Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Should I Hook Up With My Neighbor?

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Should I Hook Up With My Neighbor? · I Do, Part 2

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do Part two.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: It's your real life single divorce guy, mister Wright, and
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: I'm back because we've gotten so many calls.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Into our hotline, and if you have any.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: Questions, you can always call us at eight four four
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: four four three six seven six' three and leave a,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: comment leave a. Question but we've gotten a lot of
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: incoming voicemails asking for some.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Advice so Today i'm going.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: To dive in and give you an honest perspective from
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: a single male divorce.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Guy And i'll give you my perspective on.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Things all, right then let's quit wasting time and dive
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: right into our first.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: VOICEMAIL i have a.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: QUESTION i got married about a year ago and everything's
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: so one. Great my husband has a really good best
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: friend from childhood that's a, female and they hang out
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: one on one a lot, alone AND i feel, like
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: ever since we got, married it's kind of. INAPPROPRIATE i love,
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: her BUT i also have always had this feeling that
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: she has feelings for my, husband but nothing's ever been acted.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: On they, say, SO i don't know what are your thoughts?
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Here thank you so, Much so.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: This is a really good, question AND i guess the
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: first thing is was that relationship there when you started?
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Dating so did you kind of know what you're getting yourself?
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Into and you, know was this relationship present when you
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: started dating and falling in? Love and then did it
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: then't get you, know uncomfortable for you because you, know
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: you guys started falling in. Love SO i think that's
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: the real question because if that relationship was there, beforehand
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: that's probably something that you probably should have taken notice.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Of BUT i can totally understand and you know the
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: way that it feels when you see somebody else with
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: your significant, other whether that's a girl or a, guy
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: whatever the case may, be it can be uncomfortable and
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: that's one of those things can start to fester and get,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: complicated and if you don't talk about, it it can get.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: Worse so, YES i think that you know that your
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: old friendships do and should change and respect the new,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: relationship especially when it's dealing with. Love but you have
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: to be honest about. It you have to be able
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: to talk about that with your you, know with your significant.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Other tell them it makes you. Uncomfortable maybe they, can you,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: know convince you that it's nothing to be uncomfortable, about
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: or maybe they don't even know that you're uncomfortable about.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: It but you, know at this part especially we're talking
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: chapter two later on in, life, communication openness is, Everything
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: so talk about, it all?
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: Right what do you?
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Think we go into our next voicemail and start to
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: listen a little bit about talking about dating after.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Divorce, Hi so.
• 3:04
  Speaker 5: WHAT i want to know is when did you feel
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: comfortable dating again after? DIVORCE i feel, like you, KNOW
• 3:11
  Speaker 5: i put so much emotion and so much everything into
• 3:15
  Speaker 5: my marriage and then you, know the divorce is a
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: whole other. Thing SO i don't know IF i feel
• 3:19
  Speaker 5: comfortable dating, yet but curious from a guy's, perspective when
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: did you feel comfortable dating? Again all?
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Right SO i was married for almost two, decades so you,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: know getting back out and dating was complicated, because you,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: know feeling that kind of nervousness about being across the
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: table from one other. Person it's awkward and it's, tough
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: especially when you haven't done it for a long. Time
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: and part of me couldn't help but seeing my ex
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: across the, table and you, know so it took a.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: While and the way THAT i kind of got used
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: to it was going out with a group of people
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: and trying to kind of break the eye slowly in
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: a group. Setting that WHEN i did feel uncomfortable AND
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: i DID i promise YOU i did feel, UNCOMFORTABLE i
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: could kind of back off a little. Bit you can't
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: back off when you're on a one in one, date
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: but you're just another person because it's just you, know
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: obviously it's a lot more. Difficult so for, me it
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: was a little bit like dipping my toe in the
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: water and then getting more comfortable and then slowly over.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Time AND i DON'T i can't say it's six weeks
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: or six. Months it's whatever feels natural to. You but
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: the more that you get out, there the more you
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: put yourself back in those social, situations those group, dates you,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: know those sort of. SETTINGS i think it does get,
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: easier but there's no. Formula it doesn't get easy, immediately
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: and you just have to kind of feel your way
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: through and do it feels right to. You but that first,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: date no matter when it, is is gonna feel. Awkward expect,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: that get used to, it get ready for. It but
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: it gets. Better all, Right it's time for our next
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: voicemail coming in from another.
• 4:58
  Speaker 6: Listener i'm dating someone who is divorced AND i feel
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: like he's constantly comparing you to his ex. Wife is this?
• 5:07
  Speaker 6: Normal did you ever do? This how DO i not
• 5:10
  Speaker 6: take this? Personally or SHOULD i consider it a red?
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Flag, now this is a very touchy, subject especially if
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: you know you haven't been married before and, you're you,
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: know dating somebody that's newly, divorced because there's going to
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: naturally be this inclination to compare and to contrast and
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: to complain it about an x and to compare to
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: an Ex AND i don't think it's a red. Flag
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: but here's another situation which you just need to communicate
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: that it's making you feel a little uncomfortable because you
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: know this other person that you're dating that's been married,
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: before that might be all that they know for a long,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: time and so that's what they're comparing you to to
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: something that is known to, them that is comfortable to
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: them and ultimately was uncomfortable to them and didn't work.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Out so the compare can be both positive and. Negative
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: it could be comparisons for the things that that person
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: found in somebody that found attractive in, Somebody but on
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: the other, side that could also be comparing and identifying
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: some of the things that they didn't like about that.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Person SO i think that if it's making it, uncomfortable
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: if it's obvious enough that you're noticing, IT i think
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: it's time to say something and remind that. Person, hey
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: you're not dating your ex. Anymore you're dating. Me it's
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: okay to you, know to have learned from your past,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: relationships but at some point you have to move on
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: and be the best version of you you can be for.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Me so talk about, It communicate about. It if it
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: makes you feel, uncomfortable let that person. Know all, right
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: we have another voicemail coming in from a, listener so
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: let's roll that.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Voicemail.
• 6:51
  Speaker 7: Hi my name Is julie And i'm recently divorced and
• 6:55
  Speaker 7: starting to date. AGAIN i have this hot new neighbor
• 6:58
  Speaker 7: who moved in across the street meems to be. Single
• 7:01
  Speaker 7: SHOULD i even attempt to date.
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: Someone who lives so close to? Me could this end up?
• 7:06
  Speaker 7: Backfiring could you please let me know what you THINK
• 7:09
  Speaker 7: i should?
• 7:10
  Speaker 8: Do thank you so.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Much dating the.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Neighbor the likelihood of this working out is very very.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Small the likelyhood of this blowing up very very. High
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: the likelihood of this open ending up on some reality,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: show very very, High so be very very. Cautious the
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: old adage you don't want to poop where you, Sleep
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: and this old adage or this new ad, is you
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: don't want to date where you sleep because in the
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: event that it doesn't work, out which it you, know
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: if you look.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: At the, odds it probably. Won't then from now on
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: you're going to have.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: That person watching who goes in and out of your
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: house and in and out of your driveway or in
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: and out of your parking garage. Forever and you, know,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: again if it's if it's meant to, be it's meant to.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Be but that's What i'd be a little bit worried.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: ABOUT i wouldn't force that. One i'd maybe take a.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Pass SO i think you're talking about being too close for.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: COMFORT i think it's any time that you might open
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: your door and see that person that you tried to
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: date it didn't.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Work, out that would make me. Nervous that should make you.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Nervous SO i think that you, know if the person
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: lives down the street or across, town or near your
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: coffee shop or place of business or whatever, else that's.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Fine that's totally fine because you might run into, them
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: you might, not but it's going to be kind of an.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Accident but you, know if you're living in an apartment
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: building and that person is right across.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: The, hall just could get, Awkward so get ready for.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: It SO i don't think that there's a there's a
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: rule for, this except for maybe make it far enough
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: away that you, know.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: If you run into, them it's an, accident not an.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Eventuality SO i think this is a little bit like
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: dating a, coworker which in the H R Human resources
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: File Binder rule number, one no dating in the office because,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: inevitably when it goes, wrong or if it goes, wrong
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: it blows, up and it blows up. Huge and you,
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: know just like you're walking into an office every day
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: and seeing that same, person if you live across the
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: street or next door in close proximity to that, person.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be kind of the same.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Thing so, yeah office, romance you, know apartment building, romance
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: across the street. Romance it's very, Convenient make no, mistake
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: it's very very convenient to you, know for a you,
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: know for a romantic affair with somebody that lives close
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: by to.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: You but just think of the.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Repercussions think of how awkward that's going to be the
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: next time you show, up you, know at your at
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: your the door to your house and you've got somebody else,
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: there and that ex, lover THAT x romance pops.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Up across and and sees. You just trust, me.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Be. CAREFUL i am speaking a little bit from experience
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: WHEN i was a younger. MAN i had an office
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: romance WHEN i first job out of, college and it
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: lasted about two and a half. DATES i won't get
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: into the half, date but it didn't last an entire third.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Date and you, know Come monday, morning there we were
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: in the same, office meeting at the water, cooler showing
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: showing up and, leaving you, know from. Work and we
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: were okay with. It but it could have been. Awkward
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: it could have been. Awkward it was a little, bit
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: but it could have been. Worse don't make it.
• 10:39
  Speaker 9: Worse, hi It's Jenny, garth host of THE I CHOOSE meee.
• 10:51
  Speaker 9: Podcast this Week Monica. Lewinsky, yes That, monica the one
• 10:56
  Speaker 9: the world tore. Apart she's still, Standing she's back and.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Done it really felt like it was one of those
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: situations where you literally do or.
• 11:06
  Speaker 9: Die monica stared down shame and came out the other,
• 11:09
  Speaker 9: side and she is here to change what you thought you.
• 11:12
  Speaker 10: Knew and it's sort of not over until we tryumph.
• 11:15
  Speaker 9: A conversation that will inspire you to choose yourself starting.
• 11:19
  Speaker 9: Today listen TO I Choose me on The iHeartRadio, App Apple,
• 11:22
  Speaker 9: podcasts or wherever you get your.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: Podcasts all, right, now it's time for our next voicemail
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: of the.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Afternoon take it.
• 11:33
  Speaker 11: Away, Hi, SO i am recently. Divorced it was finalized
• 11:39
  Speaker 11: last week and it's been a long time.
• 11:41
  Speaker 12: Coming i'm ready to.
• 11:42
  Speaker 11: Date my question for you, is As i'm, dating as
• 11:47
  Speaker 11: someone asked why my marriage, ended DO i give the,
• 11:51
  Speaker 11: raw real reason or a polished version to not scare them.
• 11:55
  Speaker 11: AWAY i can't shame the two why we got, divorced
• 11:59
  Speaker 11: but it's because of, him not. Me SO i feel
• 12:02
  Speaker 11: LIKE i can tell him the, truth BUT i don't
• 12:05
  Speaker 11: want to give him too much info on our first.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Date what do you?
• 12:08
  Speaker 6: Think let me?
• 12:09
  Speaker 12: Know thank?
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: You SO i will say that all of my, Advice
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: my most important piece of advice for chapter two, relationships
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: especially when they're young and raw and, vulnerable is to be,
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: honest is to be open and be. Honest but having said,
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: that you don't have to go into the gory. DETAILS
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: i think that you should be honest whether you, know
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: if you've got hurt coming out of a relationship and
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: that makes you extra vulnerable or extra, raw you should
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: share that with. Somebody you should talk about you know
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: what your past relationship history is and reasons why you
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: might be apprehensive about getting into. Something SO i think that,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: yes be, honest BUT i don't think that you have
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: to go diving into it right on the first, date
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: before you know this is someone you're going to see
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: for a, second, third or, fourth or fifth or forever.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Date but as you start moving, THROUGH i do think
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: that you want to be as clear and open and
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: honest as you possibly, can especially as you move through
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: a relationship and it starts to develop more and.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: More you owe it to that. Person that person owes
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: it to you as.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Well if you have scar tissue from an, incident from
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: a from something that broke up your previous, relationship you
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: need to make sure that other person knows it so
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: they don't inadvertently walk into something that they just didn't
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: know about that they didn't they weren't clear on and you,
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: know you hope that every divorce, has you, know a
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: story that that they just grew, apart a story about
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: them wanting different. Things but there are the occasions when
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: someone just gets. Hurt the other person, hurt that person
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: cheated on, them lied to, them you, know all of,
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: those all of those those damaging things that can cause a.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Divorce and if that's happened to, you you're you're gonna
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: be carrying some of that. Resentment you're gonna be carrying
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: some of that, hurt and it's gonna take a while
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: to get, through and you're gonna need that person that
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: you're dating to help you get through that over. Time
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: and if you're not, sharing that other person doesn't know
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: what they're dealing. With they don't know how to be,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: sensitive they don't know how to be, helpful and, ultimately
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: you're keeping something from. Them so, yes and, no be,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: honest be. Open you don't have to start off right
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: away with all of the delicate, details but you, know
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: if you want to let somebody, in you have to
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: let them know what they're getting. Into all, right we've
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: got another voicemail coming, in so let's take a.
• 14:38
  Speaker 13: Listen, hey, GUYS i have a quick question for you
• 14:41
  Speaker 13: being a little. Help my ex wife AND i split
• 14:43
  Speaker 13: about three years, ago and now she's saying a much
• 14:46
  Speaker 13: younger guy who's now her. BOYFRIEND i don't know IF
• 14:49
  Speaker 13: i need to be friends with him so he can
• 14:51
  Speaker 13: be around my son a, lot or if this is
• 14:54
  Speaker 13: something THAT i should just push off to the side.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: And let happen.
• 14:57
  Speaker 13: Organically seeing if you guys THINK i should go get
• 15:00
  Speaker 13: a drink with, him go, golfing OR i don't, know
• 15:02
  Speaker 13: just you, know have a. Chat we really appreciate your.
• 15:05
  Speaker 12: Insight.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: Thanks, well this is a great question and a great
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: perspective in especially in this chapter, two because there is
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: a you, know a large likelihood that you are going
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: to find somebody that has, kids and you're also going
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: to find that your ex is going to date somebody
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: that has, kids and somebody's maybe dating your ex with
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: whom you have, kids and that delicate balance about when
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: not only to introduce the new love of your life
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: to your, kids also when is it time to introduce
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: the love of your life to the you, know the
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: father or mother of your. Children AND i think it's
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: it's a really case dependent because of, course when you
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: sit back and think about. It you want to, have you,
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: know a very modern family type of relationship where you
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: have the ex and then you know husband or wife
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: and new love and you are all you know, together co,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: parenting working, together balancing all these things. Out but a
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: lot of times there are complications to. It there might
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: be some, resentment there might be some, hurt and a
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: lot of, times unfortunately that children are can play kind
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: of pawns in this, game and which is incredibly. Unfortunate
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: SO i think it's important to be willing to meet
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: your ex spouse's new. Relationship don't be too, eager, though
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: because you know you want to make sure that that
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: person is going to be sticking. Around you want it to. Happen, yes,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: organically you don't want to force the, issue you don't
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: want to make it. Uncomfortable but you got to know
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: that there is going to be somebody else in your
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: child's life at some. Point but at what point do
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: you want to then invest yourself and your time and
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: your energy to meeting that. Person SO i don't think
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: it's something that has to happen right out of the.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: GATE i don't think it has to happen even. Soon
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: BUT i think you want to understand who that person
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: is obviously to you, know be careful of the welfare
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: of your, child but you want to you, know you
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: want to know what kind of people are going to
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: be around your.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Kid do you need to be friends with? Them do
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you need a golf with? THEM i don't think.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: So BUT i think that you want to make sure
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: that you're aware of who is around your. Child who
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: could be you, know that next person that's filling in
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: some sort of a paternal or maternal, role and but
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: just don't force. IT i, think let it happen organically
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: to a certain, degree but be. Vigilant it is your
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: responsibility as a parent to make sure that your child
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: and your child's welfare is taken care.
• 17:43
  Speaker 8: Of mister, right tell me, personally would you want your
• 17:50
  Speaker 8: ex and your new significant other to be hanging out
• 17:55
  Speaker 8: without you?
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Involved so this is SOMETHING i.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: HAVE i have, kids and my AND i have a
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: very good, relationship and we've talked about this. Before what
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: is the right time to start introducing or being around
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: a new. Relationship AND i think that you, know we
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: both agree that it has to be somebody that's invested
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: because you don't want your, kids you, know having a
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: revolving door of new, relationships of people coming in and
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: out because they're not going to know when to invest
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: themselves in that. Person so it is heartbreaking to think
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: at any point that my kids would be around a
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: new father, figure a new. Influence you, know it.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Does it is probably the most difficult.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Thing for me when considering my, divorce the idea that
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: there's going to be somebody else throwing a baseball with my,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: child that's going to be having an experience, travel you,
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: know even something as simple as you know as a
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: dinner When i'm not there is the. Heart this thing
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: about being divorced is being away from your kids at,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: All but then supplement in somebody.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Else is there when you're not. There so.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: You, know in a perfect, world you know you would
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: you would always be able to be around your, Children
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: but divorce, doesn't you, know, permit that doesn't allow. That
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: it and it's it's part of the evolution of moving
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: on and the only way that you can make it
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: any easier is by feeling good and comfortable with whoever
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: it is that your ex is with and hopefully getting
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: to know, them maybe not, personally but through reputation through their.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: History through their.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Path you, know all those sorts of things can hopefully
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: build enough confidence to make you feel. Comfortable i'll never
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: be one hundred percent, COMFORTABLE i can tell you, that
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: but for the sake of the kids and the sake
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: of your your ex and moving, on.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: You have to come to grips with. It you have
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: to find some piece in.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: It and the way That i've found piece in it
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: is is hopefully knowing who that person, is what their character,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: is and and feeling comfortable enough to let that part
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: go a little. BIT i mean, today so after spending you,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: know five days with my boys down at the, beach you,
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: KNOW i turned the back, over you, know to to my.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Ex and that's even that in and of itself is
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: really really. Difficult and you, think, oh it's you get a.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Break you've been single datting for for a week and
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: now you get, to you, know get a.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Break it's, LIKE i don't want to.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Break and you, know it's a it's a it's a
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: release OF i don't, know. Responsibility it's a release of,
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: LIKE i don't. Know it's a very very difficult, thing
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: and you know it has to happen at some. Point
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: there there's an eventuality to, it but it doesn't make
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: it any.
• 20:47
  Speaker 10: Easier dancing with The stars is looking for a new,
• 20:59
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• 21:02
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• 21:03
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• 21:04
  Speaker 14: There i've spent my entire life in the, ballroom so
• 21:07
  Speaker 14: maybe you could use some.
• 21:08
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• 21:42
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• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Podcasts, okay let's go to the next.
• 21:49
  Speaker 12: Voicemail my name Is, Sarah i'm a single mom and
• 21:53
  Speaker 12: trying to date. THAT i keep meeting guys who are single.
• 21:56
  Speaker 12: Dads they don't have good relationships with their ex yis
• 22:00
  Speaker 12: who are the mother of their. Kids my question is
• 22:04
  Speaker 12: it up to me as the new girlfriend to help
• 22:06
  Speaker 12: them bridge that?
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Gap, yeah this is a difficult.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: Question and when you enter into a, relationship and let's
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: let's take a step back here even before talking, about you,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: know their relationship and helping, them when you're getting into
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: a new relationship with someone and they have been, divorced
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: there is a natural kind of i don't, know like
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: a caution flag that goes up if they don't have
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: a good relationship with their. Ex why don't they have
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: a good relationship with their? Ex it is it really
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: all the other person's? Fault is it all the ex's?
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Fault is? It do they carry none of the? Responsibility
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: so right away that makes me a little bit, nervous
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: AND i will have some red flags start to poke
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: up a little.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Bit and you, know you want someone that you.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Know in a perfect, WORLD i think that has a
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: decent enough relationship with their ex to be able to co,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: parent to be able to put the child, first And
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: i've heard horror stories where again that the child is
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: kind of a pawn in this game and they're, used
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: as you, know as a weapon against the other co. Parent,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: now whether that's with, scheduling whether that's with drop offs or,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: pickups you, know or giving permission to do things or,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: helicopter all these different, things and it's it's it's really
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: it's a tragedy for the child and for you, know
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: for the. Family so now you're the question That sarah
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: had was really about what's her responsibility, it you, know
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: should she be trying to step in and help out
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: and give advice and. Counsel, well, YEAH i thinks as a,
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: partner as you, know if you're dating or you, know
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: in a, relationship you're always wanting to, give you, know.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Advice but this can be a very very touchy. Subject
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: how someone parents their, child how someone disciplines their, child
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: how someone co parents is very very, personal AND i
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: would be cautious about trying to step in too much
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: and giving your.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Opinion, now you want to be, supportive.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: You want to give you, know as much you, know
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: guidance and counsel as you, can but just be careful
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: about not being seen as meddling too much because you
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: know that that relationship that created that child and ultimately
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: ended in a, divorce it has, history it has scar,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: tissue it has you, know it has a lot of you,
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: know a lot of history that you may not be familiar,
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: with and to wade into it, unknowingly even with the best,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: intentions even because you just want to, help you might
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: end up really making it.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Worse and this is A this.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Is one of those times when you almost have to
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: kind of sit this one out until you're asked to step,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: in WHICH i know can be so difficult when all
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: you want to do is.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Help, okay that was.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: A great question and we're now to our final voicemail
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: of the.
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: Day SO i just.
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: Started dating a guy and he's pretty off the, grid
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: like he doesn't have An instagram and he's just more
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: of a private. Person but he's weird about his.
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: Phone like we'll be driving.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: And i'll like be asking him for his phone password
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: to put on some music or, whatever and he gave
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: it to. Me later he mentioned that he had switched
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: his phone.
• 25:28
  Speaker 6: Password like SHOULD i be?
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: Concerned why is.
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: He being so weird and secretive about his?
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Phone and this is a really really great question and
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: a really good comment and a really interesting, perspective which
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: is the.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Phone the. Phone the phone has become such.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: A huge part of our, lives and mostly our dating
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: lives and our relationship. Lives and once upon a, time
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: you know someone who used to hide a diary under
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: the bed or something like, That but now all your
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: secrets are held inside of a. Phone who you're talking,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: to what you're looking, at who you, know what pictures
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: do you? Like all these all this stuff that is
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: really very very personal is hidden in this. Phone and
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: the expectation is this is just you know that that's.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: Mine it's my private. SPACE i am the only one
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: that gets to know what goes on in my. Phone
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: but as you get in a, relationship of course you're
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: gonna have someone's gonna have questions about. It what are
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: you looking? At who are you talking? To are you
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: talking to you an ex? Girlfriend you?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Know are you you?
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Know are you carrying on multiple? Relationships and it's almost
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: impossible not to be suspicious if someone's not willing to share.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: That nowhere where does it become an invasion of privacy
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: versus where does it become you're just right to know
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: what the other person's, doing who they're talking, to and
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: where they've. Been AND i you, Know i'll, say, Like
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: I'M i think that hiding a phone is hiding a.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: Secret that's my personal. Perspective if someone isn't willing to
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: share with you what they're looking at and who they're talking,
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: to they're probably hiding. Something you, know unless they're you,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: know a CIAgent and more or they have the nuclear,
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: codes there probably isn't something important enough that they should
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: be hiding from their significant.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: Other.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: NOW i get it if you're in the early stages
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: of dating and you're just kind of getting to know each,
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: other and you should probably think there's probably a high
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: likelihood that there are other people in his life or
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: her life that they haven't let go. Of but if
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: you've been dating for a, while if you are moving
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: on to those next logical steps of a relationship of
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: moving in together or committing the rest of your lives, together,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: yeah you should know the password to their. Phone you
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: should know who they're talking, to you should know where
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: they've been that you, know if you're suspicious about, that you,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: know it's just a matter of time before that relationship ends.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Up dissolving and falls.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Apart so, Yeah i'd be suspicious if a phone is
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: so important that they're unwilling to share a password and
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: let you know what they've been up.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: To, well thanks for all those.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Voicemails and you, know if you're really going through, it
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: need some, advice you know you're feeling lost in your divorce,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: process you can send us an email or leave us
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: a voicemail and all you got to do is call
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: us at eight four four four four three six seven six,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: three leave us a.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: Voicemail we'll listen to.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: It we'll answer, it you, know and record it and
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: hopefully give you a little bit of. Clarity SO I,
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: Do part two is an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: love is the main.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Objective