Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Bad Luck Trump Ruins Knicks_ Winning Streak _ Spencer Pratt Loses L.A._s Mayor Race _ The Daily Show
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Welcome to the baby show, I'm Debbie Lighting. We've got
- 0:03Speaker 1: so much to talk about tonight.
- 0:05Speaker 2: The L.A.
- 0:05Speaker 1: Mayor's race has a plot twist, Mark Zuckerberg tries to
- 0:08Speaker 1: delete his history, and Trump grabs a nap during Game 3.
- 0:12Speaker 1: When you're a star, they let you do it. So
- 0:15Speaker 1: let's get into the headlines. Last night was game three
- 0:23Speaker 1: of the NBA finals, and I know, I know, the
- 0:27Speaker 1: Knicks' loss was hard on New Yorkers, but let's take
- 0:30Speaker 1: the high road, okay? And acknowledge the MVP who won
- 0:33Speaker 1: it for the Spurs, game three referee Mark Davis. Dude,
- 0:40Speaker 1: what the hell was that? I mean, don't get me wrong,
- 0:43Speaker 1: I think it's great that the NBA let someone watch
- 0:45Speaker 1: their first game ever right from the court, but you
- 0:49Speaker 1: do realize the B in b-ball doesn't stand for blind
- 0:52Speaker 1: ball bitch, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, we're
- 1:01Speaker 1: gonna be nice, okay? In fact, we all chipped in
- 1:04Speaker 1: together to get you a gift card to LensCrafters, you
- 1:06Speaker 1: blind ball bitch. Still, this was the first finals game
- 1:12Speaker 1: in New York in 27 years. So all the celebrities
- 1:21Speaker 1: came out. You had Timothee Chalamet, Derek Jeter, DJ Khaled
- 1:26Speaker 1: looking at his phone, Ben Stiller, Spike Lee, DJ Khaled
- 1:31Speaker 1: still looking at his phone, Jay-Z, Larry David, and DJ
- 1:35Speaker 1: Khaled showing Fat Joe something on his phone. What are
- 1:39Speaker 1: you doing, man? You're courtside at the finals. Unless you
- 1:43Speaker 1: were Googling how to go down on your wife, pay attention.
- 1:52Speaker 1: Also in attendance last night was the only New Yorker
- 1:56Speaker 1: who spends more time in court than the Knicks, President
- 1:58Speaker 1: Donald Jumpshot. Oh, you were there too. Okay. The city
- 2:09Speaker 1: gave him a very New York welcome.
- 2:11Speaker 3: Rise and rise.
- 2:27Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- 2:28Speaker 1: Have some respect for the commander-in-chief. That's president pussy to you.
- 2:36Speaker 1: Do you know what it means to have every single
- 2:39Speaker 1: person in New York booing you? Even a guy taking
- 2:42Speaker 1: a shit on the subway will have one New Yorker
- 2:45Speaker 1: cheering him on. What can I say? I love to
- 2:49Speaker 1: see a man comfortable in his own skin. 10 years later,
- 2:53Speaker 1: we're still married. Thank you. Thank you. But yeah, all
- 3:01Speaker 1: that incessant booing, he must have been devastated.
- 3:04Speaker 2: It was certainly amazing. It was, I think, mostly cheers.
- 3:12Speaker 1: Mostly cheers? I guess the DOJ redacted all the boos
- 3:16Speaker 1: before they hit his ears. But whether you like that
- 3:21Speaker 1: Trump was there or not, he is a lifelong Knicks fan,
- 3:24Speaker 1: so he wasn't going to let some haters stop him
- 3:26Speaker 1: from enjoying every second of the game.
- 3:28Speaker 2: During the game, President Trump appeared to fall asleep. Boo! Boo!
- 3:44Speaker 1: Sir, you can't sleep through the game. You're the president,
- 3:48Speaker 1: not game three referee Mark Davis. Mark, I hate you
- 3:54Speaker 1: so much. I hope every time you microwave something, it's
- 3:58Speaker 1: just a little bit cold in the middle. But let's
- 4:02Speaker 1: move on from New York to the only other city
- 4:05Speaker 1: in the world, Los Angeles. Because Trump was also having
- 4:09Speaker 1: a bad night there.
- 4:10Speaker 3: A major shakeup in the race to be mayor of
- 4:12Speaker 3: Los Angeles. Reality TV star Spencer Pratt, the Republican who
- 4:15Speaker 3: was endorsed by President Trump, was running second for a
- 4:18Speaker 3: very long time, but he fell to third place as
- 4:21Speaker 3: the rest of the primary votes started coming in.
- 4:23Speaker 1: President Trump now raising unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud, posting
- 4:27Speaker 1: on Truth Social, not possible for Spencer Pratt to have
- 4:30Speaker 1: lost the L.A.
- 4:31Speaker 2: Runoffs after the big lead he had, rigged elections.
- 4:34Speaker 1: They're cheating on the election. There's, what, do you have
- 4:36Speaker 1: evidence to support that? All I have to do is look.
- 4:39Speaker 2: All I have to do is look.
- 4:41Speaker 1: All you have to do is look, people. It's right
- 4:43Speaker 1: there in front of you. I know it sounds easy,
- 4:45Speaker 1: but for Donald Trump, it's getting harder and harder these days.
- 4:48Speaker 4: Be fair.
- 4:56Speaker 1: Now, just out of idle curiosity, do Republicans have any
- 5:00Speaker 1: actual evidence for this rigging?
- 5:02Speaker 2: What evidence is there to prove that there was this rigged?
- 5:05Speaker 2: Some of these efforts are so diabolical and so far
- 5:07Speaker 2: upstream it is impossible to prove.
- 5:09Speaker 1: Diabolical. The fact that there is no evidence is the evidence. See, see,
- 5:22Speaker 1: voter fraud isn't about what you can prove up here.
- 5:26Speaker 1: It's about what you feel in here and what you
- 5:30Speaker 1: can pull out of here. Look, it may have taken
- 5:41Speaker 1: some time to get where they are, but that doesn't
- 5:43Speaker 1: mean it's rigged. Also, I'm sure they're going to finish
- 5:46Speaker 1: the vote counting any minute now. California has a lot
- 5:49Speaker 1: of rules that make this very, very slow.
- 5:52Speaker 2: They have a complicated system where if somebody does a
- 5:55Speaker 2: mail-in vote that is mailed before actual election day, it
- 5:59Speaker 2: can be counted over the next seven days.
- 6:01Speaker 4: Nearly a week after election day, the state's most populated
- 6:04Speaker 4: county says it still has about 355,000 mail-in ballots to process.
- 6:10Speaker 1: Holy shit, you have that many ballots left to count?
- 6:14Speaker 1: Why is it taking so long, California? Are you counting
- 6:17Speaker 1: the ballots? Are you having tantric sex with them? Look, California,
- 6:21Speaker 1: I know you want to make sure everyone gets a
- 6:23Speaker 1: chance to vote, but the longer you take with the ballots,
- 6:25Speaker 1: the more you open up the door to mistrust in
- 6:27Speaker 1: the process. That being said, Republicans, you guys can't just
- 6:31Speaker 1: go around screaming something is rigged every time you lose.
- 6:35Speaker 1: It's embarrassing. Take the L with dignity and pride and honor,
- 6:40Speaker 1: which is something that Game 3 referee Mark David knows
- 6:43Speaker 1: nothing about. We know you rigged that shit!
- 6:49Speaker 2: Diabolical.
- 6:51Speaker 1: Diabolical. For more on the mayor's race in Los Angeles,
- 6:55Speaker 1: we turn to our very own Troy Iwata. Troy, can
- 7:05Speaker 1: you give us some insight into why this count is
- 7:07Speaker 1: taking so long?
- 7:08Speaker 2: Whoa, Desi, slow down. Okay, I just woke up. You're
- 7:14Speaker 2: talking so fast.
- 7:15Speaker 1: Okay, well, wake up. You're at work. Get it together.
- 7:18Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, sorry. All right, what's up?
- 7:24Speaker 1: What's up is we need to know why this ballot
- 7:26Speaker 1: count is taking so long. It's raising suspicions about voter fraud.
- 7:30Speaker 2: Desi, relax. There's no fraud, no corruption.
- 7:33Speaker 4: L.A.
- 7:33Speaker 2: Just, they just do things differently. It's more laid back. Well,
- 7:37Speaker 2: get it done, dude. Okay?
- 7:42Speaker 1: We need some details into why the count has dragged on.
- 7:45Speaker 2: Oh my God, you're being so loud. Okay. Look, in LA,
- 7:50Speaker 2: we get mostly mail-in votes, okay? Like this one. Let's see.
- 7:58Speaker 1: Troy, that's a headshot.
- 8:00Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
- 8:00Speaker 4: In LA, people send a headshot with every piece of mail.
- 8:04Speaker 4: But there's a lot of information to confirm. For example,
- 8:07Speaker 4: can this person really do a Bulgarian accent?
- 8:10Speaker 2: You know?
- 8:11Speaker 4: Until we can verify that, this vote cannot be counted.
- 8:16Speaker 1: Oh, look, look.
- 8:16Speaker 2: She was a co-star on Nurse Jackie. Meryl Streep over here.
- 8:21Speaker 1: Troy, none of that has to do with voting eligibility.
- 8:24Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
- 8:25Speaker 4: But age verification does. You have to be 18 to vote.
- 8:28Speaker 4: But this lady claims she's 26 but can play 16
- 8:32Speaker 4: to 22.
- 8:33Speaker 2: So, technically, that's valid. But if you ask me, that's
- 8:37Speaker 2: what's really fraudulent.
- 8:39Speaker 1: No, I hear you. I mean, not everyone can play 16.
- 8:42Speaker 1: I mean, not everyone can. Some can, some can, but
- 8:47Speaker 1: not everyone.
- 8:48Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah. Right?
- 8:51Speaker 2: Some people can, right?
- 8:54Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
- 9:12Speaker 2: OK.
- 9:12Speaker 1: But after they verify the voters' age, then they can.
- 9:15Speaker 2: Count the ballots. Oh, not yet.
- 9:17Speaker 1: No.
- 9:17Speaker 4: First, LA requires that they start with an acknowledgment that
- 9:20Speaker 4: this election is taking place on stolen land.
- 9:23Speaker 1: Right. Right. In honor of Native Americans.
- 9:25Speaker 2: No, no. Katy Perry.
- 9:26Speaker 4: Because this polling place, it used to be her home
- 9:31Speaker 4: until a bunch of greedy nuns forced her to sell it.
- 9:34Speaker 2: God, history is so dark.
- 9:36Speaker 1: Troy, this doesn't validate the criticism that election officials don't
- 9:41Speaker 1: have the focus and the professionalism to get through this
- 9:44Speaker 1: process smoothly. Troy? Troy, where'd you go?
- 9:50Speaker 4: Sorry, I had to get an iced coffee. I have
- 9:55Speaker 4: like a three hour drive after this.
- 9:56Speaker 1: Where are you going?
- 9:57Speaker 2: It's like a mile down the street. Okay.
- 10:01Speaker 1: This is what I'm talking about, Troy. How can L.A.
- 10:04Speaker 1: voters trust that their election officials are guaranteeing the process?
- 10:07Speaker 2: Well, L.A. does have very strict I.D. requirements to vote.
- 10:11Speaker 4: Okay? You need to have an I.D. or say you
- 10:14Speaker 4: have an I.D. Or you have to be at least
- 10:17Speaker 4: a six. Isn't that voter suppression? No, no, no, no,
- 10:22Speaker 4: because you can have the face of a four but
- 10:24Speaker 4: the body of an eight, and it, like, averages out.
- 10:28Speaker 2: It's just math. If you're a 12, you can vote twice.
- 10:35Speaker 1: So you're saying I could vote twice? Well, it sounds
- 10:44Speaker 1: like maybe the process is complicated, but those ballot counters
- 10:48Speaker 1: are really working hard.
- 10:49Speaker 2: Oh, definitely. They're working around the clock from, like, 11
- 10:52Speaker 2: to 3. Thanks, Troy.
- 10:55Speaker 1: Keep us updated throughout the process.
- 10:57Speaker 4: Okay, you know, I'd love to, Desi, but I just
- 10:59Speaker 4: realized this is whole milk. It's not soy, so I'm
- 11:02Speaker 4: about to, as they say in L.A., shit myself.
- 11:05Speaker 1: Ew, yuck. Troy Uwata, everyone.