Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Earthquake Comedy Special, Keep Ya Head Up, And Ya Ass Down (Full Stand-Up Special) 🤣🤣🤣

Transcript

Earthquake Comedy Special, Keep Ya Head Up, And Ya Ass Down (Full Stand-Up Special) 🤣🤣🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: From New York City, Comedy Central President.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Earthquake.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: New York.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: White people, yes.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: White people holler for ya.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: That goes deep.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Good to be in New York, cause I just got back from Alabama.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's good to be back in America.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I went to Alabama.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was the smartest brother in the whole state.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: People just coming up to me asking me questions, like, who the president?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, George Clinton.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: You don't wanna go to Alabama, it's hot down there, slave heat.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: It was like 98 degrees at three in the morning.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Alabama must got their own sun.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: I was hiding from the sun like it was the police.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Damn, it's still out there.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: It ain't gonna never go down.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: You don't wanna go down Alabama, it's primitive.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Don't take your phone down there.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Ain't no ATT, ain't no sprint.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: They call each other the old-fashioned way.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: They use pigeons.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: They write notes and put it on the pigeon leg.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: I went on my cousin's house, it was pigeons all on the porch.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's going on?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, earthquake, look at all them messages I got.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: One pigeon didn't even have a note, he just sent it back.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's that?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: He said, Oh, that's Star 69.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: One pigeon just was snurkeling the house.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I like, what's that?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: He said, That's called waiting.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: One pigeon tried to fly back, he just shot it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Pow! Now you know I got a block on my phone.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Gotta be careful down there.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Be hot down there.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm saying.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: I see some black people out here.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell y'all something.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Our ancestors were some bad people.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta give them something.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: We gotta give it to them.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because they were slaves.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Come on now, think about it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was down here in Alabama.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Ain't no way I could have been a celebrity.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: No way.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: Ain't no way I could have been picking that cotton in that kind of heat.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Sun up, sundown.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: No checks plus ass whoopings.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'd have done it for what five minutes.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Mass, I need to talk to you.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: What's wrong with you?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Pick a tree, pick a tree, pick a tree.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'd be damned if I'm gonna do this my whole life.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: White people talking about Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: No, he didn't.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Polyester did.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: They stopped wearing cotton the head to let us go.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Telling you.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And this New York, you see everything in New York.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: I seen a blind pimp.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he was beating the wrong hoes.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: He was slapping working with the pimp.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Where you been?
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I don't work for you.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: He was standing on the wrong corner.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: His women be paying him in monopoly money.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: I saw them at the bar.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Look at all these 500.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: My women be working.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: I got a lot of respect for pimps now that I'm married.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: I do, because a pimp can put a woman on the corner and sell, make her sell her most prized possession and then bring the money back.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: I've been hanging around married men for the last, what, six months?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I know brothers that have been married to their high school sweetheart and work three jobs and can't get that bitch to fix them a sandwich.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So who the real hoe?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's the truth.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I got married.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: Marriage is rough.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, marriage is rough.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Marriage is like having cable, just one channel.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Same thing come on every day.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And when you get married, you gotta hang around other married people.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: I got a boy that was married, been married for six years, videotaped his wedding day, never watched it.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Six years later, now he watches it every day, but he watched it in reverse.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: I asked him, he said, I love seeing myself take that ring back off her.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Walking back down that aisle, just waving at her ugly mother, getting back in the limo back at the bachelor party.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Look how happy I was.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't smiled like this since I married her.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Marriage was rough.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: People don't understand it.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta keep it.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because I got kids, got three kids.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Two of them mine, one of them don't look like me.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna get a blood test, but that cost$2,500.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I'll wait till he falls out and cut himself.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because kids are deep, man, because that child support is whoo, it'll break you out.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: I'm allergic to child support because when you, ooh, I am, because when you owe the black woman money, she'll find you.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: My real name ain't Earthquake.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm on the run.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: And child support should be a set rate.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care what nobody says, it should be a set rate.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: I pay$2,000 a month per child.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, that's what I say to the judge.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Damn.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: What my kids don't crack.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: I need a rehab center or something.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: $2,000?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't understand it because I pay$2,000 a month myself.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: My daughter got a brother, which ain't my son.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: His father only paid$200.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And they live in the same house.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: How I get the$2,000 chart?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: We need to flip again.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Judge's gonna ask me, well, how much you wanna pay?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I like, I wanna play like they pay over after 39 cents a day.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: They can go to school and everything.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Why my child need 2,000?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Used to go to church, but church getting too expensive.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Cover charge is a bitch.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: I went one Sunday, they was passing around eight, nine plates.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: I just pulled my own plate out, pass that around.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's for earthquake.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm shrunk this week.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: I need some help.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: Look here, Miss Jones.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: We you get help every week.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let somebody else in the congregation get some help.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: I read the Bible.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I know I gotta pay my tithes, my 10%.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I give God his money when I see him.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if he asked me why I was holding on to it, I said it was a lot of false prophets on earth.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't know who to give your money to.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I ain't wanna give it to the wrong person, still owe you when I got up here.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And ain't no sense of pain if I didn't make the list.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm gonna need that money for cold water air conditioner.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's a true baller.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: You in hell with cold water air conditioner, you a baller.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: I used to be a Catholic, but I, you know, we had a lot of problems.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: But I knew the Catholic Church had long problems a long time ago.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: When I seen the Pope went to St.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: Louis in a bulletproof limo.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, damn, where's his faith?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: He's God's right-hand man.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: He don't supposed to be in no limo like he, puffy.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Bless the people out the sunroof.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Who needs water, who needs bread.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: But you gotta keep it real.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: See, we got black people in here.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I love black people, we're good.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because I am black, we we done came a long way.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know it, trying to get a black show.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, black people late by nature.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's some slaves still on their way over here.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Some people say Jesus was black.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if that was true or not, but that would explain why it's taking them so long to come back.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know who wasn't black.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care what nobody says.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Noah was not black.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Noah and his family couldn't been black because there's no way no black family was on no boat for 40 days and 40 nights and didn't eat them two chickens.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: White dude, don't even want to laugh.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: God would have been mad at them, brothers.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't I tell you get two chickens?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not them chickens, keep us, Lord.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And you a pig short.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Chicken would have got on TV, got up in heaven, would have told all the stories.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: You should have seen what they did to me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: They ate my leg, my foot, and everything.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Ate my unborn children, just scrambling up, put cheese on them.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: You put me on a boat with cannibals.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's why you gotta keep it real.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta give white people their credit too.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I like working for white people.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, gotta get good jobs.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Best job I ever had was working in the cleaners.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: That was a good job.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I cried like a bitch when they fired me.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: They fired me for wearing other people's clothes.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I be at the club like women, let me be saying, Earthquake always got something new on.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: I never see him in the same outfit.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes he changed clothes at the club.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: My boy, like, let me wear that shirt.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: I say, I would, dog, but he's coming to pick it up tomorrow.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Dude bringing a leather coat when it be ready.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: I said the summertime.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Take six months to clean this jacket.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you who you don't want to work with.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Mexicans.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, they make a brother look bad on the job.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: They don't take no breaks or nothing.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: They work eight straight hours, skip lunch, and everything.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh Lord.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was working with some Mexicans.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: We were putting roofs up.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: They put a roof up in 30 minutes.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: I had to get up on the roof and be like, take a break, you're American now.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Take a break.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: They gave us eight hours.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: What you rushing for?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: They just gonna give us another roof.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can't put all the roofs up.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: And Mexicans don't have no job description.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: They do everything.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: They like Walmart.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: They one slop chopping.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: White lady says something wrong with the tree.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: The Mexican was in the tree.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, get your ass down.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: We roof us.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't supposed to be in no tree.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: And what you doing with them oranges?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Put them back in the car.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Tell you the truth.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Love beautiful black women.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: I got a beautiful black woman.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Love black woman.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: Burnt black.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Slay black.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: I love my woman so black, I just like her to lay in the bed, look like a hole in the sheets.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta feel for where you at?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: Here I is.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna mess with a white woman, but I don't know how to pick them up.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: They don't mess with brothers like me.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta work on my approach.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I be trying to get them.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: I go up like, how you doing, white woman?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: She just grabbed her purse and ran on the street.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I like that's racism, Becky.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's racism.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to get them.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Gotta work on my approach.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know how to get sisters.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: I got 30 years practice of that.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: All you gotta do is go to the club and say, I got that rent money.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: Since I told you this club be off the change.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: Fellas be paying bills.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because a sister lets you know she needs help.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: She'll lay all the bills on the bed.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I just knock them on the floor.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't the type of man to get in your business.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's between you and that man in the envelope.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: You said you was independent.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: Let's stay consistent.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: You have to find the right one.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because I tried.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because marriage, like I told you, is deep.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody live in LA.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: People get divorced all the time.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Told my wife, it's death doors.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I told God.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna love you to the day I die.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Now I told God, I don't lie to God now.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how you roll, but we ain't separating.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And whatever it took me to get you, I'm gonna do to the day I die.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you tell me I gotta be home every night at 2 o'clock in the morning, it could be 1.58 and a brother running home.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm gonna go back out at 201.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I was home at 2 o'clock.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't wanna hear nothing from you.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: And living in LA, they got this thing called irreconcilable difference.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: That means you can get a divorce just like that.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: Nah, you don't love me no more, I don't turn you on no more.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool, but ain't no leaving.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Bitch, we roommates.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: Don't fix up another room around the house.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: Life is a long time.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: We'll fall back in love together.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: We will.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: And whatever it took me, come on.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do it for you, baby.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm your husband, and I'm still gonna do all the duties as your husband.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna do all the duties as my wife.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna cut the grass, I'm gonna pay all the bills, and you're gonna do all your duties.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when I'm in the mood, I knock on the door.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Who is it?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's the landlord.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm here to collect your half of the rent.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: You ain't even gotta wake up, just roll on over.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people go to jail too.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: I can't go to jail.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Can't.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of young brothers in jail.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't laugh, all of us do the stuff.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm the only brother got caught.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know you go on the supermarket, eat a couple grapes, have a few cookies, make a sandwich, use some of the lotion, put it back on the counter.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: Say it 35% free, that's mine.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Talking about time.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: I got a cousin, he's in jail for life.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Life.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Calls me three times a day.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I had to tell him yesterday, look, man, you're gonna be in there a long time.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: You need to stretch these damn calls out.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know what to tell a brother without no future.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: What you tell him?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: What do you say on the phone?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Keep your head up and your ass down.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Cause it is.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: I can't do it.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even stay in my room an hour.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about choices.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I had choices.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: Dudes asked me, come on, Quake, be on my team.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Big drug, they're like, nah, man, you don't want me on your team.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: He like, I trust you.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: I like, don't trust me.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a weak link.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: He said, we grew up together.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: We close.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: I say, I know we're close.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Cause if they catch me, brother, they caught us.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm a snitcher.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Let the judge say I got 25 years.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: I need to talk to the DA.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: It was all them brothers you're honored and my mother too.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: Come on up here, mama.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, you saw that cocaine coming in the house.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: How you thought I got this Rolex?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Tell them what you know, mama.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: You 80 years old, you done live your life.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let me live my life, mama.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: They ain't gonna do nothing to you.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: And something else I don't understand, please.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: The death row.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Death row, they're gonna tell you the day they're gonna kill you and expect you to be there.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: We all we all know we're gonna die, but we don't know the date.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: They give you the date.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm coming to get you next Thursday.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: So don't plan nothing the rest of the week.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: They give you a calendar and the rest of the prisoners just be messing with you.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: So what you doing this Friday?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's right, you ain't even gonna be here.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I say a lot of different stuff.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't understand how anybody could be racist.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: All of us got retarded kids.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's the truth.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: Little black kids are dangerous too.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: I went, I took my daughter to the zoo.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: To the zoo.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Brothers was shooting at the zoo.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: What you need a gun at the zoo for?
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: What you a hunter?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: I went back three weeks later.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Took my daughter back.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: Now the animals are racial profiling.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Lion won't even come out the cage if he sees a black man.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: He'll go with two to get.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I ain't messing with the brother.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: But you give a white kid, y'all, white kid, ooh, y'all some dead, y'all got some dangerous kids too.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: You give a white kid a napkin and some duck sauce, they'll make a bomb.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: But one thing about white people, they defend their kids on TV, don't they?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: Billy didn't do it.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Billy didn't do it.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Three weeks later, I don't know why Billy did it.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: Billy done had 14 bombs in the basement.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know Billy did it.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's what y'all be saying.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Black people say, Yeah, you did.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: You had to know.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: They didn't know.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because being around white people now, I understand they have a privilege we'll never have.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: White people can be their kids' parents and friends.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: As black people, we can only be our kids' parents.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Soon as they're old enough, we got to let them know what's up.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Take their childhood away from them, because things will kill them.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, uh-uh, put your chain down there, they'll rob you.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: Keep your hand on the wheel.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: You might think that's two guns.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: So when your mother is your friend and your parent, you can make requests like they make requests to their parents.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Right, kids.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Look here, mommy.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: I want to use the garage for a whole week and promise me you're not gonna come in there.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Billy.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: He down there making a nuke.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Lights are flickering, the cable ain't working.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: She had the door.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know he's doing something, but I gave him my word.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna go in there.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to break my promise.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, black people, you bet not close no door at your mother's house.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: You could be buck naked.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: Lotion yourself in.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: She'll kick the door.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: That go to lotion.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: You leave a lotion out here for everybody to use.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm up here late for work looking for lotion.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Pack your get out of here.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Pack your stuff and get up out of here.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: See y'all later, my name is the time.