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Why Narcissists Never Cry · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists rarely or
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  never cry, why there are some narcissists that never ever shed
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  a tear while you will never see any eye water going down the
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  side or the front of their faces.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  the Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  Boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, yo, that is the that's how it goes though, isn't it?
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  That's the mentality, that's the mindset, that's the the
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  effervescence of narcissistic people.
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  That's just a tough exterior. No crying.
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  No, no, no tears, no nothing but Lee, but Lee, Why is that?
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  Why don't they ever cry? Because personally, y'all know
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  if y'all ever y'all been following me for a long time.
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  Y'all know I went like 17 years without shedding a tear right?
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  So me personally I went 17 years without shedding a tear.
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  I went from February 6th 1999 to right after to September of 2016
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  without crying. It was September, October, maybe
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  November it was. It was sometime in 2016.
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  I know the last time I cried was my aunt, my aunt's funeral, she
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  died February 6th 1999. And then the next time I died
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  was at one of my friend's son's funerals, right?
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  Then that was in September, October, November 26th, 27th, I
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  got, I got to go look up 2016. I got to look it up, but it was,
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  it was 17 years. And you know why?
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  Because when I was crying at my aunts funeral, because she
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  passed away, I got my aunt tattooed on me, right?
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  That's like my second mom when I was crying at her funeral, I
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  couldn't, I couldn't move, I couldn't get up.
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  They asked the family, hey, do y'all want to see my name is
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  Maxine. Y'all want to see Maxine one,
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  one last time? Can the family members come up
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  here one last time? And I was so overcome with grief
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  and hurt and pain that I didn't get that.
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  I didn't even get up to go right.
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  I was sitting up and crying. I was like, get up to go a few
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  seconds. I miss my heart.
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  You know, I was crying and crying and crying.
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  And then also guess what happened?
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  They they closed the casket and they, they screw it tight, they
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  shut it up. They shut the casket.
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  I had no way of going in there, right?
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  I had no way of seeing my eye. And I remember telling myself,
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  I'm beating myself up in my honest funeral like this is
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  pathetic. What are you crying?
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  Like this is pathetic. This is my, this is me telling
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  myself and I'm like what, 19/19/99 I was born 85.
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  I'm thirteen years old at the time.
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  So I'm like, this is so pathetic.
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  Why the hell are you crying? Why are you doing this?
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  Why are you doing that? Like you tear crying get you
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  nowhere. So I was like, I told myself in
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  that moment, I'm never going to cry again because crying to me
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  meant vulnerability, Crying to me meant holding myself back and
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  crying to me when I was crying. I also thought everybody kept
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  looking at me, putting their eyes on me because I didn't get
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  up crying to me bought the shame into my life.
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  It bought more shame into my life and whatnot.
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  So I was like, you know what? No more crying.
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  I'm never, I'm just not going to cry again.
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  I just cannot do this. And I, yeah, imagine being a
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  little boy, barely a teenager, saying that to yourself.
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  I had shut completely down. I did, I just like literally
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  shut down in that space right there and I just like, OK, I'm
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  never going to cry again. And I didn't yeah, I would no
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  matter what happened in my life, no matter what happened in my
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  life between that, between net net funeral and me crying in my
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  friend's son's funeral, between those two moments, I I, I had
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  two kids, you know what I mean? I had two kids.
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  I went, there's some other funerals I went to.
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  There are so many other things that happened in my life that,
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  you know, deserved tears. They were tear worthy.
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  They were cry worthy. But you know what big strongly
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  Hammond said, no, I'm not crying at all.
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  I'm not you ain't going to see. You ain't going to see No, I
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  water coming from me. So that's literally what
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  happened. Seriously.
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  They, they literally ended up being what happened right there.
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  And I just, I remember completely shutting down and
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  just to myself, I was just like, hey, I can never do this again.
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  I can never shed another tear because tears are weakness.
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  Tears show tears like this don't help anybody out.
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  And I think a lot of narcissists might feel that same way, right?
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  A lot of narcissists might feel that exact same way that tears,
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  like showing tears or crying or showing any type of emotion
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  means that you're weak. It means that you're vulnerable.
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  So they don't cry. So they they refuse to shut it.
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  They refuse to cry. My light died.
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  I think I see it go up. So they just really literally,
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  literally my light went out and so did my my speech.
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  They literally shut. They would rather shut down then
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  show you some some type of vulnerability, show you some
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  type of emotion. Narcissistic people tend to do
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  the same things over and over again.
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  Now, you know, we get comfortable and shutting down.
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  We get comfortable in doing this, We get comfortable in
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  doing that. And it's just very difficult for
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  us to operate in any type of space.
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  So it sucks. It sucks to it sucks as a
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  narcissist because like when I'm not crying, we, we don't cry.
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  The emotions don't get released. So they, they sit inside of us
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  and you know, if they sit inside of us, they're going to come out
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  as bad later on, right? Those emotions that are sitting
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  inside of us are going to come out as bad later on.
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  And there's nothing, like I said, once they come out bad,
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  there's nothing we can do about it.
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  There's literally really realistically nothing that we
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  can do about it. And that sucks as well, right?
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  I'm just thinking about like my aunt's funeral and not sure and,
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  and not opening up and just crying and stuff like that.
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  Y'all. So me personally, I said I went
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  17 years without crying. And since then, you know, I
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  cried a few times. I was like, I cried the first
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  day in therapy, my first therapy appointment.
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  My therapist was just like, So what are you doing here at 32
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  years old? And I was like, well, I'm
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  ruining my life like a big ass baby, right?
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  I was crying like a big baby and it sucked.
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  You know what I mean? It sucked to sit right there and
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  cry and have these tears running down my face and there's nothing
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  I could do about it. And it's just like as I keep
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  going forward, as I'm learning more about myself, I just didn't
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  understand. Like damn, I'm I really was kind
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  of messed up, right? And some narcissistic people,
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  right? The reason they they don't cry
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  is because they get punished for crying, right?
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  They got punished for showing type any type of emotion they
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  got punished for showing for for tears or emotional expression.
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  They got punished for. So they learn to shut down to in
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  order to protect themselves. Like if I cry, I'm going to get
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  in trouble. So they wouldn't cry.
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  Doesn't it make sense to y'all? Doesn't it make sense?
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  It's just like, well, if I cry, I'm going to get my ass beat.
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  If I cry, I'm they're going to remember this.
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  Y'all remember this line right here.
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  I'm going to give you something to cry about.
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  Stop crying or I'm going to give you something, give you
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  something really real to cry about and whatnot.
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  So this is what we've faced. This is what has been known.
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  This is how it works, y'all. And it again, it sucks so bad as
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  I'm trying to combat this type of stuff.
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  It sucks so bad as we're as we're trying to deal with this
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  type of mentality and this type of mental stuff.
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  It really, really does suck. So as I'm trying to continue
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  this journey, as I'm trying to grow, as I'm trying to make
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  things work, this is how my mind has been shutting down.
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  Like narcissistic people, like some of some of us literally got
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  punished for showing emotional expressions.
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  Some of us got hurt for expressing that emotions.
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  And that's what, and that's the crux of it right there.
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  Y'all? That really is the crux of it
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  out. We literally got hurt for
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  expressing ourselves. So we learn to not express
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  ourselves or we looked or when we not like I said, this is
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  another, this is another mind thing right here we are.
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  Or when we were trying to grow up and we're trying to make
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  sense of everything, right? We start taking, we start taking
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  advantage of people's emotions. We started knowing that we can
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  make people cry and we would use the things that we use things to
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  make people cry. We use people's vulnerability
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  against them. You know, I mean, we would take
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  advantage of people when they were vulnerable.
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  Oh, you're crying here, Give me a hug.
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  Oh, you OK? You want me to clap your cheeks
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  to make you feel better? Gotcha.
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  We would take advantage of vulnerable people.
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  So we think that people will take advantage of us being
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  vulnerable, right? We think we so we take
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  advantage. If we take advantage of
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  vulnerable people, we think other people will take advantage
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  of us. And this is how a lot of our
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  minds works. Like this is the type of stuff
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  that does happen. It will, you know, that can
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  happen and will happen to a lot of us.
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  You know, as a diagnosed narcissist, this is type of the
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  type of stuff that really can warp your mind.
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  It can warp your sense, your sense of community and stuff
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  like that. You know, so if you're dealing
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  with a narcissistic person and they don't cry, it doesn't mean
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  yes, if you're dealing with a narcissist, right?
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  And they never cry. It doesn't mean that they don't
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  care. Some of them do care, right?
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  But there are, are there some that don't give a damn?
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  Yeah, there are. Some narcissists really don't
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  give a damn about anything that you're going through, anything
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  that you're experiencing. But for the most part, I would
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  say that there's a lot of narcissists right there, right,
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  that do care. They just don't know how to
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  express themselves, you know, they just don't know how to
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  express themselves. And unless they go to therapy or
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  get some type of help or work through whatever trauma that
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  they've had, they might have shut down that emotional
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  expression. This is who they're going to be.
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  And that sucks. And it sucks me to say that
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  because I know people come to my channel and some people try to
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  get hope for their partner or ex or whatever.
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  And some people just like, well, Lee did it, so maybe my partner
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  can do it. And then it is.
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  And I'm just like, look, I'm not saying it's impossible because I
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  wouldn't, I wouldn't say that that's to me, that's just false,
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  right? For me to say that it's
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  impossible for people to change their behaviors.
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  But like, it's a very, very rare thing, right?
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  It's like a 2% chance, let's say 2%, right?
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  2% milk, 2% chance. Like are you willing to, to bet
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  your future on a 2% chance? Now some people like, well,
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  leaders, that's the best odds I've had in years.
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  So yes, hey, you would have, you would have rolled the dice in
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  your life for a 2% chance. I'll, I'll tell you right,
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  because I can understand like if you could roll the dice on a 2%
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  chance and then there's and then there's nothing on the other
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  side of rolling the dice, right? You roll the dice, you lose, OK,
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  you walk away in real life gambling on a 2% chance.
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  If you lose, you waste your life.
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  You can waste your life and live with a ton of regret, right?
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  Live with a metric ton of regret.
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  And that sucks for a lot of people, right?
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  And that sucks for so many people.
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  My life died again. I don't know, I've been
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  ambitious y'all and whatnot, but I'm Oh my goodness, I got a Zoom
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  call, y'all. So yeah, I do I I still do my
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  zoom calls, my zoom one on ones you can see it scrolling across
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  the bottom of the screen. Y'all, I'm just I'm
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  experimenting with the channel a little bit.
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  So if y'all have any suggestions, whatever.
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  I'm going to start doing my interviews.
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  I'm going to do a put a link in the description of every video
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  for my virtual interview to stuff to talk about for my
• 11:47
  mental health, my mental illness podcast.
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  The link is going to is going to be for in person and virtual.
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  I would love to do in person stuff, but I'll do virtual as
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  well. I'm going to try to put it on
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  this channel. If it doesn't do well on this
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  channel, I'm gonna create a whole new mental illness podcast
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  channel and go from there with y'all.
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  But anyways, hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
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  And as always, y'all, your boy mental illness, I'm out.
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  Peace. What's going on?
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  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
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  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
• 12:18
  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 12:20
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 12:23
  y'all y'all? It helps me reach more people as
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  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 12:28
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 12:32
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
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  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
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  I'm out.