Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Maller Kentucky Pizza

Transcript

The Fifth Hour: Maller Kentucky Pizza · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kabooms.
0:02
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the old republic. A sole fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
0:18
Speaker 1: Wow.
0:18
Speaker 2: The clearing House of Hot takes break free for something special.
0:22
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
0:29
Speaker 3: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour for Shizzle with
0:36
Speaker 3: me Big Ben, hanging out in the catbird seat here
0:41
Speaker 3: over the Malard Militia.
0:44
Speaker 1: A very important podcast. We're not gonna waste time. We're
0:47
Speaker 1: gonna get to the point. Get to the point. Please
0:50
Speaker 1: don't bur leave my man. So we have the big
0:53
Speaker 1: Lebowski kind of and very barry. However, to get there,
0:59
Speaker 1: we start with this. So nobody tells you this when
1:02
Speaker 1: you're growing up, when you're young, But adulthood is mostly
1:07
Speaker 1: collecting things. And one of the things that you have
1:11
Speaker 1: to collect as you get older are guys, not friends,
1:16
Speaker 1: not acquaintances, not even co workers. One of the guys
1:21
Speaker 1: you get a plumber guy, a car guy. That's very important.
1:26
Speaker 1: I need I get the car guy that knows how
1:29
Speaker 1: to fix it and won't charge me as much as
1:32
Speaker 1: the dealer that's gonna just attack me. You got the
1:36
Speaker 1: Dennis guy who says not gonna hurt you, and then
1:40
Speaker 1: immediately hurts you. The tax guy who examines all of
1:46
Speaker 1: your financial paperwork like it's a crime scene. And if
1:50
Speaker 1: you're lucky, if all the planets line up, if the
1:55
Speaker 1: universe smiles on you for five seconds, you get a
1:59
Speaker 1: guy who knows other guys, which is the most important
2:05
Speaker 1: guy in life. Now, I am not that person. I
2:11
Speaker 1: am not I know a few people, I don't know everybody.
2:15
Speaker 1: I'm the opposite. I'm the guy who googles how to
2:19
Speaker 1: fix leaking sink at two in the morning on the
2:24
Speaker 1: weekend while the water is actively shooting everywhere in the kitchen.
2:32
Speaker 1: I'm the guy who thinks maybe I'm good with money
2:36
Speaker 1: right before I decide I don't need to buy bitcoin
2:39
Speaker 1: when it's reasonable. That's not. No one's gonna buy bitcoin,
2:43
Speaker 1: No one's gonna want bitcoin. Yeah, And then those decisions
2:48
Speaker 1: lead me to the life that I have today. And
2:51
Speaker 1: so I am a one man traveling road show of
2:58
Speaker 1: debacles and a little incompetence here there, and everywhere, so
3:03
Speaker 1: obviously not a humble brag, more of a cry for help. However,
3:08
Speaker 1: as you get older, and I say this as someone
3:11
Speaker 1: who now stretches before you get out of bed, you
3:15
Speaker 1: begin to accumulate things. And I'm not just talking about
3:20
Speaker 1: junk in the garage that will end up in a landfill. No,
3:25
Speaker 1: not just receipts you swear you're going to organize, or
3:30
Speaker 1: the stuff that you collect. But one of the things
3:33
Speaker 1: you need to collect is people and specialists, experts, human
3:38
Speaker 1: cheat codes. It makes it so much easier to get
3:41
Speaker 1: through life. Everyone needs a guy, or if you want
3:46
Speaker 1: to get philosophical about it, everyone needs the dude from
3:50
Speaker 1: the Big Lebowski. Now, the dude doesn't panic, the dude
3:55
Speaker 1: doesn't scramble. The dude just abides and somehow things work out.
4:00
Speaker 1: That's the dream. I do not abide. I unravel. However,
4:05
Speaker 1: every once in a while I have stumbled over my
4:09
Speaker 1: life into complete competence by borrowing someone else's. Which brings
4:16
Speaker 1: us to the main event, the Mather Meet and Greet,
4:20
Speaker 1: the first one of twenty twenty six in the Cincinnati area.
4:25
Speaker 1: After some swings and missus and I want to thank
4:29
Speaker 1: ohioal and some of the other boys who were out
4:32
Speaker 1: boots on the ground trying to make this happen. And
4:36
Speaker 1: I had some people reach out that were interested, and
4:38
Speaker 1: then they had other events and things like that. So
4:42
Speaker 1: at one point I said, you know what I'm gonna do.
4:45
Speaker 1: I have someone I know I can contact who's the dude,
4:50
Speaker 1: and the dude is going to make this happen because
4:53
Speaker 1: the dude, again doesn't panic, doesn't scramble. The dude just
4:57
Speaker 1: gets it done. That dude in this diddy is Andy Furman,
5:02
Speaker 1: the honorary Mayor of Cincinnati, the Chamber of Commerce of Cincinnati. Now,
5:08
Speaker 1: Andy explained to me that he was happy to know
5:13
Speaker 1: he listens to the show, and he was happy to
5:16
Speaker 1: hear from me and all that stuff. And then I
5:17
Speaker 1: explained my situation and since Andy is not only the dude,
5:22
Speaker 1: he's also a made man in that town, he's the
5:24
Speaker 1: mister Cincinnati sports Talk, he immediately said, I got a guy.
5:29
Speaker 1: I got a guy. Now, Andy my colleague at Fox
5:32
Speaker 1: Sports Radio and he works early on Sunday, and I
5:35
Speaker 1: love Andy. One of my favorite memories with Andy Fourman
5:38
Speaker 1: was when he and Mike North were our morning show
5:41
Speaker 1: at Fox and they came out to La together. So
5:44
Speaker 1: she had Mike North, mister Chicago hot dog vendor guy,
5:48
Speaker 1: Hall of Famer, Andy Furman, who, if he's not in
5:51
Speaker 1: the Hall of Fame, should be in the Hall of Fame,
5:53
Speaker 1: couple of season grizzled radio guys back in the heyday
5:56
Speaker 1: of talk radio, back in the in the eighties. And
6:01
Speaker 1: so it was just just great, just tremendous characters. And
6:05
Speaker 1: so Andy is the human version of a paranoid Swiss
6:09
Speaker 1: army Knife, except instead of scissors and a corkscrew, Andy's
6:15
Speaker 1: got connections, he's got credibility, he's got cachet, He's very likable,
6:22
Speaker 1: He's debonair Andy Furman. And he put me in contact
6:26
Speaker 1: with Steve. Who's Steve. I don't know who Steve is.
6:29
Speaker 1: Who's Steve Well. Steve and his wife Cindy run a
6:34
Speaker 1: mom and pop pizza shop in the Cincinnati area. And
6:39
Speaker 1: I got a hold of Steve, actually he got a
6:42
Speaker 1: hold of me. It took a couple of days we connected.
6:44
Speaker 1: Steve explained that they just reopened the venue, which naturally
6:50
Speaker 1: added immediately a layer of anxiety. Because nothing says confidence.
6:57
Speaker 1: I've got confidence like planning a major event at a
7:00
Speaker 1: place that may or may not still have boxes and
7:04
Speaker 1: boxes piled up in the corner labeled miscellaneous wires and junk. However,
7:12
Speaker 1: Steve was very reassuring. He was a calm, competent man
7:17
Speaker 1: who sounded like he could both make the perfect pizza
7:21
Speaker 1: and fix a leaky faucet without breaking eye contact and
7:26
Speaker 1: working up any kind of a sweat. So here we are,
7:31
Speaker 1: without further ado, the twenty twenty six Malar Meet and
7:36
Speaker 1: greet in the Cincinnati area will take place at Strong's
7:42
Speaker 1: Brick Oven Pizzeria. Let me repeat that for those of
7:46
Speaker 1: you in the back of the room. The Malard Meet
7:49
Speaker 1: and greet will take place at Strong's Brick Oven Pizzeria. Now,
7:53
Speaker 1: it is important that you pay attention because there are
7:55
Speaker 1: multiple locations. It's a small chain in the Cincinnati area.
8:00
Speaker 1: The location that I will be at, the location if
8:04
Speaker 1: you want to go to this, you need to show
8:07
Speaker 1: up to is seven oh eight Monmouth Street in Newport, Kentucky.
8:14
Speaker 1: That's four to one oh seven to one. The zip
8:16
Speaker 1: code again, seven eight Monmouth Street, Newport, Kentucky. Four to
8:23
Speaker 1: one seven one is the zip that's right. The Malard
8:27
Speaker 1: Militia we'll descend upon Newport, Kentucky like a traveling circus,
8:33
Speaker 1: except instead of having elephants and zebras and drafts and
8:39
Speaker 1: all that, we have beautiful people. A side show. We've
8:43
Speaker 1: got the bearded lady over there, the human cannonball, the
8:46
Speaker 1: snake charmer, all of that, and I love I just
8:51
Speaker 1: love it. I think it's great. Now again, for the record,
8:55
Speaker 1: the location is in Newport, Kentucky. It is in the
8:59
Speaker 1: Cincinnati geographical area. It is right across the Ohio River
9:04
Speaker 1: from Cincinnati. I looked it up. It is a brisk
9:08
Speaker 1: one point three mile walk about twenty five minutes from
9:12
Speaker 1: the venue the Pizza Place to the Great American Ballpark,
9:16
Speaker 1: right across the Taylor Southgate Bridge. I have no idea
9:19
Speaker 1: what that is, but apparently that's a thing. And you
9:22
Speaker 1: go across the bridge, boom, You're right there, close enough
9:26
Speaker 1: to smell the hot dogs from the Reds Tigers game, however,
9:30
Speaker 1: far enough to avoid foul balls. It's geographically desirable and
9:36
Speaker 1: it's got purpose, so I'm excited about that. I am
9:39
Speaker 1: still debating whether or not to go to the Reds
9:41
Speaker 1: game that night. If you guys are interested, reach out
9:44
Speaker 1: to me at either benmallorshow at gmail dot com or
9:48
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Reds are playing
9:51
Speaker 1: the Tigers that night. I'd like to see the ballpark.
9:55
Speaker 1: Back when I did stuff with the Dodgers, they still
9:58
Speaker 1: played it like Riverfront Stadium forget sakes, but the Reds.
10:01
Speaker 1: So anyway, I'd like to check check that out. It is.
10:05
Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun now. Secondly, the vibe this restaurant,
10:09
Speaker 1: brick oven pizza sounds great. It looks amazing for those
10:15
Speaker 1: of you that are blind that can't see the photos,
10:17
Speaker 1: old world Italian recipes. They got those rotating what you're
10:22
Speaker 1: might call its the oven things that rotate, which, by
10:25
Speaker 1: the way, I assume have moods. Those those rotating things.
10:30
Speaker 1: They must not like that all the time. This is annoying.
10:33
Speaker 1: Can we stop making pizza? I picture the oven waking
10:38
Speaker 1: up in the morning like, you know what today we're
10:42
Speaker 1: gonna cook? But I don't. I don't know that I
10:44
Speaker 1: want to cook today. Maybe I don't. Maybe I'll break
10:46
Speaker 1: down now. Third, the menu, and this is where things
10:50
Speaker 1: get dangerous. This is gonna be this. This is great.
10:53
Speaker 1: So we have the Menu's got your traditional pizza pies
10:57
Speaker 1: and all that. Some of the more exotic items. They
10:59
Speaker 1: have garlic mashed potato pizza. I've never heard of a
11:02
Speaker 1: garlic mashed potato pizza. Man, that sounds pretty cool. That
11:06
Speaker 1: sounds cool. I don't know who invented that. I have
11:09
Speaker 1: no idea. I assume they were either culinary geniuses or
11:13
Speaker 1: they had not slept in three days. We're hanging out
11:16
Speaker 1: with Jed, who fled. Now they have the traditional fair
11:19
Speaker 1: mazzarella sticks, meatballs, wings, Canoli's apple pie pizza, which feels
11:24
Speaker 1: like dessert and life got together and said, all right,
11:30
Speaker 1: this is what you're gonna do in your life, and
11:32
Speaker 1: that's it. And well, dessert, I don't know that I
11:35
Speaker 1: want that in my life. Well no, no, no, no, no,
11:36
Speaker 1: I'm dessert, and I'm telling you what you want in
11:38
Speaker 1: your life. And you're gonna have a canola and then
11:40
Speaker 1: you're gonna have an apple pie pizza. But I don't
11:41
Speaker 1: even know what an apple pie pizza is. Well, it's
11:43
Speaker 1: apple pie on top of a pizza. Okay, fine, so
11:46
Speaker 1: this isn't This is not a menu. This is a
11:48
Speaker 1: commitment and I am going to over commit now the
11:52
Speaker 1: event itself again, I gotta repeat this. It's a podcast.
11:55
Speaker 1: April twenty fifth. I'll put this stuff on social media
11:59
Speaker 1: April twenty five fifth, two pm to five pm. There's
12:03
Speaker 1: a three hour window, a three hour tour if you
12:07
Speaker 1: get that reference, So three hours of controlled anarchy. Can't
12:12
Speaker 1: we all get along or uncontrolled? We'll see about that.
12:17
Speaker 1: I don't want to over sell over sell this. I'm
12:22
Speaker 1: the one that put this together. Normally, I have other
12:24
Speaker 1: people do this, not because I can't do it. I
12:28
Speaker 1: just don't like doing it. I don't know how good
12:30
Speaker 1: I am at that. I'm the one that helped put
12:33
Speaker 1: this thing together along with as we mentioned, the dude
12:36
Speaker 1: Andy Furman. I will be wearing a shirt that says
12:39
Speaker 1: approachable but not too approachable. I will have a special
12:42
Speaker 1: hat that I am getting. When I go to these
12:45
Speaker 1: mallor meet and greets, I try to pick up an
12:47
Speaker 1: item that is special for that event. So I will
12:51
Speaker 1: pick up a special hat for the Cincinnati meet and greet.
12:54
Speaker 1: That may upset some people. I'll explain why it's allowed.
12:57
Speaker 1: There's a loophole with a hat that is allowed. So
13:01
Speaker 1: why are we doing this now? The reason, the main
13:04
Speaker 1: reason we're doing this is because of Dick Dick from Dayton,
13:09
Speaker 1: get your mind on the gutter Dick from Dayton, who
13:11
Speaker 1: has been calling the Ben Maler Show for over twenty years.
13:14
Speaker 1: I was doing weekends when Dick started calling's show. It
13:17
Speaker 1: was Thanksgiving weekend. I was filling in on Thanksgiving and
13:23
Speaker 1: Dick called in all excited and jolly that he's a
13:26
Speaker 1: jolly good fellow. It's lucky, Tony would say, which nobody
13:30
Speaker 1: can deny, except they didn't curse like he did. So anyway,
13:33
Speaker 1: Dick has called the show for twenty years. He called
13:35
Speaker 1: up Thanksgiving night by himself, a lonely man asked. I
13:39
Speaker 1: asked him how much he spent for Thanksgiving dinner. He said,
13:41
Speaker 1: I spent five dollars. The legend was born. So we're
13:45
Speaker 1: gonna welcome the Dixter and have him the star of
13:51
Speaker 1: the show. I also want to thank you the mall milissue.
13:54
Speaker 1: We've done very well. I'm very blessed to be able
13:58
Speaker 1: to have the show that I have and to be
14:00
Speaker 1: on in all these different places, and you guys in
14:04
Speaker 1: the Cincinnati area have been amazing. Over the years. We've
14:07
Speaker 1: gotten some of the great bits that we've done. Some
14:09
Speaker 1: of the great characters have come from that area. So
14:13
Speaker 1: I'm excited to go check it out. And I really
14:15
Speaker 1: haven't spent too much time in that area, so I'll
14:18
Speaker 1: get to spend the weekend there. It's gonna be a
14:20
Speaker 1: lot of fun, and we will prove that the voices
14:23
Speaker 1: in the night are attached to actual human beings. And
14:27
Speaker 1: so this is less a meet and greet and more
14:29
Speaker 1: of a social experiment, if you will. So, who's showing up?
14:36
Speaker 1: We have no idea. I told Steve, who owns and
14:39
Speaker 1: operates as the mom and pop this branch of the
14:43
Speaker 1: pizza place, Strong's Brickop and Pizza. I said, he, you know,
14:47
Speaker 1: we were talking about the events. I have no idea.
14:50
Speaker 1: I don't know who's going to show up. I know who,
14:52
Speaker 1: in a perfect world I would love to see show up.
14:55
Speaker 1: I know who I really want to show up and
14:58
Speaker 1: be part of this event, and and I think it
15:00
Speaker 1: would be great. It'd be great if they would would
15:03
Speaker 1: be able to do ten. But I don't know. I
15:05
Speaker 1: have no idea. I don't I don't really know who's
15:07
Speaker 1: showing up. It's just casual. If you want to show up,
15:11
Speaker 1: show up. You know stars of the show far out,
15:14
Speaker 1: Dave Justin who's known as Justin, and Cincinnati just Josh
15:21
Speaker 1: the great musician who's a big part of this podcast.
15:24
Speaker 1: Ohio Al can't close the deal. Neil is going to
15:28
Speaker 1: drive down from Indiana. Dave from Dayton hopefully will be there.
15:33
Speaker 1: Joe the ghost Hunter and his wife, which, by the way,
15:36
Speaker 1: raises questions. I'm sure his wife is going to be like,
15:38
Speaker 1: why the f why the f am I here? And
15:42
Speaker 1: what do you do? Strip Club John from up in
15:46
Speaker 1: Cleveland has been invited. No follow up questions please. Robbie
15:51
Speaker 1: the Mariner fan, who was on this podcast last weekend,
15:53
Speaker 1: did a great job on the mail bag flying in
15:56
Speaker 1: from the Pacific Northwest because clearly he makes excellent life choices.
16:02
Speaker 1: Possibly Queen Roxanne from Denver, she's hinted she might fly in.
16:07
Speaker 1: One of our guys from Pittsburgh says he's coming down
16:10
Speaker 1: to say hello and bring some delicious treats. So we'll
16:15
Speaker 1: see about that. And these are not attendees. These are
16:19
Speaker 1: the Avengers. These are the freaking Avengers. Okay, these are
16:22
Speaker 1: some big, powerful people on the show. And then there's me,
16:26
Speaker 1: my fat ass will be there, the guy who somehow
16:29
Speaker 1: put this together without any assistance from the wife, while
16:33
Speaker 1: not being capable of organizing my own sock drawer. So
16:37
Speaker 1: there will be live music. Dick from Dayton will be performing.
16:41
Speaker 1: I've planned this out. I believe all of these events
16:44
Speaker 1: should last ninety minutes. However, this is rare and appropriate.
16:49
Speaker 1: It's rare and appropriate, and I'm not the benevolent overlord
16:53
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. I feel like listen since this
16:57
Speaker 1: is I don't know if this is all happened again,
16:59
Speaker 1: I have no idea. It could be the only thing
17:00
Speaker 1: that happens in Ohio or I guess technically Kentucky. So
17:06
Speaker 1: I want to give it a little extra time to breathe.
17:08
Speaker 1: And so I thought, to break up the monotony, we
17:11
Speaker 1: will have it ninety minutes of just hello, Let's have
17:15
Speaker 1: some pizza, Let's have a good time. We'll have that,
17:19
Speaker 1: and then after that ninety minute mark Dick and Dayton
17:22
Speaker 1: will perform. I believe he said, if I remember correctly,
17:25
Speaker 1: the yukulele. I think he said he you can bring
17:27
Speaker 1: the ukulele. And that's right. When the pizza has settled,
17:31
Speaker 1: the conversations have gotten a little stale, a little weird.
17:35
Speaker 1: Some of the boys have gone out to smoke some weed,
17:37
Speaker 1: which I can make sure that's allowed before you get
17:40
Speaker 1: in trouble. Timing is everything right? There will be a
17:43
Speaker 1: team photo. Now this is to me, this is the
17:46
Speaker 1: quintessential part of this, the team photo. The malor militia
17:52
Speaker 1: assemble like it's little League. We all get around. We
17:56
Speaker 1: you know, somebody takes a photo. It works at the restaurant,
17:59
Speaker 1: a collection of very unique personalities, very unique personalities, opinions,
18:06
Speaker 1: a lot of questionable dietary decisions. Hopefully not too many
18:10
Speaker 1: people bedraggled and just frazzled from life. And we would
18:16
Speaker 1: recommend showers. That would be good. We recommend showers. That
18:20
Speaker 1: photo will be frozen in time and we'll all we
18:23
Speaker 1: all get older, if we're lucky, we get older, and
18:25
Speaker 1: then we'll look back and we'll like, I remember that
18:27
Speaker 1: day I'm in the photo. It makes for a really
18:30
Speaker 1: good Christmas card, really good. So that'll be the intermission.
18:34
Speaker 1: So Dick and Dayton's going to get up to a
18:36
Speaker 1: couple of songs about ninety minutes in and then most
18:39
Speaker 1: likely about two hours in. So this thing goes from
18:43
Speaker 1: two to five, so about four o'clock we'll take the
18:48
Speaker 1: photo about four o'clock. Don't hold me to that. That's
18:51
Speaker 1: the plan. Best laid plan of mice men and those
18:55
Speaker 1: that want to tear up the dance floor. So that's
18:58
Speaker 1: that's the main event. These things, they matter, they're for
19:02
Speaker 1: some people, they're bucket list items. I've gotten some very
19:04
Speaker 1: nice messages from people that like, hey, you know some
19:07
Speaker 1: of you guys your wives have reached out to me,
19:09
Speaker 1: which I thought was very sweet. And I hope I
19:12
Speaker 1: wrote back to everybody. I probably didn't. I apologize for
19:16
Speaker 1: that bad job by me get tons of email. I
19:19
Speaker 1: barely have enough time to keep my eyeballs above water.
19:23
Speaker 1: Still should be writing back to people anyway. So for
19:26
Speaker 1: some it's a bucket list item. And I want you
19:29
Speaker 1: to be aware. If you go to this thing and
19:32
Speaker 1: you're dragging your wife or your girlfriend or your kids,
19:35
Speaker 1: let them know this is not fancy. We don't do fancy.
19:38
Speaker 1: We don't These things are not polished. They're not which
19:43
Speaker 1: makes them a lot of fun. They're real. They're real
19:47
Speaker 1: and in a world of screens, devices and all that,
19:51
Speaker 1: and handles and avatars, and this is actual human interaction.
19:57
Speaker 1: And I love hearing stories. I want to hear your
20:01
Speaker 1: situation and what brought you to the show and all that.
20:04
Speaker 1: I think that'd be great. We'll have some handshakes, There'll
20:07
Speaker 1: be some conversations about random things, not necessarily about sports.
20:12
Speaker 1: You'll talk about the show. You'll complain about Eddie not
20:15
Speaker 1: being on the show. I'll agree with you. We'll move on,
20:19
Speaker 1: We'll take some more photos. There'll be some awkward silence.
20:22
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. Also, I
20:26
Speaker 1: will probably eat too much. That's part of the experience.
20:29
Speaker 1: Rare and appropriate. Rare and appropriate. And yes, after all
20:33
Speaker 1: the speculation, all the consternation, all the wandering, we did
20:39
Speaker 1: find a place. Or more accurately, the dude, my guy,
20:45
Speaker 1: helped me find a place. And I am grateful for that.
20:49
Speaker 1: So it's just wonderfu. What a what a mensch, what
20:53
Speaker 1: an absolute mention. Andy Furman is and everyone needs a guy,
20:57
Speaker 1: Am Sugarnah and and Andy in this story, Andy is
21:02
Speaker 1: my guy, and he's Cincinnati sports radio legend. So I'm
21:06
Speaker 1: happy that he was able to help us out, happy
21:08
Speaker 1: to have him as a as a friend. All right. Now,
21:11
Speaker 1: the other day, just Josh we mentioned him. He's in
21:14
Speaker 1: the Cincinnati area, So just Josh shropped the name Andy
21:18
Speaker 1: vans Like and it triggered something boom goes to the
21:24
Speaker 1: dynamite like a thunderclap over the mighty alleghany I was
21:29
Speaker 1: transported back to one of the most brutally honest, spine stiffening,
21:35
Speaker 1: truth telling quotes in the history of sports. You see,
21:41
Speaker 1: Andy Vanske was speaking about his teammate for the Pittsburgh
21:47
Speaker 1: Pirates with the kind of blunt, blue collar brilliance that
21:53
Speaker 1: we don't get enough of anymore, and we really have
21:58
Speaker 1: never gotten that much of it. Andy Vanslke, who was
22:02
Speaker 1: a pretty good player, not a great player, pretty good
22:04
Speaker 1: player in his day for the Pirates and other teams.
22:07
Speaker 1: He had a kid that also played in the majors.
22:10
Speaker 1: But Andy van Slke dropped a neutron bomb on Barry Bonds.
22:15
Speaker 1: It wasn't a heart to heart talk. It was a
22:18
Speaker 1: neutron bomb. No negotiation. Vans Like saying, I'd rather lose
22:23
Speaker 1: without him than win with him. He said, a very Bond.
22:29
Speaker 1: So this goes against the very ethos of what sports
22:32
Speaker 1: are supposed to be. And you're supposed to win the
22:35
Speaker 1: game and go to a higher gear and all that stuff,
22:38
Speaker 1: and you gotta be high for looting, and you gotta
22:40
Speaker 1: you gotta win and sometimes you have to win with
22:42
Speaker 1: guys that are douches. We've all heard that. We've all
22:46
Speaker 1: heard that, and so I just want to repeat that
22:50
Speaker 1: quote one more time. I'd rather lose without him than
22:55
Speaker 1: win with him. Let that just get into your your soul.
23:00
Speaker 1: Ooze in, marinate in. Let that just again sizzle, because
23:05
Speaker 1: that is not just a quote. That is a cultural commentary.
23:09
Speaker 1: That is the clubhouse constitution. That is a declaration of
23:13
Speaker 1: independence from the tyranny of the toxic berry Bonds. This
23:18
Speaker 1: is the phenomena that I call and write it down,
23:22
Speaker 1: the tyrant teammate, the Sultan of sulk, the monarch of misery.
23:29
Speaker 1: Now you know the type, silent, stubborn, stationary, the human
23:33
Speaker 1: equivalent of a brick wall. Have you ever tried to
23:36
Speaker 1: move a brick wall doesn't move? Yeah? Not the kind
23:39
Speaker 1: that holds up a house. No, no, no, the kind
23:42
Speaker 1: that blocks the driveway, blocks the sunlight, blocks the light,
23:45
Speaker 1: and immovable obstruction masquerading as an asset. And oh, the apologist.
23:53
Speaker 1: I know this is an old tale about Barry Bonds,
23:55
Speaker 1: and that just bear with me. I was triggered when
23:57
Speaker 1: I heard Andy Van's likes name. I saw it, and
24:00
Speaker 1: so this led me down the path I'm at right
24:02
Speaker 1: now where I remember that quote I'd rather lose without
24:06
Speaker 1: him than win with him, which is one of the
24:09
Speaker 1: most damning quotes you could possibly give at all. And
24:14
Speaker 1: so anyway, the apologist entered the chat the jock sniffers,
24:17
Speaker 1: the defenders, the athlete worshippers, and the excuse engineers, and
24:22
Speaker 1: they said, well, yeah, yeah, he produces. Barry Bonds. They
24:28
Speaker 1: say he's a difference maker. They insist, difference maker. Yes,
24:33
Speaker 1: he makes a difference. Verry Bond he did back in
24:35
Speaker 1: those days. Makes the difference, all right, the difference between
24:38
Speaker 1: the team that breathed and one that suffocates. Can't coach him,
24:43
Speaker 1: cannot do it, can't coax it, and you can't even
24:47
Speaker 1: casually converse with him because he's he's such a jackwagon.
24:51
Speaker 1: Bonds stands there metaphorically motionless. I know, it's been many years,
24:57
Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, spiritually uninvested. And here's where the mainstream sports
25:03
Speaker 1: establishment loses its mind. With players like this. They say, well,
25:07
Speaker 1: ye again, yeah but he produced and yeah but yeah
25:10
Speaker 1: but yeah but yeah it rabbit, yeah but yeah but
25:12
Speaker 1: yeah but yeah but he performed. Yeah but he piles
25:16
Speaker 1: up numbers, math loving Dingleberris, Mama Lukes, Mama Lukes. If
25:23
Speaker 1: numbers alone made a team, Okay, if numbers alone made
25:27
Speaker 1: a team, then bean Counters would win the World Series
25:31
Speaker 1: every single season. It's all fun and games. And this
25:35
Speaker 1: is where we separate the stat sheet sick of fans
25:39
Speaker 1: from the reality based roster builders. Slow in study, win's
25:43
Speaker 1: the race. But let me tell you why there exists.
25:48
Speaker 1: And I declare this with absolute authority, a category of
25:53
Speaker 1: athlete slash competitor more corrosive than any slump, any strikeouts,
26:00
Speaker 1: any statistical shortfall. The energy vampire. Oh, watch out for
26:07
Speaker 1: the energy vampire. Now. Not the theatrical cap wearing garlic
26:14
Speaker 1: debacle character. No, no, no, this is far more insidious.
26:20
Speaker 1: This is the quiet, creeping clubhouse, consuming drain on morale,
26:27
Speaker 1: bringing down the morale. This person does not explode, He erodes,
26:32
Speaker 1: does not argue, he absorbs, passive, aggressive, doesn't inspire. He
26:37
Speaker 1: expires the enthusiasm of everyone within a thirty foot radius.
26:44
Speaker 1: Five minutes around this type of person, and any optimism
26:50
Speaker 1: you had will be deemed unnecessary. It will evaporate ten minutes,
26:56
Speaker 1: and the locker room vibrations go bye. Bye. By the
27:03
Speaker 1: seventh inning stretch, you're questioning your career choices and considering
27:08
Speaker 1: a quiet life selling kettlecorn somewhere out into Mecula. Now,
27:13
Speaker 1: I'll just go out there and I'll sell some. I'll
27:15
Speaker 1: be very happy. I'll sell some kettle corn. I'll be fine.
27:18
Speaker 1: And here's the kicker, the cruel cosmic joke. The better
27:23
Speaker 1: the player, the more the behavior is excused. Oh, that's
27:28
Speaker 1: just how he is. It's Barry being Barry. No no, no,
27:32
Speaker 1: no no no no no, no, no, no is not
27:35
Speaker 1: That is not personality. That is productivity, poisoning, poisoning the office.
27:43
Speaker 1: The cubicles better known as the lockers, and Andy Vans
27:46
Speaker 1: like saw that thing with Barry Bonds. He said it,
27:53
Speaker 1: He said the quiet part out loud, before Bonds became
27:57
Speaker 1: the legend that he would chemically enhance. Granted he crystallized it.
28:02
Speaker 1: And Evan's like, winning is not merely a matter of
28:07
Speaker 1: runs and ratios. It's there's a rhythm to it. There's
28:11
Speaker 1: a rhyme and a reason to it. It is resonance,
28:16
Speaker 1: it is reality based. It's not just get random players.
28:23
Speaker 1: And it's a melting plot. You gotta you guys have
28:26
Speaker 1: to get along with each other. A team is not
28:28
Speaker 1: itally it is a tribe planes, trans and automobiles for
28:32
Speaker 1: months and months and months. And when one member, no
28:35
Speaker 1: matter how mighty, no matter how many chemically enhanced home
28:40
Speaker 1: runs the player had, when one player mutates into a
28:43
Speaker 1: morale mashing monolith, you don't have a team. You have
28:49
Speaker 1: a tension factory. So yes, I will say it, I
28:51
Speaker 1: will stand by it, and I will not soften it.
28:54
Speaker 1: There are players so profoundly, persistently palpably poisonous as far
29:02
Speaker 1: out Dave would say that losing without them is better
29:07
Speaker 1: than winning with them. And that's just the way it is.
29:11
Speaker 1: And it's not my opinion that it was in events
29:15
Speaker 1: likes take years ago. That is immutable, undeniable. That is
29:21
Speaker 1: the doctrine of the dugout. And you never miss with
29:24
Speaker 1: the doctrine of the dugout, because that would be horrific,
29:29
Speaker 1: that would You cannot do it. You cannot do it anyway.
29:33
Speaker 1: On that note, it is a Friday. Here, we'll get
29:36
Speaker 1: out remember the malard meet and greet for those of
29:39
Speaker 1: you that are I just fallst forward to the end.
29:41
Speaker 1: I didn't hear the whole thing. We'll go back and listen,
29:44
Speaker 1: numb nuts, go back and listen and remember. April twenty fifth,
29:48
Speaker 1: two pm to five pm, three hour window will be
29:52
Speaker 1: at a wonderful this place looks amazing pizzeria in Newport, Kentucky.
29:59
Speaker 1: The address seven o eight Monmouth Street, Newport, Kentucky, zip
30:04
Speaker 1: code four to one oh seven to one. That is
30:08
Speaker 1: these zip codes, So check that out. Be part of
30:12
Speaker 1: that event. If you're in the area and you can
30:14
Speaker 1: make it, we would love to see you and have
30:16
Speaker 1: a great time and all that. Be a lot of
30:18
Speaker 1: fun to have you come down. If you've never been
30:21
Speaker 1: to a meet and greet, these things are always unique.
30:25
Speaker 1: Sometimes there's only a couple people to show up. Other
30:27
Speaker 1: times it's everybody in the neighborhood. They all got to
30:31
Speaker 1: come down and hang out. Be part of the festivus
30:35
Speaker 1: of talk. Get some of those canoli's, Get the meatball,
30:39
Speaker 1: the meatballs, the wings, the Manza rellisticks, the garlic mashed
30:43
Speaker 1: potato pizza and all that. We'll have live music from
30:46
Speaker 1: Dick and Dayton. That'll be ninety minutes in. Team Photo
30:50
Speaker 1: should be two hours in. And I'm still debating whether
30:54
Speaker 1: or not to go to the Reds game. If you're interested.
30:56
Speaker 1: I'm not sure logistically how this would work. We want
31:00
Speaker 1: to buy tickets, so I want I want everyone to
31:02
Speaker 1: be together. I do not want to buy a group
31:06
Speaker 1: ticket package from the Reds. I'd rather just us buy
31:09
Speaker 1: tickets at the same time, try to get close to
31:11
Speaker 1: each other as we can without smelling our bo if
31:15
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. All right, anyway, have a
31:18
Speaker 1: wonderful now, this is the official goodbye, have a wonderful Friday,
31:23
Speaker 1: and we will catch you next time in the Magic
31:26
Speaker 1: audio box. Asta la vista, gotta murder, I gotta go