Latest / System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation / Door of Return

Transcript

Door of Return · System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Over:
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: This episode does have a trigger warning for new trauma and mention of difficult content, you can read in the episode description. The new trauma is in relation to our experience in Africa and some difficulties we had coming home. None of what happened is described in detail, but an overview of what we endured while we were there and trying to get home is mentioned in passing. As always, please take good care of yourself while listening and after. Thank you.
• 1:34
  You will hear us talk to our daughter, Mary, who is with us on our trip, and then process further with the husband. Because of so many emails and messages, we want to say that we do appreciate your concerns. We have been to doctors in Africa once we got to the embassy and again at home to be checked out thoroughly both us and Mary. We've also seen a trafficking specialist but Mary first wanted to see our therapist because she already feels safe with her. And so we met with our therapist with Mary as well as an interpreter because we didn't have the right ears to be able to communicate directly.
• 2:20
  And because of our experience without having our cochlear implants on while we were in Africa. These are the things that you'll hear referenced, but we want to assure you that we have filed all the reports. The authorities know what happened, and we are home safe and everything is okay. So you will hear Mary first and then the husband as we talk about it. Because this is a new trauma that is recent and because it involves our daughter, Mary, and because we are actively processing what just happened, we don't plan on sharing any more about it other than what we share in this episode.
• 2:59
  And we would also ask for our own safety and healing and and respect for our own process. That no matter who you are, you don't ask us questions about it or talk about it unless we initiate the conversation and are ready to do so. That's a boundary we've set with all of our family and friends as we adjust to being home and continue our healing. Thank you for listening. So let's talk about Africa.
• 3:33
  Okay. What did we do at the beginning of our trip? We'll talk about the hard things later, but what was good at the beginning of the trip?
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: That we got there safely.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: We got there safely. And what did we do when we got there?
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: We had food and water, and we got to go visit the kids. And
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: We got to see the deaf kids? Yeah. What about the slave ship? Can you talk about the slave ship? What did you see, and what did you learn?
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I learned that the women and the men were separated from each other and that there was this door. If you were inside it, it would say the door of no return. But you walked outside and turned around and say the door of return.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: And you got to return for your people, didn't you? Yeah. That's pretty special. Yeah. You saw where your ancestors were sold.
• 4:35
  Powerful.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah. What did you think about that? I thought that if I was able to walk inside, maybe my ancestors could walk back and die too. Aw.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: What was hard about the trip?
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: No food and water for the next few weeks. And
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: We had some problems, didn't we? Yeah. So we were on doing some we were doing some specific things while we were there. Yeah. But there were some people who were supposed to help us that made bad choices.
• 5:16
  Yeah. And they took us from our group. Yeah. And while they had us, we didn't get food or water. Yeah.
• 5:24
  That was hard.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: What else?
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Being left alone in our room locked up.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: We got locked in a room, and we had to stay for a while. Yeah. What did we do while we were locked in our room? We talked about the positive things. We talked about positive things.
• 5:50
  We made up games with bugs and rocks.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: You saw a giant spider. Do you remember that? Yeah. That was crazy.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: And the man walked in and picked it up with his own hand.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: He did. He just walked in and picked it up, didn't he? Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: And then there was a big lizard caught on a ball wall.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: We saw lizards, a lot of lizards and geckos. Scorpions. It was a pretty scary room, wasn't it? Yes. We had to use a lot of imagination to keep ourselves calm and safe, didn't we?
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: But we did it. Yeah. Give me five. We're strong and brave women. Yeah.
• 6:33
  We just saw the therapist and talked to her about what happened. Yeah. And she said we are strong and brave. Yeah. How did you feel when she told you that?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: I felt like I should be in the Gryffindor house.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Because you're strong and brave, so you're gonna be a Gryffindor?
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Like in Harry Potter? Yeah. I love it. Oh, Do you feel better since talking to the therapist? Yeah.
• 7:03
  What helped?
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: Going to express the bad things and pushing them away.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: So being able to get some things out? Yeah. What has been hard about coming home?
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Sometimes on the trip, I didn't get to spend time with my brothers or sisters.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: So you missed them while we were gone? Mhmm. What's been hard since we've been back? Are you sleeping?
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: I am sleeping fine. It's just it's just it's just dry, and it's hard to get back to water again.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, we were dehydrated? Yeah. So we're still thirsty. We still look for cold water, don't we? Yeah.
• 7:47
  And food too. You are eating like a man, my friend. And apple juice. Everything that can rehydrate us, and we're gonna see the doctor. Mhmm.
• 7:58
  And we've had some
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Green food. Green food. Green food.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, green foods. Yes. That's awesome. Knuckles. And we've had some nightmares.
• 8:12
  Yeah. And been clingy a little bit, meaning we wanna be together like before. Yeah. These were hard things.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: How did we get out
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: of Africa? Who helped us? Kathy. Our interpreter.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: Mhmm. Who else? The security. The police. Yeah.
• 8:31
  And the embassy.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: The embassy. So it was a scary time, but we got home safe, didn't we?
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. And papa and granddad gave us a blessing.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: That helped protect us, didn't it? Yeah. Do you feel better now that we're home?
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: What was your favorite thing about Africa?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Being able to see my tribe.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: You got to meet your people, didn't you? That's pretty special.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: So one thing we talked about with a therapist is how the hard things don't change what is good. Yeah. We get to keep what is good. Yeah. They can't take that from us.
• 9:12
  Yeah. Pretty special.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Don't let the hard thing take over your day. Say it again. Don't let the thing take over your day. There you go.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: What did she teach you about well, let me back up. First, what did you learn about NTIS? NT
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: me now. T means time. I means is and s means safe. So what does that mean now time is safe? It means that now time is safe that we can spend more time together and also love each other, and now time is safe that we're home.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Pretty special. Yeah. Feels better, doesn't it? Yeah. Sometimes we remind each other in TIS.
• 10:06
  Yeah. There you go. What did she teach you at the end of your session before you went back out to the waiting room
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: about bedtime? She taught me that you don't just let the bad things about your day stay there or else you have bad dreams. Push them on. Imagine good things about
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: your day, and then you'll have good dreams. So she talked about how it's okay to talk about the hard things and express your feelings to me and to papa and to
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: others and to our therapist.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: To our therapist, to other safe people.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Grandma and granddad.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Grandma and granddad. So we have lots of people who are supporting us, and it's okay to talk to them. DHH. D DHH. DHS, our friends.
• 10:56
  Yeah. Mhmm. Your caseworkers from before you were adopted, they love you so much. Mhmm. And so it's okay to talk about your feelings with them in those ways, but she said when it's time to play or time to rest or time to relax
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: Push them away.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Push it away and let it go. And when it's time to sleep, to think about all the good pieces of your day. Yeah. And then the next day, when you're ready to talk about it to someone again, then you can come back to it.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: Okay. That's why we watch doctor who in the daytime.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: That's why we watch doctor who in the daytime and not before bed. Right? Yeah. Doctor who is creepy
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: scary. Talking dolls. Leather robots.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I love you so much.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Or people turning into other things.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: It's pretty scary, isn't it? Yeah. That was a good example.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Moving doll houses. Or mine does under the bed.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: That pull you when you're standing up. Doctor Who's pretty traumatizing, isn't it? Yeah. You're awesome. You are brave and you are strong.
• 12:29
  Yeah. Say, I am brave and I am strong.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: I am brave and I am strong.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love you.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: I love you too. Do you wanna go play? Yeah. Have fun. Bye.
• 12:42
  Bye.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: That was awesome. She's so cute. So So we saw the therapist, and we let our daughter talk first and share. And we had an interpreter there to make sure that she could express herself clearly and anyone else and so that she could express herself clearly and the way that we communicated on the trip. Because on the trip, we did not have our cochlear implants that we didn't use them.
• 13:21
  We had an interpreter. And so because that experience sort of happened with that part of ourselves, both for her and then literally with us with different parts inside dealing with everything. To process today, we went ahead and had an interpreter in our session, which was actually super helpful and in ways that we didn't even expect. So that was good, but it's also good now to sort of feel the lifting of that and to be home safely and kind of come full circle with the therapist and back to the husband and be home. I'm glad we are home.
• 14:06
  Me too. The husband. It's, like, capitalized.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: It's like the Walmart.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: The Walmart. I did not get the husband at the Walmart, however, but he does say the Walmart. He also says Pinterest.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: Yes. Because that is the way to say it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: It is Pinterest. Pinterest.
• 14:32
  Speaker 4: I know how syllables work.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Pinterest. He's a crafty fellow.
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: Indeed.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Africa was bad, you guys. I mean, no offense to Africa. We love Africa and even the people in Ghana were amazing. The problem was that our trip kind of got hijacked. Well, literally got hijacked.
• 14:59
  We got kidnapped. I don't wanna, like, just trauma dump here on the podcast, but it was a very difficult time. We were scared we were not going to be able to get home, and, we almost didn't come home. It was pretty scary. But Mary is okay.
• 15:18
  We are okay. Our friend who pretty much saved our lives but also was with us through some very difficult and frightening circumstances, she is home. She's struggling. She got malaria, and so she's also physically struggling in a way that we are okay. We had malaria medication with us the whole time, and so we were able to prevent that.
• 15:43
  But we did not have food or water for almost two weeks and sometimes got a piece of mango to the three of us, or a slice of watermelon to share, but not every day. And it wasn't until we had help from the embassy that we were given rice and chicken at night two times while we were there during the week. So I don't wanna traumatize everybody who's listening, but it was a very frightening trip. It went like, America, you would say it went south, except really we went north. Anyway, the point is we are home safely, and we are grateful.
• 16:24
  And we kind of have a choice, and I talked about this with the therapist. Well, I didn't. Somebody did. But what we said with the therapist was we pretty much understand that we have a choice to either avoid what happened because it was hard and awful and just let that dissociate away and be one more chunk that's just out there floating like an island far, far away, or we have the choice to deal with this while we have support because we have the husband and the family and the therapist, and we are safe. And it did end.
• 16:59
  It was only two weeks, not at all to minimize what we went through, but we are safe. We were able to get ourselves out. And really, there's a lot of power in that that we were able to keep ourselves safe. Even though hard things happened to us, we were able to get out of it. Even though it took some time, we did it.
• 17:21
  Like, we're here. We got ourselves out of it. We kept our daughter safe, and we got back home. And that's huge. It's really huge.
• 17:29
  And so we focus with the therapist on how to apply that to our history as well because the same thing happened in our history. Like, basically in Africa, it feels like we relived our entire childhood in two weeks. And so obviously there were triggers, obviously there's new trauma, but what we can do with that is either stay in the suffering or ignore the suffering or we can use it for good and use it to see how even, like, our whole entire life and the childhood that was difficult and growing up and everything, we were able to get away, and we are safe now. Like, just like that childhood, just like the trip to Africa, like, there's a parallel there. We got out.
• 18:24
  We have a good life now in the present, in now time where it really is safe. We have our family. We have our home. We have the therapist. We have friends.
• 18:35
  We have support. We're not alone. We're not being hurt. When we were in danger, we knew how to get ourselves out of it and we could do something about it. So even though there were circumstances beyond our control, we were not helpless and we did not have to be hopeless and that is a big deal.
• 18:54
  I know it's hot. I'm so sorry.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Not that bad.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Not as bad as Ghana. Do you wanna share can you remember what you said earlier that we wanted to be sure and talk about when we were talking about, like, who dealt with what happened in Ghana and you were talking about the different parts of yourself and
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: Sure. So this is not really specifically about Ghana, but but coming to a better understanding of you and DID has made me think a lot about myself and be more aware of how I also have different parts to my identity and my personality. Right? So, like, there's there's a part of me that's very childlike sometimes. There's a part of me that's very depressed sometimes.
• 19:48
  There's a part of me that's very cheerful and outgoing and active, and I've really noticed more and more how I have these different parts of me and I shift from one to the other that being that not being dissociative in the same way doesn't mean that I'm not shifting around between parts of my personality. It just means that I kind of all of the bits slosh together in a big bowl as opposed to having their own little partitioned areas. But really, like, the me who is depressed feels like a different person in Emuis from the me who's being silly and tickling the kids. Right? So it's it's just been interesting to think about how just life experiences you store everybody stores those life experiences in themselves, in their personalities.
• 20:46
  That is not what is the result of trauma. That's personality. It's the segregation of all of those pieces. The fact that they're not just fluid and how they transition around, that's what happens as a result of trauma.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow. I see. And there's so it really I mean, one thing I really appreciated about that is how it normalizes what we're going through. Because so often, we just feel crazy or one of them always says unwell, like the mother. Like, that's the polite way to say what was wrong with the mother who was crazy is that she was unwell.
• 21:26
  And so we feel unwell. Yeah. But really, it's a very normal thing just to an extreme.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: And it's a reminder that it's a result of what happened to us, not something we've done wrong.
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Which for some reason is really hard to remember.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: And it's not even something wrong with you like it's not your experiences didn't ruin you somehow. Was your mind, your psyche's way of protecting itself by creating boundaries, and the danger was so great that those boundaries had to be completely impermeable in order to seal off the danger. Right?
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Wow. Which means technically that means technically that it's something right with us not something wrong with us.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It's like this is this is such a weird example but I think I've even said this before it's like a blister. Nobody likes having a blister but the blister is actually there as a form of protection it's where some damage has been made and so like liquid fills up in the little partition on your skin to like calm that area and cool it and protect it. It's like your body's natural defense system against whatever that irritation was. Alters are not blisters of course but it's your mind has created these protective barriers in a way that is not necessarily comfortable, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
• 23:24
  It just means your your mind was trying to protect you from something that was dangerous.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: You know what's interesting is that so many times when we were little, we felt like like we were so alone and things were so bad and there was no ending in sight and no way to get help. And I think that's part of what causes more blisters or thicker blisters or worse blisters or infected blisters or whatever. You know? Just using that example, like, that's part of what makes things so complicated internally. But on this trip, like, we've spent these months, these months and months, months and months now.
• 24:06
  See, I'm emphasizing that because it was really so hard. Still is so hard working on that avoidance chapter in the workbook. Mhmm. And so I was so cognizant, and we talked so much while the trip was happening of, like, how can we stay present in this? We have to for Mary.
• 24:28
  And how can we not avoid what's happening now working together as a team in whatever way that takes rather than defaulting to dissociation. Yeah. Whether that means assigning it to one person has to deal with this or whether that means not being aware of who's dealing with it or if that means not being aware that it happened at all or if that means erasing it once we get back. Like, cognizant, very consciously decided we have to deal with this while this is happening. And I'm not saying we did that perfectly, and I'm not saying that that means now it's gonna be easy to just wrap it up real quick in forty five minutes with a therapist.
• 25:10
  But I mean, we don't have to stuff it down or stash it away or hide from it. And part of what made that possible is that we understand so much now about the process and how it works. We understand now about triggers and how some pieces of what was already hard was harder because it reminded us of things from the past. Yeah. But also just like those positive things were also there.
• 25:43
  We knew while those hard things were happening that we were not alone. Mhmm. We had you. We had the therapist. We had friends.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: And we knew we had resources and so we could teach Mary some of the coping skills and things we've been learning even in the in the middle of it happening. Not that it made it okay what happened like what happened was not okay at all.
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: And not that it made dealing with it easy but we knew how to do it.
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: It was scary, it was terrifying, it was an awful horrible situation but we did it.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: And we handled it. And we knew even where to get help that we were not helpless. We had resources. So we figured out how to get in touch with the embassy. We figured out how to tell which were the real police.
• 26:50
  We figured out how to disclose our location so that they could find us. How to do what it took to survive and to protect Mary so that we could get home.
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: And I think that's amazing.
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It is.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: And so even though what happened in Africa ended up being really awful in some ways, the things that were good were still good but bigger than that is what we learned about ourselves from the experience.
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And how we can apply that to what we've already been through in the past and for me that feels huge like it changes everything.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: Can I point out that in the way that all of your system was working together to get something done, a bunch of individuals working together might be called an association?
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, fancy. Okay. So say that again.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: So in the same way all of your system was working together, a bunch of individuals working together to do something they can't do on their own might be called an association.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: An association. So we did the opposite of dissociating. Yes.
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: You associated.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: High five. We are cool. I'm actually really proud of it. Yeah. Absolutely.
• 28:19
  And it's huge. And you know what's come of it is, like, we've spent this whole last year writing in the notebook. Mhmm. We've never actually talked about it in therapy.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Like, not directly. It's introduced people. It's made us aware of some of the issues, but we've not actually, like, sat down together with the therapist to read.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: So she's got, like, a year's worth of notebooks, but it's time, and we told her that today.
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: We told her we're ready. We need to look at it.
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: Relating to that, can I loop back to something you said a while ago?
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Please, I love when you loop it's
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: so hot. I'm very loopy. So you said that when you were younger you felt so alone and so hopeless like there was no end to it. There are parts of you that are still feeling that.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: Oh snap.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: There are parts of you that are still trapped in those awful moments as if they were the present.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: And it is hard to get there because they were sectioned off so that you wouldn't have to deal with those things. Right? Yeah. So the very parts of you that need to be rescued are going to be the hardest to get to but that those parts of you from the past that you have this compassion for now that you can look back on your own life and see how hard it was for you.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: They need you.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Wait what?
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: They need you.
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: Me?
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: Yes you.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Need me for what?
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: To get them out. Because you know that now time is safe but they don't know that yet because for them now time is the past. Until they can pass through those borders that have separated them off they are still trapped in that same experience of suffering and loneliness and hopelessness and that is why therapy is so hard and that is why therapy is so important. Woah. You have have littles to rescue.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: So you mean, like, what I felt like locked in that room without food and water with the men coming in. That's why it felt like when we like reliving that from the past in the present now, there are littles that are still in that.
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: Yes. They're stuck in like a time loop, like a doctor who thing to go back to that. Oh, snorkels. Except you are the doctor.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: I am the doctor?
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: You are the doctor.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Doctor who? That's crazy. I need TARDIS.
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: You should ask your therapist about that.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: That's a lot for me to think about.
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: I hope it's helpful. I'm not actually a registered therapist so
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I don't why is it so scary to do if I feel I feel so powerful after Africa. Like, it was awful and it was scary and I still feel, like, anxious and startled and, like, hyper vigilant about it all, but I'm also, for the first time, really proud of myself because we got out. Yeah. But I don't know how to offer that to them. I don't know how to bridge.
• 32:06
  I'm aware. I'm aware. Finally. Like, I get it. I finally get it.
• 32:11
  That's why this is so huge and so powerful even though it was hard because it connected or clicked that piece into place for me. I get it now why I need to do that, but I don't know how to do that. And I don't know why if it feels so good on this side of it that I did it literally physically, why it's so terrifying to think of trying to do it with them.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: Would you go back to Ghana right now? No. That's why it's terrifying.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: Because you wouldn't go back to those childhood experiences either and for those parts of you that were stuck in those trauma it is a present experience it's not a past experience.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: That's really heavy. Yeah. But also I wouldn't leave Mary there.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: No. And you got her out successfully. But the good thing is you don't have to do it alone. Like, it's possible you don't even have the tools to do it alone. That's why you have a therapist and that's why you have friends to talk to.
• 33:22
  You're not alone this time and you on the outside know that and so for you part of therapy is facing that nightmare of going into the danger zone again, to let those parts of you that are still trapped know that actually they're safe, that they have already gotten out. They just don't know it
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: yet. Oh.
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: And they won't go away. You, all of you is you. Bringing peace to those parts of you doesn't mean that you're getting rid of them or losing parts of yourself. They will always be parts of you but they can be happier parts of you. They can all know that they are safe.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: So leaving them there would be like leaving Mary and Ghana?
• 34:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Which is absolutely not okay. Right. Ugh. I was feeling so powerful and proud of myself and now I'm like, oh man.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: But you haven't you haven't failed to get them out. It's not a failure in any way. You were still in the process. The fact that you're still working on it does not mean that you have failed. The fact that you are still working on it means that you are succeeding.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Wait what?
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: The fact that you were still working on it does not mean that you have failed. The fact that you are still working on it means that you are succeeding.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Who are you?
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: I know right?
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Where do you come up with this stuff? So that means we can't quit therapy?
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: Yes. Nice try.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Okay. That's a lot to think about. Yeah. I think that's just gonna have to hang there and sit. Like, I don't really have a response because to see that it's like the avoidance thing.
• 35:30
  I can either avoid it and forget that you even said it, but if I'm gonna hear what you said literally or figuratively, like, I'm gonna recognize what you said, then that requires me to do something about it. Mhmm. I don't wanna go back.
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: You don't have to. You're in the process of getting out.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: Woah. What? It feels feels so inside out. Like
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: The fact that you still have parts of yourself that need to be rescued from that danger does not mean that the other parts of yourself have to be in danger.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Woah okay say it one more time the same thing again I don't know how you do this.
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: The fact that you have to rescue the parts of yourself that are still in danger or still feel like they're in danger does not mean that the other parts of you that feel safe right now have to go into danger. That feeling of danger that you're experiencing I think that is the feeling that those other parts of you are holding it's not
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Now time.
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah it's not now time. Now time is safe.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. My brain hurts right now.
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: You're welcome.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to just chew it.
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: I love you.
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: I love you. Okay.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's all I can do.
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before. Not like this. Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community at www.systemspeakcommunity.com. We'll see you there.