Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Can You Love Your Body and Still Want to Lose Weight? GLP-1 & Intuitive Eating - My Journey
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (01:06) So I put myself into body image therapy. That's what I'm calling it. It's just therapy, but I specifically wanted to work on my relationship and my perception with my body. I found myself in a place that I was really couldn't find the middle ground, the gap between my polarized thinking. I'd been spending so much time working on loving my body as it is and not wanting to do restrictive eating dieting anymore. But when I actually did want to try and lose weight, my intuitive eating and lifestyle wasn't allowing me to lose the weight that I desired go figure, right? but this whole process has been really beautiful and amazing. And I just Googled like I was wondering if I had some sort of like body image disorder of some sort. So I was doing some Googling and a and a practice located in Utah popped up. And so I reached out to them and seemed like we are a good fit. And it has been super awesome. I've loved my therapist Miranda a ton and she's helped me a lot. And we do a lot of parts work, which we are multi multifaceted human beings. And essentially we would bring up one of the thoughts that I would struggling with or a memory and dive into the feelings that are attached to that. And you talk to that part of you as if it's like a living thing. It's an actual entity and part of you. And it just kind of loosens its grip on your I that part of you, like that part of your identity, that part of your story. And there's been three specific parts of me that have popped up in this process that have been fascinating to work with. And to observe myself after processing them and giving them time and space has been really awesome as well. So the three big ones that we worked on are grief, sadness, and disappointment, which I did not expect. Grief for my changing body, specifically after having children, sadness about the messaging that I have received my entire life. About what a body should be. And disappointment that it's harder to lose weight and diet and exercise in the ways that always worked for me. Now, after having children, they no longer work in the same way. And that has been disappointing. These are the three things that have popped up for me and it's been very interesting. grief, man, I this might be TMI, but The saggy boobs. I was not prepared for that and didn't realize how much the structure of my chest would literally change and never go back to being the same. I was not prepared for that. And then my breastfeeding journey was complicated with lots of lactation consulting and hard and painful and got less and less with each child and I never felt any shame about how it panned out, but it was hard. And yeah, gaining weight, not fun for me. And Yeah, just grieving, making space to grieve. That my body isn't what maybe I always thought it would be. I guess I'd never really thought that hard about it. but being in therapy allowed me to have the space and time to actually think about it intentionally. And with someone to guide me and support me. And that was a beautiful session. And then sadness. Over the messaging that I have received my whole life. I feel like we made some gains there for a minute, where it wasn't quite so intense about needing to be a small size and with more body inclusion in models and stores and clothing sizes and the way we talk about women's bodies on social media and on TV and in movies and music and all of it. I grew up in the nineties and early two thousands. And I watched The Devil Wears Prada a few weeks ago to prepare to watch the second one. And I was thrown back in the messaging when it was mentioning, she's a size six. Ugh. Like it said things like that in the movie about women's sizes and being too big or too small. And I was like, yep. There it is. There's that messaging that I was immersed in all of my growing up years. And I did not miss it. And I'm grateful that it is changing. it has changed. I kind of feel like we're sliding backwards a little bit, but that's okay. I'm here for it. and then just sweet friends talking about how fat they are and hearing women talking about other women. And belittling their bodies and talking about dieting constantly. And when I started dieting at 14, getting so much validation in my smaller body and compliments, you know. and yeah, just witnessing lots of people in my life dieting and just grappling with weight off and on and skinny and then fat and back and forth and the conversations and the tears and my gosh. Just so much energy put into this vessel and trying to make it look a certain way. And that was another reason I put myself in therapy. I was just so tired of it all. I was just so tired of not only thinking about food, like we have to think about food all day, every day, it seems like feeding family and ourselves, making sure that you're getting nourishing food, that you're not getting too many artificial foods, whatever aligns with your diet, meaning just the food that you're taking in and putting into your body. And I was just not only tired of the food, but just tired of trying to make my body look a certain way and feel a certain way. And that's when the disappointment was discovered in that I can't do things the same way I used to. my body is completely different than it was in my twenties. I've had three kids. Which I am so grateful for. And weight gain and weight loss attributes to so many factors. And I'm gonna circle back to that. It's not just having kids, it is incredibly complex. And yeah, I would try to work out and diet the way that I could and had done multiple times before having kids. And I would do that and just be completely drained and wouldn't be able to have the energy and function the way that I wanted to and show up for my family the way that I wanted to, because I was so tired. And that would last for like a couple of weeks And when I'd give myself a break from the exercise, I'd start to feel better again. So intense exercise with restrictive eating doesn't work for me anymore. And that's okay. but it's just been this journey of discovery like, what does my body truly do for me? How do I want to view my body? And this is my life. This is my body. This is my journey. And what do I want my body to do for me? And does my size and weight depend on that? Or is it more strength of mind, strength of body, strength of heart? And that's what I've been working on in my intuitive journey. And I have I set out to love my body, to move my body, and to nourish it. And I feel like I've accomplished that. I really have. But I still want a smaller body. And I felt a lot of dissonance because I felt like I was abandoning the part of myself that I've worked so hard to just love myself as I am. And I really stepped into this intuitive journey. after having my second, and he's almost turning five. So it's been four or five years now. Whereas like, you know what, I know I don't want to restrictive eat. I don't want to work out hardcore anymore. So I'm just gonna learn to love my body as it is. And if it changes, great. And that worked for a while. And then GLP1 came out. And seeing people transform what looks like effortlessly and so quickly. And I know that GLP one is also complex and is unpleasant and is hard. And we still need to make sure we're nourishing and moving our bodies. I get that. I've looked all into it. So I'm not dismissing the experience of using GLP one. I'm still very highly considering it. But I've really evaluated like. What am I trying to achieve? What am I wanting to feel? What am I needing my body to be? That I think GLP one would do for me. And I'm still figuring that out. A therapy has helped me work through the petty thoughts that I have about one's worth based on having a smaller body. the beliefs that I have as far as what the world others value and see in a smaller body. And that that's hard. It's hard to say I don't care what other people think. Because I do. But at the end of the day, I want my opinion to matter most. And I'm still working on that. I'm still working with my therapist and have a way to go. But I have landed in a space that is more neutral, that honors the work that I've done to love myself as I am. But also allow myself to work toward having a smaller body if I want to. And that new thought is. I love my body no matter its size, but I can also still want a smaller body. And like I said, I'm not willing to do the restrictive eating. Like I have maintained with intuitive eating, which is just listening to your body, by the way. It's just tuning in, learning to tune in to your stomach and your mind and say, okay, am I truly hungry? Or am I just bored? Am I just stressed? Am I just looking for an outlet to not feel something or to help me feel something that's more. Enjoyable, a feeling that I actually want. That has been beautiful. I have maintained and fluctuated pretty much within five pounds, which is very normal, pretty effortlessly on this journey, since I started it. And with just consistent movement, I try to walk for 30 minutes at least four times a week with some 20 minutes of weight training or a quick HIIT workout, and it works great. Like I feel good. I feel strong and energized. I still eat my treats. but I'm trying to eat plants and protein primarily and that works for me. It's nothing crazy. And that's been really cool. But I I acknowledge like you can't lose weight doing that. Like you have to be in a calorie deficit. And man, I just don't want to do that anymore, especially right now. And I I've thought like, well maybe after my kids are grown and my capacity is greater, then this'll be easier. But you know, I don't know that I wanna do that. Brynne Erickson (14:14) I don't know that I want to put in the quite frankly, the effort, the mental gymnastics, the time, the commitment, all of it. Like the effort into doing all that again, the traditional style of dieting. and I don't know that I necessarily wanna wait that long. And I there are a lot of opinions. A lot of people might not agree with me, and that's Completely okay. But again, like this is this is my life. This is my body. This is my relationship with it. and I'm really trying to not compare myself to anyone else. And that's really hard. Like my body, my genetic makeup, the way I handle stress, the people I look after in my life and how they impact me, my kids, my husband, my goals, my ambitions, how I'm spending my time. How my body uses food and energy and movement. Like there's so many factors. And that is kind of part of the fun process of caring for your body and trying different exercise programs and different diets or eat ways of eating. And just but for the sake of fun and because this supports me in how I want to take care of my body rather than I this. To feel something or to be more worthy. I essentially. I feel like so much of us are motivated in losing weight because we feel this severity that that we have to in order to be enough. And that is hard work to do. Like the inner mind beliefs behind body image and weight is hard and stressful and overwhelming, but it can certainly be lightened when we put intentional time and effort into it. I'm grateful I've paired my journey with doing the inner work with my mind. So I was working with a dietitian for a while. I've done health coaches and whatnot and we do some mindset work, but working with a therapist has just upped my game. addressing those parts of me and you could call them traumas or biases or just beliefs. They're just thoughts that I have that have control over me. Our mind is incredibly powerful and our body holds on to emotions. The more that we process them and give them attention and time, they just lessen their grip, like they change. And I'm sure I could look into all the science-y stuff about it. And I probably will one day, but not today. And so, yeah, just moving forward, I've learned so much about capacity. Like I really only have so much of that. Like, you know how they say we all have the same 24 hours. We just make excuses. Well, guess what? Some of your excuses, a lot of them are really, really valid. And I'm supporting you in them. And your twenty four hours are not the same as my 24 hours. And your body is not the same as my body. And your family is not the same as my family. So when people are like, Well, yeah, I have three kids too. I'm like, Well, your kids are not my kids. And your husband is not my husband. And your body is not my body. So that's what I meant by like not comparing myself. Because everyone's situation is completely different and you are a completely different person handling your situation. Even though on the exterior they might align. You have a spouse, you're both of the same religion, you both like the same things, you both have the same announcements, whatever. Like every single factor in there is completely different based on the composition of each of those parts, right? So I'm finding that comparing myself is not helpful. But as I try things with my thoughts, with what I'm eating, with how I'm moving, if I listen to me and my inner knowing, my spirit, my intuition, that is making all the difference. Because this is my life to live. Nobody else can do it for me. And I can't do it any other way than my way. In my body, in the place that I live, with the people that I'm surrounded by. There are plenty of things that we can change and we can work towards changing and thinking about differently. But we do have what we have, that that's our reality, right? We have to start with where we are. And that's a huge part of my intentional process. man. But yeah, it's this is just my journey. I hope it resonates with someone. If you know someone that is also struggling or thinking about their body a lot and changing it, if they've been thinking about GLP one or they you're on your own journey, please share this. know you're not alone. Help them know that they're not alone. and that at the end of the day, we just get to decide what we want to think and what we want to do. and to like our reasons for doing it. And that's what I'm figuring out. And I'll keep you posted on my next move, probably in a couple of months. Don't want to overwhelm you with all of my body drama. But I'm sure some of you can relate or know someone who can. So I'm just cheering you on. and you're just awesome. I might not even know you, but I know that you are human. And being human is complex and beautiful and hard and wonderful. And we can all just use more cheerleaders in our lives. So know that I'm cheering you on. And I hope you have a beautiful day. Brynne Erickson (20:23) Hey, really quick, whether your faith is shifting or you've already done a lot of that work, I built something for you. It's called Faith in Process and is a private online community for Latter-day Saints who want to explore and expand their beliefs through real open-minded conversations about gospel topics and principles. Think that like Facebook and Sunday school had a baby, but you never have to see anyone in person. Drop in whenever works for you, leave a thought, read what others are sitting with. No calls, no meetups, just good conversation. Twelve dollars a month at Brynarikson.com. Click join Faith and Process for more information and I hope to see you there.