Latest / Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast / Breakthrough Year 2026: The Power of Minding Your Business

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Breakthrough Year 2026: The Power of Minding Your Business · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

0:13
Music Welcome back to rise and thrive with Doctor J Nicole the
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space where we rise in faith and thrive and purpose.
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Today's episode is very special because it brings together an
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entire social media series into one grounded conversation.
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This is about 2026 being the year of you minding your
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business. And this is not in a dismissive
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way, not in a stay in your land kind of way, but in a deeply
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healing, faith aligned, intentional, emotionally mature
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way. This episode is for the people
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who are tired. Tired of carrying things that
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aren't theirs, tired of managing emotions that don't belong to
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them. Tired of feeling responsible for
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everything and everyone. If you are preparing for a
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breakthrough year, this conversation is for you.
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So let's first get into this. What does minding your business
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really look like? So minding your business is not
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about disengagement, appearing aloof, being unbothered.
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It's really and truly about alignment.
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From a therapeutic lens, minding your business is emotional
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regulation. It's knowing where you end and
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where someone else begins. From a faith perspective, it's
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secure attachment to God. It's trusting that God can
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handle outcomes without you micromanaging them.
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And when we don't mind our business, we're usually over
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functioning, overcommitting, people pleasing, anticipating
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reactions, managing moods and emotions, balancing or excuse
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me, bracing for disappointment and your body, it pays the
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price. Here's the simplest example.
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When you stop managing other people's emotions, your nervous
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system finally gets to rest. It's not selfish, it's wisdom.
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Now, why does 2026 require a different version of you?
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Well, Simply put, you cannot go into 2026 the same way you came
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into 2025, OK? And you cannot enter into a
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breakthrough year with survival habits. 2026 does not need a
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more productive version of you and needs a more regulated
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version of you. A version of you that knows when
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to say no without guilt. A version of you that does not
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confuse urgency with importance. There is a difference.
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Breakthroughs are not about effort alone.
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They're about identity shifts. Some of what you tolerated in
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past seasons was because you didn't yet know what was
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available to you. But once you know better, you're
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responsible for choosing better and doing better.
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So why is it hard to mind your business?
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I know we all at some point or another have struggled with this
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and some of us are chronic non minding our business.
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Some of us are chronically minding the business of others
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like it's a paid job. But let's normalize this.
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If you struggle to mind your business, it's not because
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you're controlling your dramatic.
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It's often because you learn this early in life as a tool for
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survival, right? So you learned early to over
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function. You were emotionally
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parentified, so you had to grow up more quickly.
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You had to take on responsibility in the home.
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You didn't get to just be a child.
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You learn to scan environments for safety, to identify threats.
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You learned that being useful meant you were connected.
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That was a way to get favor sometimes too for people.
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And so you take it with you because it worked in that
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season. What you also need to recognize
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too is that these are trauma informed adaptations.
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Yep, I said it. But what kept you safe once can
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keep you stuck now. And healing doesn't shame those
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patterns. Healing updates them, right?
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So we can take a look at it and recognize that we need to
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change. And like, yes, it was helpful
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before and prior seasons, but now it's hurting you.
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It might even be hurting people you love.
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No, you're allowed to release any type of coping skills that
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no longer serve your adult life. You don't have to keep doing it
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just because it's what you've always been doing.
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And I want to encourage you to be curious, to think about what
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do you need and from there to develop some new, healthier
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coping skills, OK, Minding your business and friendships.
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This, this is this is tough, OK? Because friendships is where
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things get entangled. And sometimes when we don't mind
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our business, our friendships suffer.
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Or sometimes they just break down.
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So when you don't mind your business and friendships, you
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can become the emotional storage unit.
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You're the one that everyone goes to.
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They pile their stuff on. You know, this might be the
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strong friend. They forget to ask you how
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you're doing, or they call you when they need things and when
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they're done. OK, well, I got to go.
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And they haven't even asked you about you, right?
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But this is where you also got to speak up.
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And you can't allow people to do that.
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That's where boundaries come into play.
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But minding your business allows friendships to be balanced and
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in some cases rebalance because it's natural that in different
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seasons, there are going to be different levels of need for
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support, whether you know, whatever the support looks like
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at that time. And so that doesn't mean the
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moment they need more from you. I'm the emotional storage unit.
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I'm not saying that we have to walk the middle path.
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We're not going to do the black and white all or nothing here,
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OK? But just leave room and like,
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pay attention. Have those conversations now.
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Romantic relationships and dating.
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This is another place of minding your business is hard because
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it's a whole lot of y'all out there playing detective on
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people's social media profiles and coming up with stories and
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conclusions about things. And sometimes you're right.
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However, you're not minding your business.
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You're not allowing it to unfold organically.
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You're not getting context from the source.
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We have to be vulnerable and have conversations and ask hard
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questions. But again, that's one of those
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outdated coping skills. Remember we talked about trying
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to identify threats When you go digging in people's social
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media, that's what you're doing, right?
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It's an attempt to keep you safe.
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But sometimes you might be keeping yourself out of a
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potentially healthy relationship.
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So minding your business. In dating, it looks like
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observing behaviors. Notice us have behaviors, not
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just social media patterns because they're a real person.
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We're not interpreting and decoding potential or text
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messages, their words and splitting them and looking for
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all this other meeting. Just ask the question you need
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to ask and a lot of times is it your filter that's requiring the
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decode, requiring the decoding could be you.
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Also, we want to make sure we're not trying to manage the
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emotional emotional momentum. Let things progress organically
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and naturally. And the only thing you can
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really and truly regulate is yourself.
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So if something's happening and you don't like the pace at which
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the relationship is moving emotionally, say something.
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Hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you, but this part feels
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a little bit fast. It will feel better if right
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instead of doing you doing too much.
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They have no idea what they've done wrong.
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And I think we all, you know, we can benefit from the feedback
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and dating because we've none of us have done this life thing
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before. This is the first time you're
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doing this first time you're dating that person doesn't
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matter how many relationships you've had.
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And also we're not working so hard to force clarity.
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I do want you to, however, be curious, ask the questions, but
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if it's too much work to get it, that means a person doesn't want
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it to be clear. And so then this may be where
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you say, hey, I really value clarity and understanding.
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So I don't make up stories or fill in the blanks.
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And that means a lot to me. And if you are not able, if
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you're not able to, you know, express that, then maybe we're
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not aligned or maybe we we should take a beat, you know,
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because sometimes people don't want to give you clarity for a
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reason, because it benefits them for you to be unclear about
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whatever their thing is. And you want to date with
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discernment. And this requires, you know,
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stillness and ease. Now minding your business
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professionally, now this is you could be an entrepreneur, but
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minding your business still matters, right?
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So professionally, this looks like we're not absorbing any
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workplace chaos. Stay out of it.
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That's not your business. It doesn't matter who's doing
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what. What happened when did you see
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this? Because yeah, it's always going
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to be something because messy humans are involved.
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We're just messy, y'all. But every day, every moment is a
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new opportunity to try to be better.
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And a great place to start is being mindful of what you're
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taking in. So avoid that chaos.
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And that trickles right over into protecting your creativity.
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Creativity, all of us. Let's be clear, we are created
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in God's image. And the first thing that we know
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that God did was create, created the heavens and earth, right?
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And he took us through the whole process.
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So we all are creatives, so you have to protect that.
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And so minding your business is protecting that creative energy.
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So you're going to stay out of unnecessary drama.
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We're not going to overwork to prove our worth or our value.
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We're not going to go out of our way, like overextend to connect
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with people, to try to get people to like us.
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I'm not saying don't talk to people.
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I'm not saying don't form relationships.
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But you know, when you're Spearing your energy, if it's
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feeling rushed, if it's feeling pressured, or if it's just like
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so much energy and it's taking away from you doing your actual
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job, you are not minding your business.
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And I want you to know that peace is also a professional
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skill, OK? OK, so let me give you some
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practical tools that you can actually use.
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OK? So the best one and the easiest
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1, you can do this literally right now.
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That's the ownership question. Is this mine?
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That's it. Is this mine?
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It's likely not. And just because you may have
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the solution, the idea to address whatever The thing is,
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it does not mean that you should because then you are actively
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showing, you're actively signing up for a task.
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You're like, well, I just wanted to share.
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They're like, oh, well, great, you do it.
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You got the vision. They want the person with the
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vision to do it. So if you don't have the
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capacity to do it and you don't really have a desire, then
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don't. OK, is this my?
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I also want you to work on those boundary breaths, right where
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when you inhale, you're reminding yourself it's not
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mine. And you exhale, you say release.
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So you're releasing the thing that is not yours and you can
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name it. It's important to name it
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because then it sends your brain the message to not run that
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play. It's not mine.
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I release, fill in the blank. OK, Now this next one, the
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sacred no. And that's looks like saying I
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don't have the capacity for that doesn't mean that you don't
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really want to, doesn't mean that you don't like the idea or
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you're not excited about the invitation.
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It simply means I don't have the capacity for that.
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And you can do a number of things at this point.
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It could just be a no, I don't have the capacity for it.
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It could be AI don't have a capacity for it right now.
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Can I check back with you on Friday to see where you are?
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Or you say my schedule looks better on Thursday for this
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thing. And then you've allowed them to
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decide if they want to move on and find someone else to help or
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if they're going to abandon the project altogether.
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So something else to really be curious about.
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When people are asking things of you, sometimes they're they're
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automatically banking on you saying yes, they asked you
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because they thought you would say yes.
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Makes sense, right? And sometimes they just want to
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pass it over to you to get it done.
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So I know I had that experience prior to being in
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entrepreneurship where things kept getting placed on my plate.
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Things were being asked of me. And you can do some of these
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things for a short period of time.
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And so in some of the instances where I said yes and I did did
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well with the yes because it was a time bound thing.
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But then it became an expectation that I always do
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this thing. And I had to have a very frank
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conversation with my supervisor at the time, who was like vice
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president level right to say, hey, this is not sustainable
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long term. So I need your help to tell me
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what you'd like me to prioritize because I can't do it all.
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And when we initially discussed this, this is what we said.
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And so it opened up this conversation and it turned into,
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well, what do you need? And then we were able to
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negotiate and I was able to hand some things back or such and
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such can do that, OK, Figure out someone else for to do these
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other things so that I could focus on the thing that was
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truly important. And all too often, many of us
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are running ourselves into the ground rather than engaging in
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the sacred no, or it's cousin, negotiating.
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So sometimes you have to negotiate to mind your business.
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OK. And then next, the pause.
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There's so much value in a pause to take a beat.
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It's an opportunity for you to catch your breath.
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It's an opportunity for you to think, an opportunity to
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regulate your emotions, to allow some breaths in right, 'cause
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when we're too worked up, we become dysregulated in our brain
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does not function as logically if we're emotionally
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dysregulated. So take a moment.
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Sometimes you don't have to respond to that e-mail right
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away. You don't have to respond to the
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text immediately. You don't have to call back the
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very next second. I always recommend to clients to
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think about what their current reality supports, not what
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people are expecting of them. What does my current reality
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support And to go from there because that allows for you to
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be able to operate authentically.
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OK, so these are not just tools, but these are new habits for
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safety, to help keep your nervous system regulated, to
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help you show up as a better version of you and for people to
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receive and experience this better version of you.
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And when you mind your business, believe it or not, you have a
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lot more to give. You're able to operate from
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overflow. You're able to let your yeses be
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yes and your noes be noes. You're respected more because
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people now see your time as valuable.
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When people have too much access because you're minding their
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business, they can easily take you for granted or expect things
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that you never set or intended to be a standard.
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OK, so minding your business is change.
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And with change there comes resistance and there comes
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barriers or push back, right? People are going to notice that
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you're minding your business. And some of them, they might not
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like it, they might have a hard time adjusting.
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Doesn't mean that they don't care about you, doesn't mean
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that they don't love you. They're just like, what's this?
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And this is not what I was expecting, right?
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So they also need time to adjust.
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And we want them to notice. OK, We want them to notice.
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Now where it gets hard is that minding your business also means
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you can't manage how they feel. And for some of them, they might
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interpret it as abandonment. It might feel like
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inconvenience. Some of them might even try to
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guilt trip you or you know that that that classic.
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Oh, you change now. You too good for us now.
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Indicators that you've changed and this is nothing you said.
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The reality is if they are projecting onto you, they do
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feel abandoned, right? And that's probably their truth.
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It's likely tied to something from a prior season in their
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life where other people have left them or they've not risen.
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And sometimes they're afraid to rise because they think that
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means they'll leave others behind.
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When it's a choice, all of us have the choice to rise and it
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doesn't have to be this big huge thing, just making healthier
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decisions. And some do, not just to be in
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community, but it's a community that then you'll never feel
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comfortable in because it's not a community that accepts you at
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your fullest, that's not threatened by your growth.
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And you're not doing any of us any favors by playing small.
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And let's be clear, just because they try to guilt trip you, it
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does not mean that you've done something wrong.
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It's just confirmation. It's confirmation of your
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growth. And when that happens, let them.
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If they move away from you, if they pull away from you, let
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them. Let them lose you because that
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was their choice. And I know that sounds scary,
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downright terrifying even. But they made a choice, not you.
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And the more you try to hold on to and preserve that
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relationship, they'll lose respect for you.
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You will be misused, mishandled, and abused.
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You have to let people adjust. An adjustment can look like them
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adapting to the new version of you, giving them time.
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It could also look like letting them lose you again choice, but
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you, you can leave space for that.
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And sometimes people, they need a pause.
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It can take them a long time to come back.
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Or I've experienced that in past friendships where things broke
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down, I thought I did something wrong and I was working to
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repair the friendship and wanted the friendship and finally got
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to the point where it was just like I didn't do anything.
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What am I fixing? Where I let them, I took my
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hands off of it. I minded my business.
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And you know what happened? My absence required them to look
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at themselves. It was painful every single
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time. I've experienced this, but in my
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absence, they grew. When you mind your business,
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you're no longer enabling certain behaviors in people.
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You're no longer standing in the gaps.
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They have to learn to figure things out.
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They have to learn to hop over the puddle where you were there
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prior before to say, hey, watch out for that puddle.
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They have to learn it on their own.
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And it's not punishment. It's not punishment.
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It's growth. And in doing so, that lead that
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led to actually like reconciliation in the end where
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they came back around, we had a conversation.
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They took ownership of their parts.
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Apologies were even issued and I had gotten to the point where I
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was just like, OK, I guess I'll let it be what it's going to be.
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And it was actually a really beautiful thing to see that they
20:50
grew. Now, what would have happened if
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I stayed in that gap? I would have been emotionally
20:56
beaten down. I would have felt disregarded.
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Resentment could have built. There's so many things that can
21:04
come out of not minding your business.
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And I want you to know you do not have to shrink to keep
21:11
connections. And if you do, it's not a
21:14
genuine connection, OK? When you truly mind your
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business, you will find peace or peace finds you.
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And it will get deeper. Your clarity will sharpen.
21:28
You'll have more discernment, you'll be more balanced.
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Your body will react. You don't even have to work to
21:34
identify the threats. You'll have the capacity to take
21:37
things as they come and respond in the moment.
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So you're not even having to be prepared because that nervous
21:45
system is at ease. So that means you have it.
21:48
You're from moving, from operating, from overflow, and
21:53
ultimately your relationships improve.
21:56
And then you'll get to show up in a way that's beneficial to
21:59
whomever you're in relationship with.
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And that discernment gets stronger and stronger and your
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emotional intelligence, it goes up and that creates a ripple in
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your environment. When you mind your business, you
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not only heal yourself, you heal your communities, you heal your
22:20
relationships, the ones that made her through the adjustment
22:23
period anyway, because you're showing people a different way
22:27
of doing things. And then they can see it on you.
22:31
They'll see the glow, they'll see the productivity in your
22:36
life, they'll see you elevating, they'll see your skin glowing,
22:41
they'll see you losing weight. They just see, like all of a
22:44
sudden you just have a aura about you.
22:48
They'll see it, they'll experience it, and they'll get
22:51
curious. So minding your business, it
22:54
gives others permission to do the same and it inspires them to
23:00
do the same and motivates them to do the same because they knew
23:05
the version of you that didn't mind your business and what your
23:09
struggles were. And they can see that those
23:11
things are no more minding your business.
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This is what emotional maturity looks like.
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So 2026 doesn't require more hustle, it requires more
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alignment. And alignment starts when you
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decide to no longer abandoned yourself.
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Not minding your business is self abandoning.
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It's self sabotage, it's self betrayal.
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And we're not doing that. In 2026 is the year where you
23:44
mind your business. 2026 is your year for Breakthrough. 2026 is
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your year to give yourself and others the permission to rise.
23:57
I want to thank you for tuning in for another episode of Rise
24:00
and Thrive with Doctor J Nicole where we are Rising in Vade and
24:04
Thriving in Purpose. If this has blessed you, leave
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Don't keep it to yourself. Make sure you share it.
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If this benefited you and you know people that this will
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benefit, please share it with them.
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And also, if you'd like to book a session for coaching, I'm
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accepting clients nationwide. So you can go to
24:39
www.evolveadoctorjnicole.com and we can work on coaching you to
24:45
mind your business and make 2026 a breakthrough year for you.
24:49
Thank you for tuning in and I'll see you next week.