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Introducing Untraditionally Lala with Ambyr Childers · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, we are back, but we are a
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: little bit different but a little bit the same. I
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: feel like I don't even know what intro I want
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: to go with yet, because normally when you hear my voice,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: I say hello, gorgeous, But I'm like, is that still
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: on brand?
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I don't know, so welcome back, friends.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I took a little bit of a break because I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: really wanted to hone in on what I'm about these days.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: And I've had the Give Them Lalla podcast for I
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: want to say around six years and it was a
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: wonderful experience. I loved everything we spoke about. I loved
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: all of the co hosts that I had, all of
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: the guests. But Give Them La La was just something
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: that came to be for those of you who watch
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Banner Pump Rules see where I just wanted to shove
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: myself down everybody's throat, whether you liked it or not.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: And as I grew.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Up, some may say that still hasn't happened, but it
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: depends on who you ask. If you're asking me, I
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: like to say I am very evolved now with age
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and two kids, I just felt like Give Them Lalla
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: was it just didn't sit right anymore. I felt like
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: we had outgrown it. I felt like it was juvenile
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: in a time in my life that was wonderful, but
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I'll never be going back to. And as I was
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: kind of sitting with my thoughts and going what does
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: my life represent? What do I want this podcast to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: be about? What really rings true to me? And tradition
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: kept coming into play and how my life is very
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: untraditional yet it's so normal to me, and some people
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: are very open and excited and inspired about my normal
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: and others really do not like to break outside of
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: the box that society tries to put us in.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: So untraditionally.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: La La is my new podcast, and I am so
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: freaking excited for this new chapter. I'm going to have
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: wonderful guests. It's going to open a conversation about life.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: And the cards were dealt and it doesn't always go
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the way we planned. I know.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I woke up on my.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Thirty fifth birthday and was like, Wow, this was not
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: a part of the plan. But I'm so happy because
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: in all of the things that I didn't get to choose,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I was given so many choices to still live the
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: life that I so desperately just want to live, and
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: you guys know I'm a crier, so just get used
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: to that. That part has not changed. I really want
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: to just shine a light on people who have thought
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: that their life was going to go one way and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: it went the complete opposite direction, and they took life
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: by the ovaries and said, fuck this. It may be
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: the complete opposite of what I thought life was going
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: to be like, but I'm going to choose what i
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: want out of life with the situation that I've been given.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So my first guest, some of you or most of
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: you are going to know her from the show You
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: or Ray Donovan. She's got a very impressive resume, but
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: to me, she's my other co parent. We share a
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: baby daddy. She's my sister wife Amber Childers. Welcome God.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: That was so beautiful.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: It was a tangent that hasn't changed either.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: That. Damn good. Thank you for having me.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: I'm really excited.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous because our friendship and our relationship
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: has remained very private for many years. Whether we've been
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: in the lowest of lows or the highest of highs,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: it's kind of just been the two of us, and
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: it's been very sacred to me, and I'm really grateful
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: that you're doing my podcast and you're my first guest.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: I know it's we've been talking about you know, we've
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: been through a lot, and we've you know, like you said,
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: we've kept everything really private. And I think that there's
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: a time where like either I'm like, okay, I think
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I'm ready to kind of just like inspire not go
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: out and talk shit or you know, hurt people's feelings
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: or you know, but heal and this is part of
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: like my healing, which is a continuous journey for me.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: But maybe you weren't ready, and then you were ready,
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: and then I wasn't ready. So I'm so glad that
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: we finally here. We are Timing twenty twenty five. I
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Timing is everything, it.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Really is, and I think about life and there are
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: certain situations where I'm like, time heals everything. Time makes
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: everything a little bit easier to stomach, and it can
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: be your best friend or your worst enemy, because time
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: passing freaks me out. But it's also, like you said,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: what heals a lot of wounds and puts people on
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: the same parallel path. And I think a lot of
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: people can go back and think about how our relationship
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: because we couldn't call it a friendship back then, how
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: it definitely not started and without you know, making a
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: certain someone the forefront of all of it and making
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: that person more of just like a common denominator, a silhouette,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: if you will, how you and I started, and then
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: how we got as close as we got, Like what
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: is what is your perspective on that? And how do
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: you remember things?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: My goodness, you know.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: I sometimes I don't even think about any thing when
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: when it comes to that stuff, but then something will
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: come up and I it feels like and that's just
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: part of like healing, right, And there's like healing is
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: not linear, and you can't teach someone that, like time heals,
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: you have to experience. And I had this conversation with London.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: My eldest.
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: For those you obviously know London, but for those listening,
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: she just went through a breakup and I just can't.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: I couldn't explain to her more that like, honey, time
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: will make it better, and she goes, mom, but it
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: feels like my heart has been broken.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I know what that feels like.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and not just once, but like multiple times, and
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I promise you, like, we're going to get through this
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: one day at a time and you're gonna be okay.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: So sometimes I you know, I see the relationship that
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: our children have and it is the most beautiful, unexpected,
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: untraditional way. But if there's anything that I wanted to
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: teach my girls out of my experience that I had
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: with you was the power of forgiveness. And it's not easy,
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: and like you you can forgive a million times over
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: every single day, but I am so grateful that I
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: just like literally was like if I don't forgive and
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: learn how to forgive, because you remember, I grew up
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: in a Mormon church, Like forgiveness was like that's the
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: first thing you go to. But true forgiveness you it's
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: for yourself, it's not for the other person, right, And
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: when someone explained it to me that way, I was like, oh, okay, yeah,
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: because I don't want to keep suffering. And I suffered
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: for a long time. It was like that that scratch
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: that you that would heal and then you would just
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: like pick at it and then would start bleeding again,
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: and then it would scab again. Then you it's like,
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: but why, It's like in this constant.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Like cycle, this loop of self sabotage, self pity, self torture,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: and I was like, you get to a point where
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: you're just like, no more, I'm done, and you have
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: to have that gift of desperation where you're just like,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: to live like this anymore. I do this thing where
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: and I don't do it often, but there are certain
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: times in my life, and there's two that I can pinpoint.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: It's when it has to do with the passing of
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: my dad and my sobriety. Where I will go back
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: and watch old seasons of vander Pump Rules, and I
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: watch season seven the beginning a lot to kind of
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: remind myself where I was at when my dad passed
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: away and how dark that place was. And it sounds
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: like I'm some like emotional masochist, but it's really to
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: just remind myself how far we've come and how different
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: things are. But I was watching and I know you
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: don't watch vander Pump, but I was watching season six
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: and it was the first season where I wasn't hiding
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: my relationship and I wanted to punch my own self
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: in the face. I truly cannot imagine what it was
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: like for you to watch that person me at that
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: time and go, this is the person who came in.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm using the right word destroyed
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: my my family is the person that's potentially going to
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: be around my children. I would have lost my mind.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Do you want to like, am I allowed to ask,
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: like what your mindset was when, like if you'd seen clips,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: or like what was your headspace?
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: My initial reaction for everything in life is I go nam, oh,
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: like I don't see I think actually, as I've gotten older,
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: my hormones have like changed a little bit perimenopause. I
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: see red sometimes okay, but then other times where I
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: just want to numb the fuck out because the feeling,
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: the feelings are just too big for me to manage.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: So I think during that time, I didn't know how
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: to cope. So for me, it was just like go
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: in and I just like, you just want to die.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: You just want to die? Yeah, but I didn't know.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't die. I didn't die. You wanted to do what
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you didn't. Those are very very different things. After the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: the ball started rolling and it was like okay, this
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: person because you and I had had moments because I
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: was a very different version of myself when I was drinking.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Once I got sober, I feel like you and I
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: were able. It wasn't always roses like we had our
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: we had our outs, but yeah we did. Know there
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: were times where we were be on the phone, Amber
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: and I'd be like, this girl should be on reality TV.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: She shouldn't be an actress. You're talking about me?
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you bitch, ghost toes because I was being dramatic.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: No, the two of us a bitch at each other
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: on the phone.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: I know, I know.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Do you remember we'd be on the phone and be like,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: fuck you bitch. It was a wild yeah yeah, yeah,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: but now I'm a mom.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: And by the way, I actually haven't thought about that
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: in a long time.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: My girl, Remember where I was so mean?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing, though, Amber, No matter no matter what
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: the reasoning of how it happened, let me tell you,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: had I been sober and where I am now and
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: the woman I am now, it would have never happened.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: But I have to trust that the universe had a
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: plan for me my path. Your path was written in
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: the star as well. Before we even got here and
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: we were equipped with all the tools to manage the heartbreak,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: the trauma, all of the things. Like and even if
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: that's not true, I have to tell myself that that
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: was the plan. Yeah.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: If I don't tell myself that, I will go crazy.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: I will beat myself up until I can't get out
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: of bed. So going back and looking at how it happened,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: had I been in my right frame of mind, I would.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Have been able to say the math ain't math in.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: But that's the point of life, Like we are in
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: the school of life. If you're not evolving, Like, why
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: are you on this earth right? And it doesn't matter
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: what age, like, you are meant to go on this path.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: I'm meant to go on this path. And it just
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: so happened that our past fetched and crossed and then
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: here we are today.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that part is we're okay, We're great, and I
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: love having you in my life. I feel like you're
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: a sister to me. We're for ever going to be
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: family because of our kids.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: And I think, you know.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: It's very normal. You hear about people who get divorced
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: and then like new partners come in and they can
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: all go to dinner. It is very that you hear
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: a situation where there was a cheating scandal that happened
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: and the wife forgives. I'm gonna put it in quotes
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: because I still refuse to call myself a mistress. A mistress?
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Am I a mistress? I don't know.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you are, I don't know what it's like.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: What is the definition of a definition of a mistress?
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Is?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: This is someone who's married.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: So even if you know, even if you know, but
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I should have known, you should the math was not mathing.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: And I like it to drink and numb it and
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: go know everything that you're filling in your gut. Just drink,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: You'll just numb it. That's true, all right? So yeah,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: technically I am. It's very rare that the wifer gives
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: the mistress and then the mistress and the wife stay.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: We're like getting the kids together.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: It's like that other movie than Nick Cassavetti's movie that
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: I was talking about, The Other Woman.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: We are, Well, I'm the other woman.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Leslie Man. I think I'm Leslie Man in that movie. Right,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: she was the wife you are? And then the third
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: where's the third? Okay? So where we are? Now? What
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: would you say the turning point in our in our
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: relationship wise when.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: I okay, I I know the turning point for me
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: was when you called me one day when your name
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: I had you under Lalla by the way, it wasn't
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: anything other than that. And I answered it and you're
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: like can you talk? And I said okay, sure, and
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: you literally just made amends to me. And I never
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: thought that day would come. And it's everything that I
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: needed in my healing, and that allowed me to have
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: the closure I needed between.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: You and I because I know you're not a bad person.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: You weren't a bad person.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Maybe you made bad choices, yeah, but fuck it, I
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: make bad choices all the time.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: We had a conversation the other day where you said
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: you get protective of me when you see certain things,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: and that meant so much to me.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah I even did back then because I know our
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: story and I know the details of it, and it's
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: like and again, maybe this is from like a you know,
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: being brought up with a religious background. If you ask
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: my youngest daughter, she'd be like, well, you're a cancer,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: so you're just too sensitive. I don't I never wanted
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: people to be mean to you, like because that doesn't
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: that doesn't help the healing at all. Like I imagine putting
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: myself in your shoes, how I would feel about myself
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: if I you know, if I did that, You're beating
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: yourself up enough.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: I know you now, knowing you, I know.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: What you were experiencing, and I didn't want that for you. Well,
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: thank you, And you had Ocean like your job was
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: to show up and be the best mom and show
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: up for your own mom who was going through her
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: own grief. Yeah, and Easton like, I I don't know,
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it is. I just needed the
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: I needed that phone call for myself, for my girls
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: right to move past. And I think I do get
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: very protective of the people I love, and I do
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: love you.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I love you too a lot. You're my sister wife.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: I always say it because people cannot make sense of it.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, this is just our very untraditional little
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: family that we have created and it works for us.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: And you're doing single motherhood and you're in a different
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: phase than me, So like I'm calling you wondering how
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: I do single motherhood with a four and a half
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: year old, and you can talk me through it, because
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: they share genes, right, I'm like sometimes I look at
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: her and I'm like, this doesn't make sense. I don't
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Oh there was another person, you know.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: I tell you all the time.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: Shit, I tell London and Riley all the time.
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, you guys, if you ever get married,
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: the first thing that we're gonna do is we're going
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: to scan their brain. That's like a non negotiable. I
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: love this brain scan. And they're like, you nuts. I'm like, yeah,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: I am nuts kind of, but no, seriously, Like I
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: I look at you, and I see ocean, and I
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: hear the stories, and I see like she's just so
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: friggin adorable, Like this is gonna go by so fascinating
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: I am dealing with. I always say, remember little kids,
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: little problems, Big kids, big problems.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And as they get older, it's just it gets
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: just it's tough, it gets tough.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: How are you balancing raising? Because Riley is now eleven,
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I've known her since she was three. She's always had
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: like a very special personality. Like at the moment I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: saw her, she had a twinkle in her eye. I
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: was like, you have a twinkle like Santa Claus London
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: was my not my hour, our EMO child, and like
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I saw her when and when she would go through things.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I so feel for you right now, Like
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I'm in the trenches with you. How do you balance
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: what each kid who's very different, what they need, what
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: they've been through, and also what you need out of
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: life because you had them very young, you're a young person.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: How do you still live your life while giving them
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: what they need in their life.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: It's a really hard balance and it takes a village.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Meaning like I really lean on my mom and my dad,
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: and they have really stepped in this past year to
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: help me navigate, you know, dealing with with London and
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: you know, her challenges that she faces. And then there's
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Riley who's coming. She's in sixth grade and in completely
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: new state in a completely.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: New school because you moved to Montana.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Moved to Montana, so she went from private school to
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: public school in a new town with new people, a
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: new environment, new like you know, we're going to experience
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: all four seasons. It's if I think too much about
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: the future, I start tripping. I'm like, oh shit, Like
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not married. How do I keep my shit together?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Like I think about London's future.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: I think about Riley and I'm like, Okay, where are
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: we going to make her an athlete? Like are we
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: going to force her to like find that sport that
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: she likes her? She but she's really like artistic and
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: she wants to be an actor. And it's like it's
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: it's hard and there's no there's no answer because if
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: there was no one would be sitting on a couch
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: talking about how to.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Be the perfect parent.
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: Right, there's no there's no rule book. And like God
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: literally gave me two kids that are so different from
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: each other. And I love that though, because I get
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: to see the beauty in each one of them. And
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: you're gonna experience that with Sosa and Ocean. They're gonna
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: be so different, right you know? And I I have
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: to pause throughout the day and like remind myself, Okay,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: which kid am I talking to? I know I had
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: to turn my phone off or London would literally call
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: me like five times. Yeah, Like when London calls me,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: I know that she needs more the emotional side, Like
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: she just wants someone to listen to, Like if she's
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: upset about something, that means that I have to shut
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: my fucking mouth and just listen, okay, And that's what
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: all kids want at fifteen. Most of the time, they
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: just want someone, especially girls, they want someone to listen. Riley,
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: on the other hand, she's getting to be a little
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: more sassy. Like we just like are entering the sixth
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: grade and we're experiencing like I'm starting to see changes
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: in her that I've never seen before. So that like
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: beautiful little twinkle. And she literally was when I had her,
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I was going through a very dark time in my
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: family life, and she gave me that rayl light. I
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, this child's from God like this this
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: one was like God like, I got you, here's this one.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: And she was the best baby. And she everything was
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: just like super easy.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: And she'd never even when she was sick and she
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: had like snon she was throwing up, she would just.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: Be smiling and I just.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Like, who are you?
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: Who are you that? And she would remember when she
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: would get like a guitar and sing. She would go
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: to say Shabbat right on Friday. She would come home,
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: she'd grab my little acoustic guitar that like I got
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: on the set of Ray Donovan and she would sit
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: there and like strum and sing like who are you?
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no I and.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Then she'd get on the treadmill human and like run
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: at like three she's like I'm working.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: I'm just like wow, old.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Soul, sery, old soul. But now you're going through that
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: tween stage with her, because then they get sassy and
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: they like, OK, gonna hear story always.
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: Two days ago, so we're at.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: This new school and she's I signed her up.
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: Literally, I'm that parent now tennis, track, basketball, volleyball.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: You name it, and she's gonna do pick a ball.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: But I said, okay, you're going to take the bus
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: from the middle school to the high school, which is
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: like two miles from each other. It's like nothing, and
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: she already has friends in the whole bit. She's like,
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: I don't want to do tennis. I want to do
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: pick a ball. And I said, well, I love that
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: you want to do pick a ball, but you're going
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: to try all different sports and then we could like
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: have a family meeting and decide which ones that you
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: really love, okay, And she's like, no, I don't want it,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, you're going.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: She has a phone.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: I'm at home unpacking boxes and She's like hi, I said, hi,
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: are you on the bus? And she goes, no, I
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: told you it was going on the bus.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: What I was like, huh oh, oh my god, I
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have the ready set match. Let's go, bitch.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, I said, how about this. Now
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: you get a walk home from school and it's literally
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: like a mile a mile.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, great distance, great distance.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: And there's tons of kids that walk, like and ride
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: their bike.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: It's like down where you live, it's gorgeous. Yeah.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: So I'm welcome for the walk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by the.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: Way, yes. And I was like, you're walking. She's like,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: but I don't want to.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I go, I don't care. So I hang up the phone.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: She calls me back. It's fifteen minutes to walk home.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, that sounds like
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: a great walk.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: See you're in fifteen minutes.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Bye. And now, of course, because I'm like the investigator
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: investigator that I am, I look on her like map
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: and now I'm like fuming because I'm pissed that she
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: was like, I'm not going on the bus. I didn't
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: go on the bus, you know what I mean. I've
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: never done that my mom. I was like so afraid
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: of her that I didn't want to like fuck up
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: in any area of my life. So I was like.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It just you know, I was telling you, I see red.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: That's where I was like. So I called my mom.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: I said, Mom, what do I do? And she goes
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: go pick her up and take her to practice and
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: make her explain to her coach why she was late,
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: and I.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Go, genius, genius tapp in the og parents, yep, yeah, thank.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: God, thank you, thank you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Mom.
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: So I get in the car and I am just
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: like feeling empowered, and I'm watching and watching her on
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: her iPhone, like tracking her. She's not moving, she's not
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: even she did so not only does she not get
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: on the bus, but she's not leaving school okay, she's
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: not even attempting to walk okay. And it's like, eaty
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: degrees outside is beautiful.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh this, I mean, I'm going.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: So I pull up to the school and she's sitting
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: on the bench. What sitting on the bench like this?
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I said.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: She gets in the car. I go, were you even
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: gonna attempt to walk home for dinner? And she's like no,
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: And I said, and then then of course I got
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: the like doctor Amon in my mind going like firm
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: but kind, and I'm like, I don't want to be
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: fucking kind right now. It just defined me. So I said,
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: you disrespected me at the highest level, like not only
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: you basically said fuck you to mom. And I said that,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I said, you said fuck you to mom. And I'm
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: gonna choose not to get in the car.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I said, you're going to practice.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: She goes, but I'm in a sweater.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: I said, I don't care if you sweat your balls off.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: You knew you were going to tennis today. I reminded
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: you this morning and last night before. So I dropped
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: her off. Yeah, now she's crying.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm like okay, And.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: She goes out to her friends. She sees like a
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: group of girls and I'm like, oh see, those girls.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: Look like they're in sixth grade. There's like tons of kids.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: It's like at the high school, which is like beautiful,
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: and she goes over there. She starts crying, and you know, Riley, Riley,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: that kid is like she doesn't shed a tear for anything.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: She is like a scorpio through and through.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: So she goes and She's crying now in front of
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: her friends. And this little girl looks back at me
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: and like she's clearly telling her what like that she
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: got in trouble. And this little girl looked at She's
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: like and I was like, fucking comfort you too, don't
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: even start with me.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: And make you watch.
• 26:20
  Speaker 3: And then I had, by the way, now I have
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: ten miles till till I'm empty, okay, so I go
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: straight to the gas station. I was like, okay, well,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: I don't want my daughter to pass out, so she
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: prota to get her a gatorade. So I'm pumping my
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: gas and I go and get a gatorade.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I come out.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: I'm now on the phone with my mom telling her
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: and my sister on face. I'm telling everything that's happened,
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: and I'm now fuming because I'm doing the thing where
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: I ripped a bandid off and I'm like, keep scratching
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: at the surface.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: I'm like reliving that anger. And what do I drew? Did?
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: I literally drove off with the gas still in the
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Then this cowboy was like, ma'am, ma'am.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, oh my god.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: And now how different than La they'd be like you.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Fucking dumb BG. Yeah yeah yeah.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: By the way, that's five hundred dollars. So I'm literally
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: mid mouth because like when I when I and we'll talk,
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: you know, if you want, we could talk about addiction.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: But like for me, now I go to food and
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: so I had I had a diet coke in one
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: hand and an almond joy like in my mouth.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, what accell in combo?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, weird combo.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: But it's like the coconut, the cocaine and the diet
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: coke don't really mix together. But at that point I
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: didn't carry just needed needed the fix. Okay, So I
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: go back, I pick her up. We go to the
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: grocery store.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: And she goes you also don't get pregnant. At eighteen,
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: I was coming.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: I was like, now this bitch is gonna double down.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Well she's doubling now. Now I'm crying. Now she now
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: she like hit my inner like my cancer. And I'm
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: like trying to like I'm looking out the window, trying
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: like not to see her that.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: She's like like he really hurt my feelings at this point,
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: and I'm just like, dude, I want to stay over.
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: So I go home, I end up cooking dinner and
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: I said, you're getting fucking can soup for dinner tonight
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: and broccoli And that's what I made her.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: It's a lovely dinner.
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, tomato soup, progresso.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Excellent, top shelf soup if you ask me.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: And she's had a vegetable.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: Back to full circle, that's what it's like.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Raising that's like a day in the life of sounds
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: very entertaining to me. Yeah, And then I loved the story.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Girl has balls, that is for sure.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: And by the way, I'm so down with that for
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: now because I know when she gets older.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: You want her to have that, you want her to
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: have this stamina, you know what. I think about that
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: with Ocean all the time, because the girl does not
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: let up. She does not.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: It's exhausting.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: She's a mad and I'm like, you know what, I'm
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: not going to try to fix this. It's exhausting. But
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: like out in the real world, like you're gonna go
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: places because you don't take notes, you will beat someone
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: down until they're like fine.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: But that's the hard things, like how do you earn
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: how do you get your kids to earn respect? But
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: then you don't want to like ruin that.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: It's a very fine balance, I know, and it's kind
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: of trial and error. I want to wrap back around
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: because you said you're dating. You and I were the
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: opposite when when we left the silhouette of the person
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I went into like, I'm doing background checks, I'm not dating.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: I'm moving my family out here, and I'm just gonna
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: like incubate and not give myself to any soul. You
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: are like, I believe in love. I want to be
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: on every dating app and like it inspires me. But
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: you've had a lot of boyfriends, and I'm like, where
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: are you finding them? Not a lot of boyfriends. I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say that I've dated. First of all, you've had
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: boyfriends in the course of a year. That's a lot.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: That's not that's true.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: I'm saying you bad men.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Where are they?
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: How do you find that this is not an insult? Is
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: a compliment you?
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: No, it is an insult because I'm not a whatever
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: you call that.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not a serial dater.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Well yeah, maybe at one point I was, but that's exhausting.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, So let's just clear up what thing.
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: I did not get on the dating apps until January
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: of this past year.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, so the dating apps are recent, Yeah, they are recent.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to. I don't.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: I'm I believe in old school love, like I want
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: to be meeting at a coffee shop. Yes, okay, but
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: so many of my friends were like, dude, it's not
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: going to happen, like you just need to at.
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: Least in La. I think La, and like the bigger cities.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: It's really I actually know, it's really difficult.
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, and so but I would either get introduced to
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: people or my manager would set me up or I
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: what I realized in dating is this, and this is
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: why I think they call it duty dating.
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: But dating is so important. It's like I really learned
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: about what I wanted and what I liked. It was
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: more about selfishly, about understanding who I am as a person,
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: and I didn't have that because I got married at
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: twenty I had my first baby at twenty one.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: That is a baby. When I was twenty one, I
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: was passed out in downtown Salt Lake on a spike
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: bracelet to a cop telling me to get the fuck up.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I love you. You are a wild one, but it's
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: where are these men not in La? Well I found
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: one in Oh.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: She's so wild to me. You're like, I'm leaving La.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: There's nothing here. I'm taking a year. I'm moving to Montana.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: I'm like she calls me, She's like, I got a boyfriend.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I'm dating this guy. I was like, that's so wonderful
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: you met some When he's like, yeah, I'm gonna come
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: out to LA to see him, I'm like, oh he
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: lives in LA. What Yeah?
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean listen to the world. Like, so, I've
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: reached a point in my life where I just I
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: believe in God. So whatever your higher power is, that's
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: like great, But for me.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: to control anything. It's exhausting.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this goes back to like in my
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: early twenties when I was like, I don't want to
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: control anyone. I don't want to like I want to
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: handle my side of the street and that's it. And
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: like I feel like that's where.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Is that so variety that's come into play, Like when
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: you're like, I want to keep my side of the
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: street clean.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: I don't want to control things. I want to hand
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: it over to God.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Did you learn that when you decided to get sober, Yeah,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: and you just implemented it in all areas.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: In a matter of life.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: So I was I got sober for two years, but
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: I wasn't working a program. And but for me personally,
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: I need a spiritual program in order to I need
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: something that's bigger than me, because it's not like it's
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: all about self pity, woe is me? Like I don't
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: want to live that way, and I know the best
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: way for me to show up being a sober person.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: And by the way, like it's just today, I only
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: have today. Who I don't know what the fuck I
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: have tomorrow. Of course, I don't know if if I'll
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: be here tomorrow or if something will set me off,
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: but just for today, like I'm sober and I'm happy,
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: and I think like the best version of myself is
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: without using drugs or alcohol.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that that's the best way also
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: to raise children, Like.
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: I don't want my kids to be around you know
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: a mom who is using substance or sees like orange
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: bottles all over the house or like it's it's not
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: what I want.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So I think about that all the time that like
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I feel so fortunate that I got to a place
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: where I was wanting, I was begging for sobriety well
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: before I got sober in twenty eighteen. Ocean was born
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one, And I love knowing that I
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: had that kind of under my belt before I brought
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: a child into the world, because had it been the
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: other way around and she came before sobriety like.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: It would have, it would have been awful. Yeah, I
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: mean so bad.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: I came in through well, I came in through alan On,
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: so my codependance or my codepency, which I had and
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: I heal every day from. I didn't understand why I
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: kept choosing bad relationships, like really bad relations I didn't
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: understand I have a great father, My parents have been
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: married for forty something years, Like why do I feel
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: so broken?
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: It's wild Amber, because we kind of like I witnessed
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: the same kind of thing. Yeah, Like my parents were together,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: they were like completely normal, healthy. I watched them go
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: through ups and downs and come out on top together.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: So the fact that you and I both experienced that
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: in our households and then just kind of went in
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: a different direction is something that I wish someone could
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: explain to me. How many people want to say it
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: is because you have daddy issues. I'm like, that cannot
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: be it.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, do I have daddy issues? Well, maybe
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: I have mommy issues. Maybe I have it's not it's
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: it's I have I have the most amazing parents and
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: they're not perfect, but like they're perfect just the way
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: they are right, And it was real and I still
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: go through this, like in every new relationship I enter
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: or or I start dating. I like, it's such a
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: great time to like self reflect and like get to know.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Amber a little bit more totally.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: And it's it's sometimes it doesn't end up being because
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: I really want them, and so like I I will,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: you know, I'll do the chase, but.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Like I don't want that.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: I don't want what's not mine, like or what's meant
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: for me.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want that. I love that. I don't want
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: what's not mine. My God, that is.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: So what I say.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: I heard this on a podcast, But when I pray,
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: I say, God, if like is for me, let it
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: be known. And if he's not, I give you permission
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: to remove him.
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: And I didn't.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: I heard that somewhere on a podcast, but I when
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: I did hear that? I go, oh my god. That's
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: another version of just like letting it go because I
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: am a hopeless romantic. Yeah, I love love like I
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: know you do. I love love.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: I know it makes me so happy, and I know.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: That not everyone's gonna be for me, And that was
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: something that was really hard for me to learn. Right,
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: is like step one, not numbing yourself out. Going on
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: a date sober is freakin' hard. Like when I first
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: started dating and I was sober, I was like, who
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: am I? Like, I didn't know how to manage these emotions.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: But now I have tools that I could use, and like,
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: I actually can also listen to my body sober. I
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: love that, Like I'm not running on like Xanax and
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: not understanding like, oh, I'm gonna numb myself out because
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: like totally these feelings are too big for me to manage.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: It's like, okay, now what are these feelings?
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Is it hinpointing them?
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Are you just nervous in the moment? Okay, that's
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: actually exciting. It's fun to be like feel like a
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: teenager and like be fifteen again and have those butterfly feelings.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: But are or are these like is.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: This person doing something, saying something, or like moving in
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: a way that is triggering. That's true, that reminding you
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: of maybe a past relationship. And so now I get
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: to ask these questions when I leave a date. And yeah,
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: I moved to Montana and and low and behold. I
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: went to the bank like no one does anymore, and
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: because I'm like so old school, and I ran into
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: someone that I hadn't seen in a long time, and
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: he thought I was dating someone. I was like, oh, no, no, no,
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: I'm not dating anyone. And he's like, let me take
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: you to dinner. Like okay, but I'm leaving just so
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: you know, like I literally am leaving in like I'm
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: literally here to wire money for the new house.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like I'm leaving, I'm leaving moving.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: And by the way, what was so great at that
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: point I had gone I dated a handful of people
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: to where I knew that even if that relationship was
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: going to work, I wasn't staying. Like I knew that
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: this is like I'm in my lane now, like you
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: have to fit into my life and we will make
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: our lives beautiful together. I wasn't gonna let anyone derail
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: me and let my codependency sneak in to like change
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: my mind.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: So I was like okay, and and he's like, well,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: are you driving?
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Are you flying?
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: I said no, no, I'm gonna put my car listen. I
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: could barely make it to Palm Springs, like with the traffic,
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: like I'm not driving to Montana. And he was like,
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: let's drive. And I was like, mm, nah, I'm not driving.
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: Like that sounds you know, it just sounds awful. Yeah,
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: it sounds awful, thank you.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: And I was thinking about it. I was like, whoa
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: wait a second. You're in this season of doing things
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: that you don't want to do and like be open minded, right,
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: And I was.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Like, you know what, fuck it, let's go. And you
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: guys made it. Like how long is that drive? That's
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: like a real road trip.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: It's a real road trip.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: It's like sixteen and a half. And we stayed over
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: in Salt Lake or yeah, outside of Salt Lake City.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: Oh look you yeah, sounds beautiful.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: It was. It was. So it sounds like a very
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: nice way to get to know somebody. Can I tell
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: you this is yes, this and we are in different stages,
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: but like with my kids, the way that they are
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: right now, like I'm just gonna for a minute, I
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: was like a born again virgin, like, no joke, I
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: hadn't had sex.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: I'm calling you and I'm like it had been like.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: Almost two years, right like, and that's so unhealthy, but
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: keep going, well, I'm a masturbader, like, don't even fuck around,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: you give me.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: I have a drawer full of all the toys.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: And I just sit there and I'm like, it's gonna
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: be a fun day any mini miney mo boom, you
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: all win, you all whim a loom for everybody, but
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: for me. I'm sitting here this morning, so right now,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna say it, and I don't give
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: a fuck. I'm I'm just sleeping with people, like I
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: know exactly. That's wonderful. I mean, it's wonderful too. And
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: for some reason people cannot wrap their mind. If I
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: were a man, it would just be like, oh, he's
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: playing the field, he's not interested, Like you can't lock
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: him down. He's a bachelor. I'm a bachelorette, okay. I
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: don't need a man for anything. And people keep trying
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: to push this dating thing on me, and then I
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: start thinking like Okay, well, maybe I'll get out there.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Then I had this moment of clarity where I'm like,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: what do I want, law do you want to date?
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: If you want to date, get your mess out there
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: and date. And I'm like, I don't want to date.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I just want a man to come in, fulfill a
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: need and go home because I'm so happy right now.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: And that could change tomorrow. Today I say I'm never
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: getting married. I know how the world works. There could
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: be a day where I'm like, I want to get married.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: I understand that is it a very low possibility? Yes,
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: but for now, come in, come out, and this morning.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: And I'm not joking. My dog is fifteen and a
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: half and all she does is shit and pee herself.
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: It is a lot, and I love this dog.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: And I feel so guilty that I'm going back and
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: forth on like is is it time or do I
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: just keep rocking it this way? It was a full
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: on explosion at my house, not of shit, but of
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: mesen and my mom screaming at the top of our
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: lungs at each other, telling each other that you don't
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: do enough, you're fucking lazy. And it all stemmed from this,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: from this gorgeous animal lily. Okay, and I was driving
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: here to the podcast because we all like made up,
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: and it was like, I'm so sorry. Had that happened
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: with me and a partner, it would weigh so heavy
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: on the relationship that our sex life would suffer, resentment
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: would build because there's not unconditional love with your partner.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: And people can say that all day long, that like,
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: find someone who you love, flaws and all, and I
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: used to very much co sign on that, but finding
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: a partner that love is conditional. I'm expecting you to
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: show up for me, be my teammate, be loyal, be trustworthy.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: You fuck up one time you have put my heart
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: in jeopardy. With my family, I don't expect anything from them.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: We have come from literally thoughts, right you said, and
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: I were just thoughts, and then we came to be
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: into our family. It is unconditional love. Whether it's Easton
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: struggling with his drinking, my mom struggling with her hip
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: or her arm, it doesn't affect the intimacy because there
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: isn't any When intimacy is affected in a relationship, everything
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: starts going to shit.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: So for me right now, I'm like, if.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Everything's working, and I can have blow ups with my
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: family and there's a lot of moving parts. There's a
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: one year old who's preventing sleep. There's a four and
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: a half year old who's wanting to sleep in my bed.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Could you imagine I had a boyfriend? He said? An
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: English there said I do. When I say you imagine,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: I could a little British. But I'm like it would
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: be so hard. So the timing is not right, and
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: my mind, body, and gut are telling me that the time.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: Why are you selling? You're fighting with yourself, I'm fighting
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: with other people? Who cares what other people think?
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you? I feel soppy?
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: Have you ever read Mel Robbins book Let Them No?
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: But you told me to get this?
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: So I ordered it on Amazon and it did arrive.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: It did arrive. I'm extriminating it.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: No, that whole philosophy. Let them, thank you, Let them
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: who cares?
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: No. I feel like I'm talking at you because people
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: don't understand. You're the first person that was like okay,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you know how many times I've
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: explained this to people and they're like, you just have
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: some stuff you need to work through. You know, you've
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: been through a lot. I'm like, we're over it. We're
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: over it. Let me, Yeah, I'm letting them. Let me.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: How about that just where you're you have so much
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: going on.
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: Right I do.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: I mean from the outside looking at you've just named
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: you have two kids under the age of five.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: A lot of people we know kind of well I.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: Know, but but they like you're operating. Someone explained to
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: me the life is like a pie, right, and so
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: like you're how much of sosa and ocean are going
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: to fill up that pie? A lot?
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Right? Eight percent? Yeah? Okay?
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: And then you have time to work out right and
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: stay healthy and fit or okay, that takes the piece.
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: Then you have work, which is which is huge because
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: you're a one like income household, right You're you're raising
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: two kids on your own. That's a huge piece, okay.
• 44:33
  Speaker 3: And then you have fun like like lalla time right
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: with your little friends or like late night whatever it is, like, Okay,
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: where is the like last percentage that very small percentage
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: for a man like if he comes in, if that
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: one percent, like that's that's enough for you to be
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: able to take that one percent and not fit a
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: marriage in that one percent because marriage is a lot
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: of work.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: It's an other business. Yeah, it's work.
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: It's work, and then you have to maybe if that
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: person also has kids.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: Can you imagine?
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: No, it's like you're you're you're good. So go have fun,
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: go sleep with as many men. Just be careful as
• 45:15
  Speaker 3: you want.
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: Just be careful, be careful. I'm an educated ho amber.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: We know this. I do background checks. Married. We'll see
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: what the background check. Suye, buddy, you're telling me no,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: but your eyes are saying otherwise. No. I'm safe going
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: about it, and I feel happy and fulfilled and I
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: love sitting see you get me. I feel so seen
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: by you all the time. Can we talk about this
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: one thing that we talked about on the phone, because
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: I completely died you saying that la men are too
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: dependent and I was just wait. I thought you were
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: gonna say moms or too dependent on like their friends,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: and you said they're too dependent on their dogs.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: You know, people like in the world are gonna hate
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: me right now for saying that.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Let me give you some context.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: So on the dating apps or just out in general,
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: I have found this is my opinion. Yeah, people are
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: so and whether they are using their animals as like
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: an escapegoat to not like be able to show up
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: in a relationship like as like like this is who
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: I am. I find that men are truly hiding behind
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: like their their dogs and I and okay, let me
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: just like be blunt. I have seen so many guys
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: walking around or on Instagram or social different social media
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: platforms wearing like a satchel with their dog in it. So,
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: unless your dog has three fucking legs or is on
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: its last day, your dog does not belong in a
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: baby fucking bajor or whatever you call it, like your baby,
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: your your dog belongs on a leash or by you, right,
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: maybe not leash if you're in a park that whatever.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what about a stroller? Oh? Even worse, I can't,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't know why
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: it is so not sexy to me. I want a
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: fucking man.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: Okay, what does I want you for?
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: You?
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: I want you to pump my guess hot. I want
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: you to come behind me in the kitchen when I'm
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: doing dishes and fucking grab me. Okay, yeah, like I
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: want a man, Like how can you?
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: First of all, how can you do that when you
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: have a dog here? Right? We're on the back.
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I just want And the guy that I'm with
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: now is so good that way, Like he opened my
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: car door and like I thought that was so sweet
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: and I'm not. It's just the little things I want.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Like if you date someone, just fucking ball check them.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Please check their balls. Yeah, just make sure the size
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: of the balls. Like just meaning like I'm speaking metaphorically, like, oh,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: I just.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: Thought you meant literally. I was like, I don't know.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna feel them measure.
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: I particularly like balls so long, no, not long? I like,
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: you know, what do your ears saying load?
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Do they do your balls? Okay?
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: I sing that with my girls, but with your boobs?
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: Do your boobs saying load?
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: Because that's a.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: Whole other conversation. Wearing brals in our house is like
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: a whole discussion whether you wear them, whether you don't.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: I don't like wearing them. London's like what the fuck?
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: Riley's like a fuck it. We're in Montana now, let
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: it all hang out.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that is so funny. What's important for
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: you when it comes to a man? Oh, when it
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: comes to a man. Well, they have to make me laugh,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: And I know that sounds so cheesy. I have to
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: be able because because I'm weird, like I have leaned
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: into the fact, like I'm done being like sexy, Like
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: I make weird jokes, I'm a little out there, I
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: move a lot when I talk, like I'm a quirky
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: fucking bitch.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: Right, you have to, like, you have to like that.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here and be like a trophy
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: and like Stepford wife who has very little to say
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: and doesn't change her voice when she talks. That's just
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: not me. And I feel like I tried to be
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: that way when I was younger. Now you have to
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: kind of come in and you have to match. You
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: have to think I'm funny, and I have to think
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: you're funny. Yeah. I have to be able to lay
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: in bed and eat Gouda cheese with you and watch
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Seinfeld and you have to actually enjoy it. That's number one.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: And also I think the physical part for me is
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: very important, Like I, oh, this sounds so bad. I'm
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: not just searching for like a good heart, Like you
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: have to come in here in first and foremost. I
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: have to want to rip your clothes off at all
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: fucking times. Mm hmm, I did it. We're done here.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to sit here and say, oh, but
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: he's so nice. So I'm gonna let certain things go. No,
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: first and foremost, I have to want to fuck the
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: shit out of you all the time.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't chase potential, No, because potential will just
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: end up disappointing you.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: Exactly right, you it's the worst. And then we'll go
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: to like the heart because here's the thing. If if
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: you if I'm not sexually attracted to you, then like
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: what are we even doing? No?
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: Sexual compatibility is the most By the way, let me
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: say something. Sometimes you get in bed with people and
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: you're like, they're okay, and then meaning like physically, and
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: then you get in ben You're like, whoa, well, yeah,
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: that guy knows how to move.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: That guy's all got down there, like we did a
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: ball check. We're happy the ball check. The manscapes. Yes, yes,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be floss in my teeth while I'm
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: down there. I don't love that at all.
• 50:51
  Speaker 3: By the way, how would you approach that if you
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: were with someone that didn't Because some guys maybe don't
• 50:56
  Speaker 3: know or do they.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: I think I think it's similar to a chick like
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: some some chicks like a bush. I think some men
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: who have a situation going on down there, they're like,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: I like it, this is I'm a man baby. Yeah,
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: I guess that's true. I would say we got to
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: like figure out the situation. I could do it for you.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: I have shaved someone before. Oh a many, I don't care.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I'm down there. Let me let me get it all
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: cleaned up. I know what it should look.
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: Like with your tweezers exactly.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: I'm down here anyway, might as well get it done.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: You are dirty. You are dirty.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: But how do I go from being like a complete
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: nun to being like.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Fuck it tits out?
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: But I'm just you know what's so interesting? I am
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: the same way I'm I'm extremist. Yeah, yeah, I have like.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: Two speeds, you know, yeah, zero or one hundred. Yeah.
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: I'm either like working in the kitchen at like seven am,
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: getting the kids ready for school, yeah, or I'm like,
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: you know, all buttoned up totally. But I think that
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: there's a time and place for everything I do too, right, Yes, Like,
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: I think that's what makes you so unique and beautiful things,
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: And men don't want that men, I feel like they
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: want personality, at least the right ones want personality.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: So too because on the flip side of what I said,
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: because that's kind of where I'm at now. But let's
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: just say I was looking for like my partner, there
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: would be things that would outweigh the physical. And here's why.
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: Because when you're going in that direction, looks are going
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: to fade. Sex life is going to fade. What really
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: stays true is someone's core and their heart and their personality.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: You hope, I mean a normal person like at our age,
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: You would hope that their personalities are if they're funny,
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: they're not going to lose their sense of humor.
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: Those are the things that are going to carry you through.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Right. So, if I'm looking for someone who's going to
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: be in my life every single day, obviously the kids
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: got to get along with the kids, But for me,
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: you have to be my best friend. I have to
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: call you when I'm at the highest of highs and
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: the lowest of lows. I have to want to be
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: around you all the time, because that's what's gonna get
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: us to the very end. Right.
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's finding somebody you could be a best
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: friend with but I also think that sex doesn't have
• 53:21
  Speaker 3: to fade.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: You're either a sexual person or you're not. Honey, when
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: you're grown and you need a hip replacement and you
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: got to be on the bed for a little bit. No,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: I'm starting to be having sex or you're kidding, you're
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: a savage. I fucking love you.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: I need I need sex, Like that's like the first
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: thing I feel like that when I step into a
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: relationship and I'm like.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: Just so you know, like I I like sex. What
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: are we talking like once? How many times a week? No,
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: I mean it's a healthy amount. Don't worry.
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: I don't I don't need another.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: Program we really should check into.
• 53:55
  Speaker 3: I think a couple times a week is normal.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, totally doable.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I asked my married friends, and they probably think
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a weirdo that's going to go home and like
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: masturbate to thinking about them. But I truly do wonder,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: like how often my married friends have sex, And it's
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: truly just to understand, like what does and what is antsy.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: A lot of them say that it's two times a week,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: but then when kids come into play, they're like, we're
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: lucky to get twice a month. But we always make
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: sure that we're like getting into bed together, We're going
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: to bed together, and I think that's very important. The
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: day sex is the best when the kids are at school.
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: There's something so sexy about that because you.
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Feel like you shouldn't be doing I know, but you should.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: I love an afternoon masturbation, Sash. We talked about that
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: last night. I'm gonna try it. You have to. Yeah, yeah,
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: it's the freaking best. I had a wonderful time having
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: you on my podcast. Thank you. Do you feel good?
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like psyched to talk to you for like
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: five more hours. I know you're still going to get
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: the crazy Lalla as you have just seen because we
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: were talking about blowjobs and all the things still, so
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: it's like it's like it's new and reinvented, but like
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: we still have some of the same bones, the core.
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: It's the core.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: Uh. I loved this episode. I feel like I just
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: gave birth to a new baby. So I want to
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: thank all of you for following me from give Them
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: Laala to my reinvented podcast untraditionally Laala. I'm gonna catch
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: you guys next Wednesday, and remember we still have a
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: bonus on Monday, so i'll catch you there, Love you guys. Bye,