Latest / Dear Chelsea / Taking Your Own Advice with Shelly Tygielski

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Taking Your Own Advice with Shelly Tygielski · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, good afternoon people, Good morning, good evening. Buenos has
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Buenos Chard's Buenos no Chase. Welcome to the Dear Chelsea Podcast.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: We are in season two and Hi Catherine, how are
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: you doing. Hi? I'm great today. Oh yeah, you look
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: so chipper. I love it. Well. Thanks. I've had my
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: coffee or I've been drinking this mud water, which is
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: very tasty, and I'm not missing coffee. So what is
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: mud and water? It's adaptogen's. It's like some kind of
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: mushroom thing and it has like a little bit of caffeine,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: like a tea amount of caffeine. But it tastes like
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Chai tasting. Drinking chis Chis with oat milk. That's what
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Joe gets me when he goes to Coffee Bean. That's
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: his favorite place. But what the funk is chis Chi tea?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: I don't. I think it's a tea. And I think
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: you can get a latta version, like if you go
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: to a Starbucks or something or go to a coffee shop.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think it's a tea. Is it sugar?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: It has a lot of ad sugar and a little
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: bit you could say easy sugar, but I think it'd
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: be too spicy without sugar. I have an iced chie
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: with oat milk. I like that and I guzzle it.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I love it. Oh my god, it's so delicious. And
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: then I was like, what am I drinking? I don't
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: even know what's in this. I like a hot a
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: soy chai latte because I think that as a little
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: extra natural sweetness from the soy milk. That's why I
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: like the problem with hot drinks with me. As soon
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: as I have a sip of anything hot, I start
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: to perspire underneath my arms and a couple of other places.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: I have a very special friend today. Okay, So on
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: this podcast we talk about the Pandemic of Love a
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: lot that my friend Shelley to Gelski started founded and
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: executes on the regular. And I know that because I
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: have people hit me up on Instagram for money all
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: the time, and I finally have somewhere to send them
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: besides giving them my own money. There's actually a resource
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: for people. And what's even well, not more exciting, but
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: equally as exciting as Pandemic of of is that she
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: has a new book that comes out on October and
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: it's called Sit Down to Rise Up, which is a
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: book I've mentioned earlier, but I really can't say enough
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: amazing things about it, and I have to encourage all
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: of our listeners to go get a copy of this
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: book to make you a better member of your community,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: to make you feel like a contributor and somebody who
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: is there not just for yourself, but for your neighbors
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: and for the people that are really in need. Because
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: there are times in our lives where we need help,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and there are times in our lives where we can
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: give help. So it is good for everybody to be
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: a community member and a team builder, if you will.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I don't know what that means, but I've heard it's
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: a corporate term and I like it anyway. Please welcome
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Shelley Sigelski. Hi Shelly, Hi, Hi Shelly. And I became
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: friends at the Wisdom two point oh conference with Dan,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: my psychiatrist. She knows Dan, I do, and I'm at
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: her backstage and she was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: bright outfits, and I just, in a sea of psycho iatris, neurophysicists, neuroscientists,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah, spiritualist, I just looked at
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: her outfit and I'll never forget. I think you had
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: rainbow sneakers in a whole rainbow out. Yeah. And we
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: met backstage and she was normal, and I was like,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: you know, I felt, well, you are. You're a normal
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: person for the most part, but not a regular person.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: You're a normal person. And we went out that night
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: for drinks. I was with my sissy Samoe, and my
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: sister and my older sister because it was in San Francisco,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: and we went out for drinks that night and we
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: just all hit it off. And now she's really good
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: friends with my sister Simone I am, and they spend
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: so much time to get Yeah, that's your sister too. Yeah.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: My sister's like, I'll take Shelley, thank you, love her.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I know she's good. She's good. So let's talk about
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: the book first, because this is your first book. It
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: is my first book. It's nerve racking, is it. It's
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: frightening and it's exciting at the same time, for sure,
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: because you're putting so much of yourself out there and
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you're really nervous about what the reception is going to be.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: But the book is really about connecting the inner work
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: with the outer world. It's frustrating for me as somebody
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: who's in this industrial wellness complex that is constantly trying
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to sell you things. You know, more, more beauty products,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: more chai latte, is more of everything. And it's frustrating
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: for me because I see so many people who spend
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: so much time just working on themselves constantly, and I'm like,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: in pursuit of what just so that you could be
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: better or because you actually want to show up differently
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: in the world. And so the whole premise of the
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: book is really to knock people off their asses a
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: little bit and encourage them to not just sit down
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: in meditation and do the inner work, but to rise
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: up and actually make it effective for everybody, the fact
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: that you're a better person because a better version of
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: the world starts with the best version of ourselves, right,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: And you don't even necessarily need to meditate to rise up.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: You don't need to sit down to rise up. But
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: it is a great tool to help you once you
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: can apply that to yourself. It's easier to apply it
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: to the old. But you know, one you can do one.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: You can rise up and you don't have to meditate.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: If anyone is here, like fuck, I can't do it.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I can't rise up because I can't meditate. Everyone can meditate, Chelsea.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: You know that. I know that everyone can meditate. I
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: know that. Well, actually that's not true. Well everyone can,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: but a lot of people get really really they lose
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: interests really quickly. That's true. But I think it's also
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: because we set these like lofty goals for ourselves and
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: we think like, oh, I need to sit down for
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: twenty minutes and burn incense and chant and have a mantra,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: and that you can actually just meditate in increments of
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: like ninety seconds a day, and that's been proven to
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: be really effective, So you can incrementally just reset multiple
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: times throughout the day and still show up differently. Yeah.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I was on a tour bus recently with Joe Coy.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: You know Joe. Obviously we've spent some time with him.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You saw him this morning at my house. When because
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Shelley supped at my house last night and Joe also
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: slept at my house last night without not together, we
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: didn't sleep. Actually, well maybe we did. I just want
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: to clarify that. And I was on his tour bus
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: traveling and I didn't have any alone time, because when
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I'm with Joe, I'm with Joe all the time, and
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't have any alone time to meditate, and I
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: did that. I just was like I was with seven
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: men on a bus, oh my god, driving through the
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: middle of the night to our hotel that we would
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: arrive at five in the morning, living a life that
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I don't want to live. I mean that I didn't
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: want to live, but I will because I like to
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: be with him, and I would do that. I did
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: those like little bursts like ninety seconds just breathing, like
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: just sitting alone and taking three or four really deep
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: inhales and really slow egg shales and just calming yourself
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: and calming your brain. And that does really work too.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I feel like, because I like to be such a
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: good student because I never went to college. So I
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: feel like if I don't meditate twenty minutes every single
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: day that I'm and if I missed two days in raw,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's ober, I'm gonna get arrested, you know.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: Like it's a nice little kind of thing to do.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: And I know eckart tole I talks about that too,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: that it's not about necessarily sitting and meditating for a
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: certain period of time. It's about taking those breaks throughout
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: the day. So that's always good advice. So the book
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: talks about how to kind of do all of that.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: And in the book you talk about how you started
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: a meditation group in Florida where you lived with twelve
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: friends on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. I had twelve
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: girlfriends that we're all going through very different times of
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: their lives, like one just had cancer, another one was
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: going through divorce, another was an empty nester. Everybody was
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: going through some sort of like a cluster fuck moment
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: in their lives. And I was that annoying friend who
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: would always tell people like you should meditate. And finally
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: one of my friends called me out and she said, well,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: then teach us how to meditate, Like stop telling us
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: what to do and actually just teach us. So I said, yeah, great,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: let's all just meet on the beach on the Sunday morning,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: And we did in November of and within six months
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: we had a thousand people show up to meditate together
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: just through word of mouth, which was incredible, and so
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: the community, which stopped meeting obviously due to COVID. The
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: last time I actually was on that beach, was on
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: March of eventually had fifteen thousand people that were part
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: of that group, which is really phenomenal in a testament
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: to how you can just you know, snowball things by
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: just continuously showing up. Oh that's amazing. Fifteen thousand people,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: that's so crazy. And you came from corporate America. Yeah,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: she was running a Fortune five hundred company. Was something
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: along those lines. I like to throw around corporate terms. Sure, yeah,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: sure she was. But you were running a company, Yes,
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I was. I was running a company with employees and
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: fourteen markets across the country, and I was as miserable
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: as it could be. Like I finally reached my goal.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I was like, yes, I finally made it. I wanted
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: to be a CEO, was very living a very gold
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: centered life. And I was thirty six years old and
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: I remember working late one night. Everybody was gone from
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: the office. Was me and like the person like cleaning
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: the floor, and I just looked around and I started
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: to cry. I just wept, and I was like, I'm
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: so miserable. Is this really as good as my life's
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: going to get? Now? Like I finally reached my goal? Right?
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: This my whole life had been finding for this, and
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I realized that night like that something really big and
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: drastic had to happen. And when I got home that night,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: after sitting in traffic because is always under construction, I'm
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: sure that will resonate with anyone on that I got
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: home and my son, who at the time was I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: think like fourteen years old, looked at me and he said,
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: you know, mom, you know what the happiest day of
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: my life is going to be. And I said what?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And he said the day you quit your damn job.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: And I was like, whoa, you should start taking your
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: own advice lady. You know, yeah, that's that. But that
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: woke you up? Right? Did it? Totally? Did it threw
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: me out of the nest? So out of the mouth
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: of babes? Isn't that what parents say? Out of the
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: mouths of babes? Yes, exactly, And then something else I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: don't know the rest of the saying. And that's because
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I'm barren. Okay, So today since I do have have
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: somebody who actually has a lot of experience. Oh and
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I also went to a retreat, let's just quickly recap that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: So I was on Martha's Viniard. A few summers ago,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Kelly strong armed me into coming to a retreat in Barry, Pennsylvania,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: Barry Massachusetts, Barry Massachuse, sorry, my bad, that's right, Barry, Massachusetts,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: And like an idiot, I said, sure, sure. It was
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: a gun violence survival retreat. So basically a lot of
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: people from Parkland and a lot of people from Differentsburg, Chicago,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: outside Chicago were there, and so I was like, really,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: is this appropriate a for me to even be there?
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: But it was because you know, once you get there,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: everyone was staying on what is that place called, It's
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: called the Forest Refuge. It's a Buddhist meditation center that's
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: part of I m S, which is Insite Meditation Society
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: that was founded by Sharon Salzburg and Jack Cornfeld, right, okay,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and those two are very big in the meditation mindfulness game.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: And I stayed at a hotel because obviously that was
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: breakfast and Bradley called a hotel, right, right, I stayed
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: at what was available closest to the spot. After the
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: first couple of days, so there was like you know,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: breakout sessions, you have kind of like group sessions. You
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: get put with a group and then lunch comes and
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: everyone prepares the lunch together. Yeah, they're different. You have
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: you have a Yogi job, and I obviously, you know,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: can't prepare anything you cut carrot video, because I mean
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I can cut a carrot. But once I got wind
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: of like that would be the male situation, I had
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: to start to think outside the box. And so one
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: day I was like, I was like, I can eat
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: soup and like vegetarian food, but at some point I'm
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: going to need something a little bit spicier or with
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: a little bit more, you know, action. So I finally
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: found a pizza place, and I remember going on like
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: day three, I went and I was like, I'm fucking
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: done with this food. I am going off on some pizza.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: And I went to this pizza place and I ordered
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: garlic knots an entire pizza. And I sat down at
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: the table and as soon as I and I had
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: all the food spread out in front of me, and
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, I am going off. I've eat nothing
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: like cabbage and soup and what it was very bish. Yeah,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: something I didn't know that I didn't need. And then
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: two other people from the retreat walked at the same time,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: and I just looked like I looked like Harvey Weinstein
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: at a dinner table, like it was so disgusting what
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I was preparing to just shove down my throat. And
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: as I looked up, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: And then I'm like, wait, they're fucking here too. It's
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: a small town. Oh my god. And then the last night,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I remember there was that cute black guy there that
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, how they came for him? I can't
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: remember it. It was the last night we all had
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: drinks and then we invited them over and they came over,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh God, if I hook up
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: at this retreat, it will all be worth it. I
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: mean it was worth it anyway obviously, but that would
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: have just been even better. But I'm glad I didn't
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: hook up with him anyway, because then I saw that
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: picture of him on the beach. Anyway, So we're going
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: to take some callers, and I see we actually, Catherine,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: who do we have? First? We actually have Alex who
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: we talked to last season and you sent him to
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: see Shelley at Pandemic of Love. So he is going
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: to join us and tell us a little bit about
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: his experience. Hi Alex. Hi, Alex could just cry, I swear,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: how wonderful. Oh my gosh, Shelley, it's so good to
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: see you. Oh my god, Hi, Chelsea, are so cute, stopping,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: they are so cute to Oh my god, look how
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: happy you are. I remember last time we spoke, you
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: were so remember, oh my god, so Alex. For our listeners,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: let me just recap. So the last time Alex called in,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you were really stressed out about your rent, about seeing
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: your father, who had just recently been diagnosed right with
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: some cancer. Yeah he was radiation yet, yes, and you
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: had no You were a hot mess because you were
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: dealing with so much stress, and it was in the
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: middle of COVID and you didn't think you could afford
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: your rent. You didn't you didn't know if you're gonna
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: get kicked out, and you you couldn't afford to go to
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: your father. And I said to get in touch with
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: pandemic of love, and within I don't know, seventy two hours,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: you had a plane ticket back to see your dad.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, talk about miracle working, Shelley. That is a miracle.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's just a conduit, really right, It's just
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: so it's it is beautiful. It's it's I just in retrospect,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I feel like at the time, I was like flailing
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: and like I felt like I was drowning and there
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: was like nothing to grab onto because it was like,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: my dad's sick, my job has been negatively impacted by
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: the pandemic, my housing situation is kind of messed up,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: and it just felt like there was no kind of
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: safe ground. And yeah, it was wild how quickly Shelley
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: was just like, what do you need? I'm here for you.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: It's really the last thing you think about when you're
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: in the midst of all that was asked somebody for help.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: It was just the last thing that came to mind,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: because I I think that what's fundamental about your organization, Shelley,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: is that there's a realization that the last eighteen months
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: are bizarre and not normal, and what we're going through
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: is not horrible, and we can't have prepared for this
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: even if we wanted to so right, and we all
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: need each other. I think oftentimes we're so in this
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: state of freeze, right, fight flight or freeze, and so
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of us just freeze when we're like flailing
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: as you described it, and we we don't know what
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: to do, so we don't do anything. Yeah, you know,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: and asking for help is like very intimidating. What's also
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: special about your kind of care is that I intentionally,
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you felt this at all, but
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: I like, after maybe the first week or so, kind
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: of took a step back from sending you updates because
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: you're so upfront with all of the people you're helping
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: who are in such enormous need, and it's really difficult
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: to feel worthy of help, you know, amongst all those people.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: And I kind of took a step back and just thought,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: you know, you helped me like cover when I read checks.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: You helped me cover a wildly late electric and gas bill.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: And then I was just like, you know what, I
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: don't think I need any more. And then about a
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: month later you d M to me and you're like,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: so that trip to se your dad, I was like, what, Like,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: how is I thought that like it was a wrap
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: on this, Like just you entered my heart. You you care,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: you love like relentlessly, and I think that is such
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: like a special guest, especially like as somebody's a teacher
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: to to love still relentlessly for so many people, is like,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: that is so true. I wake up and there's text
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: from her going, you are special, you are loved. You
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: need to hear this today, And I'm like, what, I mean,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: where does that capacity come from? I would say it
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: comes from twenty years of meta practice, loving kinds practice,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: but really just expanding your heart out. I think the
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: more we we love on people, the more that it
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: just bounces back and comes back to us, you know,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: and it's contagious, like I've become I feel like a
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: better teacher. Are small interactions with each other, it's really
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: really special. I decried about I'm gonna cry, Alex, well
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: now everyone I know and are you crying a little bit?
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Can you cry? Can you start crying too? So tell us?
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: How's your dad doing? By the way, yeah, how was
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: your trip? You know how those trips to see your
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: parents I think get more special as you enture your
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: like mid twenties. We smoked the blunt together and we
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: went and visit We went visited my mom's grave stone,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: which we haven't probably haven't done such well. And I
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: hadn't been home in over two years. So just being home,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I think after being in the city and experiencing that
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: really intense drop of the pandemic was it was nice.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: It's a really good breath of fresh air, so it
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: was amazing. His doctor apparently thinks that he will be
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: find the next two years at least. So definitely about
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: the fresh air because I was looking pretty bleak for
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: a minute. Oh that's great, that's great news. That's amazing.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm so happy. I'm so happy too. And that's
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: the other thing is I told us to Shelley already,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: but like I didn't realize how valuable that trip was
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: because I hadn't seen I got in two years and
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I might only have two arms left with him. So
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: it's truly a priceless gift that you gave me, Shelley,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Thank you well. It came through Chelsea and it was
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: through her community. So let's remember that it takes a community.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: That's the whole premise of this, right, It's not one person.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: It's like we're all. If you are brave enough to
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: ask for help, which you were and you are, then
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: it allows for that floodgate of love to come in.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm so happy that we were able to surround
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: you with that love. That's amazing. You're worth it. Yeah,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: and it's great to hear that. You're also like reciprocating
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: that out to other people, you know, because when you
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: are loved, you love right, and when I feel it,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I want to give it. So it's always important to
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: remember to instead of withholding or retreating, to always move
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: towards someone and towards another person. Yeah, loneliness to sort
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: of selfish in a way. It's like in receiving love,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: you're actually able to become a vessel for that. It's
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: almost like if you nor that care, it's kind of
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: a lost possibility. And how's your teaching going? By the way,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. You have to come
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: to my show at the Beacon, so both of you
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: that you're both coming on you will both be there
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: that same week. Yeah, you'll get us both in the
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: same week. O fun. I love it, Alex. I love
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: these updates. That's so fucking awesome. I can't wait to
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: meet you and hug you in person. Me too, Thank
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: you so much, you too, thank you? Okay, bye? I
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: love you, love you, love you. Yeah, he deserves our love, right,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: everyone does. Amazing, Joe says, I love you to everyone,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: And I'm just going to start saying it too. Yes,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: he should, because everybody loves you. Everybody tells you they
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: love you. Well, I know, I know. I sometimes I
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: don't say I love you too people because I find
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: it to be insincere. But you know what, it's just
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: good to say I love you, I think so too,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: or even love you. You don't have to like make
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: it romantic. Okay, Katherine, So what else do we have today? Well,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: today we're talking about bettering yourself and I feel like
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: we just did talking to Alex. We're talking about self love,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: continuing education, healing from a bad relationship, all kinds of
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: ways people are betting themselves. Okay, let's do it. That
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: sounds like a great place to take a quick break,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: and we'll be back with some collars. Sounds good. Okay,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: we're back and Katherine's taking off her blazer. She's really
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: listening up. My pants are still off, and Shelley's wearing
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: a a jumpsuit. Actually, I have that exact jumpsuit and
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I literally wore it just for you because you're the
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: jumpsuit queen, and I was like, what should I wear?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear a jumpsuit. I just had to pack
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: for my tour, and I was like, I thought I
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: was going away for four days, and then I found
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: out I was going away for three weeks. It's like,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: all fun, how many jumpsuits is that? You? Like? You
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: need TED? You need TED outfits. I'm like, I'm gonna
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: need another influx of jumpsuits. But anyway, never mind that
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: part of the conversation. It doesn't really make any sense
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: to anybody who can't visualize what I'm talking about. Okay,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: So who's next? So our first question today comes from Alyssa.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alyssa, and I'm
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: calling in from Denver, Colorado, and I am seeking your
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: advice on how to cultivate the best relationship with yourself.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I just got out of a long term relationship that
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: ended during the pandemic. I thought it was going to
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: end in marriage, turns out it just ended. I'm really
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: actually feeling empowered by the decisions I've made that feel
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: true to myself, and at the same time, I feel
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: nervous about how to move forward. So I thought I
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: would call in and just ask for what advice you
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: might give to someone who is newly single and interested
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: in renewing that relationship with themselves. Oh that's always good. Nice, Yeah,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: because when you go inward, that's when you start to
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: get good stuff going right. When you're ready to take
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: a look at yourself and create a deeper relationship with
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: yourself is when then you really start to glow. Yeah.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I think it was Walt Whitman who wrote Alone and
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: the Soul Emerges. So if you're willing to go in
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and go deep, when you get quiet, things can get
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: really really loud, and that's pretty amazing. Yeah. It's also
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: good like that for decision making when you get really quiet.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: That's something I've learned through meditation. When you can't decide
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: on something or you're having trouble making a decision, to
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: just go and sit alone in silence, and the answer
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: does come to you, comes to you in your gut
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: and you know like, oh that okay, this is what's
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: This is the real me, not your ego. That's yeah,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: it's like your real me, your soul who you are,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: telling you what to do right, And we usually do
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: exactly the opposite. We usually ask for advice from like
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: everybody who shouldn't even be giving us advice, Just like
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: clutter this base with like all this noise, that's my
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: signature dish or it was to go around and just
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: gets and then I'm looking just for somebody to agree
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: with me, you know, And once I get something agree
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: with me, I'm like, Okay, that's the right decision, right,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: which you would have gotten to anyway had you gone
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: to your loan space. So Alyssa, I think you're totally
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: on the right track. First of all, you should commend
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: yourself for even having the the awareness, the self awareness
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: to know that you need to hit pause for a
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: moment to sort of recalibrate and get in touch with yourself,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: because most people can just jump from one relationship to
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: the next, or you know, they try to fill that void,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: if you will, that exists with something else, with a
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: vice or with another boyfriend, or with activities or business.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: So congratulations on that you're on your way. I would
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: say that I'm a very big fan of two things. First, journaling.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I write in journals every day. I have for the
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: last I don't know, God, since I was like in
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: fifth grade or something and somebody bought me a diary,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: like a pink diary with like a unicorn on it.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: But I actually think that writing things down helps you
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: sort your thoughts out, and if you are intimidated by
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: blank page, there's so many different options for journals that
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: already have prompts that are listed that can really help
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: you get your juices flowing and help you think through
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: a lot of kind of like bigger questions that maybe
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: when you're so busy in a relationship, because you give
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: so much of yourself when you're in a dedicated relationship,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: it can help you actually sort of bring the focus
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: and the center back to yourself and really ask questions like, well,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: what do I want with my life? You know, what
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: do I want to do? What do how do I
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: want to show up? And and what do I really
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: want for my next relationship? And it can help you
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: just sort of exfoliate all of that through through writing
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: very gently. The other thing I would say is that
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: you know, you should really consider and think about how
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: you want to invest in yourself right now that you
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: have all this free time and you're not in a relationship.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: What are some of the things that maybe you did
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: not allow yourself to do, you know, whether it's taking
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: a class or learning a language, or traveling or really
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: anything that you could possibly think of that you may
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: have given up on or not even embarked on because
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: you were in a relationship and a relationship is compromised.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: We always have to do that, but some relationships are
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: worth doing that for because you can grow together with
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: the person. But I would say, just pick one thing,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: pick one thing that you are willing to explore that
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: you've always wanted to explore, and gift yourself with that,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and you'll see how amazing things can unfold. And who knows,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: maybe you'll meet your next partner when you're embarking on
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: that journey. Yeah, I think that's great advice. I like
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: what you said because I would ever suggest journaling because
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: I don't do it, and I just I won't do it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: But I like that because I think a lot of
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: people benefit from it and it's really help to put
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: your thoughts down on paper. My thoughts are always coming
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: out of my mouth, so it's like I don't have
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: to worry about it. Also, you know, meditation, which I
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: suggest to everyone, is a really good way to get
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to know yourself because you start to understand how your
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: brain works and what and the distractions that your mind
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: kind of has a pattern with. So the thing that
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: we talked about a lot on this podcast is when
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: you're not feeling like you're doing it well or you're
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: doing it right. But that's what meditation is. It's getting
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: focus again. It's losing focus and then reclaiming the focus,
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: and it's setting yourself up to understand that your only
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: job is to sit there with your breath and focus
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: and as soon as your mind drifts, to take it
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: back to the focus. But understanding that your mind is
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: going to continuously drift. That is part of meditation and
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: it helps so much. I just read this other book
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: about meditation and it was I won't mention the name
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: because we're only talking about sit down to rise up
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: from for the rest of our lives, and which is
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: a book that everyone needs to buy. And the two
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: biggest benefits, they said, we're impulsivity and focus. So now
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: when I can have a crazy, crazy day with eight
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: five things scheduled, but I can be focused at every
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: single thing that I'm at. And that is a result
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: of meditation. Because before I had severe a d h
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: D or a d D I don't know, it was
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: never diagnosed. I don't need anybody to diagnose it because
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I can diagnose myself and I know a college, yeah,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: and I needed and a doctor that doesn't have a degree,
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: a degree less doctor. And my reactions, you know, reactions
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: to things. Now I can go, oh, look, look how
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: how fast your chest is beating because of something that
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: just happened. Now I noticed my body before my brain
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: does something with it. You know, I go, oh, oh,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: that's you having a reaction to something, and you know what,
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: You're not going to do it this time. And my
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: focus is so much better than it was. So that's
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: also a great way to get to know yourself and
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: to get to know your thought patterns and to rehabituate
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: yourself with different thought patterns. And yeah, again, also the
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: fact that you're even asking the question means that you've
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: taken the first step into discovering yourself and getting to
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: know yourself better. And I love what you said about
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: maybe not having that had the time in a relationship
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: to explore certain things, but then being able to do that,
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: you know, taking the time now to go, you know,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: do whatever it is that you find interesting. And meeting
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: somebody like that is a strong possibility because when you
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: say to the world or the universe or whatever you
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: think when your energy is like, hey, I'm getting healthy
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: as healthy as I can be, all you're going to
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: attract is other healthy people. That's right. Yeah, you're definitely
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: putting that energy out there. So it's a major domino effect.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: It's just like you know, if you sit, if you
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: complain about something, then that becomes your narrative, and if
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: you are happy about something, then that becomes your narrative.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: So it's like, what do you want to spend your
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: time doing? Being happy or complaining? What you focus on expands.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: There you go, Katherine, there you go. Yeah, Catherine is
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: also a psychiatric unicorn. I do my best a degreeless doctor.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: We're all degree with doctors here. Do you have a degree,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: We don't want to talk to you. If you have
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: a degree, we are not interested in communicating. My degree
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: is in playwriting, so that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Well
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: then maybe you'd be interested in start journal and starting
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: to journal with Catherine if you haven't already, since you're
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: already good at writing. Okay, anyway, well that was good, right, Yeah.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I think Alissa, you've got some tools in your toolbox,
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: and just keep adding more tools in your toolbox. That's
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: the point. Yeah, and I'm glad that your relations You know,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: every time a relationship ends, it is a beginning of
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: something new and begainning of a new phase of your relationship.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: So when anything ends in my life now I have
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: that attitude like, Okay, that wasn't meant to be for
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: much longer, or that's over. But look how exciting the
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: next thing is. Because anytime something ends, something exciting begins.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: That's just the way the world works. And you know,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: you can speak from a personal space because you had
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: spent the last few years not in a relationship, right
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: several years, and you really did a lot of deep
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: dive like work on yourself, went to therapy, tried new things,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: said yes to a lot of things, and you were
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: able to create new connections and really discover a better
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: version of yourself. Yeah, and you know what, a lot
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: of my relationships didn't survive my therapy. Not a lot,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: but a couple of important relationships in my life didn't
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: survive therapy. And that was also a good thing for me.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: It was a good thing to get rid of that
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: kind of unhealthy attachments or negativity. And even though it
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: felt it was like, oh, you get healthy and you
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: realize you want to be around healthy people, and you
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: want to have healthy relationships that have boundaries and that
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: are adult like instead of, you know, living out your
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: childhood as an adult. Amen, Sister Hustle Ama lic Um Well.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Clayton. He is in Chicago.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: He says, Dear Chelsea. Back in twenty nineteen, I started
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: at a company where I knew the CEO, and taking
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: this position allowed me to go back to school in
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: the evenings. The CEO has been super supportive. I told
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: her I would need to go down to four days
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: a week at work, working longer hours during those four days.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: She agreed, and all is good. Several people left the
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: company in the past two years, and many of those
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: responsibilities got added to my role, the most recent being
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: an extremely time consuming data entry position that layers on
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: top of my current full time responsibilities. When discussing my
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: concerns about workload with HR, I asked if there would
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: be a monetary supplement for taking on these additional responsibilities.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: The HR person promptly replied no, there will not, and
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: went on to say that they didn't think I was
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: contributing enough to the company to justify my current salary.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: I was taken aback as I take pride in my
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: work ethic and the quality of work I put out.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I'm typically a happy person, but I can't get the
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: negative thoughts of work out of my mind. How do
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I flush this negativity out of my system and get
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: back to the self. I enjoy being Clayton and he's
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: with us. Hi, Clayton, Hey, how are you? We're good?
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing great? Well, that's really frustrating,
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I can see. I can imagine how frustrating that must
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: be to take on extra work and then be told
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: you're not doing enough, which is complete and utter horseship. Yeah,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I have. I have some probing questions though, to just
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: learn a little bit more. So you're still in school? Yes, yes,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: I have two years last got you? So you're you're
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: still working four days a week and I'll put that
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: in quotations because I'm sure it's not actually four days
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: a week. It's just for Monday through Thursday, let's say.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: But you're working weekends probably and over time. Are you
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: still friends with the CEO of the company? I am, yeah,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: we have a really nice report. Okay, And have you
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: had this conversation with the CEO, or do you feel
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: like it's something that you don't want to go to
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: or risk the report of the relationship with the CEO. Yeah,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: I haven't gone to her yet. May mean because when
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: I was talking to the HR person she prefaced it
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: as we think instead of I think. So the confusing
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: thing for me is, really, if this was an issue,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I'm surprised that she didn't say anything to me. Right.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: In other words, if you weren't contributing enough before, your
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: supervisor should have at least mentioned that to you and said, Clayton,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: we don't think you're doing enough, rather than just saddling
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: you with additional workload and then saying, well, you're not
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: doing enough. So here we're saddling you with more work
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: for no additional pay. So I get. I get how
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: you're feeling, and you know, it's a tricky situation because
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I understand that you probably don't want to jeopardize your
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: relationship with the CEO, that you have a nice rapport.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: But I also think that you do need some clarity,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and I think that you deserve some clarity. You know,
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: if I was in your position, and I had spent
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: twenty years in the corporate world, so I can speak
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: from from a place of personal experience. In situations where
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I had a rapport with the CEO or reported directly
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: to that individual, I would carefully and I'll say carefully
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: because I don't think you should come at it like, oh,
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I'm your friends, so let's have a friendly discussion, but
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: in a careful and respectful way. I would maybe try
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: to be a little bit vulnerable, and I would word
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: something very carefully, like really kind of rehearse it ahead
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: of time. Right. There's there's a really great book called
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: Difficult Conversations that you should get. It's great because it
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: actually creates this model for you that is like pretend
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: your person a and pretend your person being. You can
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: actually have somebody else train with you. You could already
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: prepare what you want to say. You can go through
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: the process before you actually show up to have the
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: conversation with the CEO, so that you don't feel nervous
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: or stick to your stomach or however you physiale logically
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: feel before you have to do something that is really
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: nerve racking, and you can be prepared when you go
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: in to just have a really respectful conversation and at
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: the at the worst case scenario, Right, the worst case
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: scenario is that you don't get a raise, but you
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: get clarity, right, And you can preface everything by saying
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: I love working here, and I appreciate the support that
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: you all have given me, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, all the
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: things that you want to say. But I would say
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: that you should just prepare yourself for a conversation, ask
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: for a private meeting with the CEO, and very respectfully
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: just air your grievances to just get clarity. Maybe you
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: won't walk out with more money, but you sure as
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: hell at least we'll walk out with some clarity around
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: the fact that you are appreciated at the company and
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: that you are doing enough, and that you are enough
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: so that you don't have to feel resentful and find
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: that that's doing over time. Yeah, and just because the
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: HR person said as we, I mean, that's what they say.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: They say we for a reason, right, How what is
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: your relationship like with the CEO? Like, what kind of
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: report do you have? I used to work for her husband.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: They both have startup companies, and I jumped over to
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: hers so I could go back to school. And what
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: is the size of the company. It's a small company.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: There's like less than forty people, So then it does
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: sound totally appropriate to talk to her. I agree, I
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: think so. I think if you hold it back, you're
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: just going to be brewing and stewing with Yeah. Yeah,
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I can see it in your face. So for if
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: not for any other reason than to alleviate the bad
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: feeling that you have about the information that she gave you,
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: which is insensitive and ikey all around. Yeah, agree, Yeah,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: but don't let her, you know, dictate your mood. You
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: talking to the CEO is taking it into your own hands,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: since you have your own personal relationship with her, and
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: that's saying, Okay, this is not okay with me, and
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I need a better answer for this, and I need to,
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: you know, have a better piece of mind about it,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: which is also taking charge of the situation, which is
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: exactly what you should be doing to have a better
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: piece of mind exactly. Let us know how that conversation goes, Clayton,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: and have it sooner than later. Are you prepared to
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: do that? Definitely? Yeah? Great, Well that's great, Thank you
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: so much. Yeah, I hope everything works out, But keep
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: us posted. I want to hear back. Thanks Clayton, good luck, Okay, bye,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: that was good. I'm glad you were here for that
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: corporate ship because I wouldn't know what My sister Simone,
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: who Shelley spreads with, she fucking works in corporate America. Yes,
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: she died biotech firm and San Francisco, And when she
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: talks about work, I want to stab myself in the throat.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: It's so fucking boring. It is so boring, and she
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: has to manage people, and then she's got a supervisor
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: and all of that. I'm not moving part. What the fuck?
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: And She's like, Chelsea, it's not like I want to
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: be doing all of this. Everybody has to do this.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: It's a part of my responsibility. It's not like I'm
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: doing it for fun, Like I have this role in
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: a company. I'm like why why? But yeah, Corporate America
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: makes my stomach. It's just like everybody. I have no
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: respect for authority figures either, you know, me telling me
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: what to do. The other day, I was driving, I
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: was in Spain. We were driving down the street to
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: my house and the police. You're not allowed to drive
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: on the street unless you have a house on the street.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: And because it's kind of like an esplanade, and the
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Spanish police were like, hey, hey, no cars, no cars.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I lived down there, and they're like, no,
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Where's your and my friends in the car,
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: And I go, yeah, it doesn't matter. I live right there.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I can drive right here. You're not telling me what
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: to do. And I just kept driving and my friend goes,
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: you have the pass right here, like on your dashboard,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: just stop it and I'll show it to them. And
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I was like, funk those guys. So I have no
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: regard for any authority figure telling me what to do.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I just don't like it, especially when it's a man.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Didn't you have, like ever have like a real job
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: before you? Like, well, I dried into comedy, like oh no, no,
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: I mean I tried to be attempt I would get fired.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: I could not transfer a phone call. I waited tables.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: That was all I could do. But I got fired
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: from that too, because I would tell people off all
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: the time. I would just go off on people i
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: didn't look me in the eyes. I'd like, you don't
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: even deserve to eat here if you can't look at
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: your server in the eyes. I would go off on
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: people because people are so fucking rude when they eat
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: at restaurants. You know they have no no table manners
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: and no bedside manner. But no, I can't. My sister
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: Smone said to me once she goes when I was upset,
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: you know, in my twenties, when things weren't going the
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: way I wanted to or as quickly as I wanted to,
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: remember her going, you will succeed at this because you
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: cannot do anything else. I can hear her say. She's like,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: you don't worry. You're never gonna have a real job
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: because you wouldn't be able to keep it. So anyway,
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: those were the words of encouragement from my big sister.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: What's next, Catherine. Okay, So our next caller, Amber says,
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I just got out of a three year
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: real relationship. In most aspects, I've never been more confident
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: in my life. I just got a great new job,
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: I've been in therapy for a year, and I'm finally
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: financially secure. But inside I feel deep sexual shame. For
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: the last nine months of this relationship, there was no sex,
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: no physical connection, nothing more than what felt like friendship
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: over time. When I would make a move, my boyfriend
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: would make me feel like I was being inappropriate or pushy.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: It's now been a year since I've had sex, and
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: not only am I incredibly frustrated, but I've become very
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: insecure about the length of time, and that makes me
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: even more frustrated. Now I'm so fragile with being rejected
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: sexually that I can't even imagine being able to cuttle
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: up next to someone again. I went back onto a
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: dating app to see if I felt a connection, and
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I did, but when they wanted to meet and probably
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: have sex, I freaked out and deleted my profile. Clearly
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not ready, But how do I manage to get
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: back in the dating pool after this negative experience? Amber? Oh?
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: Hi amber II. Yeah, it's great to meet you. Oh,
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: thank you. It's great to meet you too. This is Shelly. Hi, Hi, Shelly.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. She's our special guest today. She's
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: a very good friend of mine who gives very sagacious advice.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: So you're in for a real treat. First of all,
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I just want to say to you that I have
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: gone multiple times for years without sex. I don't know
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: what the longest was, but definitely more than a year,
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: So that is not uncommon. So there's no reason to
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: beat yourself up about that. You know that happens all
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: the time to people, And there's no reason just to
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: have sex just so you cannot go a year without it.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: That's lamer than going a year. And yeah, it sounds
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: like your last boyfriend just kind of did a number
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: on you that you're still recovering from. Right, Absolutely definitely
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: feels like I'm just still recovering from that, I think,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I definitely just I'm not ready to go
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: there yet, but I know when I am ready, I
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: still feel that a little bit scared, a little nervous,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: and I just hate the idea of being ridge I
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: did again, so right, Right, But you're not alone in that.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: You know, so many people experience that, that fear of
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: rejection and that fear of being intimate again, the fear
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: of like I mean, I used to be so uncomfortable
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: going on dates with people that I would have to
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: have like two cocktails before I could even show up
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: because I'm like, what do I do? How do I act?
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: What do I say? You know, I put a giving
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: off this energy that I was just like so guarded
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: and so like get away from me, you know, and
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: knowing that you're not ready a is incredible because that's
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: knowing yourself and fear of rejection is a very common
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: feeling and that's something that you can easily work through
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: and it takes a little bit of time, but you know,
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: you can get there. And you're totally hot, You're totally young.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, you got all this stuff going for you.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: You're gonna find somebody, you know. Not a lot of
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: people spend their lives being single forever. Being single is
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: a period of time that you have to really really
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: take advantage of. You know, I have been single for
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: years and I'm recently in a new relationship and I'm
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: so glad that I spent that much time alone because
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: now he'll he'll never leave me alone, Like I will
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: not be alone again. So I put all the time
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: and effort into myself for this purpose, and you know,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: that's the way it works. Shelly, what do you Let's
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: talk to her a little bit. What do you well?
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: I I actually I have a question regarding like intimacy.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Do you have other types of intimate relationships in your life?
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Meaning do you have friends or family members that you're
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: really like loving on that you can like hug and
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: be intimate with in a physical way that isn't inappropriate
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: of course, Right. I'm really close with my family, I
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: have a really great group of friends. I have a
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: dog that I rescued ago, Right, So I do feel
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: like I have so many other great things going in
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: my life, and it just felt like this one piece
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: kept overshadowing everything else amazing that is happening in life
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: right now, and getting my dream job and finally being
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: financially secure and figuring out my mental health, and so
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: I just kept feeling like, why do I go back
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: to this specific piece? Right, So, I do feel so
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: grateful that I do have that really great connection with
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: friends and family, and and yeah, I think we live
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: in this like culture now that and I've been married
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: now for fifteen years, so I don't necessarily fully understand
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: this culture of you know, dating apps, because it just
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: there were no apps when when I got married. But
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: I think that there's so much pressure to sort of
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: create that one on one connection really quickly and for
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: it to like work out or for it to become
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: intimate really quickly as well. And I kind of feel
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: like my best advice would be especially because you have
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: a great group. It sounds like you've a great network
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: and a community of friends and family and people who
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: love and care about you. And especially now that we're
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: in a phase where you can at least go outside
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: and like, you know, not have to be stuck in
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: a house for eighteen months. You can actually go to
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: the old fashioned way of trying to meet somebody in
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: a natural set sting, right, And that maybe takes the
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: pressure off because things can happen and naturally unfold slowly
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: and carefully, as opposed to it going from zero to
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: sixte and like a matter of a minute, right. And
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I agree with Chelsea. I think that, you know, we
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we're like, oh,
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: I need to just have an intimate relationship or go
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: have sex because I haven't had sex in a year.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: And really it's not about that. I think it sounds like,
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: especially from what you're saying, like it's really more about
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: intimacy and not just having that like one night stand,
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: you know, and just like Okay, I did it, I
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: got over it, because I actually think that that could
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: also cause a lot of issues. You know, you can
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: then start self analyzing yourself if it didn't go the
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: way you wanted it to go. So I would just
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: say focus on your friends, focus on the intimate relationships
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: you do have, and put yourself out there in in
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: new ways that you haven't done before, right Like, say, yes,
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: go out to the events and to the things that
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: are of course being safe in the world that we
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: live in today, but go out and just try new
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: things and and do new things with all the people
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: that you love. And when you radiate in that environment
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: of the people that you feel safe and comfortable with,
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: you'll start to attract other people into that space as well.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: That's great advice. Yeah, yeah, And you have to think
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: of abundance, right, Like what you said is all abundance.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: You have a rescue dog, you have a close relationship
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: with your family, you have friends. Those are all wonderful
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: things that you have an abundance. And if you focus
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: on that, that attracts more and more abundance instead of
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: focusing on what you don't have in this moment. You know,
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: you want to focus on when you do have the
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: opportunity to be with somebody that you've done the work,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: the inner work, and that you've done the self esteem work,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: and that your ex boyfriend doesn't define you. He doesn't
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: define how you think about yourself. You decide what you are,
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: who you are, and how you're going to be in
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: this world. And you're lovely and anyone would be lucky
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: to be with you. So like, no, I'm not worried
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: for a second about you. I think we always just
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: get into situations where we think we're single and we're
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: like we panic. It's like, no, that's a cause for
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: celebration too. Single dumb is celebratory. And you experienced great
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: relationships with your friends and your family, especially when there's
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: no love distraction, you know, because when love comes in
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: then it is a big, big distraction. Falling in love
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: is a huge distraction. So put in the time and
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: effort now so that your family and friends don't get
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: mad at you when you do fall in love. That's
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: great and it actually also you inspired me. I really
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: loved skiing, and now I can work remotely, so I'm
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: thinking about going to Breckon Ridge for all of February
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: and working. And I mean I was like, you know,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: this also frees me from having to, you know, hang
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: around San Diego, and so I can move around and
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: do things, and actually you and iron me, I thought,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: oh I could do that. Now I'm so I'm trying
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: to kind of get in that mode of thinking of
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: those things. Hearing it from you two is really helpful.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: So I really see a Ski love relationship in the future.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: I love Breckon Ridge. That's a great place. I love seen.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: I love Margarita's. Yeah, Reckon Ridge is great. That's where
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: I learned. Well, that's already a great decision you made.
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: So good for you and have asked and keep us posted. Okay,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: if there's any great developments or you have anything to share,
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: always call back. I will thank you so much. It
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: was so great to meet you. Thank you, Thank you
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: so much. Bye. I love energy like that. Oh, go ahead,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: do you want to cough on me? I went down
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: the wrong pipe? Yeah? How does that happen with water?
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know, And I always I always thought I
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: only had one pipe. Do we have more than one pipe? Listen?
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that there were three holes down there
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: for a lot of time either. I was like wait
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: what my friend my sister had to explain. She's like, Chelsea, honestly,
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: between you not knowing the difference between the moon and
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: the sun, and you don't know the three holes that
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: are down there. I'm like, wait, I thought I thought
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: your period and your vagina we're the same. Fuck. I'm
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: a mess. I'm like, where is that hole? She's like what?
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I thought that when you put a tampa
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: forget it. Let's not even get into it. But I
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: can't be the only one. Lord, I don't know what
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: I was doing during class when I was growing up
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: not there. I was not paying attention, and that's for sure.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: But I didn't start smoking weed until I was like
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: an adult, So I guess I probably found some other
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: I probably was on pop Rocks, Pop Rocks and Colah. Yeah, Amber,
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: I wish we could look at being single the same
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: way we look at when you meet someone. Yeah, you know,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: because the beginning of being single and then like that
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: whole you know, for lack of a better term, journey
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: of being single is where you grow up. That's where
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: you grow and you become your best self. And I
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: wish but looked at that and in that way like
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: I just met someone, it's called me, and we're going
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: to be together. I decided, I've just found out recently
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: that I like my own company right, and that was
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: something that helped me so much, was spending time alone
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: for the first time in my life without having so
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: much noise and groups of large, large groups of people
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: around me. That was something when I got to know
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: myself a lot better, or by just remaining alone even
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: when I was bored, I would be like, you can't
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: be bored, Like, go read a book, go watch a show,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: go take a walk, Like you can't do that anymore.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: You're not bored. And it's good too. Yeah, it's good
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: to get down with yourself. Yeah, loneliness that turns into solitude.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: It's so great, well, I think Emmer. Also, as women,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: we tend to blame ourselves when someone else has a
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: reaction in that type of way. We just talked to her.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: She's gorgeous, we saw her on the video. She's got
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: a cool job. She's clearly articulate. Like him, not wanting
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: to have sex had nothing to do with her exactly there.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: As women, you're so right, Catherine, Like every time, I
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: can't tell you how many guys have not been able
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: to perform sexually in the bedroom with me. When Push
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: came to shop, when I was on a date, or
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: I've gone out in a couple of days with somebody,
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: or I've brought someone back to my house where they
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: could not have a sex. Whatever is it is about
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: me was so emasculating and such a turn off that
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: they could not get a direction that I would literally
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: say to my friends, this is my vagina smell like
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: is something? Can somebody smell my vagina? Because I think
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: something's wrong with my vagina. It's like, no, it has
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. I mean, it probably has
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: a little to do with you, but more of your person,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: you know, like, but it's not. It's like everyone's going
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: through their own ship. And when a man doesn't want
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: to have sex with his girlfriend, that's because something's going
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: on with him. That's right, Yeah, totally, he needs to
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: do the deep dive. He should call it next time.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Or maybe he was cheating, you know, who knows, Maybe
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: he had something going on on the side, and maybe
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: he doesn't like women. Maybe he's gay. Yea. Our next
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: email comes from Charlotte. She says, dear Chelsea, so I
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: have two sons that I love with all my heart.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: Their thirty five and twenty eight, and I've raised both
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: by myself, since their douchebag father basically wanted nothing to
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: do with them after I packed our ship up and
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: left him. I've told my son's to never bring me
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: a grandchild. I tell them, if you want to bring
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: me something to cuddle up with, bring me another rescue pup.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: I really don't want grandchildren. Is there something wrong with
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: me because I don't want any? Charlotte, No, that sounds
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: pretty accurate. I mean, Charlotte, I'm with you. I mean, well,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: from my perspective, I don't know about that. Well, what
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: do you think she doesn't want grandchildren for? Well, I
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: think because she doesn't want the responsibility. She's like, man,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: I've been I was saddled with these two kids, you know,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: when I was a single mom for a few years,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: and it was really tough. And yeah, you have no
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: time for yourself, you have no money, you're broke, you're tired,
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: you're angry all the time. You certainly don't have time
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: to date. Suddenly she's raised these two grown men who
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: she loves dearly. But she's looking back at that period
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: of her life obviously with some form of trauma. Right,
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: So there's some unresolved trauma that's there, that's now sort
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: of creating this filter, this lens that she's looking at
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: children through. And so it's like all children, all children.
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: And so if my kids get married and they decide
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: to have children, then I'm going to be saddled somehow
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: with those children. And at the end of the day,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: a we both know it's not her decision whether or
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: not they are going to have children or not, right,
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like it should be she raises two sons
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: by herself. I feel like she should have a saying
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: whether or not they procreate. Well, I think more people
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: need to have less children. Quite frankly, you know, that's
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: a whole different discussion for another day. I I could
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: agree with that, I could get on that bus for sure,
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: but I would say that it's not her choice. And
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: but what is her choice is, you know, the boundaries
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: that she's able to set once they do have children,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: and what type of grandmother she wants to be. I
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: know grandma's that are like my mother, very like hands
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: on and actually suffer vacating sometimes often most of the time. Actually,
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: if I'm just trying to soften that a little bit,
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: but she's not going to listen to this podcast. You
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: never know, she'll hear about it from somebody. I promise you,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: I love you, mom, I really do. But you could
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: be that type of grandma, or you could be the
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: type of grandma that's out and about, like a Vanderbilt
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: or something that's like just traveling the world and popping
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: in once in a while with like a few trinkets
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: and then darling, would you like to go have a
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: martini together? And then like you leave again? You know, right, right,
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be a grandmother. I just know
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: children lead to more children, lead to more children, and
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to ever refer to me as Bunny,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: which is a new nickname that grandmothers are using, Imny
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: Bunny why exactly because Mimi's out And then there's the
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: other one, nana, mem all the words that people want
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: to create so that they don't have to be called grandma.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: What's wrong with grandma? I know some people because they
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: think it's to make some old if they're a grandmother,
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: so they want a different name, you know, But like, look,
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: you're such a great aunt. You've really taken all of
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: those children that you didn't want to have under your wing,
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: right And you are involved, but you have boundaries. So
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: when it's time for you to focus on your ship,
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: you just extracate heres out. I go move. I just
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: leave them in my house and then I go move
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: into another house. I've done that a couple of times.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: You guys will stay here, I'm leaving. That's a separate
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: conversation too. You know what, You're a great at giving advice.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, I have nothing else to add. Shelley's the
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: fucking one in charge today. She's much more insightful because
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: I just end up. You know, you have a wider
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: breadth of experience with different types of personalities and different
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: life experiences, so it's very helpful to hear your insight
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: on all of them. I'm a degreeless doctor. Yes, aren't
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: we all. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: come back and finish up. Okay, that sounds. I love
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: when Katherine's like captain of this ship. She's like, we're
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: gonna get you a captain's hat, Katherine. Yes, she's like
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: Perry Gilpin's character and Frasier. Oh yeah, what was her name? Ra? Yes? Yes,
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: she was my favorite on that show. Less. Okay, and
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: we're back. We're back, and this is your last reminder
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: to pick up a copy. Order your copy please of
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: Shelley to gel Ski's new book, which is called Sit
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: Down to Rise Up. I wrote the foreword for it. Yes,
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: you did so suck on that. It was great, so authentic.
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: I loved it. Thank you for doing that. Oh my god,
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: my pleasure. I thought's the least I can do. Do
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: you know how many thousands of dollars you've saved me?
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: With all the people that come to me asking for
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: their rent money, hundreds of thousands of I'm keeping tab.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: I used to do it. I used to give people
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: money and then I mean, I can't believe that, but
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: it always backfires. Like I one woman needed teeth, so
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: I gave her like twenty grand to get teeth. Then
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: she needed another set of teeth because the teeth she got,
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: she said, weren't good enough. I was like, what kind
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: of vicious cycle is this? How many sets of teeth
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: do I need to get you? I had made a
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: joke about people who have no teeth on my on
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: my TV show, so I felt obligated. Oh my god,
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: but you you know, people still tell me that you're
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: one of the only people that still responds to them
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: on d M because they're like I wrote a hundred
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: different celebrities and the only response I got was from Chelsea. Well,
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: you know what, I feel like people really need to
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: be heard and seeing. I really feel that way. I
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: like to notice people and I like them to feel
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: like they're heard. I mean at least once, know what
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, I know. Okay, anyway, okay, So what
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: else do we have? Katherine? So we have one quick
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: question and this is really right in the wheelhouse for
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: both of you. Dear Chelsea, you briefly mentioned using cannabis
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: while meditating. What do you recommend and how much cannabis
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: is too much for meditation? Gavin, I would say keep
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: it very light, because you know, sometimes with cannabis you
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: lose your train of thought, which is actually great for meditation,
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: your train of thought, but but your mind can wander
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: more easily sometimes when you're stoned. So I like to
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: keep it light. Just two and a half milligrams or
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: five milligrams, max, I would say, for just to get
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: you into a relaxed state so that you can sit
• 58:19
  Speaker 1: still and you don't want to overdo it, so that
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: you're you know, you're a blotto. You want to be
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: present for your meditation, that's right. Yeah, I would say
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: micro dosing for sure to help you get into that state,
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: because otherwise I tend to either fall asleep or think
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: about food. Yeah. Right, The food is a problem. It's
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: a big problem. Yeah. I mean we were in New
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: York the other night and I gave Joe an edible
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: because if I don't, I have to start drugging him
• 58:44
  Speaker 1: in around eleven, because if I don't, he will stay
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: up until three in the morning. And I'm just like, no,
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: we're not doing that. We're not doing that. So I
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: always give him a litt chocolate when it gets off stage.
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, here, honey, take this, because he's so apt
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: right from the four Man, which I know that feeling.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: And then we got to pack to the hotel, and
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: I mean when I say he ate everything in the
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: mini bar, I first of all, I was getting it
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: for him because he was in bed, sitting in bed,
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: and I he had eaten a thing of pretzels. Then
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: he opened up the pringles seas like you have to
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: taste the sprinkles. I'm like, no, I have more experience
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: with cannabis. I'm not going down that fucking booby trap,
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: like I'm not going. I'm not putting a pringle in
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: my mouth right now. And then I go, do you
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: want to? So I went and got, you know, a
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: healthy snack like the cranberry and nuts thing or whatever,
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: and I brought that back. He polished that off, and
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: he's like, is there another one of those? And I said,
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: there is, Joe, but like, at a certain point, don't
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: you need to stop fucking eating the point where he
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: falls aslade And he was laughing so hard at me
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: for yelling at him, like I was like, you really
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: stop it. He has really bad eating habits, although he
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: doesn't eat meat, so that's good. Oh that's great. I
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: love him even more now. But he will eat an
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: entire bag of cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese, sour cream potato chips,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: which makes me want to so my vagina closed. But
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: we digress anyway, back to the question. Yeah, see, that's
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: what happens in meditation. By the way, your mind just starts.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: We we went from like talking about meditation to talking
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: about food to talking about your clothes vagina. So that's yeah,
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: that's the story of our life. Before we go I
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: want to also let everybody know that I announced new
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: tour dates and announced my Canadian dates. So you guys
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: have who have been asking when I'm performing in Canada,
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: They're up. I'm coming to Winnipeg, Ontario, Vancouver, of course, Toronto, Calgary,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know, just look it up Chelsea Handler dot com.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: And I have many more dates in the States coming
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: up to in November. I'm coming to Rochester, Buffalo, and Syracuse. Oh.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: Actually first, I'm coming this weekend St. Petersburg, Miami Beach, Orlando,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: and Jacksonville October, and then I'm coming to New York
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: and then Denver. Anyway, go to Chelsea Handler dot com,
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: go to live nation dot com, get your tickets, come
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: see me on tour. Vaccinated in Horny. I'm fucking loving it.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: And I want to thank you Shelley for being here today.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: I want to thank Katherine, our producer, for being here
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 1: every day. And I want to thank all of our
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: callers and all of our listeners for making this such
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: a great podcast. For all of the people that call
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: and for me and for all of us. We really
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: enjoy doing it and it feels like we're doing something good,
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: you know, not just stupid. You aren't doing something good.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: You're doing great, You're doing something really good. You're creating
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: a ripple. Well, I'm just trying to meet people who
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: can do things so that I don't have to you know,
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: people like you. I need more people like you in
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: my life. So I could go, oh, yre, go to them,
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: go to them. Outsource outsource. That's a mark of a
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: true leader. Outsource thing. Oh is it okay? That's that's
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: a term used in corporate America often. Oh good, Well,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: there we go, there we go, and uh yeah, And
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: congratulations on your new book. Shall this is a huge victory.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: It is? It is. It's a huge accomplishment. And that
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: actually ties into my question, shition, I have a question
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: for you. I need advice. Yes, this is our new thing.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: I give advice at the very end. What is it? So?
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: I have the book coming out, and as you know,
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of weight that's put on the launch
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: of the book and wanting for it to succeed. And
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: your publishers have expectations, and your agent has expectations and
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: just everybody and then you start feeding into that, right,
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: So I've like fed into that and wanting to promote
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: it and wanting it to be successful. But I guess,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: you know, because I read about this as well in
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: the book. Like one of my biggest afflictions is that
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: I suffer from like imposter syndrome and like self worth,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: you know, which is like intergenerational in a way. How
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: do you or how have you disconnected your own self
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: worth from a success or failure of something that you've
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: done before? Like how do you not let that actually
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: come back if something doesn't go exactly the way you
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: wanted to go? You know? Like the book, I hope
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: it does well, but let's say it doesn't land the
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: way it's supposed to land, right, how do you not
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: let it define your own self worth? I mean, I
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 1: think that's a really you know, I think that's a
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: very common thing for anybody who's putting themselves out there
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: in any way, because you have expectations, right, And that's
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: the first problem, is that you have expectations because you're expecting.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, I go through this with my books, you know,
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: like if it's not number one, if it's number two,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: does that mean I've fallen? And says, I mean, I'm
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: not as good as I was when I wrote the
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: last book. And all of that ship. But you know,
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: it goes back to everything that we know about ourselves,
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: and it's it's our esteem that matters. It's what we're
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: putting out there. That's a huge victory, that's an accomplishment.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: It's not about how many people by the book. It's
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: about how many people are touched by the book. You know,
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: how many people's lives are you going to change from
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: them having read it? And that you're going to learn
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: about right away because people are going to reach out
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: to you on Instagram and d M you and then
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: you're gonna be checking your d m s because you're
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: gonna because I know you, and you're gonna want to
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: help people, and they're gonna tell you what a difference
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: that book may And when you look at it from
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: that viewpoint instead of a number's viewpoint, you want to
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: just look at it at the impact that you're having,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: because that's the ripple effect. It's just like starting your
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: meditation on the beach with fifteen people. You know, sometimes
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: books take time to catch fire or to catch on,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it happens instantly. But I would never ever
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: have the expectation that it's going to be the biggest
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: and the best right out of the gate. You have
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: to know that it's going to take time and word
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: of mouth, and that people are going to start spreading
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: the information about the book and take into account what
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: you just accomplished. You're publishing a book. You're publishing a book. Author.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: That's a fucking Badassah, that's badass. And we're all a
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: little bit more of a badass after today's episode, right,
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: everybody's a little bit more of a badass. Okay, I
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: like that. Okay, thank you, Shelley. I love you. I
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: love you too, and I'll see you and when we
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: get in my car and drive back to my house,
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: I can't wait. Bye Catherine, Bye, goodbye.