Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Kinky Bottoms with Ross Mathews

Transcript

Kinky Bottoms with Ross Mathews · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi everybody. While I'm taking the month of September off
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: of doing stand up, I return on October one to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: complete my Vaccinated and Horny Tour. October, November, and December,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: I have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach, Bakersfield.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis, San Diego, Reading, Pennsylvania,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: some Floridian dates in there, since this will be my
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: last year that I'm able to go inside the state
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: of Florida. So check out Chelsea handler dot com for
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: more stand up dates for my Vaccinated in Horny Tour.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: These are my last dates. Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh Hi Chelsea. Hello,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: welcome to the studio. We're in studio together in Los Angeles,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: Los Angeles. I love when we get to me together.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's so nice and now that
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: we sit on the same side of the window, especially especially,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: not especially. I did an announcement on my Instagram A
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: P S A as I like to call them about
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: the words especially and espresso. That they do not have
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: exes in them that they are says Actually, you know,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: there were a couple of comments about it's like, oh,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: that's being really racist, thinking about how different cultures use
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: language and different educational systems, and it's a socio economic
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: class this thing to say. I'm like, not at all,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: that's that is a thing that like white college educated
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: people are abusing that word expect when they say especially,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I don't because they get it wrong. I got it wrong.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Did you say especially? Honestly don't remember Exhibit A. Then
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just tell anyway. Fuck. I liked your
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: regime regimen correction because I mean, man, I hear it
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: all the time and it drives me nuts. Yeah, so,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: and then why is that not racist regime and regiment
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: and or classist if it's like it's like, no, you're
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: correcting grammar. Grammar should be used correctly, and you know, yeah, anyway,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: I love the language and that's my past Shin Chelsea.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: We did have a little bit of an interesting stuphoo
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: over the last couple of days with our Dear Chelsea
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: podcast email. Oh god, I know, I'm such an idiot.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: She's like Ben Bruno is going to be on the podcast,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and she's the Catherine side texted me and said, hey,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: would you get some questions about fitness for Ben Bruno
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: because he's too talk about anything else. And and then
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: com and it's Dear Chelsea project at Gmail, which actually
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: makes no sense. So it doesn't because this was like
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: just a like a secret project at the beginning. So
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: that was the email sc project. But then you know,
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: of course people are saying in your d m s like,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: oh my god, we can't get through it says unavailable.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So what Brad did, He's just a lifesaver. He went
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: and set up Dear Chelsea podcast at Gmail. Okay, guys,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: thank you Brad for doing that, for picking up the
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: pieces of my messy Saturday mornings. But my favorite thing, Chelsea,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I did not tell you this before, but you did
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a correction and I had a picture you had the
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: correction on there and it was same wrong. I just
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: was like, well, let's set up attention to details unparalleled.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. So I just thought I would let
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: you in on that. But you know what I think
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: now we're going to just change that. So gays you
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: can write. We'll start calling it Dear Chelsea project dot com.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: I'll go back Dory. They'll both work now, so send
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: away and then we and then Ben Bruto and I
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: did like an Instagram story when I was at his
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: gym the other morning, and I did it wrong too.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I said to your Chelsea podcast or Dear Chelsea podcast, amazing.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Just don't send it to dear Chelsea at gmail dot
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: com because that's a different heard of from me. Don't
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: use that email address. Just check with me, guys, just yeah,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: get him my I d M. I'll let I'll let
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you know where to send it. My guest today is
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: an old friend from Chelsea Lately Days who everyone will know,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: and he's on Rue Paul's Drag Race. He is the
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: host of the Drew Barrymore Show, which has just been
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: picked up for season three, so congratulations on that. And
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: he has his own new podcast which premiered mid September
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: and it is called Hello Ross, and I will be
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: on the very first episode. Ross Matthews. Everybody, Hi, Hi, Hi,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: because I was so happy to see you. Hi. Cutie,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Petuity Fresh and fruity extra fruity, what's up? Where are
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: your you? In l A. I am where are you
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Palm Springs? No, no, no no, we're we We bought a
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: house in Long Island, so we're here because we're starting
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Drew up again. I thought you bought a place in
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Palm Springs. So I have a house and Palm Springs.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And then when I came here for Drew and then married,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: welly he's faced in Long Island because that's where he
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: works here. So we bought a house here and I
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: love it out here. Oh that's great, and so are
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: you gonna keep your place in Palm Springs. We're back
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: and forth. My brother lives there. It's like a compound,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: you know. My brother lives there with the dogs. He
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: watches them. Huge, dude, I love it. Congratulations, thank you,
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: there's so much to catch up on. And Hi, by
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: the way, this is my producer, Katherine. Hi, Katherine, everybody.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here today. Hello Hillo, Ross Matthews. It
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: is so good to see you. It has been too long.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, even though we did get to get together
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: and have like a happy hour thing not that long ago.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: It was remember, Yeah, I was there, you were there, Yeah,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: in New York City. I went Barbara were at the
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: famous Ritz St Regis St Regis. That's right, what's up
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: bar called? I never remember, but they have the popcorn
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: of my life there, Remember that truffle popcorn that I
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: have since how to make it so good? We had
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: a little reunion. It was Fortune and Jack's and Welly
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Ross's now husband, and Joe Coy myself and we all
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: went and it was so much fun and it was
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: like a little Yeah, that was a really fun night.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I saw those pictures on the Instagram. They were on
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: the gram. Well, Joe Coy and I have broken up. Ross.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that you've heard. I know I did here,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I texted you. I know. I love you both, and
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: that one one that would hurt I have say, did
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: it hurt me as much as it hurt you? It
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: hurt me more? Maybe I don't know. No, it hurt me.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: It was. It was painful. It was you know, it's
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: hard to break up any time, especially when you you know,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: thought you were gonna be with somebody for a long time.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: It's hard to like, go, wait a second, this isn't
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: what I thought it was going to be. That sucks.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: It's not as so many people invested in you guys,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: do you know I think it was. It was something
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: we needed after the pandemic, and you know what it
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: was still, it was beautiful. It was beautiful for what
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: it was and when it was. And I hope your
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: heart is good. Yeah it is. I'm good now. I
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: feel a lot of I've healed a lot in the
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: last couple of months. It's only been a couple of months,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: but I feel a lot I think now. We were
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: talking about this on another podcast earlier this week. I
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: have to say, like having the skills from going to
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: therapy about how to deal with grieving and the end
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: of a relationship and to act like an adult instead
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: of like a kid is the best gift ever. Too. Like,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: I love the way that I have behaved, and I
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: can't say at about many times in my life I've
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: been there for some of those times. I can. I can,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I can attest to my bad behavior. But like, especially
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: with breakups, when there's drama, or there's hurt feelings, or
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: there's egos involved, it's so easy to lower your vibration
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: and to fight nasty instead of taking the high road
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: and always just being like it's okay, it's okay. It
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: didn't work out. Can we go deep for a second,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: because I had a thought. Sure, I think grief grief,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: and I'm someone who's dealt with grief, right I lost
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: both my parents, has been it was. It's tough. You know,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: you have to learn to do that. You've done that
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: as well. I think grief is grief. Whether it's a
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: breakup or a death or a loss, it is. It
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  Speaker 1: is what it is. And I feel like the first
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: time you really experienced grief is how you approach it
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: for the rest of forever, you know what I mean,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: until you do the work to change it. And so
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: if you first experienced grief as a young kid, maybe
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: you went back there even in adulthood until you learned
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  Speaker 1: how to navigate it correctly. And you did as the
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: young kid. I think about that all the time, that
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: you went through that when you're so Yeah, that's true,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle said something like that. She had heard
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: something like sometimes you recreate all of your childhood trauma
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to try and correct it and correct your reaction to
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: it and the ending two things, And yeah, I agree
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: with that. I mean, the only thing you can ever
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: hope for in this lifetime is to become more evolved.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I mean for me, I always just want to get
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: more informed, more evolved, and become a better version of myself. Right, Yeah,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: And you suck it up the first time, in the
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: second time, in the third time, and by like the
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: fourth time, let's get our ship together, right and let
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: that's kind of life. If you can buy the fourth
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: time kind of figure it out, then you're you're on
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: the right track. And also, I think something that's really
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: valid is having an interest. We were just talking to
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: somebody who thought, you know, therapy with self indulgent or
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: navel gazing or unnecessary. It's like, it is so important
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: to be with somebody who has the capacity and the
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: knowledge to be smart enough to understand that there are
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: things inside of us that need to be examined. That
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: there are you have to self examine. You have to
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: understand why you do things so that you don't hurt people,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: and that you don't behave in a childish way when
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: you're an adult. You know, like that's no fun, you
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: have to do that. But I think if you want
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: to be in any sort of elevated relationship with yourself
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: or with anybody else that really can go anywhere, then
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: you have to do the work. I mean, some people
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: are fine just sitting there, not examining things, not working
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: it out. But I promise you and you're you know.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: I look at your growth just in terms of like
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: your heart, just knowing you for how many years has
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: it been known? Almost twenty years? Probably probably you know.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I see it in you, and not that you needed to,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: but I see a different version of you now, an
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: evolved version. I think we all do, you know? And
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I love that you're so open about that dream. Well,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I mean it's like it is a compliment. It is.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I know you've been through some difficult breakups and now
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: you're in a real happy relationship. How did that work
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: for you? That kind of arc? I think you have
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: to be grateful and that sort of makes such peace
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: with whatever you've been through because it does sort of
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: form who you are. And I have been able you know,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I met my husband, which is so weird to say,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: but my husband I met almost three years ago. And
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: if I hadn't met him when I met him as
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: a human I was when I met him, I wouldn't
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: have been ready for what he has done for me
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: in terms of holding a mirror up to me and
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: holding a mirror up to the world. You know, is
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: a person of color, a gay immigrant person of color
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: who's worked his way up in this life to become
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: a doctor of education. And he just showed me what
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: that journey was like. And it made me understand what
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: being a white man here was like and what being
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: a flawed human is like. And he's just made me
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: so much better. And I wouldn't have been ready for
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: it if I hadn't gone through all of it, you know,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: And here I am. I think I'm ready. Oh. I
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: love that his husband's name is Wellington, which I love.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I love a name like Wellington. It sounds like he
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: should be on Oh what's that stupid teage Abbey well That?
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: But the other the updated child Bridget. Yeah, you know
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: the best thing about well he's you know, he's a
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: very important educational thinker and all that. But every time
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: I go what do you want for dinner? He goes,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: you want beef Wellington and then he shakes it. He goes,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: you like your beef Welling? And well done. Yeah. So
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Ross is on the Drew Barrymore Show. They're a delightful
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: combo platter, I must say. And you guys are going back?
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: What season are you going back to? Yeah? Season three
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: were starting, And you know, Chelsea, you've known me for
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: a long time. And I when I grew up in
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: a little farmtown, I used to watch Regis and kathy
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Leen just like talk and think like, oh my god,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: they get to like talk to each other and then
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: interview celebrities. That's what I want to do and and
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: it's been the goal forever and I can't believe I
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: get to do it every day with Drew Barrymore. It's
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: crazy you call him on the show, right, and it
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: was so nice to have you on. And she's just
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: a dream. Yeah, Drew is a very special, unique individual.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Drew has gone through her sets of trauma and yeah,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: all of the stuff, but she always manages to be
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Sunday side up is how I would describe her. She's
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: always I mean, she can you know, she's not perfect
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: in terms of like being in a happy mood all
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: the time, but her genuine spirit is that her like
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: neutral vibrates above happy. Yeah, I mean that gear and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I kind of do that too. But you know, she's
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: somebody who again has put in the work. You think
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: about where she's been sometimes I'll bring it up. You know,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: what were do you do when you were thirteen? And
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: she'll be like, I was in the mental institution. Okay,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: well I understood. So she's really like been through it
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: and come out on this place just full of gratitude
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: and not a Pollyanna, not cheesy. She really comes by honestly,
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: but she's the real deal. You know. I didn't know
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: her before doing the show. I just sort of popped
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: in one day and we like clicked how long did
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: how long did it take you guys to click? About
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: about three and a half minutes, I think, And then
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: she was like, can you come back tomorrow? And I
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: was at Jure and then they said can you come
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: back next week? Okay? And then I just never left Chelsea.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: It's like when I did your show. I just showed up.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: The same thing on RuPaul, same thing on Jay Leno.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I just sort of show up and then people are like,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I guess we'll keep him. I'm like a rescue dog,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: you know. They're like, I like him. I guess I'm
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: used to him. That's cute. That's cute. So what goes
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: on on Long Island? What part of Long Island are
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: you on? So we're in the north Shore. I don't
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: know anything about All I knew about Long Island is
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: that it was far away from California. But we just
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: bought a house here because my husband, like I said,
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: he works out here, and then it's a quick ant
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: right into the city. But I love it. I thought
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: it was sort of like cheesy, and then I realized, oh,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: this is where the bearfot Contessa lives, and then it
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: all started all started making sense to me. I was like,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I can have burrata and KAPRAI say, and you know,
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I could flit my denim collar up and life is
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: going to be great. So I love it here. And
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: you know what, can I tell you a quick story
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: that I want? I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: had a dream. I've always been scared of cats because
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: there's this terrible neighbor cat that was so mean to
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: me growing up. So I just scared. And then about
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: fifteen years ago, I had a dream about a gray cat.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I've thought about this gray cat for fifteen years, you know,
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: thinking about one day a gray cat's going to show up.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I bought this house on Long Island. The morning after
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: we moved in I walked into the backyard and a
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: gray cat walks up to me and starts nuzzling me.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: And I named her Joy until I found out that
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: she's a boy, So now it's Joy Boy, and joy
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Boy is here every single day, and it means to me,
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I'm on the right track, right, I'm supposed to it.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: That's such a cute story. I'm I'm into all of
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: that ship. I'm all into symbolism and signs. Hathan and
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I just started reading this book about this neuroscientist who
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: basically discovers mysticism and spirituality and the meaning of the
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: universe and and which scientists are like, no, nothing, never,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: nothing ever happens because it's supposed to everything's an accident.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Everything's an accident unless it's proven by science. And she
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: just had her you know, switch flipped. Either way, I
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: think it works either way. I don't know. Well, for
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: you it does. I'll take what I can get. She
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: had her switch flipped, and she's like, oh no, there's
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: like a cosmic element to everything, and there's symbolism, and
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: there's pre minisciary premoniciary, premonitionary premonitionary dreams. I think it's
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: just missionary, missionary premonitionary dreams. Like my friend Wendy always
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: has premonitionary dreams. She dreamed something and then it happens,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: and it's like, what's that about? You know what I mean?
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Because we all have a like a psychic ability, and
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I just I love that stuff. I think the more
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: open minded you are, the more you see. So well put,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: I used to roll my eyes at like crystals and bullshit.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I always called it that until I went through my
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: big breakup and then I someone I'm a friend brought
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: me to a crystal store and like literally a piece
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: of stone changed my life. It's multivike and I just
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: have hung on to it. And I thought to myself,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: you know, if the moon can pull the tide, there's
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: something going on with energy. So if you can just
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: accept it as opposed to try to explain it to yourself,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Like I like what you said, you see things other
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: people can't see. Yeah, if you are to walk into
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: a room where like two people have just been arguing,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: you feel it. That's energy. That's all that is. When
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: they say you can cut it with a knife, it's true. Well,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: it's also like when somebody fakes their energy when they
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: come in and they try to be happy, but you
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: can tell something's gone on and they're not in a
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: good spot. That's that's energy, and it's completely transferable and
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: well and it's transparent, like you can totally see right
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: through it. So yeah, the people who don't take that
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: seriously or think my beliefs are my beliefs and it's
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: intransigent and I'm not willing to change my opinion. It's like, well,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: then you're wrong, definitely. If you're not willing to have
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: your mind change, then you're wrong. Yeah. Yeah, And if
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: you just can accept the fact that even your instinct
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: is energy, then there you go. Yeah, that's right there.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: We've all felt that thing and yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: so Ross. On our podcast, we take callers and we
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: give advice, and these are real life situations and serious problems.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: So you better have a shot of tequila and get ready. Okay, okay,
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I'll deciding. All I have here is water, but I'm
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: going to be high. That's my breast milk that I
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: said to you. That's yeah, yeah, it's utterly delicious thing.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: It's almond milk. Actually, I pumped fresh almond milk every morning.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: That's nuts. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: be right back for some points. Okay, Ross and I
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: are going to give our each other a little rubber
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: ducking massage out. We'll be right back, and we're back
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: so fast. All right. Well, our first I just want
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: to mention before you start that there is a neon
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: signed behind Ross with his name written in cursive and
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: pink neon, and I would expect nothing fucking less. Thank
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: you it all. I have a remote control and I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: can change that to blue if you want to look
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: at that. I got this on at a little boutique
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: called Amazon. Oh, I've never heard of Amazon. It's cute,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: and I also had no idea it was pronounced like that,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: so look at me learning. I think it's French. Well,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: our first question comes from sad friend. Dear Chelsea, one
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: of my good friends, someone who I considered my best
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: friend in college, just unfollowed me on Instagram. She didn't
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: tell me about this, and I just figured it out
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: three months later. I confronted her about it, and she
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: said she doesn't like my boyfriend. She told me that
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: she didn't want to see him on my stories and
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: my posts. The problem is this is not a new boyfriend.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: We've been dating for eight years all throughout college. I
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: didn't realize she disliked my boyfriend this much, and it's
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: not a sentiment I've received from any of my other friends.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: She mentioned once in passing that she didn't want to
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: hang around on to him, and I thought, okay, whatever,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: But I just think it's so weird that she unfollowed me.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: It also makes me think that her hatred of him
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: matters more than our friendship. I don't even hang out
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: with them together, so I'm not sure what the problem is.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Do you think it's a sign that she no longer
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: wants to be friends and this was her way of
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: saying it. I'm not sure I even want to continue
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: the friendship if she couldn't have an open conversation with
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: me about this before she resorted to unfollowing me and
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: not telling me about it. Sincerely a sad friend. Oh
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that hurts your feelings, That is sad. I have a
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: very strong opinion about this, though. Good tell us, okay, goodbye,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. If you're gonna unfollow me after
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: knowing me with instead of picking up the phone and saying, hey,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: I have a real problem with your boyfriend. There's some
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: things about him I don't like it, about his characters,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: qualities and as a human, and I think maybe you
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: can do better. You're not going to have that grown
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: up conversation, but you're gonna unfollow me. Well, you're not
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: capable of being my friend anymore, Thank you so much. Next. Yeah, absolutely,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I mean funk that person. Un following as somebody is
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: as a end is really aggressive. I don't even want
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: to unfollow other celebrities that annoy me that I'm not
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: friends with, because I know they're going to see it.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: So you can easily mute somebody when you don't want
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: to see anything that they're doing. That's an option everybody.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: But yeah, your friend is an asshole. That's not a
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: real reason. How could she just like your boyfriend after
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: eight years and then not say anything and that's how
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: she tells you. So I'm glad that you're open to
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: not being friends with her again, because that's probably the
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: route I would take. Not probably that is the route
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I would take. Yeah, I would also look at the
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: boyfriend though, just in case maybe the friend had a point,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like examine, just let that
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: sink into but goodbye to the friend. She's not growing up. Yeah,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: And also you can take a survey from your other
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: friends and see if there's an issue with your boyfriend
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: that anybody else has. You know, if you're interested in
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: learning about that, or you think that there might be
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: something up with your boyfriend or your boyfriend might be
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: an asshole, then you should ask your other friends and
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: whose opinions you trust. And when you're asking for honesty,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: that gives a person a lot more license and a
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: bigger avenue to be honest rather than I'm giving you
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: unsolicited opinions. Can you imagine being a grown up like this?
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: These people are probably almost thirty because eight years ago
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: they were in college, right, so they're almost thirty being
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: a grown up, and your biggest move is to unfollowed time.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I don't even like when Instagram comes up in regular
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: conversations and somebody says, like when any adult says something
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: about somebody being followed or following someone on int I'm like,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: excuse me, sir, how old are you? Here's the sentence
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I've never said to my like, oh she didn't like
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: my photo? Never once? Who would say that? It's like
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Instagram is our touchstone for like being alive. I don't
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: like that to be the barometer for anything. Yeah, Ever,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I have to say I kind of have a little
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: bit of a different opinion on this. I honestly feel like,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: if you're following me, if you're not following me, like
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: who cares? Sort of like do your thing. I have
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: friends that I love in real life and I cannot
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: follow them online because they're frankly just obnoxious on But
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: at the same time, I do think that a lot
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: of people believe you that Instagram or TikTok is a
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: proxy for friendship. It's like, if you're not sending me memes,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: if you're not following me, you're not my friend. But
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: at the same time, I think the mute button can
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: be your very best friend and spare everybody's feelings. But
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know, what do you guys think about this?
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: A lot of people take it so seriously. I don't know.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: It's kind of sad to be that to care that
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: much about it, don't you think I'm I? I I mean,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: am I just old? Do we miss the window of
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: like we didn't grow up with Instagram, so pebe we
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: don't get the value of it. We're just sort of like,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I get the value of it, but I don't like
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: the relationship with it when it becomes a little bit
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: too interdependent. I mean, yes, I'm on Instagram all the time,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I'm checking things, I'm writing to people, I'm answering things,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm looking at my good commentary. You're always in there. Yeah,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I'd like to give people support and do that, but
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: I also don't like it to run me. Like if
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I if I notice that I've been on or my
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: screen time says, oh you've been up five hours. You've
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: added this week or day or whatever, I'm like, oh fuck.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: And then I if I'm on vacation, I put my
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: phone down. I don't touch it, you know, usually all day.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: So it is a very tricky relationship. And we know
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: it's addictive. It's addicting, and you become an addict. And
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I mean I already have enough addictions, so so I
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: don't need that to be one of another one. You know,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I get it. Well. Our next question comes from Noah,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and he's on the phone with us here. Oh is
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: it Noah from the Affair? Of course it is, Okay.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I love that character, Dear Chelsea. I've been single for
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: a few years now and haven't gotten past two ish
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: dates with anyone since that time. I'm pretty independent, but
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: nevertheless a bit of a romantic. I wouldn't say I'm
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: in a rush because I have very close friends who
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I spend a good deal of time with, and during
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: the height of the pandemic, I was quite content being alone, reading,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: watching TV, taking long walks, without the expectation to interact
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: with society. But things are changing now and I'm wanting more.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I live in Minneapolis, and the population of gay men
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: here isn't what it is and say Chicago and y C.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Or San Francisco. It's a big, small town, and you
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: can expect if you start to date someone, you probably
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: know their X. Plus everyone here settles down, further limiting
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: available men to complicate it even more. I'm a kinky bottom,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: and finding men that complement that part of me, or
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: that are open to open relationships is even harder. If
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: they exist here, I already know who they are. Despite
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: having the best friends I've ever had in my life,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: and the fact that the quality of life here is
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: so nice. I live blocks away from four different lakes,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: multiple parks, and pay less than seven dollars for my rent.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I want to move eventually, but I'm a historian and
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: museum professional, and believe it or not, there isn't a
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: huge job market for historians these days. I'm willing to
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: date long distance, but how do you even meet someone
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: to begin a long distance relationship? How do I make
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: moves towards what I want? When I seem stuck where
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I am? Noah, Hidah, Noah. I didn't know it was
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: going to actually be here. You are. We were just
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: going to talk about you like you weren't here. Oh
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: my gosh. Well I'm glad to be here with both
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: of you, all of you. Yeah, yeah, well we have
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: our our gay man is here today so he can.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Really I'm gonna let you jump off on this ross
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: you take there, You're in lucky little kinky bottom because
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: uncle Ross is here the other kinky bottoms on the
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: zoom listen. I love that you put that out there,
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: and that is the number one thing you can do
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: when you're looking for love and you're I should say,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: when you're ready for love is to put it out there. Now,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: do not poo poo on Minneapolis. It is a great
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: gay city, you know. I every time I'm in Minnieplus,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: I go to the saloon and order the what the
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Tater Tots because they are Chris. They are perfect. Minneapolis
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: is It is very gay there, But I also understand
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: when you say it's a little big city. And so
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: if you meet someone, you do probably know their ex.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: Have you found that when you put it out there?
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Are you on the apps like putting it out there
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: what you're into in terms of sexually? Oh? Yeah, I'm
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: on the ops and I don't have a hard time
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: finding what I need sexually. It's finding that component of
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: like the romantic with the sexual because there are folks
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: that are in relationships here and open, and so I
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: can usually find folks that are into what I'm into.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: It just so happens that they're not available to date.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I wonder if simultaneously if you could be like on
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: the grinder the hookup apps to be getting your kinky
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: bottom insatiable needs fed, and simultaneously on a different kind
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: of app, right, like maybe the Tinder where it's not
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: all that whole pictures, Right, I have a variety of them?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah you do? And are you finding? And then Chelsea,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I'll let you speak on your own show. But are
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: you finding that on these apps where you're like it's
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: about finding love that there's just the well is dry. Yeah.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: So I've got the Hinge, Tender, Scruff and Grinder, so
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: like those four and I do definitely that's a nice
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: buffet of dating apps. I like your I like I
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: like your choices. I use hingingine Tender, yeah, more for dates.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: But like I said, like, I've had a handful for
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: states and we never get past the second and I
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: don't really know why that is. Sometimes the kicky stuff
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: comes up on those states, sometimes it doesn't. But I've
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: only had like a handful in the past two years,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: and that's just not a lot of prospects Chelsea. It
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: seems to me though, that no, it's just kind of dating.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, isn't that it that you have some sex
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: on this side, you have some dates and hope that
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: they get to a number three and four and that
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: and they won't until like the that's the right guy.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: But isn't this kind of just the game? Well, first
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: of all, No, you said something that is a pretty
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: negative and I you there's no way that you know
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: everybody in Minneapolis and that you've experienced every gay person there,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: and that everyone that's available as you've already met. That's
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: just not true. So that kind of thinking has like
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: a negative pattern in your brain when you shut things
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: down and you're like, well, what's the point here? So
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you have to kind of wash that out. You haven't
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: met everybody in Minneapolis, and you never will, and you
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: haven't met every gay bottom or top. Sorry, you're looking
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: for a top probably, and you want to have an
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: open relationship, right, that's why you're interested in Yeah, that
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: would be preferred. I'm open to monogamy. It's just one
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: of those things that I know that I am needy,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: and so it's unreasonable for me to expect one person
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: to be able to fulfill all those things. But if
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: they think that they could or would be willing to
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: do that, I would be open as well. Wow, look
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: at that. That's a great answer. I love that you're
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: being You're actually being selfless about it because you don't
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: want to put that onus on another person to constantly
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: have to be penetrating you. I get that. That's very
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: nice of you, sweet, But there are other Okay, so
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: all the dating apps you've got covered, I would say
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: continue on that you're doing the Lord's work and that's fun,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: and you're gonna meet people. It might not be on
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: the timeline that you want, but somebody's gonna come along
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: that's also gonna be wanting a relationship and you're going
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: to find that person. But I think you should also
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: cast a wider net. I mean, I know you're casting
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: a pretty wide net. But in terms of not being
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: on dating sites, like what kind of stuff do you
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: like to do? There's like all sorts of gym ship
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: you can get into where you're gonna meet people gym activities,
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: whether you're into like volleyball or what what do you
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: like to do? So I'm actually heavily involved in the
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: gay Kickball and gay Dodge falls there, so I'm a
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: captain of my team. Yeah, it's so hot. I also
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: like teach the rules to all the movies. So every
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: time we have the beginning of the season, all of
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: these new gays or like new people that are playing
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: the sports are coming to me and I'm teaching the rules.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: So I get to see and meet a lot of
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: people that way as well. So it's actually how I
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: met my last boyfriend, which we broke up in twenty nineteen.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: So okay, well, it sounds like you're doing everything you
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: need to be doing. When was the last time that
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: you were in a relationship. Yeah, we broke up in
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: December twenty nineteen. Okay, and you're ready to get into
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: another one. Yeah, I think so. I needed a while
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: after that one. And that was my first long term relationship,
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: And after that was the first time I realized that
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I could, like, actually have a relationship. Prior to that,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: I wasn't really looking for something long term because I
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: didn't realize that I was capable of it. And then
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: it happened, and I was like, you know what, I
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: liked that and ended for other reasons, but I was like,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: I I enjoyed that, and I would like to get
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: something like that again. How old do you again? Remind me? Noah?
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: Oh good. So you're right. You're writing where you should
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: be doing exactly what you should be doing. Don't rush it, noah. Okay.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: If you keep on this path, you're going to be
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: just fine. Finding somebody somebody's something, and you've got a
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: lot of living to do, honey, Okay, a lot of
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: bottoming for you to do. Got it. Don't bottom out,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: don't bottom out. And also, you know, like, if this
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: is what you desire, a loving, compassionate relationship, write that down,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Write that down on and put it on your refrigerator,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: and every single morning write it down again, write it
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: down to start your day. I am capable and deserving
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: of a loving, healthy relationship with another man. And and
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: and just that is your mantra. Say it to yourself,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: like the manifestation is everything. It fucking works. People talk
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: about stuff all the time. By putting that in your
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: brain activity, not only are you changing your own energy,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: you're changing your thought ss and instead of looking at
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: it as a negative, you have to start going. I
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: can't wait to meet the people in Minneapolis I haven't
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: met yet. I can't wait to meet those guys. You know,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: there's a new kickball season starting. Guess what's gonna happen.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: There's a whole new crop for you. So and anything
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: you can add to that. I mean, it sounds like
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: you're pretty busy and with all of it, but I mean,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: these are great qualities to have, These are great activities
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: to be doing. You know, captaining a kickball team is
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: a great way to meet people. But if there's any
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: other sports out there, that you feel like you're into
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: do that too. If you have time, You're only just
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: going to meet more people and make your life broader, healthier,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: and more well balanced. Yeah, you're right. I'm not worried
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: about you know. I'm not worried, but I'm not worried
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: about you know either. You're twenty seven years old. Be patient,
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: don't be in a rush. There's no rush. There's no rush.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: This is gonna come. You'd rather get the right person
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: in time than to get the wrong person quickly, right, Yeah, correct, Yeah,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: that's the thing that I need to work on, is
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: the patience because I think that way too. It's just
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: like I I know what I want and they're no
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: reason to compromise on that for right now, because I'm
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: not in a rush, and I want to say thank
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: you for your AIDS poster in the background, so that
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: the first words I see behind your head are AIDS.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you for that. I am a queer historian, so
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: I've gotten all over. Yeah, so beautiful. Just to sort
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: of put a cap on that, Chelsea go on to
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: mentioned this earlier, but also like putting that out there
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: that you know you're ready for a relationship. That's kind
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: of what you're interested in next, like putting that out
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: to your friends as well putting it out there to
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: yourself every day. But I was like, drop that into
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: conversation because you never know who's like, oh my gosh,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to this other person the other
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: day about this. I got to connect these two. Sure,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: we'll keep us posted. Let us just good lucky. You're
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: gonna be just fine. I have a date Saturday. O
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: great you and your eager butth hole, thank you. I
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: love Noah. I want only gay questions for Ross. And
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, is this too on the nose? I
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: don't know. Well, I have another caller. This is Chloe.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Chloe says dear Chelsea. I'm twenty eight and recently moved
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: to New York to pursue stand up. I ended a
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: bad relationship and two weeks later I lost my grandmother,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: who was more like a mom to me, and ship
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: really hit the fan in a way that I'm now
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: profoundly grateful for. I gained a lot of weight in
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: the months immediately after the breakup and losing my grandmother.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: My weight is a part of my story. Though forever
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: I've been thin, I've been fat I've been in between.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I've made the decision to pursue weight loss surgery not
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: because it's an easy way out, but because I'm finally
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: living my dream and just logistically don't have time for
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: major weight loss if I also want to pursue stand
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: up and work full time. I feel so grateful for
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: my life not going the way I really clung to,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: because I would never have started doing stand up, which
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: make me feel more alive and in love than any person, place,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: or thing outside of myself ever has. But the thought
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: of any surgery makes me feel anxious. I've done a
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: ton of research and know that this is a safe
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: and routine surgery, but I'm scared of being that point
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: oh one percent of fatalities. You know how hard the
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: grind is trying to make it in stand up when
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: you're just beginning, and in the little time I have
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: to myself. I'd like to start dating again as well,
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: but I'm too scared to do so in a larger body.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: The world is just a lot kinder to you in
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: a smaller frame. Weight loss surgery seems like a step
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: that will let me have my cake and eat it too.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Figuratively speaking, I'd love to know your thoughts on my
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: predicament and maybe what decision you would make if you
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: were in my shoes. Chloe Hie. Hi, Hi, Hi cutie.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: How are you. I'm good? How are you guys? Well,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: you're in luck. We have a very special guest here today,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here. Hi. Hi, Okay, you are so cute.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: We just listened to your letter. Girl. I feel you
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: in so many different ways. I get it. Thank you. Yeah,
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: this is great that you're here. I feel like you
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: would understand I know a lot about your story and everything. Well,
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: I get it in so many ways in terms of
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: like what it's like to be a person of size
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: trying to be funny, you know what I mean, trying
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: to get into show business. I understand about putting on
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: weight when you're grieving the loss of somebody you love
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: so much. And I understand the journey of wanting to
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: try to be the best version of yourself you can
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: be so you can be in the fight. Right. Yeah.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: But I would tell you, Chloe that just by like
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: having this conversation with yourself and having with us, you're
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: already in the fight. There's no right way or wrong
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: way to do this. So whatever you need to do
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: to get you where you want to be, so you
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: are ready to take on whatever's going to come your way,
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: do it. And when you think about being the one
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: percent of the small chance of something terrible could happen
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: to you if you want ahead with the weight less
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: our drink, okay, but I mean something terrible could we
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: happen tomorrow, But I wouldn't be afraid. Don't go to
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: the negative place. Do whatever you need to to get
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: to where you want to go and be who you
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: want to be. I didn't do weight loss surgery. It
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: wasn't for me because I mostly I was scared. I mean,
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I have my back teeth taken out what they called
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: your wisdom teeth. That's like my most hardcore surgery. So
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: it wasn't for me, but I understand it's unique for
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: every Weight loss is so personal for people. There's no
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: shame in anything. But I'm so proud of you for
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: showing up for yourself. Thank you. Yeah. I really wanted
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: advice from people who aren't family members because I feel
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: like their opinions are informed by their love for me
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: and wanting me to be safe and not take that risk.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: But I know myself and like it's just something that
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: I've been struggling with truly since fourth grade. Roberta Morales
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: calls me fat, and it's like, okay, that's I know, Roberta. Yeah.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: So I just want to like take this thing away
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: has been torturing me for so long, and I really
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: I want to live, you know, and in so many
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: ways I am. I moved to New York and I'm
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: pursuing stand up and I am like living in a
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: lot of ways, and I feel brave and I love
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: myself in those ways. I feel like if I can
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: do this thing that can just also help me feel
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: like cute and sexy and cool, then like why not
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: and proud proud of yourself, right, that's part of it too. Yeah,
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I got it, um. But I also want you to
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: know just as is, you are just fabulous as it
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: is to you know what I mean, And you you've
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: got to love it yourself right now here today too. Yeah.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I think it's a tricky endeavor to like think of
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: one thing that's going to fix everything, you know, Like
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: people do that with the relationships a lot. They think
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: if they get married, they'll fix the relationship, or if
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: they have a baby, they'll fix the relationship, and that
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: works the opposite way. You know, whatever problems you have
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: are going to be exasperated by thinking that there's a
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: one solution. So what I would say to you is
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: to not look at that is the end all be all.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: I think it's fine if you want to get that
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: surgery done, but you should also work towards that surgery
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: and get yourself into a really healthy place so that
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: you're not just trying to remove whatever you want to
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: remove that you're actually actively pursuing the path that you
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: want to go down, which is one where you feel
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: a little bit more healthy and a little bit more
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: fit right, and you want to be attractive, and that
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: to you means weight loss surgery. But on the way
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: to that surgery, you should actually start taking really good
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: care of yourself, you know, incorporating exercise, incorporating healthier foods,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: and actually mindfully working towards that goal, because it's kind
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: of like going in to get an operation without doing
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: it with the right intention is something that can easily backfire.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: You know, you can gain that weight back if you're
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: not mindful. You can go in and feel great for
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: two months and then just let it all go to ship.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: I've seen people do that. I've seen people get light
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: bo or lap band surgery and then they end up
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: right back where they started. So it's a very intentional
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: thing that you have to be mindful of. These are
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: your goals. You want to feel good about yourself. There's
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that, there's no shame in that. But
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: you have to be on your own team in pursuit
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: of this. You know, you have to get yourself to
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: a place that is ready for the surgery, and you
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: might even start to lose weight and go, wait a second,
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: this isn't as hard as I thought it was going
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: to be, and you might not want the surgery. Do
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: you have the surgery set yet? Yeah? So I actually
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: I had a date and then just in the past
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: few days, I pushed it back a little bit just
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: to give myself more time, Like I'm I quit smoking,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: just to like prepare get my body as healthy as
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: I can be. And then I also pushed it back
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: because I was like, I do want to get to
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: a place of more acceptance and self love before I
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: make that move and like spend more time in this body.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: But also, like you said, be more conscientious of what
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: I'm what I put in my body, get into an
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: exercise routine. And it's hard. Like I was telling Catherine,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: I work full time. I'm an assistant, and then I
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: work a few nights at a comedy club, and then
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: when I'm not doing those things, I'm trying to be
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: at Mike. So like my life feels really chaotic and
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: but still still just trying to be intentional up to
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: that point. Yeah, do you get any exercise in Like
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: are you walking around the city. Yeah, I'm always walking
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: those subway steps get me. I do like soul cycle
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: and I can, but like, yeah, I think just leading
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: up to them. When do you have the surgery set
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: for now? It's the second week of January. Oh, you
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: have plenty of time. You have plenty of time. I
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: think that you should really try to get you know,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: you can download one of those apps like newm that
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: I did that a couple of weeks ago when I
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: had to prepare for a photo shoot. It doesn't matter
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: how you busy you are. The busier I am, the
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: easier it is to beat healthy for me because I
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: have less time to work around and like go, oh,
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I want to actually taco from Taco bell. It's like, no,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I don't I'm gonna have this epics bar or this
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: protein bar or I'm gonna make a shake. So take
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: it mantage of the fact that you're busy and use
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: this time to get ready for the surgery and really
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: start to get develop some healthy habits that will be
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: with you post surgery as well. You want to get
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: in the habit of walking everywhere. You want to get
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: in the habit of eating healthy, not eating ship. Don't
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: eat ship that just makes you feel ship. It's not
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: good for your brain and it's not good for your body.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: And develop all these healthy habits that will take you
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: through the surgery. And not drinking and smoking excellent, do
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: not drink or smoke before surgery. I speak from experience.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: I would also say to just make it a choice
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: by choice, meal by meal thing. Eventually it all adds
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: up and it becomes habit. You know, those choices start
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: become the new normal, and you'll be so shocked how
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: in between now and January, just by your actions and
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: your choices, you're going to see results. Things will happen
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: for you, and you may decide you don't need the surgery.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: But if you want it down the line to get it.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying the way that you're showing up for
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: yourself now having these conversations is impressive and keep it up. Yeah.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I feel like, honestly, once Ice at the date and
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: paid the deposit, I got a second job just to
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: save for it. Like those decisions actually did empounder me
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: to start making healthier decisions now, because it's felt like
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: more real as you're kind of going on this journey
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: and sort of figuring out what's right for you. I
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: have a couple of podcasts that I think would be
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: really helpful for you to listen to. First is Half
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: Size Me with coach Heather. She's one of those people
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: who like fits in one pant leg of her old
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: pants and lost a lot of weight and kept it
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: off for a decade or more. She takes the approach
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: of slow and steady is the only thing that wins
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: the race. It's non judgmental, it's really really helpful, and
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: I just think it's a really great podcast to be
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: listening to. The second one is called Maintenance Phase, and
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: the two hosts of this are incredible journalists, but they
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: go about debunking a lot of wellness and diet culture stuff.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: They talk a lot about and I fat bias. They
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: talk a lot about being healthy no matter your size,
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: and why an individual's health markers are much more important
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: than their weight in a lot of cases. So yeah,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: check out maintenance phase. Take a listen to both of those.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: There's sort of two different perspectives on the same topic,
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: and that's why I think they'd be really helpful for
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: you to listen to sort of at the same time. Yeah,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: thank you. I'm always listening to a podcast. Awesome, perfect.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy to meet you, Chloe, and good luck. Okay,
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: and if I'm ever seeing your headlining somewhere, I'm gonna
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: come see you. Yeah, okay, I'm like five months in
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: great good for you. That's so fucking brave than Yeah, okay,
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: because it's been crazy and I love all. We love
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: you too, Chloe. Thank you, Chloe. All right, we'll talk
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: to you. So, Chloe, I still get that. I still
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: get just being like confused with the weight loss and
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: health and just thinking like where do you even start.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: It's like a big pile of laundry, Like which fucking
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: piece do I fold? I don't even know where to start.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: That's what it feels like. It's just so confusing and daunting.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I used to be so obsessed, obsessed with my weight, obsessed,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: and I'm still not better. I mean, I'm less obsessed,
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: but I still have it, you know what I mean.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Like I'm getting ready for I have a shoot on Saturday,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: and for me to do a shoot, I can't even socialize,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: Like but it's so I mean, I've have so much
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: education and what is good for you that I know
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: exactly what to do. I know to space my meals
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: apart three and a half hours. I know to eat proteins,
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit fat and a little bit of healthy carbs,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: and I know not to drink, and I know not
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: you know, I get that I can look at any
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: picture from any decade and know exactly what I weigh
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: that day. Oh my god, do you wear yourself every
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: day to every day? Every day? When I when I
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: put on I don't. That's when that's when I'm I
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: haven't looked, you know what I mean? When I because
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: you know me, I call myself a weight detective. If
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I lose it, I can always find it again. This
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: time has been different, like because it's been a it's
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: about accountability, you know what I mean. You know, at
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: a certain age, you kind of figure out what behavior
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: is going to suck you up in the long run,
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, right, Well, you've been looking good for
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: a while, though you haven't put on weight in a while, right, No,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: I haven't. It took you long enough to mention it.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. And I do look great, And no,
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: I really am feeling I can't wait to do a
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: reboot of Chelsea later so we can all just hang
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: out and make fun of each other on the round table.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Are we going to do that? Are we in? We're
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: talking about it. We're talking, We're in official discussions. Yes,
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: and we'll see what if the right thing, I don't know.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know where to put this or where at
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: the right places for that, you know. If it's a streamer,
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: feels like network television is over in terms of late
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: night shows, so I don't really want to put myself
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: in that category. I want to, I don't know. I
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: have to figure out if there's a if there's a
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: right fit. But yeah, we're definitely talking about it, all right,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: let's discuss it happy hour. We'll solve it, Okay, we'll
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: solve the world's crisis in a happy hour and then
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: and then I can give you all the dish excellent. Well,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: we're gonna take another quick break and then we'll be
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: right back with Chelsea and Ross and we're back. You
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: know what. Oh my god. Speaking of terrible voices, like
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: when I tried to sing, I was doing a Peloton
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: ABS class yesterday morning and the girl who ran it,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I don't know what her name was, but she started
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: singing and I looked at my phone. It was on
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: my phone. I'm on a mat in my I'm in
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: the rental house in Beverly Hills, and I looked at
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: the phone, going, are you fucking kidding me? You kidding?
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: She just tried to sing along to the song, but
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: her voice was worse than mine. And I looked at
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: her like she was standing next to me, and I
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: was like, excuse me, you can't sing ever again on
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: this app. And then she did it again. And this
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: morning I got up and I was like, all right,
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: which apps class am I gonna do? And I was like,
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: all right, she's out, Like she it's over for her.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: She tried to say, that's the difference between you and me.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, what time are you saying this again tomorrow?
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: Trying to be here well, Ross, this is the part
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: of our show where we ask if you have any
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: advice you'd like from Chelsea. You know, I actually do.
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: One thing I revere about child. I just respect so
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: much about you is that you have no problem like
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: with letting it get uncomfortable with people, You know what
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, Like, if somebody's acting a fool, you'll tell them,
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: If somebody is ad dick, you'll alert them. If somebody's
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: in your space to tell them. I feel like I
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: constantly have to be human lubricants. I'm always just kind
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: of like, Okay, it's gonna be fine, everything's gonna be fine.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get me okay, even if it's not real, Like,
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: how do we become more comfortable with the with the uncomfortable? Honestly,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I believe that there is a lot of dignity in
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: being truthful and direct. It's undignified to pretend that's something's
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: okay when it's not. I feel that way. I feel
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: like if somebody's acting in a weird way, like it's
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: ok there's nice ways to say it and nicer ways
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: to say it. As I've learned over the years, it's
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: not like hey, fucking moron, It's like, hey, is everything okay?
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: What is going on? Or this makes me uncomfortable? Or
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: you seem like you're a little bit out of whack,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: or this dynamic isn't working like it's good to set boundaries.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: People respect that, and I've become much more gentle about
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: my confrontations. You know what I mean, because I have
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: heard you say what what's wrong with you? I've heard
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: you say that course yeah, yeah, so even you have
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: like sort of reformed how you do it. Yeah, because
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: that doesn't feel good to the person. You know, if
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: somebody's acting weird, or somebody's encroaching on your physical space
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: or your personal you know, however they're infringing on you,
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: or that you don't like the way that you feel.
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: There's no shame in saying, hey, I just need you
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: to back up a little bit, or I actually need
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: a minute by myself, or I'm feeling overwhelmed. You know,
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: it depends. If somebody's a really sensitive person, it's always
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: better to put it on yourself and act like it's
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: your problem, not theirs. But if somebody is consistently, you know,
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: causing a problem, or you don't like the way they're behaving. Like.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: There is a lot of dignity in being upfront and saying, hey,
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: this is how this makes me feel. Not you are
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: an asshole, you behave badly. It's like this is not
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: comfortable for me at this point. You know, I had
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: to learn that a lot, especially if somebody is throwing
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: daggers at you and you're in a fight. It is
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: very hard to regain composure because you're in defense mode
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: and nothing in that area ever gets resolved. If two
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: people are going at it, there's no there's not gonna
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: be any come to Jesus moment. But I would say
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: putting up guardrails not to be overly guarded, but putting
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: up guardrails when people have overstepped is a very dignified
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: thing to do, and the person that you do it
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: with will most likely respect you more if it's handled correctly.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: That actually is a is a big thing for me
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: right now when you're saying that, it's like respectful and
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: dignified to be more honest with another person to sort
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: of say, hey, this is the reality, this makes me uncomfortable,
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: or this needs to stop for this as opposed to
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: just like ha ha ha and you move on. It's
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: that's almost like undignified and disrespectful to them. I just
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: find myself as I'm getting older and you know, becoming
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: an adult and things, I find myself needing to have
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: those kind of confrontational moments more often. And I'm tired
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: of like whimping out and and just not doing it
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: like a grown up, you know. So I'm really trying
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: to force myself to have those Wellington quote Bernie Brown
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: calls them courageous conversations, you know, that's what they call them.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: So trying to force myself to do that. Yeah, because
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: there's it is undignified to be fake. That's it. That's
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: the word fake. Right. If we're not addressing it, we're
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: faking it. That's so lame. Yeah, faking is lame. Speaking easily.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, little Chelsea. I know you're unqualified
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: to give advice at all, but you're very good at it. Oh.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: I love you, Ross, I love you. I can't wait
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: to see you. You know what, we should go to
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: that boat place that I love. I don't know what
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I'd go there. Okay, we're gonna figure it out Wednesday night,
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: Happy hour, right, Okay, let's keep that boat place afloat. Okay,
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: we will love you. If you'd like to ask Chelsea
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: for advice, please write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: dot com. We have a special call for submissions this week.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: If you've done any sort of genetic testing and maybe
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: made a discovery about a family member, or found out
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: that your uncle maybe has a secret family somewhere, or
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: you found some health markers related to your DNA that
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: have led you to take certain steps and investigate further,
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: and especially if you'd like advice about what you found
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: out in your DNA analysis, please write into Dear Chelsea
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: And don't forget to check out Hello Ross, a brand
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: new podcast from Ross Matthews, coming September twenty nine.