Latest / Sass & Small TALK / The Invisible Load of: FINDING YOUR RHYTHM AS A MILITARY NEURODIVERGENT SOLO PARENT

Transcript

The Invisible Load of: FINDING YOUR RHYTHM AS A MILITARY NEURODIVERGENT SOLO PARENT · Sass & Small TALK

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: I started as a single mother.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: That was preparation for being a military wife.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: I have friends that are like, I don't know how you do it.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: I would die without my husband.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like I need him.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: Not that I don't need mine, like I do, but I also can't need him the same way that you need yours.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, as we pass birthdays or anniversaries.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like this year in particular, he's not home for anyone's birthday.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Not a single one.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: He's missed his own birthday at home.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: Working out like all the time.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And like had such a good routine.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: And then I got pregnant and I was like, no.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Tyson.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, what?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then he sailed.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Every time somebody comes home from a deployment, I'm like, are you pregnant yet?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Are you pregnant yet?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like that's what happened.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: The neuro spicy brain types.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_02: The world's not made for us.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Why can't I walk into a room and do the task I actually wanted to do?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: The dishes.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, but there's recycling.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then I go into the recycle room.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, but there's laundry.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, oh, but then there's like, I forgot to water the flowers.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: And then we go outside.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, but I gotta sweep the patio.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's like, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to be doing the dishes.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: Get out of my brain.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: You're anxious right now.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I can't tell.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, that's because I've had practice hiding it.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Mask every.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I couldn't get out of bed.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: And this is why my husband's really good.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: Because he's the anchor.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: He's gone for a long time and comes back.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I just need a hug.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, just give me a hug.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: You have kids at home, like, you can't fall apart right now.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: You you're an artist.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Paint.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: I need my sass back.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_05: If you're doing it all from meltdown to task and still fighting to keep up that sass, friend, I got you.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, I'm Deb, host of Sass and Smalltalk, the mental load of parenthood, season two.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_05: As a mom of two smollies, navigating life with a neurodivergent family, and my own neurospicy brain, caregiving for aging parents, and trying to hold it all together with grace.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_05: I know what it means to carry the mental, emotional, and invisible load of parenting.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_05: But here's the thing: we weren't meant to do this alone.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_05: This season, we're exploring the many faces of parenthood, from single parents to co-parents, blended families to chosen families, and everything in between.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_05: Right here in our beautiful city of Victoria, BC, and beyond.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_05: They're sharing real stories of overwhelm, grief, imposter syndrome, breaking generational cycles with the resilience it takes to keep showing up.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_05: Real parents, real families, real stories.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_05: Because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parent.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: Dallin, I need my sass back.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_05: This is Sass's Smalltalk, where we talk about the mental load of parenthood in all its messy, beautiful forms.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_05: Today's guest is Catherine Babcock.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_05: An artist, homeschool mom, and a Navy wife.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_05: She's raising four beautifully neurodivergent kids while navigating her own ADHD brain, often solo as her husband serves at sea.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_05: Through deployments and homecomings, Catherine has learned to roll with the punches, to anchor herself in creativity, and to find joy in the in-between moments.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_05: Her story is one of motherhood, identity, and the quiet strength it takes to hold it all together.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_05: This is Catherine.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_05: Hi, friend.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_05: Hi.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_05: Hello.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_05: Hello.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for being here.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_05: I'm so thrilled because I've been wanting to talk to you.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_05: I talk to you all the time, but not behind a mind.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm excited because we need to know more about this life that you lead.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_05: Because you live to tell.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_05: Right?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, you got kids waiting for you at home.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_05: So let's just get to it.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_05: Sure.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_05: Who sits at your table?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: At my table.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I have my husband.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um with everyone home, sorry.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: When he's home.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: When he's home.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I'll have my husband who is uh the military member in our house, and then myself, and then I have an almost 14-year-old daughter.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: I have a set of twin boys that are nine and a half, and an almost six-year-old.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, amazing.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: So lots of little boys.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_05: I lost her.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_05: Again, she lists the shell.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_05: I love it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_05: What does your typical day look like in your house?
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Typical day.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, if I haven't hit the TV remotes, somebody has snuck on before I got out of bed, mostly Henry.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: Watching TV.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Which is why we deleted YouTube off our TV.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then, you know, kind of scrounge up breakfast.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: Usually it's some type of therapy to kind of start the day for one of the children.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe some schoolwork in between if we're at that point.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: Trying to keep them off screens on a little bit, off a screen.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if Jacob has his way, he'll be out in the garden digging.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, he's got a little green thumb.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, he doesn't have a green thumb.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: He's a mud thumb.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: He's got a mud thumb.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: He's got a brown thumb.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_04: Well, this is fine.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_04: Lots of brown.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, lots of brown.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_04: Everywhere.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so we actually had to buy like a lockbox for our faucet because he would just go outside and turn that on and water costs money.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, That's a thing.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'll send you all the links.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: I have that.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a thing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: It is a thing.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, you can literally buy.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a box.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: It has a key.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so but he's not dumb.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: He knows where the key is.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: So he would just go in one time.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where he found the key, but he found the key, took the lockbox off, and I'm like, where's the key?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I would put it under my pillow.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: Well, at least he's honest.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, you just stole it.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like putting out Jacob fires, getting people fed andor off the television, and then getting people to point A to point B, um, and all that in between.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: So just busy, busy.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like a taxi driver.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're a taxi driver and you're a firefighter.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, firefighters.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_05: She is a full-blown multitasker, is what you are.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_05: And this is with or without Tyson being home.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's a bit of both.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, like he works when he isn't at sea or like posted out anywhere, he is still at work like eight to four.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: So, yes, which is great because then like when he comes home, it's like that shift in the day that moves us into okay, it's dinner time.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because I hate, hate making dinner.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: I hate it.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like if my kids didn't have to eat, I'd be like, thank God.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because If you could just order out every single day.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, if it wasn't a million dollars.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: Not that grocery stores aren't a million dollars now, but it makes sense now more to me as I learn about like ADHD in adults.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: Where it's like, that's like your burnout threshold for the day.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, yes when you want a nap.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's when like you've been touched out, talked out, like demanded out all of it, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like when he's not coming home at like 4 30, then it's like dinner doesn't get to the table till like 7 p.m., which is bedtime, because I'm like, oh, I forgot, or I got sidetracked or side quested to like a million other things.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, because your routine was kind of thrown off.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: So that's one of the hard shifts about like when he's home when he's not home.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: So when he's home, it's great because he also likes to make dinner.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: Praise God.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: So I married the right spouse.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: You did I did well because I prosthetize them.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, he's great.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's amazing.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: Amazing.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_05: Well, then when you say that he's not home, uh, or when he is home, then you you're thrown off your routine.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_05: But then when he's fully not home because he's deployed, yeah.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_04: There's still no routine.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_04: There's no okay.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_04: So basically you don't really have a routine.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: You just kind of roll with the day, which is good and bad.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Because like, you know, having a house full of autistic children, routine is key.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: But the problem is when you're narrow spicy, you just generally don't keep a routine.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Or you like, you know, like I feel, again, being female, this could be a disadvantage.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you've got your phases and your cycles, and like, you know, after your period phase, then you've got like superwoman.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you've got this.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: And you're like, I could do everything.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm gonna declutter the back room and I'm gonna take the shelf apart.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna build this thing, and I'm gonna put it.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_05: I don't hear from her.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: You know, buried in all these projects that I was like stewing on for the last seven months.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I'm gonna do this, this, and this, and this.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then after that, like PMS, like with the loodle phase or whatever the heck they call it, and then your period phase, you're just like a couch potato.
• 8:10
  unknown: Right.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: But again, that's also part.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, and it's also because like that's like your recharge time.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: Your nervous system just doesn't, your brain doesn't work the same as everybody else.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that's kind of where it is.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we'll have like rock star weeks, sometimes one to two weeks, everything's like banging out.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Y'all gonna just watch TV for two weeks.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_05: You're accommodating to your nervous system, you're accommodating to well, they not just the kids, but yours too.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, which is important.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_05: You gotta love that.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_05: So let's go back to the idea of you homeschooling.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_05: Like with everything, you've got four children, you have a husband that's not consistently there at exactly the same time, like it changes.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_05: So, why are you homeschooling?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_05: Tell me the story behind that.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: So we had our daughter in um traditional school for the first three three years, so K one and two.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: And like she always wanted to be homeschooled.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, she wanted okay.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know, like I didn't feel good enough, which is interesting because I just like, well, I read I read a post somewhere.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: Why would you stick your kids in yeah, we're all get all my own.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Rwanda, yeah.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, why would you stick your kid into a school system instead of homeschooling them in the system that makes you feel like you're inadequate to homeschool them?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like, yeah, that that makes sense.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's kind of almost like a vicious cycle, right?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so when our twins were born, and like Henry was our first one to get diagnosed, so he's the oldest twin, and he was three.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: So like we knew because he was like textbook autistic, didn't speak, would spin around in circles, like very visual, like easy stimming.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: I remember we had one toy in particular that was like this giraffe that you pumped the top and the balls jumped, but the bottom part spun.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: And he would just lay his head sideways and push it, and he wasn't noticing the balls.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was all about the spinning on the bottom.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and then like, you know, lining up the toys and like laying down, laying on the ground very and I knew.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I asked my mom because she'd worked through the school system like her whole career.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Mom, like, what is this?
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: I've never really seen this.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, get an assessment because then you know it doesn't hurt anybody, it's public, so we didn't pay anything.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So we went through Vican.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then within about a year of questioning what's going on and getting on the list, he was diagnosed at that time, like the day before I found out I was pregnant with Jacob.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my, which was our fourth, and I was not in a good headspace.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: It was it was a lot in like 48-hour period.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: When you get a kid diagnosed, then there's almost like a grieving period, the life that you may have anticipated.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: For sure.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like family trips to Disney World.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: Heck no, I don't want to do that.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's so much stimulation.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like some of those elements of life that you thought you would have are no longer there.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: You can have easy, yeah, or easier.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, family vacations.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, we gotta like scaffold and front load and like all these things to try to make sure we don't have combustion chamber in the van as everyone's exploding because their nervous system is like maxed out, right?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know where I was going with that.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, I lost my turn.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_05: But no, I no, I I like what you're saying is that you you went through this grieving process and not your typical grieving process, but it is typical for neurodivergent families who are getting have these dreams of whatever your family looks like.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: And you had to make that shift as you're bringing them into this appointment, or did you already know?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we had a hunch.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: We had a hunch, but we didn't really know what autism was at that point, right?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: So, like once he was diagnosed, okay, now I need to dig.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, I found all the books and read everything because this is my brain, where it's like, I don't know anything.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: So then you're the next one.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: And then within a year, but through Henry's diagnosis process, like through his whole assessment, oh my gosh, like this is Oliver.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like, Oliver is doing these things too.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_02: When his twin brother, which is again very common.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_02: If you got one, you got another.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: And usually siblings can definitely have some overlapping like that.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so then by the time we so we got Oliver on the wait list, and then when I went to Oliver's appointment, Jacob was three months old.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it was exactly a year to almost the date.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: So funny.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: Dr.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: Wellington was the doc was the psychologist that did it through Vikant.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so we saw Henry, where I was pregnant with Jacob, and then he saw Oliver a year later, where Jacob was a baby.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think a year or two later, he then saw Jacob.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: So Jacob had been in that office three times.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: So he's like, This is not my first rodeo.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, he's like, I've seen you guys before.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you have.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: So he diagnosed all three of our.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: Incredible.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_05: It was the same doctor that we saw.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_05: And you won't choose this.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: This is no, it's just the system.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if there's any other psychologists that do diagnose through Vikan outside of him, but he was one of them.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like I really I really liked him.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: He was really great.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then for our daughter, it was just so much harder to pick up.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like we had a really we had a doozy of a first, yeah, you do, right?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: Of a of a first assessment.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: She was, I want to say, oh my gosh, how old was she?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Eight or nine?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: Jacob was definitely around.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: He was a baby.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: And we had gone over to Port Coquitlam.
• 12:50
  unknown: Okay.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, to see this doctor.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it was awful.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like, she walked away from the assessment being like, I can't do math and I can't read.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, why do you feel like that?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's awful.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, and then this doctor also like ignored any sensory input, um, like disorders or like things and like she can't sit right like she can't do all this stuff.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so it was like, okay.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: So then we reassessed her, and then it was like, yeah, okay, we got kind of confirmation that we knew what was going on now.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that was hard because girls often get forgotten.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, our entire generations have almost been forgotten.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I know so many women now.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: Why are things like doing laundry so hard for me?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: Why can't I walk into a room and do the task I actually wanted to do?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sitting there now doing eight side quests because I noticed that they're done.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: And if I don't do them now, I'm gonna forget.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's me, like, and that's my mother, actually.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I walk in and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna come do the dishes.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, but there's recycling.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then I go into the recycle room.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, but there's laundry.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm like, oh, but then there's like, I forgot to water the flowers.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: And then I went outside, I'm like, oh, but I gotta sweep the patio.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: And that's like, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to be doing the dishes.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: Get out of my brain.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Everything.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's just like, yes, oh my gosh.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like one day I would just like one train to go through the station, not eight.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: You've gotten derailed through your life.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Everything.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: And like, and like looking back now, like having gone through the assessments of my kids, I started to realize, okay, I've got some stuff for myself to unpack here.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um, which is good because, like, again, I think, I mean, as an adult, you can decide, you know, sometimes medication is the route for ADHD, but it's also like being able to kind of heal yourself because forgive yourself.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: Well, forgive yourself because you're like, oh, I may have made that choice because I was trying to cope, or I was trying to self-medicate, or I was trying to like regulate my nervous system.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying to calm down, yeah, and trying to figure out there's so many like layers to everyone's brain, the neurospicy brain types.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: The world's not made for us.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: What's amazing is we are the shapers of the world.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like you look at like Albert Einstein, come on, please.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Steve Jobs, like all of these.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: Give me that brain, you know, like yeah, well, I mean, and they they they have all those extra synopsis.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: That's why processing takes so much longer.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: But like, they're also like the you know, the creative thinkers, the problem solvers.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like they generally are all the artists, the artists big time, you know.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's like there's just an ability to see the world in a different light.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was a rabbit trail and a half, but you know, ADHD.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, here we go.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know me.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_05: I love it.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_05: I think you should absolutely celebrate as you go back to this history.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's almost kind of the grieving process has been replaced with now.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_05: I'm getting answers.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well, healing because especially for myself.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: I can find it.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: And even like, and I hope for my kids too, that like eventually they can kind of you know for my kids.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_02: We'd bought in like books like my autism stripe.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: My twins, I was reading with them, like, what's autism?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they're like seven or eight, like they're older.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna open that right now.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: You're not even there yet.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas like my daughter's very self-aware, yes because of her age.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: But then the twins are kind of like, I don't know what that is.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't have stripes.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, because it's like a story about a zebra.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: I love it, I love it.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes, yes.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, I don't have an autism stripe because I'm not a zebra.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me you have autism without telling me.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_05: Tell me you have autism without telling me you have autism.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_05: I love that.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, but you know the purity in that.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, it's I can say the purity, and that's where you hear, and there are times, and I'm gonna tell you the truth here, because you hear everywhere autism is beautiful, and it is beautiful because there is a purity, an innocence that you can hold on to for a much longer time.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I agree.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_05: But I also think it's really hard and it's not always beautiful.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm gonna tell you about my recent family vacation.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay, like we can, oh yeah, we can unpack that.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's so hard.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's so many layers, accommodation.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Well, what one of our kids we've we feel is mean, it's not officially diagnosed because they don't really diagnose it with a PDA profile.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: So pathological demand avoidance.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's when any demands, please go brush your teeth and put your pajamas on, becomes a mega meltdown.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like even last night, they were farting around in their like body socks, like you know, like you know, hoping to regulate them.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: No, they weren't regulating.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: They're shoving all their pillows and all their stuff he's in there.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: A little distracted there.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: Get out of the body sock, get your stuff out of the body sock and go to bed.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Again, this was like repeated.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so eventually it got to the point where I was like, demand max and an explosion that impacts the other two siblings in the room, that impacts the one that's exploding and the nervous system.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: He has a really difficult time coming back.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like he's gotten better, but he just like has a lot of like self-loathing in those moments, shame cycling.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: And how do you like that's the ugly side of it?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: It is so hard.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: As a parent, like, how do you protect them in a sense?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: How do you teach them to love themselves?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_02: Even though for me, it's like I have to go back and learn to love my younger self, you know, like your inner child that's gone through all this stuff.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: I have like crazy stories from when I was younger, like, you know, accidents on the playground in the second grade, not because I didn't know how to go to the bathroom, but because I literally couldn't break away from playing to answer my body's request to go to the bathroom.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's a demand itself.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so there's a lot there.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, no, autism, ADHD, PDA, like all those acronyms, OCD, oh, DCD.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: We got lots of like we're collecting them all like Pokemon.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: All of it is it's challenging.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like it's even more challenging because like as much as our world loves to claim inclusivity and you know, we're gonna accommodate everybody, they don't.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: They don't because the system's well, yeah, we're not there yet.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: The system's just not made for that, right?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: But we're making change, which is well, we are, and because like well, parents are you have to be an activist for your kid.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I've had other parents come to me once we had our kids diagnosed.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, like my my son's kind of doing this.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, get an assessment, like it doesn't hurt, go public, it's free.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I'm glad I did because now we know what's going on with him.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it's later at their daughters.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, well, thank God.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because we chose to do what we did to be able to raise our kid, knowing the information that we have due to an assessment, other people can come to us and be like, hey, like, what was this process?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: What did this look like?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: Now that I have a diagnosis, what do I do?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because let me tell you, mountains of paperwork.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: Mountains of paperwork.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: How did you get through that with your own brain?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, my husband.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's how we do it.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, and I hate paperwork, please help me.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's so true.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: But charism is not paperwork or administration, it is creative.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I will paint you a picture all about the paperwork.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: I could paint you a picture of the paperwork, but please don't make me fill it out.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: But I have to.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_05: And so morally, like you're the you've been the representative, you're the one who goes to the appointments because you're home, you're with them.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_05: And so that's where you're serving the family in that sense.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_05: You share the stories, you share the experiences.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_05: Well, going back to everything that you're experiencing, because this is the real deal here.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's not always sunshine and rainbows.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, sunshine and rainbows and fidget spinners, but what it is, actually.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_05: But but it's I mean, that that that could be a beautiful orchestration of noise and all that wonderful stuff, but it's also really, really hard.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot of stuff, very, very heavy, especially when you're solo parenting.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so I want to talk about that because so you're choosing voluntarily to homeschool also based on your experience and why um you kind of you you have to do.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, that was the original question.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: How did you get the show's about ADHD?
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so we that was that was the well, that was the roundabout long answer.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: Once the twins got diagnosed, we're like, we're not gonna stick them in the school system because then you lose all that access to funding.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: So when you homeschool, you could actually the school because you're homeschooling, has that funding, whether it's like$14,000,$16,000, whatever, and they say, Where would you like to delegate this?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas if you're in a brick and mortar school, you they're like, sign the papers because we're gonna use that funding, it's gonna be spread out through the school.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so you might get an EA, an EA if your child needs one, but like generally supports don't look the same.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: We automatically were always gonna homeschool the twins.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so when Jacob was born to you and was eight, and so that was the year we decided to homeschool.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: So we had like a brand new baby, yeah, but Tyson was off for four months because like because I stay at home, there is no need for me to collect maternity um because I ain't working a job.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: I am working a job just you know, not paid.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm earning money by not spending money.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's not true either.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And that's also not true.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, that's not really true, but you know, we we you know the pillar, whatever whatever you want to call it.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, and so my brain is day.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: No, I love your brain crazy.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: I love your brain.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_05: And now you know why, you know why we love your brain is because this is the reality behind it.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you have had to deal with so much layers of like the decisions, the advocacy.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_05: And then also on top of it, having to deal with your own and not having your spouse there consistently all the time.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, which is providing for your family.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_05: So, of course, you're you're you know, holding fort down.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's already hard to hold the fort down with both of us.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_05: Just yeah, with with with a nuclear situation where we're at home and we're just sitting there.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_05: Homer Simpson at the nuclear station.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_05: That's the top.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_05: I'm picturing that's exactly what I'm picturing.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_05: Is Homer Simpson?
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_05: Get out of my brain.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_05: Get out of my brain.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_05: I pictured that too.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_05: And that's not how it is at all.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_05: You're the exact opposite.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_05: And then on top of that, you are learning at home.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_05: So how well how does that look like then?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, about like two months of the year, we're like solid.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're solid.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: So we're good, but I mean it's two months of 10 months.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not very good.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: September and October.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, pretty much.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're like, you're gonna do this year so good.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: We got everything in place.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then it all like crumbles by Thanksgiving, and you're like, is it Christmas yet?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's Christmas, but no Halloween.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: I know how to do a favorite.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then Halloween to Christmas is like no school.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: But we do school, but like again, school not in the traditional sense, right?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because like I am I am all about project-based learning.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like project based learning learning.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, I just want to take I want to take the moment here to pull out a very important um part of our conversation.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_05: So my dear friend Catherine here, if you again tell me you have neurodivergence without telling me you have nerdivergence, I appreciate this.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_05: And she she was gonna hide this little baby, right?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_05: And I said, put that on the table and use it.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_05: So she did.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_05: And then she squeezed it to pieces.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_05: And I don't know if it's nerves or the caffeine, but both.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_05: But it broke.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_05: Whatever.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_05: I want this here to remind us that sometimes we have to do it.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_05: My ADHD item.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's your item.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_05: And you know what?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_05: No shame you need it.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_05: And this is the kind of stuff, yeah.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_05: We need this.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_05: We need some color on this table, and that's what we got.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_05: And so you are taking care of yourself as well as scaffolding everything for the kids at you know, for school.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_05: I want to bring up a term that I I don't know if this is exactly what you're doing, but are we calling this unschooling?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think well, for unschooling, you know, um esque.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: I'm unschooling.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: I have to unschool first as the parent.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was raised in a brick and mortar school.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: My mom says all the time now, she's like, if I could redo it, I would have taken you home.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom is a teacher.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because she's like, I feel like we would have had a better success.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_02: And like the benefit to homeschooling as much as it is a serious struggle.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think the social aspect was what really was tricky to work around because I have so many different needs within our kids.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then it's okay, I need to find all the neurodivergent homeschoolers and I'll have these kids that like.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's how we met.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's true, actually.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's how our girls connected.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: We've already known each other.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: But then it's like, you know, I have got my son who's the youngest, yeah, and he loves the Titanic.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: And all he was supposed to be kindergarten this last year.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and like kindergarten.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, ABC's one, two, threes.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_02: The kid refused.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, like, he's so spicy.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's hot Somali, fiery bookend.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like, Lord, why'd you pack five kids into one?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_02: What did you do to me?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: And he's like, I need to know alphabet.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I didn't know alphabet, but he could tell you all the stats in the Titanic.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, he's a brilliant because he's brilliant.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you also need to learn to read and write.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's kind of key.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: Because then you could study more, but he could tell you all about the Carpethia that saved all the people from the Titanic and the Britannica and the Olympics.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_05: Now, let me ask you, did you use that?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, to help him?
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: We've had like he's got a BI respite worker who's coming and like literally redone the alphabet with the Titanic and an iceberg.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so Titanic.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what I mean.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's the beauty of homeschooling is like you can take their hyper focus and now use it to teach everything else around it.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: And say your kid loves trains.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, sweet, let's go to Harry to Jacker's, where you can ride on a little train.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_02: We can learn about history, we can learn about social studies, we can learn about science because there's a forest.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: Take school anywhere, which is what we did.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like we did drive across the country while my husband was deployed.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_02: My favorite place to do school is the beach.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because I love the beach.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: Because the beach is really good for the nervous system.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: The waves, the sensory inputs.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's relaxing.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: I love the beach.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: I like to collect stuff off the beach.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: The kids like the beach.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: They go in, they go out, they like the water.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's good for them.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just very good for them.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's lots you can learn about the beach.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like we've talked about all the different types of birds, the tides, the seashells, and what lives inside of them and why you shouldn't step on those holes because you get water up your back.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because you know those clams be so practical stuff.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, things weird looking things.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: But, anyways, yeah, the practical stuff.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the practical stuff.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, yeah, so like that's like we definitely decided because we had neurodivergent children that we were going to homeschool so we could better access the funds that were available.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_05: Now that's another thing, is with the the access to the services, you don't always have to carry the load tooling and the load and the Yeah.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: So you're able to kind of, if you can find the right fit, that's the hardest part.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: Is finding a fit that works for your kid when it comes to what their needs are, what you're doing.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_02: And like we'd find a place and then it wouldn't work.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: And we'd find a place and that wouldn't work.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so like it's it's pivoting.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: Pivoting.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: If I had to pivoter.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a pivoter in like basketball in all over life.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: I used to be really good at pivoting in basketball.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_02: I did play back in the day.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_04: I'd love to see it.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: 20 years ago.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'll talk about it.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_05: This is what I love about you is that you are seeing your visual person.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_05: Very much.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_05: And so the visual pivot.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_05: The visual pivot for you is what you are doing to cope with everything that you are dealing with and being flexible enough, which is actually very kind of opposite of like the structure, the routine of a neurodivergent brain specifically.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_05: ADHD brings you to that.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: So Which is why I think it's like the odd HD is this one.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's a combo sucker.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: So it's which then it like fights itself.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because like I do like routine, I do like, you know, predictability and I do like rigidity, and I don't like to be flexible all the time.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: But then the other side of me is like, but I have to be flexible.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: I also really like spontaneous stuff.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: You do.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: So like, you know, with like personality quizzes, I'm like, I'm all over the frickin' place.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who I am.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm all of it.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: But all for all of them.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're broken.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah, no, I'm just different.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_05: I almost feel like the autism actually saves the um ADHD from itself sometimes and and vice.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_05: Totally.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_05: Um absolutely.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_05: Like I think it saves itself.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_05: It it kind of well, it if you can find that like balance, which is funny.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know, zodiac-wise, I am a Libra, so it's kind of funny that it's like, oh, look at me and I scales.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like, not that I buy into that.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: I love that though.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's important too.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: And like I've definitely learned to roll with the punches.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Having twins did that to me.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: You have one way to go, two ways to go.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: They talk about it.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: You either go like roll with the punches and don't die, or become so uptight your head explodes, and now you still have twins.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_02: So either way.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: Either way, but you gotta figure it out.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta figure it out, yeah.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I probably became a way more like I'm like that's generally how I try to be, but I might come like that on the surface, and underneath that's I dunk on water.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're like freaking out and tweaking.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like I remember I had to go.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen you tweak.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_04: I tweak, I tweak with you, come on.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_04: It's all good, it's all good.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's it's okay, but it's so funny.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna go do something.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: I hate entering into new social settings if I don't know anyone.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: I had to go meet Tyson up in a Naimo for Canada Day or something.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: It yeah, it might have been Canada Day.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, anyways, because it was ship his ship was up there.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't really know where I was parking.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know anyone on the boat, and I other than him, but he's the captain at the time.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, like you're not gonna have time to talk to me.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, am I gonna hang out with?
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: And all of this is underneath the surface of panicking, like super internalized.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: And my daughter looks at me, she's like, You're anxious right now?
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I can't tell.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: Girl, that's because I've had practice hiding it masked ever.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like, Matt, yeah, because you kind of have to be.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, shouldn't say you have to be, but I grew up having to be.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, having to be that was your coping.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that coping over time can lead to not so great things because then it becomes too much, it becomes too heavy to carry.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and now you're looking at drowning it out, so to speak.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: Whether that'd be yeah, well, burnout, but then alcoholism is a huge one.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people with ADHD will suffer from that.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: I have.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm almost five years sober now, uh, which is like thank God for my husband.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, I hit a rock bottom point where it was it was ugly, it was really bad.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think you need to quit and I want to quit with you.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, bless.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: And like he does not have a drinking problem.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Guy can have one beer and be fine, but if I have anything near me, I need to drink it.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I have no became your coping, yeah.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I have no brake, I have no brake pedal.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, there's no stopping.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: I can't just have one drink and be happy.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'd well why why would I stop buying more in the fridge?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm gonna drink them all because they all taste good.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_02: So liquid dopamine.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so God bless him.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'll quit with you.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so bless when he was deployed, he had one beer when he was in Korea because the table just ordered.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh and he sent me a picture and I was like, What did you be?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: What are you doing?
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, he's like, I've never touched alcohol ever again.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Thank you.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, kind of lost in my stuff because I mean, we're also far apart, right?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's on the other side of the world in Korea.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm, I think we might have been road tripping at that point across sub somewhere in Canada.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it was just like already, uh, and it was hard.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: It was hard.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's still hard today.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I want to talk about this.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_05: Let's unpack this because what's very unique about your situation, yes, the homeschool, yes, the neurodivergence, but now we are talking about solo parenting, a distance relationship with the one you love, who it has grounded you in so many ways.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_05: You've grounded each other, and especially years.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's your anchor.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_05: Unintended.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_05: But the fact that you have to be physically away from him for a good reason.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_05: For a good reason.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_05: Take me through that.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_05: How is that with you emotionally or the mental load of that?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's definitely hard.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: We share a fair amount of the mental load when we're together.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, he's really good.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's the the the horrible question.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what's for dinner?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't know.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: But so when I'm on my own, I'm like, well, I guess I get to just decide.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_05: Do you like that?
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_05: No, not really.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_05: But yes.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_05: But then it doesn't have to be some epic dinner.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_05: Like, you're okay with giving a little bit of breakfast for the for the breakfast dinner's my favorite.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: Thank God for boxed waffles.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: Are you kidding me?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's what they're made for.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you guys want for dinner?
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: Breakfast?
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do it.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_04: Next, we're gonna do cereal.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, no shade on that because I don't have to be very shade.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_05: But when you have Tyson home, does that change?
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_05: Is that shift?
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, totally shift.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because then, well, no, because well, we still do because we're tired.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, because we're tired.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, like, it's more of communication.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like now we're we're sharing that.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_02: What do you want for dinner?
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta feel like this.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, let's make that.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, he'll carry the majority of the meal all the way through.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, especially because right now he's off because in two weeks he's going to Toronto.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_02: He's gonna be posted for 10 months.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: So pray for me because I'm gonna lose it.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna try not to lose.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm gonna hold your hand.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_02: Hold my hand, wipe my tears because I'm gonna need all of it.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's gonna be rough.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's your longest.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: It will be our longest.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be home.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_02: He leaves the 16th.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be home around Thanksgiving.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be home for a week around Remembrance Day.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be home most of December, some of January.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Then he's not back again until March.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think in May, and then he graduates in June.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it's almost eight months.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: This is for learning.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is a master's.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so the staff college.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_02: So he's in Toronto going to school.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: Congratulations.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's kind of amazing.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's huge.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Good for him, right?
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, but I mean, good for you, can you just do it at home?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, congratulations.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: Can you just though here?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Could Toronto just be here?
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't want to move our kids because, like, you know, a 10 months is not long enough.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: We have a really good team.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we have an OT we love.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: We have an SLP we love.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: We have a BI that we work with.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: We have a play therapist.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we have our team.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so they fit.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, like it's taken us years, but I really feel like we have found the pieces.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, okay, so this is our team.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: This is who's working with everybody.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: We don't want to shift that.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_05: Can I ask you a question?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_05: Just because there are a lot of military families, Navy families here in Victoria.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: Big time.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_05: So typically when they do up and leave, that is that is the reason they have longer deployments or they have longer, you know, well, they get posted.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_05: They get posted is what they're called.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: So he's technically posted, but it's IRL, I think it's called.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: But so it's like learning distance or whatever.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: So when the family stays here and the military member gets posted out.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: So because it's only 10 months, I mean you can Is that called only 10 months?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_05: Like I know some families who've left and then back.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like some people do IRL and they're they're gone for two years.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like I know somebody that's in the military and he went to Australia and left his family here.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's a big Well it's not though.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, when I look at like when Tyson deployed for six months, which was the longest, um, like Jacob was only two, almost three.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: So that was like the majority, that was a big chunk of his life at that point.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_05: Well, it's long for for us to like for your being apart, but it went to the body.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_05: But for like a little guy, it's short to bring like it's short as in to relocate your family.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_05: It's not working.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_05: Two years is short, six months is shorter.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_05: So you generally just have to live apart.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: You do, you do have to live apart.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: And like technology has definitely helped.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like when we were first dating, my gosh, was that 2012?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: I would think was the first time he deployed.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so we had been together for about four months.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, goodness.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then he deployed for four months.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: And in that four months, I had gotten really sick.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: I was actually diagnosed with Graves' disease, so that's a hyperthyroidism auto autoimmune disease.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was sick.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: I had to move back into my parents' house, which was like the pride swallow of my life.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, ever, I'm never going back.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's like because I don't love my parents.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's because like my space.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: I pride myself on not needing help if I don't need it.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: Which could be a bad thing when you do need help and you're not going to be able to do it.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: But you're a young adult still.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they just isn't.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_04: You were like craving this moment.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_02: And also, like, I just didn't want to need it.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like I wanted to do it on my own.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, it wasn't the case.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: We were away for four months, and in that four-month deployment, this is 2012.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: Ew, that's like 13 years ago.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_04: Don't remind me.
• 35:56
  unknown: Ooh.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't want to bring that up.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_04: Don't do the math.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_04: Don't do the math.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_04: The baby's like, oh my gosh, I feel so old.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_02: So like technology wasn't the same.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like now there's Wi-Fi on all the ships.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: We have WhatsApp.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_02: We can send photos.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: We can do videos.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: We can do video chat.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_02: But back then it was emails.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: And like, so like you're trying to like more she and not see all the time.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_02: Communication through words is very minimal for what we actually communicate.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: Communication is layers of verbal inflections in the voice, body language, facial expressions, micro expressions.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: All of that is communication.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: So like you can read a text message, and depending on how people use punctuation, sometimes I think people are mad at me if they use a period.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_05: So we're going back to like how you have these pieces of communication with Tyson.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_05: It was very challenging in the beginning.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: But now yeah, so now it's gotten better.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_02: And like with him going to Toronto, it's a lot better than a ship because then like he is in the same place.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's in Canada.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: He's got internet.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: We've already said, like, we should set up a time in the week that it's like this is the time we call dad.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: Everyone have a chance to talk to him.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was talking to him, I was like, how are we going to stay connected with the kids?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's easy for me because I could text them all day long.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_02: I could talk on my phone.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: They don't have that.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: And kids don't love going on.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: No, they're not really great on screen.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: You know what they do, they just play filters.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: But to do that, they can do that.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: Sure, make it a lot of things.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: It could be a giraffe on the you know, if I asked.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: Vomiting rainbows, whatever you want.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: So as long as you're talking and communicating.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_02: But like that will be connections.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: And like I've talked about, you know, hey, want to slide some homeschooling in there.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: Be pen pals and write letters and send packages because then they can practice their penmanship.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's where you're not like learning.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_02: You're learning the ABCs in the workbook that you hate so much and you won't do because I asked you to do it because you're PDA and this is my life.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: Please just write a letter and it'll be fine.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe we can do that.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like let's share things.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I've read books.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: There's a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: Classic book, but he has a military version.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: And it's really good because it talks about the five love languages: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't remember the fifth one because I obviously don't have that one.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't remember it.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, so he goes through and like how do you, you know, have physical touch when you're worlds apart from each other.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of connection to like memory and scent to get them to have a t-shirt that smells like them.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_02: Do you do that?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: Do you do that?
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: I think just naturally I take Tyson's clothes all the time because they're just more comfy.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: Generally, that's like sometimes that's that is what I'll do.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a great idea.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's actually so yeah, and I think it helps different things like that.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: And it's but it's hard.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: By the time like he's gone for a long time and comes back, I'm like, I just need a hug.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like, just give me a hug.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'll tell me.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_04: Tell me this reunion.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_04: How does this go for the kids?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, it's a it's an adjustment for the kids because again, yeah, for the kids, it tends to get snubbed a little bit, depending on how communications have been and how the kids have been, yeah, like prior to leaving, how long he's been gone.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it takes a while.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think it's really hard for our daughter to reconnect because again, she's also 13, almost 14.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: So naturally, she's trying to break away from us anyway, because that's a natural progression of teenagers, which is horrific.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's different for that.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_02: We try to make sure that you gotta do daddy-daughter dates, take time out.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: Just the other day, Jacob really wanted to do a harbor taxi tour because you could take the little harbor taxi.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was like, Tyson, take him on it.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: I take him everywhere.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: He'll he'll he literally is glued to me.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_02: He doesn't want me to go anywhere without him, little Jacob.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, that's fine.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, I also would like you to be glued to your father a little more, right?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because it'd be good for their their relationship because like he's so young.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: Really, Tyson's been in and out almost for the last five years.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: So the majority of Jacob's life, because Jacob's in 2019, September baby.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the COVID thing.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: And then everybody was kind of locked and loaded for about he was home, right?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_02: He was home for that.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you thank God.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because they were ships that are just like hanging out in the inner car.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: I would have lost my mind.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: I would have lost it with you.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's just so sad.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it would, and it was horrible.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: And like, I mean, hindsight, now we know maybe that wasn't the best plan, but well, it's fine.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: We're here, we're here now.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_06: We're here.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but then so like it was really good for them to have that time together.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: He'll take Tegan out on ramen dates, dinner dates, and whatnot.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_02: Find things that the kids like to do separately, separately.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_02: Always one-on-one.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because like with four kids, that's hard.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's like money, yeah, but also like time.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: They'll play video games together, like the twins and him.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, they have a whole Minecraft world that they've built, and the little houses are all connected through secret tunnels.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: Everything looks like blocks to me.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: This is boring.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_05: I'm surprised you're not a gamer.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know why I why?
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_04: Because I binge game.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: I will.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you have oh yes.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, you're not like ignorant like me.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_04: I know never.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: No, like oh well, I like the Lego games.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_02: I love games.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, those are fun.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: I was doing Luigi's Mansion, number three, because that one's really good.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_02: I also like cuss like a trucker when I'm playing because the stupid remote.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's the remote's fault.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's not me.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_05: Let's let's take this moment to congratulate Catherine for keeping her curses to a very to a minimum.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_05: Not even a minimum, it's like zero.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_04: This is a big deal.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_04: This is a big deal.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_04: It is a big deal.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm very moments.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_04: But it started with your gaming.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's just getting too big.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if you open that box, now we're screwed, right?
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I would game, but I definitely have like that binge mentality.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like if I'm video gaming, I will keep playing until my eyeballs are square and I can't see straight anymore.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's four in the morning.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: I should pretend.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_02: I should stop.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like that with TV.
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_02: And this is why my husband's really good because he's the anchor.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_02: We were just watching The Chosen, the season five.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: He stopped it right before the last episode.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, how do you do that?
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: How do you how do you not think about it?
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: You just you just I was kind of like irritated because I'm like, why don't you just watch it?
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, it's 11:30 at night.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's a 40-minute show.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: Do the math.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: We'll be up till midnight.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's midnight.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: We'll be up till one watching TV.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: We have kids.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_02: Put the pieces together, lady.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: I guess so.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, see, he's the logical one.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_02: Practical.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: He's very practical.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_05: He's very practical.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so let me ask you a question because there could be, to some degree, a free-for-all when you are alone with your kids and I know it's true.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you're accurate.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, because that's uh with me with nine to five.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_05: There's a lot of a madhouse in around half an hour before I have to pick up my guy.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_05: Things change.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_05: That's when I get like, oh, I better start cleaning.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, no, the trick.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's been three days that we're scared.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_05: But let me ask you when he comes back, the typical thing is reunion, happy.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_05: Everyone's, you know, there is an adjustment.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_05: Let's go back to that adjustment because it's sometimes a negative adjustment in a way, a difficult adjustment.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_05: It is for sure.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: As far as well, for both of us too.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because like now, it's different.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like if he's been on a ship, an adjustment from a deployment.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_02: I remember it was rough after the six-month deployment because it was just like it's a really long time apart.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: He came home right before Christmas.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: So then, like, I was like, Well, he'd thank God did most of the Christmas shopping, so I can't go for anything.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: And Japan, which we were all that was great.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: Bring me with you.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yes, you're doing Christmas shopping this year overseas because we'll have way cooler stuff, which is great.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: It is an adjustment, and it's hard to not hold resentment because they've missed things, which sounds really like kind of hard.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_02: Where I can't hold it against you that you've gone for your job.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's and I can't carry that resentment and allow the kids to be impacted by it.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_02: And that's something like in a early in our marriage.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, I was pissed, I was spiteful, I was not very immature.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, we're like almost 11 years married now.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: I figured some things out.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_04: Figured some stuff out.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_04: Figured some stuff out, a few more kids in.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, exactly.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so now it's a little bit better.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: From a deployment, it's really hard.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: His whole world is in that ship.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, his whole rhythm is in that ship.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: Everything is in that ship.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: And it's structured depending on where he is in his ranking and where each deployment's different because you progress in your positions or whatever.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know all the terminology or acronyms, so don't ask me.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, mmm, they speak another language.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I won't.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's wild.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so that part is tough.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_02: Only gone like a week or two or a month and a bit.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: Then it's a lot easier.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: There's a few days of adjustment.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember because he was just the captain of the Nanaimo, which was a smaller boat.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: Ship, not a boat.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: He had just done Portland Rosefest.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because he's the captain, they get a lot of receptions.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: So they bring like people on board, and it's a lot of like schmoozing.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Smooging?
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: I can't even say that word.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bit of like a bit of like publicity.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like positive publicity.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: For the military, which is great.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well deserved.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: And he was only back for like four or five days.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Matt, you're not doing anything.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: He didn't really tell me to the end.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just so tired.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I'm just so tired.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: The receptions are a lot because they got to drive up the river.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, there's a lot of stress involved.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: I just didn't understand it.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: He sadly he didn't really communicate it to me because I was like, we're supposed to have a date night and we're doing this.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I was all mad, you know, throwing a hissy fit.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: A little hissy fit.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: A little a little bit of a temperatant.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_02: After he'd come back, I met up with him in Nanaimo, internally like freaking out on the inside.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_02: But I made it to Nanaimo and had a great time.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm pretty impressed.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: Even though I was like very impressed.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_02: Poop in my boots because I was not wanting to go into a social situation and not know anyone.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, Tyson, meet me at the parking lot.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know where I am.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: And he did, and it was good.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_02: And he walked me in, and I was like, okay, now I can handle it.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_02: I need my support person.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_02: And he's your support.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: But then I experienced what that reception would have been like a smaller scale.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's like in Nanaimo.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: He was on the Nanaimo ship in the city of Nanaimo.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: And that was the last time that ship was going to be up there because now she's going over to the East Coast.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_05: She is the ship.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: She is the ship.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: The Nanaimo.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so it was the final celebration for the ship in their their like namesake city.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, which is kind of beautiful on Canada Day.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was a lot going on.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so it like it, there's a lot happening at the reception.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of stimulation.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, a lot of stimulation.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm glad that I've experienced this with you because now I know what this feels like.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_02: Now I have way more understanding, compassion to understand like what that was that you went through and why when you came back from Portland, you were like a couch potato.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't just because you wanted to be there.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm sure you wanted to spend time with us, but you literally were just needing to reset.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_02: You just needed your nervous system to be like, I need to rest.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_02: I need to sleep.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: I need to come back.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_02: It is an adjustment period.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: And it's an adjustment period when he leaves.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: I give myself one day to cry.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_02: So usually it's the first day because it's always a freaking Monday.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody likes Monday.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: Manic Mondays, sad Mondays, whatever you want to call them.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Blue Mondays.
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_05: That's why there's songs about Mondays.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: If not, then like it just kind of follows me through.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want it.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want that.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want all the sadness following me around.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_02: I want to like pour it out into a sack and bury it under my bed and all of that.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_05: You allow yourself to cry and get it out.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta process it, right?
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: You do.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so, and that's kind of what I do.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, whether it's I'll watch P.S.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love you and cry about Gerard Butler dying, so it's like the best cry movie, and like a tub of ice cream and just be like, I'm alone.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_02: Make me cry.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then, okay, I could put my big girl pants on and I could do this.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: I started as a single mother.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: I had my daughter at 22, almost 23.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then Tyson kind of came into the picture when she was six, seven months old.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_02: Tyson and I have a history.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like we dated as teenagers.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was his first girlfriend, first kiss, and they dumped me over the phone and I hated him for 10 years.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and it was rough.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_05: I forgot.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't know this.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_05: This gets anyways.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: You'll see.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so when Teen was like six, seven months old, like we're part of a mission group that did uh windmills in Tanzania.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's how I met him, was actually through this mission group.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: Nice.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then they had like an alumni dinner because it was like a 10-year anniversary from the first trip that went.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_02: So he went three, I think, to Tanzania.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: And he went with my older sister, my brother, and my mom.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_02: So he'd been to Tanzania like with my family, like that's how I knew him.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then I went in 2007, which is like crazy.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was so long ago now.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_06: Wow.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so, which was mind-blowing.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_02: I could talk about that all day.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_02: I love mission work.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, and so we came back.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: This is like the anniversary dinner, it was 2012.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_02: So the first dinner would have been whatever.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: Don't get it.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_02: Go for it, man.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_02: Go for it.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, and so we kind of reconnected at that dinner.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then so I had been a single parent for pretty much the first year of Tegan's life.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: That was preparation for being a military wife.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because I honestly think that like a solo parent.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, because I have friends that are like, I don't know how you do it.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_02: I would die without my husband.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I need him.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, well, not that I don't need mine, like I do, but I also can't need him the same way that you need yours.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_02: Because that is just not our life.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_02: I have to put big girl panties on, even when I really don't want to, and I want to cry on the couch all day, which I do.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_05: Which you allow yourself.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_05: I have to.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_05: But you put a little bit of an expiration on that for like two.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, I'd hang out there all day and for like weeks, and you just can't do that.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, you kind of have to give yourself a space to do that.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I find that helps.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then I kind of move on.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, it's definitely there's moments.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: And there's moments still where a sadness will always creep in, you know, as we pass birthdays or anniversaries.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like this year in particular, he's not home for anyone's birthday.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, not a single one.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_02: And for Tegan, like she's had, I think, four or five birthdays missed without him.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: Jacob, too.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_02: He'll be home for anniversary because we got married on Thanksgiving weekend.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, nice.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that's conveniently located.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's why you get married on a long weekend.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: Good job.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, that's about it.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_02: And he'll be here for Christmas.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_02: He'll miss everything else.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_02: And like he's missed his own birthday at home forever.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, we've had to, you know, delay celebrating things like that or celebrate via online, or you know, it's beautiful though, like every year, whether he's home or not, he always sends Tegan like flowers.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's so cute and like little presents and stuff.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, he does his best, you know, and like thank God for technology.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like, there's elements of it that I'm like, no, thanks.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_02: There's so much that can be gleamed as a good thing.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_02: FaceTime, for example.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you can't see somebody for 10 months because they're not physically in the same location, but you can still see them now because we have this crazy technology.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_02: We do.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_02: I remember as a kid being like, we should have TV phones, that'd be so cool.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_02: You should have just brought the table, white and chicks.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: What six-year-old Catherine could be rich.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_02: Who knew would be a thing?
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_02: I did, apparently.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_02: You did, but I wasn't Steve Jobson.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_05: But see, that's and that's where I want to kind of go back to the fact that you've learned how to cope, you're leaning on technology, you're embracing all the emotions that go into so you are really helping the mental load of having to deal with everything that you're doing.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_05: But there is one thing you did not mention at one time, and I'm surprised because I thought this is Oh my art.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, my mental health project.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_05: I want to hear about this because I think this is probably your we've been talking about the family uh protecting kids.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_02: This is me though.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_05: Now let's talk about you.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: This is me, and so it's funny.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was thinking about this, and I've always, always been an artist.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_02: Born from the womb with a paintbrush, okay?
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like literally, not really, but literally.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_06: I can see it.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: I remember I have this poem I wrote.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_02: I've been like fluffing this thing underneath me because I broke my fidget.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_02: So your carpet thing is fidgeting, but then it's fluffy.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's okay.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_04: It'll be all over the chains.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_04: We're okay.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_04: It's all good.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: We'll just be fluffy when I leave.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, I wrote this poem and it's like an acronym of my name.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_02: Catherine.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_02: K is for Catherine.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_02: A artist is what I like to be.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sixth, right?
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like that identity has always been rooted in.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: It has.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've always been a drawer.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_02: I've always, I literally have a picture.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's super cute.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_02: It hangs in my underneath the stairs studio space because that's the only cabinet I have that holds all 800 hobbies that I have.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a picture of me sitting on my under my bunk bed.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like maybe eight drawing pictures.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_05: You drawing pictures.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_05: So the one is of you.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I should see if I can.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'll send it to you.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'd like to.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_02: I send it to you.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's really cute.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: My mom had like done like a cross-stitched bunny on my like denim jacket.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_02: So 90s.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_02: So adorable.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, so it's always been me.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_02: I went to art college.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and then I was two or three years into the program.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_02: Then I got pregnant with my daughter.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I switched my major to motherhood.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_02: Art kind of got like suppressed, right?
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because motherhood came into the forefront.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: And as a single parent, I didn't have time.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was at a turning point in the road.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_02: If I already knew where I was gonna go, I mean, a baby's a baby, right?
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_02: But with a massive sacrifice because I then had to, you know, box the career path.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna raise this child.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_02: Tyson wasn't in the picture at this point.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, it's me and this baby against the world.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_02: Come at me.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna mess you up.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm like, I'm gonna, yeah, that was really hard.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: It was really hard not to do that.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so and it was just like, so I already knew it came with a massive sacrifice because I had to drop out of school.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm an art school dropout, but still an artist.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: You don't need to go to college to be an artist, just FYI.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of great self-taught ones out there, right?
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so, but yeah, so that shifted.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then, well, Tyson and I got together.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_02: We joined Amway.
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_02: Mmm, so like MLM.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: So again, there's some benefits to that because that actually kind of like some of the things I learned through some of the books I read helped me kind of launch my art business.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_02: But some of it was not so great.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on, put your dreams on the back burner while you're working your butt off to try to like build this thing, this crazy thing.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_02: Can't be an artist right now.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: Can't be an artist right now.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_02: You just can't be an artist right now.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I kept pushing it.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_02: And it got to the point, like after the twins were born, I remember Tegan had like the little kitty art easels.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_02: And like nasty, horrible finger paint.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I could not sleep one day.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_02: I had baby twins and I had a daughter that was four and a half, five-ish.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta paint.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_02: I can't sleep.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_02: Not paint.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_02: I can't not paint.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: And like my because it's almost like my brain gets like stuck.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_02: Picture it as like gears that are like need lubrication.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-mm.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm stuck here.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so I literally I got up, like, I just needed to let it out.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_02: It has to come out.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_02: It has to come out.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_05: And it did.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: And it did.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of that like tucked back away.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_02: And then I got pregnant with Jacob.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_02: After I had twins, like I've dealt with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety through all of my pregnancies.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't know what it was with Tegan.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_02: I also had graves at this point and didn't know it.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_02: So like palpitations of the heart was just part of the deal.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_02: Hyperthyroid just like revs the whole system up.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_02: But even with the twins, Oliver was so sick in the beginning.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: We were in and out of hospital for the first six months between like breathing complications and not getting enough weight.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_02: And poor Henry, God bless that child.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's just the little side twin that had to live with us because I was nursing them.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_02: So his brother was sick, he was fine, but he had to stay with me because I'm the food source, right?
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh goodness.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_02: And so he's such a trooper that boy.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_02: Such a trooper.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_02: Love him.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_02: I love him all.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_02: But like a special place for him.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: So like it was it was kind of rough.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_02: I was kind of going through things.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_02: So like I had a friend that was like, you know what?
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you two things.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: I was like bad, bad depression, really, really bad, bad anxiety.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, I'm gonna tell you.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: Pick up the one best-selling book in the world, the Bible, read this chapter, read this book out of it, and exercise.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because you need the endorphins, need your mind, and you need the truth.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so those two things, and I was like, okay, and I did.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_02: I had six pack, okay.
• 54:11
  SPEAKER_02: It was great.
• 54:12
  SPEAKER_02: Dang, like working out like all the time, and like had such a good routine, and I was great.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yes.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then I got pregnant and I was like, no, Tyson.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, What?
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you know, and then he sailed.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's what happens.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's so funny.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: Every time somebody comes home from a deployment, I'm like, Are you pregnant yet?
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: Every time someone goes to see, are you pregnant yet?
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's like, that's what happens.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of what happens.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's totally what happens.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so, so then Jacob became really hard.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't ready for it.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't expecting it.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_02: You can't not not expect it, you know.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: There's always like, no, like I just got my body back and I just finally started to feel human again.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because like mentally, the gap between the twins and Jacob is three and a half years.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_02: So I was probably pregnant and when they were about like two and a half.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, so the hormones had finally shifted back.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: Your body is kind of like your own.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_02: I only nursed them for like 11 months, which was plenty long for twins.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_02: Jacob shows up and I was mentally not okay.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: I had now prenatal depression.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_02: I couldn't get out of bed.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: My husband was in and out with his job, and he's like, You need to do something.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_02: You are falling apart.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: You have kids at home, like you can't fall apart right now.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so, oh man, I'm crying.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_04: What'd you do?
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_04: Why wouldn't you cry?
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_04: Anyways, this is a pivotal moment.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was, yeah, it was really pivotal.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so, oh, I was not expecting that.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_06: No, you feel me.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_06: And so, I feel you.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, anyways, so he's like, You you're an artist, like paint.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like, just paint.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: I remember, like, I went to art college and like did not paint anything that looked like anything.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm an abstract artist.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna paint anything that's human-like.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_02: My favorite type of painting, it's PG.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_02: I just paint my body.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love it.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, come on.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_04: I love that self-explanatory.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, so I went from like that.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_02: And now, like, if you look at my art now, it's all like relatively realistic sea life.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_02: So it's kind of funny how I went from like naked body painting to fish.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a lot of progress in between.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it's nature.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, same, same theme.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_02: But then it's like those gears in my brain finally were like, oh, here we go.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_02: There has to be an outlet for anyone that's struggling with mental health.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_02: Please, whatever that outlet is, find it.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: Whether it's dance or music or running or punching things or smashing things, whatever it is.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm not very creative.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, then be destructive.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because yeah, because you can be creative in destruction.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you can.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_02: I had someone that's like, oh, I'm just not in the place where I can paint or create.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, so go break stuff.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who cares?
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like that'll create art.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: That will create art.
• 56:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, people will make art out of anything.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Trust me.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: Trust me, I've been art college.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen tampons in things you don't think you should see tampons in.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, what is that?
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: Art.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: Art.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they called it art.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, turned a urinal upside down.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: Call it art.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks to shop for that one.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: So that was kind of the pivotal moment of I have to go back to this.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so, and I did.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: And like it was very much like I didn't want to paint things.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_02: I just needed to like like barf it out.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_02: Just barf it out.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: And it and it did.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_02: And then it became like a rhythm.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then I found, I mean, it's not hard to find inspiration around here.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like everything is beautiful on the island.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like everything, whether it's the bees and the flowers or the the waves hitting the rocks and making that little tinkly noise as it recedes.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: I love that sound.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, huh?
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I love that.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_05: You're you're you're getting all the senses of what you love, which is nature.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_05: And then you put it into your art.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_05: And what a gift.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_05: That's where you homeschool.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_05: That's where you feel peace.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_05: That's where you get your exactly.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_05: So you just found your sweet spot right there.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's a niche for sure.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a good spot.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: And like I find that like when I can get out of my own head and dump everything out, then I'm not dumping anywhere else.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's the other thing.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I haven't had a chance to unload, yeah.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_02: Then my kids catch it.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then the how fair is that to them?
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot to dump, right?
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_02: Because I have my own childhood stuff.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_02: I have solo parenting.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_02: I have not trying to resent my husband for leaving, understanding what that feels like.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_02: Parenting neurodivergent kids.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_02: Anyone that does it knows it's not a cakewalk.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a cake walk.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's you're in the trenches.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like you are in the trenches, probably getting gangrene on your toes.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like rough.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_02: And there's moments, there's beautiful moments.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_02: And there's moments that things shine, but my lord, is it ever that's why you need to make sure that you need allowant some self-love there.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, absolutely.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_05: Now, let me ask you a one question that probably deserves one poignant answer.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_05: But I'm sure you have many.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_05: But let's talk about this.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_05: If you had to bottle one motherhood moment that sums up your life and your outlets, I'm giving you a little hint.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry, I shouldn't.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_05: The chaos and your family life, what would that be?
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_05: That moment.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think that moment would be back in February, I just did an art exhibit.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_02: It was my first one with one other artist.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so, which is why now I'm dealing with like a wrist injury for like the last few ever months.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you put it.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because I was like, I'm gonna paint 38 paintings in four weeks, watch me do it.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_02: And you did it.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I did.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it was epic.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it was really kind of beautiful because while I was working on these pieces, I had my little Jacob, who's five, oh, I'm gonna paint too.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_02: I want to paint too.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I brought his painting, so I'll show you.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_05: I want to see it.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: Anyways, so we were we were painting, and well, the art exhibit was up in February up in Duncan in the Cowichan Valley Art Council gallery.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_02: And it was awesome.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was really amazing.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_02: A to be able to stand back.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: I dropped out art college.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_02: I raised kids.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_02: I sold a parent.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of stopped your dreams and then.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I applaud everything.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now I can stand back.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_02: My friend I did the show with Cole.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh, she's a dream.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_02: She's a wonderful human.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_02: It was just so beautiful.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because we worked like separately.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like we never actually worked at the same time in the same space.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_02: But our work was so cohesive.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, awesome with each other.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_02: So good.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: And it was really great.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so one thing I wanted to make sure I put into the show, and it was the first painting you saw was Jacob's Hermit Crab.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, no, I'm gonna go.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, this way.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_04: There we go.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so you could see he did the little hermit crab and the show.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_02: I helped him with like the background.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: But then like it was so I have a picture of him like standing below it being like, look at me.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: If it wasn't for the struggled, the hard pregnancy that I had, I don't know if I ever would have found that again.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_02: Because at that point it wasn't looking at art.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to the gym and I'm gonna do this.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it was almost like you know, a little godwink to kind of like get back into it.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: And then it was beautiful to have it come full circle.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_05: It really was.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_05: This is your last child.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_05: So you're the youngest.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_05: And so when you went to this moment in your life which it was your first art show, that is already a moment in itself.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_05: But to have it just high like a beautiful little bow.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like a little bow, like a little jaky bow.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_01: Little jaky bow.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_02: And that bow is it just he's the catalyst, right?
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_02: He's the catalyst to the flame.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's kind of beautiful that he could be part of the show.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't tell him to paint a hermit crab, he just did it on his own.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's beautiful because he loves hermit crabs.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_02: Ugh, my heart.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because it was it was so good, it was so pure.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you have to have a place of honor at the front of the show.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_02: So the first painting on the wall is Jacobs.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then so special.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_02: He did, and like what a cool thing to experience as a five-year-old.
• 1:01:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I hope you become the next Picasso, but not Picasso, just Jacobs.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_05: It's just like not Picasso, but Picasso.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_05: But bringing him into your world is also the gift in itself, too.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_05: And do your kids see your art love because you have it displayed like on the ground as you're working.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and all over the house.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_02: You're not afraid.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_02: Someone buy it all.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: At last for sea out, please buy them.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_05: I love that.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, so you have these beautiful children you have to get back to.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm gonna do this wonderful thing called a fast round, which is spill the thes.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_05: You have to tell me the first thing that pops into your head.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_05: Are you ready?
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_05: All right, right.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_05: One word to describe your parenting style right now.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_05: Lax.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_05: Relax.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_05: Lax.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_05: Lax.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, lax.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_04: Just lax.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_04: A little too laid back sometimes.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, let's go.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_05: No, it doesn't have to be too lax.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_05: It's it's la it really just is lax.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_05: I can embrace that.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_05: One thing you secretly let slide at home.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_02: Uh chores.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_02: Of course.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_02: Problem personal hygiene.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_05: I don't shower if my husband's not right.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's it.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_05: Biggest pet.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_05: Well, hey, he's not here.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_05: Biggest pet peeve.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_05: You can you can just let go of it.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, people breathing beside me.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, like sleeping.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like sleeping.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_04: So sleeping swearing oh.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't like, I don't want to hear you breathing.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_04: But you know, you're okay because you're not sleeping beside me.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not sleeping beside you.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_04: That's a whole other show.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_05: Parenting hack, you swear by.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_05: Parenting hack, I swear by.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's a hard one.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_05: I don't have a parenting hack.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, what are some of your go-tos that are quick?
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like, how do you trick the system?
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_05: You got a couple tricks up your sleeve.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_02: You have a couple tricks up your sleeve.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, my calendar is a trick up my sleeve.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's a tool.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's a key tool.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_02: A calendar from Costco, those big giant like mom planner ones.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then everyone has a color.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: Colors.
• 1:03:22
  SPEAKER_02: I have kids everywhere.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_02: So everyone's like Tegan's purple, Henry's blue, Oliver's green, Jacob's yellow, I'm pink, Tyson's orange.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then that was a yeah.
• 1:03:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_02: But then it's like I can look at that calendar and be like, you're here, you're here, you're here, you're here.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_02: Rather than like, if it was all the same thing, I'd be like, it wouldn't work.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_05: It'd be too much.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_05: That's a good one.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_05: If you were stranded on a non-Victoria island, so just an island with just the kids, and let's throw Tyson in there just for fun.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_05: He's back from the deployment.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_05: What's the one thing that's in your just-in-case bag?
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_05: One.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna say drinks, but I don't drink.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_04: Water?
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, water.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_04: No, you're gonna be surrounded by water, so you don't need water.
• 1:04:04
  SPEAKER_04: Well, islands usually in the ocean.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, we're not going to an island in a lake.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_05: Gross.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_05: We're getting really technical.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_05: Details.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_05: We're lost in the details.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_05: Drinkable water around you.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_05: What else would you have in your just-in-case bag?
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_05: Art supplies.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_05: Art supplies.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, I like that.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because I like going to the beach to paint.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_05: I like that.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_05: So fill your okay, I like that.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_05: All right, scenario.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_05: Are you ready?
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_05: You get some multiple choice because we know ADHDers like multiple choice.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_05: You've got a blank canvas, a full cup of kombucha.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_06: All right.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_05: Or green tea or have you juice.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_05: And 30 child-free minutes.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_05: Do you A, start painting something new or touch up an unfinished piece?
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_05: B just sit in silence and stare at the wall like the sleep-deprived queen that you are.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_05: C, take a nap and relish in those 30 dang minutes.
• 1:04:58
  SPEAKER_05: Child-free.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_02: What I would like.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I would like to choose them all, but the one I would like to choose would be the paint.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_02: But the more likely one to choose is the nap.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_04: So real versus uh desire to paint.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_04: What I would desire is to paint.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_04: Reality else is a nap.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_05: Good for you.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_05: At least you know yourself.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_05: Last scenario.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_05: This is a good one.
• 1:05:18
  SPEAKER_05: Tyson surprises you with a last-minute homecoming after deployment.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_05: But it's exactly the same time as your solo night with your favorite go-to drink, kombucha, green tea, all your stuff, charcuterie, and a fresh paintbrush in hand.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_05: And you've got an art show in two days that you haven't started.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_05: Oh.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_04: What do you got?
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_05: You have to paint.
• 1:05:44
  SPEAKER_02: You have to paint.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I couldn't do the stress and anxiety of not yet.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_02: Even though he saw him, I'd be like, okay, I'll give you 20 minutes.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'll come back to painting.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_05: So first give him a little bit of like paint and pounds, maybe pounds and paint, right?
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_05: We've got little pounds and paint back little paint.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and then take a nap.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_05: I'm guessing naps will come after that.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_02: Always take a nap.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, always take a nap.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_04: When life gives you an opportunity, always take a nap.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, that's a good words of wisdom.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_05: I was just gonna ask you what your wizard wisdom would be.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_05: I love that.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_05: But before we end today, I really would like to take a quick detour.
• 1:06:17
  SPEAKER_05: I think this is really important to do because it's see this season we do focus on the mental load of parenting.
• 1:06:22
  SPEAKER_05: So I will be talking more to like the primary caregiver, the person at home.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_05: And for that, I want to thank you because you're just a wonderful human with so many layers and so many like an onion.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_05: You're pretty onion material.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_05: I'll tell you.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_05: So I do thank you because your strength, your creativity, your inspiration and vulnerability.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_05: It's a gift.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_05: So thank you for that.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_05: But I want to also take this time to honor someone very special.
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_05: Honor him, thank Tyson, who serves and continues to learn how to serve better for all our benefit.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_05: So I want to thank Tyson.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_05: Behind the scenes, he's doing all he can.
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_05: Her husband Tyson is a Navy officer.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, I'm right.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_05: And he's often deployed for months at a time.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_05: And so while he's serving and doing his duty and now learning, it takes all that courage, not just to do that, and that's a big one, but also to leave his beautiful family to serve.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_05: And then we have Catherine who is, you know, holding the Ford at home.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_05: You're parenting solo, you're navigating neurodivergence.
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_05: And you do handle it with grace.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_05: I know you think you don't, but you do.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_05: I get a little help from upstairs.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_05: You get a little help from upstairs.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, bless that, right?
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_05: God bless.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_05: And but you know, you continue to inspire people to find ways through it, to find peace in your faith and in your art.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_05: And I that's such a gift.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_05: So I admire both of you and I want to thank both of you.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_05: I really do.
• 1:07:45
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_05: Appreciate that.
• 1:07:46
  SPEAKER_05: Honor to you guys.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_05: Honor to you guys.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_05: Bless both of you.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_05: Do you have well?
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_05: You just gave your final words of I mean, I could go final words for 20 minutes.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_05: Take it now.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_05: Let's say that.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_05: But how about if you uh just one quick little words of wisdom to take it home for anybody who's in the crux of military spouse ship or being an evil and then harding and having time, like what it's like having a hard time?
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think uh I get I got words.
• 1:08:10
  SPEAKER_02: I got words because somebody gave them to me.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: Everything in life is temporary.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_02: The good and the bad, the hard, the easy, like all of it will pass with time.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, it's hard to see that when you're in the trenches.
• 1:08:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_02: But it's true.
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_02: Tyson's home now.
• 1:08:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know he won't be soon, but I know he'll be back.
• 1:08:27
  SPEAKER_00: Temporary.
• 1:08:27
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's temporary.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_02: And like when you know that moments don't last forever, you cherish the ones that are good.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and you find the light to be able to get through the ones that are not so good.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's important.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_02: That is important.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for that.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_02: And also take a nap.
• 1:08:42
  SPEAKER_02: And take a nap.
• 1:08:43
  SPEAKER_05: When life gives you the window, take a nap.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_05: Take a nap.
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_05: Where can people find you and your wonderful art?
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_02: I am on Instagram.
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:08:51
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes when I show up there at West Island Designs at that's it.
• 1:08:56
  SPEAKER_02: I guess there's no well there.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_02: I have a website.
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_02: So w dot West Island Designs.com.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for it.
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_02: So easy peasy.
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_02: All the same kind of names.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm around.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_02: So we're going to look for Catherine's work and please.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_05: Such a beautiful thing.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_05: Have so many paintings.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:09:13
  SPEAKER_05: And now we know the story behind it.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_05: So I love that.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_05: So anyway, thank you, Miss Catherine.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_05: And to the families who serve in silence, we see you.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_05: We thank you.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_05: And to every person, every caregiver and parent doing it all, either as uh you know, single parent or a solo parent part-time, or both who've experienced both, or the default parent who who feels the weight on their shoulders, holding it all together on their own.
• 1:09:39
  SPEAKER_05: All of you, we salute you, we see you.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, you are not alone.
• 1:09:43
  SPEAKER_05: And I want to just thank all of you for joining us here on Sass and Small Talk, the mental load of parenthood, because it takes a village to raise a child and a community to raise their parent.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_05: See you on the next episode of Sass and Small Talk.
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_05: Bye.