Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #865 Time Crunch Moments: Making Mornings Magic

Transcript

#865 Time Crunch Moments: Making Mornings Magic · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for.
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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers now.
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Speaker 1: All this week on the Happy Families Podcast, we are
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Speaker 1: talking about time crunch moments today, mornings, those moments where
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Speaker 1: the pressure is on, We're parents are kind of freaking
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Speaker 1: out and the kids are not necessarily being compliant. We
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Speaker 1: thought it was a helpful idea given that school has
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Speaker 1: gone back about a week ago now. For Queensland and Victoria,
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Speaker 1: we're studying week two of school term four, New South
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Speaker 1: Wales the Act and WA it's week one. School goes
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Speaker 1: back today or tomorrow, depending on which school your kids
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Speaker 1: are going to. South Australia, Tassy, they've got one more
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Speaker 1: week of holidays. They started their holidays a bit later
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Speaker 1: than everyone else. But mornings, Kylie, time crunch moments.
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Speaker 2: We've spoken a lot about this on the podcast in
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Speaker 2: recent times, and specifically about the routine and structure that
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Speaker 2: we've created around our.
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Speaker 1: Mornings, making mornings magic. Thinking. He's evolved, hasn't it since
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Speaker 1: we started talking about this a while ago.
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Speaker 2: Well, our children have grown too, and so that definitely
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Speaker 2: makes a difference. We're dealing with a nine year old
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Speaker 2: and a couple of teenagers, which is very different to
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Speaker 2: dealing with than when they were in primary school altogether.
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Speaker 1: So what we thought we would do here is for
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Speaker 1: those of you who are new to the podcast or
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Speaker 1: need a refresher on making mornings magic, we thought we
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Speaker 1: would share the old ideas that we've probably shared on
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Speaker 1: the podcast once or twice previously, but then we want
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Speaker 1: to step into how our thinking around these ideas has evolved,
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Speaker 1: partly because we've changed, partly because our own circumstances have changed,
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Speaker 1: but also partly because every family needs different ideas to
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Speaker 1: make this stuff work. So I'm going to whizz through
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Speaker 1: our old ideas and then Kylie is going to step
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Speaker 1: through our new ideas the evolution of how to make
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Speaker 1: mornings magic. So in the old days, it was very
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Speaker 1: much about getting the kids independent, about getting the kids
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Speaker 1: to make stuff happen. The first thing that we've always
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Speaker 1: emphasized is that the morning begins the night before. This
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Speaker 1: means getting uniforms ready, or getting school bags ready, or
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Speaker 1: making decisions about the next day before bed, things like
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Speaker 1: what are we going to have for breakfast, what are
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Speaker 1: we going to have for lunch, making sure that the
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Speaker 1: right stuff's in the fridge so that everything goes smoothly
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Speaker 1: the next day. Morning begins the night before, especially in
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Speaker 1: terms of prep and decisions, core components that really haven't
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Speaker 1: changed even with the new thinking. But you'll talk more
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Speaker 1: about that shortly. We also focused very much on making
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Speaker 1: sure that we got up ten fifteen minutes earlier than
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Speaker 1: we normally would so that we could be ready, and
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Speaker 1: then getting the kids up ten fifteen minutes earlier so
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Speaker 1: that they've got a bit more margin in their morning
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Speaker 1: they don't have to rush. But essentially, at the very
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Speaker 1: core of it, the making Morning's Magic formula that we
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Speaker 1: built is about keeping the kids moving, getting them following
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Speaker 1: their list, making sure that they've got plenty of autonomy
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Speaker 1: and what's happening, and being there to support them while
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Speaker 1: they do it. So that's the old way and it
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Speaker 1: served us very very well for the majority of our
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Speaker 1: child rearing, with all six of our kids, Kylie, things
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Speaker 1: have changed. We have some new ideas. How do you
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Speaker 1: think that mornings have shifted as we've just kept on
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Speaker 1: practicing and practicing the things that are important to us.
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Speaker 2: So with teenagers in the house, it's a little bit
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Speaker 2: harder to get them up, so early in the mornings,
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Speaker 2: and I just was noticing that it was actually causing
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Speaker 2: a bit of contention.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, from about the age of what maybe eleven or twelve, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: we find that the kids don't want to get up anymore,
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Speaker 1: like when they're little, they can't wait to get out
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Speaker 1: of bed, and then they're.
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Speaker 2: Usually jumping or knocking on the door, jumping on our bed,
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Speaker 2: knocking on the door to wake us up way too early.
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Speaker 2: But I realized that this was causing a lot of
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Speaker 2: anngs in the house, and I just I wanted to
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Speaker 2: take that away. And so one of the things that
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Speaker 2: we've done. While we still recognize that the best mornings
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Speaker 2: begin the night before, we've let the kids sleep in
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Speaker 2: a little bit more right and given them just a
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Speaker 2: much slower start. You and I are very different with mornings.
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Speaker 2: I really like to just wake up in my own time,
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Speaker 2: and I might read for ten or fifteen minutes. I
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Speaker 2: really just enjoy being able to be there without the
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Speaker 2: necessity to jump out of bed.
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Speaker 1: And I jump out of bed at about four thirty
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Speaker 1: and go and ride or swim or run or do something,
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Speaker 1: and I come back at six thirty or seven o'clock.
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Speaker 1: A million miles an hour. I'm like, why is everyone
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Speaker 1: still in bed? What's going on? So there's been a
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Speaker 1: hard adjustment for me to step into a slower start
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Speaker 1: to the day, but it has felt different and felt good.
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Speaker 2: It's felt way better, and the kids have responded better
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Speaker 2: to it. So that idea that fast is slow and
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Speaker 2: slow as fast, I think, has really come to fruition
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Speaker 2: in our morning routine.
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Speaker 1: And we actually talked about this just recently on and
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Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow. You had said to me, we
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Speaker 1: need to slow down so we can go fast. It's
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Speaker 1: kind of like when you're doing a maths problem with
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Speaker 1: a child who is doing long division or doing some algebra,
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Speaker 1: and they're getting a head full of steam. They're getting
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Speaker 1: really emotional and they keep on making mistakes, but when
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Speaker 1: you slow them down, they actually move through it more
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Speaker 1: fluently with fewer mistakes because the process is happening gently.
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Speaker 1: It's the same thing, right. We've taken the rigidity and
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Speaker 1: the pressure out of the mornings, which is really hard
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Speaker 1: to do because sometimes you've got to get out the
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Speaker 1: door there is stuff to be done. But this seems
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Speaker 1: to be working.
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Speaker 2: Because everything's done the night before. Their uniforms are out,
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Speaker 2: their school bags are packed, their shoes are ready to go.
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Speaker 2: In the morning, they literally have to get up, put
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Speaker 2: their uniform on, have some breakfast, brush their hair, brush
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Speaker 2: their teeth, and except for making a few decisions around lunch,
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Speaker 2: they're done.
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Speaker 1: And we have found so very much that by making
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Speaker 1: those decisions about breakfast and lunch the night before, even
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Speaker 1: that makes things so much smoother. I mean, when the
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Speaker 1: kids don't know what to have for breakfast, you end
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Speaker 1: up waiting fifteen or twenty minutes while they stare at
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Speaker 1: the fridge, and they stare at the pantry and they
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Speaker 1: get distracted and they don't want to do this, or
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Speaker 1: they want something but we don't have it, and so
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Speaker 1: you've got to work out how in the world do
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Speaker 1: I leave the kids here and have time to get
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Speaker 1: to the shops. Like it's really really tricky to do
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Speaker 1: all of that. There's got to be better solutions, and
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Speaker 1: we've found that that night before, making those decisions, especially
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Speaker 1: around the food stuff, makes such a difference.
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Speaker 2: And I think the other thing that's been really important
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Speaker 2: with the changes we've made is that you and I
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Speaker 2: are a lot more involved. In the early days, we
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Speaker 2: kind of gave them their list, and we created the
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Speaker 2: structure and the routine for them, but we tried to
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Speaker 2: give them the autonomy to work through the list at
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Speaker 2: their own pace and in their own way. But it
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Speaker 2: meant that we were kind of constantly kind of having
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Speaker 2: to jab at them. It's what it felt like to them.
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Speaker 2: I'm sure you know these gentle reminders, but at the
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Speaker 2: end of the day, Mum and Dad are just aut
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Speaker 2: me all the time. I've got to keep moving through.
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Speaker 2: Whereas by doing what we've done, we've actually taken a
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Speaker 2: lot of things of the less The kids used to
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Speaker 2: have to do jobs in the morning before school, but
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Speaker 2: because we've actually got a longer commute than we've had
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Speaker 2: for a little while, we just kind of felt like,
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Speaker 2: let's just simplify this. Let's just make this as peaceful
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Speaker 2: as start to their day as possible, because it sets
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Speaker 2: them up beautifully.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, So slowing things down, making decisions ahead of time,
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Speaker 1: being involved, and being part of the process, and simplifying
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Speaker 1: they're the four amendments. They're the four ways that our
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Speaker 1: magic mornings have evolved. And what has happened as a
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Speaker 1: result of that is that our children are easier to
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Speaker 1: deal with and in slowing down, we do see that
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Speaker 1: things get done with a whole lot less fuss. One
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Speaker 1: question that I think a lot of people will be
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Speaker 1: listening to this conversation and feeling free straight up by
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Speaker 1: is but what about those days where you've got a hurry?
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Speaker 1: What about those days where you've got to get out
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Speaker 1: the door, and for some families that is kind of
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Speaker 1: every day, right, What do you do on those days?
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Speaker 2: The key to everything is everything begins the night before.
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Speaker 2: So if you know that you've got an early start tomorrow,
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Speaker 2: then maybe it means it's a pre packed lunch, so
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Speaker 2: it's actually all done the night before. But what I've
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Speaker 2: actually noticed we've had a couple of mornings at the
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Speaker 2: end of term where we had to be there half
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Speaker 2: an hour early, like it was a big deal. We're
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Speaker 2: usually maybe on time and maybe a little bit not
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Speaker 2: on time a lot of the time. But this was
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Speaker 2: a particularly stressful morning. But I noticed that it actually
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Speaker 2: wasn't stressful because everything had been done the night before
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Speaker 2: and it was just and that morning I actually said
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Speaker 2: to the kids, We're not even going to make lunches today.
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Speaker 2: You can just have touch shop. It was a really
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Speaker 2: easy way to kind of get out of the stress
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Speaker 2: and the strain and get out the door on time.
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Speaker 2: Until we got a flat tire and that changed everything fast.
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Speaker 2: You can't plan for everything.
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Speaker 1: You can't plan for everything, I know. But I think
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Speaker 1: what's critically important here is when you do the prep,
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Speaker 1: when you know what you need, when you make arrangements
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Speaker 1: to get things organized, when decisions are made ahead of time,
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Speaker 1: you can slow things down. The other thing is we
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Speaker 1: often make a big deal about leaving on time when
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Speaker 1: the deadlines aren't nearly as serious as we make them
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Speaker 1: out to be.
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Speaker 2: And I think what I'm noticing in our kids is
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Speaker 2: that they just live in this world of rush all
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Speaker 2: the time. You know, I talk to you about one
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Speaker 2: our nine year old who constantly is frustrated because she's
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Speaker 2: halfway through something at school and she's told she has
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Speaker 2: to pack up and move on to the next subject.
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Speaker 2: It's like they don't ever get time to just move
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Speaker 2: through things at their own pace. They're always being shoved
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Speaker 2: to the next activity, the next activity. So whatever I
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Speaker 2: can do on my end to just slow things down
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Speaker 2: and allow them to have the time that they need
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Speaker 2: to transition in more natural ways, the better and happier
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Speaker 2: my children.
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Speaker 1: Are making Morning's magic, the old and the evolved. We
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Speaker 1: hope that this has been helpful for dealing with those
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Speaker 1: time crunch moments in your family across the next week
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Speaker 1: or so as the kids head back to school. Thank
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Speaker 1: you so much for listening to the Happy Families podcast,
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Speaker 1: produced by Justin Rawan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
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Speaker 1: our executive producer. If you would like more information about
10:19
Speaker 1: how to make your family happier, please visit us at
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Speaker 1: happy families dot com dot au