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Does This Path Have a Heart? · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, welcome back to Fierce Encouragement.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Mark Walker.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a certified life and executive coach, and I'm also your host for this show.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're brand new here, well, this podcast was created for one reason to help give us the kind of honest and direct encouragement that kind of helps us move forward in our life, not hype, not um hacks, not that hustle pornography, but just honest talk, real talk about what it takes to show up as the person you are capable of being.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So today's episode is nice and tight.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I want you to sit with it because the question at the center of all this is one of the more honest questions that I've been chewing on this past week or two, and one of the more honest questions I know.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it really comes from Carlos Castaneda and his teachings of Don Juan.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the quote goes like this All paths are the same.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: They lead nowhere.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: They are paths going through the bush or into the bush, but one has a heart and the other doesn't.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: One makes for a joyful journey as long as you follow it and are one with it, the other will make you curse your life.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: One makes you strong, the other weakens you.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then Castinated asks this question Does this path have a heart?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I was lucky enough to run a virtual men's circle yesterday called Brotherhood of Being, and I do it with some other great coaches and men that have met over the past few years.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a free virtual gathering for guys who want to just practice presence and not performance.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we often say, hey, you're here not to be fixed, but just to be seen and heard.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I brought this quote and did a little presentation on it.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we sat with some of those questions for about a full hour.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And what came up in that room with the people that joined us, with the guys that joined us, I just wanted to share with you and bring to your ears today, because I think some of my listeners will need it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what I'm seeing in my coaching work pretty consistently over the past few months.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: The guys who I connect with who are really successful by all those external measures, but they're also exhausted and burnt out in a way that they can't really fully explain.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not talking burnt out from working too hard or even depleted from working on the wrong thing.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: But it's from being on a path that maybe made sense on paper or when they sketched it out originally.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's the path that other people respect and value, society.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's even a path that pays the bills.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But somewhere along the journey, that path stopped feeling like their own.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a really difficult part, a hard part that we often avoid.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us can't even feel it anymore.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we've been grinding along for so long that that uh internal signal got buried.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We can also can mistake the heaviness or the weight of the wrong path for uh just life.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Kind of like growing up and having to adult or adulting, I think I found myself saying, for being responsible.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: We'll say it needs to feel heavy because that's being responsible.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that's quite a hundred percent right.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So in the last episode, number 77, we talked about the decision that helps end the negotiation that might be happening in our head, that day-to-day decision.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: It just wears us out.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: That internal shift that can turn that someday into just that one thing.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: How do I take one damn step today?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: How do I put one minute towards that project, that idea, or that person I need to be for my family or my friends, or for myself?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this episode is a little upstream of that, if you will.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because before we can make that concrete, kind of sharp decision for ourselves and lean into it, I think we also have to stand back and have to, in a sense, feel what's actually alive in us right now.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is versus that momentum that we might gain as we go along, or that obligation, I guess, someone else's idea of who you need to be.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what Costaneda is pointing at.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I know it as I feel my way through that quote and studying it for the past couple weeks.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's what we're really pointing at when we were in the men's group session yesterday.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's something that I want you to take a pause and look at.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's two distinct kinds of heavy here in the way I'm using it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And heavy, uh, I think that matters.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have that kind of heavy that is connected to our deeper purpose.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's the heavy that matters versus the heavy because it's wrong.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Most guys I connect with and have had the chance to coach and listen to and see what they're going through.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, unfortunately, a lot of them have lost that ability to tune in to themselves and tell the difference between good heavy and wrong heavy.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you get to a point, everything feels like resistance.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Everything feels like it just needs to have more discipline, more push, more grind and gritting it out.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I really truly know, and it's something I invite you to think about if that if that sounds like you pushing and discipline.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And this comes from years of work.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: A path with heart is easy.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean it's comfortable and not without its own challenges, but it's easy in the sense where Castaneda shares it and intends it.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to work at liking the path.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: It has a flow to it where time almost vanishes when you're on the path.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're one with it, you could say.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: But a path without heart, the one where you have the wrong or imbalanced kind of heavy, that's the one you have to drag yourself to every single damn day.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one that's painful.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you might have heard of the Sunday scaries.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one where the Sunday scaries are constant.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe even deep down, you already know which path you're on as you listen to this.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: So to give you something or give you one thing from this session, something simple, something that came from our discussion yesterday in the men's group.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: But these are really simple.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have a pen and paper, you're welcome to write these down and take some time with them and press pause.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can use these right now.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can even just come back to this episode before your next big decision, or the next next time you might feel that kind of low-grade hum of dread that you can't quite shake or even name.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a really simple practice.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'd invite you to put your hand on your chest and take one long, slow, deep breath, and ask yourself one, does this path feel heavy or live?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not is it hard or is it scary?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Heavy, like a stone, or alive, like something with a pulse.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Two.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to work at liking it?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or does it pull me?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to work at liking this path, or does it pull me?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, a path with heart doesn't need to be sold to you.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to convince yourself.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: You almost are drawn to it, even when it feels inconvenient.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Again, taking that nice deep breath if you need one.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Moving on to the third question.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Would the oldest, wisest version of me recognize this path as mine?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to picture that old version of you.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just for one second.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: That person you'll be at 70, 80, 90 That one who has walked quite long paths and dropped some things away from them or made peace with things on the path?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: But what would he or she look at what you're doing right now?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Would they nod or would they quietly shake their head?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: What would the oldest, wisest version of you say about this path?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: So three powerful questions, three questions that go deep, and a reminder here at this time of year when I'm recording this, halfway through the year almost.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Slowing down and checking in where we're at at halfway through the race.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe just to remind you and invite you to have a felt sense in your body with this check-in.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Not a framework with uh with an acronym, right?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not another 10-step system or another method or more frameworks, all that stuff.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just put that aside for now.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I just would love for you just to slow down, notice your body, what it's telling, what's the truth underneath all that thinking?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: What's the truth your heart is asking or sharing underneath that mind that's almost too busy to hear?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Take that time for yourself.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Five minutes practicing this is golden.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to say something kind of forward and direct now.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Have you chosen your path?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it slowly killing you?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to sit with that for a second and don't answer fast.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Carlos Castaneda said something that hit me really hard when I heard it, or when I really heard it and sat with it.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: He said that a path without heart is never enjoyable.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have to work hard to even take it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And when a person finally realizes they've been on that path without a heart, that path is ready to kill them.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's dramatic.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's plain and true.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And most people, most men especially, I think they wait too long to ask that question.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Does my path have a heart?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's a fact, here's a truth, and it's an invitation.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to blow up our life.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to quit the job tomorrow or burn everything down, burn the relationships down.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our mind will move there, but we don't have to go to the extremes.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: We do have to be honest and invite a clarity into our thinking, invite a clarity into our heart.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Ruthlessly and compassionately honest with yourself.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: That clarity is already in you.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: That possibility lives in you.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: The question is just the key.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: What have I been on that I already know doesn't have a heart?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what would it cost me to finally admit that?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't edit this.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make it pretty.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just write from the belly, right?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: What's true for you?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now I wanted to tell you about a conversation as we finish up today.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was working with a senior IT leader this past week, a very smart guy, uh, super high achiever, high functioning, and literally by every measure, every external measure, successful.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: And he came to our conversation carrying something that he hadn't been able to set down for many, many months, if not years.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we spent one hour together, one strategy session conversation.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of it, and I'm quoting him directly, he said, I physically feel lighter after the time we spent together.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Damn.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Unquote.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: One strategy session conversation.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's possible when you finally stop circling the thing and just look at it with somebody who isn't going to flinch.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I offer a couple of these free strategy sessions.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: No pitch, no pressure, just an honest conversation about clarity about what's actually going on for you, what might be possible as you move forward.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if this episode that I shared today woke something up in you, if there's a question you've been circling around and if you're ready to stop preparing and take some action, well, this session is for you.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: So the link to apply is in the show notes.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: Reach out directly and tell me you heard this and we'll get some time up for you.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be happy to connect with you.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And one more thing.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are a guy or know a guy who wants a room like the one I described, the Brotherhood of Being is free.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's always has been.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's a virtual men's circle.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's no agenda, no performance.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: We show up once a month the second Thursday in the month.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we just share that space and hold up some space for guys and just be honest with each other.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's been amazing.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: We've been doing it for about a year, and it's really just shocked me how it's impacted guys, but also just inviting us to put things down, not have to fix anything and just listen.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put that link in the show notes as well.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's brotherhoodofbeing.com if you're inspired to look and share it with a friend that you think might need it.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's exactly what you needed and you didn't know.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's this episode of Fierce Encouragement.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Does this path have a heart?
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Ask it often.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh ask it before you say yes to something big.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ask it when you might feel that heaviness or that drag or that lull or even that low grade exhaustion kind of behind your eyes, the one that has a little bit to do with being tired, but more about being unplugged, that heaviness from that weight you're carrying.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: And really, the answer does come.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't come from your head.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: It comes from somewhere quieter, kind of down into your body.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: So practice with that.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have that felt sense of being present with yourself.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: But my name is Mark Walker.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: This has been Fierce Encouragement.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if this episode landed for you, please subscribe, share this with one guy who might need to hear it or one person who would resonate with it.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: And leave a review so more people can find the show and benefit from these tools and from connecting.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Take care of yourselves wherever you're at.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Have a good day, have a good evening, and know that you're worth that fierce encouragement for yourself.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Until I see you next time on the next episode, be well.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right, bye bye.