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TA with Papa · System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Over:
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to long time listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Alright. So, within everyone's mind are three different sections that we refer to as the parent, the adult, and the child. And even though you may or may not be a parent, you may or may not be a child, you still have these three three parts. That's just what we the names we give them. Okay?
• 1:27
  We put them for those who are just listening, we put them in three circles that are in a vertical line. The parent is at the top, the adult is in the middle, the child is at the bottom. Okay? The parent and the child parts of the brain are filled with recordings of what happened when you were very little, like even before you have conscious memory. Alright?
• 1:51
  The parent section of your brain is made up of recordings of what you received from or how you perceived your caregivers when you were little. Okay? So this would this could have been bioparents. This could have been foster parents. This could have been the television.
• 2:12
  Like, whatever you saw is the authority presence when you were a baby, that information is stored here in the parent. Okay? The child is the stuff your own experiences as a baby, how you felt. Okay? What you experienced, how you had your needs met and those sort of things.
• 2:37
  So something how do I say this? So there's a different in perception between these two things. The child feels so small and little and helpless compared to these giant people around it. Right? And so the way we talk about it is the child feels like, I am not okay.
• 3:09
  I'm so small and helpless and there's nothing I can do, but you are okay. That's sort of the basic relationship that the child brain perceives. The parent brain, so the child is imagining the parent as this giant person who has all the power and all the ability to perceive their needs. So the parent brain thinks, I am okay. You are not okay.
• 3:43
  So the parent thinks, I have everything I need. You, little one, are completely vulnerable and needy, And so you have to receive all of this care that I have to provide. As you grow, the middle, the adult part of the brain starts to develop. And this, what they call the adult brain, is the thinking part of the brain that takes place in the present, what's going on now. And one of the jobs of this thinking adult brain is to go back through this information and say, oh, this is a good thing.
• 4:23
  I'm gonna keep that. This thing doesn't help me anymore, so I'm gonna get rid of that. And so it sort of adjusts these recordings that were made when you were little. Okay? But the adult mentality is I am okay, you are okay.
• 4:44
  So in the present, when you're interacting with someone else in the present, you can be equals. You can both have your own ideas. You can be different, and that's okay. You can support each other, but you're not needy and protective. Okay?
• 4:59
  So there are oops. There goes my cat.
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: Why we're pausing anyway, pop up? When people have questions, if they could take turns and come up and act by the microphone.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: Sure. Do we have any questions so far? Kiryu, would you like to come up here and ask your question? Stand right here.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Why did they put the I in you?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: So this is a perspective of me versus you. So when you were in the parent brain, your perspective is I am okay, you are not okay.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: So what I think about me and what I think about you.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Yes. Barrett, would you like to come up for a question? Amber, did you also have a question? You can come line up behind Barrett. I can't do it.
• 5:50
  Okay.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: Why does the parent think that girl that the person is okay, but that they're okay, but the person is not okay? And why does the child think they're not okay?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: So that's a very good question. Thank you. Go ahead and take a seat. So this may not actually be what your parents thought. This has to do with, like, the power structure.
• 6:19
  A baby is weak. A baby can't move on its own. It can't feed itself. It can't go to the bathroom by itself. It is completely dependent on other people.
• 6:31
  And so that feeling of weakness and neediness is where this feeling of not okay comes from. So when they're visualizing the parent, they're imagining the flip of that, the reverse. So that parent has all the power. So that parent must surely think they are okay and that I am not okay. Alright?
• 6:57
  It may not be actually what those parents were thinking, but it's sort of the emotional the emotional perception of what's going on. Does that make sense so far?
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: Yep. So
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: all three of these things have good things and bad things about them, or I will say positive and negative because it's not that they're good or bad, they're strengths and weaknesses, I guess you could say too. The parent, when you were in your parent brain, you're thinking this is the way things are done. This is like the rules. This is how we do things. The parenting brain, for one thing, teaches you how to be a parent.
• 7:43
  Right? Your parenting brain teaches you how to be effective at things. How things are done. The negative is parenting brain can be bossy, Parenting brain can gossip. So whenever you are in a position of, like, looking down at someone else saying, I am in a position of authority.
• 8:20
  You need to fix it. Right? That that is part of the parenting brain too. So the parenting brain can be bossy. Also, your parenting brain may be full of junk.
• 8:35
  If your parents were people, then they were not perfect parents. So the good things and bad things your parents did are all stored in there. Alright?
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: No. Definitely write gossip on the board as well. An issue. I'm writing exclamation mark last Friday.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: The child brain is where creativity lives. And it's where play lives. Right? So when we're feeling playful and silly, when we're doing tickles, when we're doing games, this is all part of our child brain. That's why it feels so good.
• 9:24
  It's like tapping into that young spirit within ourselves. But the child brain is also helpless. And I guess, like, irresponsible, like, doesn't take care of things.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Because it can't. It's
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: a date. That's right.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: It's impossible. Disrespectful. Now that
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: But the challenge is that we are not actually babies. None of us here are babies. Right? But we still have that baby part of our brain. And then the adult, the adult part is very logical, But the adult part is also detached.
• 10:29
  That means it doesn't want to get emotionally involved in things. So have you ever been doing your own thing and then somebody's like, oh,
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: come and play with me. Come and play
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: with me. And you're like, no. No. I'm not doing that right now. Yeah.
• 10:43
  Not not like being bossy about it, but you're just not interested in it. That's your adult brain not wanting to get caught up in whatever that thing is that's going on. Right? So the challenge part of the challenge is when we are behaving in different ways, trying to recognize what part of our brain is at work and is it working in an effective way. And part of why this is challenging is because everyone else's brain has the same parts.
• 11:30
  Alright. When two parent brains are talking together, it's like, oh, did you see what that kid did the other day? They were totally messing up. I can't believe it. So that sort of gossip is two brain two parent brains talking about some child brain over there.
• 11:55
  Right?
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Remember, we're not talking about me and papa. We're talking about all of us have all of those parts.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Yes. Anytime you were gossiping about someone that something that someone else did that was not the right way. Remember, parents are in charge of knowing the right the parent brain is in charge of knowing the right way to do things. And so if you and another person are talking about, oh, they were not doing the right thing. That is two parent brains talking together.
• 12:23
  Right? Two adult brains talking together are making a plan. This is the information that needs to get done. We're doing these things. Yes.
• 12:35
  I agree. I disagree. That makes sense. It's very, very practical. Alright.
• 12:41
  And two children interacting. That's, like, playful. That's fun. Let's play. Right?
• 12:49
  I'm being silly and you're being silly with me and we're having a good time together. You okay? We're gonna have so many arrows. I know it's gonna be confusing. Imagination.
• 13:15
  Yeah.
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: Makes sense. Two parents together, gossip. Two adults together, making plans. Two children together, imagination.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: So you can you don't just have to talk parent to parent, adult to adult, or child to child. It can be any combination as long as the lines are parallel. For example, Is it okay if I erase the middle? Mhmm. So one of the most common ones is parent to child.
• 14:17
  Okay? So if someone is in authority and someone is following directions, that is a parent child relationship. That could be a teacher and a student. That could be a doctor and a patient. That could be the game leader and the person playing the game.
• 14:41
  It just has to do with who is in the position of authority and who is not.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: It could be a daddy with
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: a child. It could be an actual parent and an actual child, it's true. But if one person is trying to do this and the other person also wants to be in charge, That's an argument. That is one kind of argument. So if you have two people who both want to be the leader of the game and are talking to everybody like they're the leader of the game is not gonna work, is it?
• 15:19
  Amber, why don't you come up if you have a question?
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: Are we talking about people or are they still in the brain?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: This is still in the brain. So these are not actual parents. This is the parent part of your brain.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: But this could also happen in actual
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: I'll be fine.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: That's okay. Go ahead and sit back down. I'll try and explain it. Thank you for that clarifying question, Amber. Do you have a question here, Ying?
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: Mhmm. Well, I mean, can I talk to Amber? What did you say last time, that we did this one?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: You were a tiny baby.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: How tiny? The size?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Bigger than that. I I don't remember the size you were. I was a tiny. Do you have another question, or is that it?
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Wait. What does that mean?
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: It says logical. That's very thinking. It's about That one. Detached means not emotional.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: I'm okay. Okay. I'm okay. He's okay. Okay.
• 16:38
  He's okay, and we're not okay.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: In the parent brain, the relationship is I am okay. You are not okay. So anytime that you are thinking you are better than somebody else, if you are hurting someone else's feelings, if you are bossing someone around, that is all, I am okay. You are not okay. You are sending that person a signal in a way that they are lesser than you.
• 17:04
  If you are in your child brain, you were saying, I am not okay. You are the boss of me. Okay? And in the middle, I'm okay. You're okay.
• 17:17
  It's a way of when I say, use your words. Tell them what you're feeling. Tell them what you need instead of being mean about it. Right? That is this adult brain in the middle.
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: Adults are kind.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Well, this is just the name they give this part of the brain that reasons out and takes the bits and pieces of what is good to do and what is not good to do.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Okay. Thank you.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: So, Amber, here's where it gets confusing, and this is why we didn't use the names parent, adult, and child before because these are all inside your brain.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, I thought
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: This is inside people. This is inside my brain and your brain. And my brain. If, for exam
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: my brain.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: If, for exam
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: If,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: for example, you and I are playing tickles together
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I am your parent and you are my child, but we are both using our child brain because playing together is the two child brains interacting. Does that make sense?
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: So those times, when I'm telling you guys, use your words. Don't come and tattle. Use your words. Tell the person what you need. Tell the person what you're feeling.
• 18:32
  I am trying to get you to shift from a child brain to an adult brain. A child brain says, I can't solve my problem. I need someone in power to solve my problem. That's your child brain that says that. And I'm trying to get you to shift from child brain to adult brain.
• 18:52
  If you need something and instead of asking, you're being bossy or pushy or rude, that is a parent brain, And I'm trying to get you to shift to the adult brain by saying, just use your words and ask politely.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: Wanna get to the middle and think will be fine.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Well, there are times when the child brain is wonderful. That's playtime. And the parent brain knows how to get stuff done. Right? That's where you store all your rules of how to behave, what is good manners, how do you do math.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: So all of them are good just at the right situations.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: That's right. And it's the adult brain part, the adult brain's job to regulate. Okay? Yes, Barrett? Come on over for your question.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: So if you're playing, like, and you're trying to trying to do, like if you're trying to make a robot perhaps, you have to you have to use your imagination, but also have to be logical. How can you make your adult mixed with the child?
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Well, the adult gets to sort of pick and choose from those parts and say, okay. For this part, we need the child part of the brain to help us with being creative, but we're also going to use the parent part of the brain that has learned how to do these things. So the job of the adult brain is to say, Oh, this part of my child recording is very helpful and we need it now. But this part of the child brain recording is actually making my life harder, so I need to stop listening to that part. That's part of the job of the adult brain.
• 20:33
  Does that make sense? So part of the reason that I am bringing this up in our family is that you guys are doing a wonderful job of learning and internalizing the rules and the way we do things. That's really good. Right? And what part of the brain are all those rules stored in?
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Adult. Wait. No. Parent. Parent.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So that's part of the how we do things brain. Right?
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: Except that we get part of this gossip.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Well, when everybody is trying to parent everyone else, then it turns into an argument because everyone's trying to be the parent of other people.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: Wait. Are we still talking about the brain?
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Within the brain. Yeah.
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Okay. Because, I mean, I'm just because they it's not
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So here's one person, and here's the other person. If our lines cross, then this person is talking to this person like they're a child, and this person is talking to that person like they're a child.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: But how are you supposed to talk to that in their brain when the other
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: brains are here? Well It it's just we are not aware of this as it's happening. But if you take a breath and calm down and think about it, your thoughts automatically shift into the adult brain where you can start regulating it more. Right? Have you ever experienced this where you're so upset about something and you come to me and you're like, dad, papa, help me with this.
• 22:09
  And I'm like, okay. Did you tell them that you didn't like that thing? And you're like, no. It's a sudden shift in the feeling. Right?
• 22:18
  You've gone from feeling panicked and helpless into thinking about it. And when you shift into your adult brain, your feelings aren't quite as in control as they were just a moment ago.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: Mhmm.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: So what I've seen a lot is people trying to parent each other. What would be more helpful is if we can move those rules down into our adult selves, into our adult brain.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: Why don't the adult need child go together? They can.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: I'll get to that. Just a second. So as an adult, if you see someone breaking a rule and you recognize that they've made a mistake or a bad choice, you can say, hey. Just a reminder, we're not supposed to be doing that. Right?
• 23:14
  That is giving information. That's not looking down on the person. That's feeling that they're equal. We're thinking about this. I'm just giving you information.
• 23:23
  If if the adult tries to do that and the parents and the other person says, you're not the boss of me. Which direction are they going? Child. Parent to child where it says, I'm okay. You're not okay.
• 23:44
  So an adult in this situation so that's an argument. Right? Because the two are crossed. But the adult can either join in the argument by jumping up to their parent thing and saying, no. You're okay.
• 23:57
  You're a mess.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: You're doing it wrong. No. No. No.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: No. Right? They can become an argument or they could jump down to the child and say, oh, I'm sorry. You're right. You're right about everything.
• 24:08
  I'm sorry I said anything. Right? Going down to the helpless place. If they stay an adult, the adult knows this is not a conversation that I can really participate in. So I'm just gonna step back.
• 24:21
  Does that make sense?
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Do you have to, like, really step back? That's kind of like that's kind of like me a little more.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: Well, we all do this sometimes. You had a question, Barron?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah. What if the other parent set tells the adult that they're you're acting like a child? Like, someone's telling the other person you're acting like a child. But the
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: adult So let's say this parent brain over here says to this person, you're acting like a child. Mhmm. If this person is in their adult brain, they can say, am I acting like a child? Am I maybe I was being irresponsible. Maybe I did something that was kind of like a child.
• 25:01
  Maybe I can do better. Right? So they're just thinking about it. If they wanna get in an argument, then they switch up to their parent brain. They're like, no.
• 25:09
  You're acting like a child. Right? Then you have two people really at a fight. Or they can jump down to be helpless and say,
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I'm trying. Okay.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Sometimes. Does that make sense how those work? Like, it's interesting to see how all these pieces interact with each other. Yes, Alex. Do you wanna come up and ask a question?
• 25:33
  Oh, I'm not saying that the parent brain is lying. It's a it's an attitude, and it's a relationship. I'm saying this in my adult brain, hopefully reaching you and your adult brain because I don't want you to feel bad about it, but I do need your help. Does that make sense? So say your question again, Alex.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: So I know that the adult was not in control, but if you were in your adult brain, I mean, you could, like, get a step in the right direction. Right?
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: So the adult brain is the source of regulating.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Because they'd have no one to fight with. You
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: lost me there. Explain that. What do you mean?
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: They would have no one to fight with because you're in your adult brain. And if they're gonna fight you, just go
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: ahead. Somebody so for example, parent to child is also bullying. Right? True. That relationship of I'm okay, you're not okay is a bully to the person they're picking on.
• 26:31
  So if you are stuck in your child position saying,
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm awful. I have to get away. There's nothing I can do.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: That is you staying in your child state, and that maintains this parent to child relationship. If you are in your adult state thinking, why is this person doing this? Are they actually going to hurt me? Are they just trying to be rude? You're in your thinking state.
• 26:58
  And if you hold on to that, eventually so if you if they're doing this to you, but you hold on to that adult mindset, eventually, they will stop playing their game.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Because for now you're not interested.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Because you're not playing it with them. Right?
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: And then they won't care because they're not getting anything fun of it.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: That's right. They're not getting from that interaction what they are looking for. Very good.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: For them to be in power in the top of the world. Yes. And you to be hiding in a corner, hiding, hanging
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: like Yeah. It's a feeling of power to to pick on someone else. Amber.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: I can write it in my notebook? Mhmm.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Do we have any other questions? I I can't think offhand of anything else that I need to explain as part of this, but this week, as we're having our interactions, I'm gonna start talking about these things of saying, oh, right now you shifted to your your child brain. You're feeling helpless, But I'm still trying to talk to you in my adult brain. Let's think about this instead of just going to that emotional place. Because in your adult brain is where you're gonna solve problems.
• 28:17
  It's where you're gonna interact safely with people when there's been a an argument or something. Right? Yes, Alex?
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: Finally got a question.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: That's okay. It's perfect.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: So Yeah. So
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: this thank you, Kyrie. This is an example, interestingly, of a parent brain pretending to be a child brain. You are putting out things to sabotage the other person.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: So
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: the secret you were acting like you were in a child state, but you're actually putting out things to make that other person struggle. You're trying to prove to yourself that you were okay and they are not okay instead of just remembering that you are okay and they are okay. You don't have to make other people look bad just to make yourself feel better.
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: So she
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, Alex. What what was your question?
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: Okay. So I know the adult is not in charge or in control. That's not what the adult is supposed to do. That's
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: The adult sort of regulates the other two.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. The But brains aren't bad. Right? No. These two are
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: not bad. All three have good things and negative things about them.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: That's this is just what they're supposed to do. Mhmm. That's their job.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: That's correct.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: So they're all good.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: So if I tell you to clean your room, it is your parent brain job to know how to do that. Mhmm. If you are struggling with cleaning your room, somehow we need to help your parent brain, and somehow we need to keep you from jumping into your child brain that says, I'm helpless. I can't clean my room.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I'm helpless.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: I Right? We need to make sure that your adult brain is getting the information up to your parent brain if that's not something your parent brain learned about when you were little.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: Yes. Okay. Amber? So, like, so all of them are good.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Why don't you come up here to ask? I'm sorry. Obstacle course. You
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: can push in my chair.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Alright. Go ahead.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: So all of the the wings are good, just used in the right situation. But if you can't move from one so the but what happens if you can't move from from any of these I mean, you can't withstand the adult brain. That's not helping either.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: It's true. The adult brain is detached. That means it doesn't really get excited about anything.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: That's not helpful.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: That's not helpful.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: That's sad.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So you are absolutely right. None of these are bad. They're part of who we are, all three of them. Okay?
• 31:20
  But the it's the job of the adult brain, this middle brain to say, oh, that bossy behavior that I recorded or that anger or those things are not helping me now, and I need to work to get rid of that so that I'm not still using this information that's not helpful anymore.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: But it might take years to get rid of.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: It might.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Like trauma takes years.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Trauma takes a long time, but the the adult brain is what keeps you on track. When you're working with a therapist or a counselor, sometimes going into this sort of child state is helpful because you can use your imagination to help work through some of those issues and get rid of some of those bad recordings that aren't helpful anymore.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: But what if you can't get from adult to child or adult to parent when you need to?
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: That also happens. That's a very good question. Barrett, would you mind if I use you as an example?
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: As long as it's not very terrible, maybe.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: It's not about something that you've done. It's kind of about something that happened to you. Okay. So when you were a baby, even though you don't remember it, you were around a lot of domestic violence, a lot of abuse, a lot of shouting and anger. So you, as a baby, felt very, very helpless because you were.
• 32:51
  No one was meeting your needs. You did not have the food you needed. You did not have the safety you needed. And the adults around you, the parents, were really scary. They were so angry and not safe.
• 33:06
  Right?
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Really bossy. So
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: When you get triggered by something, you immediately jump to either one of these things. This is you crying and feeling helpless in the child brain or you getting really mad and saying everything is unfair in the parent brain. And it's hard to get back to the middle brain, isn't it? Right? Sometimes with you, it has been easier to get you to the child brain from the parent brain by doing tickles or back scratches.
• 33:46
  Because when something is silly, then you know you're safe and you go to the sort of playful child area. Right?
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: That's good too. Right?
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That that can be a helpful tool. Absolutely.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: The adult brain.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So just however we need to do it to get to get things regulated and balanced again. Right? If you were helped by saying, is this how you do things? That's me doing a parent brain.
• 34:13
  Right? Is this has this helped you before? Are you really doing this the way you're supposed to be doing, Barrett? And that could snap you back into shape too if that's if that was helpful to you. I that's never worked with you personally.
• 34:26
  But No.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: It might never be.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: All of the e all three of these things are good when regulated. But all three of these things are part of every single one of us. And as you watch this week, you will notice at home or with your friends or wherever you are, you will start to notice when people are in their child brain or when they're in their parent brain or when they're in their adult brain. It doesn't mean they're doing bad things. Amber has some friends doing a business, and the girl who's the boss is being the parent brain in that group.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Well, see, that's how businesses work.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The boss of the business is the parent. That's right. Kiri, do you have a question or something to say? Do you wanna come up to
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Abel is always in his child brain.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Okay. Alex is showing us some of his child brain activity.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: On it.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: My adult brain says, could you please put that down before it spills? Okay. Thank you.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Alright. That's really what I wanted to talk about. So I will leave this up on the board just if that's helpful.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: It down.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to put some music on, some quiet music. We're gonna do just sort of Sunday playtime activities. You can take a nap. I might take a nap.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: Can we play together quietly?
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: As long as you're quietly. Yeah.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Do my baby a lot.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: As long as you're quiet. Help you? And I'm gonna rest on the sofa. Mama's gonna finish her meeting, and then around 02:00 Wait. Wait.
• 36:07
  02:15. I know. I'm getting there. We will head out to grandma and granddad's.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: Is mom coming? No.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: No. She has to work. She has other meetings. Birthday, isn't it? Is still recording.
• 36:18
  Mhmm.
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: That was the husband talking with the children about transactional analysis. The husband found the book, I'm okay, you're okay, when he was about the age of the triplets who are now in eighth grade. So he studied that a long time and still finds it useful. And as we continue to introduce parts language, he wanted another way to help them negotiate that in their own lives, including their own trauma and dissociation even though they don't have DID. We also want to clarify that those parts that he's talking about, the parent brain and the adult brain and the child brain, are not the same as parts in an OSDD or DID system.
• 37:01
  In systems like ours, any one of those parts could have all three of those. This is about relationships between people. So this could happen between any part of you and any part of someone else as well as between parts internally. The picture that he drew for the children on the board will be posted on the blog. We just wanted to share this in case it was helpful for any of you too.
• 37:25
  Thanks for listening.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to us and for all of your support for the podcast, our books, and them being donated to survivors and the community. It means so much to us as we try to create something that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing.