Latest / The Parent Tap / AI Deepfakes Are Everywhere: The Rules Parents Need

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AI Deepfakes Are Everywhere: The Rules Parents Need · The Parent Tap

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: If I let this picture out, you're gonna be shamed and humiliated for the rest of your life.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: We can defang that weapon.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: We we start now with a generation of kids saying we never blame the victim.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: One of my colleagues who also works in sex abuse prevention work has daughters that are in grade school.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: As the school year started, he said to them, When someone shows you a naked picture of yourself, you drop everything and you find me.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what is that doing?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's normalizing the fact that AI deep fake nudes are everywhere, right?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's normalizing the fact that daddy loves you and he'll be there to support you no matter what.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, quick question.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know that the most common advice Google gives you about talking to your kids about sex misses the entire point?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: When researchers looked at what parents actually find online, they discovered almost nothing about the beauty of sex in a loving relationship, just a long list of dangers.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's the gap we're fixing today.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Janet has spent more than four decades helping parents do what schools and public systems can keep kids sexually safe and sexually healthy.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the single most surprising thing she'll reveal the best protection against a predator isn't a stranger danger lecture.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the steady, boring, day-to-day relationship you already have with your kid.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to want to miss this.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Janet, you've worn lots of hats, caseworker, helpline counselor, professor, public official, mom.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So take me back.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: What was the moment or case that made you realize schools and public systems couldn't do the job and that parents had to be the front line?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: The moment, interesting, the truthful moment is I was appointed to a high-level government position.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: And in my confirmation hearings, I was vilified for thinking it was okay to talk to kids about sex.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized if these esteemed elected officials sitting on a Senate confirmation hearing panel don't know why it's important to talk to kids about sex, I better stop assuming that everybody knows it's important because I've felt it in my gut since I started working in child sex abuse when I was barely out of college almost 5-0 years ago.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But my shock at realizing that other people not only didn't think it was important, but thought there might be something wrong with me because I thought it was very clearly my very unusual Senate confirmation hearings.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I had no idea you even went through all that stuff.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's that is wild.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you think why do you think it's just like taboo thing?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And basically when you Google it, you just see the dangers of it, and you don't really see anything else beyond that.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why do you there's a what do you what do you think we're missing?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think there's a couple reasons.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's sort of a natural inclination not to want to think about sex in a generation above you or a generation below you.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: None of us want to think about our parents being sexual that can make our head explode, let alone if you thought to think about our kids being sexual.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: But parents have an obligation to recognize that if their kids don't get good information about sexuality, they run the risk of not growing up to be sexually safe and healthy.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's a chapter in my book, Find the Courage to Be Uncomfortable.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And with coaching, with knowledge, with tools, with tactics, parents can find them information and comfort that they need to be there for their kids in the way their kids need them to be.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like how you said that.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you said keeping a kid's self-esteem cup full is one of the most important protective factors against exploitation.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can you walk us through that and just tell us how practically we do that as a parent?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: So now that's referring to kids from early adolescence on.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: With younger kids, we've got different protective factors.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: But with older kids, as they're beginning to develop their identity, they're trying to figure out who they are as a person, as a sexual person.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: My every teenager is exquisitely crazy about am I attractive, am I not attractive?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And when a kid's self-esteem is not very strong, they're vulnerable to the predators who play on the fact that kids have low self-esteem.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: They offer them self-esteem, they offer them acceptance, they offer them compliments, and then they exact their terrible price, which is a sexual relationship.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: So when kids don't have to turn to strangers to get their self-esteem cup full, they're good, they're going to be a lot safer.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And again, that's for older kids.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: For younger kids, we look at other protective factors.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: So what would it be for the younger ones?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Would it just be more the acceptance, some of the vanity metrics of this people think I'm I fit in or I'm good looking?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or how would that work for the younger population?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: One of the critical jobs that all parents have to do is they have to give our kid what the textbooks call unconditional positive regard.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: We just love that child for the very fact that the child exists.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: The minute a baby's born, there's absolutely nothing they can do.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: They just are.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: They're there.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when a child feels that kind of unconditional positive regard, they're just loved by their parent, then they know they have intrinsic value just for being, that they don't have to do anything to be loved.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Now, that's not saying they don't have to learn chores and there's things they have to do that are age appropriate.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's a separate, that's the behavior.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: We always, always have to love our kids through and through just for who they are.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to like all their behaviors.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's why we teach discipline.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: But it's that being filled with that kind of love which breeds self-esteem when it starts when a child's born.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: And from what I gathered, you wrote about you wrote lessons parents can take from the Epstein case, including, yeah, and I know it's an unfortunate thing to talk about, but including how predators target teen insecurities and how older looking kids can still have immature brains.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's so for parents who think that stuff doesn't happen, what's the one thing that they should do differently?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: There's unpack the Epstein case and spend phase on all of the things our culture needs to learn.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: I always start with the concept of the term that defense attorneys made up called underage women.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: They are not underage women, they are kids.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: And we know as kids mature, yeah, often girls mature physically much more quickly than boys.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: You put two 12-year-olds in the room together, the girl could look 14 or 15, the boy could still look 10.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: Girls develop secondary sex characteristics way before their brains are fully developed, before they can make good judgments.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And there's people talk, and there's people that are specifically attracted to to the young bodies of that age that uh I so many of Epstein's kids' victims were kids of low income.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: They needed to, they needed the money, and that's one way he got around them.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't want anyone to forget that if you read the the material that's out there, he got his start as a high school teacher trading sex for grades, right?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what lessons do we need to learn about who teaches our kids, how we talk to our kids about developing enough self-esteem that they never feel like they've got to trade sex for grades.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: And we look at the culture of what's going on at a school, and you get a young, cute teacher that takes advantage of the fact that kids are going to be naturally looking to validate their self-esteem.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: He just found every loophole in our culture and just played it to the hill to the detriment of hundreds of young women.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I didn't even know about that teacher component district my child goes to.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Two high school teachers with different kids.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Abuse of power is so rampant.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very scary world as a parent of a two and a five-year-old right now raising them in this world.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Any questions I can answer about them for you, I will.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: But let me talk broadly and say after all of the scandals that started in the church and the scouts and the organizations like 15 and 20 years ago, there have been so many wonderful programs and policies developed that we know from empirical research work in organizations.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Organizations and school districts have no excuse now not to be implementing safety policies.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: They're out there.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: There's wonderful examples like Safety Stars, is one that I talk about.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Does your school district have a code of conduct?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Does your school district have rules about out-of-school communication?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's so much has been learned since the original tragedies of the Catholic Church and the youth organizations that there's really no excuse.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing I encourage, and I talk about this a lot in SexWise Parent, is how you as a parent can find out if your district is using the latest and the best safety techniques, if the if the sporting programs or athletic programs where you're going to send their kids are using the best and most up-to-date programs.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things we've learned from our research is that if parents ask an organization, can I see your policies?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: How when that will not only make the organization make sure their policies are up to date and current, but it parents then once they ask once, they feel empowered to ask again and again.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if you ask your kids nursery school, you're going to be able to be that parent that asked the schools and the and the teams the whole time your child is growing up.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just with our listeners who are parents find themselves comfortable enough to say to the child care center, what are your policies around child safety?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: What are your policies around letting kids toilet by themselves?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: What are your policies around who supervises kids during nap time?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: There's and in this ex-wise parent, I give those questionnaires for parents with kids of any age.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And boy, would I love to see parents empowered enough to nicely, gently ask those questions and just let the organization serving their kids know that we're watching, our eyes are on you.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, and that's perfect for me because I have a two-year-old in date here and I have a five-year-old in kindergarten.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like both of those entities need to be checks and balances of making sure that everything is being followed.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think as a parent, I just want to, and I don't want to speak for everyone out there, but I am a little naive sometimes of you, you assume, right?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you they know what you say when assume, but you assume everything is being done.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: But then again, in the news, it's it's things are not, things are going unchecked.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that's a great checklist.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to see that, and I'll have to get my hands on the book to then implement that because I am that parent that would be like, hey, let's tell me about this.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, it's all in the the name of protecting my kid and protecting the other kids at school and making sure that they grow up in a safe environment.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know from from all the experts I've had on this show, I know that once they once once the damage is done, it's really, really hard to undo it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let me let me be possible to undo it.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Push that back a little bit, okay?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've also been a therapist.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen wonderful recoveries from very difficult experience.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: The most important thing a child needs, and I have a whole chapter, the last chapter in my book is what to do if you suspect or if something bad happened.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: The most important thing a child needs is what's called an SSNR, safe, stable, nurturing relationship.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: That the parent is with the kid, the parent hears the kid, the parent supports the kid, the parent learns how to advocate for the kid, and I can I tell them how to do it in chapter 13 of this ex-wife's parent.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: And if a child can, you know, two things.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: The child needs to feel incredibly supported by the family, the child needs to this the services of a qualified therapist, and it doesn't mean someone that had specialized training necessarily, but a good psychotherapist that understands child development and understands human sexuality can be there for the kid.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I yes, it's traumatic, but a a child with loving parents and qualified therapy, kids are very resilient when they're loved and supported.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So just I know your listeners probably yeah, we know we estimate that maybe one in five people have had a sexual victimization.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm sure at least one in ten of your listeners have been through something.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I never want to be discouraging about recovery because it's always possible, especially if we start with kids.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's good, that's hopeful.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And let's talk about so the sex tortion rise.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: It seems like nowadays, especially kids sending photos and then they're being like basically blackmailed, and then to give out more stuff, and then it turns into this vicious cycle and it could turn into the the worst thing possible, lost of life, right?
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it's happened before.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so, can you talk to us about the rise of this?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, what the healthy candid talk look like in the age of the smartphone and the age of everyone's got cameras, everyone's got videos, and it's very easy to upload.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: When I say start at the end, after a kid has been victimized and a bad actor, whether it's somebody in a boiler room in a third world country or someone at their high school, but once someone threatens to expose new pictures of them, the real damage happens when the child believes that they will be shamed and humiliated in their community.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what makes kids in the unfortunate cases where you've talked about actually have taken their own lives.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: They're so frightened of the shame and humiliation.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I have a a wish that every parent would teach their child that it that and if every school could build that into the school culture, we would take away the most important weapon that the exploiters have because that's their weapon.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: If I let this picture out, you're gonna be shamed and humiliated for the rest of your life.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: We can defang that weapon.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: You start now with a generation of kids saying we never blame them.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: One of my colleagues who also works in sex abuse prevention work has daughters that are in grade school.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: As the school year started, he said to them, When someone shows you a naked picture of yourself, you drop everything and you find me.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what is that doing?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's normalizing the fact that AID fake nudes are everywhere, right?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's normalizing the fact that daddy loves you and he'll be there to support you no matter what.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I encourage any parent that feels comfortable doing so to share that same kind of love and support with their kids.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because if the kids, if because after the fact, if we get if we uh annihilate the humiliation, the kid's mental health is going to stay more intact.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's go to the front end and see how can we maybe not help a kid not get in that position in the first place.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: One of the family rules that if a family can implement it, starting when the kids are young, that I think is key, is all the smartphones charge in the parents' bedroom overnight.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because when kids have their smartphones in their room, that's setting the stage for these kind of things to go wrong.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I it's hard to start that when your kid's already 12 or 13, but that doesn't mean you can't try.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: But from the moment a kid gets their first phone, if it's a house rule that the phones charge in the parents' room overnight, we're gonna we're really gonna remove a lot of threat.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: I also have a yeah, yeah, I have a strong sense as a sex educator that kids need to understand in age-appropriate ways how their bodies respond when they see certain things or hear certain things.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: The sexual arousal happens to boys and to girls.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: And the bad actors play upon that, they induce the arousal, they tell the kids that you're a part of this, your body's going along, and then they really entrap the kid who doesn't understand his or her own reaction to what they're feeling in the moment.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: If kids understood that the physical genital reaction means nothing more than getting goosebumps when you're cold, it's just what your body does in response to stimuli doesn't mean you're in love with the person.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean you've got a relationship.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: Boy, I wish all parents could help their kids understand that.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I give them tools to help talk about that in age-appropriate ways and sex-wise parents.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, and that's great.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so what age, I know it's gonna vary based on development and maybe individualized kids' basis, but or based a bit kid to kid basis.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: But what age would you recommend having that talk?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you have the talk without just going at it with the dangers?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're always thank you trying to.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: I swear, even when I had my kids, I was like, oh man, like I was still almost ashamed, like in thinking that when I was 35.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just remember those talks of just don't don't do it and sexy format, all this stuff, and just yeah, it just made it it made it a shameful activity for me.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things along the way I've learned my first degree was as a health educator.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: People have known for decades that in health education, scare tactics do not work.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: All these don't drive drunk with crashed cars and fried brains and drugs, they have been shown to have absolutely no impact.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: And in fact, with some kids, it leaves them so scared they end up almost with some kind of ADD or obsessive compulsive because they're and they've been so frightened.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: So fear is not fear is not a good tactic.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: What is a good tactic is helping kids number one go in from from the beginning, we can all we should be teaching our kids from the time they're born that touch is good, that loving touch is appropriate, that when people who love you hug you, it's a way of showing touch that to enjoy their sense of taste or enjoy a sense of smell, they enjoy hugs from people they love, and equally that they learn from as young as we can that if a touch makes them feel uncomfortable, they can say no.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: You might come home from work and have had a really rotten day, Dr.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Janet did a rotten interview, oh no, you might need a hug.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's not your child's problem if you need a hug, it's your issue if they need a hug, because kids always need to know and learn from as young as we can that the positive touch is just an important part of life, right?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then as they get tight, when a kid is old enough and they're going through the terrible twos, which actually is more likely to happen in the threes.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: And as soon as a kid is old enough to learn mind, when someone grabs one of his toys, he's learned old enough to learn that his body is mine, and nobody they don't share that with anybody they don't want to.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: So if we think broadly about integrating these concepts into everything we teach our kids and just take the stigma off of those parts of their body, because as a parent, we want to teach them about all the parts of their body.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I know it's not easy, and I really urge parents who find it uncomfortable to practice taught practice with other parents.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: You be the kid and ask me the question, okay.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'll be the kid and I'll ask you the question and practice how you might answer the kids in ways that feel appropriate and get the good information out there.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's your take on that?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: My take on that is that you start at home, right?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: And in the book, I go through, I show some of the different consent models that when we're talking with little kids, we teach our kids to ask.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: Just like I ask before I take your toy, I ask before I touch you.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: We teach our kids, starting at a young age, that if someone says, Stop tickling me or stop touching me, we respect that.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: And when our kids get older, when they're getting ready to start dating, we start talking about consent and asking.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: And my point with the teenagers is if you're not comfortable saying to this partner, may I unbutton your pants, may I take off your shirt, may I unhook your bra, if you can't talk about that, you're not close enough to this person to be doing that.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the kind of conversation that builds consent and decision making right in there with kids.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: With the older kids, it's also important that parents talk to kids about these consent issues before they become sexually active.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean intercourse active, I just mean necking and petting because we know that sexual arousal can make the thought processes as dulled as alcohol.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we don't wait for a kid to be in the throes of their first heavy sexual arousal while they're petting with their 15-year-old boyfriend or girlfriend to start making these decisions.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Make these decisions and know your boundaries before you get into that before you find yourself in that situation.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's super important because I think when you get to that stage, it's already too late, right?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're you need to kind of have that.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like you got a pregame in plan before it, because when the game starts, I always everything's a sports analogy for me, but when the game starts, it's like it's too late.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: You already, the momentum's going, the the you can't stop it, right?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I would look at it as someone that always relates everything to sports.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to talk about this too.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: The AI deepfake, you brought this up, and this is something that again, I have a five-year-old, and she I've I've heard from the experts quite a bit.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: Don't put photos of your kid on the internet and don't have videos.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Full disclosure, she has a YouTube channel, and so I go against that grain just because she loves to do it and she's pretty successful, and I'm in the YouTube game, and so it's like I can help her with it.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a daddy-daughter project, and so I don't want to stop doing that stuff, but I also am worried about the AI deep fake possibility, and I know it's out there.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I heard something in the news, and correct me if I'm wrong, that it's not illegal to do AI deepfakes on and if that's right, if if I'm reporting this right, is there a way to get this some sort of regulation on this?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's it's insane that any kid's photo could be taken, put on CSAM material or made into CSAM material, and then just like well, like there's nothing we can parents can do about it.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a lawyer.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I can tell you that unless it's a federal law, states all have their own laws.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I can tell you, NICMIC, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, has a service called Take It Down.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's takeitdown.nickMick.org, but it's easy to find.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if a parent ever sees a whether whatever the nude is, deep fake or real, you go to NICMIC's website and you start the process at takeitdown.org and they will use the latest technologies out there to identify all the different digital footprints and that that program.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: I believe it's only in its second or third year, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to mention it on this podcast because not enough members of the public, not enough parents know that it's out there.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: So Nick Mick's got this wonderful service at Take It Down.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: That if you do find somebody misusing your daughter or any other daughter's image they find online, you've got this wonderful service available to help parents track down and eradicate those images.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, good.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's a the it's just it's it feels good that there's a way to fight back because it feels like we are very defenseless in this new age of technology and how there's so many just deranged people out there that that will do this kind of thing.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: And but yeah, that's a great resource and something I had no clue about personally, but that's something that's great that that that's out there, and that that that could alleviate so many of these issues too with this extortion stuff.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: If there are photos out there, right?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: We can parents have a way, teens have a way of getting those photos potentially off the internet, right?
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I want to mention, since I'm plugging colleagues that do wonderful work, there's another website people should know about for teens called whatsoy.org.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if a teen is wondering if something they're thinking of doing or are doing, whether if they any qu it it's a confidential online service that kids can ask questions and have them addressed by professionals.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: So whatsokay.org is another wonderful resource that I hope people who have questions know about.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's better than I go on Reddit a lot just because I try to see what's topical, what's in the news.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: But this that's a better, let's be honest, right?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: It you don't know who the heck is responding.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I like fully vetted into my video.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Go to the experts.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: I have a lot of I have offer parents a lot of experts that I have personally vetted or people I stood on national committees with and know.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, any of the resources and that I list in SexWise Parent, like takeitdown.org, like what's okay, have been vetted and are there to serve parents and kids.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: This sounds like such the the Bible of the sex talk.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, you need to have this as a parent, you need to be able to do all these resources that you have and go through these steps.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so, can you tell us more about the sex wise parent, who this is for, sure, where we can find it, all the goodies.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, sure.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: I like to someone refer to it as a handbook for parents.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: And because it goes through what you need to know with kids at every age as they develop from birth through young adulthood, you may not sit and read the whole book in one sitting, but it's there as your kid ages.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: The beginning, I have a chapter called Everything You Should Have Learned in High School, but probably didn't.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_01: I if my goal is for kids to go out in the world with medically accurate, age-appropriate information all wrapped up in their family's value system.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: So there's parents who maybe didn't get the very best anatomy and physiology.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: I've got it right there for you in language that you can use.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about how to translate that information to your kids at different age.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: I have a section called People, Places, and Things, like where you should be concerned, including like vacation safety, for example.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: So many teenage girls look older than they are.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: And what do you need to think about when you're checking into a hotel?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I I've I think I've covered all the bases of taking a safe summer program, keeping your kids safe in their sporting programs, and at the end, what to do if you think something is wrong, how to ask your question kid questions in ways that won't compromise a potential legal investigation.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just a resource from start promoting sexual health and safety, and if you've got concerns, where to go and how to take care of it in the best possible way.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And you can order it from Amazon, you can get it at independent bookstores.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm hoping people listening might ask their library to order it so lots of folks can have access to it.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: So it's my goal to get this information to as many parents as we can.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's one of those conversations.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I think that it's almost it's almost like doing your taxes.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, uh, I usually wait till the last moment because it's like I don't want to talk about it because it's uncomfortable.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: But if you wait too long, you end up paying a penalty.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: So just no no penalty.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: Stay out of the parenting penalty box, get a jump on it.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have to.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great way to put it.