Latest / Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources / How Your Youth Ministry Can Build Trust in the Community (PLUS 300th Episode Giveaway Info! 🎉)

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How Your Youth Ministry Can Build Trust in the Community (PLUS 300th Episode Giveaway Info! 🎉) · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Your volunteers, here's the bottom line.
0:02
SPEAKER_01: They carry your culture for you.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: You always want to recruit character before you recruit talent.
0:11
SPEAKER_01: That is what continues to build trust.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: Like what kind of people, despite how talented they are, are we allowing on our teams?
0:18
SPEAKER_01: That will come back to bite you and it always does.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: And here's the bummer is you will answer for their behavior, not them.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: On this episode, we're gonna give you two big ways to continue to build trust in your youth ministry.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, the number one podcast to help you grow the size and health of your youth ministry.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: We have a special announcement at the end of this video.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: Why?
0:54
SPEAKER_00: Because this is episode 299.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: Crazy! Which means next episode is going to be the 300th episode.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Yes, so stay till the end.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: We have some little special news for that.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: My name is Jeff Lascola, and this is Kristen Lascola.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: And today we're gonna follow up sort of a part two of two weeks ago podcast that had to do with building a culture of trust.
1:18
SPEAKER_01: And I said, there was a lot of content.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Travis Seibert, but I couldn't get through it all in one episode.
1:24
SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna pick up that today.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: If you haven't heard part one, go ahead and listen to it or don't.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, but it was really good.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: People always say that stop what you're doing and go and listen to the first one.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Wait until you're done listening to this one, then go back.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: I think they can stand alone, but the other one had great stuff in it too.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna pick that up.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: So number next, because I don't know how many were in the first one.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: In a new series, number one.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: Yes, in a new episode.
1:53
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Jeff.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: That's tough.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: Permission to just, you know, let loose.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: Permission granted.
1:59
SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
2:00
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: So we had talked about how to build a culture of trust.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: And we talked a lot about parents and communication and stuff like that.
2:09
SPEAKER_01: But let's shift our focus a little bit now to our volunteers.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: How does the culture and maintenance of our volunteer teams, like how is that a direct link to trust when it comes to our ministry?
2:25
SPEAKER_01: Because we've been talking about how we want to build a ministry that is trustworthy, that people look at and feel good about sending their child or becoming a part of.
2:35
SPEAKER_01: And your volunteers, here's the bottom line: they carry your culture for you.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: And they carry it and multiply it out into your community, out into the schools, into their circles that they're a part of.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: They're almost like these little walking advertisements for your ministry.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: And so it's like, well, I don't know the ministry, but I know Andy and I love Andy.
3:03
SPEAKER_01: So I must love this ministry if he's a part of it.
3:06
SPEAKER_01: And that's actually a true story.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Everybody loves Andy.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: Everybody loves Andy.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: But Andy is one of my long-standing volunteers, and he's such like a pillar figure in our community.
3:18
SPEAKER_01: He's like volunteered to coach baseball teams and he goes to all the football games and he just seems to know everyone, and everyone loves him.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: And so having our ministry name on someone like Andy, and then he talks to people about it's like, well, you help out.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay, like I'll send my kid or oh, yeah, we've been curious about youth group, and now we know someone that we like.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: And so that is like a hidden superpower, I feel like, of ministry culture and trust.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: If you have these trusted adults that wear your ministry name out in public, out in the community, and bring it into their circles of influence.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: It's amazing, you know, the power that that has to show people like, wait, if this guy's on board, then it must be something good.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: And I'm blessed enough to have people like Andy and Heidi and JP, like these, especially older adults who are highly respected in our church and our community.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: And people are like, wait, that and chaos go together, then yeah, what what do you know?
4:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, and older is like 30 and up.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: And again, we always talk about how every age group is highly needed and valued on my volunteer team.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm just talking about someone who would maybe be in the circle of parents, right?
4:46
SPEAKER_01: You know, and that a parent feels like one of their peers is helping out, and that's like, whoa, like that's pretty awesome.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: So here's here's how we kind of leverage that trust.
4:59
SPEAKER_01: Number one, you always want to recruit character before you recruit talent.
5:06
SPEAKER_01: There are some really talented people that would do very well in ministry, meaning they have gifts of they have that woo factor, you know, like they can that stands for win others over.
5:19
SPEAKER_01: They just are charismatic and magnetic, and you know, they're good at maybe are looking for someone who's a great musician and they're wonderful at that.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: And you're like, oh, I get a two for one, a leader and a musician.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: Wonderful, as long as the character is there, because it's such a bummer when you have that youth pastor tension that you feel of like, I really want to use your talent, but you kind of suck as a person, you know, that will come back to bite you, and it always does.
5:49
SPEAKER_01: And here's the bummer is you will answer for their behavior, not them.
5:55
SPEAKER_01: So if you're the one who greenlighted them to serve because they were a good musician, or they were good at some kind of social media or media thing, or maybe they were just so cool and fun.
6:07
SPEAKER_01: The kids love them, and maybe they had a boat and you need a boat for your camp, and you're just like, uh, and you just like cave a little bit, it usually comes back to bite you, and you end up answering for their bad behavior.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: And bad behavior, like I always think when people are talking bad behavior in ministry, I'm like thinking of the oh no, they were selling drugs to five-year-olds.
6:36
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not like this huge.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's like they have horrible EQ and they don't know how to de-escalate a situation or a conflict, and they make you look really bad because the way they speak to people is terrible.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe it's something like they I had a guy a long time ago, I didn't know he smoked cigarettes, which is like, I don't know how everyone feels about that.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: We don't need to go into it, but he would be out in the he was a young guy and he was like my drummer, but then he would just be out on Main Street smoking, and like kids would run into him on their bikes or skateboards.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, something about this I just don't love.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: It's like my drummer on the weekend for worship, and now he's just walking around town smoking.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: It was like, okay, I don't know if that's a great example for 12-year-olds.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: So I had to ask him to leave.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: You know, there's just these little things, it's like, you're great, but also with you comes these things that I have to explain to people.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: Now, we know in ministry you're above reproach.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, are you allowed to?
7:47
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: Is it wise?
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Probably not.
7:50
SPEAKER_01: Am I allowed to post this on my social media?
7:53
SPEAKER_01: Maybe is it wise?
7:54
SPEAKER_01: Probably not.
7:55
SPEAKER_01: Am I allowed to smoke cigarettes on the corner of Main Street?
7:59
SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: Is it wise?
8:01
SPEAKER_01: Probably not.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: And so it's those kinds of things where you just sort of like, oh, how much of your behavior do I really want to be accountable for?
8:09
SPEAKER_01: And so that is what continues to build trust.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, what kind of people, despite how talented they are, are we allowing on our teams?
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, because parents talk and parents know people, and parents know a friend of a friend who that kid is their son, and oh, he helps out at the youth group.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I just saw him here and doing this, and they just posted that.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: And there are a few too many red solo cups in that picture on his Instagram.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And so just you have to be really, really careful.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: And with that, it's only fair for your leaders to be very upfront with those expectations.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I tell my leaders all the time, you are going to forfeit some rights to yourself.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: Oh, does that sound familiar?
8:55
SPEAKER_01: I think someone else said something like that.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: But it's you will, especially in leadership, you will just forfeit some rights to yourself.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: And we're not here to argue whether we should be allowed or shouldn't.
9:06
SPEAKER_01: That's irrelevant.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: If anything gets in the way of our testimony, our leadership, uh, the gospel being furthered, then it's a small price to pay that you didn't get to post that picture or you didn't get to go to this place or do that or whatever it might be or wear this.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: So it's like getting them to understand when you step into a leadership position, here's the expectation.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: And then you have something to hold them accountable to.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: So Trav would say, you know, that comes in the form of leader trainings and dripping that stuff in in your meetings.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: I'm a huge fan of having a leader meeting, a standing one once a week, instead of like, all right, everyone, Saturday from 9 to 12, meet here, and I'm gonna go over a PowerPoint presentation of all this stuff.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: I rather just drip it in when I see you, anyways.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: Like you're here on Tuesday night at our leader meeting from 6 to 6:15.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: Hey, let's talk a little bit about, hey, just as a reminder, and then whatever that training is for the day.
10:08
SPEAKER_01: That's my preferred method.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: And so just do that consistently.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: You can do a little bit every single week of just to remind you of our expectations, or, and it doesn't always have to be an expectation talk.
10:21
SPEAKER_01: It can be like, hey, don't forget to take your attendance, or how are your small groups going?
10:26
SPEAKER_01: Here's some great discipline things if you're having trouble gaining control, or you know, don't forget to sit next to your kids during worship because we're getting out of hand a little bit during the fast song.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: So let's, you know, spread out and divide and conquer.
10:39
SPEAKER_01: Whatever it might be, just always make sure you're giving them those reminders.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: You know, our senior pastor says, You're the CRO of your ministry, you're the chief reminding officer.
10:50
SPEAKER_01: He's like, you tell people what they already know over and over and over and over again till they can quote you and make fun of you.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: And that's when you know you did it.
11:00
SPEAKER_01: He's like, when people start mocking me because they know what I'm gonna say, I know I did it.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: I mock you all the time.
11:04
SPEAKER_00: You could always get upset.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
11:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh, so you're basically that you're saying like the 15-minute pre-youth group meeting is like the almost like fine-tuning of volunteer training.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: So, when do you go over like when there's a new volunteer?
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I know we have a whole episode on that.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: But just to remind, right?
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Right?
11:25
SPEAKER_00: Remind people what would that look like.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: Brand new person comes on board, give like the 30-second version of what that yeah.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: A brand new person comes on board.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, we have them come check it out.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Then they felt their application.
11:36
SPEAKER_01: If they're over 18, they get live scanned.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: We have two references on them.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: And then we uh go over some of our like like do's and don'ts, never ever's kind of thing, a little training on how to lead a small group effectively and just sort of the expectations for staff, like communication stuff.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: Like you never don't, you never don't just not show up.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, don't just be a no-show.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: Here's how we do that, or here's tools in your belt you need, like our Discord app, and here's the email thing you'll get every week.
12:10
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just stuff like that.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: But that was more than 30 seconds, but good job.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: No, it wasn't.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: Right.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: I would like someone to time that and put that in the comments.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: I'll time it when I edit it, and I'll put a little, I'll put a little timer up and see how long it was.
12:22
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that you're annoying.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: In our course, Youth Ministry Growth Accelerator, we go through all that stuff in depth, much, much more than 30 seconds or more.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, see, it was 30 seconds or more.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, go ahead.
12:36
SPEAKER_00: Go on to your next point.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Go on, girl.
12:42
unknown: Whatever.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Where am I?
12:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so um, going back to our leader culture and really define for leaders what success looks like.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: So, what when you think of a successful small group leader, they might be thinking of one thing, you might be thinking of another.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: And I've had to really talk leaders down before it's like we never get through the whole talk sheet.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, but did you have a good discussion?
13:10
SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, but there was like four questions we didn't get to.
13:13
SPEAKER_01: Like, you were successful, you know, or all we did was like highs and lows and prairie quests.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like, well, did kids feel heard?
13:24
SPEAKER_01: And you can try to get to a deeper question next week, but if they were participating and they wanted to share, that's also successful.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: So help them understand what it means to be successful and also help them understand like your ministry goals for students.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, and every small group tends to be a little different.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, some, it's like if they just were friends by the end of three months, that would be success for you.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: If your group could figure out their drama issue, if your group just all brought their Bibles consistently for two weeks, that would be success for you.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: If your students could open up and share a prayer request, that would be success for you.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: So help keep I feel like sometimes like youth volunteers are just like, what am I doing here?
14:16
SPEAKER_01: Like, are we accomplishing what we're setting out to accomplish?
14:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's hard for them to know.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: So remind them of those goals of like, no, it was successful when you know you got them to be quiet and listen instead of having to do all the talking.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: Or yeah, your group asked a great question.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: So that just helps keep them encouraged and keeps them focused on okay, maybe it doesn't feel like it because you can't compare it to your Bible study, your adult small group.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: Those goals are very different, you know?
14:49
SPEAKER_01: And so keep them in mind of like this is what we define as success as a ministry.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: And so also to keep that culture strong is celebrate, celebrate them often.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: You know, people they often say people repeat what you celebrate.
15:08
SPEAKER_01: So whatever's important to you as a ministry, celebrate that.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: If your team has worked really hard and done some great work, celebrate that.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: You know, we're leaving for camp on Friday, and I love to do a like a celebration after these milestones of like we did a really good camp, or after we do the battle, you know, four-week competition outreach thing.
15:30
SPEAKER_01: It's a lot of work.
15:31
SPEAKER_01: We like to do like let's have dinner and celebrate and play games or talk about what was our favorite part, or you know, it's just like it keeps people focused on what's important in the ministry when you celebrate.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: And just me, I hate when it just feels like a team goes from goal to goal to goal to goal with no breath in between.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: It's like we did it.
15:56
SPEAKER_01: All right, next mountain.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: It's like that's not very motivating.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I want to do something fun in between and like come down for air and come down for air.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: We both heard that.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we did, you know.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm trying to think of a scenario like a junior higher where you gravity were reversed and the water worried.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: That's what I was thinking.
16:21
SPEAKER_01: That's what I was thinking.
16:26
SPEAKER_01: Um, and then this is like kind of the non-fun part is correcting those bad behaviors.
16:34
SPEAKER_01: Bad could mean a lot of things quickly.
16:36
SPEAKER_01: So, like if you have a leader who consistently doesn't show up without not without not telling you.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Is that correct?
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Without without telling you.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: There it is.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: Then you text them, like, hey, where were you?
16:55
SPEAKER_01: We really missed you.
16:57
SPEAKER_01: I would love to know ahead of time if you can't make it so I can let your students know.
17:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah I would consider that a bad behavior.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, I didn't show up and I didn't let anyone know.
17:06
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, let's correct that.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: Or I kept my students way too long, and pickup was at 8:30, and we got out at 840.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh no, that's not gonna work for us.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe it was like you weren't sitting with your students during the message, and your students are being really disruptive.
17:25
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's your small group.
17:26
SPEAKER_01: You need to be sitting with them.
17:28
SPEAKER_01: So stuff like that.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: Just do those reminders because here's what happens if you let it go, which is way more fun, actually, to let things go, because then you don't have to confront it.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: But the problem is parenting tips, just so much fun, just for you, but not in the long run.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: So then other people see that and they're like, the uh what's this guy's problem?
17:51
SPEAKER_01: Like he's not doing what he's supposed to do.
17:52
SPEAKER_01: And then the problem always gets worse, and then you have to correct a bigger problem instead of just a little, like, hey, would you mind sending me a text if you can't make it kind of thing?
18:01
SPEAKER_01: So, and then making sure the volunteers understand the mission of your ministry.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: Uh, what is the goal?
18:11
SPEAKER_01: Like I said, I talked about smaller goals, like for their small group and stuff like that, like what is success in their small group, but what's the mission of this ministry?
18:20
SPEAKER_01: Like, what are we doing?
18:21
SPEAKER_01: What is the big goal here?
18:23
SPEAKER_01: And reminding them that of the big picture because they're gonna have bad nights and they're gonna need to be able to see the big picture of like, yeah, tonight was tough.
18:34
SPEAKER_01: But hey, I had 10 students who chose to come to church tonight, and I know we made some progress, even though it didn't feel like it.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think that helps keep them encouraged.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: And why that builds trust is because I think it helps leaders speak well of your ministry, even if there is a night that doesn't go well, or they left an event frustrated because of a student's behavior or an interaction that they had, you know, they'd be able to say, like, if someone approached them or the ministry came up in conversation or something like that, it would give them the opportunity to be like, yeah, junior high ministry is hard, but you know what?
19:15
SPEAKER_01: We're keeping our eye on whatever it is.
19:18
SPEAKER_01: Like we're bringing students to Jesus, and sometimes it feels like we spin our wheels, but man, when we look back over the last year, we see we had this many baptisms, and these many students came to know Jesus.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: Share that stuff with your leaders to let them know the mission is being accomplished, however slow it might be, so that when they go out and talk about the ministry, it's not like, I don't know, it's just a zoo, like who even knows?
19:43
SPEAKER_01: Like those kids are so bad.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, it's like, oh yeah, it's challenging work.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: However, here's what, here's the fruit we can point to.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: So keep them, keep the big picture and the goal in mind for them.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: So the second thing is the ability to build a partnership with parents.
20:02
SPEAKER_01: So parents are in all different categories.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: And we kind of realized this the other day.
20:07
SPEAKER_01: What does it look like to partner with parents and give them an opportunity to speak into your ministry or help or know your ministry?
20:15
SPEAKER_01: And some parents they just want an opportunity to help from a distance.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Like they might want to bring treats for an event.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they're willing to drive, maybe they're willing to pick up stuff or kind of be that behind the scenes person.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: Other parents maybe want the opportunity to help out and actually be a leader.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: Don't be afraid of that.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Leader, parent leaders are wonderful if they're really in it and excited.
20:45
SPEAKER_01: They're some of my best leaders.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: And some parents they aren't ready to like serve, but they want to be have, I think the best place to start is a relationship with you as the youth leader and the youth pastor.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: So sometimes I think youth pastors get frustrated, like, oh, parents don't help out.
21:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, they don't have to, like, they might not be the right person to help out, but have you given them another opportunity?
21:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, hey, we're looking for people to come and help decorate before this event.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: They might love that.
21:19
SPEAKER_01: Or, hey, we're looking for donations for this.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, there could be a more like a less pressure way for them to kind of get to know you in the ministry and get involved, and that will build trust because they had some interaction with you beyond just pickup or an email or something like that.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: But it wasn't like, and you're gonna be a small group leader and come here every Wednesday night.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: And it's like it's not not, it doesn't have everyone's name on it.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: So don't get frustrated if you're like, well, they treat me like I'm childcare.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, they are not youth leaders, you know.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: Like you drop your kid off at school, the teacher doesn't go, Well, thanks a lot, you know, like for just leaving your kid here.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: It's like that's the point.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: Right.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: You know, we get to minister to the kids, you know, that's our that's our whole thing.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: And just assume parents are trying their best, especially if you're a younger youth pastor.
22:14
SPEAKER_01: I think there can be this angst against parents.
22:17
SPEAKER_01: Just assume they're trying their best and treat them that way.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, always speak highly of a student's parents.
22:23
SPEAKER_01: Don't ever commiserate and get on their level with, yeah, your dad is the worst.
22:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like, well, maybe we just aren't understanding this.
22:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, let's pray about it, or can you talk to him about this?
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Like, you're always trying to put students and their parents in a harmonious relationship, not, you know, be like, rah, yeah, you're right.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: And then another way we build trust is invite parents feedback of when they bring something to you, really listen.
22:53
SPEAKER_01: If it, if it is something you are like, yeah, that makes sense.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: It's just the whole thing is like so wrapped up in pride.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Some people don't want anyone to speak into how they're doing their job at all, even if it actually is coming from a good place and would make more sense.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: It's just like, no, it's because I didn't think of it, I'm not gonna do it.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: And I think when we're in an unhealthy place as leaders, we take parents' feedback as criticism.
23:24
SPEAKER_01: But sometimes it can be extremely helpful.
23:26
SPEAKER_01: Like I had a mom, she gave me some ideas of how to make the pickup system clearer of where to go.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: And she went so far as to even laminate a couple of signs for me that I could post.
23:40
SPEAKER_01: That was so kind.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't like, I know what I'm doing, you know, because she's never helped out in my ministry.
23:47
SPEAKER_01: She like is a single mom of like four kids, she can't.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: But that was her contribution and it built trust because I took her idea and I actually used it and I thanked her for it.
23:58
SPEAKER_01: Not like, no, don't worry, we got this.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Like, but putting like when parents give you feedback, taking it seriously, or gently course correcting if it's something like, oh, yeah, that's a great idea.
24:12
SPEAKER_01: I see why you brought that up.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: That actually wouldn't work for us, but I wonder if this would.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's always a really great way of like, I like the idea and I appreciate the feedback.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: That exact thing isn't gonna work for us.
24:26
SPEAKER_01: However, what could you know?
24:29
SPEAKER_01: That means you're hearing them and not just closed off to I know everything because I'm the youth pastor.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, the people who are experiencing your youth ministry also are have a lot to say that would be helpful because they're the recipient.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: So you're only able to see your ministry from one way, you're not receiving it.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm in a unique position right now because I do have a kid in our ministry, you know, and so I'm experiencing it as a parent and as a leader, like both at the same time.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: That's a hard thing to do.
25:01
SPEAKER_00: And if if you implement what these parents were are uh suggesting, it adds that extra level of buy-in and uh ownership of the ministry, like with them.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: I don't think they would look at it and think, like down upon you, like yeah, moron.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: Good thing you took my advice because you don't know what you're doing.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: Right.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: I think it will probably elevate you and the ministry in their eyes.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, and they'll feel like more of a part of it than anything else.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: They're like a shareholder, you know what I mean?
25:32
SPEAKER_01: So also communicating wins, not just problems.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: You know, the fastest way to a parent's heart is to speak highly of their child, if you can.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: Um really stretch.
25:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
25:45
SPEAKER_01: I think that builds trust that A, you know their child, but B, that you're I think it's just music to their ears when the work they're doing at home is being displayed out in public, you know, like, oh, so-and-so is so kind, or I love having so-and-so in our ministry, or he's so funny, or he's such a great part of our they're so consistent, they're here every week.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: So can yeah.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: I love their consistency and dedication to our ministry.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: See?
26:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, see, you got it, you got it.
26:21
SPEAKER_00: A little word wizardry, and you can do anything.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: Well, we had given some character awards away um at the end of this year to our eighth graders who their small group leaders nominated as people who for the last three years that they've been in our ministry have displayed consistent like character.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Not that they were perfect, but it's like these people have been consistently walking with the Lord and it shows.
26:46
SPEAKER_01: I mean, as far as we know, who knows?
26:50
SPEAKER_01: But one of the kids who got nominated, we gave him an award and his mom sent me a text.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: Like, that meant so much to us.
26:57
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: I always am torn on that as like the benefit of like recognizing these like 12 people worth everyone else being like, wait, right, why didn't you pick me?
27:10
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's kind of hard.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: Or is it like, no, that's a part of life.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: You don't win everything, you know, be better.
27:15
SPEAKER_01: Just kidding.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: But I yeah, I'm torn on that.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: I love some other opinions on that.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: I it was kind of a new thing we tried, but it all that to say, it just meant so much to this mom, like that we saw her son and that he was recognized, and it made her feel, I think, even more warm toward our ministry because it was like, oh, he's loved these past years.
27:40
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for all you've poured into him, you know.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: And it created this like fondness of like, you saw my kid.
27:47
SPEAKER_01: And it was true.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he really did get recognized.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: We weren't like, let's make her love us, we'll do this.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: But, you know, parents want you to communicate wins, not just problems.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's always such a bummer when the only phone call you get, the only text, the only email you get is a problem.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: And as a youth pastor, you know how that feels.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: It's like when you get that parent complaint and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, has the other 200 times your child has come here and we've rolled out the red carpet and done this, this, and this, and one little thing went wrong and you're ready to rip us to shreds.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what was all the other like so the all the times that went right counted for nothing?
28:27
SPEAKER_01: And I was reading the book of Proverbs the other day, and it kind of was saying that as like one, I'm gonna botch the actual quote, but the sentiment was like, you can do all these right things, but then one moment of folly kind of yeah, it does.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: And so that's kind of that frustrating but realistic look at it.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah.
28:50
SPEAKER_01: And then lastly, we'll end here, build relationships with parents before you actually need them.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: So it's not it's not wise to keep parents at an arm's length, it's very wise to build positive relationships with your students' parents because you not for this reason, but you will need that relationship at some point.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: We use this metaphor of like chips in the bank with people.
29:19
SPEAKER_01: And chips in the bank with people is this idea that every positive interaction you have with someone, you put a deposit into their bank, and you can look at everyone and like, what's my account standing with you?
29:34
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm gonna have to make a withdrawal at some point, meaning you're not gonna like what I did, you're not gonna like what I said, you're not gonna like the phone call I have to make to you.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: And that relationship, does it have enough of a balance that I'm not gonna go in the negative because now I'm gonna have to make a withdrawal?
29:50
SPEAKER_01: So, do I have enough chips in the bank because every relationship is going to need that?
29:55
SPEAKER_00: So And you can think of that in the reverse too.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: The the people that come, the parents that come to you and are real fans of your ministry and are giving you compliments and like, oh, I love what you guys did.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: This, my kid is having so much fun.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: And then if they ever have a critique or something, maybe they say, Hey, I didn't like this or whatever, you're gonna like weigh that much more heavier than someone who's, oh my gosh, they always complain.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, what's one more complaint?
30:19
SPEAKER_00: It's I know you don't like anything.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
30:23
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that just makes it even like stronger of a point.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, you don't like that, so make sure you're building these relationships with parents.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: You do need parents to be your fan.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: You do, you will go much further.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: Your ministry will grow, your the health of your ministry will grow, and parents are again winning them over is that like hidden superpower of youth ministry.
30:52
SPEAKER_01: Don't give in to the temptation to be like, yeah, parents are just the worst.
30:58
SPEAKER_01: So because they're not, you know, they're trying really hard.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: So parents who feel valued become your greatest advocates.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: And obviously, we said earlier, if you uh haven't already seen the episode we did two episodes ago, uh make sure you check that out.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: How to get parents to put more trust.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: That's not what it was.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: What was it called?
31:20
SPEAKER_01: How to create a culture of trust in your career.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: It was something like that.
31:24
SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, it was a it was a good one.
31:26
SPEAKER_00: Trust me.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, anyways, we are we have um a little announcement.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, we told you before that this is next episode is going to be our 300th episode.
31:36
SPEAKER_00: We love doing giveaways when we do a milestone like this.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if we'll do one for 350.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: So this might be the next one until well, maybe we will.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: We'll see what happens.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: It's still fun.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: So for 300, episode 300, we're gonna be doing a giveaway.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: We're gonna make it real simple.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: The rules for how to enter are gonna be in the description below.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: But the easy way is just basically email us in a subject line or in the description or in the uh body of the email, just say free 300, and we you can enter, and we will be announcing some winners in the next, I think, two weeks.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: Cool.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so all right.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having a community comment.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: Community comment of the day.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: This comes from Rye Daddy33, who says, Love ministry coach.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: These guys are great.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: So many awesome ideas and great resources for connecting and supporting our youth in these crazy times.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: Kristen and Jeff are fun to watch, listen slash listen to with their quirky positive vibes.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: They keep things fun and real.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for taking the time to share with us.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: You're welcome, Ri Daddy.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: I like the quirky part.
32:42
SPEAKER_01: Someone once called me spunky.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Spicy.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: You're quirky for sure.
32:50
SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: You are too.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: I have to thank you guys for watching and listening.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: Make sure you enter the giveaway, and we'll see you next time.
32:56
SPEAKER_01: Today we're continuing our part two.
32:58
SPEAKER_01: Oops, I hit the time.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: Today we're continuing.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Maybe they have whoa, okay.
33:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm doing quiet.
33:06
SPEAKER_01: Woo! So, volunteer alignment.
33:10
SPEAKER_01: We are gonna talk.
33:12
SPEAKER_01: No.