Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / Getting Over Imposter Syndrome
Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
- 0:03Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
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- 1:10Speaker 1: Oh hello, hello.
- 1:16Speaker 1: Brie Sedano, here coming to you on the Cash Confident podcast today to talk about getting over imposter syndrome.
- 1:22Speaker 1: So this is a big topic that comes up inside the Cash Confident community and I work with this with my Limitless Wealth clients and I've been in many masterminds, and I've been in many, many rooms with people making a ton of money and people who are, by all outward standards, incredibly successful, and in all of those rooms from the Cash Confident community to Limitless Wealth to High End Masterminds imposter syndrome is something that comes up in all of those rooms.
- 1:54Speaker 1: It's a pretty common phenomenon that happens, and it mainly happens to women.
- 2:01Speaker 1: So I'm excited to talk about this with you today because I think this is a really pertinent topic, so let's just go ahead and get into it.
- 2:09Speaker 1: So what is imposter syndrome?
- 2:12Speaker 1: So most people who will talk about imposter syndrome will claim that, even though they have expertise in whatever it is that they do, that something about it feels artificial.
- 2:25Speaker 1: They're faking in their own life.
- 2:27Speaker 1: Do you ever see that movie with the lead?
- 2:30Speaker 1: In order to catch me, if you can?
- 2:32Speaker 1: It's like that, where they essentially feel like a fraud in their own life, where they've become experts and they have a lot of value to bring to whatever table that they're at, and so it causes some discomfort, which is part of the process, and I'll talk more about that later in that episode but it also impacts highly the way that we show up, so people are not showing up in the fullness of their expertise, in the fullness of their authority, but they're showing up kind of meek and wobbly and a little all over the place.
- 3:14Speaker 1: Or sometimes the imposter syndrome is so severe that they're not showing up.
- 3:20Speaker 1: Oftentimes, with imposter syndrome, I will see people going back to school for education that is unnecessary and honestly a burden, or going for more and more certifications or just learning more and more like, oh well, if I just know more, then all of a sudden that's going to build my confidence.
- 3:37Speaker 1: So when I'm looking energetically at people, what I see as imposter syndrome is that when we have expertise, let's say that it's a high level.
- 3:47Speaker 1: Let's say, let's just say 1 out of 10 levels, right, so for the sake of this metaphor, so let's just say I have an expertise at a level seven, but I have confidence in my ability at a level two.
- 3:59Speaker 1: That dissonance, that difference, that differential, is going to make me feel real bad, I mean, and that's really what it comes down to.
- 4:08Speaker 1: So I might say, all right, well, let me go back to school, I'm going to go to level eight, because if I just know everything that there is to know, then I will feel good.
- 4:17Speaker 1: But it's really two separate problems.
- 4:19Speaker 1: So, but that's often the thing that I see with imposter syndrome people going back to school and sometimes I'll see people have expertise not showing up.
- 4:29Speaker 1: The financial implications of imposter syndrome are many.
- 4:32Speaker 1: Many of the people that I've worked with will spend a lot of money on courses, personal development, education, degrees, and that's unconscious.
- 4:44Speaker 1: They're not saying, oh, I'm going to try to solve my imposter syndrome with another college degree.
- 4:48Speaker 1: But when I'm working with somebody I'm like, hmm, they already have credentials required to do whatever it is that they were going to do and they're back in school for a second master's degree, or they're back in school for a PhD.
- 5:02Speaker 1: And listen, I'm not talking.
- 5:04Speaker 1: I'm not talking education.
- 5:05Speaker 1: If you want more education, go for it.
- 5:07Speaker 1: But oftentimes that people will pursue more knowledge to try to get out of imposter syndrome and it doesn't work.
- 5:17Speaker 1: So I want to talk about some cultural conditioning that we face.
- 5:23Speaker 1: So again, this is subconscious, this is implicit.
- 5:27Speaker 1: This is the way that just people are, but women are really conditioned to have a critical eye on themselves.
- 5:34Speaker 1: We're conditioned to double check our makeup in the mirror, to double check our hair, to make sure that our outfits are right, to make sure that we're speaking our mind, but not too much.
- 5:47Speaker 1: And there's all this kind of conflicting expectations.
- 5:55Speaker 1: For women, it's like, well, you're supposed to be smart, but not too smart, and you're supposed to make a lot of money, but not more money than your man, and so there's this constant needing to critique oneself, to know how to show up in the world.
- 6:08Speaker 1: Now we get to break that down.
- 6:11Speaker 1: We get to break down that social conditioning, we get and listen, I want you to understand and know that you get to change those rules that you maybe were taught inside your own mind and then you get to operate differently in the world.
- 6:26Speaker 1: You do not need the world to change for this, although the world's changing.
- 6:29Speaker 1: The world's changing, but the more that we change ourselves to operate within the world that we live in, the faster those changes come, because the more we're looking at the invisible rules of how we live and we're like, well, I have some fucking bullshit, I'm not doing that.
- 6:44Speaker 1: So most of us have a critical eye that is really well developed.
- 6:48Speaker 1: Okay, but most of us have I'm going to call it a celebratory eye, like the eye of recognition.
- 6:56Speaker 1: We'll call it the eye of recognition.
- 6:58Speaker 1: Actually, I like that better that eye we got taught to blind.
- 7:03Speaker 1: We blinded that eye because people said don't brag, don't boast, don't show off, don't tell people how amazing you are, turn it down, don't be too loud.
- 7:13Speaker 1: And so where we end up in our childhood is we have this critical eye that we can nitpick ourselves down to the tone we could be like oh, I used the wrong tone of voice in that conversation or whatever.
- 7:31Speaker 1: You can nitpick ourselves with that critical eye.
- 7:41Speaker 1: And when that's out of balance, because we don't have an eye for recognition for ourselves, that's where that imbalance comes up and that's why oftentimes we have all of this expertise at really high levels, we have this education, we bring all this value to the table, but we are unable to recognize our skills, our talents, the value we bring to the table, the weight of our worth, all of it.
- 8:06Speaker 1: And then that dissonance, that imbalance creates this place where we just feel really wonky because our expertise is so high but our confidence and our ability to recognize what we already are is so low, and that's where that imposter syndrome comes up.
- 8:26Speaker 1: So one of the things that I've been doing with my clients is to really just practice the eye of recognition, to just practice that recognition of oneself, so to turn your attention toward yourself.
- 8:41Speaker 1: But instead of looking at yourself through a critical eye, you look at yourself through the eye of recognition, where you look at your skills and your talents and everything that you've achieved and everything that you've become and everything that you are in all of its fullest glory.
- 8:57Speaker 1: Right, because when you start to recognize that, the confidence level goes up to start to match the level of whatever expertise you have and that's really the main thing, and this is a thing that men are more culturally conditioned to do to boast on their achievements, to talk about their accomplishments, and that scene is a great quality in men, where in women it's not necessarily seen as a great quality and that's bullshit, and we get to change that and you get to change that in and of yourself, like within yourself, before you go doing it out in the world.
- 9:36Speaker 1: But learning to recognize and celebrate and acknowledge your own self is what rebalances that.
- 9:48Speaker 1: So we're in the first example I said.
- 9:52Speaker 1: Maybe you have a level seven expertise where maybe you know more than 70% of the average people, but there's a handful of people that maybe know more than you and also that's fine.
- 10:04Speaker 1: Also, you just need to know more than the people you're helping, than you're working with.
- 10:08Speaker 1: You don't need to be I don't know, but that's a thing that sometimes comes up for people too.
- 10:15Speaker 1: I was just recently talking to the most wonderful, sweetest, most generous, loving client and cash confidant and she was talking about how she has value to offer people and she's nervous sometimes that other people might know more than her and contradict what she's going to say.
- 10:36Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, all right, well, that makes sense that she's nervous about that.
- 10:39Speaker 1: It's because she has this expertise to put out there, but she doesn't have the confidence to be able to have that expertise questioned and so she doesn't do it.
- 10:51Speaker 1: And it's so bringing, you know, really starting to develop that eye of recognition.
- 10:57Speaker 1: And you can even go back in time and look at the ways that you blinded your own eye of recognition, the times that you shut it down.
- 11:06Speaker 1: You were winking with just your critical eye open, right and it's.
- 11:10Speaker 1: And you could go back and you may need to feel sad about that for a minute, or you may need to, you know, be angry, be rageful about that for a little while.
- 11:19Speaker 1: You may need to really move some feelings about this, because once you see how imbalanced the way that you look at yourself, as it's, it's kind of hurtful.
- 11:27Speaker 1: I don't know, I had a.
- 11:28Speaker 1: I had a.
- 11:28Speaker 1: I had a time with with really starting to look at myself and recognize these things and I and I had to.
- 11:38Speaker 1: You know, let some things go, let some.
- 11:40Speaker 1: You know, I was angry with some of my teachers and angry with people that I know, people in my family, things like that, and nobody was doing anything maliciously.
- 11:48Speaker 1: They weren't like we're going to damage this kid from them.
- 11:51Speaker 1: They were like, hey, it's not nice manners to brag, it's not nice manners to boast, don't show off, don't be too loud, you know, and it was really cause they couldn't handle their own feelings, their own embarrassment or whatever.
- 12:05Speaker 1: So, um, you know, turning your attention inward, with recognition is one thing that you can do, and this helps with the imposter syndrome because it helps to rebalance your energy.
- 12:17Speaker 1: It helps to rebalance, um, both, you know cause, like, when we really think about expertise, it's not just the knowledge, it's the knowledge and the ability to deliver it cleanly Right, like experts, experts and people with a lot of authority show up in a room and we pay attention, we look, we notice.
- 12:36Speaker 1: I mean we pay attention to these people and so half of that is the the actual content, and half of that is who we're being.
- 12:44Speaker 1: Um, so you know, I would say a five minute a day practice of recognizing yourself.
- 12:52Speaker 1: And I will also tell you, the first few times you do this activity you may cry, and that doesn't you're doing it right.
- 12:58Speaker 1: Just so you know if, if you've never opened up your eye of recognition and turned it on yourself, it's all.
- 13:08Speaker 1: It's a awkward feeling.
- 13:09Speaker 1: It's kind of like it's like when you water a plant that's really thirsty and it just the water just flows right through.
- 13:14Speaker 1: So, anyways, that kind of sometimes can happen.
- 13:16Speaker 1: So if it makes you feel like you're gonna cry, know that you're moving your energy and you're doing it right.
- 13:22Speaker 1: Okay.
- 13:23Speaker 1: The second thing that we can do is then we can turn our eye outward again and we can get out of ourselves and out of our own mind, out of our ego, and get into service right like.
- 13:36Speaker 1: This is a a client again I was talking to in the, the cash-confident community, and she has several coach coaching certificates and she works with.
- 13:44Speaker 1: She works with parents of adopted children on how to work through their kids special needs, how to work through that adoption process, how to be good parents, like all of these things, and that they're their high need situations, high stakes situations, right, and.
- 14:01Speaker 1: And so she was telling me that, since she doesn't feel so confident, she hasn't been offering her services.
- 14:10Speaker 1: And and it just so happened that on that call, inside of the cash-confident community there were there were two people there that had adapted children and they were both like do you know how much I suffered, trying to find resources, trying Trying to figure out how to do this, trying to take the best care of my kids, trying to figure out what they need, and there's no resources, and I had to figure this all out on my own.
- 14:35Speaker 1: Do you have any idea how much trouble, energy, heartache, reassurance that would have saved me or given me?
- 14:42Speaker 1: And they both kind of were like you know all of this and you're keeping it to yourself.
- 14:52Speaker 1: And I was, and really, what the conversation came down to is it's selfish.
- 15:01Speaker 1: It's selfish to withhold your gifts because you don't feel good enough to give them when the world needs whatever it is that you have to offer.
- 15:08Speaker 1: And when we get out of our own Insecurities and we get out of our own stuff, we can get into service and we can be generous.
- 15:21Speaker 1: And and that's really just a shift of perspective.
- 15:25Speaker 1: Because if she's looking at herself and she's like, oh, maybe I'm not good enough to do this, I'm not sure if I'm, if I'm ready, I'm not sure if I'm good enough, but you know I don't feel Confident, that's it.
- 15:37Speaker 1: She's gonna be stuck in her bullshit.
- 15:40Speaker 1: But if we turn that I outwards, like I know how to help these people I've been through this experience, I am qualified to serve, I'm qualified to give, I am qualified To help, right then when we're, when we get out of our, when we again we shift our perspective Back outwards and we get into service, right, so we can start to look Beyond ourselves and like it, who, who needs what I have?
- 16:13Speaker 1: You know that's what do I bring to this table, what do I bring to the team.
- 16:18Speaker 1: You know, like, really, really like, get out of, just kind of like get over yourself and just show up and serve.
- 16:25Speaker 1: That's that's another thing.
- 16:27Speaker 1: Because when you realize that, like, when you realize that being playing small is really selfish, it helps you to kind of just move through that.
- 16:48Speaker 1: So that's another thing.
- 16:49Speaker 1: So what we're doing is we're playing with our perception.
- 16:51Speaker 1: So in the first example, we talked about turning your eye of recognition on yourself and really recognizing your skills and talents to rebalance that energy, and then we're talking about turning your eye outwards, so you're not even looking at yourself and who you need to be.
- 17:04Speaker 1: You're just able to help or you're not able to help, right.
- 17:08Speaker 1: And then, in your language, a thing that I think would be important is to stop claiming it, stop claiming imposter syndrome.
- 17:16Speaker 1: People put this onto their language like it's an identity, like it's a badge of honor.
- 17:23Speaker 1: Do you know how many people I talk to when they talk about my imposter syndrome?
- 17:26Speaker 1: Now, these are people who are not diagnosed, who've not been to the doctor for this, and they're just describing something, but they're claiming a disorder on themselves, and one not even like actually true.
- 17:39Speaker 1: I mean, it's true, the way that they feel is true and their experience is true, but they don't.
- 17:42Speaker 1: They're claiming a medical or a psychological illness, if you will.
- 17:49Speaker 1: I don't know if it's a mental illness exactly, but bear with me, but they're claiming this on their identity.
- 17:58Speaker 1: They say, oh, my imposter syndrome is really bad today.
- 18:01Speaker 1: My imposter syndrome, this, I have imposter syndrome, you know.
- 18:05Speaker 1: And they're just owning it and they're claiming it, and I'm like stop doing that, stop claiming that you can feel a dissonance within yourself, but stop claiming it, stop it.
- 18:17Speaker 1: Stop it right now, because as you claim it, you put it onto your identity and it becomes more and more a part of you and more and more part of your experience.
- 18:26Speaker 1: So what I would suggest doing is shifting your language around this, because a language informs the way that you thought in.
- 18:33Speaker 1: Language informs the way that you feel about things.
- 18:35Speaker 1: So you could you could be a little bit more granular with your experience, where you're saying while I'm feeling a little insecure about this, you could even take it to the sensation when I think about sharing my expertise, I do feel a discomfort, I do feel a tightness in my chest, or I do feel a queasiness in my stomach, or I do feel some tension in my shoulders about that, and that's, that's okay.
- 19:02Speaker 1: But when we say, oh, you know, when we turn that little tension in our body into this disorder that then we put on to our identity, we're hobbling ourselves, we're hobbling their success and we're claiming it, we're owning it, we're putting it onto us.
- 19:14Speaker 1: So that's where I would suggest, as you start, to make a pivot where you where, instead of owning this syndrome, this imposter syndrome, you just start to be like.
- 19:28Speaker 1: Sometimes sharing makes me uncomfortable, Sometimes getting you know, telling people what I do, makes me feel a tightness in my stomach and then you can be with that and you can work with that.
- 19:39Speaker 1: But it's when we talk about it in that other way.
- 19:43Speaker 1: It's so temporary because sensations are fleeting.
- 19:45Speaker 1: Sensations come and go.
- 19:47Speaker 1: In a minute you can have a tightness in your stomach.
- 19:49Speaker 1: Acknowledge it.
- 19:50Speaker 1: It goes away 12 seconds later.
- 19:52Speaker 1: But when you have a syndrome, it's on your identity.
- 19:55Speaker 1: It's a much more permanent thing.
- 19:57Speaker 1: So, starting to shift into just the sensation in your body and just acknowledging any discomfort that's there or dissonance, that's there for yourself, but not turning it into an illness, not turning it into some career disease, right.
- 20:15Speaker 1: And the other thing that I want you to know and I want you to understand about becoming a confident person, about becoming the person who shows up fully and completely in her life and her business and her career with her family, like all of those things, that discomfort is part of that, like discomfort is part of that process.
- 20:34Speaker 1: So even if you are uncomfortable Out there in your expertise, that doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, that does not mean anything's wrong with you or with what you're doing, or you don't need to be looking at yourself with such a Critical eye.
- 20:51Speaker 1: You could just be uncomfortable and not make that mean anything.
- 20:54Speaker 1: And I really want to say that because oftentimes when I'm working with clients and I'm coaching them, I think what they're looking to do is be coached to the point where they're comfortable in their greatness and I'm like that's not the way that goes.
- 21:08Speaker 1: It's not.
- 21:10Speaker 1: I wish that I.
- 21:11Speaker 1: I wish that I could tell you that with enough mindset, work or enough Energetics, you could just get all the way comfortable before you do the thing.
- 21:19Speaker 1: And I find no evidence of that being true, none, not from my own clients, not from myself and not from places where I'm a peer, you know, with other very successful people.
- 21:31Speaker 1: It's it's just not true that I want you to understand that discomfort and being uncomfortable in your body, feeling attention, feeling fear in your body, feeling a queasiness in your stomach, feeling a tightness in your chest, feeling like your knees are gonna give out, feeling your your voice shakes as part of the motherfucking process.
- 21:47Speaker 1: So don't make that those normal Milestones of success mean that you're doing it wrong, like that's another thing where people are like I'm uncomfortable, I must be an imposter, and I'm like, no, you're uncomfortable Because you're doing big things.
- 22:03Speaker 1: You're uncomfortable because you've never done this before.
- 22:05Speaker 1: You're uncomfortable because you're you're moving past your edges, you're growing and expanding.
- 22:09Speaker 1: You're uncomfortable because it's uncomfortable, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
- 22:14Speaker 1: But that really comes back to where we started today, which is really around that critical eye.
- 22:19Speaker 1: So you can play with this.
- 22:22Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you, just like a little somatic, you know, a little body thing to do.
- 22:25Speaker 1: So just give me, you know, make your mate.
- 22:28Speaker 1: Let's just say you make your, your left eye, your eye of recognition In your right eye, your critical eye, right.
- 22:36Speaker 1: And so, listen, having a critical eye is important.
- 22:39Speaker 1: There are tremendous benefits to having a critical eye.
- 22:43Speaker 1: It does help you to look at yourself.
- 22:45Speaker 1: It does help you to grow and expand.
- 22:47Speaker 1: It does help you to look to decide, to let go.
- 22:49Speaker 1: It does Contribute to discernment.
- 22:52Speaker 1: Having a critical eyes is going to help your judgment Every single day of the week.
- 22:56Speaker 1: So it's important and I don't want you to try and where I'm not going with this Is you want to blind your critical eye.
- 23:00Speaker 1: You don't.
- 23:01Speaker 1: You want to have a critical eye and you want to have that sometimes facing inwards, looking at your own self with a Critical eye, and sometimes you want to have that facing outwards To situations.
- 23:11Speaker 1: And it's not like critical eye to be critical of other people, but to just be an awareness, just looking at other people with a long critical eye, like, what are they doing?
- 23:20Speaker 1: Does this make sense?
- 23:21Speaker 1: Right, and then we have the eye of recognition, and so then when we turn our eye of recognition Inwards, we're gonna see our skills, our talents, our greatness, our glory, our worth, and you know our expertise, our sunshine, you know our good jujus.
- 23:35Speaker 1: And when we turn it outwards, we're gonna see those things in the world, we're gonna see the goodness in the world, and we want both of these eyes to be fully functioning, you know, but most of us have like a really weak eye of recognition, a really strong critical eye, and so it really impacts the balance that we have.
- 23:55Speaker 1: So, for today, what I want you to do is just play with that.
- 23:59Speaker 1: So just play with it.
- 24:00Speaker 1: Just cover up your eye of critical eye for a minute and look at the world through your eye of recognition.
- 24:05Speaker 1: Obviously, this is a metaphorical experience.
- 24:08Speaker 1: The world is gonna look the same.
- 24:10Speaker 1: But then turn your eye of recognition inwards and look at yourself with all of your glory, and then you don't need to turn your critical eye inwards for this activity, just so you know, because we all do that all the time anyways.
- 24:26Speaker 1: But start to play with it and you can start to be more generous in the way that you look at yourself and at the way that you look at other people and at the way that you look at the world.
- 24:35Speaker 1: Because also when imposter syndrome, when we have that hyper-critical eye facing out at the world, you watch the news, everything about the world seems dull and drab and terrible and like it's bad.
- 24:47Speaker 1: But like we live in the most wonderful existence, we have the most beautiful Earth, like we have.
- 24:53Speaker 1: Like the world that we live in is so good when you recognize its goodness.
- 24:58Speaker 1: But most of us are just looking at it with critique.
- 25:01Speaker 1: We're looking at the political situation and the wars going on and this and that, and we look through that critical eye.
- 25:06Speaker 1: And when you are only looking through your critical eye, you get such an unbalanced view that sucks.
- 25:13Speaker 1: And so that's true, for when you're looking at yourself only through your critical eye.
- 25:16Speaker 1: When you're only looking at other people through your critical eye and you're only looking at the world through your critical eye, it's just a sad and terrible.
- 25:24Speaker 1: So open up both of your eyes.
- 25:27Speaker 1: You know, enjoy the power and the discernment that comes from looking at the world through your critical eye, but enjoy the beauty and the glory of looking at yourself and others in the world through your eye of recognition and really work on balancing those two lenses out for yourself so that way you can start to move through the imposter syndrome but also be a person who can be generous by seeing the best in others Because you're looking at them through that eye of recognition, and be a person who sees the best in the world.
- 26:01Speaker 1: You know?
- 26:02Speaker 1: Alright, so I hope this was helpful.
- 26:04Speaker 1: I hope you learned something here.
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- 26:14Speaker 1: And if you're somebody who wants to work on some of these things you know, go to my website, check out.
- 26:24Speaker 1: We have the cash confident community, which is a place where women are coming to learn to be cash confident.
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- 26:47Speaker 1: So you can send me an email or book a call on my calendar to talk about limitless wealth if that sounds like something that you want to look at.
- 26:54Speaker 1: Alright, ladies, I love you, I appreciate you.
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