Latest / The Priestess Temple Podcast / Ep 4: Fuck Masculine & Feminine Relationship Dynamics! Here's What You Need Instead
Transcript
- Embodied By Jenna: Today we are gonna talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. Today we are going to talk about masculine and feminine energetic dynamics and why they are bullshit when it comes to dating and relationships. Today we are going to talk about masculine and feminine energetic dynamics and why they are bullshit when it comes to dating and relationships and what you actually need instead. Y'all, this was the content that I wish existed for a younger version of me about one year ago. I am going to start by telling you a story from my own personal experience. And then I'm going to help you understand the one simple thing that you need when it comes to dating and relationships. So you can call in your dream partner. So I want to start this conversation by saying that people nowadays are having less sex than ever before. The birth rate is at an all-time low. And there seems to be this real war going on between men and women. I hear a lot of my friends who are in their 30s talking about how the dating scene is trash, about how there's no good men on these apps and how they might give up on dating and relationships altogether. And then you have them pointing the finger at men. Right, saying that it's the man's fault, that they're irresponsible, that they're unworthy, da-da-da-da-da. Meanwhile, men are terrified to step up and help women who seemingly don't need or want their help. So there's this real separation between men and women in the dating scene. And you know, if you're in your mid-30s like I am, I'm Completely happy single, but I yearn for a healthy, stable partnership. I really do. I want someone to spend the rest of my life with and maybe have a family one day. I'm not sure, but it's a cool possibility to think about. But the thought of dating literally terrifies me. And I was in a very healthy four year relationship. This relationship was with a man that was kind and calm and really attended to my needs. The only major difference we had in the relationship is that we wanted different things for our lives. And so we ended up splitting. And after I split with that four-year partner in 2022, I went on a string of dating different men. And it turned out Really fucking bad. Like, I'm talking about maybe 15 to 20 different men between the years of 2022 and 2025. Like, I have been through every kind of situation with a man. Let me tell you. ⁓ situationships, being ghosted. I've had men fly me out to Puerto Rico and pay for my whole vacation to just have it crash and burn. I'm talking free concert tickets, dinners, all of these things that men have done to court me, with the end result being a lot of pain and suffering, and honestly, just really negative experiences in these entanglements. And throughout this time, I had become very fearful. Of engaging with the opposite sex because every time I would, I would get hurt. And so I knew that there had to be something going on with me. Okay. I had to get really real with myself because you don't go through a string of like 15 to 20 men and say it's all of them. I'm sorry, ladies. It's not them. It's you. It I'm I'm gonna be honest. It's you, you're the problem. And so I had to take a long hard look at myself and say, okay, what is going on with me that I have been in all of these entanglements that have ended up hurting me? And so I was on Instagram and the kind of content that was coming into my feed was all about masculine and feminine energetic dynamics. And through consuming this type of content, I came to the conclusion that I was in my masculine energy and that I needed to become more feminine. Because if I was in my feminine, then I would attract a masculine man who would therefore want to protect and provide for me and I wouldn't get hurt, right? I would live my happily ever after. And so with these thoughts in my mind, I decided to invest in a dating coach. That I found on Instagram. And as I was working with this dating coach, I was talking to her about boundaries and standards and how I'm not supposed to be the one pursuing, how the man is supposed to be in pursuit and yada yada yada. And because of all of my past painful dating experiences, right? The situationships, being ghosted, trips to the SCD clinic. I made a rule with myself that I was not going to entertain a man unless this man was showing me that he was a hundred and ten percent interested. And so that's what I did. And I wasn't necessarily dating, right? I wasn't on the apps. I wasn't going on dates. But after I made this choice, a man from my ⁓ past that I just met at a festival, he slid into my DMs and We talked a little bit at the festival. It wasn't anything serious, but he was asking me how I was doing and he invited me to another festival where he wanted to pay for my ticket and pretty much just give me this really amazing experience. And so I agreed. I said, okay, you know what? What the hell do I have to lose? I want to go. I want to have fun at this festival over the summer. I will go meet him and I will go check it out, especially because he is in the poo pursuing role. And so I go on a couple of dates with this guy at a campground. And at this campground, they hold a festival pretty much every summer where there's a big fire ceremony and there's drumming, and it's a really cool event. I'll talk about it more in another podcast episode. But pretty much I wanted to go meet him at the grounds before so I could understand what the land looked like, meet some people and make sure that I was safe. And in the times that I went there with him, I went maybe two times before the festival. He was doing all the things, y'all. He was really stepping up. He was planning all of the camping activities. He was bringing the food and preparing it for me. He was making sure I was comfortable when I slept. He was introducing me to all the members of the community, showing me around, just doing all of the things, genuinely expressing his interest in getting. To know me, and it felt really fucking good, especially after going through this horrible string of dating experiences in the previous three years. So we're talking on the phone all the time. We're really getting to know each other. I would say the courting process took about one month, and then the festival comes and it's this big event. And I show up, and literally everybody at the festival was like. ⁓ my God, this guy has been telling me so much about you. Like he's really excited that you're here and he really cares about you. And you know, we're just so happy to see you guys enjoying this event together. And it made me feel really great because everyone there was excited to meet me. He had been telling everybody, and you know, he was just really in that masculine role. And I felt really cherished. In that moment, I felt really safe and just special for lack of a better word. And so we ended up making it official at the fire ceremony during this festival. And we have this beautiful picture of all of the fire burning super bright, going up in flames, and we're embracing, and it was just a very, very special moment. Well From that moment forward, things really began to shift. Because I had finally experienced what I thought felt like my feminine energy for the first time in my life. But it wasn't something that I was able to maintain after the festival was over. Once I entered the relationship, the quote unquote polarity that my dating coach had been talking to me about started. To shift. And he started doing less. I started doing more. We end up going to this other festival down in Florida a few months later. And tensions were running high because we were trying to really meet the demands of the relationship, which both of us were falling short on in our own special way. And I'm gonna keep this short because it'll be a whole other episode. But Basically, we get down to this other festival. He makes the choice to do drugs. And after he does drugs, he has a mental breakdown and starts screaming at me for two days, y'all. Like I'm talking about complete manic episode at the campsite yelling, throwing things, punching the inside of our van. And I sat there and did nothing. Swear to God. I literally sat there and just let it all happen. I pretended like nothing was wrong. I tried to comfort him. I tried to console him. I was just making him food, doing anything I could do to get him to calm down. All of my friends were really concerned for me. And I just went on this spiral, pretty much abandoning myself, trying to meet his needs to get the episode to stop. It didn't stop. And after two days, he ended up driving away from the festival in the van that we had drove down there together in, and he left. And to this day, I have never seen him again. Swear to God, this all occurred from the time that we first started going to the campground to the time that he drove off in the van after his manic episode was four months. Four months for that relationship to go from this high high of me being in my feminine, him being in his masculine, to then a crash and burn manic episode. He drives away from the festival, never to be seen again. And I was like, my gosh. I ended up coming home from the festival early by myself because I was traumatized. I was in shock and in awe of what had happened, especially with how the relationship had started. This man was doing all the things, and I felt feminine for the first time in my life. And so again, I really had to do some deep, deep self reflection because I knew that I was part of the problem. Okay. And this is the first thing I want to say to you, ladies is that if you want to have better relationships. You need to understand the role that you play in the dynamic. Now, once I started to look at myself, I saw, ooh, okay, he was really being. Ooh, okay, he was really being over the top with how he was reacting to the situation at the festival when he had the mental breakdown. And I sat there and did nothing. I allowed this man to abuse me for an extended period of time. And that was something I really had to sit with and say, hmm, okay, this is interesting. And through that self-examination, I realized that it had made me feel a very similar way to how I had felt in childhood. Like in my body, it felt very similar where I was in this situation that was outside of my control. And my response to that situation was to fawn and to pretend like it wasn't going on and to wait for it to stop. And so through this self examination, I decided that I was going to sign up for a somatic therapy program. And in somatic therapy, it all has to do with your emotions and the sensations you're experiencing in your body. And so as I got deeper and deeper into the somatic therapy process, I realized what I was missing this whole time. It wasn't that I was too masculine. It wasn't that I needed to be more feminine. It was simply that I was missing safety in my nervous system. And this is what I want you to understand, ladies. Fuck masculine and feminine energetic dynamics. You need safety. That's it. Point blank period. I'm going to keep this as simple as fucking possible. You need to experience safety in your nervous system in order to keep yourself safe within dating. Because when I look back at that string of 15 to 20 guys that I dated before I had dated my final partner, I never felt safe. I wasn't safe with myself. In my nervous system, I had learned. To equate relationships with danger. And so I was picking these partners that I felt this spark. I felt this rush of endorphins and stress hormones. And I equated that with love. But I knew from the start of all of these men that they were not the man for me. Okay. It was very obvious. And I chose to abandon my own safety. In sought of connection with these men. And so here's what I have to tell you. You need to put your safety above all else when it comes to dating and relationships. Now, how do you do this? Ooh, okay, let's talk about it. There's a few tips I want to give you on. How you can start to create a sense of safety within your own body and mind so that when you enter a dynamic with another person, it's going to help you avoid these patterns of self-abandonment that are so, so common, especially if you've experienced relational trauma in the past. Again, my crazy four-month-long relationship felt. My crazy four-month relationship felt extremely familiar because it was similar to the environment I grew up with in my childhood. And it was only through somatic therapy and experiencing safety in my own body and mind that I could start to unpack why some of the things that happened in that relationship were problematic and understand how to prevent them moving forward. So the first thing you need to do. You need to get really fucking real with yourself about what you want and what you don't want. I am such a big fan of desire based wellness for this reason. In order to keep yourself safe with a man, you need to know what qualities you're looking for in a man. So the first step is writing down 20 qualities that you desire to have in a partner. Now, this can be a little bit tricky. So I want you to really take your time and sit with this and think. What do you value? Do you value consistency? Do you value good communication, honesty? ⁓ you know, those are just a couple baseline qualities, but I think they're very important to think about. Now, once you have your list, I want you to then take those 20 qualities and I want you to turn it back on to yourself. Okay, I want you to get really, really real with yourself and ask yourself: do I embody these 20 qualities that I look for in a partner? Ooh, the first time I did this, I'm gonna tell you, I did not embody all of the qualities on the list. But this gave me a really good starting point to understand where I needed to do the work to call in my dream partner because. We are like magnets. We attract what we emit. And so because I was not being safe with myself, right? In these dynamics with men, I was attracting unsafe men for me. And so leaning into your desire, writing down what the fuck you want, and then asking yourself, Am I that? Now, not saying that you need to be perfect or not saying that you need to embody every single quality on these lists, right? Because I think. Your partner can compliment you and bring to the table maybe some things that you do not possess. But I think having these 20 desirable, valuable qualities is a really good starting place for you to reflect on your own internal world. The next thing we do is we start to embody the qualities that maybe we're lacking a little bit of so that we can be a magnet for the partner that we desire. Through doing this internal work, you can really make a shift in the types of people that you attract into your life. So now this is the tricky part. When you are in a dynamic with another person, communication is key. Now that you have your list of desires and you're working on embodying them, when you go on a first date, you want to really be checking off those qualifications and seeing does this partner make The list. If they do, heck yes, that's incredible. If they don't, ooh, girl, you gotta start to be real honest with yourself because there's no shame in wanting what you want. I think society really makes us feel like we can't have everything that we want, but you can. And how you do this is through clear and consistent communication. So if there's something that happens on a date where you feel a little off in your body, you're like, ooh, okay, whatever he just said gave me the ick. Or he did something that I don't like, right? You don't have to ghost him. You don't have to just completely stop dating. No, you have to have a fucking conversation about it and go to him as a real person and say, hey, this thing. made me feel a little bit off. And I just want to talk to you about it so we can come to a greater understanding of what each other needs and how this makes us feel, right? Because we're entering this new relationship. And people aren't really gonna know about your standards or your values unless you tell them, unless you unless you tell them and teach them. So this is a great opportunity For you to express your needs and desires so you can get them met. Then the person has an opportunity to step up and meet that standard or desire. This is when you have to be really, really real with yourself, okay? Because we've all given men second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth chances. Okay. And no, that we're not doing that anymore. Mm-mm. Not in 2026, okay? You need to be really real with yourself and say, here's my standard. I communicated that standard. That standard is either being met or it's not. If it's being met, fuck yeah. Continue within the dynamic. That's amazing. If it's not, it's a fuck no. It's a fuck no. You teach people how to treat you through your actions. And through your communication. And so it's very important that you continue to uphold these standards in order to keep yourself safe. It's so common with a history of relational trauma to abandon ourselves to receive love. I understand it deeply because when I look back at that string of men and at that relationship that ended in a total dumpster fire, I wasn't being honest with myself. I really wasn't. I abandoned my standards. To receive the connection. And it was unsafe. It was very unsafe for me to do so. And in those experiences, I got burned. I did. So finally, the last thing you need to do is you need to be more of a bitch. This is what bad bitch embodiment is all about. It is about women who. Owning their desires and claiming them unapologetically. So again, you write your list, you communicate your desire, and you evaluate. You evaluate the behavior. And if the behavior isn't up to your standard, well then bye-bye. See you later. I'm done here. I'm walking away. Because the truth is, babe, you can have everything you motherfucking want, but you have to claim it and you have to stand firm. The universe does not respond to wishy-washy requests. You need to be certain. And so, through embodying your bad bitch energy, you say, Hey, this is what I'm here for. And this is what I am not here for. And I walk the fuck away when I do not feel safe. Women have been taught to abandon themselves and their desires for as long as I can remember. Women have been taught to abandon themselves and their desires for centuries. And it's a way that the patriarchy controls women and keeps them from claiming their true power. And so now in 2026, guess what? Women are waking up. We're not here for the bullshit. We're not here for being in relationships that are just so so, okay. We have more opportunities than ever before. And it's not that we need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled, right? It's that we desire to be in relationships so that we can have someone with us to share in all of the good things that we have already cultivated in our lives. So I want you to be big. I want you to be bold. I want you to be bad. And I want you to be bitchy and defend. Defend the territory that is your body, mind, and spirit at all costs. You do not need to be less masculine and more feminine. No, you need to be more of a bitch and you need to keep yourself safe.