Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 338. Tips For a Fresh Start In the New Year: Embracing 2025, Using Affirmations To Your Advantage & the Perks Of Quitting With Yasmine Cheyenne

Transcript

338. Tips For a Fresh Start In the New Year: Embracing 2025, Using Affirmations To Your Advantage & the Perks Of Quitting With Yasmine Cheyenne · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If you want to have the energy, the excitement, the joy,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: the creativity to be able to create all the things
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: that you want to do this year, you're going to
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: have to let go of the stuff that is completely
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: wiping you out and that isn't good for you, and
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: that's going to require you to really choose yourself.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Hey, Hey, Emily, a body here. You are listening to
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: episode three hundred and thirty eight of Hurdle, a wellness
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: focused podcast where I talk to inspirational people about everything
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: from their highest ties and toughest moments to essential tips
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: on how to live a healthier, happier, more motivated life.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: We all go through our fair share of hurdles. My
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: goal through these discussions is to empower you to better
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: navigate yours and move with intention so that you can
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: stride towards your own big potential and of course have
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: some fun along the way. You know, one of the
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: pieces of feedback I got going into season nineteen of
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: the show, which we are in right now, is that
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: y'all love a topiced episode. You love hearing stories from
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: athletes and founders, but you also love this actionable advice
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: that helps you get to where you want to be,
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: and so for today's episode, I am bringing in Yasmin Chaiamne.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: She's a wellness coach, a self healing and wellness expert,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: a two time author, one of the newest members of
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: the Start Today family, and we are chatting all about
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: fresh starts. It's something that's super relevant at the beginning
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: of a new year, so many of us after fresh beginnings,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: and so in today's episode, Yasmin and I are talking
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: about how to meet yourself exactly where you're at to
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: get to where you want to be, the importance of
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: not judging your beginnings to harshly, how to get honest
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: with yourself without guilt or judgment about your current circumstance
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: in order to move forward and progress. When I tell
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: you I could sit down and listen to Yasmin talk
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: for hours, that is an understatement. I feel as though
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: I am calm when I am in her presence, and
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I felt so lucky that we were able to connect
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: while she was in town. Like I said for that
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Start Today launch, I'm going to link that new website
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: and app in the show notes, so definitely definitely check
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: it out. But yeah, amazing, amazing conversation today and I
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: am aiming to bring you more of what you want
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five. Again, this show it's my baby,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: but it's as much mine as it is yours. So
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: if there's a certain topic you're into, a certain expert,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: you want me to chat with an athlete, you want
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: to hear their story, I am all ears. We're getting better,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: We're moving forward in twenty twenty five, we are becoming
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: exactly who we want to be, and that happens together.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: It's at Hurdle Podcast. I am over at Emily a
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: body and with that, let's get to it. Let's get
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: to hurdling Today. I am sitting down with my friend
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Yasmin Chayenne. She is a thought leader, a wellness expert,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: a self care expert. She's also one of the newest
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: members of the Start Today family. How are we doing today?
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: I'm so good? How are you?
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I'm so good. I'm so excited for you. I'm a
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: buzz for you right now. Talk to us about Start Today.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm still like buzzing from that. I
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: just basically launched last night Start Today as a new app.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: What I love about it is you know, I teach
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: meditation on the app, but there are so many people
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: teaching their like specific modality. There's somatic meditation, there's sound bowl,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: there's every kind of fitness even if you have disabilities,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: if you have if you need certain adjustments. They really
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: thought about everything and also the diversity. I don't know
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: if you noticed last night because Emily was there. It's
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: just beautiful to see and be a part of.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: So yeah, I.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Love when a company pays attention a company, a brand
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: pays attention to the diversity the breath of individuals that
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: they want to work with. And to your point, it
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: was really clear at the launch event for this yesterday
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: that it was a priority.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, And I mean it's NBC, right, so there's
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: this also experience of pinch me. It's so funny that
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I'm here today, honestly because I'm in the kind of
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: the area where I grew up.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: So it feels very full circle.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: I love that idea. I love that, you know, Brooklyn
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: has that way about it. Yes, well, I'm happy that
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: it's a full circle moment. And it's kind of fun
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: because so much has happened for you since you and
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: I first connected.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I know so much.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: You're now a two time author. Yes, does that ever
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: get old for you?
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Never? Or never? Does it feel like I'm just so grateful?
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: This is it?
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, it's not it. No, I'm writing books
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: for me right now.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: You're like spoiler alert. There's so much more to be done. Well.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I am honored that we are able to find this
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: time to connect, especially at the beginning of this new year.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: It was a no brainer to have someone that is
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: not only so compassionate but so dialed in to this
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: important topic of self care come in and talk to
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: us me about a topic that is, oh my gosh,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: on everyone's mind right now, quote unquote, I need to
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: start over. Yeah, shutter, shutter. There's so much pressure that's
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: put on us at the start of a new year,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: don't you agree?
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I think that I don't know how we got into
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: a It probably was marketing or something, but how we
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: got into this rhythm of it's January first, so now
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: we need to like redo our whole lives. But we
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: fall for it, and we fall for hard every single year.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: For myself and for a lot of my friends, I
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: think that we're getting towards this age where and I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: don't even know, you know, if you're in your late
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: thirties to like mid forties, you're starting to feel like
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: every year does feel like a big deal because time
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: is limited. And I think that that's a real thing
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: that a lot of us are contending with.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: You see that, you.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Know, you know, I'm not going to get carted again,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Like life is changing, like you know, and it's I
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: think it's becoming very real to a lot of us.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I think that there's that pressure. But if you're younger,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: if you're the gen Z folks that are you know,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: continuing with the new year, I think they also seem
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to have a pressure that we didn't as millennials to
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: like really get it right because they have different circumstances
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: that their world is going to require for them if
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: they want to be successful, if they want you know,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: all of these things. So I'm saying that to say
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: I think there's a truth to the fact that we
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: do need to reevaluate what didn't work last year and
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: try to be more intentional. And then there's the other
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: part of maybe we can do it with compassion, Maybe
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be so incredibly perfectionistic.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And for these this next generation, so much of
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: what they're doing is online, right right, it's platformed, and
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: so these individuals feel this extra added pressure to show
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: up in some kind of way because there's such instant access,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: a journey for instant gratification, instant everything, and it's a
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: lot to deal with.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: It's a lot.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And I was just talking to someone who was twenty one.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if that's still gen Z. Maybe
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: it's a little bit young. I don't know, I've lost
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: the generation. But we were talking about the club, and
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I know this is a hurdle podcast the club, the club,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: but I could not imagine having been twenty one and
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: being watched and videoed in the club.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: Could you imagine? That's literally my nightmarees I'm so grateful
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: that he didn't have phones.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: And she was talking about how she doesn't feel like
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: her and her friends get to really have a good
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: time because you can't, right, And even from that like
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: very micro experience, I think that's the experience of what
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: it's like to have always been being watched, not just
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: by yourself and your own thoughts, which we all deal with,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: but by your friends, your family, everyone, wants to know
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: what's next. That's what I think is. There was a
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: post I saw earlier before I got here. There was
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: this guy recording and trying to say new Year, New
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: fresh start, but he kept messing it up, so then
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: he's like angry, like typing it out again and then
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: setting it up and trying to find the right light.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I really feel like that's the simulation that we're in.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: I love that he's putting that out there, though, but
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: that's the stuff that we need. That's the vulnerability, because
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: vulnerability and imperfection is relatable perfection, and this aesthetic idealism
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: is not no and it's not real, it's not real
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: on the slightest. Well, before we dive into talking about
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: a fresh start, two things. One, I gotta know, we
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: just talked about the launch of Start today, But how
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: are you doing really at the top of this new year?
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Genuinely, I am a little tired. I cannot hang like
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: I used to, but I am actually really good. I
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: feel excited about everything that I'm working on. I feel
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: excited about just going home and getting back into the
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: routine of school and all that stuff with my kids.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: I really had to Last year was a big year
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: for me, letting go of a lot of what the
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: pressures that I would put on myself and getting very
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: clear about what my purpose is, which I feel is
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: very important because if I am thinking about success from
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: what I am seeing online or what people or even
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: like my team or whatever what I do someone else
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: thinks successes, then I can get caught up and be
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: in a pattern of striving and never actually be able
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: to sit with the fact that this is actually the
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: path that.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I need to be on.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I don't need to be doing everything. I just want
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: to be doing these things. And if I'm doing these
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: things and I am doing what is best for me,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: so that has helped me like reclaim so much of
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: my energy. And I think that's why even on like
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: five hours of sleep for the past two weeks, that
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I feel just really good right now, accumulative five hours
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: of sleep for the past doing How do you let
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: go of the should? It sounds so airy and wonderful
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and something to be a tad envious of when I
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: hear that, right it's I'm in this place where I've
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: been able to let it go. But how does one
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: let it go and focus on the things that truly
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: serve them rather than what they feel as though they
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: should be doing. I think it's really important to I'm glad.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that, because I don't want
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: to make it. I am not the you know, you
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: just let go and then open your heart like that's crazy.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I have to choose it every day personally, I am
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: a recovering perfectionist. I think that's going to be a
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: lifelong journey of mine. I think I'm constantly going to
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: be coming back to a place of choosing myself again
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: and choosing what's real versus the stories that play in
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: my head. And so every day I have to remind myself,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: especially you know you probably relate with this when you
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: go online and you see like all the things we
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: see immediately like that starts turning in my mind and
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm not doing enough. I'm not being enough,
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not showing up enough. I need to start doing tiktoks,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: I need to start doing dances whatever all of it starts,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: and then I have to come back to myself. And
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: sometimes I get caught on the story and like mid
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: way through learning a TikTok dance, I'm like, what the
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: hell are you doing yasmin? This is not a part
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: of I'm kidding, I'm not learning your TikTok dance, but like,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: what are you doing?
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: This isn't a part of what So I think to
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: answer your question concisely, I constantly am coming back to
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: myself and having that internal conversation and reminding myself, this
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: isn't what you said you wanted, so let it go.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: This isn't even a part of what is important for you.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: This isn't one of your values, This isn't something that
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: matters to you. So you you gotta release it, gotta
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: release it.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I love that idea of don't start doing a TikTok
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: dance just because you feel like you should be doing
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: a TikTok dance in your house. Obviously the TikTok dance
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: isn't the thing, but it's an example of the bag, right,
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: And so to get clear on what feels good right?
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: That was a question that I was asking myself a
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: lot in twenty twenty four. It was what feels good
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: for Emily in this moment, and being able to get
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: clear on that and be honest about that. That honesty
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: is the first barrier to seeking what it is that
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: you truly are aligned with, what you truly quote unquote
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: should be doing is asking yourself what feels good here?
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: And that felt good for me.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I saw that difference. Yeah, you know,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: watching your I mean obviously not watching in real life,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: but watching you on your page. It just you can
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: tell when so one's sharing from a really intentional place.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: And it felt like that, it just.
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: Seemed like you. And that's an example before.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. And in the something that
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Robin ar Song said to me a couple of weeks
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: ago when we sat down for the show, she said
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: that so often, as we are creating, doing living, we
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: have an inclination to compare ourselves to someone that is
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: on the mountaintop. Right, So maybe you are writing your
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: first book and you're looking on social media and comparing
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: yourself to someone who's a twenty two time New York
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Times bestselling author, and understandable, right, there's a goal there.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Maybe there is some shininess to that, but you cannot
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: compare yourself on the draft of page one of your
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: first book to this person who's done it twenty two
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: times before. And it's challenging, not to do that, but
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: it happens more often than so many of us would
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: like to admit. Before we go any farther, further farther,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: I think that we should get a little grounded. Perhaps
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: I was so inspired and in all of you in
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: the room last night, commanding this room of hundreds of people,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: and there's so much happening. We're truly like right above
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Union Square, there's the noise from the street, and yet
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: we were still able to slow down for just a second,
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: a few minutes maybe and do that really beautiful breathwork exercise.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: So maybe for us in this room right now, you
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: and I and then also those listening to this wherever
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: they may be, maybe they're on their commute right now,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: let's just get intentional for a second. And I love that,
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: and do a little breath So you want to lead
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: me in a little breath.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: For sure, Let's close our eyes for a minute and
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: take a deep breath in through your nose, exhaling out
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: through your mouth. And I just realized that my breath
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: was really tight. And if you ever feel that, you
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: can put your hand on your heart space again, take
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: it deep breath in through your nose, exhaling out through
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: your mouth, and just taking a moment to think about
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: perhaps any thoughts that have come up since we've been
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: talking about these very triggering topics around success and showing
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: up and who we are or who everyone thinks we
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: should be, and just feeling where there may be any tightness.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Or tension.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Or fear, and maybe getting a little curious about what
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: you could do to just be present to it, not
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: shift it, not change it, not judge it, just hold
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: space for it again, breathing in through your nose, exhaling
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: out through your mouth, dropping your shoulders a little further,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: and again just feeling how being present to the tension,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: being curious about the triggers, just sitting with it can
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: help it to dissipate within the body and maybe make
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: it just a little bit easier to shift, change, transform
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: witness in the future. We're just going to take one
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: more deep breath in and we're going to hold at
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: the top, exhaling out through the mouth, reminding yourself in
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: this moment that anytime you take time to come back
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: to yourself, even for a few minutes, it matters, and
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: gently opening your eyes.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: It matters.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: I needed that, I needed that, and it's so true
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: because as we get into this conversation about this desire
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: for a fresh start, at first, before you do anything,
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: you have to come back into your body.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: You have to yeah, the presence of being connected to
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: yourself and how that allows you to really witness. There
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: is no what do I want? Without being present? There
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: is no how can I move forward unless you're going
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: to be willing to be present. Presence is the hardest thing.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: All of us have been in a situation where we
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: were with a friend and we're like, oh my gosh,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: she is ignoring this red flag. It is blaring. We
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: do the same thing, and so honesty is hard. Honesty
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: is rigid, and once we know the truth, most of
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: us cannot live with, you know, just allowing it to
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: be not what we should be doing for ourselves. We're
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: going to have to make a change, And so we
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: ignore it so that we can stay kind of in
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: the ignorant bliss of whatever story, whatever hope, whatever we're
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: hoping will be. But when we're honest with ourselves, we
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: have to we usually make a change. So if you're
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: brave enough to witness yourself like that in itself is
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: major work. I think sometimes we're too hard on ourselves.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: We think that, oh, I should have been further by now.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: It might take you two years just to be honest
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: and witness It might take you that much time to
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: be willing. Some people live their whole lives and never
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: tell the truth.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: Witnessing yourself can be truly challenging because in this self
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: inquiry you start to see things that maybe you don't
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: want to see right and so understandably so at the
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: turn of a new year, when we're doing all this
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: self reflection, it can feel really turbulent. Also understandable that
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: there are so many people that finally feel like they
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: are in a place that they can say, I recognize
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: these things I'm doing. Maybe it's a pattern. Maybe it's
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: certain relationships that we have, certain company that we keep,
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: certain practices that we do that we're not so proud
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: of that don't make us feel so shiny and beautiful
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: and excited. So as we step into this place of
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: desiring a fresh start, the question arises, how can we
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: not judge ourselves for this past behavior.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I honestly think this is where community comes in because
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: to be very clear, like we're talking about self reflection,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and yes, a lot of it is done alone. But
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: I think what really freed me and what really frees
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: a lot of people as I've been on this journey
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: and the work that I do working with people is
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: when you are witnessed by someone else and they can
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: mirror your light and what you really are versus what
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: you tell yourself you are or what society tells you
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: you are. So I never want anyone to think that
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: this work is a solo journey. If you're not in
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: the healing work or your journey for connection, I want
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: you to get really curious about why you're doing it
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: in the first place, because I hope that you're doing
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: it for vulnerability, for you know, community, for building and
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: being held and being able to hold in reciprocity. And
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's where we find out we're not really
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: so different, that I'm not really wrong. Everyone's going through
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: some version of this. That's I think where we really
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: stand in our power, and that in that moment of
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: sharing it with someone and they say like, maybe not
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: me too, but I so get that, or they reflect
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: to you, you know, are you really right about that?
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Because I watched you last year and you kicked asks
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: last year. You know, they really allow you to come
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: out of whatever cycle you might be and stand more
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: firmly and a truth that again, when I say the truth,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: the truth is not always bad. Sometimes the truth is
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I've been so hard on myself for five years and
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: actually I've done everything that I wanted to do, and
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: I've just been in striving mode because you know, I've
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: never been taught how to love myself. I've never been
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: taught how to celebrate myself. Sometimes that's the truth that
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: you are winning, but you would never even admit that
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: because that has never been your norm. Sometimes the truth
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: is I don't know how to let love in. And
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: those truths can hurt, and they can also reflect that
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: the success is already there. So I hope that makes
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: sense for people who are listening that you may go
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: into it thinking this is what I'm going to learn
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: about myself, and then when you have somebody else reflect
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: to you, you realize, oh my gosh, to Nursing, that
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: there's so.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: Much power in what you mentioned about community, and also
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: so much importance to the validating of personal experience. When
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: you are going at something alone, it can feel like
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: you are on a small lifeboat in the middle of
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: the biggest ocean that there is right and to open
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: yourself up not only to recognize where you're at and
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: start to get honest about that, but then to community
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: to help you navigate this experience. You realize and remember
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: and are reminded that you are not alone, not only
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: in whatever it is that you're going through, but also
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: likely in how you feel.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think people realize how powerful that's why, and
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you know this with the Hurtler's community.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: When you have this is this.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Is a perfect example for this ons podcast. When I
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: watch people finish marathons, I am in shambles, like because
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: we know what it took just to decide to go
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: for the first mile, like that first step is so hard,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: and then to get injured and come back. And you
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: know that is why when we sign up for things
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: or when we do things and we think, oh, I'm
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: just running out, you know, a marathon, we'll see what happens. No,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: it is a trans as you know and everyone listening
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: probably knows. It's a transformation. You're never the same again
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: because in community, you watched people, some people don't finish.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: You never know what's going to happen. Like that's like
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: a very much metaphor for life, like you're on this
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: journey and you don't know how it's going to turn out,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: But there's everyone else around you that has the same
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: vulnerability too. If you're willing to be in it and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: be witnessed and you know, maybe you need to walk
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: the rest of the way, Maybe you when you allow
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: yourself to be held. That is what happens when we
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: say yes to leaning in, And that same analogy can
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: be applied to this self reflection to starting this new year.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: If you don't remember anything else I've said today, I
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: hope that you remember to lean into your community. And
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: if you're listening and you're thinking, I don't have community,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: I hope this is an invitation to you to really
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: begin to put yourselves in those rooms with people with
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: like minded ideas and beliefs and hobbies so that you
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: can find it. Because that could also just be the
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: very thing that you're missing this year. That might be
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: the one thing that you do and you will have
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: a transformation in your life if that's all you do
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: this year.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: What does community look like for you in practice? Right now?
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so freaking beautiful. I feel really grateful because
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: it wasn't always that way. Friday. This Friday, I'm going
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: to a friend's house and we're all coming together and
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: we're bringing a bunch of skincare products that none of
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: us have used that we're going to swap. We're writing
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: down our goals for the year, and then we're all
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: going to mail it to each other at the start
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: of next year.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with this. Everyone lovestening to us is now
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: about to get their own skincare party together.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Yes, And it's like, you know how it is when
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: you get older, like and people have families and stuff
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: like that, you don't do stuff like this anymore. And
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I think we really need that. We're really missing that
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: kind of connection. Like maybe we're not getting dressed up
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: and going out, you know, to so and going to dinner.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: We're just going over to your house and we're all
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: wearing pajamas and we're hanging out. I think the easy normal,
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: you know, we don't have to film this kind of
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: community is what people are really really missing.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: Gen Z.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: I hope you're listening to this if you are a
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: member of gen Z and beyond. I don't even know
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: what's beyond gen Z.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: Danafa and Bravo. Bravo just started.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Oh bravo. If you identify as any of these generations,
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I encourage you to say, let's put the phones down.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: And I actually believe that that is something that isn't
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: often spoken about when it comes to individuals that are
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: in pursuit of community. Yes, right, it's if we go
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: back to that example of running. If you're going to
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: go to a new run club and this is you
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: putting yourself out there, congrats, that's so exciting that you
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: are now in this place where you have both recognized
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I am seeking community, this is a like minded interest.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I'm going to show up and do that. That is
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: step one. But step two, beyond arriving at said destination,
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: is being at the destination, being where your feet are,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: being present with those around you, because you cannot form
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: relationships if you are one foot in and one foot out.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: You cannot build a house without a foundation. And in
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: order to lay that foundation, you need to be present.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, and it's not easy to have community. You have
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: to be you have to show up. It's not always
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: going to be parties and events, and sometimes it's going
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: to be divorce and breakups and you know, heartbreaking things
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: that are that are happening, and being in community means
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: that we show up for all of it, the ugly
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: the great. I think you really need to be the
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: person that you're hoping to find.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: Amen.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: You can do good times with everyone, but you can't
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: do bad times with everyone. And if you're seeking long
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: lasting relationships and solid community, then you need to pay
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: attention to what it is that you are indulging in doing.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Living in together, breathing in together.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, absolutely, and be honest with yourself. You might know
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: that there's some people in your life that are not
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: your people. They're not your people, and everybody doesn't have
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: to be your closest friend. You know. This can just
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: be like your party friend, or this could just be
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: or we go out for drink's friend. They don't have
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: to turn into your close connection. I'm going to be
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: vulnerable with you and expect you to show up for
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: a person like I'm not saying compartmentalize people, but be
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: honest with yourself about who people are to you.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: It will save us a lot of heartbreak.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, because you can't put someone into a box
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: that they don't want to be in necessarily, and when
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: you do. It does result in that heartbreak difficulty and
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: that unsettling like center of your chest feeling when you're
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: seeking something from someone who doesn't want to be sought.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it's so true.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: This is especially true with dating too, Like we want
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: people to be someone that they don't want to be.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: And I think this is something that we do long term.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: We do this with our parents. We do oh my god,
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: we do it with our kids. If you have kids,
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: we do it with everyone. The most honest thing that
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: we can do is accept people and like say to ourselves,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: this is obviously who they are. Obviously you know, sometimes
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: there's going to be compromised, it's going to be boundaries,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: but people will really let you know if they are
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: interested in what you are interested in. If they're not interested,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: then you know it's time for you to like vote
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: with your feet.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Vote with your feet. Ooh, we're laying down the truths
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: here today. Speaking of truths, I want to get honest
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: about values. Core values. Articulating what your value alues are
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: when you are feeling as though you want a fresh
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: start can be a really helpful way to set yourself
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: in the right direction. For so many individuals. They come
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: to me when I say the word values, and they're like,
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: how do I know what my values are?
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: This is a hard one, right, because I think most
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: of our values are given to us, and then we
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: have to discern whether that's actually true with who we
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: are as we grow. I think that and this is
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: a hot take, I think, but anger is such a
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: good teacher for what our values are. And what I
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: mean by that is when you're in relationship, like if
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: you're waiting for a friend and they're forty five minutes
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: late and your blood is boiling. I've had people who
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: are like, I don't care if people are late, It's
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: no big deal to me. And then I've had other
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: people who are like, this is the rudest thing that
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I've ever experienced.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: So this is a.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Example, an example that isn't necessarily the best in terms
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: of values. But one of your values might be respect
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: my time. Like if you don't respect my time and
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: you don't respect the attention that we put toward each
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: other and you're late every time, that you might not
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: be the person for me. One of your values might
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: be you know, respect, And so if you meet someone
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: or if you're a relationship with someone who's showing you
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: that they're not going to be willing to do that.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: That's a value. That's something that's a and it's also
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: a boundary. So when I say anger is a teacher,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I want you to pay attention to the relationships you
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: already have, the community you already have, or you might
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: be noticing, okay, this is something that isn't working for me.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's easier. We're always able to really be
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: clear on what isn't working for us faster. I like
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: to start there. Let's just do that first. Once you
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: get clear on what isn't going to be okay, then
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about what makes your heart
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: really saying so like for me, having friends who are
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: like come over less swap products, that is such a
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: value for me. It feels like intentional connection is very
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: intentional and it's heart warming and it's easy. I also
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: think getting really curious about ways that you have pretended
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: performed said yes when you really didn't want to it
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: is another way for you to Again, this is like
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: the no list, But most of us are doing things
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: that we don't want to do. And so when I
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: hear somebody say I don't know what my values are.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: It's it makes me feel like there are things in
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: your life that you're doing that aren't aligned. Because if
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I asked you, like, what are your values? Or maybe
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: if you ask me what are my values? I think
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I'd be able to name a few. But then in
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: certain areas of my life, if you said, what do
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: you value? Like I remember there was a time in
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: my career where people would say, what is your goal
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: long term? And I'd be like, I don't know. I'm
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: really just trying to make it through this year. So
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: get really clear about what those areas are. Separate. So
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: I'm going to just give you steps because I kind
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: of rambled just now. First step, separate personal and career.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: If you don't have a career, and maybe you're stay
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: at home mom or you're in school, use that for
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: your personal self, for your personal side. Three goals or
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: three areas, three values, three things that matter to you.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Don't do more than three because more than three is
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: overwhelming and we will never look at this list again,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: nor will we remember it. So three things personally, your
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: personal friendships, your personal time, your personal values, your dating,
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: you're romantic. Three things that matter to you just the
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: first three that come to mind for your career. If
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: you have one three things that really light you up,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: even if you have to continue to work, if you
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: feel like you have a crap job, even if you
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: have to continue to work the crap job that you're at,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: how can you turn it into When I come here,
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: this is the way that I find my light, those
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: three things, and that's where we have to put our energy.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: And that's what's going to help us be able to
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: completely be clear on what our nose are. And this
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: is a really small way to start, and I think
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: the small ways are the most powerful. We're not going
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: to and this is again going back to this new year,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: New me kind of vibe. We're not going to transform
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: in one day.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Some people do. Usually it's like a life or death experience.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: We don't want that.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Let's just be a lot more easeful with this and
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: start small and watch how it begins to ripple into
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: something massive.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love
• 33:21
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• 33:38
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• 34:44
  Speaker 2: sample pack today. I love the sentiment of articulating your nose,
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: articulating your hard stops, because oftentimes it can feel hard
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: to dial in on those three things. Right. We're saying,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: let's make a reasonable list of our core values, right,
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: and you start writing and you're like, wait, but I
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: care about all of these things, right, So coming to
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: a place where you can be like, well that's out,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: that's out, that's out, It's like, okay, if that's easier
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: for you, start there and then transition into this place
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: where we are really getting intentional about what we're putting
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: on our yes list.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, and I think if you know what your nose are,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: that's one of the most that's the hardest part. A
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: lot of us are just out here floating, you know,
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: not really understanding what our nose are because our family,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: our friends, society has kind of dictated you're a woman,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: this is what you should do. You're a mom, this
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: is what you should do. You're my partner, this is
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: what you should do. And I have conversations with people,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: and I'm sure you've had them where you're like, you're
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: catching up with someone maybe you don't speak to a lot,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, you know, but that's just you
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: know the way tim is, and that's how it is.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: And they do this uncomfortable laugh where it's like we
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: both know you don't you don't you're laughing and this
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: isn't funny to you, that to know, but we don't
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying it, and so we're uncomfortably sharing it
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: with you.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: And now you walk away with their slime.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: And you know, but that's what we do in relationship.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: We don't know how to be honest, so we just
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: kind of laugh it off. Those are the moments that
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: you know that this isn't really for me, and you've
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: got to have those uncomfortable conversations with yourself and with others.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: A lot of people are waiting to meet you. I
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: know we often talk about get that personality of your life.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: They don't really care about you, they don't meet your boundary.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: That's true for some people, but I have found that
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: most people would be interested in meeting you if they
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: knew how to meet you. But that is your work
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: to share how to meet you.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: That is your work to do. Now, why is it
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: important that someone has an understanding or perhaps begins to
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: articulate their values before they lay the groundwork for some
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: goal setting, Right, what is it about being able to
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: say I have a value rooted in community or I
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: have a value rooted in family, to then be able
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: to write down an important actionable goal.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: This is so good. So I'll give myself as an example.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: My word for the year is abundance.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: I knew that I wrote it down. I wrote it down.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, So if that's the through line of what I
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: want my experiences to be, the first thing that I
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: need to do is first define what abundance is for me.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: What does that look like? What does that feel like?
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: So I live in an area that's like by the water,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: and I can walk by the water pretty much within
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, and that to me is abundance. If I
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: get twenty five minutes to walk past the water and
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: see it and walk back to my house, that's abundance
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: to me because I own my time. And that's something
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: that I mean, I don't think that I think is priceless.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: It has a price, but it feels priceless to me.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: And so if I get asked to do something that
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: interferes with that, and that also doesn't align with abundance
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: and health money resources connection, then it might be a no.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: And I think, I know that might sound like that's
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: a lot of steps. No, it was like really quick
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: kind of flow chart.
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: Abundance. Is it leading towards what makes me feel good? Yes?
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: How does it? Because it's an abundance in health? Okay,
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: great abundance. I don't really want to do this. It
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to me.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: It's a no.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: When we get clear about that initial energy we want
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: to bring in, then you can set the framework for
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: what you want.
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: Those goals to be.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: So all of my three personal my three career are
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: fueled by the word abundance. If you ask me what
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: my three personal goals for the year are and my
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: three career goals, I honestly cannot tell you right now.
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: It's in my bag.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: But if you ask me the energy, I remember that
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: one word, that abundance, And so when I'm getting asked
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: those questions, I know to keep that with me.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: You know what's so funny is that yesterday I was
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: talking about out what some of my goals were for
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: the year are for the year, and my life coach
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: that I sat down with she said to me, perhaps
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: we get a little bit more broad, And I said,
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: but if it's more broad. How am I going to
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: accomplish my goals? And she said, it's not that you're
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: not going to accomplish those specific goals, but if you
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: make it more broad, then you may surprise yourself on
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: what happens next. And that really resonated with me, right
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: because I believe that there is both a time and
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: a place to set a smart goal specific, measurable, attainable, relevant,
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: time bound, but then also be able to say, but
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: I am open to whatever the universe has in store
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: for me.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: We have to human, we have to adult, we need
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: to pay our bills, we need to do all these things.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Like those smart goals are important sometimes, but in the
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: way that I teach and I usually work with people
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: who are like the smart goal types, I'm like, we're
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: going to throw our smart goals out today, and it's hard.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Like I used to be in a government and legal
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: and a project manager, Honey, I like lived my life
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: by smart goals. But when you free yourself and you
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to think, Okay, what if I just trusted
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: and again, I run a business, right, So I'm still
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: making business decisions, I'm still being strategic, I'm still budgeting
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: I'm still planning. I'm not saying like, let's just throw
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: it to the wind and see what happens. No, But
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: it's bringing that energy with you and trusting that you
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: will know if this is the right decision based on
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: what you said, you want to be available in your
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: life as you're living it this year, and there's going
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: to be hard times. I come up and there are
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: going to be moments where I'm like, this isn't feeling
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: really abundant right now, and I'm going to decide how
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: I can do the next best thing that will bring
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: some of that energy into my life and also focus
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: on the areas that are very abundant. But I think
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: that it frees us the specific and to your point,
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: last year, my goals were really specific, very specific. It
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: was a lot of fun to be very intentional and
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: do those specific things. I was like, I'm going to
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: go surfing, even though I don't know how to swim
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: in the ocean. That was a very specific goal. So
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I think it can be very powerful to set those too.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: And also I think we have to free ourselves a
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: little bit to allow the magic.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: It's a yes and yes, and it's a yes both
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: right and I love that you had a specific goal
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: about surfing in the ocean, right, because sometimes when we
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: integrate things like that into our bigger picture goal setting,
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: you're reminded that not every goal needs to be so
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: dang serious.
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: Right, It's so freaking true.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: It's so true because yes, like I certainly have goals
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: in different categories that I like to dig into, whether
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: it be work, career, mindfulness, financial, personal, right, relationships, I
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: have goals in all of those categories. But for me,
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: a huge goal overall is to seek new experiences this year.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: And so then I ask myself, Okay, if you are
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: creving new experiences, what does that look like in practice? Okay, cool?
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: What that looks like in practice? For me this year
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: is trying one new experience every single week. So on
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: Sunday morning, when I am I have this page in
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: a journal that I like to use, and yes, I'll
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: link it in the show notes. But I have a
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: page where I plan out my activities for the week,
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: and most of those are rooted in like my personal
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: health and well being. So I'll write out what days
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: I'm string training, what days I'm doing yoga. What does
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: this look like? By the way, you're killing it. Oh,
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: you're so sweet to me. But I know that this
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: has worked for me in my health and wellness routine.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: So let's go back to my emotional health. My emotional
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: health hinges on bringing myself these new experiences.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm like, okay, on Wednesday this evening, actually
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: I'm going to a pottery studio for the first time.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: I love it. You're gonna love it.
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: I'm so excited. I didn't when I was younger, but
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: not like as a grown woman living in Brooklyn. So
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna take myself over to green Point and go
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: with a girlfriend. And also that was me in addition
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: boundary setting because when my girlfriend said, why don't we
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: go to a workout on Wednesday night? I said, Emily
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five needs to socialize in a way
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: that's not always me burning calories. I mean, I'm sure
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: there's calorie burn in some sort of like pottery real
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: moment for me, but I'm just saying that, like, I
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: need to find activities that are me fueling myself, giving
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: to myself in a way that I'm not just everyone's
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: fitness friend.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: So my first pottery class was last year. I'm so
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: special about it is you can't be on your phone
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: and you have to wear crap clothes because you don't
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: want to get the stuff on your clothes.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a good tip because I was not
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: thinking about that. So I will not show up to pottery.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: In my line, you really don't want to bring your jewelry, okay,
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: because you don't want to get so it's like it
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: makes you take all the arm off and just come
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: have a good time.
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: I love that. I'm ready to have a good time.
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: I mentioned going with their girlfriend tonight, which brings me
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: back to this idea of bringing in your community, finding
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: community in the pursuit of your goals, knowing that not
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: only can community help you stay accountable to the things
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: that excite you, but they can also support you knowing
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: that some of these things might be you stepping out
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: a little bit from your comfort zone. Now, when we're
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: talking about a fresh start, oftentimes that requires that we
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: do an inventory of our circle. Another really challenging thing
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: because oftentimes you are confronted with some hard truths. For
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: those that are looking to do an inventory of their
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: circle when they're thinking about this fresh start, what should
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: they know?
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: The first thing that I want to say is let
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: the people that you're holding on too, who have been
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: trying to walk away, walk away.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: I think that's the easiest first step.
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: I just gave like a sorority snap over here. I
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: was like, let them.
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Go, let them we've been holding and if we just released,
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: that's the first easy. Ones that are going to walk away, like,
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: they will not call you back, they're not going to
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: text you back. Okay, We're going to move on. The
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: next thing is look at the people who have been
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: trying to hang out with you and for whatever reason.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: You know how when you're in middle school and there's
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: like the people that want to hang out with you,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: but for some reason, you keep trying to be around
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: the people who are quote unquote cool or whatever, like
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: you're trying to make it work with someone else when
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: there's like a much easier person to hang out with.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: I want you to look at your circle and your
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: life and say, who are the people that I could
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: really be having a good time with and hanging out
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: with that for some reason I'm not paying attention to
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: because I'm trying to make it work with these other
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: folks over here who are rescheduling or not shown, you know,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: not coming through. I think the last thing is look
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: at the folks who you had a great time with
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: last year or in the last few months, and really
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, how can I be with them more?
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: Often say it.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: There's a few friends of mine we've actually said, can
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: we spend more time together this year? Platonic romance is
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: such an important part of relationships, and I don't think
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: that we put enough attention on it. And we want
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: to hear that people want to spend time with us.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: I know, I'm sure you want to hear it like
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: it was great being with you. I'm sure your friend
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: who you're going to pottery with is probably excited and
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have normally chose it were we think sometimes you know,
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: will they want to do this or will they see
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: me like this? And often people are like that sounds amazing.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have chosen that. Yes, I'm supporting you, and
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: also this is fun for me too, So you'll be
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: surprised by what choosing yourself will open up you and
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: your relationships and the people who care about you to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: do with you, be with you, and show up for you.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: The biggest word in that for me and the biggest
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: word that I have focused on over the last three
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: sixty five is ease. Easy. When you spend time with
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: someone and it feels easy, that is a relationship that's
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: in alignment. And there are going to be times in
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: life where relationships feel easy and they feel difficult. I'm
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: not saying that you must walk away from the difficult
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: feeling relationships. What I am saying is have the awareness
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: to recognize when something feels like you're trying to put
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: a round peg into a square hole. You have to
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: respect the relationship enough and yourself enough to know when
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: to walk away. And that's not easy.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: Or sometimes it's very easy.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well true exactly.
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, oh God, thank you, I'm so glad
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: this is done because it's so uncomfortable. But most times
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: it's not easy, and I really feel like that's another thing,
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Like I know I mentioned earlier, If you don't remember
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: anything else, lean into your community.
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: This would be the second big thing.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: If you don't remember any of the other things, let
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: people either draining you. You wake up in the morning
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: or you go to bed at night and you're like,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: I just feel like I literally ran a marathon and
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I've done nothing today, it's the people in your life.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: Often it's the people in your life. We can't control work.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: There's going to be coworkers, our boss, all of that stuff.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: There's going to be things that we but you can
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: control your personal relationships or even your family that maybe
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: you don't need to be having as close of a
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: relationship with because it's not healthy for you and it's
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: not healthy for them.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: If you want to have the energy, the excitement, the joy,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: the creativity to be able to create all the things
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: that you want to do this year, you're going to
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: have to let go of the stuff that is completely
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: wiping you out and that isn't good for you, and
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: that's going to require you to really choose yourself.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: It's like when you may unknowingly have mold in your apartment.
• 48:39
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, you.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: Don't know that there's mold there, But every day at
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: the end of the day you're like, why do I
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: feel more tired today at six thirty pm than I should?
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: M h And one day someone walks in and they say,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: something feels often here and then you find out that
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: this was there the whole time. Yeah, this is something
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: truly that I can really relate to over the past year.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, there was so much personal work that I
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: was doing emotionally that went with a lot of the
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: changes that I was making within my personal wellness routine.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: And I believe that that emotional work and what it
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: freed up for me is truly the most priceless aspect
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: of this journey that I've been on over the last
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: three sixty five.
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also think that, like to your point,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: a lot of us think that we don't have community
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: and we don't have anyone that wants to show up
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: with us for us and be there with us. But
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: actually it's just that we are looking for those particular
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: people to be something that they're not. That goes back
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: to that same thing. And so when we release them
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: and we stop trying to shift or change the relationship
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: or make it something that it's not, we're honest with ourselves,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: then we can really have that connection with the people
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: that we want to be with, or we have the
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: space to meet The new people who you have around
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: you is so important. And I know everyone hears everyone
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: say that, and they say, oh, it's you know, it's
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: very cliche.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: It's everything.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to achieve things, you need to have
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: people around you who love you, see you, respect you.
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to change transform, if you want to
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: date new people, like even people friends of mine who
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: are dating, it's like, you know, I can't find any
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: good guys. I keep getting hooked up with all these
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: you know, wild guys.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: Well, who who are your friends? Why are they sending
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: you on these wild dates?
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Obviously we can't know everyone, but like, it's really being
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: intentional about the energy that you have around you, and
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: they may it's not that your friend is bad, it's
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: just they may have something that's a yes for them,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: that's a no for you. Stop expecting people to bring
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: you the fruit that's for your tree when they're a
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: completely different tree. Like they're avocado, you're apple. It's not
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: gonna happen.
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: It ain't gonna happen. I'm a live tree. It's not
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Yeah, that's super relatable.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: And we are a sum of the people that we
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: keep around us, whether or not that we are willing
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: to admit that right, and when there are people that
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: are in your life that are perhaps cuing you to
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: go right when you are on a path to go left,
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: then you need to ask yourself, why am I still
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: willing to listen to them if we are going in
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: separate directions.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, this goes back to the honesty and the maybe
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: being honest about the ways you people please perform do
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: things because you're afraid to lose a relationship. And I
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: think this is the last thing you know that I'll
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: mention on the like friendship thing. But if you find
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: yourself performing to be in a relationship because you're afraid
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: that you're going to lose a relationship, that is not
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: a healthy attribute of being in community. People should be
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: willing to see you and love you for who you are.
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: The first thing, though, is check in with yourself and
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: ask yourself if you're doing this and no one's asking
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: you to do this. It might be learned behavior from
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: your family from growing up, where performing was what you
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: had to do to be safe and to be seen.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: So it might just be a you thing. But if
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: it's not just a thing and people are expecting this
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: version of you, it's kind of like when everyone knows
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: that you're not drinking anymore, but they keep pressuring you
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: to have a drink, because that's what they need for
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: you to for them to feel comfortable. It's not a match.
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: And so just be honest with yourself in those moments,
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: because those are easy ones to walk not easy in
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: terms of letting go, but easy ones to realize and
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: walk away from.
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: You mentioned the word like scary or intimidating, right, and
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: change can be really scary and really intimidating. What we
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: know is that oftentimes change happens not when we're ready,
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: but more so when we are willing to take the
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: first step. For me personally, change has really really settled
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: with me when staying where I was was harder than
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: making the change where it got so quote unquote bad
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: that I had a moment looking in the mirror and
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: I said, I can't live this way anymore. Knowing that
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: change can still be really intimidating, how do we get
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: over that intimidation factor.
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: I actually don't think we get over it. I think
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: we have to lean into it. Discomfort is a teacher.
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: When we see how uncomfortable we are then and we
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: feel into it, that's where we learn, Okay, this is who,
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: this is why they're making me uncomfortable, this is what
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: they said that makes me uncomfortable. This is what they
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: do when I'm around, like offering me the drinks if
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want, you know whatever. This is when I
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: learn what's a boundary for me, what's a no for me?
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: What I need from my friends? And I think the
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: only thing that we can do in terms of maybe
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: not getting over the intimidation or the fear or I
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: think these are normal emotions we're supposed to have. We're
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: supposed to like like, if there's a bear, it's like, whoa,
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: it's a freaking bear.
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: WHOA.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: We're supposed to feel that. But I do think that
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: we're supposed to also at some point decide to run
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: or decide to move, or decide to make a decision.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: And so how can I feel afraid, scared, worried, you know,
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: even the little thing which is really a big thing
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: where we're like what are they going to tell everybody else?
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: What are other people are going to think about me
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: when I choose myself? What are people going to sit
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: there and say, Oh, she changed, she's not the same
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: person she used to be. Oh she got she thinks
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: she's you know whatever. That alone is the reason a
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: lot of people don't shift or change, and so those
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: are all us things. Though we can't control what other
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: people are going to think about us, we have to
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: be willing to allow them to kind of run their
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: mouths and choose ourselves anyway. So I know that sounds
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: like not the best answer, but I do think it's
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: the truth I have not ever seen, because in my
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: experience in teaching, when we get rid of intimidation, we're
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: performing because you're still scared, but you're just performing. It's like,
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: and you've been on stage, you know how you no
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: matter how many times you get on stage, before you
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: get on stage, you're like, whow, I hope this goes well.
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: I hope this is okay. I hope I remember what
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: I hope you know. I hope I'm grounded.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: We've done it hundreds of times and you still feel it.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: I think that's a part of the experience, and.
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: As a part of the experience, and then you owe
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: it to yourself to find the tools that help you
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: show up despite the fact that you're intimidated. For me, personally,
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: I really rely and lean heavily into I AM statements,
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: and I've spoken about these on the show before, but
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: writing down a simple list which might take me literally
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: thirty seconds to a minute, on things I know to
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: be true despite the stories that might be spinning in
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: my brain. Right So perhaps in that I'm about to
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: get on stage, example, it is I am confident, I
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: am sure of myself, I know what I'm talking about,
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: just listing out things that I know to be true,
• 55:51
  Speaker 2: so that the anxieties that I'm feeling, that narration that
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: might be playing in my mind, I can quiet that
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: a bit to know that I've.
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: Got it's so true. And actually, affirmations have changed my life.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: I have affirmations on the voice note section of my phone,
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: so I record them, so I have them labeled imposter syndrome,
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: fear you don't belong like you know, whatever the thought
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: might be. And then when I get afraid, I play them.
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: They do help me to remember that I belong, my power,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: all of those amazing things. And I do play them
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: before I go on stage or before I have tough conversations.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: But I don't know.
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: I just want people to know that, like, if you're
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: still feeling the feelings, that that's okay too, and that
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: even though affirmations are beautiful, and they help me come
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: back to myself. They don't erase the knee jerk reaction
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: of the emotion. Oh, I'm about to have a scary
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: conversation and I don't know what's going to happen. I
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: will say that in my life now and maybe feel
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: this way too. Most of the conversations I'm afraid to
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: have are not as bad. The story is way bigger
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: and the person is way more willing to see, and
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: it's easier. But that's after the rooting out. Yeah, of
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: all of the relationships that weren't working.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: Can you give us an example or a quote unquote
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: live read of what the affirmations would be for I'm
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: about to go in and have a really scary conversation.
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love this. So I would have
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: statements like, no matter the outcome, I'm still worthy. On
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: the other side of this, I will still have community.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: I belong despite what they think about me. No matter
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: what they say about me, I can still choose myself like.
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: Those are the kinds of things that I would write
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: out or I would have in the voice note section.
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: And the reason why I think voice is so powerful
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: is because when you hear yourself saying it. I believe
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: it reprograms our nervous system. Sometimes when I have a
• 57:50
  Speaker 1: thought that's like, oh, I don't know what's going to happen,
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: and I hear myself say it, I'll hear myself in
• 57:57
  Speaker 1: my head say it because I've heard myself say it.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: Affirmation.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: If we've never heard ourselves or other people around us
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: say those loving things, you might need to hear it,
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: not just say it, but here it's said to you
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: by you.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: One of the few gifts of being a podcaster is
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: that my voice is readily available to me in a
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: frightening way all of the time, right, So I can
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: certainly relate to that the power of knowing that there
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: is something within you. You have the opportunity to help
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: yourself along the way, and we owe it to ourselves
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: to grab hold of that help whenever we can, Yes,
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: whenever we can. Okay, we're getting over the intimidation factor.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: We're really at a place now where we are making
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: positive changes for ourselves. We're quote unquote starting fresh. We
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: know that on the journey to change, it is so
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: so important to celebrate yourself along the way. Why is that?
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: Why is it important to wreckgnize those small wins, especially
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: when you're staring up at quite a large summit ahead
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: of you.
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, because it's the thing that keeps us going.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: When we talked about the marathon earlier, the first time
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: you do that mile, you might be thinking that's nothing.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: You know, I still have, you know, twenty five more
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: to learn how to do, but actually that there's so
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: many people that can't run a mile or walk a mile.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: I remember when I couldn't run a mile I joined
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: the military. Running a mile and a half was like
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: I couldn't believe that that was something people were doing
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: on a regular basis. And so I personally know the
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: experience of how amazing it is to achieve something that
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: you didn't think your body could do. And whether it's
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: marathoning or having a hard conversation with people, or sending
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: the email for the job, or asking for the raise
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: or the promotion, no matter what it is, or saying
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: I like you would you like to go out all
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: of those vulnerable moments. I think celebrating I sent it.
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know what they're going to say, but I'm
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: just going to celebrate that I was brave enough to
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: send it because the hardest thing that we're afraid of
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: is disappointment rejection. What if they don't feel the same
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: way as me, What if they say no? What if
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: I do forget what I was going to say and
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: everybody's looking at me, and I know it fails, but
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: it's so brave to get up and do it again.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: And I think this is why when we're on social
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: media and we see people making negative comments about people,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: I think that is and it can get to you.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: But I think one of the reasons that it hasn't
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: gotten to me too much is I think about what
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: you have to have going on in your life to
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: say negative things about someone you've never met, and that
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: that's how you're spending your time.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: And so.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: The shift for that is, look at how brave I
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: was to put this out there, and if I celebrate that,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: it empowers me to keep going despite what people think.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: And you probably know this. There was a time, I'm
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: sure when just your ten closest people were the only
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: people listening to this podcast. Yeah, there was a time
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: where only my five friends were liking my posts, right,
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: And so I was celebrating that that felt huge to me, like,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I got one hundred.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: Likes as major that is.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: You know, those are the most special moments, and I
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: think it helps us to be able to have capacity
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: for the bigger ones when they come.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: You have to be your own biggest hype man or
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: a woman. Yeah whoever. First you mentioned your time in
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: the military, and at the top of this we mentioned
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: your newest gig with start today. You are no stranger
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: to frush starts. What has the willingness to start again
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: provided for you?
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: I am not afraid to quit.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: I am not afraid to walk away from something because
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: I think I have enough muscle memory now that I
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: can do it again, and I can start again. I
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: do believe that many of us need to learn how
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: to be better quitters. There's nothing more powerful than deciding
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: this isn't working anymore. I'm going to close that chapter
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: and do something else. And I think that we have
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: such an association to quitting being a failure. It's not
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: a failure. It was just a chapter. It's time to
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: move on, it's time to move forward, it's time to
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: try something different. It's not easy, and I know that
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: there's something in me that makes this something that feels
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: like a challenge that for other people feels like a nightmare.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: If starting again doesn't feel as exciting and invigorating, and
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: let's be honest, like at my age today, starting again
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: does not feel very exciting and vigorating.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm kind.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: Of good where I am and I'd like to just
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: ride this and not have to start again. But if
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: it doesn't feel exciting and invigorating, then don't and find
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: a small micro way to make where you are work
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: better for you. And if you can't do that, how
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: can you take one small step towards something that will
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: work for you? I think sometimes we think, oh, I
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 1: have to you know, I want to refresh. I just
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: want a new energy. A new energy doesn't mean you
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: have to like completely wrecking ball your life. It can
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: just be one small thing that that shifts everything for you.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: We've deemed this on the show before breaking the Matrix.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: What that means is that sometimes that small change is
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: simply taking a different route to the yoga class that
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: you already love. Right, You've found something that you enjoy,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 2: but you're feeling a little bit stagnant, So how can
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: I mix it up today? How can I break the matrix? Right?
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: And so, although we've talked today a lot about how
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: to get a fresh start, how to rejuvenate things, how
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: to feel more comfortable in who it is that you are,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: own your circumstance, identify your values, then move into the
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: goal setting, et cetera. We've identified all of these things,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, it is at
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: the root of what's best for insert your name here, Yeah, right,
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: what's best for Emily today, what's best for Yasmin today?
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: How can we move forward in a way that feels fulfilling,
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: and at the most important part, that feels good. Right.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be an overhaul. It can be
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: if that's what feels good for you. Yeah, But owning it,
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: being willing to fail, that's also just so integral to
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: being able to move forward in a way that is good.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: And I hope that you are excited in this. I
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: posted about this the other day. But you work so
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: hard for what you're doing in your life you sometimes
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: don't even get to enjoy it. I really hope that
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: you make space to enjoy what you work so hard for.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: It's we got into a place where unless you're having
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: a baby, getting married, that's it's like that's it. It's
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: like we don't even like really make a big deal
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: for birthdays, Like can we go all out?
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 2: Yes? I mean I did before, I did this already.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 3: Snap.
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: Now I just the eye roll. Like as a single
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: woman in my mid thirties, I'm like, can I celebrate anything?
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: Am I entitled? Am I entitled?
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: I totally agree.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: I think it's just we really have got to get
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: away from like this. I want to say patriarchal. I
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: don't even know if it's patriarchal, but like the societal
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: idea of these are the only milestones that matter after
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: twenty five, and it's just ridiculous. And I think that
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: that's why community can be so powerful, especially if you're
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: one of the married friends in your group. Girl, you know,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: leave your kids at home, show up for your single
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: friends and do something that they want to do. Like,
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: I think, we really just have to be that for
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: each other otherwise the cycles won't break.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: Girl. We could go into a whole other podcast about this,
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: so I'm about to wrap it. But I'm so so
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: happy that this all aligned and it's so easy yes
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: to sit down together. I'm sure so many women individuals
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: listening to this right now, they follow along with you,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: but if they don't give us the deeds, how do
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: they keep up with you on the socials.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: So you can follow me at Yasmin Cheyenne, and if
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: you're interested in my books, they're available everywhere books are sold,
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: The Sugar Jar and Wisdom of the Path. And then
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: obviously you can find me on the Start Today at
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: Teaching Meditations.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Beautiful, I'm Over, at Emily a Body, and at Hurdle
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: Podcast Another Hurdle Conquered. Catch you guys next time.