Latest / CALL ME MISTRESS / FIRST LOVES AS THEY SLOWLY FALL APART

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FIRST LOVES AS THEY SLOWLY FALL APART · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:08
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.
0:11
I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and I've got with me the
0:15
fabulous Kinky Kylie. Hi.
0:19
Hey, kinky Kylie. Hi.
0:21
Don't you just love how it just rolls off your tongue?
0:24
Kylie, Kylie, Kylie like mistress.
0:29
Yours is better than mine, but that's OK.
0:32
It's. It's they're, they're close in
0:34
competition, OK. I'll give you that.
0:39
So Kylie, you and I were having a discussion the other day and
0:43
we were like, you said something about someone's name.
0:46
And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:47
What? Yes.
0:49
OK, so this episode is going to be completely dedicated to love
0:54
Lost of our high school sweethearts.
0:56
High school sweethearts. Or our wannabe high school
0:58
sweethearts. Yeah, more.
1:00
More like wannabes. Yeah, because.
1:02
Because not one of them worked out.
1:03
Neither one of them did, but all happened for a reason.
1:06
It brought us to where we're at. Yeah, right.
1:09
Yeah. OK, so tell me Kylie, tell me
1:11
your story. So me and Cole, now Cole isn't
1:16
his isn't her real name. So that's why I'm going to use
1:19
it, because it isn't her real name, it's only what I called
1:21
her. OK, so Once Upon a time.
1:23
So Once Upon a time, Cole. Was a genetic female.
1:26
Cole is still a female. Still a female.
1:28
Has always been female. OK, They, she went through a
1:32
transition where she was gonna be trans and she had started
1:35
down that path. But then she figured out that
1:37
she didn't, she wasn't really trans, she just enjoyed being
1:39
masculine a lot. So now she's just a masculine
1:41
feminine, a masculine female. OK, She had started going down
1:44
that route and she had, you know, but I checked on her a
1:46
couple last year and she was back to being completely female.
1:49
You know, she never did start on hormones or anything like that,
1:51
but she did play around with it for a while.
1:54
So is she now a Butch lesbian? Yes.
1:56
OK, Yeah. So she's a.
1:57
Masculine lesbian now? Yeah.
1:58
OK a masculine bisexual so I've said before I primarily day
2:03
bisexuals. She was the first bisexuals.
2:06
So anyways we met freshman year of high school.
2:09
We ended up in the same PE class together.
2:11
We met only the 3rd or 4th day of school in the line to get our
2:14
uniforms for PEI was a freshman, she was a junior.
2:17
She was actually a held back junior.
2:19
So she was actually 19 when I met.
2:21
When we met, we hung out every single day in PE.
2:24
And then we started, we discovered that we for both
2:27
buses and we both went to the same side of the school for the
2:30
buses because you either went to the Northside or the South side
2:31
of the school for the buses, depending on where you, you know
2:34
your route. And we were both South side
2:37
buses. So we would meet up after
2:39
seventh period and walks the bus together.
2:41
Then eventually we actually started meeting up before
2:43
school. We had there was lockers in the
2:45
hallway that led to the cafeteria.
2:47
And we would meet outside the cafeteria, the breakfast area
2:49
and sit by these two specific lockers.
2:52
And that's where we sat and hung out.
2:54
We would hang out in the morning and then we would have PE
2:56
together, which I think with PE was either like fourth or fifth
2:59
period for us, and then we would have seventh period.
3:02
We would, after seven period, would meet up and watch the
3:03
buses. We were really good.
3:04
We got really good friends. But honestly, The funny thing
3:07
is, is the first time I met her, she talked my ear off for an
3:09
entire hour the entire time we were in.
3:13
She annoyed the heck out of me for the first four days.
3:17
I knew this woman. She annoyed the hell out of me.
3:20
And so friendship continued. She finally stopped annoying me
3:24
and just started kind of being like a comfort and she was there
3:26
someone to talk to because I was in PE class by myself because
3:29
all my friends were on color guard and so they didn't take
3:31
PE. So I was in PE by myself and we
3:33
got really close. She started giving me chocolates
3:35
on the way. She would bring chocolates with
3:36
her to school and she'd keep them in her book bag and she
3:38
would give me little the little square Hershey chocolates on the
3:41
way to the bus every single day. We that routine from August to
3:44
February. In February, she moved to so we
3:48
went from seeing each other every day to not being stay with
3:50
each other at all. And we talked on Facebook
3:54
Messenger. We had, we texted each other
3:55
sometimes too, but we mostly talked on Facebook Messenger and
3:58
we would talk for hours. I mean, I would put my phone in
4:01
my bra because I've always wore sports bras and I would put them
4:04
in my sports bra and I would have the phone sitting here and
4:06
we would just talk and sometimes be silent.
4:08
We would just exist on the phone together for hours and hours and
4:11
hours. Now, of course, this was back
4:13
before I was admitting that I was gay.
4:15
This was, I was 15. I didn't come out of the closet
4:17
till I was 17, a couple months after I was 17.
4:19
So for the first two years, she was very much wanting a
4:22
relationship, obviously with the chocolates and the talking and
4:25
the really good friendship. But I was not willing to admit
4:27
that I was gay. For my 16th birthday I went mud
4:29
rotting and my mom went and picked her up from Texas,
4:31
brought her back so that we could go mud rotting together.
4:33
So let me reiterate this too. You were 15 and she was 19.
4:37
Yes, OK. That's pretty substantial
4:39
because she was a legal adult. Yeah, it gets worse.
4:41
All right. OK.
4:43
Just clarification. Just clarification, yes she was
4:45
a legal adult when we met now. So when she came into my house
4:48
for the 16th birthday, she ended up staying a full week.
4:51
She was only supposed to stay three days.
4:52
She ended up staying a full week.
4:53
During that time we played Sims together.
4:55
Sims free play on our tablets. We spent a lot of time together.
4:59
We cleaned the floors, did chores, all kinds of stuff.
5:01
Learned that people can be allergic to bleach.
5:03
Didn't know that until till then.
5:05
OK. Yeah, she's allergic to bleach.
5:08
So she kind of mentioned the aspect that she was looking at
5:11
me in that, you know, romantic light.
5:13
And I was like, there are just some things you can't be because
5:16
back then I was very, very conservative Christian and
5:18
didn't think I thought gay was a sin.
5:20
Couldn't imagine doing it like very bad.
5:23
My eyes are bulging out of my skull right now, but go ahead.
5:26
Yeah, Mia's face just went home. Yeah, go ahead.
5:30
So yeah, I love Mia so much guys, you don't believe me,
5:38
y'all should. So we were having a blast.
5:43
It was a very fun week. Well, she went back to she went
5:45
back home. Life continued as normally.
5:47
Then the next year I had or that that next year I had something
5:51
really, you know, my life kind of took a complete and total
5:53
turn around, you know, pretty much lost a lot and then it was
5:56
just a really, really bad, bad year.
5:58
It's really when my life went from, you know, normal, chaotic
6:00
something that you could probably just go whatever to in
6:03
August. I came out of the I said, you
6:04
know what, I'm a lesbian. Fuck it, this is just who I am
6:07
now. This is who I am.
6:09
So I've always been and you're going to accept it or you're
6:11
going to leave, you know, basically.
6:12
Well, after I decided that I decided, you know, I love Cole.
6:16
I'd loved Cole for a long time. We're really, really close
6:19
friends, still really, really good.
6:21
She was an amazing person. I thought time so I decided to
6:24
date her. We did long distance dating for
6:27
from November 9th to December. Her birthday was November 10th.
6:31
OK, This is why I remember these days is because of her birthday.
6:33
She turned 21 on the 10th. I was 1717 and 21.
6:39
OK. All right, I'm taking this in.
6:42
Go ahead, keep note. You're taking a second to take
6:45
it in. So we dated then.
6:47
And then I got scared that my mom was going to find out
6:49
because I was doing it without my mom's permission.
6:50
She did not want me anywhere near Cole.
6:52
She thought Cole was a bad person.
6:53
She didn't. You know, She was like, no,
6:55
you're not dating Cole. Well, we did it anyways.
6:57
We dated from November to December.
6:58
But I was afraid that my mom was going to find out.
7:00
So I broke it off. Well, me and her argued.
7:03
Me and Cole argued the entirety of December just about over the
7:07
fact that I'm being too scared. I was being weak.
7:09
I wasn't having a backbone. I should stand up to my mom.
7:12
I should know what I want. Yeah, 17.
7:15
I love that. OK, go ahead.
7:16
That's cute. So she continues out in
7:20
February, we get back together. January things come down.
7:23
February we get back together and we were together again,
7:26
almost finished college, still involved and still talking to
7:29
her. I would still call her.
7:31
I would, you know, kind of sleep around, try to forget about her
7:35
and it would always end up with, you know, me calling her at the
7:37
end of the night. It was is I wanted to cut it off
7:39
because I knew it was bad for my mental health.
7:41
Like I could feel a mental health declining being connected
7:43
to her. I blocked her on everything but
7:45
I didn't block her mom. Sure.
7:47
Three days go by and her mom calls me and says that she's
7:50
locked herself in her bedroom and has not eaten since I
7:53
blocked her. She she basically was going to
7:55
starve herself because I no longer wanted to be involved
7:59
with her. So I unblocked her on
8:01
everything, continued the conversations, went back to
8:03
things. We were couple of weeks later,
8:06
she was having one of her bad days.
8:10
I was not entertaining her enough.
8:11
So she says I'm just going to end it all.
8:13
I was in the middle of a debate tournament, my second debate
8:15
tournament. When she did that, I lost every
8:17
round because I was crying so bad.
8:19
Jesus Christ. Was really bad.
8:21
God. Bless.
8:22
OK. Yeah.
8:23
So basically anytime I wanted to cut it off or anytime I wanted
8:26
to do something that was beneficial for me instead of
8:28
her, she would try to kill herself or or say she.
8:31
Was going to. And it was really bad.
8:33
Finally, I decided I was in therapy for like a lot of my
8:37
therapy sessions were because of her.
8:39
Even back in high school, one of my therapists said that she was
8:41
like a barbed wire fence. Anyways, a senior year of
8:44
college. OK.
8:45
Keep in mind this has been going on since freshman year of high
8:48
school, so this is almost eight years.
8:50
Wow, Yeah, I'm I'm hearing this. Go ahead.
8:53
Yeah. Almost 8 years.
8:55
I had a procedure coming up. I had to do a medical procedure,
8:59
OK, And I was talking to her about it.
9:01
And then after I was talking to who was now my ex, my ex wanted
9:06
to date. We had been like messing around,
9:09
been talking about it and been like joking about it from
9:12
freshman year to senior year of college, but we had never
9:15
actually done anything about it. We both knew we had crushes on
9:18
each other. We both knew that we had got
9:19
along, but neither one of us really wanted to take that step.
9:21
But her main reasoning for not taking that step was because I
9:24
was so involved with Cole. Clearly.
9:26
Yeah. Yeah.
9:26
So I finally figured if I wanted to try to be in a different
9:29
relationship, if I wanted to move on from this, if I really
9:32
wanted to get away from Cole, I was going to have to end the
9:35
stuff with Cole. I was going to have to lock
9:37
everything up and date someone that truly wants me to be around
9:40
or at the time thought that she truly wanted me around.
9:43
So I told her. I said off a long message like,
9:45
OK, I'm cutting you off. This is it.
9:47
There's no more. I'm not going to leave a door
9:49
open. I'm not leaving a window open.
9:50
This is it. And everything, everything went
9:52
off without a hitch. But I cut her off before she
9:54
even knew whether or not I went through that procedure OK or not
9:57
because I just couldn't hold on those weeks.
9:59
And then three weeks later started dating Izzy.
10:01
Then that started the the year of Izzy, almost a year.
10:04
Yeah, so Kylie, we have discussions quite often, you and
10:08
I, and it's all about toxic relationships and how you have a
10:12
tendency to date controlling, manipulative people.
10:15
And that's probably why you liked that one relationship
10:18
really, really well because yeah, that was the one person
10:22
who wasn't controlling A manipulative.
10:24
That's why. Ding, Ding, Ding.
10:26
Oh, I know. Wow, well aware.
10:28
I know you're more so aware because you went through this,
10:31
but me on the other hand, I was like, why is it she's so
10:34
obsessed with her? Why, Why, why, why?
10:36
I mean, I know she's a great person, but it's like why, why,
10:39
why, why? I'm like, oh, wait a minute.
10:41
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's not really fucked up and
10:44
crazy, Yeah. She's not completely insane.
10:48
Yeah, Jesus, Oh my God. Okay, so this is the thing.
10:54
Our female listeners have gone up a little bit.
10:58
They've gone from like 20% to 35%.
11:03
It's pretty substantial. That's pretty good.
11:05
Yeah, pretty cool, pretty cool, right?
11:06
So these poor men have to listen to this bullshit we're spilling
11:10
right now. But men, this is the thing.
11:12
You are ogres and pigs and you're like me like pussy, me
11:17
like sex. I'm easy, I'll marry a bitch.
11:20
That's how men think, right? I mean, we were having
11:23
discussion with that, that new slave.
11:26
Yes. He's super cool, nice guy, but
11:28
it's like every relationship he was in, they were all fucking
11:31
cunts. And all the fucking cunts that
11:34
he's been in a whole 3 fucking relationships, they all took
11:38
advantage of them all took him and raped him for his money.
11:41
And now you were in all these relationships where they all
11:45
raped you emotionally. Yeah, yeah.
11:50
Wow. OK.
11:52
And I'm still getting involved in relationships.
11:54
You're. Still getting involved in
11:55
relationships that do it Exactly.
11:59
And you're actually giving them permission to rape you in a
12:02
consent, non consent. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:05
So now you're having it both ways, emotional and physical
12:09
torment. Good for you.
12:11
God bless you're doing. Great, aren't they?
12:12
Oh, you're fucking fabulous, Yeah.
12:15
It really builds the self-image, don't you think it?
12:17
Really does, because we have spent several weeks together.
12:21
You're you're one of my very close friends.
12:23
Now. We share all these cool details
12:26
about our lives. Yeah.
12:28
And I'm old enough to be your mother.
12:30
But it doesn't feel that way. I never had kids.
12:33
It doesn't feel that way. I never had kids.
12:35
I'm the one's Mama. I have.
12:36
I have 5 furry babies. They're amazing.
12:40
That's that's it. They're all amazing.
12:42
But my thing, when we communicate, we're we're opening
12:47
a door to every path that we've talked about going down in our
12:51
toxic relationships or our toxic environment.
12:57
Sometimes we put ourselves in being around people.
12:59
And I just hope that you learn from these experiences because
13:03
to me it's always harder when you're in a non conventional
13:07
relationship. So me in mind, trying to juggle
13:10
what I juggle, I'm cool with it, but not everybody's always cool
13:14
with it, right? And then you have your
13:16
relationships being with women. And it's not necessarily
13:20
conventional to, you know, Joe Schmo, but.
13:23
Fortunately. It makes things more difficult.
13:25
It's like when my friend Bree is trying to be a trans woman,
13:30
genetic male to female. It's interesting because so many
13:34
men are dumb to this. Now I'm going to reiterate with
13:36
men, they all have this fantasy of fucking a chick with a Dick.
13:39
They love that concept of a trans woman.
13:42
It's a novelty item for them. It's so novelty.
13:45
They wish they could pick up a hot trans girl from a store and
13:49
bring them home and fuck them. That's how novelty so many hot
13:53
trans women and how how they are and Bree feels like.
13:57
And she says this all the time. She's too masculine in a way for
14:01
some men because they know that there's still body parts that
14:04
she has despite the hormones and despite the titties.
14:07
But then she's too masculine or, excuse me, then she's too
14:11
feminine for women, right? So it's like, where the fuck you
14:14
go? So for bisexuals, bisexuals.
14:17
And that's our conversation. Well, she doesn't want to be
14:20
with another trans woman. She leans towards like manly
14:24
men, but then she leans towards manly dominant women.
14:28
But you and I both know that there's so many Butch lesbians.
14:31
They're Butch lesbians for a reason, right?
14:33
Yeah. And yeah, you have to deal with
14:35
a lot of the baggage that comes along with an individual and
14:38
their problems. Yeah, because individuals have a
14:41
lot of problems. Usually, yes, Butch lesbians
14:43
have a problem getting along with men.
14:45
They do. I've never really considered
14:46
myself a Butch, but I do have masculine traits.
14:49
I can sometimes have problems getting along with men just in
14:51
the aspect of like just talking to them.
14:53
There are some men who won't communicate with me because I
14:56
have that masculine qualities. So, you know, that I can show or
15:00
that I can that you, you know, you can sometimes see or
15:02
whatever because I am somewhat of a masculine lesbian.
15:04
I'm not, I'm more feminine now than I used to be sure.
15:07
But you know, I do still have masculine qualities and it can
15:09
make men with toxic masculinity or just insecure.
15:13
Very not one of, you know, very unapproachable.
15:15
Do you think that you were projecting your masculinity as a
15:18
shield? I think a lot of it was, and I
15:20
think a lot of it still is because a lot of the times that
15:22
I'm very masculine in aspects is when I'm in situations that I
15:26
don't know that I don't feel comfortable in femininity.
15:29
I've always said that like I've mentioned before that a lot of
15:32
people that I top call me Daddy and they use yes Sir, No Sir,
15:37
they don't. I don't have any feminine traits
15:39
or qualities when I'm on top with people that I know and
15:42
trust because it's more of a distance.
15:45
It's like a femininity makes me vulnerable basically or I feel.
15:47
Like it does. There you go.
15:49
So I take it away when I'm not safe, but it's kind of like a
15:52
shield, but it's not toxic. It's it's at least I don't think
15:55
it is. I don't know could.
15:55
Be no, I think it's your former protection.
15:58
Right. And you're protecting yourself.
16:00
Yeah, myself, by being very protective, masculine.
16:03
I get that. I get that because I know that
16:06
we all feel vulnerable when we're going and blindsided in
16:09
any type of situation or meeting someone or meeting people in
16:12
general. Yeah, whether it's this
16:14
lifestyle or, you know, going to a dungeon for your first time or
16:17
going to a party for your first time.
16:18
Yeah. So I mean, you have to project
16:20
some type of image to say what I always tell people is, you know,
16:24
if you love yourself, project from the inside out to say I'm
16:27
the fucking shit. I am amazing.
16:30
You need to believe these things to know that this is what you're
16:32
projecting to other people. But I, again, I it's a defense
16:35
mechanism. Yeah.
16:36
Because you don't want to be hurt, Right?
16:39
Wow. So do you check up on coal?
16:41
I have not heard anything from COAL since I broke up with Izzy.
16:45
OK when I broke up with Izzy. I have a trait.
16:47
I have AI have a bad habit of when one relationship ends, even
16:50
if it's just a friends with benefits, I immediately want to
16:52
run run right back to the last. 10 it's.
16:56
Not the safest. So why do you think you do that?
16:59
I know why. Do you know why?
17:00
I try not to think about it, but no I don't.
17:02
I don't really know why I do that.
17:04
We both have psych decrees. You should know this I.
17:06
Should, but I don't. I don't know if it's like a
17:08
because they want to me. Maybe they'll want me again.
17:10
I don't know. I but I do.
17:11
I run back to them. It's your sense of abandonment
17:14
and you questioning whether or not it was the best choice.
17:18
So you question yourself at every turn.
17:20
It's your constant insecurity. You turn back the page to
17:23
something that once was in your mind, but it never really was.
17:27
That makes sense. My fear of abandonment is very
17:29
strong. Is very strong.
17:30
You were strong with the Force. I am strong with the force.
17:33
Well, I'm going to tell you this is going to be a longer episode
17:37
than planned, but that's OK because you and I are talking
17:39
about lost loves and that's OK. I think that when we delve into
17:44
these things, we should be able to help our listeners and their
17:47
mistakes because there's a lot of men, I will say this, that
17:51
are so simple minded. They don't realize where the
17:53
fails go. And like I said, we were talking
17:56
about slave yesterday and he was like, Oh yeah, you know, I used
17:59
to buy her, you know, annual passes to where people didn't
18:03
even realize how elite these passes were.
18:05
Like even the employees didn't even know what they were like.
18:08
It was I bought her everything. And that's how he showed his
18:11
love. That's he doesn't realize that's
18:13
how he's showing his love. It is and it what you a lot of
18:17
times don't realize is is sometimes from a person who's
18:20
doing everything, when they give everything all the time, when it
18:26
ends, especially when it ends badly, they go is my everything
18:31
even worth anything? And you go into that depression
18:34
of I'm not worth anything. I gave them everything I had did
18:38
more than what I could, you know, push myself to give every
18:41
single thing I physically could they needed and they still
18:43
didn't want it because I'm not enough and I'm not worth
18:45
anything. And you go down into that path
18:47
and so you just keep, you know, he had money S he he felt money
18:51
and into it and he got even further down that path, which
18:54
really sucks. It really does suck, but in
18:56
actuality what people don't realize is there's matches for
19:00
everyone and that if it's not clicking, if the person is
19:04
really taking advantage of you, they don't love you.
19:06
So why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't love you?
19:10
And it's like that old Bonnie Raitt song, obviously before you
19:13
were born. I'm going to say it.
19:14
You can't make me love you if I don't.
19:17
Yeah, you can't. It's just, it's just not going
19:18
to happen. It's just not.
19:20
So that's where I'm going to tell you my story.
19:22
So I was in high school. I was in a very you talk about
19:26
being in a Christian School. I went to a Pentecostal school
19:29
when I was in 8th grade and it was all of the kids from 8th
19:34
grade to 12th grade in one classroom, very small.
19:36
There was only at the time, I think there was three people in
19:39
8th grade, if that gives you an indication.
19:41
In total, there was probably 18 to 22 kids in the classroom and
19:46
everything was very, very structured.
19:48
But if you wanted to further advance in your your class and
19:51
graduate early, you were constantly encouraged to do
19:55
that. And so that's why I was able to
19:57
graduate high school by the time I was 17.
19:59
I graduated when I was 16, was in college when I was 17.
20:03
And that was when my first day of college, I was like, I need
20:07
to learn how to drive a car because my high school didn't
20:10
offer that. Yeah.
20:12
At the Pentecostal school. So that was kind of funny.
20:15
But anyway, when I was in 8th grade, I went to the small
20:17
school because my brother-in-law taught there and he was going to
20:21
be my teacher. And I loved, I love my
20:23
brother-in-law, great guy. And who is now, he came out of
20:26
the closet and he's still married to my sister.
20:29
And he's very much a gay man. Very much.
20:31
We all questioned his sexuality over the years, but here again,
20:35
my father knew it back in 1983 when they got married.
20:39
Yeah, he was like, he was like, don't don't do that.
20:42
He's like, don't marry him because he's gay.
20:46
No, he's not. Anyway, that's neither who nor
20:48
there. The point of it is, I was in
20:51
school with this kid and I was so enamored by him.
20:55
I always say, and I've said this before in the podcast, that
20:58
there's two types of men that I like.
20:59
There's little cute, tiny little men that I could imagine picking
21:03
up and putting them between my titties and carrying them around
21:06
because they're so fucking cute. And then there's men that are
21:10
someone that could go into a Donnie Brosco or Godfather movie
21:16
who looks very Italian, very hot, and he had pitch black
21:21
hair. He was 62, lean.
21:24
He had at times during the summer he would get a nice tan.
21:28
But to me, he walked on water, He was sexy as fuck and he'll
21:33
always come to school. I looked forward, put it this
21:35
way, from 8th grade to 10th grade at that school, that's
21:39
when I pretty much graduated that I look forward to seeing
21:42
winter because that's when he started wearing his leather
21:45
jackets. He'd wear black leather jackets.
21:48
And he was one of those kids. You could tell he was insecure,
21:51
and he had no reason to be insecure.
21:52
You can tell that he was kind of beaten down by life already.
21:55
And it was because he had a domineering asshole father.
21:58
And the father, he was the youngest of three.
22:01
The father had disowned the daughter, his oldest daughter,
22:04
because I think she got pregnant out of wedlock when she was 16
22:07
because, again, they were Pentecostal.
22:09
They didn't talk to their kids about sex.
22:11
Yeah, and then he had a son who was the pinnacle of the family
22:17
and he was going to minister's college and, you know, religious
22:22
college and he became a minister of a church and very well known
22:26
to this day and blah, blah, blah.
22:27
But his youngest son was the one I was completely enamoured with,
22:31
completely in love with. And I never told him in high
22:34
school, but in high school I could tell he was one of those
22:37
kids that he acted like he was really interested in in boobs
22:40
and tits because we had kind of like a mutual friend.
22:44
I was bullied by these girls because for some reason most of
22:48
them are all related. You know, they were all from
22:50
like connected families. They were cousins and this and
22:53
that. He wasn't though, and I wasn't.
22:56
And there was there was a good 6-7 kids that were not related,
23:00
but I was the one who always got bullied.
23:02
And it was because I would wear more fashionable clothes.
23:07
My mother would make, you know, I was the girl who didn't have
23:10
to put a bunch of Hairspray in her hair to make it look good.
23:13
I was the one, honestly, who was the pretty girl.
23:16
And I, you know, these other girls, they weren't that pretty.
23:19
And they had to put in a lot of work for what they were doing.
23:22
And I was very vocal and I was very matter of fact.
23:25
And, you know, when we got roll call, I would say present
23:28
instead of here, you know. Yeah, I was a bougie bitch, but
23:34
I was. But it was just the way I was
23:37
raised and it was an unintentional thing, but I felt
23:43
my mom would always say act like a lady.
23:45
That's how it was. So he really wouldn't flirt with
23:48
me. I wouldn't flirt with him.
23:49
But we had the same interest in music and movies and books and
23:53
we would talk and I just gosh, I could just stare at him for
23:57
days. I was just so enamored.
23:59
Anyway, we get through high school and I realized I was done
24:03
and I went on. I finished my my one term, my
24:07
last term at college and it was it had a high school college
24:12
situation and I finished my high school there on college campus
24:17
and I graduated and I was like, God, I'm missing this kid, you
24:21
know, So I reach out to him. And obviously it was before we
24:24
possess cell phones. I'd reach out to him and one
24:27
night at this point, I was already, you know, side
24:30
hustling, doing my thing as a Dom.
24:32
And then I was like, when I turned 18, I was doing phone
24:36
sex. And so one night I called him
24:39
and I was basically implying to him that I was a phone sex
24:43
operator and if he wanted to just have fun.
24:46
And he was like, ah, no, no, I no.
24:49
And I'm like, what man would refuse to have phone sex with
24:53
me? I mean, it wasn't like I was
24:55
saying, oh, I am so great, wonderful.
24:57
It wasn't that, but I was saying.
24:58
Who would refuse that? Yeah, yeah.
25:00
Who would refuse? Phone sex, because it was like,
25:03
we're not doing anything intimate by just talking.
25:05
That's all we're doing. And he's like, yeah, no.
25:11
And so he had started, he'd finished high school.
25:14
He started as well early, and he started working for the family
25:18
business. And when he did, he, he and I
25:21
just kind of didn't contact one another.
25:23
And I thought, well, you know, I'm just kind of pining away
25:26
thinking about him on so many levels because I thought, well,
25:29
he didn't come to college here. And maybe he didn't go to the
25:32
other college, so maybe he's just running the family
25:34
business. And that's what he did.
25:35
And so I was like, God, am I ever going to see him again?
25:38
You know, you feel like miles apart when there was no cell
25:40
phones and, and that kind of thing.
25:43
And the only people who had cell phones were people that were
25:45
wealthy enough to afford them, you know, and you would actually
25:48
carry them around. They were in a satchel.
25:51
If that tells you something kind of cool.
25:53
Cool. Yeah, It was very cool.
25:55
I. Had to live through that.
25:56
Yeah, it. Was awesome.
25:57
It was awesome. I got my first phone at 10.
25:59
Oh God, no. My dad had one of those and they
26:02
weren't cordless. They came with like a compact
26:05
bag and you would carry the bag around like a satchel, work
26:08
satchel. This is my phone.
26:10
Here we go. Damn.
26:12
Yes, and it was expensive. Mine was touch.
26:14
Screen No, I got it for Christmas it was a smartphone
26:17
touch screen Internet yeah bang, I get it because it wasn't that
26:20
long ago there's. Only like 1314 years ago.
26:26
Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. So anyway, when I was you're so
26:31
funny, when I was like 2021, I was still a virgin and I didn't
26:35
lose my virginity till I was 21. Till I was almost 22.
26:38
Yeah. But I was still working as a
26:39
Dom, right? Yeah.
26:40
And so I went and I was like, I was at work and I was like, God,
26:44
I miss him so much. I really want to talk to him.
26:47
I really want to talk to him. And I called him a couple times.
26:50
Hey, how are you? You know, I just work downtown.
26:54
You know, we can hang out sometime.
26:56
And it's like he didn't take the bait.
26:58
And my, my mother never gave me advice on love life.
27:04
Never. My my sisters never gave me
27:08
advice. I mean, my sister, obviously my
27:10
oldest sister was married to a gay man.
27:12
So I don't know what kind of sex arrangement or sex life or love
27:15
life they had. But it wasn't one of those well
27:18
enough that she was going to give me advice.
27:20
And then my other sister, she was always a one night stand
27:24
kind of girl. Those are nice.
27:27
Those are nice. So then I went and I had a dream
27:33
one night. I kept dreaming about him.
27:35
And I was just for years. I mean, after high school, from
27:38
the time I was obviously when I was in 8th grade again, 1415
27:42
years old and, and here now I was 21 and I was just fixated
27:47
because I, I wasn't encountering other men in what I was doing
27:51
for a living. And then I would encounter men
27:53
at school and I was like, Oh my God, he's so immature, you know,
27:56
like I don't want to date someone who's immature.
27:58
And I just, this guy just kept coming back to my mind.
28:01
And ultimately I said, OK, well, one night I had a dream and I
28:05
had a dream that he came to my work and we went out to dinner.
28:08
And I remember what I had on. I had this red sweater on.
28:11
And we were talking and I was like in the car.
28:15
And I was like, listen, I've got to tell you something.
28:17
This is this has been eating me up for the last three years
28:20
after I left school. I can't do this anymore.
28:22
I've got to tell you how I feel. And I said, I've been in love
28:24
with you all this time. You've never acted interested.
28:28
I know we were just kids, but now we're adults.
28:31
I don't know how you feel. And I said, are you dating
28:33
anybody anything? Well, the night in my dream that
28:37
he showed up, I remember he was wearing these Argyle socks and
28:41
he was wearing tight fitting clothes and he didn't have he
28:44
didn't have the jeans on, he didn't have the the leather
28:47
coat. And I was like, damn, he used to
28:49
be so hot in high school, but then I see him as an adult and
28:52
he's 22 now. And he looked like a gay man.
28:55
And it didn't register with me because I didn't want to see it.
28:58
And so that was my dream that that he told me he was gay When
29:02
I told him that he's like, we've got to stop.
29:05
I've got to tell you, I've got to tell you something.
29:07
So we stopped in downtown by the fountain.
29:10
We walked out and he's like, let's, let's go walk.
29:12
Let's let me talk. I've got to tell you something.
29:15
And that's when he told me he was gay.
29:16
That was all in my dream. And so when I had that dream, I
29:20
was like, God, this is so weird. This is so weird.
29:22
Couple weeks later, I was like, fuck it, I'm going to call him.
29:25
Coincidentally, I was wearing the red sweater and I was like,
29:27
Oh my God, this is really trippy.
29:29
This is weird. This is exactly what I was
29:31
wearing. I said, oh, he's, he's, he's not
29:33
going to show up wearing that. Oh, he's not going to show.
29:35
He showed up wearing these dark brown like like the colored Jean
29:41
khakis and he had the Argyle socks on and the Argyle socks
29:46
just like bam in my face and the gay fitted shirt.
29:49
And I was like, Oh my God, this is just like my dream.
29:52
And so I played it out just like my dream.
29:54
And I told him, I said, listen, I got to tell you.
29:56
I said, but I already know what you're going to say.
29:58
I said, you wouldn't believe it, but I had this dream.
30:00
I know what's going to happen next.
30:02
And he's like, what do you mean? I said, you're going to tell me
30:05
you're gay. And he's like, Oh my God, how
30:06
did you know? I said, I'm telling you, I had
30:09
this dream. And so we continued.
30:12
We went downtown. I'm crying, he's crying, he's
30:15
driving. We're in downtown Pensacola.
30:17
And we approached the fountain where he reiterated that he he
30:21
was gay. And he's like, listen, if it
30:23
could be anybody that I could be with, if I were straight, it
30:27
would be with you. And I'm like, God, stab me in
30:30
the heart. But that point is what needed to
30:34
happen. And someone put that dream in my
30:37
mind that night and it came to fruition exactly as it happened
30:41
in my dream. It was insane.
30:42
So we went out to dinner, we talked.
30:44
And in my mind, I still didn't want to believe it because
30:47
again, I was dumb and I was almost 22 years old and had life
30:51
experiences and I was still a virgin.
30:53
And he was the only boy that I thought now as a man that I ever
30:58
truly loved in my mind. And I can tell you that if you
31:01
were to call me today and say, Hey, Mia, I need you, can you
31:04
come to help me? I would not fucking hesitate.
31:07
I'd put on my shoes, get my my shirt and I'd be out the door
31:10
because there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.
31:12
I love him. I still love him.
31:14
But here's the sad thing. I don't feel to be 50 years old
31:18
and I'm almost 50. And the thing of it is he's 50
31:21
and he fucking looks like he's 67.
31:24
I'm going to show you a picture because I see him now.
31:26
Pictures because I have to scoop out of his brothers Facebook on
31:29
occasion. Sorry about that.
31:31
I mean, good old Facebook. He doesn't have his own
31:33
Facebook. But I was like, what was so
31:35
crazy was after I told him that and he was 22, I was 21.
31:40
It was probably when I was 2728. I was going no, I was, I was
31:47
again, I was, I was like 31 years old because it was after
31:50
my first divorce. I was after, after I turned 30,
31:53
I got a divorce from my first, my first husband.
31:56
And it's like, thou who she'll never be mentioned.
32:02
But Needless to say, when I I saw him because my nephew had
32:06
invited him to his wedding because they were coworkers, I
32:10
was like, Oh my God, you work with him.
32:12
Oh my God. You know, he's like, yes,
32:14
everybody knows he's gay, but he doesn't tell anyone.
32:17
It's all one big family secret. Nobody talks about it, blah,
32:20
blah, blah. I said, well, please tell me,
32:22
has he been in a relationship? Has he got married?
32:24
Has he done anything? He says no, he's never dated.
32:27
He's never done anything. And so I ended up meeting up
32:31
with him after the wedding and the reception and everything.
32:34
And I said to him, I said what happened?
32:37
I said you never got married, nothing.
32:39
And he's like, no, he said I've I've never even had sex, haven't
32:43
dated. I haven't done anything.
32:45
And I said damn, that's awful. And he's like, yeah, yeah, it
32:50
really sucks, he says. But honestly, he's like me at
32:53
this point. I'm going to tell you something,
32:55
he said makes things better for you.
32:56
He's like, I have a small penis. It's not even something that is
32:59
usable, he said. And honestly, the fact that I
33:02
would be a submissive more so to a man than a dominant, he said,
33:07
I get grossed out at the thought of a guy fucking my ass.
33:11
Like, it doesn't even turn me on.
33:12
So it's like I said, well, I mean, there's scissoring,
33:15
there's hand jobs, there's oral sex.
33:18
I said there's other ways, but honestly, he dresses like an old
33:22
man now. I saw him and some, you know,
33:25
recent family photos and it's like he's Gray, completely Gray.
33:29
He completely shaved every hair on his head and he just doesn't
33:34
look like the person I knew. And he's just like a shell of a
33:37
man. And it's like, it's so sad.
33:41
My point of it is so much of someone's sexuality because he
33:45
was extremely repressed being in the religious family, the
33:49
religious cult that he was in, that he was never able to come
33:52
out, never. And his family wouldn't accept
33:54
it. They would immediately shun him.
33:56
And I mean, his father is elderly now.
33:59
His father's still alive. Who was horrible to him but his
34:02
father had this weird accident when he was like when my lost
34:06
love was 16. His father had this accident at
34:10
work where a tree literally fell down on his head and it
34:14
completely altered him. He was hospitalized for weeks
34:18
and it altered his mind. From the beginning of everything
34:22
it was he was a different person.
34:24
He went from being a horrible asshole who called my sweet
34:28
friend Twinkle Toes and a Tinkerbell and a fucking fairy
34:32
kid and a little faggot and all these horrible things when he
34:36
was a kid, 8 and nine years old, the most critical time for
34:39
little boys, and completely emasculated him.
34:45
And now all of a sudden, eight years later, when he's 1617
34:50
years old, his dad had to learn how to speak, walk again,
34:53
everything. And his dad was an entirely
34:56
different person. Had it only happened sooner, you
34:58
would have never known what could have happened to him,
35:01
right? Yeah.
35:02
But now, like I said, I haven't seen or heard from him in years,
35:07
but I hear things every so often through my circle of family.
35:12
But yeah, so it's like, how sad is that?
35:15
Isn't it very sad? It is.
35:17
So we're going to exchange pictures of this.
35:19
But my point of it is, Kylie and we had this conversation
35:24
yesterday. There's no sense in pining away
35:27
for someone. There's no sense in making
35:30
yourself miserable or punishing yourself for someone that
35:33
doesn't matter because the only one that matters for your
35:36
happiness is you. And I wish my sweet friend, I
35:40
wish he would have taken some piece of advice that I had told
35:45
him years ago, and that was fuck your family and move on with
35:49
your real life. Find someone that truly loves
35:53
you and you love them. So yeah, that's my, that's my
35:58
$0.02. All right.
36:03
So I think we can live in on that note.
36:06
Yes. Yeah, you're like, thanks for
36:09
depressing me, Mia. It's OK.
36:11
All right, Great. Thank you listeners for
36:15
listening to my bullshit, Kylie. That was great.
36:18
It was an interesting story. I really hope, for Cole's sake,
36:21
I hope she fucking grew up. Last I heard about her she was
36:25
dating a guy up in Georgia and he had moved her from her mom
36:30
and basically her entire family to go help and take care of his
36:34
grandmother. Seemed pretty toxic to me but
36:36
then again could be jealousy I don't know but I haven't heard a
36:39
peep since then. I don't want to get re involved
36:42
with it because like you said. Yeah, he called.
36:45
Tomorrow you would run back to him and if she called today and
36:48
said I want to get back together with you, I want to, I'd run to
36:51
Georgia and forget everything here.
36:53
Oh my God. I would because I still love
36:56
her. Wow.
36:57
Despite it all. Despite it all, I sound some
37:00
toxic traits right there. Oh yeah.
37:02
Oh yeah. Yeah, I got some bad ones.
37:07
That's OK, We're working on it. That's the important part, and
37:09
I'm aware of them. Yes, you are very aware of them,
37:12
and that's key. Yes.
37:14
All right, so until then, this has been the latest episode of
37:18
Call Me Mistress.