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Red Skelton - People Who Brag · Red Skelton

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When Christopher Columbus nailed the origin white you know why he told he engines when
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he reached the other side. You won't know what you're missing if you don't
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see. NORG transcribe from Hollywood nor to Division of Fort Warner, manufacturers of
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America's most modern automatic and ringer washers, gas and electric rangers, water heaters,
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and home freezers, originators in world's largest manufacturers of self defrosting refrigerators.
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NORG presents the Red Skelton Radio Show What Red Skelton, David Rose, miss
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Orchestra, Lorenz had on, Pat McGee and the Smith Quinns will be me
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dorote O'Connor now the star of our program, Red Scalp, thank you,
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good evening, ladies, and Jeffery. You know what. I get a
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big kick out of being on just before bing Crosby. Yeah, I listened
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to the groner and now they're going to hear the moner. Yeah, how
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can you laugh when you've just been fired? Look? Just read what's there?
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Bum or what there't going to be there for you to read? What
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did you do today? Red Well? I spent the day with the kids
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while Georgia went shopping. Was it boring. No, I really enjoyed it,
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but I meant was it boring for the kids? I don't think they
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were bored with me. However, about an hour after I'd been with them,
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Valentina took Richard in the other room and I heard her whisper towing,
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says Richie, he got a humoring alone. He's not an orthor god for
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you, but laugh is he jokes? Well, how didertain your off bring
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well? I spent the first hour telling them jokes. In the second hour
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I spent trying to wake them up. I don't know why Georgia has so
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much trouble getting them to take their nap. They doze right off on my
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third shoe. Well, didn't you play any games with them? Oh?
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Yeah, we played tiddley winks. I won three games in a row.
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That's before Richard caught me playing with loaded tiddy. Yeah. Then I fixed
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them their lunch. You fixed lunch? Yeah, I fixed lunch. Why
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did you serve them Liverworth saying, which is in cold beer? But rad
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children don't drink beer. They don't know. That explains why Valentina told me
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that they were on the wagon. She didn't want to hurt my feelings.
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Brother. You sure don't know much about how to handle kids, do you.
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That's why I decided to spend more time with mine. You know,
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children nowadays are smarter than we were when we were kids. Why when I
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was at Valentina's age, I didn't know what do and two was? What
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is doing? Too? Wait? I get a fense with You know,
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Valentine and Richard are both in kindergarten this year. She's majoring in sand pile.
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How about that. I'm a little disappointed. I was start of hoping
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that she'd take up something more important like beads dringing. What does your boy
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want to be when he grows up? A comedian? Just like he said,
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I thought he wanted to be a comedian. You read my Well,
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now let's see what is your boy want to be when he grows up?
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He doesn't want to grow up. He likes it the way it is with
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me. He's apparting him. I'm sure proud of him, though. I'm
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sure glad Sylvie and I had a child. See your name, I always
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think it's Saliva, Roger says. Now the kids are spitting at me dubber,
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But I'm sure mad Sylvie and I had a child. You're expecting something
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else. Say that reminds me. I want to show you horse my boy
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drew the other day. Look at it. That's a worse Richard drew something
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and looked like that the other day. Don't he called it an alligator?
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All? Go on, you're just jealous because my son is smarter than you're.
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I don't like to brag about Richard, but let's face it, my
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kid's a genius. My son can sing the star Spangle back. He don't
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expect me to believe that. Why not? My kid hasn't finished writing it
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yet. Oh read, We shouldn't brag about our kids. Yeah, I
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guess you're right. Let's talk about Missus Rose's son, David. He and
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his artist are going to play David's arrangement of the world is waiting for the
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sunrise? I should have said the sunset, buzz buck. Did you stop
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to think what a lot of gas it takes to keep the pilot light burning
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self starter at your dealers becuz you won't know what you're missing if you don't
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see Nords. From the Gauton's graphic of satire historian titled People Who Brige,
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Chapter one is about a cowboy who never fired a gun but always shut off
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his mouth. Had I from back? Whoa WHOA welcome word? You keep
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going, boy? There the glue factory gets ahead there all right. Get
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your hope on my mouth. He did. I hear there's a wild Coyota
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sharoon we've been looking for. Yeah, let's go over there if we can
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find that guy three finger Jack, the guy who stole the gall and mcgold
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down in Texas. I hope you're paying attention because this is the plot.
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Yes, sir, we're gonna get that guy that's pulled my gallon my gold
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down in Texas. Take it or leave it here. Crowd in this saloon
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ain't thing. That's my favorite song, Flair the Loon. Hey did look
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at that bartender? He looks mighty tail. Yeah, he's even got muscles
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on his calileg. When they got over and sample the free lunch. Oh
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did you read that time? Free lunch? Easy turned? Oh well,
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I didn't want to disturb them flies anyhow. You know something, I don't
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feed your chief in here. Don't worry. I can take care of myself.
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I'm from Texas. Heel of muscles in my arm right, let me
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see it? Well, not so hard. You're making my ears puff up,
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Hey, bartender, I'll have one of them rattlesnake rapade and that's a
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straight alcohol with a black widows fighter riding the olive Okay, put that cigarette
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out before I pour it. Here you are, boy, I better hurry
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and drink it before it melt. The glad held up the lifts and over
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the gums. Look out st me. Here you come, hey, park
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dinner? Give me my change for well, you quick? I just had
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to chase her. Here's your drink. Never mind, I ain't got no
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stomach anymore. Hey, did I take a gandred that gander just come out
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of that office? Said? Yeah, I did. She does look like
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a gander. Don't wind out who she is. She's coming this way.
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Well that's what I guess for washing my seat. Yeah, well, dad,
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all doc and bull legged? Can I do anything for you? M
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m? You just did you look mighty familiarly? Your name wouldn't have to
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be Susa Belle, would it from Texas? That's me in the flesh?
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Or whose fit to? If you ask me? You're mighty pretty, though.
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There's something uh suffocated about something, something sophisticated about you. I guess
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it's the way you chew. You are the blacker. Tell me stranger you
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a call puncher? No I slapped gopers. I work for a dairy farm,
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the one that has them contented cows do tell? What do you do?
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Then? Oh? I just stand around, Let the cows look at
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me, make some contented that they're cows. I'll tell you the way the
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price of milk is now them towls ain't contented, they're conceited. Oh dead,
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you ain't changed of this. You're still young and repulsing me. Did
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you recognize me? Gil? Yeah? I thought it was you when I
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first saw you. But it's been a long time since I jilted you.
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Yeah, I ain't had a good jolting sin. You're killed me about eight
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years ago in your gown. What have you been doing? Eight years?
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I got too old for good behavior? Though? You ain't sore? Are
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you dead? I've been riding all day? Well, I mean you ain't
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sore at me for throwing you, but like I do, no, I
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ain't mad. Just to show you there's no heart feelings, I brought you
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a present. Oh lovely, what is it? It's a pearl necklace?
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You like it? Yeah? It shouldn't You have taken the pearls out of
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the oysters first. Well, I didn't have the heart. You see,
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they weren't weaned yet. They tell me is three finger jack here. Oh,
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yes, but no trouble, did I. I'm out to getting now,
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did I? They're loading your guns. Yeah, but I'm giving them
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a break. I'm using soft water. I don't do it. Don't hold
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me back, let me go. I'm not touching. Ooh, I'm standing
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on the moon tide. Stand aside. Everybody look dead. I it's none
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of my business, but it's free being good. Jackets a tough Bumbrea.
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You don't scare me none where I come from, it's so tough anybody with
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a complete face as a tourist. The lap stall long enough? Step aside?
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Boys, who's there? Cat? You tell from a voice? Yes,
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ma'am, come in. I hate these clamped quarters. Ai, Yeah,
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yeah, I forgot to close the door. Yeah. H we want
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long arms. I must have watch your complaint, cowboy. Roulette tables downstairs
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don't look right to me. You're suggesting that roulette table is crooked. No,
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you can't help it if a customer put these money on the black or
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the red and the only color on the wheel is sharp truth. And what
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do you cleaning up my office for cactor's head? I'm did I. You
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don't have to tell me. I'd recognize you with one eye. Clothes you
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mean I'm only half saint. You still think you're as tough as ever,
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don't you. Yeah, I'm the roughest, toughest, most despicable humbrey that
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ever defied the unconstitutional walls of the w The's hard words, I know,
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but I got him out. I think you better leave now? Did I
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have This town ain't big enough for both of us? What ain't No?
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It ain't you mean that? Yes? I mean it. This town ain't
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big enough for both of us. It looks like I would have to leave.
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Don't I like that? I don't want any trouble here. Take us
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fifty thousand dollars and get going. Oh no, you don't. I'm wide
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to that, drick. I turned to go out, and you plug me
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in the back and claim it with a robbery. Where'd you learn that from?
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Adult? From Warner Brothers? I warn you that I am fast in
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the draw, and I'm a good shot. I'm a good shot too.
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I never used my shooting irons, and I really have to. I'll give
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you a reason. I'll reach for your shooting irons. You don't mind,
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I'll have to bend over my pants just fuck that. I was only kidding.
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I'm giving you back everything I took from you. Here are the keys
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to the place. It's all yours, including the gal Susie Bell. I
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heard that. So you don't love me a three finger, I'll show you
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you two tiny snake and the sam Well, look at old butterball bounce.
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Who's a bell? I didn't know you could sew. This was the best
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permanent button holes I ever saw. You sure a handy with him. Bullet
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did nothing to never keep us upup again? Where did I? There's the
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guy that cheated you and your finally got the gas. What more do you
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want to complete? Abyday? Guess this good day? I think we got
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a customer. I knew this show was long, but I didn't think it
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was that long day. What have you done? I just shot the guy
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that wrote this stuff. Now the Smith twins with me and rend you find
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without a man and some guys to jerem. I guess he'll be winning again.
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The stands to life and Leeds began to get me down a bond.
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Tessa and I confess I went run into town. I went me andern Beanren
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looking for and by for a man's standy side and with me and Beyanren far
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from the old folks at home, I came across a handsome guy who said
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he loved me so but he would bring his mother winness everywhere we go.
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I was so happy when he asked if I would be his wife. But
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when he told me that his mom will lay for us for life, I
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went me and don Meanren, looking far and by for a man's standy side.
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I was me andn Beanren far from the old folks a home. I
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met a wealthy bell who was chiming a divide. I kissed him once.
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To him, I knew what I have to make you mine. I said,
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you wait to leave belong to me, for when he told me,
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I'd be wiping on. But twenty three I went me and durn, me
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Andren looking for in mine for a man to stand beside. I went me
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and me Andren far from the old marrom, the old volta hole, far
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from me all now for that weekly homemaker him from Jane Masters, called director
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of the Norge Home Economics Department. Here's a trick to remember next time you
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cook rice. Grease the inside of the saucepan thoroughly with butter or margarine all
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heat instantly, from a slow simmer to a fast boil. Get your Norge
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deeder to show you the beautiful new self starter models. The gas rains at
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lights electrically. You won't know what you're missing if you don't see Nords.
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Our last chapter, The People Who Brag, is about a punch strung fighter
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by the name of Cauldleflower nickpok Oh, there's couliflower now boxing on this out
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in front of a mirror. I better stop him before he hurts himself.
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Hey, cauliflower, keep out of this referee, keep out of it.
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I get the got this bumblet the bell gave the cauliflower. Don't you know
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you're boxing a mirror? Oh? I got that guy had a glance.
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They tell me what you get the black eye in a fight? What you
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think they got it on a punt? I got it about that night a
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pid mobat. I would fight the guy down the named baby faith Irbys.
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We're going baby fake. He only got one tooth? Did you win?
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I don't know. They forgot to tell me when I came to I could
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have won, but it was a bum the seasion, you know, they
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give it to the other guy on a technicality. Get the coach. I
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will unconscious. Not about that, I would unconscious. I would just acting
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normal. Tell me, are you really a pugilist? Good coming in pugilist?
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Pee? You me tell me? Don't you think it's about time you
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hung up those loves? We might hang him up. Come, don't get
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an you know, don't worry about me. I'll quick before I get too
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many budgets. You know you can stand a whack a too long. Some
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guys stay in the ring until they started here in Belgian boys, not me,
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No boys, I will give up you on point game. Before I
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thw here in Belgian point anger the phones? Were you ever any good as
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a fighter? There's no phone in here? Put one in before I stopped
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singing. Didn't answer my questions. I say, were you any good as
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a fighter? Oh? Sure, I could have taken the middleweight crown except
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I got some bad break. What happened? But Joe was broken? Didn't
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you talking about getting a job broken? Your john looks all right now?
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E kept it should be below my lips, you know, dumb guy said
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it. I might be another game. Jim Corbert, Jim Corbet, Jim
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Goobert. Howmut that me? Another game? Globert? Jimme Globert? Boy?
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How good that me? Me a Corbet? Who's Jim Globe? Do
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you know the other day I would do it? Oh boy a flock.
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Maybe you had any fights this week? Well he didn't, but they are
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pretty big fire. You means big fire had been going by all morning.
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I said, if you had any fights this week, only with my wife.
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But I'm fighting her again next week if I win, I get a
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shot at her mother on rattling and television, which spelling would come through?
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Tell me something, Do you have any children? I get that what you'd
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call him your How about you? I have a little boy? Do kulle
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you have a little I'm gonna little boy, dude. Maybe it's the same
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kids. If my mother said when I was born, it didn't get stwinged.
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Oh brother, Oh I didn't know. We've related. Have you ever
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been knocked out by anybody in the fighter? Have you ever knocked anybody out
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yourself? Only? I would swing in like a windmilk, and I landed
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going right on a gin. And this guy was tricky, though very quicky.
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He throws a terrific right and I cleverly block it with my eyes.
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Say you landed one right on the guy's kind? Was he surprised? Would
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you be surprised to see a guy knocking help out? He would? Oh,
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take off your hack towing a bell for them? Gun? Look,
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there aren't any bells ringing. There aren't any bells ringing. A bet,
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sure, okay, the good humor man come in. We'll let him hold
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the money you're punching. You think I've lost my marble dune. Yeah,
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you could see them guy down at that jymnagum buying them guys going for duck
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or rattler down there frightly every two minutes. He run into the retra next
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door and ordered Coca cola. Get to a can flort with a pretty weight
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with your man more? What's wrong with that? No RETRONI to that?
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Oh? No, I telflower. Is there anybody you can lick? I
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can lick any guy on your tree, anybody on the tree. How about
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that guy standing over there? Can you look him? That guy? He's
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a pretty big guy. But it's wait about boy will give me dumping writers?
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Okay? How about that fellow coming out of the drug store. Oh,
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the five foot shick in the way. Oh, he seemed to be
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in a hurry like the odor going back to Capitol thout coming more. You
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see the boy scout helping that old lady across the street. Homer coat,
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you better hold that boy scout. Dude, course, I don't want that
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old lady get any help. I'll see you later. Yeah, I gotta
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go way in from my bout tonight. I'll see you at the gum.
29:00
So what the gym gym. Jim Corpord, Who Jim Corpord. This is
29:19
Ron O'Connor saying, remember in refrigerators, home fraesers, gas and electric ranges,
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washers and water heaters. Everything Norge makes, Norge makes right. Make
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it a point to visit your Norge dealers soon. See the new Norde self
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starter gas range. The range that doesn't waste gas on ever burning pilot life,
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but start surely and safely with electricity. The range with a balanced heat
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later burners that focus the flame for faster, cleaner cooking. Yes, see
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the new self starter gas range at your Norge dealers right away and now until
29:55
next week. This is Red Skeleton saying thanks for listening and reminding you that
29:59
you won't know why you're missing if you don't see Nords. Join us again
30:15
next week for the Red Skelton Show. Red Skelton has learning this program for
30:23
the courtesy of Metro Volda Mayer Studio. This is a copyrighted feature transcribed from
30:33
Hollywood. This is the CBS Radio Network