Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 5 Ways Narcissists Hide Their Affairs From You

Transcript

5 Ways Narcissists Hide Their Affairs From You · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  How do narcissists hide affairs from you?
• 0:03
  How do they hide the, the, the, they're cheating ways from you?
• 0:07
  How do they keep from getting discovered when they out here
• 0:11
  getting uncovered with someone else?
• 0:14
  Right? That's what we're talking about
• 0:16
  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:17
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
• 0:19
  to help you understand the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:22
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:42
  Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:44
  First off, shout out to everybody who came out to our
• 0:47
  workshop in Saint Louis this past weekend.
• 0:50
  Had an amazing time. Thank you all so much.
• 0:52
  It was enjoyable. Thanks.
• 0:53
  So glad I got it. So grateful to get to meet y'all
• 0:56
  this weekend. Saturday April the 12th, we're
• 0:59
  in Durham NC, my home, my backyard, Durham, NC.
• 1:04
  For our next in person workshop. You can go to mentalillness.net,
• 1:07
  go to the events section and get registered y'all.
• 1:10
  It'll be scrolled across the bottom of the screen.
• 1:11
  Mental illness.net/events. But yeah y'all let's get it back
• 1:17
  in. Let's get it poppin.
• 1:18
  Narcissistic people, Toxic ass people.
• 1:22
  How do they hide these affairs from you?
• 1:24
  How so I'm going to tell you how the most obvious way, right the
• 1:29
  most obvious way is they just keep you confused.
• 1:31
  Let's be real. Let's just keep it hot.
• 1:32
  They keep it hot and ready. They hide A fair for you because
• 1:34
  they just keep you confused and they gas like the damn the steam
• 1:38
  out for you right. They got they gaslight you to
• 1:41
  the end of the earth and back and then to the end and back
• 1:45
  again. It's like damn near Frodo in the
• 1:47
  Lord of the rings with the gaslighting in the manipulation.
• 1:51
  They make you feel like you're insecure.
• 1:52
  They make you feel like you're going crazy.
• 1:54
  They make you feel like you are the enemy somehow, some way,
• 1:57
  shape or form for literally trying to, for figuring out what
• 2:01
  they have going on for literally you'll figure it out.
• 2:03
  You'll have all the proof and they'll just lie.
• 2:05
  They narcissists are good liars. That's the best.
• 2:08
  That's the main way that they hide affairs from you.
• 2:10
  Is this by being an amazing liar, which doesn't it?
• 2:14
  Which at all, which doesn't at all benefit anybody, right?
• 2:18
  I mean, except for them. Their ability to lie benefits
• 2:22
  them. I mean, it might benefit you
• 2:23
  every once in awhile if they lying to somebody when you need
• 2:25
  something, right? Right.
• 2:28
  When you when you need something, it's kind of crazy.
• 2:32
  8th grade ham. I just like somebody just yeah,
• 2:35
  somebody went to school with. Send me a picture of send me a
• 2:37
  picture of me when I was in 8th grade.
• 2:39
  Y'all see me 1999 eighth grade Lee, right there I was.
• 2:43
  That's why I'm laughing. I just said that to my wife.
• 2:45
  That's funny and whatnot, but it's baby steps though.
• 2:48
  Y'all the narcissists are good liars.
• 2:50
  We just lie. We can lie our asses off and
• 2:52
  lie. Look, you know how fast the cats
• 2:54
  if y'all, all my cat owners all here, right?
• 2:57
  My cat parents. Y'all know how fast a damn cat's
• 3:00
  reaction time is? That's how fast a narcissist's
• 3:03
  reaction is, right? That's how fast it takes with
• 3:04
  narcissist come with a a good lie faster than the cats paw.
• 3:08
  You know the cat be like and paw your ass.
• 3:11
  That's what it's slow motion, right?
• 3:15
  The cat belled to paw you. The narcissist lie travels
• 3:19
  faster than the cat's paw. Oh my goodness, that's crazy
• 3:26
  though. Y'all get it though?
• 3:27
  Though people who've dealt with a narcissist, you understand
• 3:29
  exactly what I'm saying. They just a good we just a good
• 3:32
  liar. I say we 'cause I, I, I, I've
• 3:34
  told her fib or two in my day, right?
• 3:36
  I've been I fibbed here and there, right, but this is the
• 3:41
  way it goes. They're good liars.
• 3:42
  They gas like they're having having the unique ability to
• 3:45
  keep you on edge and have just really mess with your head.
• 3:48
  That's what narcissistic people have the unique ability to do,
• 3:51
  right, The unique ability to just kind of keep you on edge,
• 3:54
  keep you guessing. Lie, lie and lie some.
• 3:57
  Oh, the they, they, you know the tangled, what a tangled web we
• 4:02
  weave. Narcissists are like little
• 4:03
  spiders and they just keep building these damn toxic ass
• 4:06
  webs where they just keep lying to people, y'all?
• 4:08
  Narcissists are good liars. The next way that they will lie
• 4:12
  to you or hide an affair from you, y'all.
• 4:16
  And this is a very common way that narcissists have affairs,
• 4:19
  hide affairs is that they all literally, they pick and choose
• 4:23
  a good target, a good affair partner, a good affair target.
• 4:26
  Lee. What the hell do you mean by a
• 4:30
  good affair partner? Is there such thing as a good
• 4:35
  affair partner, Lee? Really.
• 4:38
  Really, Lee, that sounds stupid. See, Lee, you're gaslighting us
• 4:41
  right now. No, no, no, I'm not.
• 4:43
  Bear with me right here. Like, narcissistic people target
• 4:48
  certain people in these situations, right?
• 4:51
  They absolutely target certain people that will make the
• 4:54
  cheating easier. Like they cheat with they yeah,
• 4:58
  could they could do some narcissist meet random people
• 5:01
  and hook up with them and cheat with them.
• 5:04
  Yes they will do they will do that right?
• 5:07
  They will absolutely hook up with randos.
• 5:10
  But a lot of times they're very, I guess conservative cheater,
• 5:13
  right? They could not.
• 5:14
  Conservative party member for y'all just get y'all feelings
• 5:16
  and just lose your damn minds boy.
• 5:19
  The conservative party members, not party members.
• 5:22
  See y'all got me confused. Y'all about to get me angry?
• 5:26
  The conservative cheater will absolutely pick and choose a
• 5:29
  target that matches them what they're looking for.
• 5:32
  This is why a lot of times they got married.
• 5:34
  Narcissist or narcissist in relationships.
• 5:37
  They cheat with other people in relationships.
• 5:42
  So we all have something to lose.
• 5:44
  Like I got something to lose. You got something to lose.
• 5:48
  We all have something to lose, right?
• 5:52
  We all have something crazy to lose.
• 5:54
  So if I'm cheating with them, I'm married, right?
• 5:56
  And now, no, I'm not cheating. Don't proposition me.
• 5:59
  Don't do it, right. But I'm married, right?
• 6:04
  So it makes sense for me to cheat with somebody that's also
• 6:08
  in a committed relationship or married as well.
• 6:10
  Lee, how can you be a committed relationship and be cheating?
• 6:12
  They don't make any sense. Yeah, I don't make, I don't make
• 6:14
  the rules. I just enforce them, right?
• 6:15
  I just talk about it. But they pick affair partners
• 6:19
  that will also hide the shit from the be willing to hide it
• 6:23
  from you as well. So they'll pick affair partners
• 6:26
  that are also in relationships too, so they can hide it as
• 6:29
  well. You see what I'm saying I cheat
• 6:31
  with a married person because I'm also married.
• 6:34
  We both have something to lose. We there's no point in either of
• 6:36
  us telling on the other because we'll both get in trouble.
• 6:39
  Our lives will both be blown up. You see equal losses.
• 6:43
  That's how you hide it because both of us have something to
• 6:46
  lose. So we will both deny it if court
• 6:49
  you see picking a target and on the same like so on the same tip
• 6:54
  right here, picking a target, not just do that not do they
• 6:56
  only go after people in relationships, right?
• 7:00
  They absolutely go out to people with other people who have
• 7:02
  something to lose as well, which means somebody close to you,
• 7:07
  your friend, your family member, they will go out to them too,
• 7:11
  right? So it's not always going to be
• 7:16
  them picking somebody that's far away from you, like not always
• 7:20
  going to be picking somebody that's married or in a
• 7:22
  relationship. Sometimes they pick somebody
• 7:24
  that you're close to, they won't tell.
• 7:26
  That's how they hide it from you.
• 7:27
  They will pick somebody who has something to lose who won't tell
• 7:30
  you because they'll be embarrassed who they'll they'll
• 7:33
  just get in trouble as well. So you see how that goes right
• 7:35
  there or narcissist pick targets.
• 7:37
  They have something to lose that are that, that are in a high
• 7:41
  esteem position, right? We both have something to lose.
• 7:44
  Let's say I'm in, let's just say I'm in the government, right?
• 7:47
  You're in the government. We, we both might be, you might
• 7:51
  be single, I might be in a relationship, but you also have
• 7:54
  something to lose, right? You also have something to lose.
• 8:00
  So they have a good job or something good going on.
• 8:03
  They also have something to lose.
• 8:05
  They search for people like targets.
• 8:07
  They're absolutely targets out there, right, right.
• 8:11
  Absolutely targets. It makes sense.
• 8:14
  So think about that right there when you're dealing with
• 8:17
  narcissistic people, how they hide A Pharisee.
• 8:19
  They pick very specific members, they pick very specific partners
• 8:25
  and such. So that's something right here
• 8:27
  that you have to consider, something that you have to get
• 8:29
  into your mind. And this is the this is the
• 8:31
  space that so many people fall into, get into your hands
• 8:35
  because they hide affairs. It's not easy to hide affairs.
• 8:38
  Some of the yeah, sometimes the, the the affairs are so complex
• 8:42
  that they're crazy because not only this is going to be the
• 8:45
  bad, this is going to be one of the worst ones right here.
• 8:46
  Y'all, you ready? How they hide affairs from you
• 8:51
  is they pay for it. Some of them out here paying,
• 8:55
  paying for some cheeks. They, they, they have escorts
• 8:59
  and people in that, in that lifestyle right there.
• 9:02
  Prostor Schmutz. I don't even know if you can say
• 9:04
  it on on YouTube or whatever. Prostor Schmutz escorts, not the
• 9:09
  not the not the, the hatchback, not the old, not the escorts,
• 9:13
  but not the car, right? They hire people, they pay
• 9:17
  people to go away. They pay people for discretion.
• 9:19
  So that's how they hide it from you is that they will pay people
• 9:22
  to do it with them, right? They pay people to go away.
• 9:26
  This is specific right here, y'all, Like I said, they pick
• 9:28
  and choose targets. They really, really do.
• 9:31
  And so they will absolutely pay for it.
• 9:34
  That's the easy way to hide it. You just pay for it.
• 9:36
  Sometimes you have sometimes you pay for it in cash.
• 9:39
  Babe. What if they why I keep seeing
• 9:41
  these $40 withdrawals on our bank statement, $40 they'll make
• 9:48
  up a lie. Oh, that's my beer budget.
• 9:52
  You, you. So you drunk 100 hundred see
• 9:55
  $200 worth of beer last week. That's $540 withdrawals on here.
• 10:01
  Yeah, the beer. I'm just the beer is crazy,
• 10:04
  right? They be lying.
• 10:06
  You see right there. That's how he can hide it from
• 10:08
  you as well by just literally paying for it.
• 10:10
  That's OK. They they can hide it from you
• 10:12
  too. Right there, y'all, and this is
• 10:14
  the last way I'm going to share. I think this is the last way I'm
• 10:15
  sure right here. What is that 55 right here.
• 10:18
  This is the last way that they hide A ferrot from y'all, and
• 10:20
  this is going to sound dark. This is going to sound dark.
• 10:23
  They groom people right? They groom they they find super
• 10:28
  extremely vulnerable, vulnerable people and they groom them.
• 10:31
  They prey upon them and I'll say when I say groom people
• 10:34
  automatically something about like young folks, this is not
• 10:36
  always the case, right? I say groom, they could be your
• 10:39
  friend. This could be your friend For a
• 10:40
  very long time. They've been grooming you for to
• 10:42
  be their affair partner. They've been grooming you to get
• 10:45
  into a relationship with them. This is what they've been trying
• 10:47
  to do right here, y'all? This is the space they've been
• 10:49
  trying to this is what they've been trying to do.
• 10:50
  They prey upon you. They your friend, they're your
• 10:53
  friend. They're your best friend until
• 10:54
  you break up with somebody, until you break up with your
• 10:56
  boyfriend or your girlfriend or you're going through the
• 10:58
  divorce. Now all of a sudden they don't
• 10:59
  want to be friends anymore. They want to be.
• 11:01
  They want to be more than friends.
• 11:02
  They want to start sleeping together.
• 11:04
  You see what I'm saying? They don't want to be there for
• 11:05
  you. They groom you to make you feel
• 11:06
  like you owe. They make their affair partners
• 11:08
  feel like they owe them something.
• 11:10
  So their affair partner doesn't feel like tell those who doesn't
• 11:12
  want to tell you because they don't want to blow everything
• 11:13
  up. They convinced their affair
• 11:15
  partners that if you tell on me, you going to like say this is
• 11:19
  this is say me right here, right?
• 11:20
  I'm I'm making this scenario up right here.
• 11:22
  It's like you really going to tell my wife I'm cheating with
• 11:25
  you. Wow.
• 11:25
  So when you so when you so just think about this, I know you
• 11:28
  feel like you're just telling her.
• 11:30
  You're just getting me in trouble, but think about our
• 11:33
  kids. Think of you.
• 11:35
  So you telling me you're really taking me away from my kids
• 11:38
  because you're going to take the kids and she's going to leave.
• 11:40
  So now you you, you willing to break up a household because
• 11:43
  your feelings are hurt? Wow, I know you grew up without
• 11:46
  a parent, without a without a two parent household that you
• 11:49
  want that for my kids. Wow, I thought you wanted to
• 11:51
  stop generational curses. You see how they crazy?
• 11:53
  They should just flow y'all I'll be I'll be if I was single out
• 11:56
  hearing the word I'll be terrible.
• 11:57
  I know I'll be. I just, it's just too easy.
• 12:00
  No, just being realistic. I'd be studying too much, study
• 12:02
  people too much behaviors and whatnot.
• 12:05
  But that's five ways. I say 5.
• 12:07
  I think I say 5, right? I'm going to say 5 on the
• 12:10
  caption. If y'all made it this far.
• 12:11
  There's only four. Just like just put four in the
• 12:13
  conversation. I just put 4, like leave 4 the
• 12:15
  number 4 up and whatnot. Anyway, y'all cut this thing
• 12:18
  short again again again y'all. My next workshop in person.
• 12:22
  Durham, NC April 12th. Me and NIA Renee are going to
• 12:25
  take over doing. We had an amazing turn out in
• 12:27
  Saint Louis. Y'all amazing people.
• 12:29
  I'm gonna post the pictures pretty soon, get registered for
• 12:31
  the doing workshop and if you made it this far will you get
• 12:34
  when you go to register into the code mental 10 MENT AL10 for 10%
• 12:39
  off. The tickets are not super
• 12:40
  expensive anyway y'all, and we're probably going to go out
• 12:43
  and do something afterwards. Might go to a bar or sit down
• 12:45
  somewhere. So it's going to be a workshop
• 12:47
  and also a meet up. Meet up somewhere.
• 12:48
  We're going to meet up somewhere we'll see y'all.
• 12:50
  I'm just probably going to go somewhere.
• 12:51
  This is my hometown of Durham enough con, so we're going to be
• 12:53
  out doing something y'all be safe.
• 12:54
  Hit the subscribe button if you haven't turn on the turn on
• 12:57
  those notifications and let's get it peace.
• 13:00
  Also you can find my coaching my courses, my one on ones.
• 13:02
  Everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
• 13:06
  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 13:09
  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
• 13:11
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 13:13
  Peace.