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90 Day Fiancé 1217 ”Are We Really Doing This” Part 2 · Vanity Farah with Chris Farah

0:02
Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Vanity Fair. My name is
0:08
Speaker 1: Chris Farah, and I'm so thankful you are listening to
0:11
Speaker 1: this mega recap of 90 Day Fiancé. It's season 12.
0:14
Speaker 1: It's episode 17. Are we really doing this? Yeah. This
0:20
Speaker 1: is part two. Okay. We've already talked about two couples,
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Speaker 1: and obviously it was real long. Mito and Debbie, honey,
0:26
Speaker 1: and we talked about Rashid and Mallory, and we're going
0:29
Speaker 1: to keep it going. All right, babes. So let's move
0:32
Speaker 1: on to Paola and Thomas. Now, I feel like I wouldn't...
0:38
Speaker 1: Paola and Thomas obviously are hot in the heels of
0:40
Speaker 1: her getting dressed up and then him putting her in
0:41
Speaker 1: the back of his bicycle and her being like, can
0:45
Speaker 1: we take a car? And him being like, no, it's
0:47
Speaker 1: too expensive LA. And then them going to a restaurant
0:50
Speaker 1: and her being like, fuck you. And him being like, what?
0:52
Speaker 1: And her being like, no, I want to leave. And
0:54
Speaker 1: him being like, no, what? And that's where we are.
0:57
Speaker 1: It's the morning after. And he is sitting at a
1:00
Speaker 1: table And I took a picture because it's unsettling. He's
1:04
Speaker 1: sitting at a table and he's made himself half of
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Speaker 1: a Lego, like two pieces of steak. It's like bloody
1:13
Speaker 1: ass steak. It's like moonstruck steak. It's like what feels
1:16
Speaker 1: like a pint and a half of blueberries. And it's
1:18
Speaker 1: like various store-bought breads. I thought he wasn't having gluten
1:24
Speaker 1: or bread for some reason. I thought it was like
1:25
Speaker 1: keto thing. I don't know. But like various ones on
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Speaker 1: this table that now I'm like, where did this table
1:30
Speaker 1: come from? Is this like you having a dining room table?
1:33
Speaker 1: Is this because you feel like you are happy about it?
1:36
Speaker 1: He's so not used to the width of the table
1:39
Speaker 1: that all of his food and everything is really smooshed
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Speaker 1: near him, including like a whole ass iron that doesn't
1:46
Speaker 1: even have to be there. And two phones. I saw
1:52
Speaker 1: that and I was like, Sunday, right? Sunday right here. Okay.
2:02
Speaker 1: So I just, that, um, she and him didn't talk
2:07
Speaker 1: after that, like blowout fight where he was like, are
2:10
Speaker 1: we going to get married? And she was like, maybe,
2:12
Speaker 1: or maybe not. I'm going to go home. And then, so,
2:14
Speaker 1: but then she just like went off to get married,
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Speaker 1: I guess, dressed for the wedding. what? And he's supposed
2:20
Speaker 1: to be like, I just really love her. I'm just
2:21
Speaker 1: going to trust that this is happening because it's a
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Speaker 1: once in a million chance that we even met and
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Speaker 1: how we even met and how much time I spent
2:31
Speaker 1: on Duolingo learning Portuguese so we could talk. I wouldn't
2:36
Speaker 1: have done that just to throw it all away because
2:38
Speaker 1: she says she wants to leave me and doesn't like me.
2:47
Speaker 1: I don't think it's, I think obviously, I think it's
2:50
Speaker 1: funny for some reason. He just seems so, yeah, like,
2:58
Speaker 1: somewhat aggressive, like, in a 14-year-old's body. He calls her, like,
3:02
Speaker 1: my girl. I just can't believe, you know, that, like,
3:07
Speaker 1: she's not meant to be my girl. She's not the
3:10
Speaker 1: right girl for me. Like, the right girl for you. She's, like, 40. Yeah.
3:19
Speaker 1: So she's now having the time of her life. The
3:22
Speaker 1: reason why she left so early is because she got
3:25
Speaker 1: to spend time with her fabulous stylist gays. She has
3:28
Speaker 1: one bridal stylist, Jose. I'm like, bridal stylist? God bless.
3:32
Speaker 1: That drives her up in a red fucking fancy-ass sports car.
3:35
Speaker 1: I'm like, whose car is this? Like, what? Are these
3:39
Speaker 1: people your friends all the time? These are not the
3:40
Speaker 1: same gays that lived in the other apartment. These are
3:43
Speaker 1: two other fabulous gays. And honey, she drives them up
3:46
Speaker 1: to the Queen Mary, okay? Like, do these people not
3:49
Speaker 1: have any single friends? Now she's like nervous, right? And she,
3:54
Speaker 1: instead of saying, I am scared about what's about to happen.
3:59
Speaker 1: She says, she is scary. I am scary. Now that's cute.
4:06
Speaker 1: I want to say this. There's this one like TikToker.
4:09
Speaker 1: I think it's called a bold app or something. I
4:11
Speaker 1: can't tell if it's, it must be, I think. this
4:15
Speaker 1: girl that's getting paid to like market an app where
4:17
Speaker 1: she's like Chinese having to learn English and every TikTok
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Speaker 1: starts the same where she is just, you see her
4:22
Speaker 1: face up close and she just bathes in tears, just
4:24
Speaker 1: mascara running down her face. And she is trying to
4:28
Speaker 1: say an English word. And then you're like, what is
4:32
Speaker 1: she trying to say? And then it cuts to the
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Speaker 1: app and her finger pushes a button and it says like,
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Speaker 1: whatever it is. So like, it'll be like, I mean,
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Speaker 1: this is going to sound racist, but it's so funny.
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Speaker 1: And it's really beautiful. Like she's getting better at it.
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Speaker 1: It's like such an interesting thing, but she'll be like
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Speaker 1: rainbow or whatever. God bless. It's horrible. I mean, I
4:48
Speaker 1: don't even know how I'm going to like, why? Okay.
4:49
Speaker 1: Just don't have someone trying to, that's someone trying to
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Speaker 1: say a word in English. And then you would, she
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Speaker 1: would push the button and then you would hear like rainbow.
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Speaker 1: Can you try saying it again or whatever? And it
5:00
Speaker 1: goes back to her. She's like crying. It's so funny. Anyway,
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Speaker 1: I feel like it is a nightmare to learn a
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Speaker 1: different language. That's why he won't give up this relationship.
5:12
Speaker 1: That's not the only thing she says, though. Besides the
5:16
Speaker 1: fact that she says that I am scary, she also
5:18
Speaker 1: says that she has dowel bits. And it's like, why
5:23
Speaker 1: the fuck would English people put a goddamn B in doubt? Why?
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Speaker 1: I doubt the person that thought of that was sane,
5:38
Speaker 1: was a nice person, came from a loving family. Found themselves.
5:44
Speaker 1: Did therapy. Okay. She's having fun with her makeup person
5:51
Speaker 1: and Jose and telling them about the fight last night.
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Speaker 1: His BFF Mike shows up. Mike looks like Jared Leto
5:57
Speaker 1: with greasy hair. And I'm like, why didn't fucking his
6:06
Speaker 1: friend go to the local Dominican barber? Get a fresh fade. Anyway,
6:15
Speaker 1: that'll come up later. Anyway, so we're supposed to believe
6:18
Speaker 1: that this wedding's going to happen. We don't know yet
6:23
Speaker 1: if his parents are there yet. We kind of don't
6:25
Speaker 1: care about that storyline anymore, what's happening there. We haven't
6:28
Speaker 1: even talked about it because it's now like, will they
6:30
Speaker 1: or won't they with this wedding? Okay. he's like will
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Speaker 1: she come we're like she's gonna come because she's getting
6:34
Speaker 1: absolutely dressed and she is one thing about her she
6:36
Speaker 1: likes to like pretend to be bougie or live in
6:38
Speaker 1: a luxe world and that's why one of the reasons
6:40
Speaker 1: why she doesn't like him half of me i think
6:42
Speaker 1: is like i wonder if she is mad at him
6:45
Speaker 1: for not offering to be able to to be able
6:47
Speaker 1: to pay to have her family stay elsewhere I don't,
6:56
Speaker 1: it's just, his allergy thing is so confusing. And I
6:59
Speaker 1: just like, the way that they left like so many
7:03
Speaker 1: holes in their story is like, I mean, I don't,
7:06
Speaker 1: I'm not looking for some Swiss cheese, honey. You're welcome. Okay.
7:11
Speaker 1: Aisha Ann Maxwell. Oh my goodness gracious. It's the wedding day.
7:17
Speaker 1: She comes down. It's You know, obviously I'm like, they're
7:21
Speaker 1: not sleeping together, but they get to like, I guess,
7:23
Speaker 1: have morning time and then come down together. She's wearing
7:26
Speaker 1: blue and white, almost like a cloud print, like exercise set.
7:30
Speaker 1: Almost looks like, remember when everyone had those cloud robes
7:33
Speaker 1: that were like terrycloth robes? Look like, it looked like
7:40
Speaker 1: the cloud sky that Care Bears live in. Really bright
7:46
Speaker 1: ass blue and fluffy ass white clouds, you know? Now,
7:50
Speaker 1: he has a shirt that says, I love my baby heart.
7:53
Speaker 1: And Juliet, her mom reads it. And Juliet reads it
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Speaker 1: like this. I love my baby. And he's like, why
8:00
Speaker 1: do you say it like that, Miss Juliet? Why are
8:02
Speaker 1: you saying it with an attitude? And we're supposed to
8:05
Speaker 1: think that it's a little bit like, oh, it's because
8:08
Speaker 1: she thinks it's so stupid that Aisha made you wear that.
8:14
Speaker 1: But it's also low key, I think, because Juliet's like,
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Speaker 1: it's my baby. My baby. I get to, only I
8:22
Speaker 1: get to love my baby. So then we get this
8:26
Speaker 1: bit of information. Somehow, Aisha has found, I mean, or
8:33
Speaker 1: this happens, a barber shop for Maxwell to go to
8:36
Speaker 1: where they do man weaves. They weave, they, weave is a,
8:42
Speaker 1: weave makes you think, I don't know. They, they, I'm
8:46
Speaker 1: so sorry. They, they have like temporary toupees or I'm
8:50
Speaker 1: a little confused. It looks like they shaved his head
8:53
Speaker 1: and then maybe like attached the hair to a piece
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Speaker 1: that I guess gets glued on or laid down on
9:01
Speaker 1: his head. Okay. And the entire family, including him, agrees
9:05
Speaker 1: it looks good. And Aisha loves that for herself because
9:08
Speaker 1: she's like, it cements that my opinion slash God's opinion
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Speaker 1: is the right opinion, which you all know is God's opinion.
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Speaker 1: What I have been telling you is God told me
9:17
Speaker 1: to tell you to be okay with me changing the
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Speaker 1: physical appearance of your son, his skin, his hair, so
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Speaker 1: that he is perfect in my eyes slash God's eyes.
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Speaker 1: Because I slash God made him and he's just not
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Speaker 1: perfect quite yet. Like how God and I want him. What? What?
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Speaker 1: That's the right truth. That's the truth. That's the right way. God,
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Speaker 1: it's my way or the highway. So what? I love
9:43
Speaker 1: it so much. It's so funny. She, however, is spiraling
9:46
Speaker 1: over the fact that Rod's not coming. And she's so
9:48
Speaker 1: upset that he's sabotaging her wedding. But also, Loki needs
9:51
Speaker 1: him to come because her dad's not there. Because he
9:54
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be a part of this goddamn mess.
9:57
Speaker 1: Emphasis on the D. And she needs Rod. there to
10:00
Speaker 1: walk her down the aisle um we get a full
10:05
Speaker 1: beauty room day prep, honey, with the women, all the women,
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Speaker 1: which I love, all the sisties come, the moms look
10:11
Speaker 1: beautiful together. Blaze comes in with that dress, honey, that
10:14
Speaker 1: dress is gorgeous. It's like structured. There's pearls, there's red.
10:18
Speaker 1: Like it's a beautiful color. And Maxwell tells us like, yeah,
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Speaker 1: our colors are red and white, red for love and
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Speaker 1: white for purity. That's When Aisha puts on this red dress,
10:31
Speaker 1: she surely looks good. And it's like a bright ass
10:33
Speaker 1: kind of like Coca-Cola red. She's like, wow, I did
10:36
Speaker 1: not know that cherry was my color. And the truth is,
10:40
Speaker 1: it is a good color. It's one of my colors too.
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Speaker 1: Like a bright red looks so good on me, especially
10:45
Speaker 1: when I have a little bit of tan, which I
10:47
Speaker 1: don't have right now. Anyway, come on. So get me
10:50
Speaker 1: that Mallory's spray tan number. Okay. So at one point though,
10:55
Speaker 1: her mom is brought over to Aisha, she's like, let
10:59
Speaker 1: me fix your wig. Your forehead is too, like you're
11:01
Speaker 1: showing too much. And Juliet's like, you are not a beautician.
11:05
Speaker 1: And then Aisha's like, okay, go around like that then. Sorry.
11:08
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to help you. Go around, like, go around.
11:10
Speaker 1: It's fine. You do you. The way that Southern people
11:15
Speaker 1: can deliver shade is a beautiful kind of shade. It's like,
11:19
Speaker 1: it is so musical that I just can't get enough
11:21
Speaker 1: of it. I love it so very much. Okay. I
11:23
Speaker 1: love it. So that is, of course, where Miss Juliet
11:31
Speaker 1: breaks down in front of Maxwell's mom and is like,
11:34
Speaker 1: Maxwell's going to take a show away from me. And
11:38
Speaker 1: she's been my baby up until now. And we're all like, oh,
11:41
Speaker 1: we thought you'd be like so happy to get rid
11:43
Speaker 1: of her. No. Oh, now I need to tell you.
11:49
Speaker 1: They get done with Asia's makeup and it's. Gorgeous. Like.
11:57
Speaker 1: It's stunning. It's like that kind of gray slate, smoky eye.
12:04
Speaker 1: And then, yeah, a red headpiece and this dress. She
12:09
Speaker 1: looks in the mirror and she cannot stop looking at herself.
12:12
Speaker 1: She's like, I look good. I've never looked better. I've
12:14
Speaker 1: never looked better. She comes in, people are like, have
12:16
Speaker 1: you ever seen me look better? Not ever. She is like,
12:19
Speaker 1: my waist, my fucking ass, my face. I mean, I'm
12:24
Speaker 1: going to get married to myself. I'm falling in love
12:28
Speaker 1: with my reflection. This is it. This is me falling
12:30
Speaker 1: into the puddle. This is it. I get it. He
12:32
Speaker 1: is going to cry slash die. Cry die. The cry. Which,
12:40
Speaker 1: of course, is the ideal reaction. So he, of course,
12:46
Speaker 1: is wearing traditional Igbo regalia, which is senator wear, which
12:54
Speaker 1: is a red cap with a feather. And I see
12:59
Speaker 1: that on him and I'm like, oh, okay, well, let's
13:01
Speaker 1: just see if that stays on the whole time. Because
13:03
Speaker 1: surely he made a whole big to-do how she, God bless,
13:09
Speaker 1: forced this weave on him. And so the weave's going
13:11
Speaker 1: to be seen, right? Is the weave just for the
13:14
Speaker 1: night after? When am I going to see that forehead, honey?
13:18
Speaker 1: And we never see it. That hat stays on. Feather
13:21
Speaker 1: in his cap. Okay, so... They're having a beautiful dinner party,
13:31
Speaker 1: and she's obviously in her gown. She's made them squeeze
13:38
Speaker 1: her corset into what she says is 24 inches and
13:42
Speaker 1: given her a BBL. And obviously, she just keeps saying
13:47
Speaker 1: things like, ain't that pretty? And I'm telling you, I
13:50
Speaker 1: love it so much. They all get in a van.
13:53
Speaker 1: She has various fans. The woman came, God bless, with
13:57
Speaker 1: a fan around her neck and a fan that you
13:59
Speaker 1: go around. I'm sorry, a fan around her neck that
14:01
Speaker 1: is like a headphone kind of fan with the two
14:05
Speaker 1: small fans on the side. And then now she has
14:07
Speaker 1: one that hangs around her neck like a necklace, just
14:09
Speaker 1: holding it up. And, you know, I can only imagine
14:13
Speaker 1: how hot it's in the van. All her girlies are there.
14:15
Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't know what's going to happen
14:18
Speaker 1: with Rod, but he better fucking be there. And he
14:21
Speaker 1: is there, and they walk up and have a conversation.
14:23
Speaker 1: He apologizes for overreacting and says it's his job to
14:26
Speaker 1: protect her. And she's like, okay, well, I'm glad you're here.
14:30
Speaker 1: You're not going to walk me down that aisle, honey.
14:31
Speaker 1: He's like, what? She's like, yeah. He's like, well, thank
14:38
Speaker 1: you for, I guess, accepting my apology, but is this
14:42
Speaker 1: what he wants? Because you don't belong to yourself now.
14:45
Speaker 1: And we're like, oh, my God. She's like, oh, no, baby,
14:49
Speaker 1: I belong to God. Slash me. So I always kind
14:52
Speaker 1: of belong to me. Slash God. I wouldn't worry about it, Rod.
14:57
Speaker 1: You know? It's so funny because I'm like, usually I'd
15:01
Speaker 1: be like, that's really sexist. And, you know, God bless
15:03
Speaker 1: what a patriarchal situation. She doesn't belong to herself. But
15:05
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is not one of us
15:07
Speaker 1: believes that that's like truly a situation that she has
15:09
Speaker 1: to particularly worry about. She just likes saying stuff like, yeah, totally. Now,
15:17
Speaker 1: when Malcolm... I'm sorry, when Maxwell sees her, I don't
15:21
Speaker 1: know why I keep calling him Malcolm. When Maxwell sees her,
15:23
Speaker 1: he is beside himself. He's like, I didn't even see
15:28
Speaker 1: who walked her down the aisle. I was taken aback.
15:31
Speaker 1: She is gorgeous. And she was. I'm so happy for them.
15:36
Speaker 1: Then their vows happen. And the person that does their
15:39
Speaker 1: vows after is like, may I present to you the
15:43
Speaker 1: newest couple on the town? I was like, on the town?
15:49
Speaker 1: stepping out with my baby you're just like oh it's
15:52
Speaker 1: so interesting how very like 1940s but then babe's dancers
15:58
Speaker 1: come out with all of these like jingly beads and
16:01
Speaker 1: like the brightest big smiles and it's like so much
16:04
Speaker 1: like fun and there's so much life i love the
16:06
Speaker 1: fact that they had this because like the other part
16:09
Speaker 1: of this wedding feels a little like is this like
16:16
Speaker 1: an it feels like a a wedding that could be
16:19
Speaker 1: happening like in the early nineties, like on Valentine's day
16:22
Speaker 1: in America with all the decor and stuff like that.
16:28
Speaker 1: Now she has her slogan, which is Asia to the max,
16:37
Speaker 1: which is her name first, which is funny because it's her,
16:42
Speaker 1: her full name and his just, he just gets max.
16:46
Speaker 1: I love it. So, um, Rod says that she won't
16:50
Speaker 1: ever be happy because we're like, why is it? Because
16:53
Speaker 1: you think that like only you could have given her
16:55
Speaker 1: what she wants and stuff like that, which is like,
16:57
Speaker 1: you know, like your love or whatever that he's like,
17:00
Speaker 1: because this under this administration, he's not going to make
17:04
Speaker 1: it to the U S and we're like, Oh, okay. Rod. Now,
17:13
Speaker 1: Then we're like, oh my God, I forgot. They're going
17:15
Speaker 1: to have sex. And like, that's a whole different conversation
17:18
Speaker 1: they haven't had sex with. And this is when she's like,
17:21
Speaker 1: I've seen his imprint. And we're like, what? Your imprint?
17:25
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah. And I am terrified. She said, Lord Jesus,
17:30
Speaker 1: watch over me tonight. She says, oh my God, honey.
17:34
Speaker 1: I think they're going to have good sex. I just
17:40
Speaker 1: don't know who's going to tell you more. I feel
17:42
Speaker 1: like he's going to be shy about it. I feel
17:43
Speaker 1: like she's going to say whatever. I don't know if
17:45
Speaker 1: she's going to say a lot or be like, well,
17:46
Speaker 1: usually us Christian women are very modest, but God told
17:50
Speaker 1: me to tell you all that it's nine inches uncut
17:56
Speaker 1: or whatever. Yeah. I wish Juliet would give her the
18:10
Speaker 1: sex talk. Be like, well, now that you're going to
18:12
Speaker 1: be a woman, I might as well tell you what
18:14
Speaker 1: happens on your wedding night. She's like, mom, I know.
18:17
Speaker 1: She's like, no, hey, listen. She's like, God told me.
18:19
Speaker 1: She's like, shh. I remember when your daddy came into
18:22
Speaker 1: my chamber. She's like, no. I would die for that.
18:26
Speaker 1: That's not going to happen, though. It's too bad. Okay,
18:30
Speaker 1: my loves, Marissa and Edward. So this is where... This
18:34
Speaker 1: scene is what I wanted from them from the storyline
18:38
Speaker 1: this entire time, which is that we finally give Edward
18:42
Speaker 1: a moment of his culture for him to do his thing, right?
18:46
Speaker 1: And it's perfect. She's nowhere to be found. He's spending
18:49
Speaker 1: time with the sons. The sons and him have an
18:52
Speaker 1: interesting relationship. It's kind of like hard to sort of read.
18:56
Speaker 1: They're on the way to... obviously get their hair done.
18:59
Speaker 1: They're like, where are we going? He's like, the Dominican
19:02
Speaker 1: barber shop. Like, what's the name of it? He's like,
19:04
Speaker 1: Dominican barber shop. Like, no, what's the name of the shop?
19:07
Speaker 1: He's like, Dominican barber shop. It's fully obviously who's on first.
19:12
Speaker 1: He's like, so you guys, are you happy that I'm here?
19:15
Speaker 1: They're like, well, we have a dog. He's like, no, yeah,
19:18
Speaker 1: but also besides the dog, are you happy? Like, the dog.
19:22
Speaker 1: So it's like, it's kind of like written down like
19:26
Speaker 1: a sitcom or like a multicam scene would be, which
19:31
Speaker 1: is interesting, which then I'm like, I can't tell if
19:34
Speaker 1: there's having fun, like a, you know, like a family,
19:36
Speaker 1: or if this is really like, they don't want to answer,
19:39
Speaker 1: but they are not having fun with him. It is
19:41
Speaker 1: perfect though, to bring these kids to a Dominican barbershop.
19:45
Speaker 1: He walks in, he, you know, is like, this is
19:47
Speaker 1: what's happening. He's like, yeah, them kids are going to
19:49
Speaker 1: get whatever they want. And the kids are a little like, no, no,
19:52
Speaker 1: it's going to happen. We like his hair, but like,
19:54
Speaker 1: you know, what's... What's the R's going to look like?
19:57
Speaker 1: And then of course they get their haircuts and they
20:00
Speaker 1: love it. You know, it's like 10 out of 10.
20:02
Speaker 1: I'm like, unfortunately, my only note is too short of scene.
20:06
Speaker 1: I wanted other people to walk over. I wanted them
20:09
Speaker 1: to have a conversation like, so what's it like growing
20:11
Speaker 1: up in the DR? Or like, you know, like what
20:13
Speaker 1: are the kids like there? Or like how to, you know,
20:15
Speaker 1: what's it like when you have a stepdad? Like I
20:17
Speaker 1: would love anyone else to have a conversation where they
20:20
Speaker 1: have another person's like point of view about all of this.
20:24
Speaker 1: But no, again, over too fast. We then get a
20:27
Speaker 1: shot of Marissa like, no. Marissa has like some me
20:31
Speaker 1: time in that 90s wooden bedroom, honey, with her barefoot dreams, black,
20:38
Speaker 1: gray leopard print throw blanket and her matching kind of
20:43
Speaker 1: like leopard print phone case from Casify and a spiral
20:47
Speaker 1: notebook for her to like, you know, solve all the
20:49
Speaker 1: world's problems in one night. Whew. It's a read. Anyway,
20:56
Speaker 1: so she's still thinking about the lawyer conversation because she's
21:00
Speaker 1: reeling over the fact that she just somehow learned that
21:03
Speaker 1: she'll be on the hook for him for 10 years,
21:04
Speaker 1: even though obviously we know that's impossible. You should have
21:07
Speaker 1: known that already. That would have been like right when
21:08
Speaker 1: you were doing that paperwork before they started filming. Okay.
21:12
Speaker 1: All right. We know that. She's like, I just don't know.
21:17
Speaker 1: What if I can't accept the things... He hasn't learned
21:21
Speaker 1: yet or how long it's taking. What if he has
21:23
Speaker 1: expectations of me I'm not fulfilling? We're like, he does.
21:30
Speaker 1: She's like, let me just get back to business. She
21:32
Speaker 1: unzips her Kleinfeld's dress. We're like, oh my God. She
21:35
Speaker 1: has no makeup on, which you hardly ever see her
21:37
Speaker 1: with no makeup. That means none of that eyeliner, no
21:40
Speaker 1: under eye makeup. We're like, oh girl. She's getting married
21:43
Speaker 1: in four hours. She's overthinking of it. We're also like
21:46
Speaker 1: low key at this point, I'm like, okay. She kind
21:50
Speaker 1: of keeps going like, I have to do this, I
21:51
Speaker 1: have to do that, I still have to do this.
21:52
Speaker 1: And I'm like, bitch, do you not have a wedding
21:56
Speaker 1: day of coordinator? Do you not have a day of coordinator?
22:02
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that every girl does. It's truly a privilege.
22:07
Speaker 1: But bitch, you're rich and you're in the wedding industry.
22:11
Speaker 1: And you're going to tell me that no one, not you,
22:14
Speaker 1: not Joan, not no one, none of your rich ass
22:16
Speaker 1: housewife friends didn't give you Some nice wedding day coordinator
22:21
Speaker 1: to do the day of shit. That's not real. There's
22:26
Speaker 1: no way. How cheap can you be? Are you just
22:29
Speaker 1: not rich? Is this all for show? Do you just
22:32
Speaker 1: want to pretend you're rich and you just are having
22:34
Speaker 1: hardcore money problems? Either your mom does as well. Your
22:37
Speaker 1: mom is just sick of bailing you out or is
22:41
Speaker 1: already just paying to keep you afloat. So that's what's happening.
22:43
Speaker 1: I have no idea, but something about it is fishy.
22:47
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm in disbelief. It feels like she's disassociating,
22:49
Speaker 1: you know, like she starts to get her makeup and
22:51
Speaker 1: hair done. So she's obviously paid for that, which is fine,
22:54
Speaker 1: but God bless. It's just, it's weird that she just
22:55
Speaker 1: keeps complaining about having to do so much stuff. That's
22:57
Speaker 1: why I brought up the coordinator. The makeup is strong.
23:02
Speaker 1: It's not girly, light corals, pinks, kind of rose colored,
23:09
Speaker 1: you know, like it's not, it's like, Just one step
23:12
Speaker 1: back from the makeup she always does, which is like intense,
23:15
Speaker 1: thick eyeliner that's cat eye. And like definitely a warm
23:21
Speaker 1: toned brown eyebrow to her. Well, maybe it's cool toned,
23:27
Speaker 1: but like a dark, cool toned eyebrow on top of
23:31
Speaker 1: like platinum hair and then purple lipstick. It's harsh. It's
23:37
Speaker 1: a little harsh to me. For a wedding day, you know,
23:40
Speaker 1: like I think this makeup would be like hot as
23:43
Speaker 1: hell to go out in New York or like even
23:47
Speaker 1: any sort of night out. So then we get a
23:52
Speaker 1: shot of Edward's family who's there. We're like so happy.
23:54
Speaker 1: I'm like, why couldn't we see him getting them from
23:55
Speaker 1: the airport? What are the kids like? Have they met
23:59
Speaker 1: your mom? Whatever. I would love to see that. I
24:01
Speaker 1: want to see the mom meet Marissa. I don't understand. Okay. Okay.
24:05
Speaker 1: So his mom is there, his cousin Bebe, his mom,
24:08
Speaker 1: Maria slash Tati. And he walks in and he gets
24:11
Speaker 1: like the warmest welcome. He probably hasn't had in so long.
24:14
Speaker 1: They're like, hi, handsome. We made you food and it's breakfast.
24:17
Speaker 1: And you know, it's a good breakfast. Warm, fresh, tasty.
24:21
Speaker 1: Not like macro counted. He's like, oh my God, this
24:26
Speaker 1: is what he's missing. So they do eat. He's like,
24:31
Speaker 1: you guys want to believe how expensive plantains are. And
24:34
Speaker 1: he tells his mom how expensive they are. And she's like, oh,
24:37
Speaker 1: I won't eat them. He's like, ha, ha, ha. They laugh.
24:40
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm not a mama's boy, but I do
24:42
Speaker 1: talk to her every day. They're like, okay, well then. Quack, quack.
24:46
Speaker 1: And sounds like a duck. Every day? Okay. What do
24:56
Speaker 1: you think a mama's boy is then? Just like, okay. Okay.
25:02
Speaker 1: So then her friend, you know, comes over. Oh, no, sorry.
25:04
Speaker 1: Her mom comes over, Joanne. And that's when she's, like,
25:06
Speaker 1: getting that weave in. And the dog is, like, looking on.
25:09
Speaker 1: The dog that's, like, supposed to, like, keep this family afloat.
25:12
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why the kids are happy this
25:14
Speaker 1: is happening. And then her mom and her go to
25:16
Speaker 1: her room. And her mom's like, that dress is gorgeous.
25:18
Speaker 1: We're like, okay, all right. Kleinfeld's really spent a lot
25:22
Speaker 1: of money to have Marissa on this show. I think
25:29
Speaker 1: it's been, like, a weird... season long product placement. You
25:37
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? And then it's like, Marissa is
25:40
Speaker 1: just like shaky, shaky, shaky. She's like, I don't know.
25:42
Speaker 1: I'm just like so upset. Her scenes with her mom
25:45
Speaker 1: remind me of Chloe scenes, like Chloe and Johnny and Aruba,
25:48
Speaker 1: like that whole situation. Her relationship with her mom is
25:51
Speaker 1: sort of like Chloe's relationship with her mom, except we're
25:54
Speaker 1: supposed to like, now we're seeing Chloe's relationship with her mom,
25:57
Speaker 1: like years into the future, rich blonde, Judgmental mom who
26:03
Speaker 1: thinks that their daughter can't get it right. And their
26:07
Speaker 1: daughter tends to be sort of rebellious. Right? The same thing.
26:15
Speaker 1: With chosen aesthetics. And the chosen aesthetics of the daughter
26:19
Speaker 1: when we first meet them are over bleached hair. Marissa
26:23
Speaker 1: is Chloe. Fight me. But don't really fight me. I'm
26:29
Speaker 1: a lover. Okay? Okay? Okay, so this conversation gets weird
26:35
Speaker 1: and fast. So her mom's like, well... Her mom wants
26:38
Speaker 1: to make sense that you are weirded out and second-guessing
26:41
Speaker 1: because this is a horrible decision that you decided to make.
26:44
Speaker 1: And then she's like, you know what? You need a drink.
26:46
Speaker 1: And Marissa's like, I don't drink. She's like, well... let's start.
26:49
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, it's because you want to drink, bitch.
26:51
Speaker 1: You want to drink. Today's the day to start your
26:53
Speaker 1: wedding day. Also, if you really think that your daughter
26:55
Speaker 1: shouldn't get married, then why are you trying to get
26:56
Speaker 1: your daughter wasted? You should get your daughter, I don't know,
26:59
Speaker 1: to a place to make an honest decision. All of
27:01
Speaker 1: it makes no sense. Okay. More of that to come.
27:06
Speaker 1: Joan looks great though. She's wearing my God, emerald jewelry.
27:09
Speaker 1: It So Katie Honey is at a Victorian house where
27:15
Speaker 1: she's going to get married. She's joined by her friends
27:17
Speaker 1: that are now finally here, Danica and Sarah. I'm like,
27:19
Speaker 1: where weren't you guys when she needed to set up
27:21
Speaker 1: the place and was putting all of that on goddamn
27:23
Speaker 1: Josh's family? Wow. But she's in a very heavily patterned room.
27:29
Speaker 1: I guess that it's a very beautiful, traditionally decorated room.
27:32
Speaker 1: At the same time, could you deal with it? It'd
27:34
Speaker 1: be a little much for me. I should have had
27:35
Speaker 1: a picture for you, and I don't. Anyway, now she's
27:41
Speaker 1: getting her friends to do her hair and makeup because
27:43
Speaker 1: the one thing about Katie, honey, she's not going to
27:44
Speaker 1: spend any money. No money, not necessary. And she's not
27:48
Speaker 1: going to do anything pre when they have to get done.
27:52
Speaker 1: So she's not going to also showcase love or respect
27:55
Speaker 1: for Josh. And she has no problem humiliating him on
27:58
Speaker 1: TV in ways in which I'm like, do you understand that?
28:00
Speaker 1: I can't imagine being like, I haven't written my vows yet.
28:04
Speaker 1: I'm just going to have AI do it. Again, I've
28:09
Speaker 1: never used AI. And also B, because that is horrifying.
28:13
Speaker 1: If I was watching this and I saw my person
28:19
Speaker 1: that was about to get married to me used chat
28:21
Speaker 1: GPT to write the vows of my wedding, I would
28:24
Speaker 1: have a very honest conversation with myself of whether that
28:27
Speaker 1: was one of the most humiliating things that's ever happened
28:30
Speaker 1: on TV alone, much less in my life and much
28:33
Speaker 1: less to me and whether I could sustain myself another
28:35
Speaker 1: day on being married to that person. Okay. So it's
28:40
Speaker 1: so weird, right? We're like, okay. So she's like, all right,
28:42
Speaker 1: I've got to think of my vows. Penis, penis, penis, penis. Oh,
28:45
Speaker 1: it can't be that. Can't just be the word penis
28:46
Speaker 1: over and over again, right? They're like, no. She's like, well, okay,
28:50
Speaker 1: how about penis, penis, penis, penis? Oh, fuck, it's still penis.
28:53
Speaker 1: Can't do that? Like, bitch, no, think of something else.
28:55
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm having obtrusive thoughts. I just want to
28:57
Speaker 1: keep saying penis. It's just the last penis I'm going
29:00
Speaker 1: to see. It's his penis. It's a good penis, but
29:02
Speaker 1: also the last one. Last penis, last penis on earth.
29:06
Speaker 1: Last penis, I gave him my heart, but the very
29:10
Speaker 1: next day, I never could see a penis again. You know,
29:13
Speaker 1: like you're just like, no, that's a song that is
29:17
Speaker 1: being sung during Christmas. He's like, I know, that's what
29:21
Speaker 1: I'm thinking. Penis. We're like, oh my God, girl. Cuts
29:24
Speaker 1: to him. He's putting on garters to keep his shirt down,
29:33
Speaker 1: which reads, very BDSM sub. Wildly. But we're just... He
29:45
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be even familiar with the device of it.
29:50
Speaker 1: His friend comes over, instead of waiting and being like,
29:53
Speaker 1: one second while I get this thing done. He's like, oh, awkward, fumbling.
29:55
Speaker 1: He's like, come in, but don't look at me. So
29:57
Speaker 1: his friend Megan comes in, one of his very best friends, Megan's,
30:01
Speaker 1: one of his, I'm sorry, one of his very favorite
30:02
Speaker 1: kinds of people in this world, eccentric looking, pale skin,
30:07
Speaker 1: redhead people. So then Megan comes in, looks at him.
30:10
Speaker 1: She's like, he said, he's like, I said, don't look.
30:12
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm like, what is happening? What is happening?
30:16
Speaker 1: What is happening here? He has no friends over to
30:21
Speaker 1: help him get dressed because none of his male friends
30:23
Speaker 1: would come. So Megan just has to be there, I guess,
30:26
Speaker 1: to watch him get dressed from a certain point on.
30:31
Speaker 1: Can't help him. Doesn't tell him that it's weird for
30:34
Speaker 1: him to wear those garters. She has like a black
30:42
Speaker 1: bra that's like peeking through her blue dress. They have
30:47
Speaker 1: a very dry back and forth. For someone who at
30:50
Speaker 1: one point promised us to be closing down a bar
30:53
Speaker 1: at 4 a.m., I'm like, I can't understand these two.
30:56
Speaker 1: Katie's wearing one of those... things that hold your hair
30:59
Speaker 1: back in a big pink way with like diamonds. Her friends,
31:03
Speaker 1: you know, and her talk more about this whole like,
31:05
Speaker 1: you know, monogamous thing. And she was just like, yeah, no,
31:07
Speaker 1: I like him. I want to be monogamous with him.
31:09
Speaker 1: It's just him. I'm in love with him. It's him
31:10
Speaker 1: for sure. But also just what if, so I asked
31:14
Speaker 1: him like, if you ever want to have a threesome,
31:15
Speaker 1: he said, maybe the future, but like not now, but
31:17
Speaker 1: also like maybe the future, thank God, because I just
31:18
Speaker 1: don't want to think about the fact that it's the
31:19
Speaker 1: last penis ever. So I'm just, you know, not thinking
31:22
Speaker 1: about that. Also, I'm always late to things. So I
31:28
Speaker 1: might be late to my wedding, but we'll see. I
31:29
Speaker 1: don't know. I hope I'm not late, but you know,
31:30
Speaker 1: it could happen. Cause you know, I'm always late. Back
31:36
Speaker 1: with Josh, Megan's like, well, what are you worried about?
31:38
Speaker 1: And he's like, just, you know, the potential lip service
31:40
Speaker 1: that she really just like tells me what she thinks
31:42
Speaker 1: I want to hear, you know, but it's really not
31:44
Speaker 1: really real, real, like not real at all, or especially
31:48
Speaker 1: like not going to be like sustainable real. So like
31:50
Speaker 1: maybe a, like she gets married to me, but like,
31:53
Speaker 1: what if it's only for a year in her mind?
31:55
Speaker 1: Or like, I don't know, what if she doesn't even
31:57
Speaker 1: show up to the wedding ceremony right now? Could be
32:00
Speaker 1: either one of those things is what I'm worried about.
32:01
Speaker 1: She's like, what? He's like, yeah, it could be either one.
32:05
Speaker 1: And Meg's like, okay, I guess it just really comes
32:06
Speaker 1: down to, do you even trust this person? He's like, well, no, no. No,
32:15
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. I don't trust her, what she
32:17
Speaker 1: says at all. I guess, did you hear what I said, Megan? Ooh, honey,
32:23
Speaker 1: my loves. All right, babes. What a thrilling episode as
32:29
Speaker 1: we get ourselves to the wedding. Some of us have
32:35
Speaker 1: witnessed the ceremony for some people and some of us
32:37
Speaker 1: are in the pews waiting for the ceremony to start
32:39
Speaker 1: for other people. And we're about to see them and
32:42
Speaker 1: also get the tidbits of what happened the next day.
32:45
Speaker 1: So it's like some of us are going to go
32:46
Speaker 1: to that Sunday brunch that happens afterward or the brunch after,
32:48
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? That the people that are
32:50
Speaker 1: out of town and guests get invited to, if we're
32:53
Speaker 1: going to continue this metaphor. I love you guys so much.
32:56
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. If you haven't yet,
32:58
Speaker 1: please give me five stars and a helpful review. Tell
33:00
Speaker 1: me your favorite joke or tell me what you're into
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Speaker 1: or share this podcast RSS wherever you listen to on
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Speaker 1: Apple and Spotify and your review with a friend if
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Speaker 1: you want. I hope it brings you some amount of
33:11
Speaker 1: like peace or joy or a laugh or like a
33:14
Speaker 1: dumb aha moment. At the same time, you can follow
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Speaker 1: me on YouTube. I'm at, I'm Chris Farah on YouTube
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Speaker 1: and I do fun lives there. You can also pay
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Speaker 1: $ 5 for unedited and you know, first, fresh off the
33:26
Speaker 1: press episodes, patreon.com slash chrisferra. And of course, my socials
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Speaker 1: at chriselferra on TikTok and Instagram. And I have a
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Speaker 1: Facebook group, Vanity Ferra, and a page on Facebook, chrisferra.
33:41
Speaker 1: So hand to heart, let's touch ourselves in a good
33:45
Speaker 1: way and touch each other in a way where we
33:48
Speaker 1: connect through this universal energy that is the connective tissue
33:54
Speaker 1: for us all. Just Bringing ourselves to the present moment,
33:58
Speaker 1: using breath, giving yourselves two full breaths without thinking or
34:02
Speaker 1: worrying about anything or planning anything, just to be with
34:06
Speaker 1: yourself and just to remember what it feels like to feel, okay?
34:11
Speaker 1: Here we go. All right, babes, take care of yourselves
34:36
Speaker 1: and one another. Stand up for what you believe and
34:38
Speaker 1: make art, and I'll talk to you. Love you. Bye.