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The 3 Words Every Narcissist Fears (Why "I Am Leaving" Changes Everything) · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  People seem to think that narcissists are fearless, but
• 0:04
  there are three specific words that hit me like a physical
• 0:09
  punch. Like a physical punch to the
• 0:11
  gut. Like an uppercut from Rocky
• 0:13
  Balboa himself. As a diagnosed narcissist, I'm
• 0:16
  going to tell you why these words trigger the rage you
• 0:19
  sometimes see from a narcissist or a toxic person.
• 0:22
  Y'all? If you don't know what the three
• 0:24
  words are, what's your guess? Got it.
• 0:27
  OK, the three words are I am leaving.
• 0:33
  Like seriously, when you say that to me, my brain doesn't
• 0:36
  hear a boundary. It doesn't hear that right.
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  It doesn't hear just like you, you setting up a small symbol
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  boundary. My brain hears and feels and
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  registers a total loss of power to me.
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  Being left means it. It literally means that I
• 0:53
  failed. I, I, I just thinking about it
• 0:57
  right now, y'all is hitting me in the head right now.
• 1:01
  Being left being abandoned as some narcissists might say,
• 1:05
  right as I might even say. Like being abandoned makes me
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  feel like I failed. Like it makes me feel like I
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  failed to control the narrative. It makes me feel like I failed
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  to control you. It makes me feel like a bad
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  person. So instead of asking you to stay
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  like a normal person would I I switch into attack mode.
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  I'll bring up your past. I'll blame your family, your
• 1:28
  friends. I look, I'll make you feel like
• 1:31
  the failure. I'll make you feel like you're
• 1:33
  the reason why this relationship failed.
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  You're the reason why this marriage failed.
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  Like y'all literally it's a defense mechanism to make sure
• 1:41
  you don't feel better than me as you walk out that door.
• 1:44
  I know it's yeah I know it sounds literally insane, but
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  that's how my mind works. When you say I am leaving, my
• 1:51
  mind goes in. I've.
• 1:56
  It's just like, it's short. Yeah, it damn near short
• 1:59
  circuits me. I can't take it.
• 2:02
  I really can't. And that's why sometimes you get
• 2:04
  rage, right? Instead of getting
• 2:07
  understanding, instead of getting like, oh, my goodness,
• 2:10
  what have I done wrong? What What can I do to fix this?
• 2:13
  Babe, you get roar. It's your fault.
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  Everything is the way it is. You tell me we don't have an
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  emotional connection. You tell me that we don't work
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  anymore. You tell me this, you tell me
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  that. And now roar.
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  You see, that's the mentality right there.
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  I feel abandoned. I feel left.
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  I So I got to make you feel the same thing.
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  I have to make you feel it because I felt it for so long.
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  You have to feel it right now. That's why it kicks on.
• 2:46
  That's why when you're dealing with a narcissistic person like
• 2:48
  myself, you'll get the rage instead of getting
• 2:51
  understanding. This is why it's dangerous, like
• 2:56
  leaving is the most dangerous time and why they get angry.
• 2:59
  And some people will get physical with you in this
• 3:01
  situation because if my words don't work, if I'm begging and
• 3:06
  pleading and that's not working and my words are not working.
• 3:08
  This is why sometimes you'll get that physically abusive person.
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  They will start putting their hands on you.
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  They will physically get in front of you.
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  They'll prevent you from leaving.
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  They'll start destroying your things.
• 3:21
  They'll tell you to, they'll tell you to get the hell out
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  right. They'll tell you to get the hell
• 3:27
  out of here. But you can't leave with
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  anything that I've paid for, anything with my name on it.
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  You can't leave with. You can't.
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  Look, this is this is where the financial abuse kicks in.
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  They'll tell you that you can't take whatever like you leave or
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  whatever you came in a relationship with.
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  And if you came in a relationship with nothing, guess
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  what? You leave with nothing.
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  And this is where the financial abuse kicks in at y'all.
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  If they have controlled the finances, if they control the
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  INS and outs and the inner workings of the relationship,
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  this is what happens right here. They lose their damn minds and
• 3:57
  they go crazy. And then this is what you get on
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  the on the back end of it right here.
• 4:01
  You get a a minocally, you get an emotionally abusive child in
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  an adult body that is losing their damn mind towards you,
• 4:10
  which can make you like in you in this situation when you're
• 4:12
  dealing with this, this can wait.
• 4:14
  This can make you feel afraid and sometimes this can make you
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  feel like you have to stay because now here comes the
• 4:22
  threats right here. It literally comes the threats
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  into this type of social situation right here.
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  They'll threaten to keep the kids from you.
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  They'll threaten to get full custody.
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  They'll threaten to cut out the finances.
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  They'll cut threaten to cut off the car.
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  They'll threaten you and some of them in this situation will
• 4:40
  threaten to expose you. So in this situation, let me put
• 4:44
  my narcissist hat on, right? I'm not saying that I do this.
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  This is what I'm saying. If I were in your situation, if
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  I'm in your narcissistic person's shoes, right?
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  If we got like if we have like some nude photos or some private
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  intimate videos or pictures or something like that, I'm going
• 5:00
  to threaten to expose those because I know you don't want to
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  be a you don't want to be online like that.
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  It revealed like that. You don't want to be embarrassed
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  like that, right? You don't want people to see
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  that side of you. So in my mind, in order to get
• 5:14
  you to stay with me, this is what I feel necessary to do.
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  No holds barred. You hurt me.
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  I have to threaten to hurt you or, or the big or, or right or
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  here comes the smear campaign. I'm just going to make stuff up.
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  I'm going to start posting things about you online, right?
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  I'm going to start posting things about you online that
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  hurt you. I'm going to start posting
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  things online that do that don't do you justice, that make you
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  feel like the bad guy in this situation.
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  I'm going to start posting lies. I'm going to start telling you,
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  I'll tell you right here because I'm hurting because you told me
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  I am leaving. I feel that rejection.
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  I'm going to threaten to tell the kids everything too.
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  I'm going to threaten to make up stuff to the kids or I won't
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  even threaten to make that type of stuff up.
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  I'll tell them that in your face when I come pick the kids up.
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  Or if you tell, if you tell me I am leaving, right?
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  If you tell me that I am leaving and then you and there's kids,
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  our kids are around, I'll just pick the kids up.
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  Like, hey, look, just so y'all don't know, Mommy's mommy said
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  Daddy's not good enough anymore and so mommy's moving out.
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  Mommy doesn't want to be with Daddy anymore, so Mommy's going
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  to leave me. Mommy said Daddy's not a good
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  person. Mommy's breaking up the family.
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  So I know my fellows out there, we're making me absolutely be
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  narcissists as well, right? The woman can say this to the
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  kids too, right? The person can say this to the
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  kids as well. This is how it works, y'all.
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  And this is literally how it works.
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  This is the mentality of narcissistic abusive people.
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  They don't go look. They don't do it like that.
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  They absolutely bombard you. They don't want to let you go.
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  They don't want to let you walk out the door.
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  Because loss of power and loss of control make me feel like
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  I've literally been destroyed. I'll say it just like that,
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  straight up to you. Loss of power and control make
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  me feel like I'm a horrible human being.
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  I can't imagine you being with anybody else.
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  So now I have to make you feel this pain.
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  I have to make you suffer. I have to make you feel like you
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  have to pay for this right here. You're going to pay.
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  Look, you're going to pay for it one way or another.
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  You have to, you have to pay for this one way or another.
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  I have to make you feel this pain.
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  Now, there's on the on the flip side of it right here, right?
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  I could get so angry at you for telling me that you're leaving
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  that I won't even say anything to you.
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  Sometimes I'll let you walk right out the door.
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  Sometimes I don't even care. I'll let you walk directly out
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  the door, not put up a fight. Because guess what happens?
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  You're expecting me to fight. You're expecting me to just
• 8:01
  throw your stuff outside, right? But when I don't do what you
• 8:05
  expect, guess what happens? You flip up.
• 8:08
  You switch up now, right? Things switch up.
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  I haven't done what you expected.
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  So now I flipped the script on you and guess what they call us
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  is you. This, this, this is my in my
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  mind, right? Let me put my narcissist hat on.
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  In my mind, what I'm doing is trying to manipulate you into
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  making you feel worthless because so many people,
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  especially if you think you're dealing with a narcissist, if
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  you've caught, if you've caught me a narcissist before or told
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  me that I'm a narcissist or you think that I'm a narcissist,
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  guess what? I'm going to use that against
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  you right now because I'm going to do the opposite of what a
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  narcissist would do. I'm going to literally sit right
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  here and just say, OK, cool, hope you have a good life.
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  Hope whoever you, you know, cool, let's just separate
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  ourselves and then that'll make look that gets your mind
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  wandering. Am I really dealing with a
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  narcissist? Are they really a narcissist?
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  Am I making a mistake leaving? Should I leave?
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  Should I stay? Gotcha.
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  It's insidious, isn't it? That's the way the mind works
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  right here in this situation. It's insidious intent.
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  Sometimes I literally will not put up a fight because I want
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  you to feel devalued. I want you to feel worth less.
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  I want you to hurt. I want you to feel like this
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  relationship isn't even worth fighting for.
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  So I'm not putting up a fight at all.
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  Doesn't it mess with you? Doesn't it get your mind
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  wandering right there? You see how it works is how
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  insidious it is as well, right? But also another reason when you
• 9:43
  say I'm, I am when you say I am leaving.
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  Another reason, right? What could happen in this
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  situation is I want you to go. I did.
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  I did. I've been doing the reverse
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  Discord. I've been suddenly pushing you
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  out the door emotionally. I've been disconnecting from
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  you. I want you to be the one that
• 10:01
  leaves because once you leave, I can say whatever.
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  I can do whatever I want. I can move on quickly.
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  I already got a new supply lined up.
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  I can fake get mad. Look, I can still get angry.
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  I can still give you the rage that you were anticipating, that
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  you were expecting, right? I can still do all of that.
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  But also, I got somebody else set up.
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  So if you decide to go out here and leave me, guess what
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  happens? Oh, well, Oh, well, you see what
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  just went now I just made you feel.
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  Look, I just made you feel devalued in this situation.
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  I just made you feel worth less. I just made you feel hurt.
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  And now I moved on quickly and everybody.
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  And when people come to question me.
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  Damn, Lee, how'd you get into a new relationship so fast?
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  I can tell people that you left me, did you not?
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  Did you not leave me? Did you not?
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  I know it sounds insidious y'all, but this is how the minds
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  of a lot of narcissistic people work right here.
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  There's insidious intent behind it.
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  I I wanted you to be the one left.
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  I wanted you to be the one that leaves.
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  I wanted you to do this. I wanted you to do that.
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  And because now you have, I can still get angry, right?
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  I can still get pissed off because I can look, it might not
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  be fake mad. I can still actually get angry
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  at you for leaving because even though I wanted you to leave,
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  even though I didn't want to be with you anymore, when you still
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  say I am leaving, I still I, I didn't I, I thought I would
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  handle it differently, right? You say I am leaving.
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  I still thought that I can handle this situation
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  differently. You know what I mean?
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  So I'm like, I'm still angry that you were rejecting me.
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  It's still, yeah, it's still a rejection.
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  You still rejecting me. You still hurt me.
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  Even though I might have wanted it.
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  You still hurting me. It's still the pain is still the
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  same, right? I can't.
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  Look. It's kind of like expecting.
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  Look, shoot me right here. Give me the shot right here.
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  Even though I'm anticipating the shot, it still hurt.
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  I'm not talking about a gun drive.
• 12:11
  I'm talking about a needle. Shoot me right here.
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  Give me the shot right here. Give me the jab right here,
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  Right? I can still we we can count down
• 12:20
  and everything 321 shot. It still will hurt man.
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  It's still one of those things that will absolutely hurt.
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  It can do a lot of mental, physical, emotional damage to
• 12:33
  you as things continue to happen like that.
• 12:35
  Y'all seriously? It really, really can you know,
• 12:38
  I mean, this is one of the things that happens.
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  This is one of the things that can drive people crazy.
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  This is one of the things that can make people lose their minds
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  and lose control of the situation.
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  Y'all really seriously in but y'all thank y'all for vibe vibe
• 12:50
  with me to the end of this video.
• 12:52
  I hope y'all like the new way I'm doing these videos.
• 12:54
  I'm just doing more from my perspective.
• 12:56
  Y'all leaning more into the self for narcissistic part.
• 12:58
  The mind of a narcissist so to speak, right?
• 13:01
  Anyways, coaching courses. Every single thing is available
• 13:04
  at mentalillness.net. mentalillness.net.
• 13:10
  Hit the subscribe button y'all if you haven't already and I'm
• 13:14
  out. Peace.