Latest / The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy / 6| Stop Trying to Fit In: How to Break Free From People Pleasing and Find Alignment

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6| Stop Trying to Fit In: How to Break Free From People Pleasing and Find Alignment · The Wild Woman Within: Recover from Burnout & Achieve True Work-Life Balance Through Feminine Energy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: Hey guys.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Fitzim project.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here with a very special guest, my mom, Gwen Fitzpatrick.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome, welcome, welcome.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Happy to have you.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Happy to be here.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna be a juicy conversation.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: I can feel it.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's in my bones.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's radiating all over.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but first, a little bit about my mom.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: I want to share a little bit.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: She's a very special person to me.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: And we are two of the most emotional people I've ever met in my life.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: So don't be surprised if we get to that realm today.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: But also like my hero in real life, my little earth angel.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: And the woman that's guided me through the hardest times of my life, who always let me have a seat at the table, no matter what energy I emitted, and really just never judged me.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: I did not grow up in a world of shame or judgment, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt how special and quite frankly unique that is.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: So fully blessed that you are mine, and I got to pick you.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: If that's if that's how the books are written, I got to pick you, and you're and I'm so happy I was so smart.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_02: I did a good job.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a lot to be said for that, and thank you.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, um it's such a wonderful thing, really, to hear what you had to say about that, and just letting you be you, which is what we all would strive for, is just letting us be ourselves without bending and twisting just to have love, just to be accepted.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's really not a need for that.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is really great because as part of what I think maybe our topic is all about today.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you don't care, I'll just you're you're gonna have to stop me because you know how I get once I get started on something, you're just gonna have to be like, whoo, back up here just a second, and I'll be happy to do that.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: But um it's it's about a phrase.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's a phrase that I think that is so very, very important to us to talk about.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's called You Are Not a Good Fit.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we just did a meditation before um we started doing this podcast, which was great.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was very needed because my head was going in so many directions because I've got so much stuff that I could say about you're not a good fit, and make it personal and make it about past experiences that made an imprint on my life, and that's not where I want to go with it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to um go to that imprint that was made on me because of someone who hadn't grown.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, snaps.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Snaps.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, let's say that again.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: Say that again.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want this to go in a a direction because of the imprint that was left on me by someone else who had not grown.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, juicy.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and uh you're really lucky because you know every single moment I've ever had.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I've only got 38 years of your moments and the ones that you let me know about.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right, but just that on repeat in my head, I can instantly name top five things of being not a good fit based off of people who haven't grown in those experiences.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, dang, that's it.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: Why am I mad at them for not being on my level?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And they're not on your level, and that's the thing, and I think that's the point of speaking about this, and why there's a little background history, and I'm only going to do the phrase history itself on the impact of you were not a good fit was actually said to me.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it was said to me after you took all of my ideas, you took all of my energy, you used everything I brought to the table, you gloried in the changes that were made, and then you come up and say, Oh, but you're not a good fit.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm gonna stop it on that.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not the only person that's heard that.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: We've heard that from our friend groups.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we've heard that in our working environments, we've heard that in our relationships, we've heard it from so many people, whether it was that exact phrase or not, and that was the quote, was the exact phrase.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it took me a long time to figure that out.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're not a good fit.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I was a great fit when you took everything but my name.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and now you're not a good fit.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Why why would somebody say something like that?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we say that to each other?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's a lot of projection that goes with that.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: And you're only gonna be in in any job, in any relationship, anywhere, really, you're only gonna be as good of a fit as the person who owns the situation sees.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: You're only gonna go as far as someone else's possibility for you in those situations because you're not an entrepreneur.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And unless you have this like an agreement with a relationship like that, that possibility is possible, you're always gonna max it your good fit.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: You just simply outgrow the situation, right?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You simply outgrow the situation that you're in.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and and I took that to heart.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, for for the audience, they don't know me like you know me.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But that matters to me, and that was like the arrow that pierced literally my soul.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and we heard that with Michelle even exactly from me talking with her, and I wanted to tell your story so bad, and I'm like, no, how she will tell her not tell her story, but it's so important to recognize and share what it did to you, and I want to I want to talk about what it did to you.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then like before you recognized it, like you're not a good fit, how did that show up in your body?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And like I asked Michelle on a somatic level, how did it show up in Gwen?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I took a because you're not a good fit, simply meant to me you are not worthy, you are not valuable.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that is something that's very important to me because like I said, I poured my heart and soul.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then to come back and say you aren't good enough was the thing I I went into a complete spiral.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't nearly as lucky as Michelle, and I do know Michelle, and she's a great person, but I wasn't as lucky as she that um I bounced back after a couple of months.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: This has been five years that I truly questioned everything.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I questioned myself worth.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: It already was because just because of lots of things.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um that was a wound that I knew was there, that I ignored for a long, long time, um, became the overachiever, um, did all the things, and you know, you're well you're not gonna do this, well watch me do it.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was always the one that because of it, because of feeling like I wasn't ever good enough, and how that one little phrase when I gave everything to a project, so to kind of keep it in line with what was going on, um, and and what all of this is about.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: The project doesn't have to be work-related.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: This was work-related, but it was also personal because we're our project, we are our own projects, things I thought I had gotten through that I clearly had not, and earning this degree and that degree, and doing this and doing that wasn't enough to cover up, to heal, to examine my own self so that it didn't literally pierce my soul when I heard the words, and it did.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: So five years and it was like, and this was during COVID as well.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: So good lord, you know, where I'm getting hit by everything under the sun in the globe, um, you know, so it's not easily that I'm going to leave this position and just automatically go into another position um during COVID.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: So just to put that into a little bit of perspective, um, I'm a registered nurse and going into another facility during COVID is honest to goodness the last thing I ever wanted to do.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not that it wasn't important work and there were lots of people out there doing great things.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was not a participant.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna put that out there.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I had nothing left to give.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: There you go.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I had nothing left to give.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: I had nothing left to give myself, and I had nothing left to give somebody who needed care, who needed, who couldn't do for themselves.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't do for my own self.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can't pour from an empty cup.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's just not attainable in any space.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is not.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I felt like because I would I've been resilient my whole life, you know, bounce off of this like a ping pong ball or one of those arcade little balls, and and the flipper flips you somewhere else, and you just bounce and bounce and bounce.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I was doing really good, bouncing from here to there, and knock this one and knock that one.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I always seemed to land on my feet, but I didn't land on my feet after that.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's um you did a really good job of making a scab.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: It was really thick, and this leaf, this words, these things they just ripped it off, and you kind of had a bleed.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: A bleed.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: I had a hemorrhage, I had a fester of infection that poured out.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was it was a terrible situation.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: It really and truly was.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, to bring it to a little bit brighter situation right now, so we can kind of go back in a minute and visit this.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: The antibiotics had cleared it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um looking at looking at it and examining has been able to clear that, and it's not a scab anymore.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's it is a healing, but it took a while.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's like um healing an ulcer you got to from the inside out, right?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like but it how funny you even mentioning ulcers.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Did you or did you not get ulcers during that time?
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and it it what happened to your body?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know how the body keeps the score.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: The body does keep the score.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk like not analogies.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: The body without having a hip evolution, what happened?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: There were things that were happening to you before you even heard I'm not a good fit.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: There there were.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: There were just a nice cherry on top of it.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that that was that was the the actual that was the twist of the sword in the back, actually.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: That was the twist of the sword in the back.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I saw it coming.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I saw this coming, and I I reflected more this morning over what has that looked like.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Has that ever happened before?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or was this one person the only one?
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and that's not true, and I will not give her that much power.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: She's not the only one that had that kind of an impact, but thinking over things, and people just think to yourself, there have been so many people who have come in and out of our life to um maybe prepare us for that, whatever their intentions were or weren't, and it could be something that wasn't meant to go that far, but you don't know another person's mental awareness or even their stability at the time, and I had already been rocked.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had been getting bogus write-ups out of nowhere over a sheet of paper that was taken out of a chart that was meant nothing in the form of the sheet of paper.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: The tool was a great tool, great enough that I actually incorporated it into our electronic documenting system to make it part of the legal documentation.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was that good of a tool.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it was the paper that was removed from the paperless charting.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, however that works out, that I got written up for.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just started to be nitpickies, nitpicking things that would aggravate someone or annoy someone, but they were coming.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Purposeful, watching, just I dare you to fall off the line.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: The straight line that I drew because I know that this is the only line that you get to cross, but I get to draw it, and I dare you to mess it up.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I can move it and not even tell you.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Whenever I feel like it.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever I feel like it.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the line owner.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm the line owner.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: I can I consider that the puppet master.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we had a little conversation about that as well.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the puppet master.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you the you're only a puppet master if I give you control to be the puppet master.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you outsourced that.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I did outsource that.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I and I thought, why did I do that?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was uh more aware, more intelligent, um, better than to outsource and why?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why I needed that job, so I thought I depended on that.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was used to the money that I made in that position, which was very nice thank you to you know who you are um for that very nice salary that I did make um that um correlated to the degrees that I earned that I paid for myself but um yeah so anyway I um I but I felt like I was smarter than to give that away um and it happened so subtly that I didn't even see that I'd let the puppet master be created over my own self right you didn't see you weren't aware but what was what were you feeling like you had a series of migraines you had debilitating actual somatic problems built up over time pain on pain like real pain not emotional this was real pain body pain this was your yeah the cost of living for you yes so this is the third time you've asked me that I want the drink this is the third time you've asked me and I keep dodging it yes so in fact uh yeah the the the migraines I would have to sleep if I got to sleep at all with a trash can next to the bed and literally roll over and vomit night after night after night knowing I had to go back into work the next day um became I I was walking down a path of paranoia mentally it was taking over physically you know pain pain pain in my stomach um we have resolved that now um you know uh just like uh about a month ago or what um I did get a clean bill of health on that so but it's been five years I know right snap snap snap I can't snap but snap um I uh I I literally started to withdraw and sink into to a darkness and I think honest to goodness one of the luckiest things that ever did happen was my youngest grandchild was born and he gave me a reason to get out of bed every day um he needed you he needed me and I needed him I needed him um from this side of it I was lucky enough to be part of this road with you and I'll never forget seeing you kind of fade away and just I was at the time I'm living in Louisville and um you know it was right before COVID and you know me and my brother and my dad were like I don't know something's going on we knew you were losing it like for lack of better words right and we're like does she need a therapist like let's get her into therapy and I mean at the time like that was also like the last thing I think you were like ever wanting to hear from anybody you're like no right this has nothing to do with me and needing a therapist and we were hearing you but I think it was just so unimaginable that we couldn't comprehend how much bullshit was actually happening with this puppet master.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_02: Right and also at the time we're growing with your salary is not just helping you and dad it's helping me and my brother and it's like we get to now have our homes and we get to do things that would have otherwise been harder for us.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: Not that we couldn't have done it right otherwise just harder.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: Right and it just is like well yeah you got the hook line and sinker all of that that you in there but then it's like is this even real do people really treat people this way and you know because we know like your um your analogies you know like you just said a minute ago it's just the knife in the back and we're like is it really like a knife in the back or is it we know yeah or did I really see it coming and it just went straight in the heart.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: But we we saw it we were there with you and I mean luckily thank all of the gods all the things right I got pregnant I he saved a lot of us he did you know little little boosky butt but um so beyond grateful for that but I remember being really like scared myself and then wow what a perfect opportunity if this is so terrible for you I'm concerned about your health I'm concerned about this is real this is um not okay you can't stay in this right you know I knew your migraines already right but then the other piece of the health was just like unfathomable it's not in our history it's not it just like up and out of nowhere.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right and then how cool you left the toxic situation we've gotten this time now to heal and then up and out of nowhere it's gone.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just so how many books have we read how many conversations have we had to have how many things do we do I mean we meditate before this call we meditate in the mornings now we journal we do all sorts of stuff now together right but it's like these are tools these are tactics and I am so thankful beyond belief that we are fortunate enough to get to use them.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes and the you know and that's the thing we all have we all have these same abilities you have to really want to you have to want to know how it works and you have to know you there's somebody out there that's hearing this and I know it you fall into that black hole and you think there's nobody there's no lifeline but the lifeline is there if we were to light a match in that hole there's people all around you that is praying that is lifting you up that is offering the light you just can't see them in the dark and but they're there and you have to trust that they're there and I was fortunate enough to have my family that noticed this and offered support one of the things I don't do which is very um ironic that I'm here right now is talk.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is not always life however the unicorns are there we're all around the place but I didn't even know how to reach out um my sister-in-law Anita she was very concerned she saw this happening as well when I couldn't see it because I felt trapped that I had to have this job and I'm not like Michelle I I'm not a quitter we talked you and I talked about that phrase as well but there comes a point in time when you have to know when enough is enough and you walk away from that with a new knowledge and you can go on it does not have to consume you for you to say well it killed my ass but I didn't give up you know still here I'm still here don't know where I'm going I don't even know how I got over here but I'm still here how long if I'm later don't worry my body is fine right right no that is that is not no you have to have some you have to have some intelligence about yourself and say this is not worth sacrificing yourself over and guess what I have recently earned a thousand dollars RS I earned a thousand dollars I know right snap snack celebration I'm not right I spent three weeks substituting in the school system day in and day out for eighty dollars a day snap some more to get my thousand dollars unrelated do you really not know how to snap your fingers no they don't up to 10 years old snap yes if you're wondering more time to leave I can snap my fingers happen so we're just gonna call it snap and be done clapped our head exactly that's why we clapped and did snap oh gosh but um yeah so I mean I recently just earned money for the first time in five years guess what happened in the five years before this nothing nothing financially happened I have not missed a meal I have not missed a vacation I have not missed a thing I bought a new car I did a lot of things you sure did Mexico we've been to Mexico we've been to oceans calling and and we've done all kinds of things I haven't missed one single solitary thing if you'll remember five years prior to this because of a job I felt like I couldn't let go of well somewhere in there had to be an ego oh yeah so I'm not going to just let the puppet master be the only villain I'm gonna share some of the villainness with the puppet master because some of this I did to myself that's rich isn't it that I like it yeah I like it I did to myself so I want to be all characters in my own story and one of them was my own villain because I set myself up I told myself I had to keep this I told myself it was very necessary and guess what it wasn't none of that was necessary again I haven't missed a single solitary thing my life has been it it I had to climb out of the depths of hell but I did it and it was dark and it was scary in there I'm just telling you um and you have been a great inspiration to me and other people during this five years we even went to Chicago we did with Michelle and her mom yes so yeah so many things so many things that we have done and did I miss the money I don't know if I missed it or not my life didn't change like I always said even when I had it I could spend every dime of it but was it necessary and no it wasn't and maybe someone else is sitting out there and it's like well yeah but my situation is different because I will sink if I don't have that you will not sink you will not sink if you don't have that job you do not sell your soul to the villain whether it's you're the villain or somebody else is the villain you are not a good fit has become a very great compliment to me I have decided that that was the biggest compliment that anyone could have really and truly ever given to me you are not a good fit it took me five years to understand the compliment don't let yourself go that long let me help you with this you are not a good fit has meant to me I did not sell my soul to the devil I did not change me to fit it hurt me to hear that it caused doubts to creep into my head to hear that it severely damaged my confidence but you know what at the end of the day I did not sell out my integrity I did not sell out my authenticity I did not sell out the things that make Gwen Gwen snaps we're snapping snaps I didn't do that preach yeah I'm so proud of you I was so proud of you the day that you were like I'm done I'm given my two weeks I'm like it's actually a month really what yeah what and because we were gonna wait till Theo was actually born right and you're like I can't go any further right then let it go now yeah and I was so happy and you know what other moments you didn't miss you didn't miss cutting his umbilical cord right right and being his other parent when I needed the most help that was such a blessing having come out of there from a C section and wasn't planned wasn't planned thank goodness he's not blue forever and or Walter Walter blue Walter but you didn't miss that whole maternity leave that I had right and it was just amazing to get to have that with you no matter what to me that was just like the coolest ever and I'm so happy to have had that and I think sometimes I look at that moment and I'm like oh it should have been should have been yeah shouldn't right but no it was exactly as it was meant to be because it was such a gift to me but such a gift to you and that was just like the first step forward in that transformation of five years.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_02: Just call it five years I don't necessarily believe five years because this is a lifestyle that you've started you started your new lifestyle five years ago.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: Correct and it's been an evolution an evolving journey with you and with me and with Theo like our our our whole family yes like my brother my dad like niece nephews like all of us have gotten to benefit together from this new profound journey absolutely with you.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's been awesome.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I agree with you it has so this happened five years ago and yes you are correct I it has been it has been an evolution and it will be an evolution ten years and fifty Years in 20 years, it just had a date, it had a stopping point and a turning point in my life.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we're in Kentucky and it's allergy season.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: Forever.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, forever.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, there's a lot of people maybe who might not know exactly when the turning point was.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have a date on mine.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I say that.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: But you were absolutely correct.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, have I been spiraling out of control for five years?
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: No, I haven't.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Did I spiral out of control?
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: But did I stay there for five years?
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And no, I did not.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: But in and the beauty of it is the evolution.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: Every day I see things differently than I did the day before.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: Some of this stuff that we're talking about right now has been as new of a discovery as this morning, a week ago, right?
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that's what we're called to do.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we are meant to be.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're not meant to be stuck in our same situations.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this is another little epiphany that has just come to my head right this very minute.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: What does our light look like?
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: And where does it need to go?
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: And who are we trying to reach?
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: We don't know.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're not given a list.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: We just know that this is how our flow is supposed to be as we go through our journey.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: This is so much fun.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it is so much fun.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: I've been having a blast.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it is so much fun.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: It is so much fun.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the the thing about this is, is when something that sounded so negative could transform a person, multiple people, in such a profoundly positive way.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I wanted to go with it as well.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: You do not, you were not a good fit.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh examine who who is saying that.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who was it your neighbor?
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: Was it was it your friend group?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: Was it someone in your office setting?
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: That is may have it the intention may be to break your confidence, but you need to flip that.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: You need to reflect on that and do it in your mirror, not the mirror that they used when they said it.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like you said at the very beginning of this, it was a projection.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard it from other people.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard it towards other people.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the thing we have to understand out of this, that's their demon.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's their person that they couldn't face in the mirror.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_00: That is because they aren't living authentically, perhaps.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or they they sacrificed or bent or twisted their own integrity.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to stay in that, whatever that is, the environment where somebody tries to project that onto you, that is a them problem, not a you problem.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: This goes to our teenagers, to our young people.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: If we're going to condition them, which I fully believe that we do, and not always in a great way, condition them to understand that their self-worth starts within, that they need to be validated from within.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: They have the tools.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: We were born with those tools, and somewhere along the way it slipped to someone else's control.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: And without us, it's so subtle.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even know we're doing it.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: Until they're throwing dirt on us with our own shovel.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: I see that so much with Theo and being in these last four years of being just present.
• 45:22
  unknown: Yes.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_02: And seeing how he got here with this literal spark in an eye.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like you know, like just a real gift of a person.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't look at a baby child person thing differently anymore.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like I can't unsee it now.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen it and now I can't unsee it.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it is seriously with every single person born.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_02: These new, brand new souls coming in.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: And it is that conditioning, and it's that you aren't a good fit because that person states that day.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_02: What they felt because they were born under this moon, this sun, this exact time, conditioned by Susan, Harry, and Jane in a different other way.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: And they are now at a level in the corporate world that is far superior than anything they probably ever dreamed up for themselves.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_02: And they don't know how to fit in either.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: They don't, they don't do not know.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: They do not know.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_02: They are not comfortable looking at themselves in the mirror for more than a minute.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: They can't have eye contact with people.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_02: Those are the ones who just need to break themselves free too.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it's those people, I'm not opening up a can of worms with you.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, open your own can of worms.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: Go find your own inner peace.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then come at me.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad that turned around for you, and it turned around for all of us.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: And we got to learn secondhand the real impacts of that.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: On a like, you know, you skip rocks and the ripple effect.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: And it was such a ripple effect.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was such a ripple effect.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was a ripple effect within our family.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was a ripple effect in my working environment.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: The people that I worked with and I did love them.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanted the very best for every one of them.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I could see that it's it was affecting them.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_00: And again, like I said, during COVID and in healthcare, and the changes were coming at us left and right and left and right so fast that you know 15 minutes ago you told us this and now it's changed.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: But it was damaging people.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this terrible, terrible thing that we as a human being think that we're entitled to speak to another human being based off of what?
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm gonna tell you, thought about this this morning as well.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: What did I truly learn about this?
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, I learned that was a crock of shit.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry to the audience, but that is the first thing that I learned.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing that I learned is I never ask why.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that ticks me off.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I why am I not a good fit?
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because you cannot control my thoughts.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: You want to be the puppet master, but yet you can't control the strings.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_00: Those are mine.
• 49:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: We can ask that to whoever is doing this to someone in our audience today.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: And is it truly necessary to know the answer to that?
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: But I wish I had asked.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you had the nerve to tell me, you should have at least had bullet points to inform me over what I'm not a pair of shoes.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not your dress.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: I am not your adornment.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: Where there wasn't anything given as to why.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just woke up and decided I've used I've I'll tell you why.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's fear.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you're with someone who cannot let you be authentically you, they are living in a place of fear, and they're going to try to change that because they don't know how to do that.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was fear that our department was being recognized up one side and down the other.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was fear.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm not, I'm really not the puppet master.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was fear to understand you are not my puppet master.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: And anybody who knows me knows I don't do well there.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: In that type of environment.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_00: In that type of an environment.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what drives a lot of this.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is fear from your 12 and 13, 14-year-old peer group that says, you can't sit with us at our lunch table because you don't fit in.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: Fit in with what?
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: Fit in with the fact that your mom and dad probably bought your designer jeans on a credit card that you're gonna be 25 years old before they even get the card paid for.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_00: What am I fitting into here?
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: They're to fit into.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, isn't this true?
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's so true.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's a disgusting culture.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: We're just a bunch of pigs about it.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: In a farm.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't fit in.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't fit into this school.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: You don't fit into this club.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: You don't fit into who are you that nominated yourself and then appointed yourself the head of who fits in?
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and then but also on the flip side, like thank God, I don't fit into all you people.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to fit in with you people.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to fit in with the people that are my people.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want that anyway.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you know, and you are in a we're on different levels.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're on a different level than that person.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to fit into that.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_02: You don't.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_02: And that is so cool.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_02: I I figured this out a little bit.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, not I don't know when I figured it out.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I had to read it, and I was like, oh my god, like blah blah blah.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know when exactly I figured it out.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_02: But um the Kathy Heller mentorship program that I've been in, she says this all the time.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_02: And even literally in our business call yesterday, she was saying it.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you don't you're not gonna appeal to all of the people, and that's it.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like all of the people in the world, if every single body person, whatever, listened to this podcast, uh, more than just a dot's worth of people would probably be like, I hate this, turn it off, like their voices or whatever other insecurity we could possibly think of, they're thinking of it, but also like who cares?
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't care.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not made for you.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: I you're not on my soul's assignment path.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_02: Be gone then.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_02: Then get out of my way.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not made for you.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm not a good fit for you, why are you standing in my way?
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: Poof.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Shoo.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Shoo.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: Big on.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_02: Get the hell out of here.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why are you still looking at me?
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like this is a huge problem now.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: It is a youth problem.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like, get out of here.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be in that.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not in I'm not in your club.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: I've never been a good fit anywhere either, to be honest.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't fit in places most of the time.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_02: For a long time anyway.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a lifer than most anywhere or anything that I do.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I know it's because I'm just gonna keep on going.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_02: I've got more places to go.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta keep seeing things.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: But that's a me.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's a me problem.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really happy to have that problem.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you're happy to have that problem, right?
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna keep on.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean I don't love where I was or what happened or where I'm at.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love it all.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's called evolve.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love it all.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you're on a hamster wheel.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I've been on one of those too.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: For years and years and years.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: So haven't we all?
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I think that's what this whole entire thing is about.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: Get off of the hamster wheel.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to survive.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_02: Josh is always like, are we in this assimilation?
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_02: Is something going on here?
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: Is it are we leading our own life?
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I don't know.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_02: Or how much power are you giving away today?
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what's going on.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and and and look at look at all of the things that have happened to you.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_00: I look at what has happened to me when I took it back.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_00: When I took it back.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's mine.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's mine.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_00: I get to choose.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the thing.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: If we're going to condition the children, there should be some kind of standard as to what we're going to condition them to.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not to fit in with the neighbor.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: It's not to go jump off the bridge if everyone else is jumping.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, how many times I hear that?
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know, right?
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think I was the one that said that.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure I didn't.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, what's the bridge look like up there?
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: What are you saying up there anyway?
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: Don't jump off the bridge, you're gonna go too.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, I wanna watch them.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like, are they gonna die?
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_00: What does this look like?
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_02: Turns out you don't even have to go to the bridge.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_00: You just yeah, you don't have to go to the bridge.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_00: You don't you don't have to go to any of those things, and you don't have to get yourself in a situation where it causes harm, where your body tells you enough is enough.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_00: Stop the hamster will.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's FOMO.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: I and I had to ask you, I'm like, I don't even know what that means.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is that a bad thing or something like that we gotta make it all right?
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: Fear of missing out, FOMO.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_02: But what it's really actually fake.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_02: It is fake.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's fake.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_00: So it is very fake.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea how much time we've had.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_02: However, we'll wrap it up.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am going to um I I've looked at this and I think I made some questions.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: I made some questions um to myself.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as I was journaling.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a good fit?
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a good fit for your life?
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody else's life.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_00: We were promised that we were made holy.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_00: We are light, we are energy.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_00: So the answer to that is you are a good fit.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a good fit?
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your answer is yes, you are.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not feeling like you're necessarily included or even want to engage, look at your circle.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't mean that you aren't a good fit.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, are you staying true to what is in alignment with your higher self?
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because the only person that you have to fit in with at the end of the day is you.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_00: So are you staying true to what is in alignment with your higher self?
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_00: Are you living life authentically or are you bending to fit?
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're bending, you might want to reflect and see where where might you Come back and examine that a little bit more.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to bend, you don't have to do gymnastics and put yourself in contorted positions to fit in anything in your life.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I have.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: That was beautiful.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_02: This was a beautiful conversation.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I really, I really think it's going to, there's a lot of people out there who needed to hear this.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_00: I feel it.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_02: They will.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_00: I feel it.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thank you.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_02: Put it out and they will hear.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, maybe build it and they'll come.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, indeed.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love you so much.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, thank you.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: More than anything.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_02: Minus Theo.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're number two.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess I'll take that spot.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love you.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I I love being part of this and watching you continue on your journey to fit into yourself as your mother.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_00: That makes me so proud.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what makes me grateful is that you feel like you have the ability to do that because there's nobody holding your strings.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_02: It makes me proud too.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really proud of the fact that I had a really good teacher.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_02: So thanks for showing me.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.