Latest / Freedom Flip / Stimulation, Coffee Culture and Why We’re Always Tired - EP004

Transcript

Stimulation, Coffee Culture and Why We’re Always Tired - EP004 · Freedom Flip

• 0:00
  I had a topic idea for today. Let's go. Sleep. Feeling like an idiot. I'm feeling half of my brain's working. How much time did you sleep today? We were in Las Vegas together for like three, four days. And then I was there another day or two. I don't think I slept more than four or five hours any of those days.
• 0:16
  Well, events usually are tough because there is a lot of stimulation going. If it's in Vegas, if it's in Miami, or if it's in Montana, it doesn't really matter. Like those kind of events, especially for you as an extrovert, there's a lot of excitement. So that usually affects the sleep because there is no winding down that you do in your day. I was back home for a day, so I didn't have my glasses that block stuff that helps me sleep. I have a whole like sleep kit, which we can talk about.
• 0:46
  myself. So not only was it a new location and the excitement, like you said, then my own mistake, I left behind this stuff I use to help enable the best sleep possible wherever I am.
• 0:57
  It's normal that we're going to be sleeping less because of all the excitement, because of conversations that are very, very interesting that run until 11 p.m. when we are usually already sleeping at 11 p.m. Think about this. In our day-to-day, all the usually exciting, amazing growth mindset conversations, they end up by 7 p.m., 8 p.m., maybe 6 p.m. And here is nonstop from the beginning of the day until the end of the night.
• 1:26
  So I think that it's normal that our brain is just overstimulated and that we are not going to be sleeping as good as we usually sleep. So that is the other approach to say, it's fine. It's fine. I know that I'm going to be sleeping a total of maybe five hours or seven hours less than if I was in my house. And I'm cool with that. Or the other one also is to say, 10 p.m., bye guys, sayonara, just go to bed. That's deep, man. What would you say your path is?
• 1:49
  I think that it depends. So just for context, we were in one event. We were all in a house and it was a very small group of incredible humans. And that was in Las Vegas, but it was not even close to the strip. So we couldn't really feel the horrendous energy that happens in the strip. Those were not conversations about let's just go and drink and gamble and this and that and everyone smoking. This was very...
• 2:15
  calm and chill conversations. So I think that's one kind of trip and that was incredible for me and I had no problem. Just mention the planner, what the planner did and you axed that before you move on to the second. Remember her party package, the drinks and stuff at the house and her plan? Yeah, so we have an event planner and she put the schedule together without really much directions from us. And when I saw it, I'm like, no, that's not the kind of group of people that we are because she was like,
• 2:44
  Okay, Vegas, they want to party, they want to drink. We're going to literally start having dinner like at 9 p.m. I'm like, are we back in Argentina? What's going on here? So it's like, no, no, this is not what we want to do. So it was a whole different trip that we had planned, which is...
• 3:00
  much more chill and in-house, indoor type of trip. Even though we put, of course, hiking and so on, but it was, you know what? No, we are not going to end every day at 11, 12. We want to end at 9, 10. So let's just move the whole schedule.
• 3:15
  And I would say that was great. I did not really get very good sleep there because my room was shit. I don't know what happened. It was so fucking cold. So that was my excuse for not getting very good. Another thing that I am using, it really helps me. And I discovered this when I was in your house. I was jet lagged. So I wake up and what is my mind saying or what is my internal commentary talking about? It's like, oh my gosh, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. And then I said...
• 3:44
  Wait a second. I say this shit all the time. Almost all the time that I am tired, I say this thing. What if I flip it? What if I say, I have so much energy? And I know some people listen, but you are lying to yourself. Whatever I'm going to say, it can be construed as a lie. I am so tired. I am so tired.
• 4:03
  What the fuck does that even mean? Yeah. I'm just going to stay in the bed? No, I'm going to go and live my day and maximize my day as much as I can. So why is it helpful to say, I'm so tired. I don't have too much energy. The right thing would be, oh, really? You don't have energy? Go to sleep.
• 4:20
  No, no, but I really want to do this. Then flip it. Then say that you have a lot of energy. Because if you don't have energy, just cut it short, go to sleep, no problem. Or let me text everyone. I say, hey, guys, I'm not going to be participating of the first sessions or breakfast. I'm going to keep sleeping two more hours. Very valid point. So I realized that this cassette or this CD or this song has been playing for a long time. But catching that at the beginning of last year, so whatever, that was a big one.
• 4:46
  So just flipping it. I have so much energy. Have you been using that regularly? I've been using it. Not as frequent because I don't always realize that I am saying, I'm so tired. And also a different thing would be to say, today I feel a little bit slow right now. Right now, in this moment, I feel a little bit slow. Okay. But I am framing it with a specific time frame rather than, I am so tired. That is an identity thing, right? I am so tired. And I don't think that's helpful whatsoever. Right.
• 5:15
  And some people, that becomes their identity. They're always tired. And then that leads to, I can't operate without my coffee. I got to have three coffees or I'm drinking five a day. So you don't drink coffee. By the way, if you drink coffee, just drop a coffee emoji in the comments.
• 5:32
  If you hate me for not drinking coffee. If you hate that Peter doesn't drink coffee and have very strong opinions about coffee, then you can put a coffee, a face of a man, and a shitty emoji, like a poop emoji. Peter will understand that that's for him. And I'm going to read every comment. Share with people about your experience with coffee and your strong opinions about coffee.
• 5:55
  Yeah, it's relatively simple. It's kind of... I want that you polarize the audience. Just trigger them, okay? Yeah, let's trigger them. Let's get them stressed. I think the first thing is it's the most popular drug on earth. That's fascinating, just as a fact. Why is it a drug? Because it's a stimulant that you ingest and has a chemical response and reaction in your body. Just because it comes from Colombia doesn't mean there is a drug, okay?
• 6:20
  Two great drugs out of Colombia. One's white, one's black. Both are popular. I don't do either one of them. Peter, you already have too much energy, so I don't know what it would look like if you were drinking those things. Now, this is fascinating. This is what people say so often whenever I say this.
• 6:35
  What if we flip it? Why do I have so much energy? Wait, are you saying that you have so much energy because you don't depend on those stimulants? I don't know for certain. Could it be true? Most of the people I know, I have two buddies who have never had coffee. High energy people. There's a great book, Why We Sleep, talks through this natural circadian rhythm. And 70, 80% of people are in this circadian rhythm where they sleep normally at night and
• 7:00
  you know, or up during the day. There's a small portion that are kind of the actual night owls. For most of humans' existence, other than this little tiny blink of an eye existence for the last, since Thomas Edison, lights didn't exist. So you had the big light turned on, the sun. You got it to stimulate your eye and start your chemical reaction to be awake. You know, your scutting rhythm, your cortisol would spike, you'd be awake, you'd be active.
• 7:26
  You'd kill an animal, you'd catch some food, you'd get some berries, whatever, eat. Then you'd kind of tell jokes and start relaxing. And then towards the very end, we learned how to use fire. So we'd light a fire and that'd give you a little bit of light. Before that, light went off. You went off. You went to bed.
• 7:42
  You know, you cuddled, you made children, you played with your children, you did whatever it was, right, as you got ready for bed. That is deeply ingrained in our bodies and our minds. And then suddenly Thomas Edison has 10,000 mistakes and one success makes light bulbs.
• 7:58
  And before that, fire, right, for a short time. These just transformed our circadian rhythm. And so because of that, we changed this whole sleep paradigm where we started staying up later, right? So now that I'm staying up later while I'm waking up, you know, the one thing that didn't change was my alarm clock, right? We have to get to the factory. We have to get to school. We have to get to our obligation. Well, because that didn't change, but our sleep did. And if you look at it, I think around 1900, the average amount of sleep, do you know what it was for—
• 8:27
  An American? No clue. Guess. Eight hours. I remember it as 1900 was nine. Guess what it is today? Six. Six and a half. So you think about, we just took a cut, right? From nine to six, right? Yeah, that's insane. Huge cut, right? Nine to six and a half, whatever it is. When you zoom out and look at it from that perspective, everything changes.
• 8:47
  Makes sense, right? So for me, I'm less focused on what the stimulant is, right? Zins are popular. It's like a caffeine pouch. Coffee, whatever it is, right? These drinks that have four cups of coffee, these energy drinks are really popping up too. If the goal is to have energy, right, these are all just methods to try and acquire energy. What's another way to acquire energy? Sleep nine hours.
• 9:07
  Go back to eight, nine hours. And some people are like, I can't do that. Open your phone. Go through settings, general, time on phone. Okay, great. Now look at the applications. How much is on social media? Okay, how much is on stuff that doesn't have to happen? Hmm. Oh, wow. Four, five hours a day.
• 9:25
  Oh, okay, okay. So if we cut that out, flipped it to sleep. Oh, now we're six to eight. Oh, now we're seven to nine, right? And so I think these are getting into the root issues, which for me, I don't want to sound like I have it all figured out. I slept horribly all week and I'm, you know, my brain's half off. So I'm still right here on the battlefield trying to figure it out. But the biggest changes I had, some of my rules are no cell phones in my bed. Why? Because I have a weak brain.
• 9:52
  And I'm laying in the bed, and then suddenly it's 2 a.m. I'm like, what happened? It was at 9.30. I'm like, why am I still up at 2? What happened? You know, it's text or YouTube or whatever has got my attention. That's one rule. So golden rule, no cell phones in the beds. Beds are for sleeping and, you know, making sweet, sweet love if you want to have children. What if you don't want to have children? I was raised in a Catholic church. You know, there's only sex after marriage outside of that. It doesn't exist. Shut up, Peter.
• 10:21
  I was in Vegas with you. I saw everything. Guys in their 30s and 40s, when you're still going to strip clubs and do all that stuff, it's like, man, you're in a dark place. Okay, so rule number one, don't go to strip clubs. Fix the root problem, which is typically our source of energy is sleep. So if we cut sleep from nine down to six, right? We shaved off 33%. That's a big hit. What is the source problem in your opinion?
• 10:45
  For most people, including myself, I was spending too much time on stuff I didn't need to do on my phone, TV, shows, whatever it was. That was taking away time that for many generations, hundreds and thousands of years, it was used to sleep. Because I was flipping into these screens, and the screens are the opposite, right? The screens stimulate my eye the same the way the sun does, so it actually wakes me up.
• 11:08
  and you do that before bed, one, you're losing time to sleep. Two, you're actually damaging your sleep because your eye is being stimulated and your circadian rhythm is getting thrown off.
• 11:17
  Okay, but in short, what is the problem? Not enough sleep. That's the result. Why is that happening? TV shows, being on social media in the evening, as well as when you're on those screens, it's waking you up. So it cuts into even the sleep you have. I have a different opinion on that, even though, of course, that I agree with what you're saying. I think that the problem, the root problem, is the lack of acknowledgement of the addiction that we have. If I don't...
• 11:43
  realize that I have an addiction to TV, to social media, to coffee, then how am I going to change? Why am I going to change? You're spot on. And I think another example is alcohol, right? I've seen so many people that were like, ah, you know, I don't drink that much. It's only a couple of drinks a night. And then when they start using these devices that track their HRV and their health, they're like, holy smokes.
• 12:08
  When I drink, I do not sleep. My heart's doing this. My sleep is doing this. When I don't drink, it's just solid. And this is part of it. Not only are we sleeping less, we're sleeping horribly. So you're one taking nine down to six, and you're taking that six, and you're really getting more like three good hours at most. Most of your REM sleep happens after four to four and a half hours of sleep. So then you're just hacking that completely. I had three hot takes that were game changers for me.
• 12:38
  Number one, cut out the TV, the screens, the light. You know, I wear the crazy three lenses that I pop on the shades for the orange glasses. They're magnetic. You pop three lenses on. Two is you don't set an alarm to wake up. You set an alarm to go to bed. So I get an alarm at 845 every night and I'll forget about it. It's my only alarm the entire day. The only one I set on a recurring daily basis. Number three, I'm sure that is the bomb. That's the bomb. What?
• 13:05
  That's the one that's going to change everyone's life. The other one too, I took sleep supplement the first time ever on this Vegas trip, which I wasn't excited about. Your, I think it was, was it ambient? Not ambient. What is it? Cocaine?
• 13:18
  It is the opposite. What is the opposite of cocaine? The opposite melatonin. Isn't it the opposite? Is ketamine the one that puts you to sleep? Yeah, probably the opposite. The brand is ****** or something like that. A friend of ours, doctor, recommended this pill. Okay, what was your experience? Was it the first time that you take this pill? First time I believe I've ever taken it?
• 13:39
  You said that you took half one night. Yeah, I slept very, very little. I felt like I didn't sleep at all, and I was just waking up every 10 minutes. So then you gave me over-the-counter sleeping aid, which kind of freaks me out, because I feel like people get addicted to those as well. I took half of it, and then I woke up and I was wide awake. I think I went to bed at like 11, woke up wide awake at 2 a.m. I had some weird dream with Taylor Swift. I don't know what was happening, but it was really weird. I'm not a Taylor Swift fan. Wide awake, something about Taylor Swift.
• 14:08
  she turned you into a Democrat.
• 14:10
  I was a Swifty, uh, taken over the world. Big Swifty Democrat. And I took the other half. And then, boom, I woke up and I was like six or seven in the morning. I was like, this is awesome. The second night didn't work quite as well. You took half or you took one? Half and then half. The second night I took one. And I don't remember what happened, but it felt like I just woke up. This, actually, this is my third mic drop sleep trick. I had a big struggle. I think there's certain people that are super creative or they get ideas that come into them at night. They wake up and they just can't stop going.
• 14:39
  So there was a study or a research lab in the UK that was really effective about helping people get over their sleep problems. And guess what the entire, you're going to love this. Guess what the biggest trick is? I'll give you a hint. It's a flip.
• 14:53
  Yes, I know it, but say it. It's 2 a.m. I wake up. I'm like, I gotta go to sleep. I'm so tired. So what do we do? We try and force it. Sleep, sleep, sleep. All we're doing is revving up our engine, our mind, our heart, everything. So you do the exact opposite. You flip it. You say, I gotta stay up. I'm gonna stay up all night. I am not allowed to go to sleep. I am not allowed to go to sleep.
• 15:16
  If that doesn't work or I feel like I was too revved up or my idea or my Taylor Swift nightmare or whatever it is. Number two is I learned some meditation. In this case, it's you just come back to your breathing or you come back to I had a meditation TM that I was doing, transcendental meditation. So you have this little phrase and you just keep saying it. And the beautiful thing with meditation is you either fall asleep or you just calm and feel peaceful.
• 15:39
  Those two tricks changed my life. Changed my life. How about you? Did you have sleep trouble at any point and use anything? Yeah, I've been sleeping not much whatsoever. And I've been tracking with the ring or a ring. Yeah, I've been having this kind of like identity of like, oh, I struggle with sleep and this and that. Last year, I've been making several improvements. Right now, I am
• 16:04
  looking to understand what is the ideal time to go to bed for me. Usually I was going to bed like at 11 or whatever. And then I started going at 9 and that was a big game changer. The ring for whatever reason is telling me that I need to go to bed later. That that's how my body usually benefits the most for going to bed like at 10, 10.30. So I am playing a little bit with that.
• 16:31
  Now, the other part that for me is a massive difference is now that I am in the America's time zone, that is a big change because I was in the European time zone for a very, very long time. What that means is that I have to stop my meetings.
• 16:47
  But the messages keep coming. The conversations keep happening. So I can be going to bed at 10 and it's whatever, it's 3 p.m. for you. So you are still on your prime. Yeah. And I'm like, geez. So my brain is kind of active. Right. And what happens also is if I wake up in the middle of the night and I don't sleep with my phone close to me, but let's say that I sleep with the phone far away. I'm like, ah.
• 17:12
  I'm just one, I want to check because it was this conversation that was interesting. And I can see I have 27 messages. Like right now, being in the America's time zone, if I do that, I have zero messages, zero new messages. So I think that that is going to really help me with my nervous system, calming down, relaxing, because I won't have the stimulation. So not an easy thing for me, but I am working together.
• 17:38
  to make it better. And this year I have my goal is, so again, I track with Aura Ring. The average last year was six hours and 22 minutes of sleep, being asleep. This is not hours in bed. This is being asleep. So my goal for this year is to increase that to seven hours. Just a random number that I am feeling that when I sleep seven hours, I am feeling much more energetic.
• 18:04
  And are usually in bed about an hour more. So would it be a total of eight, but sleeping seven? That's usually, but sometimes no, because if I wake up in the middle of the night and I am moving around meditating or whatever for one hour, now all of a sudden I have two hours in bed. So I don't really want to count that one.
• 18:22
  The other game changer for me, which I haven't been following this rule and my sleep's been suffering, is the 9 to 9. So the goal is like 9 p.m. Or even 8 to 8 is a really good one. Like I have kids, so I put the kids to bed. I really should just be off the phone after the kids go down.
• 18:39
  and I don't touch it till 8 a.m. because it's really a drug, right? I mean, we can look at our screen usage and the dopamine hit, the fires in our brain and all of this. Well, let me make a distinction on that because you went to an absolute, you went to a vodka drinker. So you say, I have to be off the phone by 8 p.m.
• 18:58
  And I would say, no, it depends. It depends. If you are having a great conversation with someone that you really like and it fills up your curiosity bucket or your growth bucket or your relationship bucket, then fuck it. Why not? But if you are just jerking off with social media, that's a different story. Totally agree. If you are just watching clips of Taylor Swift, that's a different story. Dude, I have a deep bond with her. She's in my dream. Yeah.
• 19:28
  We're pretty connected. I think that it depends what you're doing. It's like saying drinking liquids is bad. It's like, well, what kind of liquid? Is it coffee? Is it alcohol? Is it water? It's a good clarification. I generally, I still look at it a little bit as the phone for me is kind of the same reason I don't have chocolate and sweets in my house. If I had it in my house. You have an addiction. Yeah. Yeah.
• 19:52
  Do you use the app that I recommend to you, Burnout Body? I have it, but I haven't set it up yet. Hey, don't forget, subscribe now for negative 5% off. You pay more if you subscribe with Peter and Pablo at Burnout Body.
• 20:06
  So Burnabody, use the promo code. I get 0% off to get 0% off. I love the app. The app is great. It's awesome. You have a strict mode that in order to unlock whatever you are locked in a strict mode, you have to tap the phone. I think that is 200 times, basically. Wow. So there is a possibility. Do you feel like a drug addict when you're tapping? Like...
• 20:31
  Gotta get it now. Yeah, it's very cool. It's very good to be like, oh, okay, I'm tapping 200 times. What is so important about this? Dude, it's so great to just put some friction. Because I have the Apple one that just says, you know, use it for a minute, 15 minutes or a day. I've got too hard of an addiction. I need to up the friction. Yeah, because you said like, okay, skip for today, right? Papa, look at me. I want the pain. I want it. You have the app. I don't know why you're not doing it.
• 21:00
  Yeah, I should. How long have you used it? I've been on and off, but I think I had it for a year and a half, maybe? This looks great, man. This looks really good. But for example, when we are on the trip, WhatsApp is the main method of communication. And I don't really want WhatsApp to be cut off at 9 p.m. because there's still conversations. So I had to unlock it.
• 21:27
  The thing on WhatsApp and the trip I look at is most of our communication is the group you're with. Because the point I agree with and disagree at the same time would be I'm trying to be more diligent about just going to have the in-person experiences. Because that's what you need, right?
• 21:47
  Yeah, correct. That's what you need. You realize in-person is better for you than online. It's not that I dislike the in-person. I like the in-person. But me as an introvert... I just hate people. Being with so many people is just draining. And there's so many people, so many different energies, so many different goals that people have in that same conversation. And that is not the place that I really shine. You do, right? You are...
• 22:13
  You go here, here, there, there, there, connect with everyone. And that's what fills up your bucket. Mine would get drained with that. It's funny. Post-COVID, I think I'm more introverted. What I would encourage was if somebody's introverted, it's their... Then I don't know what was happening before COVID because... Oh, dude, I was pure like solo. I need to be everywhere.
• 22:35
  Dude, in high school, everybody, like, joked because if on a Friday night, I would go hit three or four parties. And I say this not to say I'm cool. I say it's, like, it's kind of pathetic. Like, I was in such a FOMO, like, gotta see everyone. Gotta go everywhere. I could drive. I did a victory lap in kindergarten with my triple brother and sister. So I was 16, like, three, four months into high school. So I could drive everywhere, all of high school, which is rare. I was super old for the grade. But...
• 23:03
  That basically meant that I could just pop in and out. And most of these kids would get dropped off at one place by their parents, freshman year, and then picked up. And I developed this terrible habit of just, you'd go here from 7 to 7.30 and here from 8.30 to 8, you know, 9.15, and then here from 9.15 to 10. And I think that's, I'm finally unwiring it post-COVID, to answer your question. Like, I had a bad habit of trying to do too much in one night. And then you don't do anything.
• 23:29
  For me, that would not be healthy. I would not want to do that. For me, that would be hurting myself. For you, I definitely see you getting recharged with all that. I'm definitely recharged by people. And I think everyone, even introverts, introverts oftentimes it's their people, right? It's that one, two people or a group of three or four, a group of two or three. What I'm challenging is, obviously, we live in a digital world. People's friends live across the country, across the world. But...
• 23:58
  The more you can store up the time and crank on the important work schedule, then you can really prioritize trying to go see them for a weekend or see them one night a week. And I fully agree. If I'm having an amazing conversation in person, keep letting it roll.
• 24:14
  you know, until I'm really losing my brain or realizing. I do struggle a little bit on the keeping conversation rolling that's purely a chat group or... Phone call is kind of different. Like if I think of the spectrum, there's in-person's ideal. Phone call is like still great in the middle. Digital for me, there's just high risk. I get pulled into other stuff on the phone. I'm weak. It's a drug.
• 24:37
  That's one of the challenges. Maybe your burnout buddy code Pablo and Peter. A hundred percent that that will really help you. But I don't understand. You said group chats and you talk about that like as if it's a negative. For me, it is. Remove yourself from the groups. I'll go a day. Like today, I haven't really been on my phone. So I'll go a day and I won't look at any of them.
• 24:57
  And if I look at my phone post, say, 8 p.m., then it's almost like a to-do. I just start going through them. And they're entertaining. Okay. And I actually had this discussion just earlier today, right, about I don't watch TV and I don't really watch movies. And I was being told, like, well, you're an idiot and you're different and this is part of our culture. So we got into kind of deeper and they're like, well, it's entertaining. And like these group chats for me, they are entertaining. Some of them are like my best friends, right? I want to have those for the rest of my life.
• 25:25
  It's more of these larger ones that are just, you know, they're kind of like a form of like pornography. They're just like stimulating your mind and you're getting like this, this kick where I don't think it's actually good for us. Masturbator. Masturbator.
• 25:40
  Both, yes. Both were true in high school. You said sleep is really important. You're trying to get from roughly six... 622 to seven. To seven. Average a night. You have noticed that your app, sponsored by Pablo and Peter, has really helped you because you can block different modes and you're blocking them and then you have to do your addict scratch your neck 200 times to get in.
• 26:03
  Yeah, the app is a good hack. Living in the time zone where most of the people that I interact with is also a great hack. Finding what is the right time for my body to go to sleep, that is also a great hack. I don't really struggle with eating late at night or any of that stuff. How far do you eat before you sleep? What's your time?
• 26:24
  We usually have dinner at 6, 6.30. And if I am in bed, 9.30, 10, 10.30. So that's not a problem. I think that for me, it's much more about the identity, changing the identity, changing the internal dialogue of...
• 26:40
  I struggle with the sleep type of dialogue. I am not a good sleeper to, I am a professional sleeper. Yeah. So to me, it's more about that. And that's what I am working and carving with my chisel and hammer, carving the new identity. I think there is much more about that. That's deep. And I think it's a really powerful shift to say, I have energy. I'm a good sleeper. Yeah. I'm a great sleeper. I'm a professional sleeper. I have great energy.
• 27:08
  You were saying I'm a horrible sleeper. You flipped it. Yeah, exactly. Now I'm great. Everything that we are saying with this mental dialogue is bullshit. So at least I want to tell a very, very good, positive bullshit to myself. You're totally right. It's just a story that's been created that didn't actually exist. That's in our, you know, that we're creating from nothing. It's a story. It's a story. So I prefer to have a good story rather than a bad one.
• 27:32
  And the last one is you were living in Europe, traveling to the Americas often. I wouldn't say traveling to the U.S. often. I would, even though, of course, traveling to the U.S. had a big impact with the jet lag. But it's more about most of the people that I interact with, they are in the Americas time zone. So being in the same time zone, game changer. And you fixed the root problem. You moved yourself to that time zone.
• 27:54
  But when you were traveling, you did find an over-the-counter sleep aid that would help because of our buddy who's a doctor who said, just use this, right? So the idea with that sleep aid, that drug, which again is over-the-counter, even though, of course, it's not recommended to be using that all the time or anything like that. But at the beginning, I said, hey, how do you do with the jet lag because you are traveling here from the West Coast to the East Coast? He's like, I just have this little pill.
• 28:18
  And I'm like, oh, I don't want to take any drugs. And he's like, well, anything that you do is a trade-off. So yes, you're coming from Europe. Right now, you're going to have massive jet lag. It's up to you. You're going to be sleeping like shit for the next five days. Or you take this pill. It's going to knock you out. You're going to sleep incredible for eight hours. And yes, it is a little bit of drug. But which drug do you prefer? The drug of not sleeping or the drug that is going to help you sleep? I'm like, oh, fuck, you're right.
• 28:45
  And if you flip it from the drug to just say, which brain damage do you prefer? You're going to be brain damaged from this. Oh, my gosh. Or you're going to have some brain damage potentially from this drug, right? Changing the chemicals or some issue we don't know about today. So, yes, you're not brain damage. Which one's going to be less is a neat way to think of it.
• 29:05
  Yeah, so that's what I do. What about you, to summarize it? I try and do a 8 to 8 or 9 to 9, like 12 hour, you're off phones. I always keep it in the bathroom. That was a big change, was it can't be near my bed for a lot of reasons. Not by the bed, so it's in the bathroom, 12 to 12. Set the alarm to go to bed, not to wake up. You set an alarm at whatever to kick off your routine and boom, you just go into your routine.
• 29:30
  When you can't fall asleep and you wake up, two things, flip it. I'm staying up all night. You can't prevent me, Peter. And then meditation, right? Go into the breathing. You win either way with meditation. Doing them together is a one-two punch. I don't know that one of them worked incredibly well, but when I kind of take away a shield by saying you can't fall asleep and then like I've broken through my shield of my shitty story I'm telling myself, then I can hit it with a one-two punch with meditation.
• 29:57
  Those are the big ones. And then no screens use the... Plenty of friends make fun of me and say I'm getting scammed, but I love these three-layered orange glasses. The first layer is just yellow when you use in the afternoon. The second layer you use as it gets dark. And the third layer, I put that on when it's close to bedtime, an hour or two before. I feel... I mean, I don't drink alcohol. I feel drunk. Like I'm just...
• 30:18
  I'm just, it knocks my mind on a different level. And I forgot those in Vegas, right? So we're in Vegas and it's the opposite. I think that's part of what got me was it just shifted me from, I was on a good routine. I really was good at blocking the artificial light that wakes us up and stimulates our brain like the sun to like, okay, none of it to boom.
• 30:39
  Vegas never sleeps. I mean, it is bright light everywhere all the time in a crazy way. The final thing on the sleep I remember really being off was, and it ties in a little bit, I think, to this energy and some of what we're saying was we were off by the mountains, had an awesome house, deep conversations, deep growth. It felt like we were just in a desert with a small group of amazing friends. Really great experience, really great energy. Yeah, sleep wasn't great.
• 31:04
  Then we went in to do a dinner at a restaurant. And something happened when I got there. I was like, oh, I just had these terrible feelings. Like, I'm poor. I don't like these people. I don't like my life. Just like everything hit me with just bad, just bad thoughts flooding my mind.
• 31:22
  And I remember sitting there and the window looked straight out at the Vegas Strip. All the lights, all the hotels, all the stuff. And I didn't connect the dots, but it was so funny because after dinner, I felt so off at that dinner, the restaurant or something shifted me. But I think I slept the worst that night.
• 31:39
  That was my worst night of sleep. Wow. Yeah, I did not feel that in that restaurant. And I think that the theory was that my back was facing the big window. So I was just looking at the interior of the private room that we were having the dinner. You were in front of me, so you were having all this stimulation in front of you. What I definitely felt is the new kind of people around us. That is much more gambly type of people.
• 32:08
  And this is something that hits me in a deep way of, you know, I went to Vegas quite, I remember I went three times in three months in my 20s. And, you know, I look back and I look at now and I think what has changed, at least me in that place, part of me says I try and flip it, right? It's a beautiful place, right? It's, you can be anything and anyone and you can make a bunch of money and all of these, and there's this great entertainment and all of it. So that's the positive, right? That's, you know,
• 32:35
  This fear is this magical entertainment circle and lights, all of this. The other side is, think about it. It's a place that says they, quote, never sleep. Well, that's not possible. You destroy yourself by not sleeping. Step two, people say they're rich. Well, you act rich, right? Or you think you can get rich by going to casinos and one out of a hundred crush it or one out of a thousand or one out of a million. I don't know the numbers. And the other 99.9% end up losing a lot of money. Yeah.
• 33:02
  End up way worse than they were before, right? People go there, act like they're single and are, you know, going to strip clubs, going to prostitutes, whatever it is. Those actions are all not who they are. So it's what I'm tying back to some of our points on drugs and other things.
• 33:19
  it's trying to stimulate another feeling. Let's say I don't have enough energy because I didn't sleep or I was on screens before bed. I wake up, I use a stimulant to try and be someone else. Boom. I'm feeling better, right? I've solved it, is what we tell ourselves. Same thing with chasing things in Las Vegas. I hate my life.
• 33:40
  okay, well, here I can be someone else and I've solved it, right? Like I can put $1,000 down and turn into $100,000 solved. Or here's a girl that tells me I'm great, you know, and I pay her. These are not solutions. These are temporary chasing symptoms, right? Chasing temporary solutions without addressing the root problem. And I think for me, I'm no saint. I've, you know, made a ton of mistakes. I'm always learning. It brings me to this realization of,
• 34:08
  I don't want to be around people that are doing that. I don't want to spend energy in places that attract that. It's just not where I am right now or where I'm trying to focus. And I spent plenty of my life in this denial or trying to be something else or wanting to feel rich and not the poor kid Peter. That's not attractive to me anymore.
• 34:27
  I had a meeting with my coach and we were talking about, I mentioned about Vegas. She's like, yeah. When I've been there, the amount of demons that I saw walking around like I've never seen before. And I was like, holy shit, wow.
• 34:40
  I don't think I'll go back for 215 years. No, here's the hack, I would say. Imagine that there is another conference and you're like, oh, we want to go there, et cetera, et cetera. It's like, yeah, but we are not staying in the street. I was just going to say the same thing. I'm not going to stay there. Fuck that. And you're right, because I'm kind of going to an absolute. I'm not going back for 215 years. I'm a cranky old man. You're avoiding the absolute and saying...
• 35:02
  whoa, this is an event that's going to be amazing or a group of people coming from around the world that are amazing. It's one of the largest hotel places for conventions in the world. I think the largest, potentially. So why don't I just do it my own way? Why don't I create my own path? Yeah. But then, okay, let's just keep flipping this. What kind of incredible, spectacular conference is happening in a hotel? And why are we going to it?
• 35:26
  Seriously, that you really want to go. For example, I want to go and see Metallica in the sphere. Okay, that happens in the sphere. It doesn't happen in a hotel. I do not need to stay in the hotel. And it just happens for one night. I just go there, get the fuck out. What kind of conference do I want to go? Do you want to go? Like a real estate conference?
• 35:47
  The good cap rates are at the real estate conferences. The largest real estate conference in the world is going on right now in Vegas, by the way. There you go. There you go. I'm going to get a killer cap rate deal. I'm going to get rich. That makes sense. That makes sense. Where else do you want to do it? Right there.
• 36:03
  Yeah, man. I mean, it's a deeper level, too. I have hundreds of the placards, little signed badges from conferences in my business. Conferences were how we generated most of our clients. I agree. Me too, of course. But we're not doing that, right?
• 36:20
  And that's my point. I also don't want to feel like that again. That wasn't a good phase of life. But there is a different phase and that is extremely transactional. I think that Vegas is transactional. It's maybe the biggest place. You go to Vegas is to transact in all shapes and forms. It's real. Fuck you, Vegas. See you next life.
• 36:41
  You gave me brain damage. You gave me a little bit of a good time. I hate you. I feel also we felt a lot of contrast because we were coming from the house that is not in the street but having an incredible time with incredible people. And then all of a sudden, all this addiction just hit us in the face. It's like, whoa, this is...
• 36:58
  I think you're right. Also, I think the second event we went to has some incredible people, but there's also a good amount of transactional people. It has 10% of the people are incredible, that are more thoughtful, deep, and then 90% is transaction. Yeah, and I think versus the flip, right, where we're spending 90% transformational, 10% transactional the first part.
• 37:19
  New venue, new location, new set of people, transactional, 90%, 10% transformational. And not only that, again, everyone else around, even the people that were not in that conference. Yeah. Everyone else. You're walking, there is sola, how do you say, facade? Facade. Facade. It's all a show. I mean, that's the interesting thing, right? You have some of the most incredible shows in the world, whether it's Metallica or things of the sphere or these stages. It's almost everyone's part of the show there.
• 37:46
  If you're sitting in a slot machine, you're part of the show. You have this belief you're going to become rich because of this life. Okay, disgusting. Let's move on. Okay, good. Next, what is the hat in your list? Friends, wives, feminine versus masculine energy. I find it super interesting that many of the men I've known, and myself, Pablo, you as well, in these relationships, will play a feminine energy, or let's use it in the Eastern Chinese sense of the word, which would be defined as...
• 38:15
  Non-committal, go with the flow, not have clear thought. Being really supportive, worried about others' feelings, your emotions, versus the masculine, more finite, direct, specific, looking to a result. I know that a lot of these guys that we were with, you could hear this pushback. I mean, I can remember at least three, four, five, talking about essentially how they were just trying to ask for permission to come to this event.
• 38:43
  trying to get away from their home, their family, their kids, their wife. And it felt as if they were trying to get off the leash or trying to get this freedom. You see that in a relationship where you're feeling stuck trying to be something else. That would be another kind of feminine. You're supporting someone else.
• 39:01
  So I think it's interesting we can use Vegas as an example of this event. We can also just go broader. And it's fascinating to me. I see it as a theme with men who are extremely masculine in their professional role. They're dominating their life. They're dominating their business. They're dominating this industry. They're changing it up. And then at home, it's a whole different ballgame. And myself, I was an example of that. You got to tie it up in a way of like to kick off the discussion. Why don't we both talk about our journeys in this path?
• 39:29
  I'm going to start with my assumption from a foundational point of view, and then we can build on from that. So I believe that in a male-female relationship, we all have masculine and feminine energy, but in that male-female relationship, only one person.
• 39:48
  party can have the predominant masculine energy and the other party has the predominant feminine energy. That is how we get balanced. And most of the times, I have not really seen others, but from a nature point of view, the male is the one that has the predominant masculine energy and the woman is the one that has the predominant feminine energy.
• 40:12
  That's from a natural point of view. In the natural state, that's how it works. That's my assumption. That's what I have been discovering in this lifetime. And that's how we work in a very stable, coordinated, balanced way between the two of us. And just to clarify for the keyboard warriors, you know or you've seen relationships where the female is in her masculine or driving the masculine energy. Is that correct?
• 40:40
  Yes, yes. I have not really seen examples, and I am sure that they exist, where that couple felt in love, the woman being the person that is bringing the predominant masculine energy, and the man being the person that is bringing the predominant feminine energy. In a natural state, they felt in love. If you say, like, why were you in love? Or tell me the characteristics of
• 41:03
  your current husband, but when you guys met, what did you love so much about? And usually it's about, oh, I feel very, I felt very safe around him. His strength, his certainty. I was able to calm down and I just love being with that kind of presence. That's usually what a woman would say. And again, I am not talking about what do you think, what you would like in the future. No, no, no. Just go to the past. What were the characteristics that you felt in love with?
• 41:32
  It's so fascinating when you're saying this, because I always say, yeah, you know, I, I know great examples of family and friends that, I mean, these are amazing women, right? That are kind of driving the couple, but I wouldn't say any of them as I, as I'm just thinking through my little in of one, right? My example of friends and relationships at five to 10 groups, none of them I would say are thriving down the road. Sorry. What? Say it again.
• 41:57
  I was just thinking, you know, in a business group that we were part of as well as friends, family, just five to ten examples I have where it's clear that the woman brings the masculine energy. She's driving the show, maybe major breadwinner, kind of the decision maker. Man, I...
• 42:13
  I have like three, four family members across multiple generations. Plus none of those relationships are thriving. Like let's say they've been together or they're married with kids. It's 10 years in. Because I think falling in love is just, we all put some rosy glasses on and he or she seem amazing, even if they're terrible for us, terrible in general, whatever. It's, I think it's more interesting to look five, 10 years out. And I don't know if that's just a poor sample size.
• 42:36
  No, because I would say that the falling in love part is the most important part to understand how our energies are aligned in their natural state. Of course, you may have crazy shitty examples, but most of us, most normal people, when you look back and you say, okay, what?
• 42:56
  I am not really having a very good relationship right now with my spouse. Things are, these things do not feel right. Okay, good. That sucks, but okay, let's just analyze it then. Go back 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago when you guys met. What were the things that you really loved about your spouse? What were the characteristics? And most of the time, the woman would say, I love how masculine. And again, I start naming all these different characteristics of the masculine energy.
• 43:24
  And the man would say the same thing, but for the woman on a feminine energy. And then over time, and then we can speak about why this happens, then things get inverted. And then you look at those couples, you can see it. The man is all hunched over. The woman has like the voice is deeper than Tony Robbins' voice. It's like such a masculine voice that they develop. And they are...
• 43:52
  They are leading the family. They are the people in charge. They, and you can even see when they are walking.
• 43:58
  The woman is walking in front of the man. The man is just walking slowly. And what tends to happen, and I am putting everyone on the same basket here, but it's kind of like this. The woman becomes the mom. The man becomes the kid. The man needs to, the man, the kid, needs to ask permission to mom to see if they can go to an event for the event that they want to go to attend to better themselves. What the fuck are we talking about? You are 60 years old. That's deep, man. You're 50 years old. You're 40 years old. What's going on here?
• 44:27
  I'll flip it back to myself. Three things that came to mind were, one, I haven't seen the voice changes, but I've seen like very stressed women. I'm just saying I haven't in my own. The voice, just pay attention. It's insane. The second was when you think about the masculine, right, and why women want it. This is what gets me going.
• 44:44
  And there's two examples. The first was something I saw this morning where it said, I hate happy wife, happy life. And I've said this to you before in this video clip. Start with that. I was like, this is interesting. It said, that puts the man in a position of trying to be subservient to every wish that comes from a woman's mind. And it doesn't matter what relationship, business partnership, you never want to have a fully subservient everything you want. And he said, I propose we adjust it to happy spouse, happy house. Right?
• 45:13
  And in this concept, each spouse is trying to help the other one find their true self and be content. And if both sides are attempting that effort, it lifts up the relationship. I thought that's an interesting change. But specifically on the masculine side, have you heard about this Carnegie medal that's given? So Andrew Carnegie was a billionaire around 1900.
• 45:32
  made like the largest steel company ever when steel was, you know, basically the AI of the time. It was like the new, truly foundational aspect to building, changed the world. So he said, well, I want to give away all my money. So he said, I'm going to give a good chunk of change to anyone who saves a stranger's life in America or Canada. Anyone. But it has to be a stranger and a sign of heroism, right? And rewarding them for that heroic act they didn't expect to get anything. Guess how many people have been rewarded that in 100 years? And then guess how many are women
• 46:02
  What percentage are women and what percentage are men? I would say that the split is 90% men, 10% women. And I would say that how many medals? How many years? Like 1903 or something early 1900s. So I would say 100 medals. 10,000 medals. Okay. 90-10 split. Okay, 90-10. You nailed it. Shocking, shocking. I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the nature.
• 46:24
  Well, and I heard this and I thought, holy cow, this goes so against this whole toxic masculinity. I don't understand what that means or what that's saying. This concept of you're a woman, you want to feel you can be protected and saved by this man, that he can be a source of stability and protection, right? Serve in two roles to protect and provide. It's like, I can understand that. I have daughters now. It's like,
• 46:46
  I want that for them in their relationship as well. I try to be that for them as a father. I last night had a little tiny girl, baby girl going, I'm so scared. And I said, you're safe in this house. I will protect you. You don't have to worry. And you saw her relax. And then woke up. She's scared. She's on me at night. Right. She's cuddling next to me, coming in our room. And I get her to calm. Then I carry her back to her bed. That is an honor and a privilege to be able to provide and try and do that for her.
• 47:12
  And I hope to support her in a way that she searches for that in a partner and feels enough safety and security to want to seek that out. And then if you take this to the extreme, right? Okay, people can say, Peter, you're horrible, blah, blah, blah. Let's go to an extreme. There's a fire in the house. I have a couple little girls. Am I so fat I can't carry the kids out? Am I, you know, so weak I can't throw two of them on my shoulders and get the heck out of this house? There's something imbalanced, right, when the man is so weak
• 47:41
  Mentally, physically, which those oftentimes come in pairs, right? That they're not able to provide protection to their family. And I think that's deeply felt in the core of a wife, daughters, even a son at these younger ages. And it really breaks a family. It breaks the dynamic.
• 47:56
  couple of disagreements that I have with the happiness thing. To me, the happiness is each other's person's job, number one. If one person is not happy with themselves, it doesn't matter what you really do most of the time because it's their job to say, you know what, I want to change this and I'm going to take action on this. The other part that I think that people use, which is a horrendous mistake, is they use this term compromise. In a sense,
• 48:20
  And they say it in the following ways. Well, you know, in a marriage, you need to compromise. Kind of like we need to meet in the middle. You know, we need to negotiate. And I say, fuck that. Because what are you compromising? What are you negotiating? And to me, to keep life super simple, there are two types of things that we have individually. We have non-negotiables and we have nice-to-haves.
• 48:45
  So nice to have our preferences and non-negotiables are exactly what it says. No, I'm not going to negotiate this. This is part of who I am and I am not going to bend who I am to satisfy anyone. This is who I am. This is what I want in my life, period. And in my opinion, those non-negotiables are not much.
• 49:05
  There are three, five, not many. And we have non-negotiables personally. We have also non-negotiables in a relationship. So understanding what those non-negotiables are, critical for our success. Because when people say we need to compromise, most likely what they are saying is, I am so weak that I don't have clarity on my non-negotiables and therefore I am negotiating what I really want in life. With my spouse, which should be the biggest fun that anyone should have.
• 49:33
  Our spouse should be our biggest fan and we should be the biggest fan of our spouse, period. So if I understand my spouse needs this as a non-negotiable to be the best version of herself, I should be so fucking happy to be able to support that, whatever that means.
• 49:50
  Now, I get that the challenge would be when there is a massive conflict. Let's say that one person, just to keep it super simple, one person says, for me, a non-negotiable is, I want to live in this house for the rest of my life because it holds so many good memories. And here's where I want to build a family. And I just want to go to the same place on vacation for the rest of my life. And that's what I want. And then you have another person that is like...
• 50:15
  I want to travel the world. I've been traveling the world and I feel that my spirit, my soul needs to be moving around for me to be fulfilling my purpose in life. So two people, two different purpose, totally contradictory. One person will need to give up or both people will need to compromise, whatever we call it, this and loosen, loosen a scenario. But besides that random example, I just go back to if you're saying that you are compromising, like I need to compromise and we need to...
• 50:43
  kind of like we need to negotiate, I would say you are full of shit and you are shooting yourself on the foot because you are negotiating your non-negotiables. So as an example, a non-negotiable for a person can be, I always want to be learning. I always want to be growing.
• 51:00
  I do this all the time. I do this when I wake up, when I am on a walk, when I am on the gym. I attend to conference because I want to get exposed to new ideas. And that's how I feel that I am fulfilling my purpose in life. One of my purposes in life. Great. Fantastic. Then one day you get married. You have kids. Don't have kids. Doesn't matter. And then you just keep traveling. You're going to these events, these conferences. And then your wife eventually starts telling you, hey, hey, you're spending too much time outside of the house.
• 51:30
  Hey, hey, what? You don't love us? Hey, hey. Or whatever way they say it. And now all of a sudden you start feeling guilty about it. And then all of a sudden you start, you know what? I don't really want to fight. Therefore, I'm just going to give up on my dreams a little bit and I'm going to stay. Then you start building up resentment. Then you start hating the other person.
• 51:49
  But in fact, what you are doing is you are hating yourself for not having the balls, for not having the self-awareness, for not having the courage to sit down and have the conversation. So like, hey, I understand that you would prefer that I'm here. This is the reason why I go there to these places. This is what I need in my life. This is what I want in my life and has nothing to do with you or the family or this or that.
• 52:11
  And this is where many of us fail. And then we start fighting and then everything escalates and then everything ends up in a bad way. It can be that relationship ends. It can be that the relationship ends or it can be that we still stick together. But in fact, we really don't want to. And in fact, I can't wait until the kids go out of the house so then I can make the decision. So I think that all this can be solved very easily.
• 52:34
  By understanding what are your non-negotiables and everything else is nice to have. So how to do this? Just sit down with yourself. You can even use one of the AIs to have a conversation about this to figure out what are your non-negotiables. And the non-negotiables are not current desires. You need to find the underlying, you can start there, but you have to find the underlying theme.
• 52:59
  on the things that you like doing, that you enjoy doing. Because those things, I believe that those things are with us for a very, very long time. Decades, maybe the whole life, maybe previous lives. And figure out what those are, it's fundamental so we can live a life of alignment. Unless we respect ourselves, we're not going to get respect from other people.
• 53:19
  I love it, man. I think coming back to kind of your initial response, you had said, you know, the happy spouse, happy house. I actually agree with that statement. I don't love the word happy. I'll call it peaceful spouse, peaceful house. You jumped into how to get them. I'm not saying I would want to or advising. We agree with each other. I'm just clarifying for people to understand.
• 53:40
  I'm actually, I'm a fan and student of Carl Jung and his individuation process, which I've talked to you about a lot. But it's actually getting them into the dark side from their light that allows them to grow and find their peacefulness.
• 53:53
  Right. So I'm not saying succumb to whatever they ask or that the man should do that for the woman, the woman for the man. Not that at all. It's actually supporting them as they go into the journey in the dark caves within their own hearts and souls to discover, shine light on that area and become more of a whole person, whole soul and be in alignment. So let's be really specific as an example. An example might be.
• 54:15
  Hey, honey, do you want to be on your phone late at night? You know, you've had that issue with pornography or social media or not sleeping and then being really mad all day at everyone, right? That's just a question that might aggravate them, right? That might help them. But you as a spouse are supporting them on this journey, you know, to go down this road. Another example, tying it back to, let's say, Las Vegas is...
• 54:37
  hey, I'm going to this event, right? Your partner says, I don't want you to go. Well, now they've made a decision. They're choosing to be in a location wherever you call home. You're choosing to be in a different location. Both of you have the option to stay with the other. You know, one stay with the other, the other go with the other. Each person's choosing to not be with them. And I think it's where I see a lot of struggle is,
• 54:58
  The partner, the girlfriend, boyfriend, whoever that wants to leave is viewed as wrong just because they're in a different location. And identifying that is coming back to your point. They're in alignment. They're actually in the right place. They're in the place they're supposed to be. The other partner may be in the place they're supposed to be, staying home. Or the other partner says, you know what? I might enjoy this thing. Let me tag along.
• 55:18
  But agreeing with your point, if someone's too scared to say, I need this, this is where I'm supposed to be. I've thought about it. I know it. I feel it. This is where I need to be. It's funny. We're saying Las Vegas. Let's say whatever. This amazing conference event purpose. That is so important that they get it. And I'm flipping your initial appointment of, I think in a lot of relationships, you actually need to encourage and allow your partner to suffer.
• 55:43
  to go through the hard time, to grow into their peaceful self or their best self. And that's part of your role is not stopping that, not preventing that or trying to fix their problems for them. A lot of the guys, right, we just want to fix the problem. We want to be Mr. Fix-It. Well, sometimes our girlfriend, our wife, our partner needs to feel that pain to want to change, right? The no pain, no game. Like, why do I keep fixing it if it keeps happening? Oh, I'm the root problem.
• 56:08
  I need to support them on this journey, allow them to suffer a little bit to get there. And that's a different spin on how to get there and how to get them to their most peaceful place. And I look at a lot of these houses you go in where you're like, man, this is a peaceful place. There's been a lot of suffering, probably on both sides, to arrive at that peace. It wasn't peace arrived, they got to a peaceful. It was suffering led them to the peace and finding themselves. It's important to...
• 56:35
  Maybe for many people that are going to be watching this is that in many cases, especially men that have been that have built a very successful business and they've been traveling a lot all over the USA, maybe abroad because of their business. What happens when your business is not the excuse anymore? Because...
• 56:56
  Yeah, at the beginning, you know, you are traveling and you are providing. And maybe you go from a small house to a bigger house. And now you have a better car. And it makes sense, right? Your wife is able to see, okay, this is good. This is great. He's able to go and provide. But what happens when you already hit the jackpot? You are not really bringing anything new. And you use the excuse of work to travel. What do you do now?
• 57:25
  And this is where I think that it's important. Just go back and be sincere with yourself. Why are you going to these places? What is underneath? What is your non-negotiable? Now, there can be definitely the possibility that it's like, I'm just going to Vegas because there is a conference and you...
• 57:40
  I just don't want to be at home. Okay, dude, get sincere. Get honest. Why you don't want to be at home? What is the problem that you're not able to resolve? This is where I see the men that are so beat up, where the world is at war, right? You're at war to get the deal. You're at the war to get the raise, to sell your business, to grow your business. You're at war, right? When you come home, you want to be at peace.
• 58:02
  And if you come home to another war, you're spending 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 days at war. Our bodies and our minds are not made to feel that lack of stability. And this isn't blame on a husband or wife. If anything, when I experienced this in our relationship, it was my own fault for not being in alignment, communicating that as you recommended to be clear on what I needed or how I needed it.
• 58:27
  or encouraging my partner to communicate that. And that's what creates the war. And that's what creates, in my opinion, the wedge between two people. Because ideally, they are united. They're a united front to war against the challenging world that we live in. And I think that for that, there has to be a lot of internal self-awareness and being connected with what we want in life, who we are and what we want in life. Because...
• 58:55
  If I don't really understand this, if I am unhappy with my life and you are very happy and in fact, you have a growth mindset and you like going to events to better yourself and I don't, and I see that you get fucking excited every time that you go away, I won't like that because I am miserable here. This is the interesting part about misery, right? When we are miserable, we don't keep it to ourselves. We like to share it with everyone. Generous.
• 59:21
  They're very generous. That's good. Yeah, what is it? Like, misery has many bedfellows or something like that. You bring everybody into it. Okay, sleeping. Game changer, the most powerful shift in my sleep, was going deep, deep down a rabbit hole. So I've read a bunch of books on sleeping. I have three specifically around Jaws. I was a big snorer. Do you snore? Have you ever snored? When I'm very tired.
• 59:48
  Really? That's fascinating. All night you snore if you were really tired? I don't know. I don't think that all night, I don't think that all night like my old grandfather
• 59:57
  Okay, so think of this. Ready for a flip? If we were living in the wild, what would happen if we were snoring? Get killed. There we go. So that alone is like, is a truth. Oh, we're not supposed to snore. Now I can go into all of the science and everything that's happening and I can like briefly touch on it. But that alone is a, wait a minute, the bear, the, you know, XYZ animal would come and eat us. We'd be so loud.
• 1:00:19
  We're by definition. Not only that, just bring it a little bit closer. If you are in a war at night and you're hiding, like, well, do you really want to be making noise? Whatever the predator, the predator is another man. It's an animal, depending on where we are. But that's one truth. Then I read by Brian Nestor's Breathe. And Brian referenced, I like met and did some sessions with a woman he referenced in the book in New York. She's been doing it for 40 years. And there's this thing called the Alexander Method. And...
• 1:00:48
  lineage of all these guys. And it really led me to an interesting pediatric dentist, or a dentist. He traveled the world with his wife to look at people's mouths. And he'd go to the Africans 100 years ago, where they ate their normal diet. And then he'd find the Africans 30 miles away that were eating Western diets. Guess who had perfect teeth? Guess who didn't snore? Guess who was in good health? The people that ate the McDonald's and the Doritos, those have great health, great jaws.
• 1:01:16
  Extra red 40, the dye that's carcinogenic. It just keeps you strong, especially your mouth. And then in these books they talk about, you can see the skulls from 1,000, 5,000 years ago. Typically, they looked beautiful. No crooked teeth. They didn't have braces. Why do we need braces? This all comes to root cause versus symptoms. Well, the root cause is when we're not chewing actual food, our upper palate starts to collapse, and our tongue has nowhere to go, so it kind of gets pushed backwards.
• 1:01:44
  The same thing happens with shoes and with the arch of our feet, which you love that topic. Completely. That's it. We'll save that for another day. So my upper arch of my mouth is collapsing. It's narrowing. My tongue has nowhere to go. I start snoring. So I go deep down this because no one's saying it, but I started to feel a little bit foggy in my brain. I didn't feel like my sleep was as good even if I slept long. All of these things fell off and...
• 1:02:08
  Oh, man, I should have brought down all my stuff. Maybe we can add a little bit. But one of the nicknames for it is a jaw bra. It basically goes around here and straps around the top and has a hole for your ears. It just keeps your jaw closed. A lot of people are going to comment, Peter, why aren't you using mouth tape? I did. I used mouth tape for three years, and I'd wake up with the adhesive in my mouth. I don't know. Is that... Wait, are you saying that the adhesive is not very good for your twin chest? Yes.
• 1:02:34
  It may not be, but it's too good not to. All right, just lick it, you know? Like, you know, I'll just get the stamps out and just lick them. You're such a tinfoil hat person. Unbelievable. What could go wrong with just licking the adhesive every night? Licking the adhesive. It's like paint chips as a kid. They were just too good not to eat, right? You just prick them off the side of the building and, you know, pop them in. So I start wearing this thing, and holy cow, my sleep. I just would wake up refreshed.
• 1:03:04
  Not to mention I'm not snoring anymore. Wait, let me ask you a question. So the problem that you were having is that you were with your mouth open. Yeah. I think the root problem, I would say, is the tongue had nowhere to go.
• 1:03:16
  So it was blocking, it goes backwards. So let me ask you a question. How do you prevent from clenching your teeth? Great question. I did that too. How can you do that and keep your mouth open? How can you clench your teeth and keep your mouth open? It's a great question, but I don't know. There is something that doesn't add up here. Yeah. Drop in the comments. What is not adding up? Yeah.
• 1:03:40
  he's a liar. I think it would be on and off. You'd clench. I think the clenching was especially, I was stressed at that night. I also have a poor, it's called malocclusion. My teeth don't line up well. They're off. So then your teeth are trying to find a grounded position and they're just scraping. But I didn't snore only because my mouth is open. I think it's a combination of a few factors. I don't think we're supposed to cover our mouth with mouth tape. I think it's our backup plan insurance to breathe. And I psychologically, it's almost like you're like,
• 1:04:09
  I can't talk and this isn't good. That's psychologically not good. In my jaw bra or whatever, there's other names for it. I can still open my mouth and talk. I just have pressure at the bottom. So it causes more, but it's enough pressure. I don't do it while I'm sleeping. And you can also get this little ring. It's like an O2 monitor. It's a big, big, it's actually a decent sized ring.
• 1:04:31
  It will look at your oxygen levels throughout the night. When I was snoring, and my dad has sleep apnea, he has sleep apnea, super common, his OT would crash into like 80s and 70s for extended periods of times. You're basically preventing your brain from getting oxygen. It's the equivalent of suffocating yourself. And your brain is, you know, I think a lot of this leads to
• 1:04:51
  terrible issues in your brain, right? Because it's being starved of oxygen. And I was only 20 or 30, starting to experience this, early 30s. So I got really into it. So I started using the oxygen. I started using the Jabra, game changer. Snoring stops, oxygen doesn't crash anymore. Changed my life.
• 1:05:07
  And the final thing I did was I got this training. There was kind of like a myofascial work where I would move my tongue and they would teach me how to, you know, keep my mouth closed and go, you go up, down. And it basically strengthens your tongue because you think about if we're walking wrong or we're biting or moving our tongue the wrong way, we're doing that more than anything. Breathing wrong.
• 1:05:28
  That accumulates massive damage to just basic foundational physiological health if we're not doing it the right way. So I did these classes. And I noticed all these weird things. Like when I would open my jaw, I would open it down to the left and then up on this weird path.
• 1:05:45
  So you work through recreating these paths, or I did that, Jabra, and the O2 monitor, and changed my life. And I don't feel like anyone's talking about this. Nobody had mentioned it. I hear snoring, and it's like, oh, you know, that's probably not good, but it doesn't really matter. If you hear someone is snoring, red alarm, alert, fire, we got a serious problem here. You know, Apollo 13, we're going down. That's my warning and my communication to people after, you know, three books, a bunch of specialists, and all my deep dive.
• 1:06:14
  Another thing, my best friend, he used to snore a lot. Like impossible to be sleeping in the same room with him. And he had his septum was deviated. So he got his septum fixed, stopped snoring. That's great. Yeah. But also he's the kind of person that he can sleep 10 hours a day. No problem. He sleeps on demand. Yeah. So I don't know how much was he getting affected or not.
• 1:06:40
  Well, so let's flip this. What if he could sleep on demand because his sleep was so poor with the snoring? And this is the deep thing. We may be just getting really poor quality sleep. And I think this is the beauty of all these sleep sensors and these health sensors is we can start to see this kind of stuff. Pablo's getting horrible sleep and keeps yawning. Or I'm just boring. Or both. Or I'm relaxing. Yeah.
• 1:07:03
  I'm relaxing my job. When I think about sleep, it's the foundation of health. And actually our friend who's super into health, I won't mention his name, but he's also with us in Vegas.
• 1:07:16
  Our friend who's really into health, I asked him, I said, what do you think is the most underrated piece of health? You know, he spends essentially his whole life on health. And it was so funny because he looked at me this week and he goes, people who snore and how damaging that is to your health. And it's so interesting because it's the small things that have become so common. It's kind of like drinking coffee. These small things have become so common and everyone says, well, everyone does it.
• 1:07:39
  Well, everyone snores. My grandma snores, my dad snores, I snore. It's just, it's a family thing. Or, you know, all my friends snore. All my friends drink coffee in the morning. I think not questioning these things that have become commonplace and believing because they're commonplace, they're good for me is the deep takeaway to consider and think about. Different topic. I don't want to talk about sleep anymore. Because I put you to sleep. It's just too sleepy. We got to... We spoke a lot for an hour and a half about sleep.
• 1:08:04
  No, hour and 15, for sure. Somewhere close. There you go. Oh, dude, I love that topic. I have put you to sleep. I have waking up. You're sleeping. We flipped it. If you want to hire Peter to go and come to your podcast to talk about sleep, he will pay to go. So that's a great hire. I have three great books on it that are on the sleep. Oh, no. Oh, no. Why did I speak? I'm below. I'll send him all the Pablo signed copies.
• 1:08:30
  And he's going to put them in the trash. I don't think we need to open up a new topic. I think anything else you want to wrap up on? All right. No. No, I just want to talk about... So, Charlie, this now... Or maybe we just stopped the recording. I don't know. It's about the next week. And what are we doing here?
• 1:08:47
  Well, whatever. Let's just leave it open. And Charlie, if you find any gem, then fucking put it. But if not, this is more like personal. So, Peter, you're coming next week. Thank you for being my mule. I appreciate it. I have a lot of time. Tesla twice goes, do you have Pablo's money? No, no, no. There are more things coming. But everything should fit in a small carry-on.
• 1:09:13
  And in the confines of American Bahama law, international trade law. Everything should be totally fine. Just remove the packaging. I've been jailed for 10 years. 10 years.
• 1:09:25
  Yeah, so sorry. It was just too good to skip it. Dude, don't be sorry. I'm happy to bring it. And yeah, question for you. I heard this question from someone. I can't remember. But the question is the following. If this trip, and I want that you answer from a selfish perspective, from your perspective, rather than from a f***ing perspective. If this was the best trip that you can ever have here where I'm staying, what are the things that should have happened for that to be true?
• 1:09:55
  Only one thing. The four-pack, getting close. What does that mean? You, me, and our ladies. And what does it mean, getting close for you? Just, I think I'm not putting a, I can't put data on that because it's hard to define, but I could call it, you know, comfort with each other, hopefully deep conversations. There's different strategies to achieve it, right? A comfort to where, you know, both of the girls are saying, wow, that was really fun. I enjoy our mix or whatever it was.
• 1:10:23
  And it doesn't have to mean a max amount of time, right? We've got three introverts and a Peter, right? So it's not like overwhelming because that will push it the other way. But enabling experiences, activities, conversations, dinners, you know, whatever it is that enable a closeness for people.
• 1:10:42
  You and I have hit this around the world in different ways, right? I think expanding that is very exciting to me or a very exciting opportunity and is the sole intention I have for the trip. Okay. Awesome. And if you were to ask, what would you say? You have to guess. I'd say with 90% confidence. I haven't talked about this yet.
• 1:11:01
  I just want to relax and do bougie things. What is bougie? Like super nice. Good restaurants, good beaches, you know, good massage. Like she's very much in the like rest and relaxation, you know, time without kids, no noises, just calm, quiet.
• 1:11:20
  Time without kids, she said. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She gets so jacked up about time without kids. The first two days, she's like, this is incredible. And then by day three or four, that's how I go back. And it depends on the trip. Like this one, she's going to love it. So she's going to be like, I never want to leave. But by day four, she's like, I miss my kids. Like, I need them. I'm worried about them being away, whatever. But she's just very introverted. And their loud noises make her tired. So time away helps her recharge. Yeah.
• 1:11:46
  So one important thing, you said that she likes bougie things. Here is the most casual place that you can imagine. So there is zero need. She can pack whatever the fuck she wants, right? Same with you. But there is zero need to pack anything fancy. I've got all my suits. Yeah. The blue one, the black one, the blazer. Okay. The tie, I mean, I got to wear the tie with it.
• 1:12:11
  There's no need for any of that shit. Again, do whatever you want. But if you have pickleball rackets, bring a couple. Great idea. I have two here. I don't know if you can rent. Maybe you can. But honestly, I don't have no idea. And yes, we can play some paddles, some pickleball, some football, some volleyball, beach, swimming pool, ping pong.
• 1:12:36
  Ping pong. I have ping pong paddles. We can do bowling. Dude, so excited. I don't want you to feel any burden, any obligation. Time with you and time getting the girls to know each other without kids and in a calmer place. That's all I want. But that's my only intention. How we do that can change by the day. Don't feel like you have to think about it, you know, work hard or anything like that.
• 1:13:00
  Sounds good. Any, what I want to ask you is, maybe not to you, or tell me who should I ask. Maybe it's Tessa. Tessa. What are the things that you guys want to eat, breakfast? Oh, I thought you meant for your stuff to bring. No, no, for us, man, we'll eat the stuff you eat. We just try and eat the healthiest stuff. All right, Big Mac. Good. Dude, why don't we take care of food? That's what I always love to do as guests.
• 1:13:26
  Why don't we do the food and you're hosting us? We can go get the food and handle that part. Okay, that sounds weird. But okay, we can talk about that.
• 1:13:34
  Let's talk about when we get there. Let's defer that. *** is a foodie. She loves digging into restaurants. She generally enjoys to cook. All that stuff is like her jam. All right, cool. I thought you were talking about Tessa, your stuff. I just want to make sure I bring all your stuff. Whatever. Yes. I told ***. Make sure that Peter brings everything. He's not reliable.
• 1:13:57
  So make sure that everything is packed. And she's like, don't worry. I mean, we have a group chat with the girls, with Janice and with Tessa. We got discovered. Dude, she's cool. She's really good. I enjoyed talking to her on the phone just yesterday when we were digging into the naming.
• 1:14:16
  Uh, she's really good. You'll laugh at this. I was lifting weights with my, my friend Zach yesterday. And he goes, he goes, Hey, do you have a good hair hairstylist guy? I got the best one. He's a hippie. It's just one room, you and him, no loud noises, no other people. He goes, Oh yeah, I came with you. I met him. He's great. He goes, do you have like the, the link or the website or the booking link? And I was like, no. He's like, well, how do you, I go, I've never done that. Like, I have no idea. He goes, no idea. Yeah.
• 1:14:43
  I go, zero. I never, I don't know what the place is called. I don't know the, like, I know where to walk and walk, walk in. That's it. And he was like, I need to work on that. I need to let, I need to let go of things.
• 1:14:57
  That's awesome. When I told him even that, I'm trying to set it up where every three months, she just books it. I never mention it. It just shows up on my calendar. My hair grows long about three months, except I'm taking your advice. I think I'm going to grow it out longer. I don't know if I gave you that advice, but yeah. You said, I look more like Tony Robbins. And you said, when you get older or when people's hair are thin, they wish they could grow it long. So I should do it as long as I can. I definitely said that. Yes. Yeah, definitely. Get a mullet for sure. Yeah.
• 1:15:27
  But what I was going to say, wait, wait, wait, what I was going to say. Okay, here's the push. Like, why this guy's not coming to your house and cutting the hair of everyone in your house? Oh, that's a great idea. Dude, why? That's a freaking great idea. Unless, because this is maybe from an extrovert point of view, but.
• 1:15:44
  Man, you're spending time in the car. Like, well, unless that really you really understand that. Oh, my gosh, I just love the time in my car rather than because if you're let's say that you get a haircut in your house. OK, you can use the 40 minutes that you spend driving on a walk. Yeah. Or whatever that is. It's a really good challenge. He is by bike. It'll be about four minutes away.
• 1:16:09
  And I love going there on bike. I'm really excited about that. Yeah. I don't enjoy going there by car, but that's only one haircut a year when it's cold enough that I can't go on bike. Yeah. Okay. Just for you to check. For me, it would be like, no, can I come here? Because I don't like going and cut my hair whatsoever.
• 1:16:30
  Yeah, it's a good challenge. The only other thing I go back and forth, you're going to laugh at this and tell me I'm full of it and a liar, is that I am trying to be better about, I want an open door policy for the people that are our people, like you and the friends and all the people you saw at my house. It's open door policy.
• 1:16:49
  But people that are servicing me or that I'm not totally sure, it's like, I don't, and I am sensitive, especially with men. It's like, you don't, you don't totally know every dude. And when you have four little kids, there's a little bit of this safety bubble as a provider that I think, and I wouldn't have cared at all prior to having kids. But I think it's a thought on my mind of weird stuff can happen and it's inviting it in. So you're saying that your barber is a creep, is that what you're saying?
• 1:17:16
  He touched me. I liked it, though. It's classic barber stuff. Happy ending. You get the haircut, and he gets... This is Barbershop 101. All right. And with that, we live with a happy ending.
• 1:17:32
  Dude, 258. Pablo, I kept wanting to say this to you on the call. Thank you for pushing me on this. I'm so glad we do this. On the podcast? Yeah, dude, I'm killing High School Hustle weekly call. Like, we'll still do a call a week, but I don't want it to be scheduled. I want it to be more impromptu. And so did on the private plane back from Vegas. I sat next to Scott the whole time. He is awesome, the co-founder of High School Hustle. He's actually a good kid. Didn't you say that Scott didn't go to Vegas? Yeah.
• 1:17:57
  He did. He is actually a good candidate for ultra life. Like, I know I'm not, you know, pushing, but... Beep all this, Charlie. Yes, continue. Yeah, beep. He's just a good candidate to consider. Dude, because he has complete time freedom. Financially, 100x, but doesn't really care about money. Giving to the world so much, he's going to give every dollar away in his life. He's in great health. He works out and does something moving every single day. He spends all his time with his kids. You know, he would tell you... Well, I won't speak on his behalf.
• 1:18:25
  There's one area he's working on a little bit. We all are. But okay, let's just put a pin on that. Wrap up the story so Charlie also can connect this. So you are coming back on the plane, speaking with Scott. Coming back on the plane. We sat next to each other, and all the guys in front are awesome guys, but they're talking about interest rates and where are things going, what's the Fed going to do, and blah, blah, blah. And it was just coincidence. We stopped by each other. I go, this is so great that we're not sitting up there. And he looked at me, and he goes,
• 1:18:54
  Peter, I only have one meeting a week on my calendar. And I was like, what's that? He's like, it's our high school hustle meeting. And he's like, I don't want that. I don't like that. You or he said that? He said that. And I go, same here. And I told our executive director, Hunter, I was like,
• 1:19:10
  Kill it. Never have a recurring meeting again on our calendar. Why he didn't want to have it? Because he wants to work out every day. And he's like, I don't know when I'm going to work out. And I like this. Like, I get to schedule my day. I want it to be more impromptu. So I told our executive chair, it's like, you have both of our calendars. You can look at it. And the other thing is, a lot of times he travels for some trip, you know, like I'm doing next week with you. It's like, for me, next week, Monday is our only day.
• 1:19:33
  Anyone can look at my calendar and he knows that I don't want to be on the phone a bunch while I'm traveling. So it's like, OK, Monday's day. So now he can see that. Confirm off Scott's. Why would we keep a recurring calendar on Fridays or Thursdays or Wednesdays or whatever? When the two guys that really matter, their schedules are off and you can just piece it together weekly. And it's so liberating, right? So you will be my only recurring calendar invite.
• 1:19:56
  Not I. This. We. We. This. We. Yeah. Well, and I say I as a compliment of like, I want that. I'm excited by that. I think as I was reflecting as we were talking, one, it's like a diary of what we're learning in real time.
• 1:20:12
  You know, maybe it's helpful. It's going to be, I think it'll even be helpful for me. Like imagine we put all of the pods into a chat GPT or a Grok or an AI, and then we say, make decisions off of this. And it uses all of this area of thought. And it could be like, what would Pablo say? What would Peter say? That's cool. Yeah. And you think about the gift that is to us, potentially our kids, potentially someone else, to have all of this raw content to just plug in and extract.
• 1:20:38
  I love that. Yeah. Yeah, you are my number five in my calendar. Do you actually, you don't have five meetings. I don't have any meetings except for, let me see. So I hate recurring meetings. I think that they are just the worst of the worst because, and I get it, right? Okay, this is what I would say.
• 1:20:59
  So I really think that recurring meetings are great when you need to be taking something off the ground. When something is not, doesn't really have momentum, is like stale. Okay, cool. Let's meet every day, every other day, every week, whatever that is.
• 1:21:16
  Let's put some cadence so we can put some fire and some movement into this thing until it takes off. And then let's just revisit this in two weeks, in two months, sorry, to see how we are and if we really keep needing this. What tends to happen is we do all that, but we never say, let's just revisit this in two months. Let's revisit this in three months. We just keep doing it. And then eventually someone, like in this case, you are mentioning about Scott, that says,
• 1:21:39
  I don't want this. Because most likely internally, he's feeling, we are just going here on autopilot. Yeah. And we are just meeting because we are meeting. Because some time ago, we said that let's meet once a week. Rather than, man, we are tackling really incredible issues, really, really important problems. This is more like a recurring thing. And this is why I just hate recurring meetings. For my life, people may have recurring meetings that for their life, it works great, but
• 1:22:08
  For me, recurrent meetings means we are, I am in some shape or form involved in an operational level that I do not want to be involved in operations. I don't want to be involved in day to day.
• 1:22:21
  I agree with that point and everything you're saying. The funny thing is if you ask him, I was saying I wanted shorter meetings. He's like, no, Peter, I love getting to hang out with you and Hunter. Like I want, I'm fine if they're an hour and a half or two hours. So he loves the meetings. What he doesn't love is he's completely free on his calendar now, except this one thing. And he doesn't like to look at his day and see there's a constraint. Like he loves just a random call where we just jump on and start like diving into it.
• 1:22:47
  And I say that as a funny thing of he's the flip of everyone else. Everyone else is like, well, you have to schedule. When would it happen? You know, you need to look like I've only got the hour. He literally has nothing scheduled. And having one thing on the schedule just bugs him, which I love because I'm kind of the same way or I feel similar. That's awesome. All right, brother. Let's call it a day. Thank you. I had another idea we could talk about this team and this championship on a pod.
• 1:23:14
  That's so boring, dude. No, no, not like the actual team. More about the communist implications versus democracy and capitalism. Okay, we can talk about that. All right, brother. See you. See you here, right? In a couple of days. It's a big two weeks. Big two weeks for the Pablo and Peter team. All right. Love you.