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515: What We Would Tell Our Younger Selves · Now That We're A Family

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was recently asked to write a letter to a young man and give him some words of encouragement and maybe even some advice as to things that I would have done differently in my later teens to, you know, kind of, early adulthood and they got Kate and I talking in regards to that.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: What's the advice we would give our younger selves?
• 0:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know we've talked about that on and off.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: over the last seven or eight years since having this podcast.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it seems like that advice morphs over time because with whatever season we're going through your thinking, man, I wish I would have known this then, or you learned something, you have in a Piffinini and you think to yourself had only learned this five years ago or 10 years ago or whatever it may be.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm sure some of the things that we tell ourselves,
• 0:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: in this moment that we would tell ourselves that probably will change as time goes on.
• 0:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I do think it is worth considering because we've got children that are becoming, I mean, they're amazing people.
• 0:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to be like teenagers and young adults so soon.
• 1:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's, I'm so grateful with the,
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: commitment that my parents had and really wanting to see me and all my siblings do well.
• 1:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: My siblings and I talk about this a lot.
• 1:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: We would never ever think to criticize our parents for lack of intentionality and trying and caring for us.
• 1:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: We might all choose to do some things differently and how we're parenting our children, but our parents' hearts were so vested, and they were so for us as children, and that's humbling to think about, they just poured their sacrifice a lot to see me and all my siblings succeed, and we're grateful for that.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when I look back in my life in Katie, I know you've got some things that you're gonna share as well with this, but one thing that I would tell myself is that by keeping your options open, you're really limiting yourself.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that sounds like an oxymoron, but that's a lie that I think a lot of young people believe, I know I believed it.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that was, I don't want to commit to something too soon, because I'm not sure if it's right for me.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: And people do this in relationships all the time, right?
• 2:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: You think, man, am I settling with this person?
• 2:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: and you're not wanting to commit.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not committing in a relationship, but you're actually limiting yourself and limiting yourself for growth, for impact, for the Lord working through you and in you when you don't commit to something.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that this whole facade of keeping your options open.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you are doing that, but what's inevitable is that options are going to go away because time is a finite resource that we have, and it's a very limited resource, and while you're sitting there on your hands, waiting for the perfect opportunity for something that you feel so confident in, times going, good times just taking by, and the sooner you're able to commit to something, trusting the Lord, not
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: doing it and, you know, disobedience not doing it against good advice, but just committing to something, whether or not you're confident that you're passionate about it or that it's the Lord's leading in your life, you'll learn so much more and actually grow as a person so much quicker that will then open up far more opportunities down the road.
• 3:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that is something that it's just so funny when I think of the different ventures that I started as a young man.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: with sirenic, like teaching music was the very first thing I did to earn money.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, as a 13 year old, teaching my nephews, or I guess that point was my cousins.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then eventually my nephews, but then, uh,
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, I resisted that.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to take it.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want to go all in with that.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then it was my dad's coffee shops.
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I had the same attitude.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then it was selling Christmas trees.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't want to commit to that.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then it was selling real estate.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then it was network marketing.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then it wasn't until I circled back around and actually committed to teaching music that I was able to really grow rapidly in capabilities and in an early capacity.
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just kind of ironic that it was like a full circle.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: All those things.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: it's kind of funny.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that something that sticks out to when we are talking about this is so often in homeschool communities or just entrepreneurial communities where we really value starting your own business and maybe not college.
• 4:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's kind of like an anti college vibe happening right now and there's good reasons behind that.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: often we get around a lot of young married couples that walked a similar path to what we walk and they say, wow, when we got married we that's like when everything started falling into place for me.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's funny because for people that maybe aren't committing to a career at a young age or committing to try to
• 4:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, do the college path of their dreams or something like that where you need to commit in middle school, 7th, 8th grade, going into your freshman year of high school, Mary had just kind of that first commitment that you take to being committed to, okay, well now we're going to have this family and
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: there needs to be provisioned for it and children are going to come at some point Lord willing and it really makes you buckle down and focus and that was the case with a lie should I when we got married it really made us buckle down and focus and start saying no to things and we started gaining traction in areas where we probably would have hit a wall
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: and bounced off because it's like this is kind of hard that over there looks better.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to jump over here and try this out.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was more like, well, we don't have the time where finances to keep jumping around.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have this has to work.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, I think it's a really good observation, especially when I look at my life because marriage was kind of this catalyst into me committing to other things because you have the commitment of marriage and then we were blessed with a child.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, we've got pregnant on our honeymoon and so we're blessed with that.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: reality and that prompted just that much more commitment from me and I think that that while that was a blessing and why I'm grateful that you know we are married when we're married we had all those things I don't think that you need marriage in order to learn to commit to things sooner and to commit to them you don't you don't need that like you could never be married in your entire life and learn to really commit to a career or to a trade or to a certain ministry that the Lord has for you and I really needed marriage
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: to get me to commit to those things, and I don't necessarily want that for my boys, I guess.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, I, while I'm grateful that marriage served in that purpose, I am also kind of regretful that it took marriage to get me to commit to certain things to see them to kind of a fruitful place.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: yeah something that we hope for our boys to get is to get them to commit younger.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, it doesn't have to be a college path, but around 7th or 8th grade, have them committed to a 4 to 8 year path that they're going to start walking.
• 7:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not like forcing them into anything, but being like this commitment is going to serve you and being there to encourage them to stick with it when it gets hard or doesn't seem like the best idea or another opportunity comes up.
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: because what we've just seen over and over and over is your best opportunities or on the other side of the success from whatever you stuck with.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't have to be the best opportunity that you stuck within the beginning.
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just whatever's the best opportunity now, take it, make it successful, and then go from success to success.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't quit something until you're successful at it.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
• 7:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, okay, something that I would go back and tell my younger self.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is for something, something I would tell my younger self right after we got married, and that is, don't do the math.
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just really think that doing the math when you're young is daunting and overwhelming and paralyzing, and the Lord gives grace for today.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you aren't going to be the same person 10 years from now, or 20 years from now that you are today.
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so this can happen in a lot of different areas.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: For us, I mean, obviously one would be child-bearing.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would go back and say, hey, have kids right away.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would always encourage that.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what if you can do it.
• 8:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is the fruit of marriage, and so just embrace that fruit.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: doing the math caused on how many kids we might have or what could go wrong or how hard this could be financially or on me or whatever.
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then you guys heard, you know, my crisis of belief this last year just with homeschooling.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's like, I don't think I can do this because I'm doing the math on how many hours I have in a day and how many kids I have and
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's funny because when you just start doing the thing and decide to grow as a person and try to figure it out.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, committing to having you don't being generous when it comes to the Lord in your womb.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: or deciding, okay, we are going to homeschool this year, so how are we going to do this to the best of our ability?
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then it really forces growth in that area instead of this fear and resistance and just trying to get out of the situation.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's really easy to make decisions that you regret when you're doing the math.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: from a place that you aren't yet.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I don't think it's bad to be futuristic, but God doesn't live in the future.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: He lives in the present.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: He in terms of he is here with us now and the present.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's all we have.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think I have a lot more faith now that faith can grow and capabilities can grow and also just alignment with God's will can grow.
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that we're able and willing to let things go in the future if we continue to grow, that we aren't able or willing to let go now.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, it's one way that I know I've limited God is in my futuristic thinking.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: That, well, this is who I am now.
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: If we make this decision, it's going to put all these things on my plate that I know, I can't handle, and so I'm not going to make that decision rather than pursuing obedience, knowing that the Lord will give us
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: his grace, his strength, and at the end of the day, he's the one that gets the glory for it, but just not doing the math is a great way to put it.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just using man's wisdom instead of trusting God, knowing that He will, he'll provide for us in every season because He always does, and obedience being the goal versus, I guess, feeling ready for it, feeling set up for it, feeling like you're, you know, put the time in to now handle it properly, just wanting to be obedient.
• 10:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with that Katie something else.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I would tell myself is that fun is not something worth pursuing But it's can be a by product of pursuing purpose and duty.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I do think that it's in the heart of a young man to pursue fun, right?
• 10:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you see
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: you want to socialize, you want to go be adventurous, you want to laugh, you want to be carefree, you want to waste time, you want to you know like stay up late, you want to be reckless sometimes and all those things are
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: But they can actually be fine if they're the by-product of you pursuing purpose.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that fun happens when you're a young man, when you are with other young men pursuing purpose.
• 11:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think what oftentimes happens is you hear these stories of young men doing great things and then you hear funny stories and these great adventures and you think I want to go pursue that and you pursue the fun stuff.
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't pursue what actually brought to fruition, the fun, memorable things.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because, in this can happen, I think, in ministry, where you're committed to a ministry can happen and you hear it in military, you hear it in college, you hear it just in a career where they were committed to a thing and from that there was fun.
• 11:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I would always think, man, if I commit to this thing, whether it's a career or a degree or a moving somewhere for a certain amount of time, like I'm going to miss it on all the fun over here.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, no, there's fun everywhere.
• 12:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, you shouldn't be pursuing things for fun, but that's just gonna take care of itself.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: What you should be pursuing actively is obedience, and purpose, and duty, and growing in capability.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I guarantee you, those funny stories or those great memories will naturally just come from those things.
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Alright folks, we're running a pretty short, and I say pretty short, I think it's going to be two weeks.
• 12:35
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• 12:45
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• 12:53
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• 13:04
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• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, and so I'm trying to think of when this episode's going up, but you've got basically, yeah, you've got about two weeks left.
• 13:14
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• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, like so, that's good.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've never heard you say that.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: No.
• 13:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I think that's so true.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think we put fun as the first pursuit, especially as single people, where it's like, fun will happen.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like when you're just around other young people, it happens.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so pursue the purpose.
• 13:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then with those like-minded young people, have fun with them.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'll happen naturally.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't have the fun, be the pursuit.
• 13:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, yes.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: that's really good.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I wrote this down because I bought it every time I said, but this has been a new, new concept for me that I wish I'd known and that is your spiritual life will not outgrow your spiritual discipline and you can say you can take out the spiritual part in terms of your faith will not outgrow your discipline in order to use like two different words just
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I knew discipline was good, but I did not see how it was affecting my faith.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it wasn't till recently I was doing it vocational, and it was, it's, it's a really old devotional.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's like no excuses, like super no excuses to emotional.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I love that how it's just so cut and dry that if you do not have discipline in your personal life, if you do not have discipline over your body, over your tongue, over your social calendar, over things that you're pursuing for pleasure, over comfort, over seeking consolation from people.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And wanting to feel
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: approval from them or comfort from them, if you don't have self-discipline in all these areas which self-discipline is really just spiritual discipline or a Christian, then your faith will not grow.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that that seems kind of crazy or it seems like this, you know, there's no verse about it, okay, so take it for what you want, but the concept really made me think because it's like, yes, if I don't have, I have struggled my whole life.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: with getting up and getting in God's Word first thing or having the discipline to stay focused and prayer or stay focused and meditation and not get up.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then be like, ah, well, actually I'm going to get this project done before the kids get up real quick.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or I'm going to do this before the kids get up real quick and using that time for other things that are maybe more interesting.
• 15:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: or I don't have the discipline in the first place to even get out of bed.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so then I don't have that time at all.
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And my day is just, you know, now needs are coming flying at me.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And or maybe I didn't have the discipline to go to bed.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so now I'm exhausted and I'm not getting up and I'm telling myself, well, I'm a mom and I'm postpartum and I need sleep, right?
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: But my faith is not actively growing and that I'm not communing with the Savior.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not in a mental place to learn anything new.
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just doing the same thing.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm relying on the Bible verses that I memorized as a kid.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm regurgitating things, but I'm not growing.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think of that too, even with discipline and time management with getting out the door and getting to church, like that's the thing, sticking with something, committing to fellowshiping with the body of Christ, being able to fellowship in a hospitable way, and know how to do that and schedule my time there.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like everywhere I look when I really start to think about it, my faith is built on discipline.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: rewarding pursuit because so much of life requires discipline and I'm able to see how far or short I fall and so many different areas of discipline and instead of seeing them is like well this is my these are my lifestyle goals and then I'm gonna have like my Bible time goals over here my reading plan or whatever it's like oh no I can do all of this is on to the Lord like when I get out of bed in the morning I'm getting out of bed right now
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's on to the Lord.
• 17:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like Lord grow meat like when I'm in bed in my alarm goes off and I don't want to get up.
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like Lord grow me in my faith like make me a discipline person I want to get out of bed today for you.
• 17:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's it's not anymore like I want to be a morning person.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be productive.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I don't get out of bed today, I'm not growing in the way I want to be grind today.
• 17:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just kind of like changed my perspective or like when I'm being gluttonous with food, I'm not growing in that discipline over my flesh is unto the Lord.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like, Lord, help me grow in this area.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to do this as unto you.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it turns the whole day into sacrifice and into more purpose,
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just been a very rewarding and challenging and humbling, very humbling way to live.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it brings my sin to light so abundantly.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I guess I just wish that had happened when I was younger.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because when I was younger, I think I would just kind of look to the right of the left me like I'm doing pretty good.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, instead of just, I think humility comes from seeing our sin and such a glaring light.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And county and little things is sins, versus, or I say little, county and things that I wouldn't have counted before is sins.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before my Savior has just been a beautiful way to, I guess, really continue seeking him and realize my dependence on him for every single day.
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and you probably commune with him throughout the day a lot more because when you are aware of Like once you actually make a new goal to be like, I don't even want to have those thoughts towards my whoever, you know, somebody.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to have those like being annoyed with the kids, let alone, like you start by saying, I don't want to snap at the kids.
• 19:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then you're like, okay, that's good.
• 19:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't even want to have that heart towards the kids.
• 19:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: You start being more and more convicted and you're like, wow.
• 19:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: like I can't I can't take a step without really you know falling on my face so to speak when it comes to I guess like feeling like you're sinning and then you get to pray to the Lord for their peaches and this isn't coming from a place of condemnation sounds like you're like no
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: like there is no condemnation in Christ, but he has called us to holding this to walk in holiness.
• 19:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've seen a huge change in your demeanor like just so that our listeners know, I don't, maybe it sounds like Katie's walking around feeling oppressed because she like has these birds.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, this is the most light and free that I think I've seen.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: you, since being married, and there is more of a spiritual vibrancy vibrancy coming from you each day.
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And your level of patience is off the charts.
• 20:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like when I think of the first of the spirit are more apparent in your life now than ever before.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I turned that to the work that he's doing working in you.
• 20:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I also attribute it to you taking seriously those spiritual disciplines.
• 20:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that is something, yeah, like I think for a long time, we both really underestimated.
• 20:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: the value of spiritual disciplines and we straight up devalued them.
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: The thought of getting up at four or five or getting up at whatever hour was necessary to have an hour in prayer.
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't know who I thought that was for, but I just didn't think it was for me.
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was like I think people that like in different sex of Christianity practice that because they don't know what else to do or something.
• 21:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't even think I thought well of those people.
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd say like no, I'm just going to get up and do the practical things that need to get done.
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'll memorize scripture, and if I do a big salmon or repent from that for sure, but there is no part of me that found my whole, that we even wanted to find my whole being and doing and rooted in the Lord, and I want that now.
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, and it has been fun to want that with you and to be able to get so excited about this with you.
• 21:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think something that makes marriage so fun is learning things together and then sharing with your spouse with your learning and continuing to grow together.
• 21:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: But just kind of to put this in like a quick perspective, all growing up.
• 21:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love personality tests.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love things like that.
• 21:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I see
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I always saw my mother and some of my sisters as, well, they're just naturally more disciplined people.
• 22:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so they were always the ones that journaled every single day before breakfast.
• 22:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were always the ones that stuck with the Bible reading plan.
• 22:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I just thought, well, it's their personality.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to erke them if they don't stick to it.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm kind of like, I move fast and break things and like, I'll read the whole Bible in three months and then I want to read it for a chunk of time.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I'm just kind of more obsessive and whatever.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And however, now I am seeing, oh, they're just more faithful Christians than I have been my whole life.
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like they were more spiritually mature when we were all growing up together.
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those sisters were and still are a lot more spiritually mature.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think it's because their level of discipline was it could have been personality, it could have been
• 22:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was the Lord working in them, but they just had a higher level of discipline and their faith exemplified that.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that I just thought, oh, I'm not cut out for that.
• 22:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not who I am.
• 22:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the same way I was like, well, I'm not, I'm not the servant-hearted girl.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the get it all done girl.
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, and it's like, what is that?
• 23:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like a Christian woman is a servant-hearted woman.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is, you're only option as a devout Christian woman.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's to be servant-hearted.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so there's just a lot of woman-team beliefs I had around this when comparing myself with other people that I just thought they're more naturally disciplined.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And instead of seeing that,
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And again, something I read in the devotional that he puts everything so beautifully, it's just so well written.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: But it's to the extent of, oh, the person that has more passions that they need to overcome in Christ's grace.
• 23:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: is going to be someone like that's a very fruitful Christian than maybe even more so than someone who never had to overcome those challenges.
• 23:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think that instead of saying what I'm never going to be that way or I have to overcome maybe more things than someone so is more naturally prone to this or whatever excuses we make for ourselves.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, oh, I can be very fruitful in overcoming these things in God's strength.
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: That could be my walk.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I never go as far as these other people do, but that is my own growth, measurement, you know.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just overcoming the passions that I have and the problems that I have.
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: So anyway.
• 24:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's so good, Katie.
• 24:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And kind of piggybacking on that, something that I was going to say, because the way you put that was so, was so good.
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, convicting and I wholeheartedly agree with it.
• 24:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And like if, in talking to my younger self, I think that, you know, following the Lord, there were these, there were these,
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Christianese saying as I think that my parents were so faithful and telling me that I didn't I didn't see I wanted more I wanted more proof I wanted more like practicality.
• 24:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like no I am trusting the Lord.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm Excuse me, you know, seek and seeky first the kingdom of heaven and all these other things will be added unto you It's like I think I am doing that, but I would like say Be more extreme in those things.
• 25:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really grateful like with how challenging some of those years were
• 25:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I look back now with this current season that I'm in, I'm like, what a gift that I was poiling through those years.
• 25:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Of like truly spending time and prayer, truly going to God's word, looking for, I actually did go to God's word, looking for direction.
• 25:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think there was a season where I went away from that, and was getting very practical, it's not like I, you know, denounced God's word, but I wasn't really going to a looking for practical.
• 25:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: direction, you know, it's just maybe maybe more business books and things like that.
• 25:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that you can't exhaust like God's Word even for just for practical living.
• 25:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you can't exhaust spiritual disciplines for practical living.
• 25:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think that like getting up early in praying and reading God's Bible.
• 26:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: ever, that only gets more important and becomes more and more fruitful, the more successful you get in other areas and it actually breeds more success than others too often times.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, yeah, I would just tell my younger self, like, triple down on that, quadrupled down on that.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're young, like you're spending 20 minutes in the world, great spend two hours in the world in the morning.
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, like you're praying for 15 minutes, great, pray for an hour and a half.
• 26:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And due to as a spiritual discipline, not neglecting your job, not neglecting provision, but really neglecting other things like socialization or just your own fleshly desires.
• 26:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's like, no, do do more of that.
• 26:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, along those lines, written prayers are very helpful to regardless of what they are, even if it's just praying God's word out loud or something like that.
• 26:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're in a pray for a really long period of time, it just really helps you still focus.
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: No doubt.
• 26:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: No doubt.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll say one more, just because that wasn't going to be one of mine.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think that, I mean, yeah, I don't know how I would completely frame this.
• 27:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think you know what you're passionate about because you're not good at many things.
• 27:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that I think that what is meaningful is becoming competent at something.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: So pursue competence in whatever it is.
• 27:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I get and I list through the whole array of options that I have or had in my
• 27:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: like realistic with your limitations from a opportunity standpoint, not from your capability standpoint, but looking at the options before you and saying, oh, it makes sense that I'm not going to, like if you're 19 and you haven't done any college, like maybe going to MIT isn't like the thing you should try to do this year, right?
• 27:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be some leg work that you need to do,
• 27:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: to get to that point.
• 27:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe you should pursue that, but just being realistic with where you're at, and then doing your best from that point forward.
• 28:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I think achieving some level of competency and ideally excellence is actually what makes you enjoy that career, that work, and it's actually
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Again, I don't want to talk like money doesn't matter, money is critical, and providing I think is a critical component to being a godly man, but pursuing excellence, like provisions usually a byproduct of that as well.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not always.
• 28:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think you can probably get excellent at things that have no, you know,
• 28:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: monetary value in them, you know, or it's not productive, but becoming excellent in a meaningful way, you know, like I think of, I suppose it says before, like successfully completing meaningful tasks, and like we want our children to be able to do that, Joel Salatin, says that.
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I think the sooner
• 28:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like the harder tasks, you start accomplishing, successfully accomplishing it in a meaningful way.
• 28:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what brings joy.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I guess fulfillment, not finding the right to thing.
• 29:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, not being like, is this career?
• 29:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm called to is this trade?
• 29:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm called to is this talent?
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: What I'm called to?
• 29:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: it's okay what what are you doing right now try to get as good as possible at that and then just see what happens maybe you'll do this for the rest of your life or maybe you get in crazy good at this we'll just open up the other opportunities.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I think it's funny.
• 29:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so often like passion-based pursuits say an artist who really wants to just pursue art because her passion, well, she has high competency in art.
• 29:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's why it's so fulfilling.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't see someone who can draw a stick figure wanting to be passionate about art.
• 29:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so so often, like you said, that joy of the thing, that love of the thing that passion comes just from being capable of it.
• 29:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you can get capable at a lot of different things.
• 29:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think that's something that we've just learned over time as we've developed joys and passions for things that we didn't have 10 years ago because we straight up weren't good at the thing.
• 30:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 30:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, if I was gonna go back, these are just some quick popcorn ones.
• 30:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, sure.
• 30:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I would say to my younger self, don't worry about not being a baby person.
• 30:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It will come when you have kids.
• 30:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And don't worry honestly about cooking, because I didn't see the purpose behind it when I was at home with an incredible mom that was a cook in seven younger sisters that were a cook.
• 30:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: and everyone may need to feel stressed out by that, but then it's like once you need to cook and you see the purpose behind providing meals for your family.
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It became like very purposeful as soon as I got married and I wanted to learn how to do the thing.
• 30:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Up until that point there wasn't a need for it in my home.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I just, I wouldn't stress out about that, I guess.
• 30:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like random.
• 30:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then the other thing is, I do think it's worth becoming a good cook.
• 31:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that every, again, I'm going to speak in these big terms, but I think that every godly woman has a almost this requirement to become a good cook.
• 31:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because that is the number one way we are hospitable.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I don't think it's optional for a woman to say, I'm a faithful Christian, and I do not like to cook.
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I do not cook.
• 31:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's something that we have to learn to love, even if it's just for the sake of our Savior.
• 31:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a blessing to first the people at our table, and then to those outside, and creating an unhospitable table is where we're...
• 31:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: abdicating on the role that God's given to us.
• 31:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I think that's a non-negotiable for a woman, but I think if there's not a need for it, just get good at it when you need to.
• 31:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then I would say to my younger self, read philosophy, not self-help books, like read Marcus Aurelius, don't necessarily read a 21st century breakdown with all the swear words in it, like actually read Marcus Aurelius.
• 32:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just think it's
• 32:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be that much more meaningful and give so much more context and it's going to be more holistic and less influenced by the times.
• 32:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, yeah.
• 32:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: More timeless, yeah, for sure.
• 32:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 32:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have any more.
• 32:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Great.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's good.
• 32:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like yours are really solid.
• 32:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks, Gary.
• 32:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm really grateful you're the father of our sons.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm, I'm excited for, for Lord willing and daughter.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, yeah, the opportunity to speak into their life, but then also just for what the Lord's gonna hopefully teach me through.
• 32:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure failures and humbling times.
• 32:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: But life really is a joy when you're walking with the Lord, because in the presence of the Lord, there's fullness of joy at his right hand or pleasures forever more, and we get to grow and grow in being in his presence and actually experiencing him more and more.
• 32:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't naturally happen.
• 33:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can grow older in years and not mature.
• 33:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't want to be that guy.
• 33:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be the person that's growing older in years, but not maturing in my faith, not growing in my faith and in spiritual disciplines and spirituality.
• 33:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm walking in truth.
• 33:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But likewise, I think you can actually mature rapidly in a small timeframe, too.
• 33:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't think you need to wait until you're an old person to have great seasons of maturation and
• 33:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: rapid seasons of growth.
• 33:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I think some of those things can be, I mean, the Lord sometimes expedites those seasons through extreme trials.
• 33:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd like to experience, you know, stream growth ideally just through, you know, spiritual disciplines and seeking Him and walking with Him.
• 33:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there was a quote that I read and they said, hey, why do we pray for a long life when we are amending so little over spiritual walk?
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so many people count the years that they have been a Christian and the events have only been slight.
• 34:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's like, I don't want that to be me, you know?
• 34:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want it to be 30 years.
• 34:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm exactly the same person as I was 30 years ago.
• 34:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I want big amendments to my character and to my faith and to my separating from the things of this world and just being able to be above them.
• 34:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that doesn't just come with old age.
• 34:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, I know, I'm beating a dead horse.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not beating anything here, okay?
• 34:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: No beating going.
• 34:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yep.
• 34:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I just want to keep commanding you for you've inspired me to keep, to dig deeper and grind in my faith because you've changed.
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like the way you talk to the kids, the way you talk to me, the way you respond to, you know, I guess inconveniences that occur throughout our week.
• 34:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, whoa, those were things that I think you and I had both just accepted.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: As being a part of our personalities, we'll gripe about these inconveniences or we'll, you know, stress about these things.
• 34:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll worry about these things.
• 35:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: We'll have anxiety about these things rather than rising like, what are we doing?
• 35:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, why would we accept that?
• 35:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: The Lord doesn't accept that.
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, He's the one calling us up, calling us to holiness, say, be like me, you know, like, you cast your cares on me, be anxious for nothing.
• 35:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like, whoa, and you've really changed,
• 35:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll praise the Lord, plus we're off to a good amendment here, but it's life's long, right?
• 35:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You just want to keep communing daily.
• 35:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I think it comes back to that discipline piece because you lose the discipline, and it's very easy to quickly back to it.
• 35:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's what's so quick.
• 35:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you just walk day in and day out with the Lord and our strength comes from him, and because I'm with you, it's you, yeah.
• 35:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not like, hey, I had a good like 10 days.
• 35:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can take a day off now and kind of coast, you know, that's not how it is.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, actually Shakespeare says frailty, my name is woman.
• 35:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's just, so it only applies to you.
• 35:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Good reminder.
• 36:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I feel like, I feel like a very vulnerable.
• 36:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, yes, God is faithful.
• 36:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're prone to wander, Lord, I feel it.
• 36:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, folks, thanks so much for listening.
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: What would you have told your younger self and you go back to those?
• 36:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you could think back to your later teens, young adulthood, young adulthood, young adulthood.
• 36:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Early marriage, any of it.
• 36:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 36:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: What would you, if you're like 40 or 50 years old, what would you tell your younger self that's in our stage?
• 36:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 36:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: That'd be very applicable for us.
• 36:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Alright folks, talk to you next time, bye-bye.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.