And like after a couple weeks I was like, well, it's interesting to have it hurt from him in a bit, right?
25:28
[SPEAKER_03]: And then it kind of just like went on.
25:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And the other day, two weeks ago he came back.
25:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was like, oh, there's a true crime of the week, right?
25:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I was so excited to see it in my life.
25:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So I like hit and he goes, yeah, I was supposed to take it out of two-week hiatus and I took four months.
25:42
[SPEAKER_03]: And I apologize.
25:43
[SPEAKER_03]: It's been
25:46
[SPEAKER_03]: There's a lot going on that just it felt like I didn't feel like I could talk about true crime with all the heaviness that's going on and I didn't have the words to say what I was feeling and so I just took time for myself and I was like, you know what, I actually hold nothing against him because I actually found that to be even more honest.
26:02
[SPEAKER_03]: It was like,
26:04
[SPEAKER_03]: I needed time off because I'm a big fan of like, I'm not going to share anything with the world unless I fully processed it because then and I learned this from Tiffany Haddish from her book the last like unicorn.
26:14
[SPEAKER_03]: She's like, if you have fully processed it, then no matter what people say, it's just going to bounce right off of you, right?
26:20
[SPEAKER_03]: But if you haven't fully processed it and you shared it,
26:22
[SPEAKER_03]: You're going to take whatever they're saying personally or you're going to be offended by it or you're going to frustrate it or you're going to tell you to defend yourself again and so I'm often late to some of the topics that are online because I'm it takes me a little bit to go, well, how do I feel does that bother me, why is a bother me, what's going on and then when I processed it then I'll then I'll share it and I find like I think it's better to be human.
26:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And social media is a problem podcasting.
26:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god, there's so many.
26:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm proud to say this podcast in the top 1% of all podcasts in the world, even with all the crap that's out there.
26:52
[SPEAKER_03]: But like I find that Sometimes I'm like, oh, I should have more followers or more likes in the post that I have based on my career, but I won't do the clickbait stuff.
27:02
[SPEAKER_03]: I refuse to do these three exercises help you trim your ways.
27:06
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like, no.
27:07
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're a pyramid apostle, good fuck and luck, and your hormones, like, I'm sorry.
27:11
[SPEAKER_03]: There isn't, you know, like, my girlfriend was like, just say these three and then and then get them to click and go, sorry.
27:17
[SPEAKER_03]: There is nine.
27:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Go talk to your doctor.
27:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, that is just going to get people mad.
27:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, that would piss me off.
27:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel like do so it's not my style.
27:25
[SPEAKER_03]: So I think like you have to say true to yourself and sometimes that means just like,
27:28
[SPEAKER_03]: honoring the pod, but also Adrian, I feel like that requires self-reflection.
27:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So what are you doing?
27:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Because it feels like you're quite knowledgeable about yourself.
27:36
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you do to make sure you're checking in with yourself?
27:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you journal?
27:39
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you do?
27:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would say that the first thing I do is I asked myself questions.
27:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that a lot of people talk about journaling and that's part of it.
27:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But in all honesty, I just ask myself, what's going on?
27:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You guys sit down somewhere to say, okay, what's going on?
27:55
[SPEAKER_01]: One of my not happy about.
27:57
[SPEAKER_01]: what do I want?
27:58
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the big thing.
27:59
[SPEAKER_01]: What do I want?
28:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you start thinking in your head and then thought start rolling.
28:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And as those thoughts start rolling, write some of them out, or record them, either way, get them document them somewhere.
28:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I ask myself, what do I want to do?
28:18
[SPEAKER_03]: not like what I want to do in five years because that's just too much processing in a time where you're just like, I agree to hear half me when I do know what I've told my team is I want to be retired in 10, but that's what I want to do in five is like a whole different story, you know.
28:33
[SPEAKER_01]: It is, even when we put time frames on ourselves or we put this limit of like, I gotta be here in five years, it's a good marker to get you going.
28:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's not necessarily something you need to be focused on, like that's what you, that's how it's going to end up.
28:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, it could be a number of things that happens between it, point that brings that goal about.
28:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But like I said, there's, and I have to be careful with the word goal because the goal I feel is very saturated too.
28:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I use it in a different term.
28:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I use goal as this, G-O-A-L, get out and live.
29:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Love something.
29:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I use it as that's what I use for it.
29:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Just teaches me that my set something.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: If for me to get outside of my box is start living a little bit scare yourself a little bit.
29:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to go over here.
29:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a fly over here.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to spend time over here or I'm going to do this do something that's just out of your comfort zone to get you out of that rut and then that's what I do.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So once I'm out of the rut, then I'm like, okay.
29:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Now let's sit down and let's look at creating a plan.
29:30
[SPEAKER_01]: But the first thing is you got to get yourself out of the rut.
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to do something just to move your body.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So to speak, right, you tell your clients this move your body.
29:37
[SPEAKER_01]: You got to move, move, move your thoughts out of this head and to put it somewhere else.
29:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But I do that.
29:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So I do a lot of self reflection of ask myself, what do I want?
29:46
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on?
29:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I also remind myself of what I've been doing.
29:54
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to give yourself a pat on the back.
29:56
[SPEAKER_01]: because whatever you've been doing, it's been working.
29:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And a lot of times, we have high expectations for ourselves because we live in a world of comparisons.
30:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's very easy to do that now because when you go online, it's not just people who are very successful out there.
30:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You can see your friends, your family, and you're like, oh, hey, flew over here and went to the Bahamas.
30:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm stuck here in this area over here.
30:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't even do this.
30:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you start down talking yourself.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that's happens with people in relationships and business and social environments.
30:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think be careful with comparisons.
30:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
30:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And talk.
30:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So I make sure I don't do that.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't.
30:36
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why I get away from from social media.
30:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I'll spend like maybe a few days detoxing.
30:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't even look at social media.
30:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I'll just kind of sit in the dark a little bit so to speak.
30:47
[SPEAKER_01]: No, away from technology and just ask myself questions.
30:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I do reading a lot.
30:54
[SPEAKER_01]: you mentioned a book before and I said, I love reading books and I don't necessarily read the whole book.
31:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I do what I call it.
31:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I do check-ins.
31:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So I will find something in the book that resonates with me and then I will reflect on that along with my other things.
31:09
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
31:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I like the talking to yourself because, like, journaling for me is really great.
31:15
[SPEAKER_03]: It's really easy for it to become a to-do list.
31:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I could be, oh, I don't want to forget that.
31:19
[SPEAKER_03]: But like, if I am out on a walking my dog, I might, I mean, maybe it's because I've ADHD and I'm not a queries, so I live in my head, but I have these interesting thoughts pop in and I'm like, where is that coming from?
31:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Why am I thinking that?
31:33
[SPEAKER_03]: What have I been doing?
31:34
[SPEAKER_03]: And I love the, like, compact yourself in the back of what you did do because I do think most people, the reason they get into comparison is because they forgotten what they did do.
31:41
[SPEAKER_03]: It's why this podcast has a Friday episodes where people have to share their wins.
31:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I really think people need to realize like there's a lot of wins.
31:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And we had someone in our and our and our group.
31:50
[SPEAKER_03]: She was like, she had her best friend's mom died three months ago and her best friend died two weeks ago.
31:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And she's like, how do I still work on my goals during this time?
32:02
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't.
32:03
[SPEAKER_03]: You're going through something like loss is real and we all agree very differently and and maybe you maybe someone can work on their goals because they're not tackling the grief right now.
32:12
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not hitting them and it hits them in five years.
32:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know there's different things, but I can't sit here with the life experience I've had in the business coaching I've done and go.
32:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, just do the just do one thing a day.
32:23
[SPEAKER_03]: No, like I don't the did you shower and sleep today.
32:26
[SPEAKER_03]: That's great.
32:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Did you actually eat some food?
32:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Are your kids still alive?
32:30
[SPEAKER_03]: You're nailing it like you're going through something.
32:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I think people aren't realizing that.
32:36
[SPEAKER_03]: The Bahama trips are not the win, the win is especially when you're in something like the win is that you got up and you try to get in today.
32:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think like reflecting on that is really important.
32:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I do think asking yourself what I want.
32:49
[SPEAKER_03]: That is because I often think people ask themselves that five years ago, but forgot to ask themselves four and three and two and today.
32:56
[SPEAKER_03]: And so they forget why they're doing what they're doing because they don't know what they, it's not what they want anymore, but they never check in.
33:03
[SPEAKER_01]: They never checked in and here's the catch.
33:05
[SPEAKER_01]: The answer won't come to you right away.
33:06
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not supposed to.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You're asking it's something deeper inside yourself that hasn't been listened to with all the noise.
33:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So once you put that there, you say, what do I want?
33:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Then overnight, who knows, may wake up in the morning and you've got an idea about something.
33:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's coming from that deep part of you.
33:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And
33:25
[SPEAKER_01]: There was how with Thurman, he was the mentor to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and he said that the greatest and the longest and hardest journey ever is a journey inward.
33:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And we avoid that journey because we don't think there's anything there.
33:40
[SPEAKER_01]: The answer is inside of us.
33:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We just don't take out time to really probe and ask ourselves that question.
33:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we're very good about asking other people questions, but we don't want to ask ourselves questions.
33:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's something that has evolved with me.
33:54
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, okay, you're good at asking questions and interviewing, but what about you?
34:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, what's behind that skin of yours?
34:03
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on?
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on, dude?
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, what we're doing the day.
34:06
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you want to start checking in and being like, okay, what's really the problem here.
34:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You got irritated with this person.
34:12
[SPEAKER_01]: They didn't do anything to you then you got to pull yourself a side and say, okay, what's happening.
34:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Why am I upset?
34:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's that self reflection, you know, of like, okay, you're upset because there's a number of things that you're ignoring.
34:25
[SPEAKER_01]: that you're putting to the side and you're feeling like people don't see you because you don't see yourself yeah so therefore you put that on other people and that's where would be very careful.
34:35
[SPEAKER_01]: with ourselves and just be patient and be kind to ourselves more often because that was a problem I had.
34:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to help myself to very high standards that I had to do this.
34:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to be this way.
34:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to be well polished.
34:49
[SPEAKER_01]: That's why now you're here some some curse words coming off of me because I'm just being natural.
34:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
34:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I can just I can go off and say, all these astute, you know, all these great words and make myself look very like articulate
35:06
[SPEAKER_01]: that's the truth and that's what people need to hear.
35:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would say, yeah, talk to yourself, ask yourself questions and be careful with who you ask information from.
35:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because that's where it gets you in trouble, you know, and a lot of times where people working
35:27
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, in environments where they may not be around the people that they choose to be around, I want to get to these people too, because a lot of people out there that are working in environments, they don't really want to be in, but they have a objective to get the hell out of there.
35:38
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the mean time, you're what people, you know, let's just say the work world's seven, eight hours a day.
35:42
[SPEAKER_01]: and then you're dealing with those people and then you're trying to get out of that environment what you have to be careful with what you listen to, how you conversate with them, and for a goodness sake, don't ask them for advice.
35:53
[SPEAKER_01]: If they're not doing what you're doing or if they haven't dove into what you are learning, do not ask them, please.
36:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.
36:01
[UNKNOWN]: Mm-hmm.
36:03
[SPEAKER_01]: No, don't confide in them.
36:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care how nice they are.
36:06
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's this thing to it came up about nice versus kind.
36:09
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And people get in trouble with this.
36:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, they're a nice person.
36:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Great.
36:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But do they have good intentions towards you?
36:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And most likely is, oddly not.
36:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Kind person.
36:20
[SPEAKER_01]: They just want to do good.
36:21
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't need nothing from you.
36:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
36:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So a lot of people get mixed up in that.
36:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So be careful.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say to people when you're in that moment where you're vulnerable.
36:29
[SPEAKER_01]: The vulnerable state.
36:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Guard that.
36:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Be careful.
36:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Be careful.
36:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Be careful.
36:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And one more thing about the grieving that you mentioned.
36:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I lost my father a few years ago.
36:40
[SPEAKER_01]: and I'm still grieving because he had such a powerful presence in my life.
36:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So grieving is not something we get over.
36:46
[SPEAKER_01]: We're not supposed to.
36:47
[SPEAKER_01]: We learn to live with it.
36:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And I cried multiple times and every now and then sometimes and I catch myself I'll just tear up but you know what I let it flow because that's how he impacted me and for the person that you just mentioned I would advise for them not to ignore that if you have a moment and you would somebody tell somebody hey you know what I got a moment I need to I'm having a moment right now I need to step away.
37:14
[SPEAKER_01]: it's okay to tell people that.
37:15
[SPEAKER_03]: It's actually kind.
37:17
[SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of being super, you're actually being the real authentic, you're like, million, you're letting people in, like, you know, a hold on, I know we're so stuff coffee right now.
37:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I just need to have a moment.
37:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, and like, you can have everyone have that moment, go into your card, take sex, time, whatever that is.
37:32
[SPEAKER_03]: But I do think people think that they have to get over a loss like that.
37:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And the grief coaches that I've interviewed on this podcast, what I have really understood is that like,
37:41
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't.
37:41
[SPEAKER_03]: That's why grief is so hard.
37:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Your brain has to learn new rhythms and new patterns because that person's not there and that person was part of a blanket that you've woven of your life.
37:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And so you're expecting that person where they repeat and they're not.
37:56
[SPEAKER_03]: So you have to weave a new pattern for your brain.
37:58
[SPEAKER_03]: It takes time.
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so takes time and that's all we've got.
38:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, the end of the day, we only have time, you know, and time doesn't go backwards, it doesn't go forward.
38:09
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just right there.
38:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And when we're grieving something or it could be, not just of someone in our family could be anything, could be a loss of an opportunity.
38:20
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a grieving thing.
38:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it could be a loss of a business or something.
38:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it could be anything.
38:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to just be mindful that we're human and that don't blame ourselves and don't beat ourselves up internally about it.
38:32
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to just know that this is something that's happened.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Now what can I do that can move me forward?
38:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it's just going to take time.
38:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Patience is what we have to have.
38:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you also, people don't realize that like, you could be excited about the next step and they're still grief for what you left behind.
38:51
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like I was so excited to move to Las Vegas,
38:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I still grieve that I closed a studio to do it, like, and I was very proud of that work, and I wasn't really actually ready to close that studio, but this is really exciting.
39:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So something can be exciting, and there's still a loss that's there that you have to go, oh, like, what about that on my bummed about?
39:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Where, like, you have to let those feelings happen.
39:11
[SPEAKER_03]: And I think that the more people actually self-reflect, the more they're going to find purpose in their life, they're going to figure it out.
39:19
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I find like people are looking
39:22
[SPEAKER_03]: to figure out their purposes.
39:23
[SPEAKER_03]: And I want to go back to your advice thing because I really think people have to hear this 17,000 times.
39:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And I love you brought up like you can have like that job that pays the bills, but don't ask those people for advice.
39:35
[SPEAKER_03]: That might even be family too.
39:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I love my they list this pod and sometimes I'll tell you personally.
39:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not asking for them advice.
39:41
[SPEAKER_03]: They're not entrepreneurs.
39:43
[SPEAKER_03]: their face is not the business.
39:45
[SPEAKER_03]: If they say the wrong thing, they don't have people who will be disappointed like hundreds of people.
39:51
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, so there's they're not the best people for advice.
39:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Could I tell them things?
39:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Of course, it's a difference.
39:57
[SPEAKER_03]: That's different.
39:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Telling people something, sharing your life with them is very different than asking them what to do.
40:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And so you really might need to take some time to write down like, who would be the best people in my life to ask advice from?
40:09
[SPEAKER_03]: If you don't have those people, like when I was, when I was first right now, I didn't have money or mentors.
40:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I had to go, okay, I listened to podcasts for like 2012, 2013.
40:18
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm like, this person makes a lot of sense.
40:21
[SPEAKER_03]: This is the person I'm going to enjoy for advice.
40:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And I would like search their pods to find the thing that I thought might be an answer to my question.
40:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Like sometimes it's that.
40:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes you don't even know the person you're asking advice from, but be intentional about that.
40:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I agree.
40:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You're being intentional and just knowing that you're going to vibe with people with certain white.
40:39
[SPEAKER_01]: There are some people out there in the industry when I first started that I that I liked and some that I didn't really vibe with.
40:45
[SPEAKER_01]: didn't mean that there was anything against them is just that everyone's different.
40:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I said, but also give us that, don't look at someone for their popularity, look at for how they make you feel, don't look at someone and say, oh, they've got millions of comments.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: They've got millions of likes.
41:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, they must know a lot.
41:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me listen to them.
41:03
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no, that's something that's going to get your attention.
41:08
[SPEAKER_01]: It's designed that way.
41:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
41:11
[SPEAKER_01]: How do they make you feel?
41:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
41:13
[SPEAKER_01]: No, how do they make you feel?
41:14
[SPEAKER_01]: How do they sound when you listen to them?
41:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, could you listen to them all day?
41:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Could you listen to them in your times of need?
41:20
[SPEAKER_01]: How do they make you feel?
41:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the important thing of connection that we're missing today.
41:25
[SPEAKER_01]: We're so quick to look at the external.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what is this person accomplished?
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Cool.
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Then they're credible.
41:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
41:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll follow.
41:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
41:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll subscribe.
41:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Awesome.
41:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll comment.
41:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
41:35
[SPEAKER_01]: They have a person over here.
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: They may have a lot less, but they got a lot more offered.
41:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're passing that up because you just look in that numbers here.
41:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I would encourage people that now it's a time for us to find guidance that aligns with our purpose of being and everyone, and there's over, I mean, people want to plan it right now.
41:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I think it was like a billion.
41:58
[SPEAKER_01]: eight billion people in a plan.
42:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I heard this stat one time, he said out of eight billion people.
42:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So out of that amount, no matter what you do in life, five percent of people are not gonna like you.
42:12
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not gonna vibe with you.
42:14
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not gonna connect with them.
42:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Five percent.
42:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So my math may be really off, I'm not gonna even say it, but it's in the millions.
42:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
42:20
[SPEAKER_01]: That you're gonna have a disconnect with people.
42:23
[SPEAKER_01]: No matter what you do, you could be well-polished, have everything together,
42:29
[SPEAKER_01]: They're funny.
42:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, they're going to, they're going to talk some shit about you because they just don't connect with you.
42:33
[SPEAKER_01]: They happen and they have no idea.
42:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they just go back around your pedigree.
42:38
[SPEAKER_01]: What you've done, they just want to see.
42:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, we all do it.
42:41
[SPEAKER_03]: We all do it.
42:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, like you, you see something on on your Instagram or social and you're like, just the first second.
42:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Don't like it.
42:50
[SPEAKER_03]: move on.
42:50
[SPEAKER_03]: You move on.
42:52
[SPEAKER_01]: You move on.
42:53
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, hey, not interested in it.
42:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what is this?
42:56
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this is silly.
42:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
42:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's part of us.
42:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Just we have a natural sense of either we connect, or we don't connect with certain things.
43:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that we're in this time we're living in now, for people we're very overstimulated.
43:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
43:08
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so much information.
43:10
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many solutions.
43:11
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so many offers and we don't know where to look.
43:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It reminds you of like when you're sitting down and you have that night where it's a movie night, right?
43:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're just like, hmm, let me watch a movie.
43:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me watch a TV show.
43:24
[SPEAKER_01]: In all of a sudden, you got all of these.
43:26
[SPEAKER_01]: these things, these options, applications, and you're going from this application to this application, this application before you know it, it's like 30, 40 minutes later.
43:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you just give up and say, you know what, just damn it, just pick something.
43:39
[SPEAKER_01]: big anything because you're tired of looking.
43:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what's happening with us.
43:42
[SPEAKER_01]: We're just picking anything now.
43:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We think is going to entertain us or bring us some type of joy.
43:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because we can't handle being bored.
43:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Adrian, I could talk to you literally for more hours, but we do have to wrap this up.
43:53
[SPEAKER_03]: So we're going to take a brief break.
43:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And then we're going to find our people can find you.
43:56
[SPEAKER_03]: Follow you listen to your voice for many, many hours and your beat action ends.
44:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Our Adrian, where do you hang out?
44:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Where can they listen to your podcast?
44:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so you can list them up podcast anywhere pretty much is called your purposeful life with Adrian Starks and don't say just go to my website Adrian Starks dot com you can listen to podcast from there you can go to my YouTube channel which has the videos you can also listen to some audio I have.
44:22
[SPEAKER_01]: affirmations that I've been doing lately as well.
44:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god, you do you have like if you don't you should have a patreon for like affirmations because if people are paying for you to be a narrator can you imagine every day you read me an affirmation or mantra I love that.
44:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I can do that Leslie.
44:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they can, yeah, they can go there to Adrian Starks.com.
44:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I just want to keep it simple for people.
44:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Go to Adrianstarks.com, all my social media handles of there.
44:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can just go wherever you choose and just be inspired and listen.
44:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you can, yeah, definitely subscribe to the podcast.
44:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It always helps, you know, to share it whenever you can.
45:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But more importantly, just know this that your purpose in life is not something you find.
45:07
[SPEAKER_01]: is something that you do and that is going to change is going to evolve with time and that's okay.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Having self-doubt is okay.
45:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Not knowing everything is okay and now we live in a time whether you're never too old.
45:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't put an age on anything to start something new or to pick up or you left off with something.
45:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god, those are beat action as if I ever heard any, like you just led right in and I'm obsessed with all of them.
45:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Great.
45:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Adrian Starks.
45:36
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so happy we did this.
45:37
[SPEAKER_03]: We waited way too long.
45:38
[SPEAKER_03]: We'll have to do this again.
45:39
[SPEAKER_03]: You'll have to be at some kind of a person who keeps going back on because you just have so much great wisdom.
45:44
[SPEAKER_03]: You guys share this with a friend who needs to hear it, share with a friend who's like stuck on like, what's my purpose?
45:49
[SPEAKER_03]: They need to hear this because it's like, it's like that Dr. Seuss book like, are you my mom?
45:54
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, it's like, that's not how you find it.
45:56
[SPEAKER_03]: It's got to be some self-reflection.
45:58
[SPEAKER_03]: So thank you.
45:59
[SPEAKER_03]: We'll do this again, and until next time, my love's be it, tell you, see it.
46:03
[SPEAKER_02]: That's all I got for this episode of The Be It Tell You See A Podcast.
46:07
[SPEAKER_02]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
46:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And follow or subscribe for free wherever you listen to your podcasts.
46:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Also, make sure to introduce yourself over at the Beat Pot on Instagram.
46:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I would love to know more about you, share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it, help us and others be a tell you see it.
46:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Have an awesome day!
46:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
46:34
[SPEAKER_02]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
46:46
[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
46:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by L.E.
46:57
[SPEAKER_00]: at Apex production music and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
47:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
47:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
47:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, the Meredith Root for keeping us all on point and on time.